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DJay23
07-01-2006, 05:29 PM
Alright imagine (if you are married) or consider (if you are not) that you are a single man (or woman, but this is written from a man's point of view) in your mid to late 20's. You've dated many people and have not found the one girl who makes your mint life saver spark. Then one day, you meet someone with potential. After some getting to know one another you feel very strongly that this could develop into "the one." She is your counterpart in almost every way you can recognize in a month and a half. But a snag. This person is just off a horrible break up and feels it necessary to give herself some more time to work through her pain from that, yet very much wants to be involved with you. She feels it's not fair to you to get involved while she's in such a bad place (those of you who have been cheated on after a long relationship know that feeling). Let's assume that you trust this person is genuine and isn't just playing you.

As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her.

Yes, this is something I am asking myself at this very moment.

I thought about a poll, but I'd rather see your personally constructed responses. I don't think anyone will sway me one way or another, I'm just curious what others would say if in the same situation.

At this point in time, I'll stay patiently in the background until she is ready. No time limit for me. I feel that she is worth it...

58-4ever
07-01-2006, 05:34 PM
Are you ghey? I'm just kidding. A year. I would probably wait one calender year and no more.

ROYC75
07-01-2006, 05:39 PM
You are dealing with a woman, a broken hearted woman. One must find it within their heart on the amount of time to wait.

But a year sounds good........

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 05:46 PM
I had the exact thing happen to me in reverse....I had dated a girl who I had thought was "it," but after four years we stagnated and a long-distance relationship didn not make the heart grow fonder. We ended it in March. In May, I met a wonderful woman who was everthing I'd ever imagined--but I was insistent for the first 3-4 months to myself (and less obviously, to her) I wasn't looking for anything long-term, I considered myself "on the rebound," and said I was just looking to have a good time. I found out later, according to her, she "knew" I was the "one" after our first date. She even told her mom and best friend as much, that weekend. However, she understood where I was, at the time, and played it really cool. She didn't crowd me, didn't demonstrate any expectations of commitment...and let me figure it out on my own what was best for me.

7 months after our first date, I asked her to marry me. 14 months after we met, we were married. We now have four children, and next month we celebrate our 17th anniversary.

It hasn't always been easy, but through it all we decided we had made a commitment to each other to give it our best--to try to make it work. Through good times and bad. She's more than I ever deserved, and I thank God every day that she waited for me to figure it out.

milkman
07-01-2006, 05:48 PM
I think you should begin stalking her right now, day and night, to show her how truly dedicated you are to her.

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 05:51 PM
I think you should begin stalking her right now, day and night, to show her how truly dedicated you are to her.

I know you are kidding, but if my wife had crowded or pressured me.....during my rebound, I'm pretty sure I would have left as fast as I could have.

milkman
07-01-2006, 05:53 PM
I know you are kidding, but if my wife had crowded or pressured me.....during my rebound, I'm pretty sure I would have left as fast as I could have.

What?
Me?
Kid?

ROFL

Eskimo Joe
07-01-2006, 05:54 PM
I've intentionally not read the other responses to be unbiased with my remarks.

First off is this a disposable relationship?

If it is not disposable how badly do you want this to work?

In todays world it looks like most marriages are just temporary. The divorce rate (disposal) is climbing every year.

If it were me I'd take as much time as I could to make sure this was a life mate and not just another ride in the sack.

Psyko Tek
07-01-2006, 06:00 PM
Kotter's right, if she decides your the one it will happen...

tain't a damn thing you can do about it

JimNasium
07-01-2006, 06:04 PM
I'd give her all the space she needs and get you some strange on the side to bide the time.

DJay23
07-01-2006, 06:07 PM
I had the exact thing happen to me in reverse....I had dated a girl who I had thought was "it," but after four years we stagnated and a long-distance relationship didn not make the heart grow fonder. We ended it in March. In May, I met a wonderful woman who was everthing I'd ever imagined--but I was insistent for the first 3-4 months to myself (and less obviously, to her) I wasn't looking for anything long-term, I considered myself "on the rebound," and said I was just looking to have a good time. I found out later, according to her, she "knew" I was the "one" after our first date. She even told her mom and best friend as much, that weekend. However, she understood where I was, at the time, and played it really cool. She didn't crowd me, didn't demonstrate any expectations of commitment...and let me figure it out on my own what was best for me.

7 months after our first date, I asked her to marry me. 14 months after we met, we were married. We now have four children, and next month we celebrate our 17th anniversary.

It hasn't always been easy, but through it all we decided we had made a commitment to each other to give it our best--to try to make it work. Through good times and bad. She's more than I ever deserved, and I thank God every day that she waited for me to figure it out.

Well, I said I probably wouldn't be swayed by what anyone says, but I have to say this is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I plan on giving her space and only being a friend to her. She actually told me she feels closer to me since I revealed to her I went through a similar phase 5 years ago and know exactly how she feels.

milkman
07-01-2006, 06:09 PM
Well, I said I probably wouldn't be swayed by what anyone says, but I have to say this is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I plan on giving her space and only being a friend to her. She actually told me she feels closer to me since I revealed to her I went through a similar phase 5 years ago and know exactly how she feels.

