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bogie
09-18-2006, 07:04 PM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?

runnercyclist
09-18-2006, 07:05 PM
What kind of work do (or don't) you do?

JBucc
09-18-2006, 07:06 PM
Drag the world series trophy behind your car in the parking lot and shout obscenities about your boss through a megaphone. Oh wait that didn't work.

TrickyNicky
09-18-2006, 07:07 PM
Get lit at lunch.

blueballs
09-18-2006, 07:07 PM
surf porn at work

chief52
09-18-2006, 07:08 PM
Get lit at lunch.

You think you would still get a severence package out of that? I know the last guy who did that where I work never got a "package" when he left :)

Bwana
09-18-2006, 07:09 PM
Start talking to yourself.........and answering.

'Hamas' Jenkins
09-18-2006, 07:09 PM
Make it no secret that you are looking for another job. Leave shit all over the place or in plain sight of your boss. They will become convinced that you need to be replaced and will do it so that they aren't caught unawares...

big nasty kcnut
09-18-2006, 07:09 PM
Accidently touch the hottest girl there and then fake not knowing about sexual harassment.

JBucc
09-18-2006, 07:10 PM
**** the bosses wife. Put anti-freeze in the water cooler.

blueballs
09-18-2006, 07:11 PM
gossip about the company

Bwana
09-18-2006, 07:12 PM
Go outside, wait for the boss to dive up, bark like a dog, lift your leg and piss on his tire and or leg.

blueballs
09-18-2006, 07:14 PM
plan a union rally

Iowanian
09-18-2006, 07:14 PM
Ask Tommykat....she's the resident expert on getting canned.

Adept Havelock
09-18-2006, 07:16 PM
Start talking to yourself.........and answering.

ROFL

But only answer in Latin....or Igpay Atinlay.

I'd also recommend asking your boss the same question several times a day, and leave brochures for assorted neurotropic drugs on your desk.

Failing that, adopt a "Ralph Wiggum" personality after having a friend prominently bruise your forehead.

bogie
09-18-2006, 07:16 PM
What kind of work do (or don't) you do?

TV post production management

L.A. Chieffan
09-18-2006, 07:16 PM
tell your bosses boss that you dont do shit all day except sit around and watch him get pissed and fire you. or promote you, either way you win

Sully
09-18-2006, 07:17 PM
Sleep with the cleaning lady.

"Was that wrong? I'm gonna have to claim ignorance on that one."

ChiefFripp
09-18-2006, 07:17 PM
If you're in a white collar type job, just grow your hair long and refuse to cut it(tell them the Def Leppard fanclub you belong in wouldn't approve). If that doesn't work, cut it into a mullet. This may take more time then you'd want, but it's a surefire way to get fired.

If you're in a blue collar job, just drive a Volvo to work with a Green Peace sticker on the bumper. Wearing a different Culture club shirt to work every day may help as well.

Simplex3
09-18-2006, 07:18 PM
I've found that becoming a team/company cancer works nicely, though I usually get bored with trying to get fired and just quit.

JBucc
09-18-2006, 07:19 PM
Don't take a bath for a few weeks and never flush the pot. Claim that it's your way of protesting the war in Iraq.

runnercyclist
09-18-2006, 07:20 PM
Let you hygene habits slip (a lot). Eat lots of beans. Eat oreos and don't brush. Shave only parts of your face. Purposely step in animal shit prior to coming to work. And sit close to people.

4th and Long
09-18-2006, 07:23 PM
TV post production management
Start wearing attire that has the competitor's logo on it. i.e., if you worked for ABC, come to work every day sporting a CBS turtle neck, a FOX hat and an NBC tie.

TinyEvel
09-18-2006, 07:25 PM
Send an all company email like this one below (the only thing that saved me was I had been liked by most of the agency and produced some of the best stuff there)

So, tonight weíll gather at Baja Cantina to bid farewell to Shannon and Amanda, whoíll be going to TBWA/Chiat to work on the Jimmy Deanís sausage account. That Jimmy Dean sure is a lucky guy to have two fine woman like these working on his sausage Ďround the clock.

Working on Jimmy Deanís sausage must be a big responsibility. Letís all hope that Shannon and Amanda can get a firm grip on Jimmy Deanís sausage and work it into that tight, almost impenetrable place in consumersí heads.

Itís no easy task to put Jimmy Deanís sausage on the lips of consumers. What if focus group participants donít like the taste of Jimmy Deanís sausage in their mouth? Jimmy Deanís sausage would be harder than ever, and could Shannon and Amanda handle Jimmy Deanís sausage in a situation like that? I think so. I even believe, firmly, that they will make Jimmy Deanís sausage grow to unprecedented size.

