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TinyEvel
07-20-2006, 03:07 PM
Hopefully you're familiar with IKEA, the cavernous Swedish furniture store?

While spending the better part of two hours in there the other day I noticed that a lot of the Swedish names for their furniture and stuff would make great nicknames for your unit. Stuff like the Schlong lamp, Shmedvik chair, etc.

I mean, names like Peter, Mr. Happy, One-Eyed Willy, the little Spelunker, etc. get old after a while, right?

So I jumped on-line for a look at their catalog, and wouldn't you know it's a virtual treasure trove of great nicknames for your Johnson.

Here are just a few REAL names from the IKEA catalog (typing restrictions kept me from using the little two-dots, flying "v"s and other additional Swedish accent marks, but you'll get the idea. Happy shopping)

NAME (what it is) when to use it

AGEN (chair) name it this if you’re on the Viagra
AKTION (spice mill) name it this if you get girls by saying you’re a director.
ALVINE (curtain) name it this, and you can call your balls “the chipmunks”
ANTONIUS (storage) macho as hell Roman name
BAGN (bed tray) if you always use a condom
BAREN (cabinet) if you shave it
BJARNUM JARPEN (shelf) if you want to give it a Star Wars-ish name
BLANKEN (soap dish) if you’ve had a vasectomy
BOLSNAS (basket) named after the other stuff down there.
BONA (vase) good name if it’s always stiff
BUMERANG (hanger) if it’s bent
BYGGA (construction set) if you’ve had it enlarged
DRAG (handle) if your penis will be a “surprise” to someone.
DRAGON (fork) Actually Short for “Peter B. Dragon”
FAGELBO (sofa) If you’re ghey, and it’s bent
FLYGEL (lamp) if it shoots far
FUNKIS (magazine rack) if it smells
FORMA (bowl) if you can bend it into shapes
GRIP (handle) if you’ve always got your hand on it
HOPEN (table) if you keep a condom in your wallet
INNER (cushion) where it wishes it can be
JERKER ( drawer) see GRIP
JABBA (hanger) If you like Star Wars names, though not recommended
KNUFF (file cabinet) if it’s just over five inches
MANE (chair) if it’s hairy
POKAL (glass) if you’d do anyone
PROMPT (muffin tin) if it comes on time
PLUGG (clock) what better name for something designed to fill a hole?
RAMBERG (wardrobe) Good name for it if you’re German
RIBBA (frame) if it will reach all the way up to her lungs
SCHLAGER (lamp) Perfect Swedish name for your wood. Say it out loud. See?
SIGFRID (bracket) great name if you have just one testicle, named Roy.
STORM (lamp) if it comes unexpectedly
SULTAN (bed) if you keep a turban on it
UTANG (lamp) with this name, you can use an awesome slogan “Utang wants some p**ntang”
VORK (rug) sounds like a Swedish Superhero. Plus, you can say, “Vork wants to pork”
WILMA (curtain) only a good name when coupled with the surname Cockfit

--TinyE

PBJ PBJ PBJ PBJ PBJ PBJ

bogie
07-20-2006, 04:00 PM
Very, very creative.

bishop_74
07-20-2006, 04:57 PM
PLUGG - That would defintely be appropriate. Buuuuut I'll just stick with Deathbringer....

CHENZ A!
07-20-2006, 05:53 PM
FUNKIS (magazine rack) if it smells


"Damn girl look what you're doin to my FUNKIS!"
ROFL

TinyEvel
07-23-2006, 06:49 PM
Bump (thought this would help a slow news week BEFORE THE TY LAW NEWS YYYYAAAAAHOOOOOOO!!!!!

My BJARNUM JARPEN is at full Schligerlaag!!!

tyton75
07-23-2006, 07:26 PM
UTANG (lamp) with this name, you can use an awesome slogan “Utang wants some p**ntang”

That one made me laugh out loud

Ultra Peanut
07-23-2006, 08:45 PM
what

Mr. Flopnuts
07-23-2006, 08:47 PM
what



whoa tiger

TinyEvel
07-23-2006, 09:00 PM
what


Actually, "Ultra Peanut" is a pretty damn good Johnson nickname, too!

Touche, sir!

KcMizzou
07-23-2006, 09:08 PM
This man approves of this thread.

luv
07-23-2006, 09:10 PM
Alvine and the chipmunks.... ROFL ....how cute!

luv
07-23-2006, 09:11 PM
what
ROFL

greg63
07-23-2006, 09:19 PM
Alvine and the chipmunks.... ROFL ....how cute!


The three stooges. :p

TinyEvel
12-02-2008, 12:44 AM
This was a good one.

Mr Luzcious
12-02-2008, 12:49 AM
This....was a good one. I'm surprised it didn't take off.

TinyEvel
12-02-2008, 12:53 AM
Oh snap, I just read through some of these and was LOLing. Fuggit, I LOL at my old sh!t sue me.
TinyE never catches a break. I will die drunk and blind and alone like Howard Hughes.

Rainman, however will die at 100 years old with a cult following.

TinyEvel
12-02-2008, 12:55 AM
Oh snap, I just read through some of these and was LOLing. Fuggit, I LOL at my old sh!t sue me.
TinyE never catches a break. I will die drunk and blind and alone like Howard Hughes.

Rainman, however will die at 100 years old with a cult following.

(not to slight Rainman, he deserves it. He should move to 'Nam and have a village of followers like Brando from apocalypse now)

JOhn
12-02-2008, 12:57 AM
(not to slight Rainman, he deserves it. He should move to 'Nam and have a village of followers like Brando from apocalypse now)

I thought he already did.

mylittlepony
12-02-2008, 12:58 AM
RIBBA is actually the best one of the bunch. Ribba means Crossbar (such as in a soccer goal) and is slang in Swedish for having a boner. "Jag har fet ribba" = Im having a huge hardon.

POKAL means trophy and is also good I guess.

SCHLAGER is the worst one. Its like this music style thats pop/musical that has a 95% fanbase of homosexual men who want to be flamboyant. Naming your penis schlager is nothing short of sticking it through a gloryhole in a mens bathroom.

Erh... not that there is anything wrong with that.

gblowfish
12-02-2008, 08:28 AM
I'll stick with "The Social Sirloin".