Damn!

And I was so hoping that I would be the one to inspire! :banghead:

:)

DJay23
07-01-2006, 06:10 PM
I've intentionally not read the other responses to be unbiased with my remarks.

First off is this a disposable relationship?

If it is not disposable how badly do you want this to work?

In todays world it looks like most marriages are just temporary. The divorce rate (disposal) is climbing every year.

If it were me I'd take as much time as I could to make sure this was a life mate and not just another ride in the sack.
She's not at all disposable. Usually one of the first things I think of when I first meet a woman is what i can do to her in the sack. With her, I was physically attracted, but it's like my brain told my cock to shut up and look deeper.

She is someone who has made it clear to me that she has no desire to leave the area (a problem I have encountered in the past, they all want to get the **** out of central PA).

I try not to look too far into the future, but with her, I could easily envision spending my life with her. I want it very badly to work.

DJay23
07-01-2006, 06:11 PM
Damn!

And I was so hoping that I would be the one to inspire! :banghead:

:)
ROFL

I'm much too lazy to be a stalker.

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 06:12 PM
Well, I said I probably wouldn't be swayed by what anyone says, but I have to say this is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I plan on giving her space and only being a friend to her. She actually told me she feels closer to me since I revealed to her I went through a similar phase 5 years ago and know exactly how she feels.

You are welcome. Be patient, but if you know what you want you don't need to wait 2 or 3 years as some might say. Unless you are really young (under 23-24 yrs old) you probably know what you want by now. Good luck.

DJay23
07-01-2006, 06:15 PM
I'd give her all the space she needs and get you some strange on the side to bide the time.
Alright, I may get my man card taken from me for this, but the other night an ex called around 2AM for a booty call. Now we broke up in February, but have managed to hit it a dozen or so times since (but not since I met "dreamgirl." She was drunk and ready for some and I COULDN'T DO IT! Am I insane?! I asked how I could turn her down and all I could think of was "dreamgirl."

The ex is hot as hell too. Basically the only part of our relationship that was worth a damn was sex. She's what you would call, "disposable."

DJay23
07-01-2006, 06:17 PM
You are welcome. Be patient, but if you know what you want you don't need to wait 2 or 3 years as some might say. Unless you are really young (under 23-24 yrs old) you probably know what you want by now. Good luck.
I'm 28 (29 in October) and I've tested the waters enough to know what I want. I know I want her.

Rausch
07-01-2006, 06:34 PM
Alright imagine (if you are married) or consider (if you are not) that you are a single man (or woman, but this is written from a man's point of view) in your mid to late 20's. You've dated many people and have not found the one girl who makes your mint life saver spark. Then one day, you meet someone with potential. After some getting to know one another you feel very strongly that this could develop into "the one." She is your counterpart in almost every way you can recognize in a month and a half. But a snag. This person is just off a horrible break up and feels it necessary to give herself some more time to work through her pain from that, yet very much wants to be involved with you. She feels it's not fair to you to get involved while she's in such a bad place (those of you who have been cheated on after a long relationship know that feeling). Let's assume that you trust this person is genuine and isn't just playing you.

As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her.


If you honestly believe that there is no too long.

How long do you wait to buy the perfect car or home? Which is really more important?...

Mr. Flopnuts
07-01-2006, 06:40 PM
The fact that you stated you want it to work very badly is a sign you should probably relax from the situation yourself currently. I say this because in my experience when you want something so badly you are almost inevitibly bound to **** it up. Maybe the fact that she needs some time to heal from her wounds is the best thing that could happen for this potential relationship. It will give you two the time to form a friendship bond that may make both of you more comfortable when the time comes. I hope it works out for you. As to the question itself. I personally would never put a time limit on something I felt so strongly about. The time would be up when the feeling subsided.

DJay23
07-01-2006, 07:24 PM
The fact that you stated you want it to work very badly is a sign you should probably relax from the situation yourself currently. I say this because in my experience when you want something so badly you are almost inevitibly bound to **** it up. Maybe the fact that she needs some time to heal from her wounds is the best thing that could happen for this potential relationship. It will give you two the time to form a friendship bond that may make both of you more comfortable when the time comes. I hope it works out for you. As to the question itself. I personally would never put a time limit on something I felt so strongly about. The time would be up when the feeling subsided.
Thanks, Flopnuts, you make a lot of sense.

Logical
07-01-2006, 07:35 PM
I'm 28 (29 in October) and I've tested the waters enough to know what I want. I know I want her.

The difficult question you need to ask yourself is, does she have recipricol feelings or is she trying to find a polite way to distance herself from you?

DJay23
07-01-2006, 07:43 PM
The difficult question you need to ask yourself is, does she have recipricol feelings or is she trying to find a polite way to distance herself from you?
I have asked this both to myself and to her. She maintains that she is very much interested in a relationship wiht me in the future, she just doesn't want to get me mixed up in her turmoil.