I can see them riding Jimmy Deanís sausage to the top of that agency. And once Jimmy Deanís sausage is satisfied with itís impressive growth and consumers are grabbing Jimmy Deanís sausage wherever they can, I bet Shannon and Amanda will be tapped to tag team once again on one of Chiatís other food accounts, say, Uncle Benís Long Grain.

So join us at Baja Cantina tonight to wish them good luck and give them a spunky send-off!

--Jason

SPchief
09-18-2006, 07:26 PM
Have sex with the bosses daughter.

Skip Towne
09-18-2006, 07:26 PM
Act like Gochiefs.

Otter
09-18-2006, 07:29 PM
Run with it...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=l2ENGnluouc

Bwana
09-18-2006, 07:29 PM
Bring crickets to work and let them go, the next day bring in an assortment of animals (moles, voles, bats, rats, chickens, lizards, etc.) to hunt and eat them claiming you're simply "testing out Darwin's theory."

chief52
09-18-2006, 07:31 PM
Have sex with the bosses daughter.

I know some guys who have used that to move UP in the company...

Bwana
09-18-2006, 07:31 PM
Calmly, gut and then cook fish on a hotplate plugged into your desk. Insert equally foul smelling foods for better effect.

Bwana
09-18-2006, 07:36 PM
A few more for you:

Purchase a bullhorn. Go through your day exactly as you normally would, but anytime you talk, do it through the bullhorn. Particularly on the phone. Repeat until fired.

Stuff as many pairs of socks will fit into your boxers and loudly complain when people stare.

Collect your own crap in jars complete with labels regarding date, duration, and consistency.

Start a "Naked Friday" office trend.

Start calling you boss "Scooter."

Otter
09-18-2006, 07:37 PM
Calmly, gut and then cook fish on a hotplate plugged into your desk. Insert equally foul smelling foods for better effect.

Well if we're going to be barbarous about it simpley show up naked with with some lit bottle rockets and a dildo on your forehead and play tag.

Geez Bwana, show some imagination.

KcMizzou
09-18-2006, 07:39 PM
Well if we're going to be barbarous about it simpley show up naked with with some lit bottle rockets and a dildo on your forehead and play tag.

Geez Bwana, show some imagination.Depending on where you work, that may get you a raise.

blueballs
09-18-2006, 07:40 PM
start a canabalism blog
proudly claiming your profession
and employer

runnercyclist
09-18-2006, 07:40 PM
A few more for you:

Purchase a bullhorn. Go through your day exactly as you normally would, but anytime you talk, do it through the bullhorn. Particularly on the phone. Repeat until fired.

Stuff as many pairs of socks will fit into your boxers and loudly complain when people stare.

Collect your own crap in jars complete with labels regarding date, duration, and consistency.

Start a "Naked Friday" office trend.

Start calling you boss "Scooter."

LOL My bosses nickname is Scooter!

Bill Parcells
09-18-2006, 07:42 PM
Drag the world series trophy behind your car in the parking lot and shout obscenities about your boss through a megaphone. Oh wait that didn't work.
george costanza!!!!

hahaha!!! :)

Adept Havelock
09-18-2006, 07:45 PM
Just end every question you answer with the line:

"In accordance with the ancient prophecies of the Great Old Ones Cthulhu and Ithaqua the Wind-Walker"

bogie
09-18-2006, 07:46 PM
A few more for you:

Purchase a bullhorn. Go through your day exactly as you normally would, but anytime you talk, do it through the bullhorn. Particularly on the phone. Repeat until fired.

Stuff as many pairs of socks will fit into your boxers and loudly complain when people stare.

Collect your own crap in jars complete with labels regarding date, duration, and consistency.

Start a "Naked Friday" office trend.

Start calling you boss "Scooter."

"Scooter"
ROFL

ChiefFripp
09-18-2006, 07:50 PM
"Accidentally" come out of the jon with your penis hanging out of your fly a few times. If you have a little Viking helmet to put on it, that will probably cut down on the 'few times'.

bogie
09-18-2006, 07:51 PM
Bad hygiene may just work. Our company has a policy of not giving out references, good or bad, so whatever I do, it will not get out if someone calls for references.

4th and Long
09-18-2006, 07:58 PM
Day One: Start an official sounding rumor about your boss being considered for a big promotion.

Day Two: Spread a rumor that the promotion involves your boss heading up a new facility in Bosnia.

