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Rain Man
08-02-2006, 05:42 PM
I often see or hear people saying or doing things that I find intriguing, but it's not quite worth making a thread about. I figure that other people might have the same experiences. Therefore, I hope that this thread can become a clearinghouse for those little observations that might not otherwise make the cut.

My first two would be:

1. I went to the optometrist today to get my eyes checked. In the waiting room, a family came in and sat next to me: a mother, a girl of about 13 or 14, and two young boys. The mother is talking on the phone and scolding the boys who are out of control, and then the teenage girl came over to her mother. She's got both hands up near her face, and asks the mother, "What is this?" My initial thinking was that it was something in her eye since we were, after all, in an optometrist's office. Then the girl says, "I thought it was a pimple, but I'm trying to pop it and nothing's coming out."

Where is your shame, young girl? Where is your shame?


2. I came back to the office, and got a cell phone call while I was in my lobby. I was standing there taking the call when this skanky, meth-looking woman in a tank top came in. She got in the elevator and departed toward the heavens. The thing that was most noticeable about her, other than the skanky part, was that she was wearing no supportive garments above the waist, and she badly, badly needed to be wearing them. (Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.) I finished my call and rode the elevator up myself, and when I got off on my floor, the woman was in the front lobby of the other company on my floor filling out a job application. I really think that a skanky-looking person with bosoms befitting a National Geographic photo should consider wearing a bra or something whilst going in to apply for a job.

Please feel free to post your own minor observations here in the future.

StcChief
08-02-2006, 05:46 PM
1) Cell phone is the debil for women. Get off the phone and be a parent..

2) How do you go apply for job looking like that.
Unless you are just fullfilling the Unemployment agreement 'Trying to get a job'

big nasty kcnut
08-02-2006, 05:52 PM
Ihate woman who don't shave thier underarm and then i have to see them while working that gross.

milkman
08-02-2006, 05:52 PM
2) How do you go apply for job looking like that.
Unless you are just fullfilling the Unemployment agreement 'Trying to get a job'

Maybe she needs a job so she can afford to buy support.
Did ya even think of that, huh?

Jilly
08-02-2006, 05:54 PM
I"m not sure if this qualifies, but today one of the kids said, "I'm allergic to spider bites. They make my ears dry." We weren't even talking about spiders

Donger
08-02-2006, 05:56 PM
I have reached the undeniable conclusion that driving in Texas is considered by locals to be a full-contact sport with very few rules.

And the use of turn signals is anathema.

58-4ever
08-02-2006, 05:56 PM
I"m not sure if this qualifies, but today one of the kids said, "I'm allergic to spider bites. They make my ears dry." We weren't even talking about spiders

I knew that antifreeze I put out for the kids in the neighborhood wasn't enough! :banghead:

58-4ever
08-02-2006, 05:57 PM
I have reached the undeniable conclusion that driving in Texas is considered by locals to be a full-contact sport with very few rules.

And the use of turn signals is anathema.

I second this motion.

mlyonsd
08-02-2006, 06:00 PM
It doesn't matter what the speed limit in a construction zone is, every blue hair driving thru said construction zone will drive at least 5-10mph below the posted speed limit.

Rain Man
08-02-2006, 06:06 PM
I"m not sure if this qualifies, but today one of the kids said, "I'm allergic to spider bites. They make my ears dry." We weren't even talking about spiders

That'll work. Perhaps spider bites are responsible for more dry ears than we know.


Here's another one. There's this guy who has one of those little portable hot dog stands about half a block from my office. I'm sure that he's a nice guy and all, but I don't see myself buying a hot dog from a warming tray sitting out in the sun all day. I've walked by this guy every day for about three years now, and I feel like he's watching me and waiting, waiting for that day that I'm going to stop and buy one of his hot dogs, and I feel bad knowing that it'll never happen. His eyes follow me as I walk past him, and he never says anything, never complains, never smiles, never moves, but those eyes watch me as I approach and I can feel them searing into my back as I leave.

mlyonsd
08-02-2006, 06:14 PM
but those eyes watch me as I approach and I can feel them searing into my back as I leave.

Yes they do. And believe me when I say I have a jagged one pound piece of concrete hiding in my stand I'm going to chuck at the back of your head the first time no one else is around.

:cuss:

Donger
08-02-2006, 06:19 PM
That'll work. Perhaps spider bites are responsible for more dry ears than we know.


Here's another one. There's this guy who has one of those little portable hot dog stands about half a block from my office. I'm sure that he's a nice guy and all, but I don't see myself buying a hot dog from a warming tray sitting out in the sun all day. I've walked by this guy every day for about three years now, and I feel like he's watching me and waiting, waiting for that day that I'm going to stop and buy one of his hot dogs, and I feel bad knowing that it'll never happen. His eyes follow me as I walk past him, and he never says anything, never complains, never smiles, never moves, but those eyes watch me as I approach and I can feel them searing into my back as I leave.

When did they start allowing scatily-dressed, young women to cook hot dogs and such from trailers in front of Home Depots? That's not fair.

Hardware store + bratwurst + cooked/served by scantily-clad young females = guaranteed sales to men.

big nasty kcnut
08-02-2006, 06:33 PM
Ok here another one the hindu people who yell at you not meat even when i told the cook that and they can see the food being prepared. All while screaming at me.

Donger
08-02-2006, 06:34 PM
Ok here another one the hindu people who yell at you not meat even when i told the cook that and they can see the food being prepared. All while screaming at me.

Huh?

big nasty kcnut
08-02-2006, 06:51 PM
Well i get these hindu customer and they alway tell me no meat and i tell my cook no meat on there food but they alway yell at me when they order. Like hey ok but don't yell at me ok.

cdcox
08-02-2006, 06:59 PM
NO MEAT!

Rain Man
08-02-2006, 07:09 PM
They're only yelling because if you put meat on it they'll go to hell or something. They really can't emphasize that point enough.

Bob Dole
08-02-2006, 07:17 PM
I have reached the undeniable conclusion that driving in Texas is considered by locals to be a full-contact sport with very few rules.

And the use of turn signals is anathema.

And a red light doesn't really mean "stop" until it's been lit for at least 5 seconds.

Baconeater
08-02-2006, 07:46 PM
Spandex is a privilege, not a right!

ChiefButthurt
08-02-2006, 07:56 PM
The thing that was most noticeable about her, other than the skanky part, was that she was wearing no supportive garments above the waist, and she badly, badly needed to be wearing them. (Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.)

I also describe them looking like "a golf ball in a tube sock".

patteeu
08-02-2006, 08:28 PM
Huh?

I think about kcnut to be my favorite poster. ROFL

Rain Man
08-06-2006, 03:59 PM
A couple more minor peoplewatching observations.


1. When I was driving into work today, I saw a guy on a bike with an unusual haircut. He had kind of bushy hair on the sides, but looked to be bald on the top. He had then shaved the back of his head at the same width of the bald spot, in essence leaving a bushy puffball of hair in either side of his head, with nothing in the middle. It looked rather like he had cocker spaniel ears instead of hair.

2. I had lunch today at a middle eastern restaurant, and our waiter had some combination of a middle eastern accent, a Bronx accent, and some kind of minor speech impediment. It was one of the more interesting and grating accents I've heard in a while.

VonneMarie
08-06-2006, 04:11 PM
I was getting my regular pedicure yesterday and this women who was sitting in the chair next to me was gettine her feet done, and all you could see was big pieces of skin and nails floating around in the water and around on the floor.

Yeah, it was gross. :Lin:

That's all.

big nasty kcnut
08-06-2006, 04:24 PM
Ok what about when a bum come to your work fat ugly and smelly and then have the nerve to give me crap cause you ask if he need anything.

blueballs
08-06-2006, 04:48 PM
there is a rapper named 50 cent
if he is half buck is the other half doe

Zebedee DuBois
08-06-2006, 05:03 PM
OKay, for some reason a faulty synapse in my brain has been emitting band names into my consciousness lately. I don't know why - I don't have a band. I am not thinking about forming a band. But these names keep popping into my head. Four of Five Doctors.

The animal kingdom has been pretty well picked over since the sixties, what with the Beatles, the Birds, The Eagles, the Monkees, and of course the Animals. MilkMilkLemonade

For every Poison or Anthrax, there is the Cure. With the number of garage or basement bands or wannabe bands, you might think all conceivable names have already been taken. Part of the Problem

What makes a good band name, anyway? It has to be reasonably short, yet something rememberable. City or state names (ie Chicago or Kansas) might get some popularity from their respective regions, but any other band using a municiple name is just being a copycat. Young kids in bands want something edgy, just a little dangerous, yet acceptable enough to be able to tell their mothers the name of the band they are in. Itinerate Stalwarts

I hope I get over this phase.

Chiefs Minor Satellite
08-06-2006, 05:39 PM
When I was driving into work today, I saw a guy on a bike with an unusual haircut. He had kind of bushy hair on the sides, but looked to be bald on the top. He had then shaved the back of his head at the same width of the bald spot, in essence leaving a bushy puffball of hair in either side of his head, with nothing in the middle. It looked rather like he had cocker spaniel ears instead of hair.


Sounds almost like a Larry Fine wannabe.

morphius
08-06-2006, 05:56 PM
Sounds almost like a Larry Fine wannabe.
Or Bozo the Clown.

Adept Havelock
08-06-2006, 06:02 PM
OKay, for some reason a faulty synapse in my brain has been emitting band names into my consciousness lately. I don't know why - I don't have a band. I am not thinking about forming a band. But these names keep popping into my head. Four of Five Doctors.

The animal kingdom has been pretty well picked over since the sixties, what with the Beatles, the Birds, The Eagles, the Monkees, and of course the Animals. MilkMilkLemonade

For every Poison or Anthrax, there is the Cure. With the number of garage or basement bands or wannabe bands, you might think all conceivable names have already been taken. Part of the Problem

What makes a good band name, anyway? It has to be reasonably short, yet something rememberable. City or state names (ie Chicago or Kansas) might get some popularity from their respective regions, but any other band using a municiple name is just being a copycat. Young kids in bands want something edgy, just a little dangerous, yet acceptable enough to be able to tell their mothers the name of the band they are in. Itinerate Stalwarts

I hope I get over this phase.


May I suggest my favorite band name from Jello Biafra's rant about them: Video Sex Pope.

Chiefs Minor Satellite
08-06-2006, 06:27 PM
Or Bozo the Clown.

I didn't know Bozo had a reverse mohawk.

Rain Man
08-08-2006, 10:22 PM
I went to a party tonight, and this woman started talking to me, and she was such a close talker that I think I may have gotten her pregnant.

It was weird. She was right up in my face, closer than two people ever get unless they're dating. I kept backing up, and she would keep moving forward. I swear that her face was less than a foot from mine. It was weird.

luv
08-08-2006, 10:47 PM
I went to Firefall this past July. About 60,000 people there to watch. It can definitely be interesting.

munkey
08-08-2006, 10:52 PM
Heh...

I went to Wendy's for lunch and a skank comes in and gets in line behind my wife and I. I see the boyfriend pull around to the other side of the building and notice another scary looking couple in the back seat looking in at her. We placed our order then sat and watched her....She places and order and asks for an application. Of coarse its really busy but this skank insists on seeing the manager (No. 1 no no in my book) who is completely slammed. The skank gets her food and takes it out to the car and returns for her interview....The manager comes out frustrated and calmly explains to the girl he has no time fo an interview and will call her later so she leaves visibly upset....I'm thinking...thats a nice first impression when all the sudden the boyfriend comes in and throws a complete fit and demands his money back for the food she bought since the order was "wrong". After thats resolved he looks at the manager and tells him what a jackass he is not hiring his wife....WOW

cdcox
08-08-2006, 10:52 PM
I took my daughter to HS today to pick up her schedule and get her yearbook picture taken. I saw a teenage boy there that was wearing baby blue socks with sandles; navy blue polyester shorts with a verticle red-white-and-blue stripe and a pocket on the thigh; and a baby-blue golf shirt. The poor kid was emitting nerd rays.

Iowanian
08-20-2006, 10:39 PM
This is particularly relevant given the previous post by cd.

So...I don't know if I can do this moment justice, but allow me a moment of preface.

I was fishing today in a lake, known for large bass near a nuke plant. There happend to be a Triathalon there, and the swimming began when I arrived, people everywhere...pain in the arse. We fish for hours, with no luck, along with every other fisherman in the lake.....around 2:30...the fun is starting to take its toll(as is the sunburn).

Enter stage left.

We're fishing from my boat, near an out of the way ramp and rock jettie, when I notice a girl with 2 horses and a dog in a bandana, standing on the jettie, having photos taken. I make mention to my cohorts and estimate it is her senior photos.

Soon, the approach the ramp in the small area we are fishing, and it is announced(by mother and daughter...father, boyfriend, and horses in trail) that they are taking her senoir photos...and that she's about to take some in the water.(Basically, Get out of the way with your boat, silly fisherman, thy are ruining the impending photo of Rodeo Princess Polly.

She sits down, removes boots and puts on expensive cowboy lid and reminds us she's about to take a pic on her horse....to which I reply and I quote "I'm not surprised, as I can see by your hat, that you are a cow..boy".

Immediately, father enters from stage left, daughter mounts bareback on horse...dad begins to lead horse down ramp...I reach for digital camera, hoping for vid mode but fail to act quickly enough.

As dad and horse with daughter bareback in tow reach water line....Horse goes Berzerker! Girl bounces from back haunches, into air and back to rebound buck of horse and is LAUNCHED several feet into the air and then into the water(neatly groomed hair, clean cloths, shiny buckle, new expensive stetson lid, ass over teakettle. Horse, still going berzerk leaps deeper into water. As soon as I realize the girl is unharmed, I snap action photo to be attached.

Hillarity at her expense ensued. In a moment strait out of dane cook comedy with nothing missing but an icecream cone to smash on her face....Iowanian made sure it was a moment she'd never forget.

ENDelt260
08-20-2006, 10:46 PM
I'm really disappointed there's no video.

Rain Man
08-20-2006, 11:19 PM
I saw a really bad crossdresser in the grocery store today. I was walking up to the deli counter, and I see this person facing away from me, wearing a skirt and blouse and women's sandals. My first thought was wonderment at seeing a woman who was 6 foot 5. My second thought was that she sure had manly legs.

Sure enough, the guy turns around and it's not only a guy, but it's a guy with a very deep voice. He had grown his hair past his shoulders and had fingernail polish and toenail polish, but no fake mammaries. It was just a guy in a women's skirt.

He was with a women, and she looked like she might be his mother, though it's possible that she was a girlfriend. It was really hard to figure out this guy's age. He was talking to her and then went over and gave her a big hug right there at the deli counter. I wondered if she found it embarrassing.

Iowanian
08-20-2006, 11:23 PM
My disappointment was only drowned out by the 98 decibles of laughter in my boat. Just close your eyes and imagine. It'll get you there.

I'm really disappointed there's no video.

The only potential 'non-funny' was when the horse could have kicked her in the brainpan, or jumped on her and stamped her into the mud in 4' of water....after that....Raw comedy.

cdcox
09-01-2006, 08:28 AM
I guess this fits here in that it probably doesn't deserve a thread of its own.

On the way to work this morning, a cop enters the interstate directly behind me. This is through a construction zone where the posted speed is 45 mph. So I pull onto the interstate in moderately heavy traffic and toe the line for the 10 seconds it takes the cop to enter and pass me. I then enter the middle lane and drive about 10 - 15 mph over the speed limit, which is the consensus speed limit for that lane. I can see the cop ahead and he is in the fast lane at the end of a line of cars going at least 65 in a 45 with construction workers on the job site. A s soon as the driver at the end of the conga line notices the cop behind him, he pulls over to the middle lane and the cop moves up a slot in the line. Rinse and repeat. I soon lose track of the cop because I'm content to go 55-60. Meanwhile, I'm still getting passed every few seconds by cars in the fast lane. About 6 miles up the road I finally catch up to the cop. He's got someone pulled over and is already out of the car talking to the motorist. I was just wondering what this person must have been doing to get singled out from a heard of probably 100 motorists all blatently ingoring the posted construction speed limit.

Rain Man
09-01-2006, 06:44 PM
I was in a meeting today with two women who, to the best of my recollection, interrupted over 75 percent of the sentences begun by the rest of the people in the meeting. One of the people finally told them to stop and let other people finish their sentences. It wasn't an effective admonishment, though.