I actively over-think everything, and of course I always seem to assume that she is trying to get rid of me or is pushing me to the side while she tests the waters herself. I feel more and more confident however, through our conversations, that she is genuine in what she says, and is not simply trying to distance me from her. She had enough trouble telling me that she didn't feel we should push a relationship right now, I think if you are going to do that sort of thing, might as well go the rest of the way if that's what you want. And I trust her. She hasn't given me reason not to.

Logical
07-01-2006, 07:45 PM
I have asked this both to myself and to her. She maintains that she is very much interested in a relationship wiht me in the future, she just doesn't want to get me mixed up in her turmoil.

I actively over-think everything, and of course I always seem to assume that she is trying to get rid of me or is pushing me to the side while she tests the waters herself. I feel more and more confident however, through our conversations, that she is genuine in what she says, and is not simply trying to distance me from her. She had enough trouble telling me that she didn't feel we should push a relationship right now, I think if you are going to do that sort of thing, might as well go the rest of the way if that's what you want. And I trust her. She hasn't given me reason not to.

I think you already know what you want to do. Just act on it.

DJay23
07-01-2006, 07:54 PM
I think you already know what you want to do. Just act on it.
I find it so hard to figure out how much is too much. If I could I would call her or visit her, or talk to her every minute of the day, but I know I need to give her space. I also don't want to back off too much and make her think I'm no longer interested. She is also worried that our conversations will now change and that I won't be quite as forward as I have been, which I've just realized that I haven't been. I hope I can do this. :(

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 08:00 PM
I find it so hard to figure out how much is too much. If I could I would call her or visit her, or talk to her every minute of the day, but I know I need to give her space. I also don't want to back off too much and make her think I'm no longer interested. She is also worried that our conversations will now change and that I won't be quite as forward as I have been, which I've just realized that I haven't been. I hope I can do this. :(You two may be different....but my wife and I said the same things: "let's take it easy," "we can date others if we want," and "if you have other things to do, it's no big deal."

As for us, I was in the field training and/or down-range a lot (I was an Army Officer)...about one-third or more of the time, but every day I wasn't.... we spent most of our leisure time together. By mutual choice.

It was as if, even though we had the choice and freedom, neither of us really chose it....

If you are talking most days, seeing her 3-4 days a week....she won't think you are wandering.

Phobia
07-01-2006, 08:10 PM
My wife waited almost 5 years. I have no idea what she was thinking.

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 08:12 PM
My wife waited almost 5 years. I have no idea what she was thinking.
Damn, you must be hung like a horse or something. :shake:




;)

chiefs4me
07-01-2006, 08:13 PM
I'm 28 (29 in October) and I've tested the waters enough to know what I want. I know I want her.







you only want her...because you can't have her..

Mr. Kotter
07-01-2006, 08:15 PM
you only want her...because you can't have her..
That's not true, Cathy. That's more a woman thing....

Guys are like, "What? You would rather sit and talk with your friends, than dance? Hell, that's okay. I have to take a dump anyway. No biggie."

;)

DJay23
07-01-2006, 08:24 PM
you only want her...because you can't have her..
I'm quite certain I can, in fact I'll quote the end of our converstaion the other night when she said something like, "When I'm healed, I'm after you!"

whoaskew
07-02-2006, 02:50 AM
I suggest you keep looking. She is not ready and there is no guarantee when or if she ever will be. You could miss out on someone special while you are waiting for her to come around.

If it is meant to be between you two, you will get an opportunity later. Obviously it is not meant to happen right now.

Phobia
07-02-2006, 03:18 AM
I suggest you keep looking. She is not ready and there is no guarantee when or if she ever will be. You could miss out on someone special while you are waiting for her to come around.

If it is meant to be between you two, you will get an opportunity later. Obviously it is not meant to happen right now.
Who asked you?

That's crap. If you feel there's a future, then wait. If not, move on. This dating/marriage thing really isn't all that difficult. Honesty and communication go a long way towards long-term success.

jspchief
07-02-2006, 04:56 AM
So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.

Bob Dole
07-02-2006, 05:51 AM
As near as you can tell, this is your dreamgirl. How long would YOU wait for her.

About 12 hours.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 07:26 AM
Who asked you?

That's crap. If you feel there's a future, then wait. If not, move on. This dating/marriage thing really isn't all that difficult. Honesty and communication go a long way towards long-term success.

So how many times have you been married?

Sounds like you have plenty of experience in that field.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 07:29 AM
So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.


alot of them? how about all of them?

when dealing with women there are a very distinct set of rules, then every 28 days those rules are subject to change.

DJay23
07-02-2006, 07:44 AM
So how far off this breakup is she?

Many years ago, I was on the other end of a similar relationship. My fiance called off our engagement a few months before the wedding, not for any deficiency in the relationship, just because she "needed to have some fun". Needless to say, I was pretty broken up over it.

