View Full Version : Final All -Idiot Roster

Mark M
12-21-2000, 02:15 PM
This is the finalized roster. At least until Bwana decides to shoot--er--cut---er--put on "waivers" those who he feels are not performing. We have finalized our coaching staff, and our uniforms are currently under development (except for mlyonsd, who already has his helmet.) The players college and key statistic follows their name.

If any of you are offended, I'm sure you'll get over it! :p

This will be in four parts:

Team owner: Mi_chief_fan Daniel Snyder School of Team Ownership; has assembled the most potent team of morons since the ‘92 Jets.
GM:Bwana: Stalin School of Negotiating; Named "Best Dressed" by PimpWeekly.

Coaching staff:
Head Coach: Denzel Washington: PhD, School of Total Stud Actors; Found a way to motivate players no matter what race, political affiliation or creed.
OC/DC: Darrel and Darrel’s brother Darrel: Packfan Skool of Nowlege; Proved that one should never underestimate the power of inbreeding.
ST Coach: Otter: Stock University; Holds record for most men left uncovered and unblocked on one play: 11.

[This message has been edited by Mark M (edited 12-21-2000).]

Mark M
12-21-2000, 02:17 PM
QB: Mark M: Skinny A$$ State; Missed senior year due to injury—tore ACL when he was blown into the stands by a 10 mph "gust."
FB: Bob Dole: Congressional Community College; 21 carries, 19 yards, O touchdowns, 1 impalement with pen that is prepetually clutched in right hand.
HB: Luz: Ware R. University; Once missed a game because he didn’t think half-back was a real position.
HB: H_C Chief: Hill College; Junior year stats: 9 games, 10 carries, 1,200 yards, 1 coach’s girlfriend.
HB: Lumpoc Brave Southern Cal; Wore condoms on his uniform freshman year believing that Trojan was the team mascot.
WR: KPhobia: San Francisco University; Named to the school’s "All-Time Receivers" list in 1993..."All-Time Givers" list in 1995.
WR: JOhn: UMSL (University of Missouri for Slow Learners); Caught 25 passes and 32 colds his senior season.
WR: coryt: Howe R. University; Unlike JOhn, wasn’t able to catch anything other than a cold.
OT: Titus: Raytown South High School; Went directly to pros due to Ray South’s superior ability to mold felons—er—I mean upstanding football professionals.
OT Wolfman: Transylvania College; Flagged for holding defensmen 32 times...cheerleaders twice.
OG: Russ: Bliss University; Pulled more times his senior year than a 13 year old’s groin.
OG: bishop74: L.S.D. (Louisiana State Diocese); Set record for "tripping" penalties…but only once during a game.
Center: Cameron Diaz: Blewe University; Her knowledge of hair care products made her invaluable to her team...and to this one.
TE: dawsonpa: Pennsylvania School for Teachers; Her end was ranked #1 by SI.
TE: Mark Kilgore: B.J.U.; Transferred from SFU because his end wasn’t tight enough.
PK: Dartgod: Elliot State; Set new record for FG percentage at .0000000000001%.<BR>

Mark M
12-21-2000, 02:19 PM
PR/KR: mlyonsd: Lockett A&M; Perfected the "Catch with Your Helmet" technique his rookie year.
LB: Chief Priority: M. Chambers College; Lightning quick linebacker has the ability to fill more holes than Ron Jeremy.
LB: Chief Red Pants: College of Liberal Theology; 20 career Republican sacks.
DT: The Fly: Wall College; Named MVP of the opponents offense...a.k.a. "Mr. 1st and Five."
DT: 58forever: F.U.; Once went three straight plays without jumping offsides.
DT: Logical: University of Vulcan; Has made 52 intelligent posts in a row...still a record.
DE: gaz: Kansas State University; Forced 12 fumbles of logic by Packfan on one thread...also still a record.
DE: stevieray: Vaughan University; Has given out more hits in his career than htismaque’s bong.
RCB: htismaque: Stoner State; During sophomore year, refused to play on anything but grass.
LCB: Disco Jones: Soul Train Academy; Still recovering from well-publicized injury while doing the Electric Slide.
SS: WisChief: College of the Tundra; Had 67 tackles last year... three on opposing players and 64 on annoying Packer’s fans..
FS: Iowanian University of HardKnocks; Once, when seeing the wide-eyed look on an opponents face, shot said opponent thinking that it was deer season.
Punter: Mi_chief_fan: (see above).<BR>