Baby Lee
09-01-2006, 07:07 PM
There's been this guy walking around our building. He's a doughy white guy wearing black fatigue pants, a black shirt with epilets and a black beret.
Ours is a small, one level suburban office building in a commercial area. Anyway, we'll be working away and this figure all in black will walk by our window. Huh!! [the only thing in front and behind our building are our parking lots, and the only thing outside our windows is a small strip of grass [1-15 yards] between us and the restuarant next to us]

Half hour later, he walks in our lobby, looks around, walks back out.

Week later, come back from lunch, and he's sitting in his car, a mid-80s Ciera [again, black. But rusty and dilapidated]. Oh, and did I mention about 20 doll and Barbie heads on his dash? Or the fringe across the top of his front windshield/headliner?
Weeks later, he walks in front of my car at the drive through, halfway across town, passing from Taco Bell to Arbys and further points unknown.
Every time, it's the same euro-doughboy black bereted ensemble.
So evidently E-ville has a new wandering eccentric.

DaneMcCloud
09-01-2006, 07:11 PM
I'm currently in Cabo San Lucas in a Ballroom filled with at least 1,000 strangers. We're stuck here because of Hurricane John, which is due to hit in the next couple of hours. Since I'll be sleeping with 1,000 people that I don't know tonight, I'm sure I'll have some observations to report.

The one thing that surprises me is that hotel staff and kitchen are have been incredibly efficient and gracious in a time where people could be in a panic. I'll post more info if anything crazy happens.

Skip Towne
09-01-2006, 07:39 PM
I didn't see anything unusual today.

Rain Man
09-01-2006, 08:26 PM
There's been this guy walking around our building. He's a doughy white guy wearing black fatigue pants, a black shirt with epilets and a black beret.


Maybe it's Death, and you're slated to die in a very eccentric manner, but he can't find your office.

Rain Man
09-01-2006, 08:28 PM
I'm currently in Cabo San Lucas in a Ballroom filled with at least 1,000 strangers. We're stuck here because of Hurricane John, which is due to hit in the next couple of hours. Since I'll be sleeping with 1,000 people that I don't know tonight, I'm sure I'll have some observations to report.


You'll have to update us. I agree - you're bound to get some great peoplewatching out of this.

DaneMcCloud
09-01-2006, 10:26 PM
Well fortunately, I have nothing to report. Hurricane John missed Cabo San Lucas and after 13 hours sequestered in the main ballroom, we were released to the comfort of our rooms.

The staff was incredible and because of that, everyone put together a tip jar and raised over $2500 for the staff. They did a tremendous job and it was actually a really fun day.

Moooo
09-01-2006, 10:36 PM
I was at the movie store the other day and there was this tiny girl in front of me with one of the smallest voices I've ever heard. She's talking to the girl at the video counter about one of the movies she's getting, Toy Story. They were talking about how they liked it and everything, all in this voice, suited to come out of a 12 year old. Getting curious, I decided to see what the other movie she was renting was.

It was a porn called, "Bang My Black P*ssy 2." Needless to say, the whole situation kinda took me by surprise.

Moooo

Thig Lyfe
09-01-2006, 10:42 PM
I was at the movie store the other day and there was this tiny girl in front of me with one of the smallest voices I've ever heard. She's talking to the girl at the video counter about one of the movies she's getting, Toy Story. They were talking about how they liked it and everything, all in this voice, suited to come out of a 12 year old. Getting curious, I decided to see what the other movie she was renting was.

It was a porn called, "Bang My Black P*ssy 2." Needless to say, the whole situation kinda took me by surprise.

Moooo

Are you sure the first movie wasn't something like "Boy Toy Story"?

Rain Man
09-12-2006, 10:23 PM
Well fortunately, I have nothing to report. Hurricane John missed Cabo San Lucas and after 13 hours sequestered in the main ballroom, we were released to the comfort of our rooms.

The staff was incredible and because of that, everyone put together a tip jar and raised over $2500 for the staff. They did a tremendous job and it was actually a really fun day.

I was hoping for more stories of desperation and murder and fighting over the last drink of water from the canteen.

Rain Man
09-12-2006, 10:32 PM
I just took a little trip to Georgia, and I have a few peoplewatching things to report.


1. I was waiting at my gate, and there was a couple there that I think was Japanese. The guy had a banana. Instead of peeling from the top where the stem is, he peeled it from the bottom. That fascinated me. Do Japanese people peel their bananas from the bottom, or was this some kind of one-time anomaly?

2. I got home and got my car from the parking lot, and had to stop at one of those little booths to pay the parking fee. They parking guy's name tag was "Yasir A." That gives you a good feeling about airport security.

3. Speaking of homeland security, I had to fly three hours on a plane with a guy sitting directly behind me who was wearing a Romanowski jersey. I kept hoping an air marshall would shoot him.

4. I was in the security line at the airport, and I had my shoes and laptop and stuff in those little tubs that I was pushing along the x-ray conveyor. The guy behind me wasn't paying attention and pushed his own little tub into my hand. I ignored it and kept moving. Ten seconds later, he did it again. Once is an accident, twice is inexcusable. If I didn't have to catch a plane, I probably would've killed him with piano wire.

Calcountry
09-12-2006, 10:36 PM
I went to a party tonight, and this woman started talking to me, and she was such a close talker that I think I may have gotten her pregnant.

It was weird. She was right up in my face, closer than two people ever get unless they're dating. I kept backing up, and she would keep moving forward. I swear that her face was less than a foot from mine. It was weird.This in response to your sig.

With regards to Geathers

Best Senator Palpatine voice on/ I will be watching your career with great interest I'm sure.

Iowanian
09-13-2006, 12:12 PM
Little People watching.

No, not a midget this time.

I was loading wood that had been cut and split in the spring onto wagons and trailers with a group of men from a religious affiliation of my choice, for a charity auction for the school last thursday.

About 20 men and a couple of kids in a field, loading wood into trailers and wagons and a blistering pace...mostly farmers and construction workers, and they were working their asses off.

ffw.
Anyway, there was a boy of about 5 years in age, the son of one "helping". The wood piles produced mass amounts of Spiders(wolf spiders, brown recluse, and the big black-yellow garden spiders) in numbers unmatched in years. Snakes were revealed among other creatures.

Anyway, the kid is squatting down, looking at some ants on a large piece of bark and asked "hey, are these meat-eating ants"

At this time, I look up and reply "they only eat meat if its no taller than (hold hand out 6" taller than he is).....he kind of laughs in a concerned way as in the "i'm not afraid of the boogieman" during a ghost story kind of way.

Just as he says this, someone moves a log and out jumps a huge field mouse, that runs 5' to the squatting boy watching people-eating ants...and it runs UP his leg, on top of his head, around his head, over his face, and around his neck and shoulders twice before I get it slapped off of his back.

He was speachless with the EEeebyJeebies for a minute, and I may have detected the slightest hint that he heard the Brown Noise.

He spent the remainder of the hour, telling the other kids his version of the attack of the Man-eating Rat.

High Larry Ass.

ChiefsFan4Life
09-13-2006, 01:28 PM
I was taking a piss at the urinal in the bathroom when this guy walks in, doesn't even break stride, talking on his cell phone,opens a stall door, sits, and goes to town #2 all while still talking on his cell???

HC_Chief
09-13-2006, 02:01 PM
Little People watching.

No, not a midget this time.

I was loading wood that had been cut and split in the spring onto wagons and trailers with a group of men from a religious affiliation of my choice, for a charity auction for the school last thursday.

About 20 men and a couple of kids in a field, loading wood into trailers and wagons and a blistering pace...mostly farmers and construction workers, and they were working their asses off.

ffw.
Anyway, there was a boy of about 5 years in age, the son of one "helping". The wood piles produced mass amounts of Spiders(wolf spiders, brown recluse, and the big black-yellow garden spiders) in numbers unmatched in years. Snakes were revealed among other creatures.

Anyway, the kid is squatting down, looking at some ants on a large piece of bark and asked "hey, are these meat-eating ants"

At this time, I look up and reply "they only eat meat if its no taller than (hold hand out 6" taller than he is).....he kind of laughs in a concerned way as in the "i'm not afraid of the boogieman" during a ghost story kind of way.

Just as he says this, someone moves a log and out jumps a huge field mouse, that runs 5' to the squatting boy watching people-eating ants...and it runs UP his leg, on top of his head, around his head, over his face, and around his neck and shoulders twice before I get it slapped off of his back.

He was speachless with the EEeebyJeebies for a minute, and I may have detected the slightest hint that he heard the Brown Noise.

He spent the remainder of the hour, telling the other kids his version of the attack of the Man-eating Rat.

High Larry Ass.

ROFL

Rain Man
10-13-2006, 08:57 PM
I walked to the grocery store today to get more cups for our temporary kitchen situation. Between my house and the store, there's a school, and a couple of kids and their mother/big sister/babysitter were on the swings.

One of the kids, a boy of about 7 or 8, was talking to the woman, and he was saying something about doing a backflip off the swing. I was thinking, "Yeah, yeah, put your money where your mouth is."

So the kid is swinging and he's picking up good speed, and when he got to the top of the arc, he let go of the chains, kicked his feet up over his head, and did a backflip backwards out of the swing. He didn't stick the landing and ended up on his knees, but I was nonetheless quite impressed.

Easy 6
10-13-2006, 09:00 PM
He's lucky he didnt end up in the Stephen Hawking wing of the local hospital :shake:

Rain Man
10-13-2006, 09:02 PM
Yeah. I'd think you could hurt yourself pretty bad if you landed wrong. I was surprised that the woman had no reaction to it. She just watched it like I did, which makes me think she wasn't his mom.

Easy 6
10-13-2006, 09:06 PM
Yeah. I'd think you could hurt yourself pretty bad if you landed wrong. I was surprised that the woman had no reaction to it. She just watched it like I did, which makes me think she wasn't his mom.
When my kids were smaller i was ALWAYS on them about having a "survival instinct" on the playground, his sitter if thats the case, should be cane lashed.

Dark Horse
10-13-2006, 09:40 PM
I was standing in line at a comedy club waiting to get in and I feel this woman behind me brush my ass with her hand. I didn't think anything of it after all we were standing in a crowded line. Then she did it again and I'm thinking she is either trying to cop a feel or really careless. It happened a third and fourth time and I'm thinking I have to see what she looks like cause she's standing their feeling my ass. I turned around and she is smoking hot, thats when I realized she has got to be the most careless person on Earth.

Easy 6
10-13-2006, 09:43 PM
:LOL:

ENDelt260
10-13-2006, 09:50 PM
I bet she stole your wallet.

Dark Horse
10-13-2006, 09:54 PM
I bet she stole your wallet.

No Just my pride

ENDelt260
10-13-2006, 09:56 PM
I pissed away all my pride and self-respect years ago. It's very liberating.

SPchief
10-13-2006, 11:48 PM
I pissed away all my pride and self-respect years ago. It's very liberating.


Well that was a given.

Baby Lee
10-14-2006, 10:49 AM
Was eating at the local chinese buffet [across from the county courthouse], when in walks the mulletin'-est, flannellest pair of bull dykes and their carney-folk entourage. Couldn't tell if the 'men-folk' were family or the swinging meat. Anyways, the older gal mutters "sit down and eat quick, we gots to get to court."

That's just preamble. The funny is when the younger BD voices her 'complaint' to the harried busboy.

Turns out that one of the offerings on the buffet is a concoction called [with little stars on the name plate] King Lobster Claw. It's some imitation crab meat, breaded and deep fried, with a little crab claw sticking out the side to suggest authenticity.

YBD must not've paid attention to the star-adorned sign, because she looms over this poor chinaman, and exclaims "Mah chickens gots bones in it. Ahh think ah chipped mah toof."

Cue me [the only of our group to have caught the exchange] with the spit take, and subsequently, desperately, trying to pretend my guffaws were a result of something other than YBD's remarks, lest the cross-eyed, banjo pickin' entourage get wise and tune me up in the parking lot.

Rain Man
10-14-2006, 11:03 AM
I'm glad that I very seldom have to deal with the general public.

Iowanian
10-24-2006, 09:56 AM
So....last night, the wife is in the living room, watching "walk the line"..again on our new 32" hd flatscreen. I'm in the man room, watching MNF when the phone rings. A relative of hers is in our town with an elderly friend and there are no rooms available for 30 miles. I drive to their location, lead them to Casa de Iowanian.

These are older gentlemen, who work with draft horses and the like....On the way in, they mention that they always like to have a whiskey drink before bed on this trip...and I have no problem with that. They bring out a 1/5 of CMist, I get out glasses, and happen to have the Pepsi and Sprite they seek. I proceed to work on the beer I had for the game, and we sit in the kitchen talking for about 45 minutes. Its approaching 11:15, and we've all got to be up around 6.....I realize that in 45 minutes, 2/3s of that bottle of Whiskey were gone. These fellows mix their drinks STOUT.

Anyway....now to the fun part. They don't want to bother us or wake the sleeping child by using the upstairs extra bedroom, and ask for the sofas..1 in the man room, 1 in the living room.....fine, whatever. So we head to the main part of the house to show them where they'll be staying, with brideowanian leading the way and as she enters the living room, she goes into some Serious Kung-Fu-Slow Motion-Morpheus moves, diving for the remote.......It turns out, "walk the line" was over, and HBO had scheduled some pretty graphic sex show....and there, in 32", HD glory, is a nude, spread woman plunging herself with an Huge object that I can only surmise is illegal in at least half of the 50 states. We're talking Visible cervix if not blocked by the tonka dumptruck or whatever that thing was.....

I'm pretty sure she had the "recall" button hit before they rounded the corner....She's still horrified today, afraid they saw or heard the moans....I can't stop giggling.

Iowanian was known to have been watching football in the other room.....The basket of half folded laundry, was in front of the HBOpRon.

Count Alex's Losses
10-24-2006, 10:54 AM
Bah. HBO is tame compared to Skinemax.

Easy 6
10-24-2006, 11:00 AM
So....last night, the wife is in the living room, watching "walk the line"..again on our new 32" hd flatscreen. I'm in the man room, watching MNF when the phone rings. A relative of hers is in our town with an elderly friend and there are no rooms available for 30 miles. I drive to their location, lead them to Casa de Iowanian.

These are older gentlemen, who work with draft horses and the like....On the way in, they mention that they always like to have a whiskey drink before bed on this trip...and I have no problem with that. They bring out a 1/5 of CMist, I get out glasses, and happen to have the Pepsi and Sprite they seek. I proceed to work on the beer I had for the game, and we sit in the kitchen talking for about 45 minutes. Its approaching 11:15, and we've all got to be up around 6.....I realize that in 45 minutes, 2/3s of that bottle of Whiskey were gone. These fellows mix their drinks STOUT.

Anyway....now to the fun part. They don't want to bother us or wake the sleeping child by using the upstairs extra bedroom, and ask for the sofas..1 in the man room, 1 in the living room.....fine, whatever. So we head to the main part of the house to show them where they'll be staying, with brideowanian leading the way and as she enters the living room, she goes into some Serious Kung-Fu-Slow Motion-Morpheus moves, diving for the remote.......It turns out, "walk the line" was over, and HBO had scheduled some pretty graphic sex show....and there, in 32", HD glory, is a nude, spread woman plunging herself with an Huge object that I can only surmise is illegal in at least half of the 50 states. We're talking Visible cervix if not blocked by the tonka dumptruck or whatever that thing was.....

I'm pretty sure she had the "recall" button hit before they rounded the corner....She's still horrified today, afraid they saw or heard the moans....I can't stop giggling.

Iowanian was known to have been watching football in the other room.....The basket of half folded laundry, was in front of the HBOpRon.
Hee-Hee, chicks are dirtier minded than men sometimes, they just pretend they arent. I'm guessing your night ended well :hmmm:

Iowanian
10-24-2006, 11:01 AM
True....

Have some guests in your home, follow you into a room that you were unaware the "Sex machine" episode of Real Seks 85 was broadcasting.

well...I'm sure you wouldn't be surpised it was on.....and it would probably be some bizarre fetish stuff.

Iowanian
10-24-2006, 11:01 AM
Hee-Hee, chicks are dirtier minded than men sometimes, they just pretend they arent. I'm guessing your night ended well :hmmm:

With a baby, 2 guests in the house? You're not married.

I'd say the same thing, but she does get a pass...I had walked in earlier, and it was in fact the Johnny Cash movie.