A month or two later, I met a girl and we started dating. To be honest, I was doing it because I needed the company more than anything else. All the time we were dating, I kept telling myself I didn't want a relationship. Sometimes it projected itself into my actions, but this girl was persistent and weathered my bad days. Then a day came, after about 8 months of dating this girl that "I didn't care about", where I realized that in spite of all my insistance that I didn't want a relationship, I was still with this woman. Fast forward to today, and we're happily married with an incredible daughter.

So my advice would be to be persistent. Had my wife not been, we wouldn't be together. Not smothering, just willing to ride the waves for awhile. If 6 months from now she's still making excuses, then it's time to move on. If she's all you claim, she's worthy of the work and the wait. If you guys are truly meant to be, she's one day going to realize that her life is about what it's become with you, not what it was with someone in the past.

I'd also remind you that you're dealing with a woman, and a lot of them are plain crazy. She may just be milking the situation for the drama/attention. I suggest you really examine the way she weilds her "emotional distress". It may just be a ploy to get your attention. I don't know how old she is, but if she's near your age, she should be mature enough to get over a bad breakup in a reasonable amount of time. If this happened 6+ months ago, I think it's time to ask yourself why she's still hung up on something that clearly didn't work.

Thank you for your input. She is 23 but from all signs is a mature 23. The break up was 3 months ago. She's never spoken about her ex other than to plainly say that he cheated on her and was not nice to her. Never any great detail beyond him leaving her at home in bed while he's out partying and whoring himself. And she wasn't a raving, she was very matter of fact about it. I've never experienced her raving and becoming "emotional" only heard her describe that emptiness that one is left with after such a break up. Usually I am the most skeptical person around, but in this case I believe that she is really in pain. From everything she has said and described to me, sounds a lot like I did when I went through the same thing.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 08:13 AM
Thank you for your input. She is 23 but from all signs is a mature 23. The break up was 3 months ago. She's never spoken about her ex other than to plainly say that he cheated on her and was not nice to her. Never any great detail beyond him leaving her at home in bed while he's out partying and whoring himself. And she wasn't a raving, she was very matter of fact about it. I've never experienced her raving and becoming "emotional" only heard her describe that emptiness that one is left with after such a break up. Usually I am the most skeptical person around, but in this case I believe that she is really in pain. From everything she has said and described to me, sounds a lot like I did when I went through the same thing.


In that case I'd tell her when she is ready for some serious business to give you a call. It doesn't sound like she was out trolling for a strange pecker but her pecker was out searching for some strange poon.

Getting a winner on the rebound doesn't really sound that bad.

Phobia
07-02-2006, 09:21 AM
So how many times have you been married?

Sounds like you have plenty of experience in that field.
I'm 4 years into my second marriage - 9 years into this relationship so I do have a little bit of experience. I like to share my life experiences with people in hopes that they won't repeat the same mistakes I made.

luv
07-02-2006, 10:12 AM
You can't go into a relationship thinking it will end up like all your other relationships. Yet, you also can't go into it thinking she's 'the one' from the get go. Just take each day as it comes. Whatever happens happens. Are the two of you already in an exclusive relationship? If she's not ready, don't sit around and wait. This could just be another girl, and your Miss Right might be the one you pass up while waiting for her to get over her past.

FAX
07-02-2006, 10:15 AM
1 year if the girl in question is ugly. 1 week if she it hot.

Hot girls get over things much more quickly than ugly ones.

FAX

luv
07-02-2006, 10:17 AM
1 year if the girl in question is ugly. 1 week if she it hot.

Hot girls get over things much more quickly than ugly ones.

FAX
That's because they know it will be a sinch to find someone new.

FAX
07-02-2006, 10:27 AM
That's because they know it will be a sinch to find someone new.

Exactly, Ms. luv. Which only goes to show that pretty people are in danger of ugly people at all times.

FAX

keg in kc
07-02-2006, 11:55 AM
I would not look at it as waiting. I would look at it as being there for this person, helping them get through what they're going through. For them, not for you, and not just because you want something from them. If you can do that, you know the potential is genuine, from your perspective. Then you can start to worry about reciprocation. Time should not even be an element, because a real life-long relationship is worth whatever time and effort that it takes. People think you have to rush into these things but you really don't (I can't believe I'm saying that, if anybody knew what was going on in my life right now, lol).

As for the "keep looking, you might miss out" sentiment, well, I'm of the school that says people who look for love are generally desperate. They're so afraid of being alone that they settle for less than they want or need, and they usually find people who are just like them. Often there's some deception involved, and they find out later that who they have isn't who they thought they'd found, and things end badly. So my advice is don't look, just live life and take advantage of what comes to you.

That's just my opinion, of course. But I'm not exactly Dr. Love.

mcan
07-02-2006, 12:05 PM
You should stay on your game... Be aggressive. You shouldn't really have to wait for her to "heal" since there really isn't such a thing. Emotional "healing" is just emotional replacement and forgetting rolled into one. Help her replace her current sh!t emotions with good ones. Ask her out, but keep it casual.

Right now, emotional healing probably isn't the real reason why she doesn't want to date. She doesn't want to date because she associates dating with bad feelings. Once she gets back on the horse and realizes that if she dated you, she would associate dating with GOOD feelings, you're in the clear.