Mark M
12-21-2000, 02:19 PM
On the Bench:
1st in the game: ROYC75: University of Pine; Four year starter on the "All-Bench" team.
2nd in the game: morphius: Mullet A&I; This "Sampson of Sundays" was originally a split end, but was conditioned to be the backup.

Off-the-field personnel:
Waterboy: alanm: CMSU (Call Me Stupid University); "Accidentally" replaced water with vodka. Was then named the team’s MVP.
PR Man: RCG Chief: Gretz College; Once quoted as saying "These idiots—um--I mean scholar athletes are the worst—er--I mean the cream of the crap—oops--I mean crop. We will win the Super Bowl in four years. Wait—make that 12 years to get there. If not, we’ll give it five more years. Either way, we have led and will continue to lead the league in attendance. No matter whether or not we’ve won a playoff game, we still have the third best record since 1990…" This diatribe continued for another hour or so.
Masseuse: Smltheppl: Springfield School of Aroma Therapy; 30 rub-downs and 12 "rub-ups" in an hour still a professional record.
Youngin': raiderhader: Kansas State University; Transferred to Manhattan after his high school team was beaten by the Wildcats 84-3.
Legal counsel: AZ Chief: Johnny Cochran School of Law; Famous for his line: "If the boys can’t run, give Bwana the gun."
Media Guide Manager: Misplaced Chiefs Fan: Packfan Skool of Nowlege; Managed to find a way to print that day’s guide with the attendance from that day’s game.
Designated Smart Slapper: bkkcoh: Harvard Divinity School; This former roomate of the soon-to-be former vice president took his cues from Mr. Gore: no matter how stupid something we say sounds, just go with it and call it truth.
Executive in Charge of Player Fines: Clint in Wichita: Wichita State; Fined WSU’s entire athletic department for keeping such a ridiculous mascot.
Know it All: Packfan: A$$hole Academy of Intellect; Was named by SI and all 31 NFL team’s media guides as the most intelligent and loyal fan in America. <BR>

12-21-2000, 02:21 PM
You forgot the Waterboy. You gonna make Bobby mad!! http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/mad.gif

12-21-2000, 02:24 PM
My Bad http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

12-21-2000, 02:25 PM
So when does my pension kick in?

12-21-2000, 02:28 PM
This is FINAL, right? We don't have to wait on Ken's approval ?

Great to know that I made the team on post and not my football acomplishments! Not bragg'n..but once made 2 tackles on the same play,then recovered the fumble ! Strange play on a strange night!

[This message has been edited by ROYC75 (edited 12-21-2000).]

12-21-2000, 02:35 PM
Just what exactly do I do? Oh, and thanks Mark for having me come from KSU. You took a cheap shot, but I'm not complaining because I got what I wanted. :)

liberalism is racists, and bigoted - towards all humans

corn balls 28

12-21-2000, 02:42 PM
Mark M,

Kudos on a job well done :)

where does he get the time???...

12-21-2000, 02:43 PM
Choreographer: Annabelle

<p align="center"><img border="0" src="http://www.symetrex.com/annabelle.jpg"></p>

[This message has been edited by TheFly (edited 12-21-2000).]

12-21-2000, 02:43 PM
Mark, great job, but you have entirely too much time on your hands dude... :D

Have the contract negotiaions been finalized?...I need my Chiefettes and my ribs....NOW!!!!!


