View Full Version : Top 10 Renovations Required on Pennsylvania Avenue before January.

12-13-2000, 09:38 PM
10. Remove "Bubba's Fish and Ribs" from the speed dial in the Oval Office.

9. Return Ming Dynasty Vases graciously donated by the Chinese Communist Party.

8. Remove "Bra Cup Size" from the intern applications.

7. Remove the two double beds and replace them with a King Size one in the Presidential Bedroom.

6. Remind Janet Reno not to make anymore obscene phone calls in jest, Hillary will no longer be answering.

5. Pack up the Mason Jars in the Presidential Glass Cabinet.

4. Memo created to remind willy to look for any leftover F.B.I. documents accidently left behind.

3. Eat all the moon pies before the Bush's come over to inspect the place.

2. Duct tape hole in Presidential Chair.

1. Place a picture of willy smiling in the top drawer with the caption "I beat your daddy!"

12-13-2000, 10:35 PM
How about :
Remove signs for parking spaces for attorney general and senate majority leader, and replace with signs for Exxon CEO and Charleton Heston.

[This message has been edited by Mi_chief_fan (edited 12-13-2000).]

12-13-2000, 10:36 PM
How about replacing that limo the prez rides in for a good 'ol Texas horse drawn carriage.

12-13-2000, 10:38 PM
Memo from Bill, Hillary likes the color in the Lincoln room, so don't change it.

12-13-2000, 10:39 PM
Remove "War and Peace" from the Presidential library, and replace with hooked on phonics.

12-13-2000, 10:43 PM
In keeping with the family tree, make sure to carry motion sickness bags whenever meeting with foreign dignitaries.

12-13-2000, 10:45 PM
Be sure to buy those already promised drinks for justices Rehnquist, O'Connor, Scalia, Kennedy and Thomas.

12-13-2000, 10:46 PM
Schedule wife for an emergency makeover/plastic surgery.

12-13-2000, 10:47 PM
Second memo from Bill..You know you're famous when someone gives you ****, and they become famous.

Courtesy of D. Chapelle

12-13-2000, 10:47 PM
LOL Mi chiefs fan!!


12-13-2000, 10:47 PM
Remove mothers' face from $1 bill.

12-13-2000, 10:47 PM
Ask Hillary for a surgeon referral....

12-13-2000, 10:49 PM
Don' EVER use the words "Read my lips!" in direct succession.

12-13-2000, 10:50 PM
Get a big pair of bull horns to attach to the nose of Air Force 1.

12-13-2000, 10:52 PM
LOL at #4, that was brilliant.

Memo to White House chefs:
Remove Bill's fast food sporks from the kitchen pantry, and replace with Dubya's extensive collection of silver spoons.


12-13-2000, 10:52 PM
And last but not least, sign a bill that would change the national anthem from "Star Spangled Banner" to "All my exes live in Texas." :)

That's my top 10.

12-13-2000, 10:53 PM
Thanks revolver.

Rick Stephens
12-13-2000, 11:06 PM
Remove the box of Hav-A-Tampa's from the Oval Office !

12-14-2000, 06:24 AM
Cool Joe... You realize that your Texas references are also applicable to Lyndon Buy a Governorship Johnson, probably more so. In fact, you merely need to interchange Supreme Court Justices with Texas Legislature and Law Enforcement names.

12-14-2000, 10:39 AM
Remove the Neon sign reading "Vacancy $10,000 dollars a night", from outside the Lincoln bedroom.

12-14-2000, 10:50 AM
Hey, don't get offended Russ. Some of yours were pretty funny too.

This topic was created for fun, wasn't it? You have to admit, #4 was pretty accurate.

[This message has been edited by Mi_chief_fan (edited 12-14-2000).]

12-14-2000, 10:57 AM
Dubya's To Do List:

1. Fumigate White House
2. Fumigate White House Again
3. Hire Janet Reno as Cleaning Lady...
4. Throw out all the sheets and bedding!
5. Install a Bronco-a-Matic Riding Machine
6. Use a GIANT Magnet and Erase ALL Clinton Databases
7. Never use e-mail
8. Don't ever record phone conversations
9. Don't ever use a cell phone
10.Never call the FSC for advice
11.Give James Baker a Harley
12.Give Warren Christopher a Tricycle
13.Listen to Colin Powell always
14.Don't be partisan, no matter what Tom Delay wants...
15.Be compassionate and avoid the Washington socialites...<BR>

Lightning Rod
12-14-2000, 11:04 AM
Too funny LMAO nice work guys.

12-14-2000, 12:29 PM

Good job dude... very funny!

Clint in Wichita
12-14-2000, 12:59 PM
Replace the words "Men's" and "Women's" on public restroom doors with small silhouettes.

12-14-2000, 01:43 PM

don't you mean, "now the women's rest room guard can be re-assigned"...now that slick-willie doesn't have to be guarded for sexual harrassment and assaults....

1. Open windows to get smell of beef jerky and big macs out of oval office.

2. Fire Bill's mercenary plane wreck technician.

3. take China off of speed dial...under campaign fund directory

3. Remove Cigar box from desk drawer.

4. lysol desk, to remove any remaining "monica funk" and "bill butter"

5. Cut down tree on whitehouse lawn to make point to treehugger special interest groups..preferably one with a family of squirrels in it, to cover PETA at the same time.