This doesn't have to be a long process. But the worst that you can do is sit back and relax and let some DICKHEAD come along and steal her out from under you while you're being the nice guy and "waiting" like she says she wants, or might even think she wants... But doesn't really. What she really wants is to feel better.

keg in kc
07-02-2006, 12:07 PM
You know, I like that approach too, mcan.

Why can't life be simple?

luv
07-02-2006, 12:11 PM
You should stay on your game... Be aggressive. You shouldn't really have to wait for her to "heal" since there really isn't such a thing. Emotional "healing" is just emotional replacement and forgetting rolled into one. Help her replace her current sh!t emotions with good ones. Ask her out, but keep it casual.

Right now, emotional healing probably isn't the real reason why she doesn't want to date. She doesn't want to date because she associates dating with bad feelings. Once she gets back on the horse and realizes that if she dated you, she would associate dating with GOOD feelings, you're in the clear.

This doesn't have to be a long process. But the worst that you can do is sit back and relax and let some DICKHEAD come along and steal her out from under you while you're being the nice guy and "waiting" like she says she wants, or might even think she wants... But doesn't really. What she really wants is to feel better.
If I wasn't ready, and some guy kept hounding me, I wouldn't be likely to go out with him. Ask her out, but don't be aggressive.

Bugeater
07-02-2006, 12:29 PM
Life's too short. Move on.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 04:42 PM
I'm 4 years into my second marriage - 9 years into this relationship so I do have a little bit of experience. I like to share my life experiences with people in hopes that they won't repeat the same mistakes I made.

I don't agree. Your experiences will do nothing for the learning of others.

You learn by what you suffer.

FAX
07-02-2006, 04:50 PM
I don't agree. Your experiences will do nothing for the learning of others.

You learn by what you suffer.

Try burning some blubber, Mr. Eskimo Joe. It may be advisable to unfreeze your brain prior to posting.

Many persons learn from the experiences of others. It happens all the time and is not at all uncommon.

FAX

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 04:59 PM
Try burning some blubber, Mr. Eskimo Joe. It may be advisable to unfreeze your brain prior to posting.

Many persons learn from the experiences of others. It happens all the time and is not at all uncommon.

FAX

Ya think?

So the Phobia dude gets married and it only lasts X [luv corrected the years so x= however many years you want it to] years. What did we learn from that?
1. Wife is a bitch and he bails out?
2. Phobia is a bitch and she bails out?
3. Wife goes trolling for new meat and he bails out?
4. Phobia goes trolling for new meat and she bails out?
5. Wife hates Phobia and commits suicide?
6. Phobia murders first wife and spends time behind bars, second wife knows his background and marries him anyway due to the prison attraction.
7. etc.

What have we all learned?

1. Phobia's first marriage lasted 4 years. Yes, I see what you mean, I learned a valuable lesson there!

Next question?

Unless you are associated with the breakup of that particular marriage you have learned only that they are no longer together and he is now on a second more stable marriage. What has happened to her?

A total load of learning is happening.

Bugeater
07-02-2006, 04:59 PM
Try burning some blubber, Mr. Eskimo Joe. It may be advisable to unfreeze your brain prior to posting.

Many persons learn from the experiences of others. It happens all the time and is not at all uncommon.

FAX
It doesn't necessarily mean that things are going to happen the same way for someone else.

Bugeater
07-02-2006, 05:00 PM
I don't agree. Your experiences will do nothing for the learning of others.

You learn by what you suffer.
And don't forget, the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care.

FAX
07-02-2006, 05:08 PM
Ya think?

I see your point, Mr. Eskimo Joe. It is well made, although your propensity for random syntax is somewhat perplexing.

Let's try to look at it this way. If people could not or did not learn from the experiences of others (from both their triumphs and their failures, their strengths and their weaknesses, their successes and their mistakes), each person and each generation would have to start from scratch. This does not happen.

If it did, we would still be living in primitive conditions in little huts or houses made from blocks and scrounging for food among the icebergs like the penguins and polar bears do.

FAX

FAX
07-02-2006, 05:09 PM
It doesn't necessarily mean that things are going to happen the same way for someone else.

Quite so, Mr. Bugeater. Each person's experience is different. There is no question about it. For each person is unique as are circumstances.

That is why, when you think about it, learning from the experiences of others can be so beneficial. It takes some of the guesswork out of things.

FAX

luv
07-02-2006, 05:17 PM
Ya think?

So the Phobia dude gets married and it only lasts 4 years. What did we learn from that?
1. Wife is a bitch and he bails out?
2. Phobia is a bitch and she bails out?
3. Wife goes trolling for new meat and he bails out?
4. Phobia goes trolling for new meat and she bails out?
5. Wife hates Phobia and commits suicide?
6. Phobia murders first wife and spends time behind bars, second wife knows his background and marries him anyway due to the prison attraction.
7. etc.

What have we all learned?