"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

12-21-2000, 02:45 PM
Alright! Since I'm sporting a healthy 120 y/p/c average, I should see about 35 carries... per season! Shweet! http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

12-21-2000, 02:45 PM
<p align="center"><img border="0" src="http://www.symetrex.com/cheerleaders.jpg"></p>

Here's your Chiefettes...

12-21-2000, 02:48 PM
The line-up is too funny :)<BR>

Baby Lee
12-21-2000, 03:07 PM
no no no mylonsd. On Darrel's brother Darrel gets to worry about his pension.

One more game 'til vesting.

12-21-2000, 03:13 PM
Fly, I shouldv'e know that a cheap *** team like this would only give me a picture... :mad:

Maybe I could have the real Annabelle, please, pretty please, I'll give up my demand for ribs...

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

[This message has been edited by 58Forever (edited 12-21-2000).]

12-21-2000, 03:22 PM
Mark: Great job! LMAO.........

12-21-2000, 03:48 PM
LOL that's great Mark!!

Tribal Warfare
12-21-2000, 03:53 PM
When's our first game? :D

Great Job Mark!

[This message has been edited by ChiefPriority (edited 12-21-2000).]

Tribal Warfare
12-21-2000, 03:56 PM
Fly- I'll get her number. Then take her out on a date, have fun and drink in your honor. ;)

[This message has been edited by ChiefPriority (edited 12-21-2000).]

12-21-2000, 03:56 PM
LMAO - Funny!!! Nice job Mark!

Mark M
12-21-2000, 04:31 PM
Boy...I'm only gone two hours and look what happens!

Would any of you believe this took about an hour or so? It took up my lunch break, but glad to see you all think it's worth it.

You are designated as the "youth movement"...that's why you never get to play (it'a a holdover from the Schottenheimer daze--um--days).

Bwana has final (and I do mean final) say on all personnel moves, but you have my vote for the Chiefettes. Although my wife wants to be my "personal" cheerleader, masseuse, etc. I think I'll have to give that position to her. Just more for everyone else! :) BTW, the "believes in sharing" thing stops at the Mrs. :D

~~Used to be a stand up comedian...seriously. Funnybone, Springfield, MO.<BR>

12-21-2000, 04:35 PM
Mark M - Like I said yesterday, Solid Gold Baby! He77a groovy!

Annabelle....How she doin'?

htis - with the looks of these "cheerleaders" maybe Darrel will let us run our Twilight Zone D. For the "No Parking Zone" scheme, rolls will be reversed. Htis and I will be the only ones in coverage (one will blitz, one cover) while the LBs and DL pick up cheerleaders. Let's hear it D! Annabelle on three...1...2...3...ANNABELLE!

Mark M
12-21-2000, 04:36 PM
And since I can't edit my posts here at home (I really need a new computer),here is the starting officiating crew:

Umpire: Ray Charles (Will still get the coin toss right, however).
Back Judge: Stevie Wonder (No PI calls! Have at it boys!)
Line Judge: Hellen Keller (even dead she's better than Dick Hantek).

I figure that's all we'll need.

~~Believes this is an improvement over most NFL crews.

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
--George W. Bush

12-21-2000, 05:19 PM

This was great. The most fun I've had since jq's "mental impressions" thread.

Thanks for the entertainment.

copying for later enjoyment.

12-21-2000, 08:06 PM
Too darn funny!

Can we Watch Bob Newhart instead of game film and play Bob? you know where you have to take ashot everytime they Say Bob?

I wonder if Ken looks like Bob Newhart?

Mark M
12-22-2000, 10:01 AM
Great ypc average, eh?

Sounds great! I was thinking either Newhart re-runs or The Best of Torre Wells for film study. Any other suggestions?

I have also changed the spelling of "team" to "teim," that way there is finally an "I" in team. (Stole that one from the Man Show, but it is kinda funny).

~~Too involved with this teim. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

12-23-2000, 03:21 PM
Well, since it seems I have no responsibilities to perform, I guess I get to spend all of my time with the cheerleaders! :D This deal is sounding better and better all the time!

liberalism is racist and bigoted - towards all humans

corn balls 28