6. remove Hillary and Janets "love lair" from the basement.

7. Replace limo 1 with a Ford F350 4door. Or JD HOGGS Cadillac from Dukes of Hazard.

8. Buy Large printer to create Tax relief notification letters

9. I agree with putting 1 large bed back into the presidential suite.

10. Make Feb 1, 01 national "Elvis Grbac wins a Playoff Game" day.

8. I like the idea about horns on AF1

12-14-2000, 02:07 PM
Free James Carville, Raum Emmanuelle, and Paul Begalia from White House "Attack Dog" pen.

Baby Lee
12-14-2000, 02:23 PM
With Clinton remaining so popular, I think Dubya should bottle the Bill butter and sell it to pay down the debt.

[This message has been edited by JC-Johnny (edited 12-14-2000).]

12-14-2000, 02:31 PM
Have dry cleaners on premises so that interns dresses can be washed immediately after "seeing" the prez....

12-14-2000, 02:34 PM

Rather than drive Boss Hogg's Caddy, I would like to see W. drive the General Lee and bail out the window like Bo and Luke.

Which Daughter would be Daisy?

12-14-2000, 02:37 PM
Take the direct phone line to the Secret service hit squad out of the Oval office.

Baby Lee
12-14-2000, 02:53 PM
Bricky - Yeah, I can just see Cheney now, sliding across the hood to pop in the passenger door.

[This message has been edited by JC-Johnny (edited 12-14-2000).]

12-14-2000, 02:57 PM
JC - Cheney would be uncle Jesse, Jeb would be the other cousin in the car. Mrs Harris as a much less attractive Daisy.

12-14-2000, 02:57 PM
George Herbert Walker Bush would be Uncle Jesse, the one that always dispenses advice to Bo and Luke just before a big car chase.

How did those tires squeal on dirt?

12-14-2000, 02:58 PM

I thought of that, but then decided that it would "look" more presidential if he had a driver like boss hog...I'm sure Cheney would have to play luke, sit in the passenger seat, hang on to the "oh $h!!Te" handle and say YEEHAW...Its funny that people wouldn't say this stuff about algore...beins' he from tennessee n all'..Just keep ol' bill away from Dubya's daughters if their dressed like Daisey.

maybe dubya will say "yall come back now, ya hear.." after the state of the union addresses.. :)

btw...you can squeel tires on dirt and gravel roads...not like they did...but I ditched a truck a few years ago, and while hanging over the edge and floored in reverse...the tires did actually whine..

[This message has been edited by Iowanian (edited 12-14-2000).]

12-14-2000, 03:01 PM
Gore would make a perfect Boss Hog, always trying to fix the elections to stay in power. Unfortunitly he looks and acts more like Rosko(sp?).

12-14-2000, 03:05 PM
Gore = Rosko

ROFLMAO http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

12-14-2000, 03:05 PM
Iowanian, now you are dragging the Beverly Hillbillys into this with the "ya all come back now, ya here".

It that scenario, I suppose that Greenspan would be Mr. Drysdale.

Who would be Olive Oil...I mean Miss Jane?

12-14-2000, 03:07 PM
janet reno... :)
at least as ugly as miss jane..

I'm wondering what I can do to help the Ellie May "adjust to her new position on the cabinent" :D

Waylon Jennings used to say that at the end of the show for the Dukes too didn't he?

Baby Lee
12-14-2000, 03:08 PM
Speaking of 'The Dukes,' is Cooter still on the hill?

Archie F. Swin
12-14-2000, 03:17 PM
Appoint Katherine Harris Ambassador to Chad

. . . ok I know . . . youve heard it 10 times by now . . .<P>

12-14-2000, 03:18 PM
Don't remember if Jennings said that or not. The White house does have a "cement pond" though.

And lots of room for Ellie's critters.

12-14-2000, 03:40 PM
I wonder if W. will pull up the carpets, install a checker board on a cracker barrel, have the hardwood floors redone and allow peanut shells on the oval office floor?

I'd feel welcome in an office like that, and I'm sure world dignitaries would feel the warmth as well http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif

12-14-2000, 03:53 PM
Also put in a pot bellied stove to sit around and discuss world affairs. The chairs would need to be an assortment of crates and a couple of beat up rocking chairs.

Gotta love salted-in-the-shell peanuts

12-14-2000, 04:04 PM
Who's Ennis? Lieberman or Quayle?<BR>

12-14-2000, 05:11 PM
Joe - No offense was taken. Actually, I liked quite a few of your comments. I actually put the #1 reason up for all you Gore Supporters anyway.

12-14-2000, 06:37 PM
I'm glad you weren't offended. I just couldn't resist.

Glad you liked those. Somebody should submit these to Letterman.

12-14-2000, 07:59 PM
Fly - Leiberman, he played a conservitive democrat role when in congress, but when around Rosko he acted different and did what Rosko told him to do.

12-14-2000, 08:01 PM

[This message has been edited by Cannibal (edited 12-14-2000).]

12-15-2000, 11:59 AM
Wolfman, that is hilarious!

corn balls 28