Rooster
10-24-2006, 11:40 AM
So....last night, the wife is in the living room, watching "walk the line"..again on our new 32" hd flatscreen. I'm in the man room, watching MNF when the phone rings. A relative of hers is in our town with an elderly friend and there are no rooms available for 30 miles. I drive to their location, lead them to Casa de Iowanian.

These are older gentlemen, who work with draft horses and the like....On the way in, they mention that they always like to have a whiskey drink before bed on this trip...and I have no problem with that. They bring out a 1/5 of CMist, I get out glasses, and happen to have the Pepsi and Sprite they seek. I proceed to work on the beer I had for the game, and we sit in the kitchen talking for about 45 minutes. Its approaching 11:15, and we've all got to be up around 6.....I realize that in 45 minutes, 2/3s of that bottle of Whiskey were gone. These fellows mix their drinks STOUT.

Anyway....now to the fun part. They don't want to bother us or wake the sleeping child by using the upstairs extra bedroom, and ask for the sofas..1 in the man room, 1 in the living room.....fine, whatever. So we head to the main part of the house to show them where they'll be staying, with brideowanian leading the way and as she enters the living room, she goes into some Serious Kung-Fu-Slow Motion-Morpheus moves, diving for the remote.......It turns out, "walk the line" was over, and HBO had scheduled some pretty graphic sex show....and there, in 32", HD glory, is a nude, spread woman plunging herself with an Huge object that I can only surmise is illegal in at least half of the 50 states. We're talking Visible cervix if not blocked by the tonka dumptruck or whatever that thing was.....

I'm pretty sure she had the "recall" button hit before they rounded the corner....She's still horrified today, afraid they saw or heard the moans....I can't stop giggling.

Iowanian was known to have been watching football in the other room.....The basket of half folded laundry, was in front of the HBOpRon.

OMG that is too funny.. ROFL My wife would have done a Matrix like move too. Great story. :)

Rain Man
11-10-2006, 03:33 PM
I have a couple of observations from this past week.

1. I saw two policemen go by on Segways the other day. How fast are those things anyway? Could they be used to chase someone down, or would the policemen have to jump off them and run if a perp started fleeing?

2. I saw a woman walking a bird the other day. It was getting dark and I was walking home, and there were two women standing on a corner waiting for the light to change. One of them was walking a bulldog, and the other one had her arm crooked out horizontally in front of her. There was a bird sitting on her forearm. It was about 8 or 10 inches tall and had a profile like a hawk or a falcon, and it made me wonder if she was some sort of urban falconer.

Stewie
11-10-2006, 04:23 PM
I'm sitting in Sky Harbor airport yesterday when a smallish man with one arm strolls by with a cart. Really! This isn't BS. Anyway, he walks over to a nearby trash container and struggles to get the lid off. I'm thinking, well, at least he's trying and has a job that pays him a wage. He's probably a pretty decent dude. (I have empathy for people who aren't at the top of the class, etc..) He procedes to take a couple of items at the bottom of the trash can with his hand (instead of removing the liner). He got them out and carried them to the cart. The big, nasty, trash-filled bag that he was going to put them in was folded down at the top. He put his head into the big, nasty trash bag to grab the top and opened it with his teeth! YIKES! I felt so bad not running over to help, but it was too late. He got it open and deposited the trash and went along to another trash can. I thought to myself, "Who is his supervisor and why is he doing this job?" Couldn't he run a vacuum cleaner or something?

Iowanian
12-20-2006, 12:11 PM
So there I was last night, alone in the electronics Isle, searching high and low for the right Home theater to bring home. Finding in myself the proper amount of time to wait for some assistance and yet wanting time to not be annoyed by a salesman, I struggled immediately with the prospects of shopping this time of year.

My inner thoughts on the Panasonic vs Yamaha systems was Shattered by a sound. It sounded like a wet weather balloon was untied and allowed to bounce around the Isle behind me.

PFfffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFRBBBBBRRRRRRRRRFffffffffffffffft

Followed by the muffled "ooooh no" of the guy who'd stepped into what he thought was a quiet, private spot and had obviously sharted.

He saw me, I saw him and with uncomfortable eye contact I said the the only thing that came to mind.

"Can I get Courtesy flush in Isle 3?"

Rain Man
12-22-2006, 01:33 AM
I was in an airport the other day and was trying to find something. A guy with an airline tag was standing around nearby, and even though he had a bit of that "I'm weird and stay away from me" look, I went over and asked him.

Sure enough, he was weird, and he prattled on a bit after giving me my directions. I smiled and nodded and kept edging away from him when I noticed it.

As he was talking, he kept edging closer to me, and he was missing a whole bunch of teeth on the bottom. He had a couple left, and with the angle at which he was facing me, I had a clear view of them. I swear that, even though they were in the front of his mouth, they were bicuspids.

RedDread
12-22-2006, 01:51 AM
So there I was last night, alone in the electronics Isle, searching high and low for the right Home theater to bring home. Finding in myself the proper amount of time to wait for some assistance and yet wanting time to not be annoyed by a salesman, I struggled immediately with the prospects of shopping this time of year.

My inner thoughts on the Panasonic vs Yamaha systems was Shattered by a sound. It sounded like a wet weather balloon was untied and allowed to bounce around the Isle behind me.

PFfffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFRBBBBBRRRRRRRRRFffffffffffffffft

Followed by the muffled "ooooh no" of the guy who'd stepped into what he thought was a quiet, private spot and had obviously sharted.

He saw me, I saw him and with uncomfortable eye contact I said the the only thing that came to mind.

"Can I get Courtesy flush in Isle 3?"

ohnoes!
ROFL

Rain Man
01-14-2007, 06:17 PM
The locker room in my health club has hair dryers in it. You walk right by them when you're going to the showers, and there's some tall older fellow who stands there naked and used the hair dryers to dry the ... (ahem) ... the goods, and other areas with deep crevices. You shouldn't be using the hair dryers for that. You just shouldn't.

Sully
01-14-2007, 06:34 PM
Just got back from my honeymoon on Hawaii.
While doing the Polynesian Cultural Center thing, which is basically a "tour" of the cultures of the Polynesian islands, our tour guide explained how the Fijians would sacrifice humans to the Gods.

Old guy in our group went ahead and asked if that was still a common practice.

guhhhhh.....

cdcox
02-12-2007, 12:09 PM
Two minor episodes involving the female of the species.

#1. There is a woman sitting in her mini-van listening to Billie Holliday type jazz. It must be pretty loud as she has her windows up and my window is not open, yet I can still hear it clearly. As far as I could tell, she wasn't smoking cigarettes or tossing back gin.

2. I stop at the same convenience store every morning for coffee. One of the clerks does not speak, instead she softly squeeks. I swear that the only intelligible words I've heard from her are 'thank you". A typical encounter:

Her: meee beeek peee (barely audible)

Me: Hi

Her: mity oorr eeent (sixty-four cents)

Me: (hand her the money)

Her: eeerty eeex (thirty six)

Me: Thank you.

Her: Thank you.

I think she might have a speech impediment, but she has honestly never spoken loudly enough for me to tell for sure.

Demonpenz
02-12-2007, 12:24 PM
I went to kmart on friday. A larger lady comes up to me and goes "hey we are having a raffle for free jewlrey" I am thinking whats the catch, but then I think hey it's kmart they probably should be bringing out rose peddles because I am in the store. I was looking for a splitter for my cable so i finished ruffled through a bunch of items in the eletronic section when people asked me if they could help me i said NO, probably in not a positive voice. So I go over after getting my shit and Listen to a 20 minute schpeal about jewlrey and take a survay. Then the lady says ok the jewlrey is free if you buy this other item. Everyone groans. She says what? It's a good deal. I said good deal, good deal would be free. So she says nothing is free, I said my time is expensive. Anyway I am walking out to the car and these kids from D.A.R.E. Want me to donate money, I asked them what is your program for. She said against drugs, alchohol and voilence and i replyed "Now why the **** would i give money to the 3 things I love the most" She laughed and she said well maybe you can buy a tshirt for a joke. So I pull out my wad of cash and I go yeah the meth business has been good. She pulls up a picture of all these kids and was like, would you sell meth to these kids and I said, already do? Why do you think they are so pumped up for recess. Anyway I was walking to car and a guy says "STOP" i figured it was going to be some pissed off parent that I said what I did to the 8th grader or whatever. It was a guy with no kmart shirt on or anything and he wants to see my reciept. I asked him why, I ain't giving you shit, I am on bannister road and you are stopping me halfway to my car. He threatens to call the police and I just threw the reciept at him and just grumble. Then I figured later you see a guy with a baggy ass clothes on going through a bunch of electronics then talking about meth to 8th graders chances are he was stealing something. The sad thing is i forgot to by another coaxil cord and I had to go back and the same fat lady asked if i wanted free jewlrey again.

J Diddy
02-12-2007, 12:30 PM
I went to kmart on friday. A larger lady comes up to me and goes "hey we are having a raffle for free jewlrey" I am thinking whats the catch, but then I think hey it's kmart they probably should be bringing out rose peddles because I am in the store. I was looking for a splitter for my cable so i finished ruffled through a bunch of items in the eletronic section when people asked me if they could help me i said NO, probably in not a positive voice. So I go over after getting my shit and Listen to a 20 minute schpeal about jewlrey and take a survay. Then the lady says ok the jewlrey is free if you buy this other item. Everyone groans. She says what? It's a good deal. I said good deal, good deal would be free. So she says nothing is free, I said my time is expensive. Anyway I am walking out to the car and these kids from D.A.R.E. Want me to donate money, I asked them what is your program for. She said against drugs, alchohol and voilence and i replyed "Now why the **** would i give money to the 3 things I love the most" She laughed and she said well maybe you can buy a tshirt for a joke. So I pull out my wad of cash and I go yeah the meth business has been good. She pulls up a picture of all these kids and was like, would you sell meth to these kids and I said, already do? Why do you think they are so pumped up for recess. Anyway I was walking to car and a guy says "STOP" i figured it was going to be some pissed off parent that I said what I did to the 8th grader or whatever. It was a guy with no kmart shirt on or anything and he wants to see my reciept. I asked him why, I ain't giving you shit, I am on bannister road and you are stopping me halfway to my car. He threatens to call the police and I just threw the reciept at him and just grumble. Then I figured later you see a guy with a baggy ass clothes on going through a bunch of electronics then talking about meth to 8th graders chances are he was stealing something. The sad thing is i forgot to by another coaxil cord and I had to go back and the same fat lady asked if i wanted free jewlrey again.

the stuff with the eight graders was great.........
that's real funny


:rolleyes:

Iowanian
02-12-2007, 12:32 PM
You should have gone home and put on your Greg brady "johnny Bravo" outfit and upon your return, done a live, accoustic "chiefsplanet" song.

This time though, I think you should have done a song to that clever Iowanian's poop thread Lyrics.

Rain Man
02-12-2007, 01:33 PM
I went to a charity art auction this weekend, and apparently a Chiefsplanet member was in charge of signage.

chagrin
02-12-2007, 01:54 PM
I just can't get over the Hispanics of America making fun of the Asians of america and still Racism in this country is most popularly defined as "white people being mean to black people"

KCChiefsMan
02-12-2007, 04:29 PM
I was at a stoplight near my house the other day and this dude in a jeep cheroke with a big dent in the rear starting squeeling his rear tires as he waits to take a right turn, he does it again. Then he proceeds to take the right but goes 4 lanes into oncoming traffic (4 lane road with a passing lane in the middle) and as he turns into dillons he does some doughnut and then does the same exact thing again out of dillons...taking a right...going 3 lanes too far into oncoming traffic.....it should be much more difficult to get a drivers license these days

Adept Havelock
02-12-2007, 04:34 PM
I went to kmart on friday. A larger lady comes up to me and goes "hey we are having a raffle for free jewlrey" I am thinking whats the catch, but then I think hey it's kmart they probably should be bringing out rose peddles because I am in the store. I was looking for a splitter for my cable so i finished ruffled through a bunch of items in the eletronic section when people asked me if they could help me i said NO, probably in not a positive voice. So I go over after getting my shit and Listen to a 20 minute schpeal about jewlrey and take a survay. Then the lady says ok the jewlrey is free if you buy this other item. Everyone groans. She says what? It's a good deal. I said good deal, good deal would be free. So she says nothing is free, I said my time is expensive. Anyway I am walking out to the car and these kids from D.A.R.E. Want me to donate money, I asked them what is your program for. She said against drugs, alchohol and voilence and i replyed "Now why the **** would i give money to the 3 things I love the most" She laughed and she said well maybe you can buy a tshirt for a joke. So I pull out my wad of cash and I go yeah the meth business has been good. She pulls up a picture of all these kids and was like, would you sell meth to these kids and I said, already do? Why do you think they are so pumped up for recess. Anyway I was walking to car and a guy says "STOP" i figured it was going to be some pissed off parent that I said what I did to the 8th grader or whatever. It was a guy with no kmart shirt on or anything and he wants to see my reciept. I asked him why, I ain't giving you shit, I am on bannister road and you are stopping me halfway to my car. He threatens to call the police and I just threw the reciept at him and just grumble. Then I figured later you see a guy with a baggy ass clothes on going through a bunch of electronics then talking about meth to 8th graders chances are he was stealing something. The sad thing is i forgot to by another coaxil cord and I had to go back and the same fat lady asked if i wanted free jewlrey again.


Are you saying there's a store in that area that still hasn't closed?

C-Mac
02-12-2007, 07:52 PM
Two minor episodes involving the female of the species.

#1. There is a woman sitting in her mini-van listening to Billie Holliday type jazz. It must be pretty loud as she has her windows up and my window is not open, yet I can still hear it clearly. As far as I could tell, she wasn't smoking cigarettes or tossing back gin.

2. I stop at the same convenience store every morning for coffee. One of the clerks does not speak, instead she softly squeeks. I swear that the only intelligible words I've heard from her are 'thank you". A typical encounter:

Her: meee beeek peee (barely audible)

Me: Hi

Her: mity oorr eeent (sixty-four cents)

Me: (hand her the money)

Her: eeerty eeex (thirty six)

Me: Thank you.

Her: Thank you.

I think she might have a speech impediment, but she has honestly never spoken loudly enough for me to tell for sure.

Perhaps she's deaf.

Rain Man
02-27-2007, 09:26 PM
Perhaps she's deaf.

Or a rat.

Rain Man
02-27-2007, 09:31 PM
I was in the grocery store this weekend, and there was a couple in there that was really, really studying the canned tuna. They were standing there, and the woman had her hands on her hips and the guy was in the thinker pose, and they were really studying the tuna. Every once in a while, one of them would reach forward and pick up a can and study it, and then put it back. I wanted some tuna myself, and honored my initial policy of not reaching in front of them, but I stood there watching them and watching them and watching them and they couldn't make a decision, so finally I reached around them and grabbed a can of Bumblebee.

On an entirely unrelated note, my dental hygienist today was a bombshell. At one point, she told me to turn toward her and open my mouth, and I thought, "What do you think I've been doing for the last 20 minutes?"

Mr. Plow
02-28-2007, 12:00 PM
Each day at work, as I leave to go get lunch or run an errand, I drive by this woman on a bike. She rides up and down the street in front of my office. Each day, I think, "man, she is an odd looking lady." Dressed in a white tank top thing, leather mini skirt, fish net stockings, pitch black hair down past her shoulders with high heels. Now, I've never done it myself, but it can't be easy to ride a bike that way. As I get closer, I realize that this ugly woman is actually an uglier man dressed as an ugly woman.

Shortly after I pass the ugly man dressed as an ugly woman on a bike, I get the joy of seeing the old man on roller skates. What's funny about the old man on roller skates is that I've seen him doing this for 4 years, so he's been skating for awhile. But he looks like he can barely skate. Imagine putting a dog on skates and watching it trying to keep it's balance.

Iowanian
05-18-2007, 10:03 AM
Last night the Trailer park Circus came to visit.

There I am, preparing for bed in my nice, family friendly neighborhood a little after 11pm when I hear verbal altercations and words that routinely end with violence. I knew violence was intended because some of the words were things like "I'll eff you up" "me an mah sistah gonna kiw you, ho".

This peaked my attenion as the rental property accross the street and 1 house north often does. Some standing in the street, some in the yard on our side of the road, some in their yard......