Day Three: Whenever a co-worker asks if you want coffee, say, "No thanks, it doesn't mix well with Thorazine."

Day Four: Attach 10 or so bottles of white-out to the inside of your suit jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker, surreptitiously open your jacket and whisper, 'I got white-out here; three bucks a pop; good quality stuff; who needs white-out?'

Day Five: Bring several large mason jars to work and fill them part way with water and yellow food coloring; display them conspicuously around your work space. Tell anyone who asks about them that you are just taking part in an efficiency study that your boss came up with to cut down on the time employees spend away from their desks.

Day Six: Tell your boss that you intend to spread out your vacation time by taking off one minute out of every 25. Spend all your time "planning" your vacations.

Day Seven: Keep a tally of what your boss wears on "casual Friday." When you see a pattern develop, distribute the tally to co-workers and start a weekly pool.

Day Eight: Dress like a pirate for the office Halloween party. Dress like a pirate every other day of the year as well.

Day Nine: Sign up your boss as a volunteer for Junior Achievement, Save The Children Foundation, Keep America Beautiful, the local branch of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, UNICEF, Hands Across America, Points of Light Foundation, and the kicker, AARP.

Day Ten: Set everyone's desk and PC clock ahead one hour and go home early.

4th and Long
09-18-2006, 08:00 PM
Bad hygiene may just work. Our company has a policy of not giving out references, good or bad, so whatever I do, it will not get out if someone calls for references.
Atta boy. Grow a really scruffy beard and let your eyebrows go to hell and they will fire ... oh wait, ... they didn't fire Bob Dole for that. Nevermind.

Calcountry
09-18-2006, 08:08 PM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?Call in sick to interview for another job. Then, if you don't get the new job, tell the boss at the old job, heh, "I lied, I went and interviewed for another job. I am really sorry, please forgive me."

INstanat pink slip my man.

Coach
09-18-2006, 08:09 PM
Whe you see your boss, yell out loud "I declare fatwa on you" and kick his balls.

Or if he has a daughter, then just say that she was a incredible f**k.

Count Alex's Losses
09-18-2006, 08:12 PM
Deep Spaced Niners?

You nerd. ROFL

Count Alex's Losses
09-18-2006, 08:13 PM
Do you have a dress code? I wonder how many violations it would take for them to fire you...if at all.

Bwana
09-18-2006, 08:24 PM
Well if we're going to be barbarous about it simpley show up naked with with some lit bottle rockets and a dildo on your forehead and play tag.

Geez Bwana, show some imagination.

ROFL

Bwana
09-18-2006, 08:33 PM
If working in an office environment:

-Convert your cubicle into a "fort". Hang a sign that states "No girls/boys allowed". Bonus points if your boss is of the restricted gender. When confronted by said boss, simply point at the sign. If the boss is the same gender as you, demand that he/she state the "password". Refuse to come out or let the boss in until the password is spoken. In the meantime, shoot everyone who passes your fort with nerf darts and/or super-soakers.

-Bring a keg and George Foreman grill into your cubicle, and proceed to throw a BBQ bash. Play loud music for full effect, and invite all your friends over (especially those who don't work with you).

Thig Lyfe
09-18-2006, 08:38 PM
1) Fake a head injury. Tell people you were cleaning out the gutters when you fell off the ladder and banged your head on the concrete. If needed, present a photo of your partially cleaned gutters as proof.

2) Start acting really, really stupid.

3) When people show concern, say "It's no biggie, guys, really."

4) Staple your hand to your desk.

5) The more you make people feel sorry for you while disrupting productivity, the better.

6) Continue behavior until boss calls you into his or her office and tells you that "you're a great guy", but "maybe this office just isn't at... your pace."

JBucc
09-18-2006, 08:40 PM
Lock yourself in your office and play really loud cheesy porno music while making orgasm sounds. Squirt mayonase on the wall for added effect.

Bwana
09-18-2006, 08:43 PM
Monkey knife fight.

Nothing says "you're fired" like animal death matches. Bonus points if you can arrange a cock fight to be taking place in your boss' office at the same time. You also may really piss off some animal rights people (icing on the cake)

Bill Parcells
09-18-2006, 08:49 PM
If working in an office environment:

-Convert your cubicle into a "fort". Hang a sign that states "No girls/boys allowed". Bonus points if your boss is of the restricted gender. When confronted by said boss, simply point at the sign. If the boss is the same gender as you, demand that he/she state the "password". Refuse to come out or let the boss in until the password is spoken. In the meantime, shoot everyone who passes your fort with nerf darts and/or super-soakers.

