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jspchief
06-29-2006, 02:52 PM
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when
the wife looks over at him and asks the
question....



WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you
get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"


HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my
jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "Shit."

ChiefsOne
06-29-2006, 04:51 PM
Laugh my ass off!

pr_capone
06-29-2006, 05:02 PM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

NICE!

Moooo
06-29-2006, 05:09 PM
wah wah wah waaaaaaaahhhhh

Moooo

R&GHomer
06-29-2006, 05:44 PM
LOL.... rep

tyton75
06-29-2006, 06:33 PM
Awesome!

BucEyedPea
06-29-2006, 07:18 PM
Would I remarry?
Never...men are okay for platonic friends though. :eek:

KC Jones
06-29-2006, 07:44 PM
Would I remarry?
Never...men are okay for platonic friends though. :eek:

countdown to kotter asking about sexual persuasion in 5... 4... 3... 2...

:D

BucEyedPea
06-29-2006, 07:48 PM
countdown to kotter asking about sexual persuasion in 5... 4... 3... 2...

:D
Ohhhhhhhhh noooooooo....not me!

You got it all wrong.

Just a thing I'm goin' through.

StcChief
06-29-2006, 08:12 PM
NFW

Bwana
06-29-2006, 08:23 PM
Golf jokes huh......Heh!

Subject: Tiger

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya". As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant."

They're called tees," replies Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything..."

StcChief
06-29-2006, 08:28 PM
Golf jokes huh......Heh!

Subject: Tiger

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya". As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant."

They're called tees," replies Tiger. "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires theIrishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irishattendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think ofeverything..."
:rolleyes: ROFL

Iowanian
06-29-2006, 10:12 PM
buceyedpea and Tommykat decide they need a new hobby, she remember their grandfathers were ice fisherman,so she chooses that.

They read up, buys the gear and one saturday morning meet and head out onto the ice.

Tommykat begins to drill a hole while bep unpacks the bait when suddenly, they hear a deep, booming voice from the sky that says

"There are nooooooo fish under the Iiiiiiice"

Tommykat quickly looks around, but thinks it might have been the wind and goes back to drilling.

Again the Voice says "there are nooooooo fish under the iiiiiiiiiice"

Startled, they look up and say "Lord, is that you?"

"Noooooo" the voice booms, "I'm larry, the Rink manager"

Mr. Flopnuts
06-29-2006, 10:31 PM
These are very nice stories. It reminds me of the time I was invited to a Warpaint party with all of the staff. While I was there Phobia came in and told me a pretty funny story. I'll convey it here to you fellow planeteers.

Phobia went to pick GoChiefs up at the airport and they were driving up to Iowa where this party was being held. On the way, they were driving through some farmland and saw a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. Phil err I mean Phobia swerves to the side of the road and runs down this embankment and starts pokin this sheep. GoChiefs is just chillin in the car twiddling his thumbs. Phobia comes back up and says "Dude, what's the matter with you? You don't wanna get yourself some of that?" GoChiefs just kind of shrugs his shoulders, runs down where the sheep is and sticks his head in the fence next to him. Good times.

Mr. Flopnuts
06-30-2006, 12:31 PM
I was really hoping for a response from GoChiefs. I am shamed..........

greg63
06-30-2006, 12:55 PM
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL Too funny!

jspchief
06-30-2006, 04:03 PM
An avid golfer and his new bride go to Scotland for their honeymoon. They jump at the chance to play the old course at St. Andrews.
During the round, the husband hits his drive into the rough, with a maintenance shed blocking his approach to the green. While the man is looking for the best route to punch the ball back into the fairway, his caddy says: "Nae laddie, ye dinna have to do that. There are doors on both ends of this shed. Just open both sets of doors and hit a low iron right through. Ye will be on the green easily!"

The man takes the suggestion, opens the doors, and hits a 2-iron. The shot takes off too high, hits a roof beam, ricochets back and hits his new bride in the temple, killing her instantly.

Ten years pass, and the man is back at St Andrews on business. He decides to play the old course again, and ends up back in the exact same spot behind the shed. As the caddy explains to the man about the shot through the shed, the man interrupts him and says:


"Oh no, I can't do that. The last time I tried that, I took an 8!"