One gal, with a baby wearing only a diaper(see temp, 45degF) on her hip, shouting at another about "doin' coke in front mah babaah" and all kinds of fun stuff, people like to hear in the streets of their neighborhood, which consists of elderly and young families with babies.

The cops roll up, and My jaw drops at the stupidity unleashed by this throng of dumb****ary swirling around this merri-go-round of dumbass.

quotes: "I's takes care uh mines kids"(I've used that as a joke before, but I heard the exact quote)...though by the time the cop arrives, the Baby(6-9months) had been tossed into the back of a car with the door open, so mama and mama sista can go "whip that ass"......and to the cop says "You know me, you know I whipped her ass at the walmart parking lot". "I hang out at the skate park every day watching basketball"...

I see 2 of the renters standing near the car with the open doors and the child, to their credit, caring for the child that the cops obviously are oblivous to......

Then Kidowanian cries.............an already building anger becomes a sweating, pulsing, veins pumping visibly in the neck and forehead Rage.

In what must have been an out of body experience, I find myself heading out the door barefoot, across the street in the direction of the renters(the same ones I'd talked to a month ago about too loud of music at midnight and woke up the kid...politely I might add.....and then were busted the following weekend for 15 year old drinking party).

I hear myself saying "So....can we look forward to this Jerry Springer Bullshit all summer, or will it be moving back to the trailer park".....You woke up my effing kid again and I'm not happy".....

At this point the cops and dumbasses in the street 20' away become quiet enough to hear ones self think for the first time in half an hour.....

so I turn and in a manner I wish I could quote, indicated that if said loudmouth put half the effort into getting a job that she did "hanging out at the skate park" and "whippin dat girl ass", she'd be effing civilized enough to have had her own effing baby at home in bed on a thursday, instead of sitting unattended in a car, in the cold with a diaper while she fought with a crackhead in the street".

"we're sorry" suggest the renters.

I wasn't in the mood to explain why, even though they weren't making the ruckus, they are ultimately responsible for their home and events that happen there.


I wish it were legal to crack heads with a stick.

greg63
05-18-2007, 10:55 AM
I saw a couple of guys walk into a bar; the next one ducked.

Rooster
05-18-2007, 01:38 PM
Shortly after I pass the ugly man dressed as an ugly woman on a bike, I get the joy of seeing the old man on roller skates. What's funny about the old man on roller skates is that I've seen him doing this for 4 years, so he's been skating for awhile. But he looks like he can barely skate. Imagine putting a dog on skates and watching it trying to keep it's balance.

ROFL ROFL I have seen that guy skating around Hutch before. I almost died laughing when I saw him. He doesn't look very comfortable on the skates but he skates on. Funny stuff.

Iowanian
06-14-2007, 02:34 PM
Its not often that I find myself nearly speechless.....

So, I register and play in a $50 "bounty hunter" poker tournament on wednesdays sometimes. Of 120, I've been Knocked out 3 times with pocket jacks while sitting between 30, 17, and last night...13. Well, that part is irrelevant.

So, after the first hour break, the casino serves "free" hoagie sandwiches and you have 15 minutes before the 2nd round begins.

Last week, along with alot of the others, I headed for the Cave of Urination, and as I step into my spot of choice, following man code, leaving a stall between myself and both sides(also mini walls between each), looking strait up, down, and above shoulder level, when something to my left startles me.

The guy 2 urinals over, has a 9" hoagie embedded in his mouth....no hands, in a public restroom, while urinating(assumed).

I'm initially shocked....who effing eats in a public rest room.....especially while taking a piss.

now, my mind gets to going and I'm making wagers in my own mind. "what in the hell will he do? Will he keep holding the sandwich in the mouth anaconda grip while washing hands, and then eat it, OOOOR, would he Go strait from his hot dog to Sub in his mouth?

As I'm walking by, towards the sinks, he turns, and I can't help it....I say "dude, If I had a camera phone, your ass would be famous on the internet tomorrow"....mostly to see if he'd dirty dick his own dinner. He says "mmmffff mfff ffff mmmffffffffffmmuckmmfff mmmffyoummmm"

I start washing my hands....and you guessed it....the nasty bastard, while walking by, reaches up and grabs the sandwich and heads back into the tournament.

I think I'll wear medical gloves to the casino from now on.

Nasty bastards.

StcChief
06-14-2007, 05:23 PM
Stay outta Iowa.... Iowanian wait for the next uproar call the cops and their landlord.

Count Alex's Losses
06-14-2007, 05:24 PM
It's too bad my wireless couldn't detect a signal at the doctor's office today. Interesting crowd of people.

Rain Man
08-21-2007, 06:43 PM
I was in line at the grocery store, and the guy in front of me was an urban cool dude. He had the wifebeater shirt, baggy pants, and all the regalia of his chosen image. On the side of his neck, he had a tattoo that said, "100% Hustler".

Then I looked in his hands, and saw that he was holding a WIC coupon to get free baby food. That gave me a good laugh.

Rain Man
04-08-2008, 07:03 PM
Here's a lifetime first for me.

There's a mall near my office, which is kind of an odd covered outdoor mall. I cut through it to get to my car on days that I drive, and I walk by a set of escalators. They're quite tall, covering more height than a typical escalator.

Here's the first: a person was stuck on the escalator.

I always thought that was just a bad joke, but it was true. It was a guy in his 30s or so, and while he looked healthy he had one of those walkers, so obviously he had some sort of disability. He was about 2/3rds of the way up, standing on a step with his walker, and a mall security guy was hanging on to him to keep him from falling. Another mall security guard was at the bottom, and he has starting and stopping the escalator a second at a time. The escalator was inching the guy down.

I have no idea what this was about. The top of the escalator is about 30 feet from a bank of two elevators, so I'm not sure if the elevators were busted or if the guy tried the escalator and got freaked out or something.

It was odd, too, because they were jerking the escalator on and off, which to me seemed like a much riskier move than just turning it on and having the guard hold the guy while it smoothly descended. But hey, I figure that if they're mall security, they must know what they're doing.

Count Alex's Losses
04-08-2008, 07:06 PM
I saw an old lady pumping iron today. She was working it hard.

KCChiefsMan
04-08-2008, 07:28 PM
ok, I was in Wal-mart a couple of days ago. It was around midnight and just wanted to pick up a few groceries and get the hell out of there. Well there is a female undergarment section right near the groceries and as I'm wheeling my cart around I noticed this guy, probably in his early 20's, doing an exaggerated "gangsta" walk. He continues this retarded walk with his arms waving around and goes straight to the panties that were hanging there. These weren't women's panties either, they were little girl underwear. He yell's "AHH $HIT" picks one of the garments up and then yells "HELL YA"

I was rather speechless and got the hell out of there.

Rain Man
04-08-2008, 08:45 PM
Oh, another interesting observation. I saw a handsome homeless guy the other day. Most homeless guys are less than attractive, which is obvious even to people like me who have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality. This guy was dirty and unshaven and was obviously a bum and not a European hiker or something, but he had great hair and chiseled features and broad shoulders. He looked like George Clooney pretending to be a homeless guy.

Count Alex's Losses
04-08-2008, 08:48 PM
He probably gets all the choice homeless 'tang. Like the chick with big boobs who used to be fat but lost a ton of weight when she became homeless.

I bet they get it on under the nearest I-70 overpass Friday nights. He probably steals a bottle from a sleeping wino and makes it real romantic. She wears her best sackcloth.

KurtCobain
04-08-2008, 08:50 PM
Oh, another interesting observation. I saw a handsome homeless guy the other day. Most homeless guys are less than attractive, which is obvious even to people like me who have an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality. This guy was dirty and unshaven and was obviously a bum and not a European hiker or something, but he had great hair and chiseled features and broad shoulders. He looked like George Clooney pretending to be a homeless guy.

I'm currently homeless, yet still dead sexy.

Rain Man
04-08-2008, 10:36 PM
I'm currently homeless, yet still dead sexy.

Do you find that it helps you get more money on street corners, or is it better to be ugly?

Logical
04-08-2008, 10:43 PM
...


2. I came back to the office, and got a cell phone call while I was in my lobby. I was standing there taking the call when this skanky, meth-looking woman in a tank top came in. She got in the elevator and departed toward the heavens. The thing that was most noticeable about her, other than the skanky part, was that she was wearing no supportive garments above the waist, and she badly, badly needed to be wearing them. (Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.) I finished my call and rode the elevator up myself, and when I got off on my floor, the woman was in the front lobby of the other company on my floor filling out a job application. I really think that a skanky-looking person with bosoms befitting a National Geographic photo should consider wearing a bra or something whilst going in to apply for a job.

....What suprises me is that you did not mention how thankful you were that she was not applying at your business.

MadMax
04-08-2008, 10:52 PM
Its not often that I find myself nearly speechless.....

So, I register and play in a $50 "bounty hunter" poker tournament on wednesdays sometimes. Of 120, I've been Knocked out 3 times with pocket jacks while sitting between 30, 17, and last night...13. Well, that part is irrelevant.

So, after the first hour break, the casino serves "free" hoagie sandwiches and you have 15 minutes before the 2nd round begins.

Last week, along with alot of the others, I headed for the Cave of Urination, and as I step into my spot of choice, following man code, leaving a stall between myself and both sides(also mini walls between each), looking strait up, down, and above shoulder level, when something to my left startles me.

The guy 2 urinals over, has a 9" hoagie embedded in his mouth....no hands, in a public restroom, while urinating(assumed).

I'm initially shocked....who effing eats in a public rest room.....especially while taking a piss.

now, my mind gets to going and I'm making wagers in my own mind. "what in the hell will he do? Will he keep holding the sandwich in the mouth anaconda grip while washing hands, and then eat it, OOOOR, would he Go strait from his hot dog to Sub in his mouth?

As I'm walking by, towards the sinks, he turns, and I can't help it....I say "dude, If I had a camera phone, your ass would be famous on the internet tomorrow"....mostly to see if he'd dirty dick his own dinner. He says "mmmffff mfff ffff mmmffffffffffmmuckmmfff mmmffyoummmm"

I start washing my hands....and you guessed it....the nasty bastard, while walking by, reaches up and grabs the sandwich and heads back into the tournament.

I think I'll wear medical gloves to the casino from now on.

Nasty bastards.



ROFL!!! EWWW nasty bastard

KurtCobain
04-14-2008, 12:49 PM
Do you find that it helps you get more money on street corners, or is it better to be ugly?

I try not to beg for money. But from the looks of it, the more deadbeat you look, the bigger the bills are that you get in your change cup.

tooge
04-14-2008, 01:37 PM
That'll work. Perhaps spider bites are responsible for more dry ears than we know.


Here's another one. There's this guy who has one of those little portable hot dog stands about half a block from my office. I'm sure that he's a nice guy and all, but I don't see myself buying a hot dog from a warming tray sitting out in the sun all day. I've walked by this guy every day for about three years now, and I feel like he's watching me and waiting, waiting for that day that I'm going to stop and buy one of his hot dogs, and I feel bad knowing that it'll never happen. His eyes follow me as I walk past him, and he never says anything, never complains, never smiles, never moves, but those eyes watch me as I approach and I can feel them searing into my back as I leave.

I alwasy try to look at both sides of it. Maybe its like this. He serves the most incredible hot dogs in the world. At the end of the year, he gives his favorite customer a real nice gift, like say, a Rolex. He is of course independently wealthy and just doing this 'cuz. so, anyhow, when you walk by, he is actually pittied by you. He figures you are missing out on the best dog ever, and a chance at a very nice watch. He also figures you suffer from some horrible social disease, since you never even look his way or greet him. The eyes on your back are those of a man pittying a lost soul. Hey, you never know.

Rain Man
05-21-2008, 06:41 PM
I am behind the wall. I repeat. I am behind the wall. I am in the inner sanctum.

My wife is getting her hair done, and I caught a ride with her. I'm working on a couch in the hair salon, so I am a fly on the wall watching how this whole system works.

A few observations:

1. They serve free wine, which tells me that my wife pays too much for her haircuts.

2. There's a woman sitting next to me wearing a bunch of aluminum foil. I think she's waiting for some coloration to set or something. I'm not sure if I should compliment her on the foil or not.

3. There's a whole lot of sitting around and reading fashion magazines among the customers. I can't quite figure out why, unless they're all waiting for coloration to set. But there are only two who are wearing aluminum foil.

4. There are some male hairstylists, but I'm not worried about any of them trying to steal my wife, other than maybe one guy who looks and sounds like an undercover cop.

5. Aluminum foil woman is kind of bored now, and she's either staring at me or staring blankly while thinking about physics or something. I see her out of my peripheral vision, and her head is pointed straight at me and not moving.

Rain Man
05-21-2008, 06:46 PM
Okay, the undercover cop just complimented me on my shoes. There is no threat here.

tmax63
05-21-2008, 08:14 PM
Was going into the Walmart the other day and noticed an over-60ish overweight lady loading her purchases into a brand new Porsche. I commented to the greeter ( a friendly old gent) that you don't see that every day. The greeter commented "she even parked in the handicapped slot to boot." Sometimes you just shake your head and realize the end is coming.

Rausch
05-22-2008, 12:07 AM
5. Aluminum foil woman is kind of bored now, and she's either staring at me or staring blankly while thinking about physics or something. I see her out of my peripheral vision, and her head is pointed straight at me and not moving.

Could it be that you're skinny?

You know, like the aliens that abducted her and are trying to read her mind?...

Rain Man
08-13-2008, 08:03 AM
I was in a meeting yesterday with an executive group for a nonprofit, and they were talking about partnerships for a fundraising event. One person suggested motorcycle groups as people who might participate, and a couple of people were saying things like "There's that veteran's group" and "I know there's a Harley group". Then another person, who wasn't listening closely and was still thinking about the original question, said, "I think there's a Cerebral Palsy group." And I was thinking, "I don't think a Cerebral Palsy motorcycle club is a good idea at all."

Jilly
08-13-2008, 12:15 PM
Husband and I met my folks for dinner at the casino a week ago. We ate at the sports bar. While we were walking back to the car, we were following a woman and a younger boy. She had her arm around him (pretty sure it was her son). While she was walking, she took her other hand and reached it down the back of her skirt and started to dig at her ass. One might think that would last just a second, maybe to get her panties out of it...but her hand lingered there for the duration of her walk until she was out of our line of sight. I wonder if she even knew there were other people in the casino?

greg63
08-13-2008, 08:14 PM
I was in a meeting yesterday with an executive group for a nonprofit, and they were talking about partnerships for a fundraising event. One person suggested motorcycle groups as people who might participate, and a couple of people were saying things like "There's that veteran's group" and "I know there's a Harley group". Then another person, who wasn't listening closely and was still thinking about the original question, said, "I think there's a Cerebral Palsy group." And I was thinking, "I don't think a Cerebral Palsy motorcycle club is a good idea at all."

But could be entertaining in a sick, sorted kind of way.

Count Alex's Losses
08-13-2008, 08:14 PM
One of my favorite activities is watching ass at the airport. I love flying in to Dallas because that's like the ass center of the universe. It comes and goes at a phenomenal rate.

Rain Man
08-30-2008, 03:48 PM
I had lunch at Arby's and got an exciting double-peoplewatching event.

First, there was a homeless guy in line in front of me. I was standing in line minding my own business, and all of a sudden I heard the guy say, "What the f*** are you looking at?" The homeless guy had taken exception to some computer nerdy guy who was waiting for his food, and I guess he thought the nerdy guy was staring at him. He made a threatening move at the nerdy guy, but then stopped and backed off before a fight started.

He then asked for a glass of water at the counter and Arby's told him he'd have to buy it. I wondered if he'd try to fight the Arby's guy, but he just left.

The more interesting sighting was a guy who was eating in the Arby's. He was obviously homeless, too, and he was having a rather animated conversation with an invisible person sitting across from him. As I passed by, I noticed that he had no fewer than six Bibles spread out on the table in front of him, all open. I think he may have been comparing versions or something, which isn't necessarily crazy, but it made for an interesting sight.

StcChief
08-30-2008, 03:56 PM
I had lunch at Arby's and got an exciting double-peoplewatching event.

First, there was a homeless guy in line in front of me. I was standing in line minding my own business, and all of a sudden I heard the guy say, "What the f*** are you looking at?" The homeless guy had taken exception to some computer nerdy guy who was waiting for his food, and I guess he thought the nerdy guy was staring at him. He made a threatening move at the nerdy guy, but then stopped and backed off before a fight started.