1. Phobia's first marriage lasted 4 years. Yes, I see what you mean, I learned a valuable lesson there!

Next question?

Unless you are associated with the breakup of that particular marriage you have learned only that they are no longer together and he is now on a second more stable marriage. What has happened to her?

A total load of learning is happening.
Actually, he did not mention anything about his previous marriage. He said he is four years into his second one, but nine years into the relationship. Translation...Someone waited five years for the other person to be ready. From what I know of him, I believe it was her that waited for him to be ready. And where would they both be if she hadn't? In his experience, her waiting for him was a good thing. That's his input. DJay asked for input. Others have had different viewpoints. It's up to DJay to decide which advice he wants to take.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 05:34 PM
I see your point, Mr. Eskimo Joe. It is well made, although your propensity for random syntax is somewhat perplexing.

Let's try to look at it this way. If people could not or did not learn from the experiences of others (from both their triumphs and their failures, their strengths and their weaknesses, their successes and their mistakes), each person and each generation would have to start from scratch. This does not happen.

If it did, we would still be living in primitive conditions in little huts or houses made from blocks and scrounging for food among the icebergs like the penguins and polar bears do.

FAX


I see your point, but what does that have to do with personal relationships?

Nothing, nada, zero, etc. I'm sure you get the point. It's like comparing coconuts and peaches.

FAX
07-02-2006, 05:44 PM
I see your point, but what does that have to do with personal relationships?

Nothing, nada, zero, etc. I'm sure you get the point. It's like comparing coconuts and peaches.

Maybe, maybe not, Mr. Eskimo Joe.

Let's say that you know a guy who marries a girl who can't drive a stick shift. And, let's say that the guy's car is a stick. And, let's say that the girl drives the car and screws it up. The guy takes the car to a repair shop and the mechanic says, "you've blown a seal." (Now keep in mind that, as an eskimo, you might take this the wrong way, but I don't intend it to mean you've actually "blown a seal").

Anyway, the car requires $1500 in repairs which pisses off the guy. He then goes home and kicks the living crap out of the girl, she calls 911, the police come, and the guy is arrested and spends the next 15 months in lock up while his car is sold to pay the back taxes on his house.

There are many lessons to be learned from this guy's experience in a relationship that might help another when faced with a similar situation. For example, prior to kicking the crap out of your wife, be sure to hide her cell phone.

FAX

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 05:52 PM
Maybe, maybe not, Mr. Eskimo Joe.

Let's say that you know a guy who marries a girl who can't drive a stick shift. And, let's say that the guy's car is a stick. And, let's say that the girl drives the car and screws it up. The guy takes the car to a repair shop and the mechanic says, "you've blown a seal." (Now keep in mind that, as an eskimo, you might take this the wrong way, but I don't intend it to mean you've actually "blown a seal").

Anyway, the car requires $1500 in repairs which pisses off the guy. He then goes home and kicks the living crap out of the girl, she calls 911, the police come, and the guy is arrested and spends the next 15 months in lock up while his car is sold to pay the back taxes on his house.

There are many lessons to be learned from this guy's experience in a relationship that might help another when faced with a similar situation. For example, prior to kicking the crap out of your wife, be sure to hide her cell phone.

FAX

Just what drugs are you currently on?

luv
07-02-2006, 05:54 PM
Just what drugs are you currently on?
FAX is just very creatively gifted. At least I don't think it's drugs.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:03 PM
FAX is just very creatively gifted. At least I don't think it's drugs.


I won't agree that he is creatively gifted, I still think it's drugs or a combination of alcohol and drugs.

His comment is trying to compare common sense with uncontrolled behavior of others. Common sense says that you don't beat your wife regardless of the situation. Those that do belong behind bars.

milkman
07-02-2006, 06:05 PM
I won't agree that he is creatively gifted, I still think it's drugs or a combination of alcohol and drugs.

His comment is trying to compare common sense with uncontrolled behavior of others. Common sense says that you don't beat your wife regardless of the situation. Those that do belong behind bars.

Common sense should tell you that FAX was joking.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:09 PM
Common sense should tell you that FAX was joking.

You have a tremendous grasp of the obvious. I recommend engaging your common sense before commenting.

milkman
07-02-2006, 06:12 PM
You have a tremendous grasp of the obvious. I recommend engaging your common sense before commenting.

You really are a prick, aren't you?

FAX
07-02-2006, 06:19 PM
I won't agree that he is creatively gifted, I still think it's drugs or a combination of alcohol and drugs.

His comment is trying to compare common sense with uncontrolled behavior of others. Common sense says that you don't beat your wife regardless of the situation. Those that do belong behind bars.

Sorry to disagree with you again, Mr. Eskimo Joe, but I'm not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol whatsoever. None. Nada. Zip. El Zero. Etc. Unless, of course, you count the lortab.

As far as creativity is concerned, you are absolutely correct on that score. I'm simply too weary from beating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX to even think about engaging in more imaginative activities.

As for my utter and complete lack of common sense, Iíve recanted my position in this debate. Upon reflection, it is patently obvious that we donít learn from others. Thatís why wearing skins and stabbing fish with sharpened sticks is still in vogue.