-Bring a keg and George Foreman grill into your cubicle, and proceed to throw a BBQ bash. Play loud music for full effect, and invite all your friends over (especially those who don't work with you).
now thats some imagination :)

JBucc
09-18-2006, 08:54 PM
Convert to Islam and make sure your coworkers overhear those mysterious arabic(or in your case, arabic jibberish) phonecalls. Constanlty rave about how Jack Bauer is powerless to stop you this time.

Jets_Fan7
09-18-2006, 09:09 PM
Say you agree with Herm

Coach
09-18-2006, 09:23 PM
Do a contract negeotations with your boss, and pull a Carl Peterson "Shut the f**k up, and sit the f**k down!"

Or be a big pain in the ass like T.O. and get some massive media attention in your office, and you can do some sit-ups and arm curls.

Bwana
09-18-2006, 09:26 PM
Walk around the office with your pockets out and your pecker dangling from your open zipper. When confronted, make an elephant noise and then chase them around screaming, "STAMPEDE" and laughing hysterically.

Archie F. Swin
09-18-2006, 09:31 PM
How long have you been doing this type of work, and what other careers did you have in mind?

Bwana
09-18-2006, 09:33 PM
Heh, or perhaps you could try this one.

When the company is having a doughnut brunch to explain their new health insurance plan, ask, ďSo, which STDs are covered by this policy? Does a new outbreak of herpes count as a pre-existing condition? What if it's a form of hepatitis that is not currently found in the USA, but you can only get it from Russian prisons and Malaysian teen prostitutes? You know, that kind that causes the pus blisters on your hands? What would be my deductible?Ē Then touch everybodyís doughnuts.

JBucc
09-18-2006, 09:35 PM
Draw naked pictures of all the people in the office on a piece of paper and make hundreds of copies of each. Make your bosses penis (or boobs) the smallest and cover the entire floor, walls, and ceiling with them.

Bill Parcells
09-18-2006, 09:39 PM
take all of your clothes off..grab a dixie cup and a rubberband..place them in the proper area..and just go about your business..

Bwana
09-18-2006, 09:40 PM
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.

JBucc
09-18-2006, 09:41 PM
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.Or have your mom come in and change you.

Bwana
09-18-2006, 09:46 PM
Or have your mom come in and change you.

Ha, that would get the job done as well.

ChiTown
09-18-2006, 09:53 PM
1) Fake a head injury. Tell people you were cleaning out the gutters when you fell off the ladder and banged your head on the concrete. If needed, present a photo of your partially cleaned gutters as proof.

2) Start acting really, really stupid.

3) When people show concern, say "It's no biggie, guys, really."

4) Staple your hand to your desk.

5) The more you make people feel sorry for you while disrupting productivity, the better.

6) Continue behavior until boss calls you into his or her office and tells you that "you're a great guy", but "maybe this office just isn't at... your pace."

:LOL:

I used to do those things.....just because.

PastorMikH
09-18-2006, 09:55 PM
American Hero pulled it off by coming in and flaming everyone on the planet and posting enough hints for Planeteers to find where he worked and start emailing his boss.


You could also register at "Another" Chiefs BB, and then make a couple of jokes about the owner. They'll take care of it for you.

Mr. Laz
09-18-2006, 10:09 PM
be late ......... i mean late for everything


but not enough to implode anything



i don't know how much a time factor is at your work ... but whatever it is, be 5 minutes late.

a little late for lunch
a little late everyday for work
a little late with your paperwork

a particularly effective one is being late for a meeting. Nothing busts the ballz of a boss more than having someone walk in while they are giving the opening outline for a meeting and then having to repeat it etc.


if you are late it will make everything else you do a little bit "off" just because they are irritated.


don't shave ....... don't know about the dress code at your work. If it's dress, then have 2 o'clock shadow EVERY day. It will drive your boss nuts.


enough small irritating things and the first chance they get, you will be gone.

PastorMikH
09-18-2006, 10:15 PM
In all seriousness, I would have to wonder if the severence would be worth hurting your resume by first, being fired, and secondly, being unemployed for a extended period of time. If you are tired of your job, I would think it might better to land a job that the pay is acceptable and the job would be more stimulating/interesting and then submit a 2 week notice. That way, if 6 months down the road, the old job isn't looking goo bad, you haven't burned your bridges.