He then asked for a glass of water at the counter and Arby's told him he'd have to buy it. I wondered if he'd try to fight the Arby's guy, but he just left.

The more interesting sighting was a guy who was eating in the Arby's. He was obviously homeless, too, and he was having a rather animated conversation with an invisible person sitting across from him. As I passed by, I noticed that he had no fewer than six Bibles spread out on the table in front of him, all open. I think he may have been comparing versions or something, which isn't necessarily crazy, but it made for an interesting sight. this thread is completely worthless without....

discrete cell phone pic?

JuicesFlowing
08-30-2008, 04:27 PM
I have reached the undeniable conclusion that driving in Texas is considered by locals to be a full-contact sport with very few rules.

And the use of turn signals is anathema.

Texas drivers have the worst reputation everywhere, so it must be true.

Rain Man
01-03-2009, 11:17 PM
The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."

Rain Man
01-23-2009, 09:48 AM
I got to witness the full life cycle of a joke last night, from ghetto birth through squalid life to (hopefully) tragic, lonely death.

I was at a party for a nonprofit organization, and one of the guests had a speaking role. He accidentally called a donor the wrong name, e.g. her name was Lana and he called her Laura when he was acknowledging her. A staff member shouted up the right name and he corrected it.

I was sitting at a table with "Lana" and several other people when the speaker came over. The speaker is a person of great volume who tends to swoop in and take over conversations, and this was no exception.

I am not exaggerating here. Any time any statement was made, he would leap in and make a huge, staggering, 79-piece orchestral production of saying the woman's name wrong, and then laugh uproariously at top volume. For example,

Person A: "So, Lana, your kids go to Tom Landry Middle School?"

Speaker (jumping in): I didn't know Laura! had kids! Bwahahahahahahahaha!


Person C: Hey, Rain Man, do you know where the best parking is downtown?

Speaker (jumping in): You know who you should ask about that? Laura! Bwahahahahahahaha!



I am not exaggerating. He sat at our table for about an hour, and he did that no fewer than 30 times, likely 40 times, and possibly as many as 50 times.

And what was more fascinating to me is the phenomenon of laughter. The speaker is a nice guy, and I've got nothing against him. He's just an extreme, extreme extrovert who goes wild in crowds. The fascinating thing was that he would make this same lame statement over and over, and he would guffaw really loud afterwards, and a lot of people are socially inclined to laugh when they hear laughter, and so these other people would laugh, too, so you'd end up with all these people laughing, and I bet the speaker thought he was killing the crowd, but in reality he was taking advantage of a humor loophole where laughter begets laughter, even if the laughter is coming from the "joke teller" himself.

So we're at this table and with the geography and sociology of the situation I couldn't get up and leave, so I had to sit there, and the speaker is rolling on the floor every time he tells this "joke", which is at least once a minute, and a couple of other people are rolling with him because there's so much laughter that it must be funny, right?, and Lana was one of those social laughers herself, so I couldn't tell if she was getting annoyed (as I would be) or if she liked the attention, and I'm sitting there at the end of the table smiling politely and swirling my water glass with my jaw clenched because you can't hold a conversation at all in this situation and all you can do is surreptitiously track on a cocktail napkin how long between retellings of this "joke" to assess whether it's accelerating toward a sonic doppler wave of the guy eventually just screaming Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! Laura! until his head explodes, or whether the frequency is slowing down to the point where at some point a person could actually talk to other people without getting shouted down by "Maybe Laura! would like some more wine! Bwahahahahahahaha!"


I really should have been an anthropologist.

Count Alex's Losses
01-24-2009, 08:05 PM
I would have shot him.

boogblaster
01-24-2009, 09:47 PM
Sometimes 15 minute fame lasts longer ... He'll be rewarded with a dull passing suited just for him ...

JuicesFlowing
01-24-2009, 09:48 PM
The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."

And this is why I do not have a tattoo. I have nothing against them. I just don't trust anyone.

Marcellus
01-24-2009, 10:23 PM
The news tonight had a story about a couple of morons who stole a car and then killed themselves 15 minutes later in a car wreck. The morons didn't have identification, so the news described them to see if any of their criminal relatives wanted to come forward and claim their karma-damaged bodies. They described the woman, and one key identifying mark was a tattoo across her back that said...

"ONLY GOD CAN JUGDE"

I did not misspell the last word. That was her tattoo. The news even said, "This is not a typo. The word is misspelled."

That is damn sad and damn funny at the same time.

I hope GOD isn't judging on spelling.

patteeu
01-25-2009, 08:21 AM
That is damn sad and damn funny at the same time.

I hope GOD isn't judging on spelling.

Technically speaking, "damned" is the adverb form of the word "damn", although my dictionary does say that "damn" can be used informally. I don't know how God would feel about such things though so check it out before you use it in a tattoo. :p

StcChief
01-25-2009, 10:44 AM
Technically speaking, "damned" is the adverb form of the word "damn", although my dictionary does say that "damn" can be used informally. I don't know how God would feel about such things though so check it out before you use it in a tattoo. :pyour body is a temple...
so writing on the wall of temple....won't go over well. /God

mdstu
01-25-2009, 06:06 PM
Went to get some TacoBell at halftime two weeks ago. I ordered 8 of the $.89 Cheesy Double beef burritos (I was buying for three). The chick rings it up and the total is almost $15. So after driving all the way there I get to find out they don't honor the price that I just watched on a TB commercial during the game. The hell with it I didn't feel like driving around looking for something else and missing anymore of the game than I had to. I pay then go to the bathroom, upon returning she says "We only have enough rice to make five of those burritos." I'm visibly starting to get pissed now, but I know it is not the kid at the registers fault that the price is wrong and the rice is low. I told her that I would just take the five then.

Then it happens, I see that glazed, confused look come over her face and I know what she is going to ask next. "Do you want your money back then?"

I don't know how these people make it through life. It amazes me.

Katipan
01-25-2009, 06:26 PM
There's a window from where I sit in Accounting into the President's office. Directly in front of me. He likes to watch the morning news or the weather channel. Usually the television is off by 10. One morning I watched him walk into his office and stop dead in his tracks transfixed by a television commercial. It was the commercial for the doo hickey that pulls your bra straps together in the back hiding those oh so unfasionable bra straps. Commercial completely focused on the breasts but there were no bikinis or anything. You see more breasts on Hannah Montana, but he was absolutely mesMERized by this 6 minute commercial. His phone rang, his cell phone rang, people walked by his office and he steadfastly watched the bra commercial.

When it was over, he adjusted himself, realized he was standing in front of a window, looked at me looking at him with an eyebrow raised (I practiced and practiced just for such an occasion) and scurried to his desk.

It makes me wonder what his wife's breasts look like.

Rain Man
04-11-2009, 08:41 PM
I was about to go on my jog today, and was sitting on my front steps adjusting my shoes. I live on a street with a fair amount of pedestrian traffic, so it's not uncommon for people to walk by.

Some old lady was walking by, and noticed that there was a piece of paper on the sidewalk where some idiot had thrown it down. I was going to pick it up, but hadn't made it down there yet.

She toddled over and picked it up. I said, "Thank you very much. I appreciate it."

She mumbled and grumbled that someone could easily step on the paper and slip and fall. I didn't think it was quite that dangerous, but agreed nonetheless. I was at the top of the steps sitting down (about 8 steps up), and she was at the bottom.

She motioned to my flower bed and to the paper in her hand. "You want me to just throw this in there?" she asked.

"Um, no." I had assumed she was going to carry it to a trash can. "Here, I'll take it."

She gave me the paper and then proceeded to complain to me about how my sidewalk is crooked and could trip people who are walking. She went over and motioned and mimed tripping and pointed out a section of sidewalk where there is seriously no more than a quarter-inch of height difference.

So much for a nice trash picker-upper.

Rain Man
04-11-2009, 08:43 PM
It makes me wonder what his wife's breasts look like.


I wonder that, too. But then, I did before the story, too.

kstater
05-22-2009, 08:40 AM
Sitting here at an airport. I don't think I've seen one person walk by that wasn't on a cell phone. What was airports like prior to cellphones? Was there a mad rush to the pay phones as planes landed?

Katipan
05-22-2009, 08:48 AM
Sitting here at an airport. I don't think I've seen one person walk by that wasn't on a cell phone. What was airports like prior to cellphones? Was there a mad rush to the pay phones as planes landed?

Yes but it was easier to coordinate rides when your ride was allowed to greet you in the terminal with flowers balloons and a 12 piece orchestra.

Rain Man
07-11-2009, 09:43 AM
Two observations from my walk home last night.

1. Guys with bad posture shouldn't wear Hawaiian shirts. For some reason, any guy with a Hawaiian shirt who's hunched over looks like he's weird. I can't put my finger on why, but it's a fact. (I'm not sure if this counts for men over 80, though, since I haven't seen one. If you're a hunched-over octogenarian, it may make you more cool to go out in a Hawaiian shirt.)

2. I walked home by the baseball stadium while a game was starting, and as usual there were police all over the place to block streets and handle pedestrian traffic. One of the police officers was a woman who was about 5'-6" or so and absolutely weighed over 300 pounds. I was very surprised to see that. Do they require police officers to pass a fitness test? I don't think this woman could have passed any fitness test. I realize that handling pedestrians and blocking streets at a ball game is a pretty low-impact police activity, and figured that maybe they let the dispatchers or other non-field staff make some extra money by doing it, but at the same time she was out there in a police uniform. If a crime was committed, it seems that it would be her job to rush to the scene and chase down and arrest a criminal.

Rain Man
08-13-2009, 06:14 PM
On my walk to work today, I passed a parking lot that's near the haunted mansion that I want to buy. It's the only possible employee parking in the area, and the weird thing is that it's permit-only, but there's no contact information anywhere about how to get a permit. So I've never been able to do any research.

Today when I walked by, lo and behold there was a guy working at the little box where you deposit money. (And no, I don't know why this box exists if it's permit only.) So I walked over to him and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Hi, it looks like you work at this lot.

Him (in foreign accent, some kind of Balkan country, I think): Yes, I own it.

Me: How much does it cost to park here?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: (Looking at sign.) Yeah, there's no pricing on the sign.

Him: (Coming around box to point at sign.) It's permit only. You have to have a permit.

Me: Yeah, I see that. How much does it cost?

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: How do I get a permit?

Him: You have to call and get one.

Me: Who do I call?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: There's no contact information on the sign.

Him: (Pointing around.) The lot's full.

Me: I don't need it now. I'm talking about later.

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: Who do I call to get a permit?

Him: Me.

Me: Can I have your phone number?

Him: It's on the sign.

Me: I swear to you, it's not.

Him: (Looking at sign.) Huh.

How in the world does this guy have a full parking lot? There's no way to contact him at all. There's no way to pay. There's no way to figure out how to pay. It's weird.

Adept Havelock
08-13-2009, 06:33 PM
your body is a temple...


I guess that explains all the local Hasidics dropping in every Saturday.

Count Alex's Losses
08-13-2009, 06:37 PM
My new favorite peoplewatching activity is leering at teenage lifeguards, who just happen to prance their cute little asses around in bikinis in front of my gym.

rockymtnchief
08-13-2009, 06:45 PM
On my walk to work today, I passed a parking lot that's near the haunted mansion that I want to buy. It's the only possible employee parking in the area, and the weird thing is that it's permit-only, but there's no contact information anywhere about how to get a permit. So I've never been able to do any research.

Today when I walked by, lo and behold there was a guy working at the little box where you deposit money. (And no, I don't know why this box exists if it's permit only.) So I walked over to him and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Hi, it looks like you work at this lot.

Him (in foreign accent, some kind of Balkan country, I think): Yes, I own it.

Me: How much does it cost to park here?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: (Looking at sign.) Yeah, there's no pricing on the sign.

Him: (Coming around box to point at sign.) It's permit only. You have to have a permit.

Me: Yeah, I see that. How much does it cost?

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: How do I get a permit?

Him: You have to call and get one.

Me: Who do I call?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: There's no contact information on the sign.

Him: (Pointing around.) The lot's full.

Me: I don't need it now. I'm talking about later.

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: Who do I call to get a permit?

Him: Me.

Me: Can I have your phone number?

Him: It's on the sign.

Me: I swear to you, it's not.

Him: (Looking at sign.) Huh.

How in the world does this guy have a full parking lot? There's no way to contact him at all. There's no way to pay. There's no way to figure out how to pay. It's weird.
Probably just a front to launder money.

KC Dan
08-13-2009, 06:55 PM
I just took a little trip to Georgia, and I have a few peoplewatching things to report.


1. I was waiting at my gate, and there was a couple there that I think was Japanese. The guy had a banana. Instead of peeling from the top where the stem is, he peeled it from the bottom. That fascinated me. Do Japanese people peel their bananas from the bottom, or was this some kind of one-time anomaly?

2. I got home and got my car from the parking lot, and had to stop at one of those little booths to pay the parking fee. They parking guy's name tag was "Yasir A." That gives you a good feeling about airport security.

3. Speaking of homeland security, I had to fly three hours on a plane with a guy sitting directly behind me who was wearing a Romanowski jersey. I kept hoping an air marshall would shoot him.

4. I was in the security line at the airport, and I had my shoes and laptop and stuff in those little tubs that I was pushing along the x-ray conveyor. The guy behind me wasn't paying attention and pushed his own little tub into my hand. I ignored it and kept moving. Ten seconds later, he did it again. Once is an accident, twice is inexcusable. If I didn't have to catch a plane, I probably would've killed him with piano wire.What a great thread! I don't know how the heck I have missed it all this time. #1 and #3 are just awesome

Marcellus
08-13-2009, 07:46 PM
I went to Sears yesterday and headed to the tool department.

I asked a guy behind a checkout counter where the timing lights were kept (fairly basic automotive tool, at least I think) and he gets a deer in the headlights look, points over to a corner near mowing equipment and says over there. I turn to look where he is pointing and by the time I turn back he is hauling ass the other way.

I think "surely they aren't in the mowing equipment area" but walk that way anyway. I then see an older Sears employee talking with a customer and think "oh, he was pointing me towards this guy".
I wait until he finishes with the customer and ask him where I might find a timing light.
He looks at me and says" I don't think we have any here, you will need to go to the other building (points outside to the tire sales and installation building) we don't keep many automotive tools here."
Now keep in mind I am in the Sear freaking tool department.
I look at him and tell him I find that odd. He looks at me for an uncomfortable amount of time without saying anything then says " If we had one it would probably be here" and walk straight over to an area where there are 3 different models of timing lights and goes "oh, I had no idea".

This is Sears tool department for God's sake. I thought I was on Punked or Candid Camera for several minutes.
If you work in a tool department, you should know what a timing light is. I bet the 17 year old girl at Harbor Freight could have told me exactly where they were.

sd4chiefs
08-13-2009, 10:12 PM
I go to the gym about three times a week. It is a great place to people watch because working out is so boring. There a some people that I see there all the time and I like to give them nicknames.

The Flash. The guy who get on the elliptical machine. Sets it at the lowest resistance and goes really fast.

The Sweat Beast. The guy who gets really sweaty running on the treadmill and then goes around the gym getting all his sweat on the machines and benches.

The Dude. The guy who wears all black, black ball cap turned backwards and wears sun glasses.

The Redneck. The guy who wears cowboy boots and jeans to work out in.

The Cougar. The older woman who is in good shape for her age but wears skimpy tight fitting appeal that shows off her old skin.

The Macho man. The guy who comes in and tries to impress all the ladies by llifting more weight than he can really handle and makes loud grunting noises.

If you are one of these types then I am not sorry if I offended you . You just look silly or gross.

CosmicPal
08-13-2009, 10:43 PM
The Dude. The guy who wears all black, black ball cap turned backwards and wears sun glasses.


Why the f*ck are you wearing shades inside a gym? Seriously, those are the guys I'd like to see get strangled by an angry elf.

Huffman83
08-13-2009, 11:50 PM
Took a non emergency call this morning. Lady on the line wants to talk to an officer about driving by an apartment complex that has their sprinkler system on a timer. She states that every other morning the system turns on at the same time and gets her car wet when she drives by it.

The next call is a medical emergency and the person on the line is more calm than the woman bitching about a sprinkler.

FML...