FAX

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:33 PM
Sorry to disagree with you again, Mr. Eskimo Joe, but I'm not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol whatsoever. None. Nada. Zip. El Zero. Etc. Unless, of course, you count the lortab.

As far as creativity is concerned, you are absolutely correct on that score. I'm simply too weary from beating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX to even think about engaging in more imaginative activities.

As for my utter and complete lack of common sense, Iíve recanted my position in this debate. Upon reflection, it is patently obvious that we donít learn from others. Thatís why wearing skins and stabbing fish with sharpened sticks is still in vogue.

FAX

My guess is that you can't see the forrest for the trees. You are trying to put relationships in the same frame as physical happenings, doesn't work.

You are not creative, but if you want to believe so it's ok. (go see your shrink if necessary.)

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:35 PM
You really are a prick, aren't you?

Actually no, I'm a Wilson from Stillwater.

Eskimo Joe Wilson.

Nice to meet you too - -- - - - - - - prick!

milkman
07-02-2006, 06:37 PM
Actually no, I'm a Wilson from Stillwater.

Eskimo Joe Wilson.

Nice to meet you too - -- - - - - - - prick!

And you actually suggest that FAX lacks creativity.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:43 PM
And you actually suggest that FAX lacks creativity.


What's your point prickman?

milkman
07-02-2006, 06:45 PM
What's your point prickman?

If you need me to explain my point, then you are not only a prick, but a moron, as well.

That's a dangerous combination.

luv
07-02-2006, 06:46 PM
What's your point prickman?
I can't tell if you really are an asshole, or if you're just trying to play one on a bb.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:46 PM
Well prickman, it is now 6:00 am.

As much as I'd like to stay around and trade pointless barbs with you I must shower and head for work.

But don't let my absence keep you from carrying on this conversation with yourself. You seem to be pretty good at it.

milkman
07-02-2006, 06:49 PM
Well prickman, it is now 6:00 am.

As much as I'd like to stay around and trade pointless barbs with you I must shower and head for work.

But don't let my absence keep you from carrying on this conversation with yourself. You seem to be pretty good at it.

Certainly.

Talking to you is a waste anyway, since you lack the IQ to comprehend whatever I say.

FAX
07-02-2006, 06:51 PM
My guess is that you can't see the forrest for the trees. You are trying to put relationships in the same frame as physical happenings, doesn't work.

You are not creative, but if you want to believe so it's ok. (go see your shrink if necessary.)

Hmmm. At this point, I suppose I would submit that you have proven yourself to be little more than a tool, Eskimo Pie, but I know that your kind is unfamiliar with both the concept and use of devices more complex than a flint rock.

Yet, you have helped me realize that the vast amount of research, literature, support, and aid offered by literally hundreds of thousands of institutions, organizations and individuals for the purpose of assisting others in the development and maintenance of positive, gratifying and rewarding interpersonal relationships actually does not exist anywhere in that forest so hidden from my eye and to which you so eloquently refer.

Ah, were we all so fortunate to have your intelligence, insight, and sophisticated manner. The temperate zones would surely be better places. (By the way, below the Arctic Circle, ďforestĒ is spelled with only one ďrĒ. Or, perhaps you were referencing Forrest Gump? If so, I apologize.)

FAX

Bugeater
07-02-2006, 06:53 PM
Well prickman, it is now 6:00 am.

As much as I'd like to stay around and trade pointless barbs with you I must shower and head for work.

But don't let my absence keep you from carrying on this conversation with yourself. You seem to be pretty good at it.
Huh? Is Stillwater in a different time zone now?

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 06:54 PM
Certainly.

Talking to you is a waste anyway, since you lack the IQ to comprehend whatever I say.


I'm really happy that you think so much of yourself, nobody else does.

What you have failed to realize is that you are applying thing to areas that are not comparable. I find it refreshing that someone like you will stick by their guns and not vary even in the face of reality.

If you were offended by me calling you prickman, good.

FAX
07-02-2006, 06:57 PM
Huh? Is Stillwater in a different time zone now?

I think they tell time by watching ice melt, Mr. Bugeater. Global warming may have screwed up their clocks.

FAX

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 07:01 PM
Huh? Is Stillwater in a different time zone now?


When I posted that remark is was 7:30pm in Kansas City, where in the world would I be if the time was 10 1/2 hours different?

Currently on an assignment in Surat City, India. Yep, I'm in a different time zone!

I guess that one flew right over the top of your little pointed head!

milkman
07-02-2006, 07:04 PM
I'm really happy that you think so much of yourself, nobody else does.

What you have failed to realize is that you are applying thing to areas that are not comparable. I find it refreshing that someone like you will stick by their guns and not vary even in the face of reality.

If you were offended by me calling you prickman, good.

Offended?

Me?

I don't care much what others think of me, and even if I did, I would be amused by your banal attempt at humor.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 07:06 PM
Offended?

Me?

I don't care much what others think of me, and even if I did, I would be amused by your banal attempt at humor.