Goldmember
08-14-2009, 01:13 AM
Rainman, I was laughing so hard all memory of my weird experiences in the Bay Area, and there have been a few, flew right out of my head. Get back to you later once I regroup

Goldmember
08-14-2009, 01:22 AM
On my walk to work today, I passed a parking lot that's near the haunted mansion that I want to buy. It's the only possible employee parking in the area, and the weird thing is that it's permit-only, but there's no contact information anywhere about how to get a permit. So I've never been able to do any research.

Today when I walked by, lo and behold there was a guy working at the little box where you deposit money. (And no, I don't know why this box exists if it's permit only.) So I walked over to him and the following conversation ensued.

Me: Hi, it looks like you work at this lot.

Him (in foreign accent, some kind of Balkan country, I think): Yes, I own it.

Me: How much does it cost to park here?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: (Looking at sign.) Yeah, there's no pricing on the sign.

Him: (Coming around box to point at sign.) It's permit only. You have to have a permit.

Me: Yeah, I see that. How much does it cost?

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: How do I get a permit?

Him: You have to call and get one.

Me: Who do I call?

Him: Look at the sign.

Me: There's no contact information on the sign.

Him: (Pointing around.) The lot's full.

Me: I don't need it now. I'm talking about later.

Him: You have to have a permit.

Me: Who do I call to get a permit?

Him: Me.

Me: Can I have your phone number?

Him: It's on the sign.

Me: I swear to you, it's not.

Him: (Looking at sign.) Huh.

How in the world does this guy have a full parking lot? There's no way to contact him at all. There's no way to pay. There's no way to figure out how to pay. It's weird.

reminds me of this story

From The London Times:

A Well-Planned Retirement



Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and buses. For 25 years, its

parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1.40),

£5 for busses (about $7).



Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo

Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.



The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.



Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain

(or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing

to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!


And no one even knows his name.

Slainte
08-14-2009, 06:09 AM
...commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!

And no one even knows his name.

Good story, bad math. I make it just over $5.1M. And that's if the zoo were open 365 days/yr. And what kind of zoo would be open every day of the year?? I guess the kind of zoo whose employees never noticed the King of the Gypsies was their parking attendant...

Goldmember
08-14-2009, 10:08 AM
Good story, bad math. I make it just over $5.1M. And that's if the zoo were open 365 days/yr. And what kind of zoo would be open every day of the year?? I guess the kind of zoo whose employees never noticed the King of the Gypsies was their parking attendant...

nice catch, I didn't bother to check it. I still can't believe that a guy "works" there for 25 years and NOBODY knows his name? He'd probably give a fake name anyway

Rain Man
10-02-2009, 12:18 PM
I was walking down the pedestrian mall today, and three homeless guys were talking. One of them was complaining about how some guy tried to stab him, but didn't do it right. The others were sympathetic.


Homeless Guy 1: And he came up behind me, but he just poked me with it. He didn't stab. Like this. (Takes his finger and pokes at the kidney area of Homeless Guy 2.)

Homeless Guy 2: You can't do that.

Homeless Guy 1: Yeah, it just felt like someone poked me with something. It was ridiculous. He had no idea how to stab someone.

Homeless Guy 3: You have to punch. You have to forget you're holding the knife and just punch the guy with your fist. But holding the knife.

Homeless Guy 1: Exactly. This guy had no idea what he was doing.

seclark
10-02-2009, 12:30 PM
it's the 2nd of october, and as i pull into the switching office where i work i see the meth-heads that live down the street are outside hanging up freaking Christmas lights. this is about 7am this morning.

just walked out to the truck, and now there's pack of dogs on their porch, howling their asses off.

isn't it kind of early for Christmas caroling?
sec

Iowanian
10-02-2009, 12:52 PM
The other day, something caught my eye out the office window and I looked up to see what I'll call a "bag lady" with a big, poofy knitted hat on and some kind of long coat/robe with pajama pants on, standing in the small area between my parking lot and the main road.

She's bent over, not far from my ride, and appears to be messing with a 1/4 full bottle of what I think was sunkist soda that someone had obviously pitched out. Kids hang out in my lot at night, so there is usually something to pick up(beer cans aren't uncommon).

Anyway, she picks it up, I'm assume to collect/sell...and then puts it down. She goes across the street to another business and about 10 minutes later is coming back. She goes to the same spot, picks up the same bottle, swishes it around a little, dumps out a glug or two.....removes a water bottle from her pocket and dumps some in the bottle.

Then, takes a drink from the Sunkist bottle.

JD10367
10-02-2009, 01:27 PM
I was walking down the pedestrian mall today, and three homeless guys were talking. One of them was complaining about how some guy tried to stab him, but didn't do it right. The others were sympathetic.


Homeless Guy 1: And he came up behind me, but he just poked me with it. He didn't stab. Like this. (Takes his finger and pokes at the kidney area of Homeless Guy 2.)

Homeless Guy 2: You can't do that.

Homeless Guy 1: Yeah, it just felt like someone poked me with something. It was ridiculous. He had no idea how to stab someone.

Homeless Guy 3: You have to punch. You have to forget you're holding the knife and just punch the guy with your fist. But holding the knife.

Homeless Guy 1: Exactly. This guy had no idea what he was doing.

Actually you shouldn't hold the knife pointed towards the person at all. You should hold the knife in your right hand (assuming you're a rightie) with the blade's pointed to the right and forwards. Picture the way you'd grip a bicycle or motorcycle handle, and then picture the blade coming out to the right. This serves a variety of purposes. First, they can't grab your wrist, or they'll be grabbing the blade. Second, they can't force your arm backwards and into your face/chest and stab you with your own blade. Third, it's hardsr for them to wrestle the knife from you by prying your fingers loose because you can be twisting your fist towards you and cutting the shit out of them. Fourth, it allows you to punch, and follow through with the blade swiping from right to left across your target, and then you can return-strike with a quick jab to the chest by reversing your arm's motion and punching backwards at them.

Rain Man
12-22-2009, 11:52 AM
Homeless people really are the most interesting people around.

This morning I was walking in to work and this one fellow I recognize was coming towards me. He always asks for money in a very polite manner, "so he can get something to eat".

So he's walking toward me and he's eating some sort of big honey bun/cinnamon roll kind of thing, and as I pass he goes, "Excuse me, sir. Can you spare some change so I can get some-" and then he stopped. Apparently he suddenly realized that his line doesn't work very well if he's actually eating while he's saying it. So he just cut off his sentence and kept walking. I thought it was kind of funny.

Dark Horse
12-22-2009, 11:58 AM
I saw a homeless guy a while back holding a sign that read " why lie I need a beer"

Rain Man
07-31-2010, 11:31 PM
This might actually be worth its own thread, but I don't want to be presumptuous.

I got a cab ride today, and the driver was a friendly German fellow. I was making small talk with him, and asked if he could drop me off at a Chinese food restaurant. I got a long discourse from him about how good a person his Thai ex-wife was, and if I followed the conversation correctly he more or less said that she was a Thai prostitute. He was discussing the thought processes of Thai prostitutes and how they want to marry white men and then started telling me how a person goes about attracting Thai prostitutes when in Thailand. Short story - be white and tell them they're pretty, though I personally question whether the second part is really required.

The funny thing is, when we went to the Chinese place he actually parked the taxi and went in and checked out the hostess at the Chinese place. No other reason as far as I could tell. He and I agreed that she was attractive.

Mr. Kotter
07-31-2010, 11:44 PM
This is suspiciously like the...

"People of Walmart" website....I'm just sayin'....heh.

LMAO

Rain Man
11-18-2010, 11:14 PM
I was on the bus yesterday, and two people behind me started chatting. They didn't know each other, but were just killing time. One of them was a woman who was not a knockout, but not unattractive. The other was a guy with some piercings and stretched-out earlobes with big hoops in them.

I wasn't listening for the most part, but at one point I think they were talking about being in jail. Then the conversation went as follows:

Woman: The last time I was in jail, I was so bored that I read the bible. The whole bible.

Man: Really? The whole thing?

Woman: Yeah, start to finish.

Man: That's a really long story.

Woman: Actually, it's a bunch of stories.

Man: Really?

Woman: Yeah, and you know what? Adam and Eve had butt sex.

Man: Really?

Woman: It's on like page 2 or something.

Man: It says in the bible that they had butt sex?

Woman: It's right in there. It says it.

Man: I didn't know that.

ChiefsrGood
11-19-2010, 02:40 AM
I was on the bus yesterday, and two people behind me started chatting. They didn't know each other, but were just killing time. One of them was a woman who was not a knockout, but not unattractive. The other was a guy with some piercings and stretched-out earlobes with big hoops in them.

I wasn't listening for the most part, but at one point I think they were talking about being in jail. Then the conversation went as follows:

Woman: The last time I was in jail, I was so bored that I read the bible. The whole bible.

Man: Really? The whole thing?

Woman: Yeah, start to finish.

Man: That's a really long story.

Woman: Actually, it's a bunch of stories.

Man: Really?

Woman: Yeah, and you know what? Adam and Eve had butt sex.

Man: Really?

Woman: It's on like page 2 or something.

Man: It says in the bible that they had butt sex?

Woman: It's right in there. It says it.

Man: I didn't know that.

ROFL

kysirsoze
11-19-2010, 02:44 AM
I saw two guys were chattering to themselves on the subway. It started to turn into sort of a competition but I'm not sure what the rules were. Then a third guy hopped up and started doing it but in French and playing violent percussion on the train door. He won.

The first two competitors were nearly shocked out of their rants by the power and intensity of the Frenchman. It was really something.

bevischief
11-19-2010, 07:35 AM
I was on the bus yesterday, and two people behind me started chatting. They didn't know each other, but were just killing time. One of them was a woman who was not a knockout, but not unattractive. The other was a guy with some piercings and stretched-out earlobes with big hoops in them.

I wasn't listening for the most part, but at one point I think they were talking about being in jail. Then the conversation went as follows:

Woman: The last time I was in jail, I was so bored that I read the bible. The whole bible.

Man: Really? The whole thing?

Woman: Yeah, start to finish.

Man: That's a really long story.

Woman: Actually, it's a bunch of stories.

Man: Really?

Woman: Yeah, and you know what? Adam and Eve had butt sex.

Man: Really?

Woman: It's on like page 2 or something.

Man: It says in the bible that they had butt sex?

Woman: It's right in there. It says it.

Man: I didn't know that.
ROFL

rockymtnchief
11-19-2010, 07:53 AM
This is suspiciously like the...

"People of Walmart" website....I'm just sayin'....heh.

LMAO

I got one of the "People of Walmart" e-mails yesterday. In it was one of my co-workers! I wanted to forward it to other co-workers, but I was informed the guys wife died that morning. Now I feel guilty for laughing at the poor bastard.

Count Alex's Losses
11-19-2010, 08:05 AM
This is probably morbid, but I gotta add hospitals to my list.

There are some fascinating looks on people's faces going in and out of hospitals.

Yesterday I saw this guy come in and he was just grinning ear to ear from the moment he walked through the sliding doors until he rounded the corner 10 seconds later and out of eyeshot. Very odd. Maybe he was there to get a viagra prescription?

Also saw some really grumpy old people.

There's not as much traffic in a hospital as some of my other favorite places to peoplewatch, but I think the quality over quantity rule applies. More entertainment per stranger.

Best peoplewatching:

1. Airports
2. Malls
3. Dance Clubs
4. Hospitals

Jenson71
11-19-2010, 08:59 AM
Homeless people really are the most interesting people around.


My first night in New York City, I didn't want to get a hotel, and the buses to Wayne had ended, so I walked around Manhattan all night with my big suitcase. I went to a McDonalds near Times Square at about 1am, and a homeless black guy asked if I would buy him a sandwich.

I said okay, because I didn't want to die on my very first day in NYC. So I ordered a McDouble off the $1 menu. He ordered some specialty meal for $7. And then we sat down and talked about the election of Barack Obama for about an hour. He actually didn't have much hope with him. It was a decent hour or so. He asked me at the end for $40 for a Scientology screening for himself, and I declined, despite the inticing promise of a full refund if I gave him my PO Box.

Count Alex's Losses
11-19-2010, 09:06 AM
I went to a McDonalds near Times Square at about 1am, and a homeless black guy asked if I would buy him a sandwich.

I said okay, because I didn't want to die on my very first day in NYC. So I ordered a McDouble off the $1 menu. He ordered some specialty meal for $7. And then we sat down and talked about the election of Barack Obama for about an hour.

You are such a pussy.

You gave a bum $7 for no reason.

You should have told him to go fuck himself, he might have learned a lesson.

Jenson71
11-19-2010, 09:14 AM
I felt it was legitimate charity. With my bags, I considered myself to be in a bit of vulnerable position, and I certainly would not want to be confrontational.

I know we were great 'people watching' material.

frankotank
11-19-2010, 09:17 AM
I ride a bike to work as much as possible. I’m always checking out the other bikes when I park, especially this one particular silver Harley. I’m driving to work in my truck and I see that Harley up ahead of me and it looks like a girl driving it. Cool! I dig a chick on a bike. She’s got long black hair in a pony tail and has black chaps one with a matching black jacket, it has those fringe/tassel things running down each arm and across the back. I just gotta see what she looks like! I carefully maneuver through traffic until finally I come up along side her…..and she’s got a full freaking beard! Wow. How very disappointing. Never seen a dude sport tassels like that. Seriously, that had to be a girls jacket.

frankotank
11-19-2010, 12:11 PM
the quote from the thread entry has had me chuckling all day "(Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.)" a perfect desription of meth hooters. awesome!

burt
11-19-2010, 12:27 PM
1. I went to the optometrist today to get my eyes checked.

I am NOT reading this entire thread, but I like my eyes in just 1 color. Checked would look wierd.

Rain Man
03-25-2011, 08:25 PM
Okay, this is an epic peoplewatching post. If you have read this far, keep reading.

I was walking home last night, and I tend to walk through a commercial area that has varying amounts of foot traffic. I walked by a restaurant that's in a low-traffic area, and so usually doesn't have a lot of customers.

Envision this, and every word is true. The restaurant is well-lit and abuts the sidewalk, so it's very easy to see in. There are two customers, both women, and two waitresses. None are bombshells, but none are warthogs, either. Pretty reasonable overall.

As I walk up, Waitress A and Waitress B are standing at the table talking to the two women. Apparently the conversation was about brassieres, because Waitress B reaches behind Waitress A (who's holding a plate or glass or something) and pulls her top up to look at the back of her bra. They're all chatting while this happens, and Waitress B is doing some pointing and explaining. Then she continues raising the top, front and back, all the way to Waitress A's armpits. So the four of them are there, two customers sitting and two waitresses standing, and one Waitress A has her top being held all the way up by Waitress B so the others can presumably look at her bra. And I'm trying everything I can to not walk into traffic.

In a restaurant this was happening. In a restaurant!

rockymtnchief
03-25-2011, 08:38 PM
Waitress A has her top being held all the way up by Waitress B so the others can presumably look at her bra. And I'm trying everything I can to not walk into traffic.

In a restaurant this was happening. In a restaurant!

Maybe she was showing the customers the milk menu?:hmmm:

crazycoffey
03-25-2011, 09:26 PM
Maybe she was showing the customers the milk menu?:hmmm:

it was probably my wife...

rockymtnchief
03-25-2011, 09:39 PM
it was probably my wife...

LMAO

And this whole time I thought that was a special showing for Mr. Flopnuts and I? I don't feel so special anymore.

crazycoffey
03-25-2011, 09:42 PM
LMAO

And this whole time I thought that was a special showing for Mr. Flopnuts and I? I don't feel so special anymore.

It was still special, she didn't give that show to anyone else (that trip)...

Rain Man
03-25-2011, 09:43 PM
There must be an inside story I'm missing.

crazycoffey
03-25-2011, 09:57 PM
There must be an inside story I'm missing.

floppy and Rocky here shared a ride with us to the game after the bash last year. My wife likes to show her funbags every once and a while, or at least her bra. So she gave them a bit of a flash in the car. It was fun for the whole family entertainment.

rockymtnchief
03-25-2011, 10:16 PM
floppy and Rocky here shared a ride with us to the game after the bash last year. My wife likes to show her funbags every once and a while, or at least her bra. So she gave them a bit of a flash in the car. It was fun for the whole family entertainment.

This is why I insisted on paying the parking fees at Arrowhead...in one dollar bills:evil:

crazycoffey
03-25-2011, 10:20 PM
This is why I insisted on paying the parking fees at Arrowhead...in one dollar bills:evil:


mamma's gotta help pay her half of the bills somehow...

Iowanian
03-26-2011, 09:10 AM
One of the restaurant patrons took a cell photo of rainman and describes it like the final scene of Lucas...Rainman, standing in a euphoric haze, arms raised in victory in an oversized jacket, so they all started the slow clap.

Rain Man
04-06-2011, 10:36 PM
One of the restaurant patrons took a cell photo of rainman and describes it like the final scene of Lucas...Rainman, standing in a euphoric haze, arms raised in victory in an oversized jacket, so they all started the slow clap.


That's pretty much exactly how it went down.

Rain Man
04-06-2011, 10:43 PM
Okay, this happened tonight.

I'm walking home, headed south and approaching a street corner, maybe 100 feet away.

Walking west is an old woman with a little tiny dog on a leash. This is probably an 8-pound dog, one of those little terriers. She's in the intersection going from the southeast corner to the southwest corner.

Walking east toward the southwest corner, and about half a block away, is some tall 20-something dude.

I'm minding my own business and I suddenly hear screaming. Loud screaming. Panicked screaming. I can't tell where it's coming from.

The old woman is now on the southwest corner of the intersection and has stopped. The 20-something guy is the one who was screaming and pointing at the dog, and he's saying something about the dog, but I can't understand it. He's now maybe 30 feet away from her, and he's stopped.

I figured that maybe he knew the woman, and he was making the dog feel good by pretending it was a wolf or something, so I paid him no mind.

I get into the intersection, close enough to hear what's going on. The old woman is on the corner, the dog is about ten feet out on the leash wanting to go toward the guy, but can't since he only weighs 8 pounds. The guy is about 10 feet from the dog, and he's telling the woman to go south, not east. I have no idea what's going on. Then the guy says, "I have a serious phobia about dogs! You have to go that direction!"

Apparently so.

Rain Man
06-12-2011, 05:03 PM
I was sitting on my front steps today resting from my jog, and I saw two unusual sights about five minutes apart.

First, two teenage boys walked down the sidewalk in front of my house, one maybe 14 and the other maybe 16. The 16 year-old was brushing his teeth. He had no water or anything, but he had a toothbrush in his mouth and was brushing his teeth.

Second, less than five minutes later, a beat-up old pickup came down the street with some bearded old fellow behind the wheel. Perched atop the steering wheel, staring directly at the driver, was a large, live parrot. One of those big red and green and blue ones.

bevischief
06-12-2011, 05:05 PM
I was sitting on my front steps today resting from my jog, and I saw two unusual sights about five minutes apart.

First, two teenage boys walked down the sidewalk in front of my house, one maybe 14 and the other maybe 16. The 16 year-old was brushing his teeth. He had no water or anything, but he had a toothbrush in his mouth and was brushing his teeth.

Second, less than five minutes later, a beat-up old pickup came down the street with some bearded old fellow behind the wheel. Perched atop the steering wheel, staring directly at the driver, was a large, live parrot. One of those big red and green and blue ones.

Worthless without pics...

Rain Man
06-25-2011, 05:49 PM
On my walk home from work, I saw a young woman riding a bicycle, and she was wearing a duct tape skirt and a bubble wrap top. You know that temptation you always have to pop bubble wrap when you see it? Well...

CosmicPal
06-25-2011, 06:01 PM
Then the guy says, "I have a serious phobia about dogs! You have to go that direction!"



What a pussy. It's a little mutt for crying out loud. I'd hate to see his reaction when someone is walking a 60 lb dog or a pit bull for that matter. He'd probably drop a load in his pants. :shake:

CosmicPal
06-25-2011, 06:07 PM
I'm out doing errands this afternoon, and I'm in a very nice part of town. Just a few blocks ahead of me is a not-so-good part of town and I swear I'm telling myself as I'm driving, "Ugggh, I wonder what sort of weirdos I'm going to come upon in the next few blocks?"

Just as I say that, a crash of thunder roars across the sky. I see this bedraggled woman walking along the sidewalk suddenly stop, raise her arms and head toward the sky, and start shaking her arms. I couldn't hear what she was saying because I had the music on in my car and the windows up. But I think she was telling God to strike her down right there. A moment later, she dropped her arms and kept on walking.

HonestChieffan
06-25-2011, 06:34 PM
On my walk home from work, I saw a young woman riding a bicycle, and she was wearing a duct tape skirt and a bubble wrap top. You know that temptation you always have to pop bubble wrap when you see it? Well...

You gotta love your life when you see that. Ive been trying to kill skunks for two days and guys like you are having fun.

Rain Man
08-30-2011, 11:03 PM
Every time I go to the shopping mall - every time - I see this woman walking laps. Every time. It doesn't matter what day it is. It doesn't matter what time it is. She's always there walking laps. She's kind of cute in a crazy kind of way, so you notice her, and she weighs about 90 pounds.

I can't figure out if she's obsessive-compulsive and walks, or if she's the ghost of a person who died in the mall, or if she's rich and spends her entire day walking. But it's odd.

KurtCobain
08-30-2011, 11:09 PM
Every time I go to the shopping mall - every time - I see this woman walking laps. Every time. It doesn't matter what day it is. It doesn't matter what time it is. She's always there walking laps. She's kind of cute in a crazy kind of way, so you notice her, and she weighs about 90 pounds.

I can't figure out if she's obsessive-compulsive and walks, or if she's the ghost of a person who died in the mall, or if she's rich and spends her entire day walking. But it's odd.

Maybe it's just a crazy coincedence. When I worked at the library this creepy looking toothless bald guy was always there looking at magazines. Every single moment I was there. But, according to my coworkers, he was only there when I worked. He'd show up ten minutes before, and leave right after me. Fucking weird.

Rain Man
08-30-2011, 11:12 PM
Maybe it's just a crazy coincedence. When I worked at the library this creepy looking toothless bald guy was always there looking at magazines. Every single moment I was there. But, according to my coworkers, he was only there when I worked. He'd show up ten minutes before, and leave right after me. ****ing weird.

Maybe he was your muse. Maybe this woman is mine.

KurtCobain
08-30-2011, 11:18 PM
Maybe. Or maybe she's secret super duper undercover CIA and she's about to gut your ass for using NFL players in your sandbox game without written consent and permission from the NFL and CBS.

Ugly Duck
08-31-2011, 01:18 AM
I saw this big fat pink-haired woman walking with her skinny little boyfriend on Market Street in San Francisco. He had a dog collar around his neck & she was walking him on a leash.

Count Alex's Losses
10-22-2011, 01:49 PM
Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...

http://i.imgur.com/gNzqm.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/qhXkn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/6Uv1d.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TR3H5.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/X79Nk.jpg

Rausch
10-22-2011, 01:50 PM
Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...

http://i.imgur.com/gNzqm.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/qhXkn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/6Uv1d.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TR3H5.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/X79Nk.jpg

You win.

That's pretty fucking creepy...

4th and Long
10-22-2011, 02:09 PM
You win.

That's pretty ****ing creepy...

Indeed, and distrubing. I suspect in a few more years, we'll be reading about Wendler in the news. "Texas man arrested for taking upskirt pictures of women."

patteeu
10-22-2011, 02:13 PM
That girl was asking for it. She may have even been asking for more than having her picture taken, but without being there in person it's hard for me to tell.

HoneyBadger
10-22-2011, 02:21 PM
I do like Rubio's....

Rain Man
10-22-2011, 07:14 PM
Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...


Her face says serious, but her nipples say fun. Mixed signals.

AustinChief
10-22-2011, 08:53 PM
Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...

Watcha reading there? Looks like a ghey romance novel...

mikey23545
10-22-2011, 08:56 PM
Watcha reading there? Looks like a ghey romance novel...

He's writing it, not reading it...

KurtCobain
10-22-2011, 09:10 PM
Awesome GC.

crispystl420
10-22-2011, 09:31 PM
Awesome GC.

This. Nice work son.

listopencil
10-22-2011, 09:33 PM
That girl was asking for it. She may have even been asking for more than having her picture taken, but without being there in person it's hard for me to tell.



If you think that's asking for it, you should see how the young ladies dress in these parts.

patteeu
10-22-2011, 09:37 PM
If you think that's asking for it, you should see how the young ladies dress in these parts.

Educate me. I await your pictures.

Count Alex's Losses
10-22-2011, 09:55 PM
Watcha reading there? Looks like a ghey romance novel...

How would you know?


Hmm?

Rain Man
11-05-2011, 04:54 PM
I'm in rural Wisconsin waiting for a tow truck. The good news is that the motel guy is letting me wait in the lobby. The interesting news is that there's a really skinny guy with his really obese girlfriend in the pool, and he's riding her like she's a manatee. I have no idea why this is happening.

AustinChief
11-05-2011, 05:23 PM
I'm in rural Wisconsin waiting for a tow truck. The good news is that the motel guy is letting me wait in the lobby. The interesting news is that there's a really skinny guy with his really obese girlfriend in the pool, and he's riding her like she's a manatee. I have no idea why this is happening.

DUDE! Pics? What the hell!

Rain Man
11-05-2011, 05:37 PM
DUDE! Pics? What the hell!

I kept pondering, but it would've been pretty obvious what I'm doing, and this woman could take me down like a grizzly bear on a rabbit. I'm not as good as gif_horse at taking creeper pictures.

I always find skinny guy-fat girl couples intriguing. If there's a fat guy-skinny girl couple I just assume that the guy has a high income. But for some reason I don't assume the opposite when it's a SGFG combo. I hope that's not sexist.

Baby Lee
11-05-2011, 05:49 PM
DUDE! Pics? What the hell!

Do it for Omaha!!

bevischief
11-05-2011, 07:50 PM
I'm in rural Wisconsin waiting for a tow truck. The good news is that the motel guy is letting me wait in the lobby. The interesting news is that there's a really skinny guy with his really obese girlfriend in the pool, and he's riding her like she's a manatee. I have no idea why this is happening.

Where at? Pics?

bevischief
11-05-2011, 07:51 PM
I kept pondering, but it would've been pretty obvious what I'm doing, and this woman could take me down like a grizzly bear on a rabbit. I'm not as good as gif_horse at taking creeper pictures.

I always find skinny guy-fat girl couples intriguing. If there's a fat guy-skinny girl couple I just assume that the guy has a high income. But for some reason I don't assume the opposite when it's a SGFG combo. I hope that's not sexist.

I have noticed that and wondered what the hell?

Pants
11-05-2011, 07:53 PM
I have noticed that and wondered what the hell?

Some guys are really attracted to bigger women.

bevischief
11-05-2011, 07:55 PM
Some guys are really attracted to bigger women.

Must be mommy issues...

Buck
11-05-2011, 07:55 PM
Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...

http://i.imgur.com/6Uv1d.jpg

That girl has trollface syndrome (mandibular prognathism).

Buck
11-05-2011, 07:56 PM
I kept pondering, but it would've been pretty obvious what I'm doing, and this woman could take me down like a grizzly bear on a rabbit. I'm not as good as gif_horse at taking creeper pictures.

I always find skinny guy-fat girl couples intriguing. If there's a fat guy-skinny girl couple I just assume that the guy has a high income. But for some reason I don't assume the opposite when it's a SGFG combo. I hope that's not sexist.

Every relationship I've ever had has been Skinny girl - fat guy....and I have no money.

bevischief
11-05-2011, 07:57 PM
Every relationship I've ever had has been Skinny girl - fat guy....and I have no money.

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

bevischief
11-05-2011, 08:07 PM
So did the fat girl sit on you?

bevischief
11-06-2011, 06:40 AM
Are you still alive?

Earthling
11-06-2011, 09:02 AM
I'm in rural Wisconsin waiting for a tow truck. The good news is that the motel guy is letting me wait in the lobby. The interesting news is that there's a really skinny guy with his really obese girlfriend in the pool, and he's riding her like she's a manatee. I have no idea why this is happening.

Check to see if all the motel guests have the same birthday. If they do then get the hell out as quick as possible.

Rain Man
02-22-2012, 03:45 PM
That girl has trollface syndrome (mandibular prognathism).

If that's what you get with mandibular prognathism, then I like mandibular prognathism a lot.


And I hope that someone eventually straightened up that picture in the background. It's really bothering me.

Rain Man
02-22-2012, 03:50 PM
I was walking to work today, and walked by a bus stop. This bus stop is about a 15-minute walk to the downtown area, and 99 percent of the people in the morning are going to the downtown work area.

There was a relatively young and healthy-looking woman sitting on the bench, and she was on the phone. As I walked by, it was apparent that she was talking to the bus district, and she was chewing them out. She was talking about how long she had waited and that she was going to be late for work and was asking about how she could file a complaint. "This is ridiculous," she said at one point.

Granted, there's a 1 percent chance that she was going past downtown, and maybe there's a chance that she had some non-visible disability, but the odds are that she was waiting and getting frustrated for a bus to take her to a place that's a 15-minute walk. If she waited more than 15 minutes, she could have just walked.

I really don't understand all the people taking the bus along my walking route. I'm willing to bet that some of them stand and wait for the bus longer than it would take them to walk.

tooge
02-22-2012, 03:53 PM
I was getting a salad and saw a guy with grease on his forehead

Rain Man
07-05-2012, 12:51 AM
I had a hankering for a Pepsi, so I walked the 1.25 blocks to the store to buy one. I was wearing a Chiefsplanet shirt. When I hit the stop light, a very attractive young woman was starting to roll her window down.

I figured she was most likely ignoring me and just planning to throw a candy wrapper or cigarette butt out into the street. If not that, I figured maybe she was planning to spit on me, since her attractive status placed her higher on the social scale than me even if she was 20 years younger.

But neither of those happened. Instead, she looked at me, smiled, and yelled, "Go Chiefs!" She then rolled the window back up and departed the scene.

It was heartwarming and affirming.

Count Alex's Losses
07-05-2012, 01:01 AM
I love this thread.

It's summer, so the pool in front of my gym is populated with many scantily clad teenagers, who are all of legal age. The pool is directly in front of the windows of the gym, which I stand about 10 feet away from.

I enjoy working out in the summer months. It's heartwarming. And affirming.

Lumpy
07-05-2012, 01:30 AM
http://i.imgur.com/TR3H5.jpg



Watcha reading there? Looks like a ghey romance novel...

It looks like Mr. Clay was reading an excerpt from a fantasy novel...
"The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss

““The trouble is, when you gift a girl with flowers your choice can be construed so many different ways. A man might give you a rose because he feels you are beautiful, or because he fancies their shade or shape or softness similar to your lips. Roses are expensive, and perhaps he wishes to show through a valuable gift that you are valuable to him.”
“You make a good case for roses,” she said. “The fact remains I do not like them. Pick another flower to suit me.”

“But what suits? When a man gives you a rose what you see may not be what he intends. You may think he sees you as delicate or frail. Perhaps you dislike a suitor who considers you all sweet and nothing else. Perhaps the stem is thorned, and you assume he thinks you likely to hurt a hand too quick to touch. But if he trims the thorns you might think he has no liking for a thing that can defend itself with sharpness. There’s so many ways a thing can be interpreted,” I said. “What is a careful man to do?””

LMAO Busted!

Count Alex's Losses
07-05-2012, 01:35 AM
Why would I be embarrassed by such a thing? I am proud of my geek status.

Lumpy
07-05-2012, 01:45 AM
Why would I be embarrassed by such a thing? I am proud of my geek status.

I was only poking fun. I find it interesting that you were reading something that's intellectually stimulating.

Chocolate Hog
07-05-2012, 01:49 AM
Tonight I was at the bar and a chick kept spread her legs open despite wearing a skirt so her pink panties were exposed. She also talked about the cellulite on her leg and mentioned how she has an ex boyfriend.

After watching her drunken behavior I came to the conclusion that she was DTF and likely had a STD.

Count Alex's Losses
07-05-2012, 01:55 AM
I was only poking fun. I find it interesting that you were reading something that's intellectually stimulating.

:rolleyes:

I've been a geek since I was 10. That's not surprising at all. While other dudes were trying to get laid I was reading Tolkien and Crichton.

pr_capone
07-05-2012, 02:00 AM
:rolleyes:

I've been a geek since I was 10. That's not surprising at all. While other dudes were trying to get laid I was reading Tolkien and Crichton.

Never could get into Crichton. All about Tolkien though. From the ages of 13-18 I must have read the 4 books no less than 25 times.