Considering the remark I'd guess it must of wounded you deeply.

Dry your tears, nothing is serious on the internet.

Bugeater
07-02-2006, 07:07 PM
When I posted that remark is was 7:30pm in Kansas City, where in the world would I be if the time was 10 1/2 hours different?

Currently on an assignment in Surat City, India. Yep, I'm in a different time zone!

I guess that one flew right over the top of your little pointed head!
Of course. You are right, whenever someone says "Stillwater", most people immediately think of Surat City, India.

FAX
07-02-2006, 07:10 PM
When I posted that remark is was 7:30pm in Kansas City, where in the world would I be if the time was 10 1/2 hours different?

Currently on an assignment in Surat City, India. Yep, I'm in a different time zone!

I guess that one flew right over the top of your little pointed head!

I hope that, during your stay, you have occasion to visit some of the marvelous Hindu temples. It may well be that some meditation can help you assuage your anger issues, Eskimo Pie.

Anyway, have a nice time and, while you're there, be sure to drink plenty of their water.

FAX

milkman
07-02-2006, 07:20 PM
Considering the remark I'd guess it must of wounded you deeply.

Dry your tears, nothing is serious on the internet.

Ya got me.

:deevee: :deevee: :deevee:

I just can't hold back the tears.

Eskimo Joe
07-02-2006, 07:23 PM
I hope that, during your stay, you have occasion to visit some of the marvelous Hindu temples. It may well be that some meditation can help you assuage your anger issues, Eskimo Pie.

Anyway, have a nice time and, while you're there, be sure to drink plenty of their water.

FAX

What makes you think I'm angry?

I HAVEN'T BEEN SPEAKING LIKE SO.

You might want to take more drugs and have a beer. Your creativity seems to be slipping.

I get all of the bottled water I need, thank you very much!

All I see are the 12,000 Indians that are working in the plant. Not much else. I haven't even been outside the main gate since we arrived.

stumppy
07-02-2006, 07:44 PM
Where the hell is Skip??????

Eskimo Piehole has the biggest noob bullseye I've seen in a long time and that cranky old fart is AWOL.

StcChief
07-03-2006, 07:38 AM
She's not at all disposable. Usually one of the first things I think of when I first meet a woman is what i can do to her in the sack. With her, I was physically attracted, but it's like my brain told my cock to shut up and look deeper.

She is someone who has made it clear to me that she has no desire to leave the area (a problem I have encountered in the past, they all want to get the **** out of central PA).

I try not to look too far into the future, but with her, I could easily envision spending my life with her. I want it very badly to work.
Sounds like she is staying in the area (PA), I would give it time 2-3 months,
she will be around , touch base with her sounds like your staying in PA too. If she is interested she will want to see you. Patience is a virtue she will realize that.

DJay23
07-03-2006, 07:46 AM
Sounds like she is staying in the area (PA), I would give it time 2-3 months,
she will be around , touch base with her sounds like your staying in PA too. If she is interested she will want to see you. Patience is a virtue she will realize that.
And I think she does. She's told me several times (as I've told her) that she doesn't want to lose track of me. She just needs time and hopes I can be patient. Of course she added that if I can't, she would understand, she's not asking me to wait for her (which I doubt I would ask anyone to wait for me) but is sort of telling me that she hopes I do.

You have no idea how hard it is to find young women in this area who have plans on staying here. In the last 5 years (since my longest relationship ended) I've dated maybe 15 or 16 girls and probably 3 of them have plans of hanging around. I myself have a great job here so I'd be a fool to leave it.

After reading all of the advice on here, I'm going to take things a day at a time and see what happens. I'm not going to push her, but rather just be there enough to remind her that I'm here when she's ready. I'm not going to actively look for anything else.

Saulbadguy
07-03-2006, 08:04 AM
She's got hand.

DJJasonp
07-03-2006, 08:47 AM
Classic situation - it's going to be tough...but you gotta act like you dont care because you got "other things going on".

That's the only way you'll know if she really is into you (especially if she's coming off of a bad relationship).

Keep dating, going out, etc....and she's aware of it...and that will make her go after you harder.

Saulbadguy
07-03-2006, 08:53 AM
Classic situation - it's going to be tough...but you gotta act like you dont care because you got "other things going on".

That's the only way you'll know if she really is into you (especially if she's coming off of a bad relationship).

Keep dating, going out, etc....and she's aware of it...and that will make her go after you harder.
Yep. Otherwise you will come off looking like the desperate type.

ct
07-03-2006, 08:58 AM
If you really think she's your one, why are you worried about rushing things? Just enjoy being with her.

Iowanian
07-03-2006, 09:42 AM
I don't have anything positive to add....but reading this thread, I envision the author having morgan freeman throw a sword at a witch, while he's stabbing the evil Lord to save the lady....Brian Adams ballad ensues.

If that doesn't work for you.....He's in the mirror, envisioning himself as Danial Day Lewis in Indian Scout garb, about to jump off of a water fall....

"babah, Ah will fiiiiiind you"