Inspector
07-05-2012, 10:13 AM
Saw something very weird this morning. Just as I turned and looked out the window in my bathroom, I see this guy, who badly needed a shave and have his hair combed, was right up at the window looking back at me.

Then I realized I was turned around and was looking in my bathroom mirror.

Was still really weird though.

frankotank
07-05-2012, 01:28 PM
OK…this is kinda long….but I swear every word is true.
This happened a few years ago. Reading this thread reminded me of this incident.

Went to lunch with a friend (we’ll call him Dave….because his name is….Dave). Ended up at a Churchs’s chicken joint in KC. I was already somewhat apprehensive upon seeing the windows of the door have been boarded up. We get in line behind a black lady. She’s gotta be every bit of 6’ 6”, no joke. Big ole afro too made her look 6’ 9”. She lets us go ahead of her. We order. Made the mistake of getting a large drink. They set my food and a gallon of coke on my tray. I turn to walk away and almost bump into the amazon who is directly behind me. As I’m about to say sorry and step around I look up into her face and she makes the unmistakable facial contortion/burping action that indicates she’s gonna barf. I JERK my tray to the right and sidestep. The gallon of coke slides all the way from the left side of the tray to the right and stops….disaster averted, quick as a cat! The amazon turns to me and daintily puts her index finger to her lips and says…..”Oh my damn!”. (this phrase has now become a part of my daily lexicon)

Dave is still at the counter and is oblivious to this happening. I go sit down wondering…..did she really almost puke on me?! Dave comes and sits down (I’m facing the counter he’s facing the street) and I tell him what just happened. He’s laughing about it when I see the amazon turn and run down the hallway and throw open the bathroom door. Immediately retching sounds emanate from said bathroom, door still hanging open. A black gentleman sitting in the booth across from us freezes with a chicken leg half way to his mouth. He sits there listening for maybe 5 seconds……then stands up, throws his chicken leg onto his plate and SCREAMS……. “JUS LIKE THAT?! ALL LOUD LIKE THAT?! WIF THE MUTHA****ING DO OPEN?!”

By this time me and Dave are pretty much dying laughing. We’re sitting there still chuckling when the amazon makes her way from the bathroom back to the counter. We watch her as she proceeds to order a bunch of food. She again daintily put here finger to her lips and was like...."Yeah um um er uh, gimme some a them mashed taters and um er uh"....etc This just cracked us up even more. I mean, hey, her stomach was most certainly empty. Why wouldn’t she be hungry? So she orders her food and leaves the premises. This has already been one bizarre and funny lunch outing…..but wait! There’s more!

There are maybe 10 people still sitting in the restaurant. Dave and myself happened to be the only caucasions….not that there’s anything wrong with that….. It starts to rain, I mean it starts to POUR. Just a gully washer. We’re sitting there eating and the door opens and you just hear all that rain pounding….sssshhhhhhhh. This black guy walks in just dripping wet. He makes a line straight for me and Dave. He walks past everyone else in the restaurant and comes right up to our table and leans right down into our faces. Red red eyes….so very red. We are stunned and very still and after a few seconds he puts his fingers to his mouth in a smoking gesture and says…..”Hey man, either of you dudes got a smoke?”. We both cautiously say no. He turns and again bypasses everyone else in the restaurant and opens the door…..ssshhhhhhhhh….and he’s gone.
We sat there and laughed like frigging lunatics. We’re like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!?

I don’t go to Church’s anymore…..

KC Tattoo
07-05-2012, 03:36 PM
OK…this is kinda long….but I swear every word is true.
This happened a few years ago. Reading this thread reminded me of this incident.

Went to lunch with a friend (we’ll call him Dave….because his name is….Dave). Ended up at a Churchs’s chicken joint in KC. I was already somewhat apprehensive upon seeing the windows of the door have been boarded up. We get in line behind a black lady. She’s gotta be every bit of 6’ 6”, no joke. Big ole afro too made her look 6’ 9”. She lets us go ahead of her. We order. Made the mistake of getting a large drink. They set my food and a gallon of coke on my tray. I turn to walk away and almost bump into the amazon who is directly behind me. As I’m about to say sorry and step around I look up into her face and she makes the unmistakable facial contortion/burping action that indicates she’s gonna barf. I JERK my tray to the right and sidestep. The gallon of coke slides all the way from the left side of the tray to the right and stops….disaster averted, quick as a cat! The amazon turns to me and daintily puts her index finger to her lips and says…..”Oh my damn!”. (this phrase has now become a part of my daily lexicon)

Dave is still at the counter and is oblivious to this happening. I go sit down wondering…..did she really almost puke on me?! Dave comes and sits down (I’m facing the counter he’s facing the street) and I tell him what just happened. He’s laughing about it when I see the amazon turn and run down the hallway and throw open the bathroom door. Immediately retching sounds emanate from said bathroom, door still hanging open. A black gentleman sitting in the booth across from us freezes with a chicken leg half way to his mouth. He sits there listening for maybe 5 seconds……then stands up, throws his chicken leg onto his plate and SCREAMS……. “JUS LIKE THAT?! ALL LOUD LIKE THAT?! WIF THE MUTHA****ING DO OPEN?!”

By this time me and Dave are pretty much dying laughing. We’re sitting there still chuckling when the amazon makes her way from the bathroom back to the counter. We watch her as she proceeds to order a bunch of food. She again daintily put here finger to her lips and was like...."Yeah um um er uh, gimme some a them mashed taters and um er uh"....etc This just cracked us up even more. I mean, hey, her stomach was most certainly empty. Why wouldn’t she be hungry? So she orders her food and leaves the premises. This has already been one bizarre and funny lunch outing…..but wait! There’s more!

There are maybe 10 people still sitting in the restaurant. Dave and myself happened to be the only caucasions….not that there’s anything wrong with that….. It starts to rain, I mean it starts to POUR. Just a gully washer. We’re sitting there eating and the door opens and you just hear all that rain pounding….sssshhhhhhhh. This black guy walks in just dripping wet. He makes a line straight for me and Dave. He walks past everyone else in the restaurant and comes right up to our table and leans right down into our faces. Red red eyes….so very red. We are stunned and very still and after a few seconds he puts his fingers to his mouth in a smoking gesture and says…..”Hey man, either of you dudes got a smoke?”. We both cautiously say no. He turns and again bypasses everyone else in the restaurant and opens the door…..ssshhhhhhhhh….and he’s gone.
We sat there and laughed like frigging lunatics. We’re like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!?

I don’t go to Church’s anymore…..


Oly chit. That is a cool story bro. ROFL

frankotank
07-06-2012, 09:25 AM
Oly chit. That is a cool story bro. ROFL

yeah it was pretty damn surreal!
we decided that'll be a great scene in a movie of our life. I think we'll call it...

OH....MY....DAMN!

Iowanian
07-10-2012, 06:08 PM
So.
Sunday, I'm at the local grocery store. I'm in a town smaller than some high schools, and worked in this store in HS. In this town, I graduated with less than 40 people, so I could probably tell you most of their shoe sizes within 1.

I'm talking to a guy I know and this old dirthead guy turns around and says "who the hell are you?", which kind of miffs me a little bit and I respond "Who the hell are YOU??"
He replies, "well, you look like Iowanian".
"You're close, but I still don't know who you are"
"You should...we graduated together".

I'm flabbergasted...This guy looks 60, a hard, trailer park 60. bald, no teeth, sunken face.
"Person's name?"
"Yeah"
"God Damn, You have got to start taking care of yourself, you have cancer or something"
"Bullshit excuse(inserted instead of 20 year meth habit and comment about case of cheap malt liquor currently being purchased"

He goes on to drone about his medical misfortunes to which I pretty much dismiss them because I know they're due to his personal life choices.

We exchanged smartass retorts, he says he'll probably die, and I agreed he would some day, same as everyone, but reminded him it wasn't a race.



In short, we're not even 40. I was completely flabbergasted that someone my age was completely unrecognizable. I couldn't have identified this guy for $1mil.

cabletech94
07-10-2012, 08:07 PM
So.
Sunday, I'm at the local grocery store. I'm in a town smaller than some high schools, and worked in this store in HS. In this town, I graduated with less than 40 people, so I could probably tell you most of their shoe sizes within 1.

I'm talking to a guy I know and this old dirthead guy turns around and says "who the hell are you?", which kind of miffs me a little bit and I respond "Who the hell are YOU??"
He replies, "well, you look like Iowanian".
"You're close, but I still don't know who you are"
"You should...we graduated together".

I'm flabbergasted...This guy looks 60, a hard, trailer park 60. bald, no teeth, sunken face.
"Person's name?"
"Yeah"
"God Damn, You have got to start taking care of yourself, you have cancer or something"
"Bullshit excuse(inserted instead of 20 year meth habit and comment about case of cheap malt liquor currently being purchased"

He goes on to drone about his medical misfortunes to which I pretty much dismiss them because I know they're due to his personal life choices.

We exchanged smartass retorts, he says he'll probably die, and I agreed he would some day, same as everyone, but reminded him it wasn't a race.



In short, we're not even 40. I was completely flabbergasted that someone my age was completely unrecognizable. I couldn't have identified this guy for $1mil.

oh my damn.

cool story, bro.ROFL


p.s. i actually use your duct tape line often, so yup, i'm a plageriser.

Rain Man
08-02-2012, 11:43 PM
I like to be openminded, and must say that the cashier at my grocery store is pretty cute. I call her "Ms. Rotten Casket" because that's what the tattoo on her arm says. She's always changing her hair from goth looks to bright pink and other styles, and the less cool cashiers are now following her lead. She has these two holes in her cheeks where she kind of made dimples by poking holes in them, but oddly, it really kind of works. She doesn't seem like a druggie and seems intelligent and nice when I chat with her as she scans my Fancy Feast and Dr. Pepper and watermelon. While I'm happily married and we probably wouldn't be a long term match anyway, she's kind of fetching against all of my normal biases.

Sofa King
08-03-2012, 08:35 AM
I like to be openminded, and must say that the cashier at my grocery store is pretty cute. I call her "Ms. Rotten Casket" because that's what the tattoo on her arm says. She's always changing her hair from goth looks to bright pink and other styles, and the less cool cashiers are now following her lead. She has these two holes in her cheeks where she kind of made dimples by poking holes in them, but oddly, it really kind of works. She doesn't seem like a druggie and seems intelligent and nice when I chat with her as she scans my Fancy Feast and Dr. Pepper and watermelon. While I'm happily married and we probably wouldn't be a long term match anyway, she's kind of fetching against all of my normal biases.

I'm telling your wife.

Donger
08-03-2012, 08:43 AM
I was at King Soopers recently and I noticed three ladies looking at dairy products, conveniently located in the dairy section, which is kept chilled. I noticed that all three had their arms crossed across their breasts. Ladies, we WANT to see your erect nipples, so for future reference, uncross your arms and allow nature to take her course. Thanks.

KC Tattoo
08-03-2012, 08:51 AM
I was at King Soopers recently and I noticed three ladies looking at dairy products, conveniently located in the dairy section, which is kept chilled. I noticed that all three had their arms crossed across their breasts. Ladies, we WANT to see your erect nipples, so for future reference, uncross your arms and allow nature to take her course. Thanks.

http://i1260.photobucket.com/albums/ii574/KCTattoo58/door1-1-1-1-1.jpg

Boise_Chief
08-03-2012, 11:04 AM
So excuse me for punctuation and grammar. I'm typing this with fat fingers on a cell phone. Last night the transfer case went out on my truck just out of Wendell Idaho. We got off to the subway and started looking for a motel. Nope the only thin there is a flophouse available by the month.

We find a campground and sleep in the truck. Not great but we survive. Drive it back to subway atom get it towed and get us picked up. I go in to grab a coffee and a sandwich, I get back to the truck and start eating. My wife says, I think someone took a crap in the middle of the parking lot. Sure enough......

Big pile they wiped with paper towels. WTF not off in a corner but under a big light almost exactly in the center of the lot. I'd post a pic but it won't let me from my phone.

Rain Man
08-03-2012, 11:28 AM
So excuse me for punctuation and grammar. I'm typing this with fat fingers on a cell phone. Last night the transfer case went out on my truck just out of Wendell Idaho. We got off to the subway and started looking for a motel. Nope the only thin there is a flophouse available by the month.

We find a campground and sleep in the truck. Not great but we survive. Drive it back to subway atom get it towed and get us picked up. I go in to grab a coffee and a sandwich, I get back to the truck and start eating. My wife says, I think someone took a crap in the middle of the parking lot. Sure enough......

Big pile they wiped with paper towels. WTF not off in a corner but under a big light almost exactly in the center of the lot. I'd post a pic but it won't let me from my phone.


This is why I don't eat at Subway.

suds79
08-03-2012, 12:08 PM
This happened last summer and I feel it's a good public service announcement.

At this place called "Suken Gardens" here in Lincoln. Nice botanical garden place. See joggers stop by with their dog to get a drink. Nothing strange about that right? They then proceed to lift the dog up so that it lick all over the drinking fountain.

:cuss: %(/

Thanks you inconsiderate #&*%@. Now everybody else who wants a drink has to share it with your shaggy dog who was probably licking his own @$$ two minutes earlier. And don't give me some "Dogs mouths are cleaner than a humans." BS. Great. Then you share a toothbrush with your dog on your own time. Don't make that decision for the rest of us.

Simple solution? If you're concerned about your dog getting water on a jog, then bring a bottle.

Rain Man
08-06-2012, 09:14 PM
I walked two blocks to the store, carrying two ecologically sound grocery bags.

I bought 18 items, including a half-gallon of milk, a half-gallon of cherry juice, a pound of butter, several cans of cat food, cereal, a four-pack of toilet paper, and some other stuff.

The bag boy took my two bags. He put the toilet paper in one bag, and put the other 17 items in the other bag. Seriously, dude?

crazycoffey
08-06-2012, 09:16 PM
I walked two blocks to the store, carrying two ecologically sound grocery bags.

I bought 18 items, including a half-gallon of milk, a half-gallon of cherry juice, a pound of butter, several cans of cat food, cereal, a four-pack of toilet paper, and some other stuff.

The bag boy took my two bags. He put the toilet paper in one bag, and put the other 17 items in the other bag. Seriously, dude?


I don't know, can't you just be happy that goatboy got a new job?

Rain Man
08-30-2012, 10:39 AM
My humbling event of the day occurred early. I was walking to work, and down the sidewalk comes a youngish woman (25ish, blonde) with her Boston terrier (black and white, slightly bugeyed).

The dog yips at me and makes a half-hearted charge. I feign mild terror as part of my general policy to make dogs feel good about themselves. I smile knowingly at the young woman, and she says, "He thought you were my dad."

Damn you, young blonde woman! Damn you! I mean, I know it's possible, but ... damn you!

Iowanian
08-30-2012, 10:44 AM
Last friday night, I had my family at a local High school football game.

I was holding my 2yr old talking with some people I know when one of the wives asked me "how old is your grandson". Brideowanian was standing there gasping because she surely doesn't look to be grandmother age, and I'm holding up pretty well for my age as well........maybe it's sad that so many people under 40 ARE grandparents that it was probably a valid assumption.

Sofa King
08-30-2012, 10:46 AM
Last friday night, I had my family at a local High school football game.

I was holding my 2yr old talking with some people I know when one of the wives asked me "how old is your grandson". Brideowanian was standing there gasping because she surely doesn't look to be grandmother age, and I'm holding up pretty well for my age as well........maybe it's sad that so many people under 40 ARE grandparents that it was probably a valid assumption.

Wow. You must look like hell and you clearly don't realize it.

Rain Man
08-30-2012, 10:47 AM
Last friday night, I had my family at a local High school football game.

I was holding my 2yr old talking with some people I know when one of the wives asked me "how old is your grandson". Brideowanian was standing there gasping because she surely doesn't look to be grandmother age, and I'm holding up pretty well for my age as well........maybe it's sad that so many people under 40 ARE grandparents that it was probably a valid assumption.

People don't realize how much words can hurt men. Especially when those words imply that they're old. And when women say them.

patteeu
08-30-2012, 10:51 AM
People don't realize how much words can hurt men. Especially when those words imply that they're old. And when women say them.

I'm not a woman, but if it helps, you still seem young to me.

Rain Man
08-30-2012, 10:53 AM
I'm not a woman, but if it helps, you still seem young to me.

I think both of us look like we're in our late twenties. Why do people keep thinking I'm older?