Iowanian
09-18-2006, 10:33 PM
next sit down with your boss..shit your pants.

not fart...shit your pants and act like nothing happend. walk up close to show him something, drop a pencil......sit on the end of his desk.

Count Alex's Losses
09-18-2006, 10:36 PM
I bet you could get fired simply for walking around dropping f-bombs every other word.

Bill Parcells
09-18-2006, 10:42 PM
next sit down with your boss..shit your pants.

not fart...shit your pants and act like nothing happend. walk up close to show him something, drop a pencil......sit on the end of his desk.
hahaha!!!lmao!!

where do you come up with this shit???

your like a machine!!!

ChiefaRoo
09-18-2006, 11:02 PM
Just go talk to your boss and work it out face to face and leave with honor and dignity. Don't go out like a weasel.

obesecomic
09-18-2006, 11:27 PM
Something that I found out that works is this.
1. Be late for everything. Not incredibly late, but just late enough to be noticed. When asked, just admit that you were watching a good tv show and didnt want to leave.
2. Frequent Dumps. Even if you dont have to, frequent trips to go sit on the toliet and read. The more unproductive you can be, the better.
3. Flat out unproductivity. Spend alot of time on message boards, and playing games instead of work.

stumppy
09-18-2006, 11:34 PM
3. Flat out unproductivity. Spend alot of time on message boards, and playing games instead of work.




ROFL

If that worked there would be a bunch of planeteers unemployed.:D

Hoover
09-18-2006, 11:37 PM
Its not that hard.

1. If you have lost interest in your job let it show. Exactly at 8 a.m. or just a little after. Just don't give a shit and when your boss asks you about what's going on with you, go a little nuts, and tell he/she that they are crazy and just have it in for you.

2. Make personal calls from work.

3. Be a slob

4. Tell off a really nice, non important person like the janitor who is everyones friend. Don't make it personal just bitch about your job, and how the company doesn't appreciate all that you do for them.

luv
09-19-2006, 12:41 AM
Is there an attendance policy? From a little prior experience in HR, where I work anyway, you can get fired for excessive absenteeism, but, as long as you properly notify supervision of every absence, you'll get your unemployment, too. The only time we were able to get someone denied was pointing out the fact that an employee had several tardies which she did not properly notify supervision on.

greg63
09-19-2006, 12:45 AM
How do I get fired?

No call; no show.


Seriously, if you've lost interest; just quit. :shake:

luv
09-19-2006, 12:46 AM
No call; no show.


Seriously, if you've lost interest; just quit. :shake:
"No call, no show" is considered self-termination (aka quitting).

Guru
09-19-2006, 12:55 AM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?


Start using four letter words with your boss.

greg63
09-19-2006, 01:01 AM
"No call, no show" is considered self-termination (aka quitting).

Yep! The very point I was making. :thumb:

greg63
09-19-2006, 01:02 AM
Start using four letter words with your boss.

ROFL

You mean like: "love, good, this, that....."

boogblaster
09-19-2006, 01:04 AM
start with being late at least 3 times a week.. then start missing every friday..on mondays be mad as hell at every thing..never shave again as long as you work there..insult every female on the job..if your foreman calls you in for a sit-down act pissed that he would want one..if asked why you only show-up four days a week tell him you cant make enough money on three days..if these dont work lay-down tell them you slipped and hurt yourself..refuse medical attention and never work at normal speed again ..they'll find a reason to let you go.....

greg63
09-19-2006, 01:16 AM
100 away!





















That is all. :D

Guru
09-19-2006, 01:17 AM
100 away!





















That is all. :D
I say this post should be deleted as a complete waste of time.

Phobia
09-19-2006, 01:18 AM
You obviously don't work for Al Davis.

greg63
09-19-2006, 01:21 AM
I say this post should be deleted as a complete waste of time.

ROFLROFL

Given that criteria I would be 9, 899 posts away.

Demonpenz
09-19-2006, 01:34 AM
Walk into the place and say you hate white people

Guru
09-19-2006, 01:37 AM
Walk into the place and say you hate white people


Nah, that will just get you diversity training courses.

greg63
09-19-2006, 07:17 AM
Nah, that will just get you diversity training courses.

LMAO


Yep!

trndobrd
09-19-2006, 09:24 AM
1) Try this conversation

"Boss, can I take Tuesday afternoon off?"

"Let me look at the schedule. What do you have going on?"

"Oh, I have a job interview at Competitor Inc. It shouldn't last more than an hour so I can be back by 3:30 or so to get things wrapped up."


2) Show up 2 minutes later for work each day. Mon-2 min late, Tues-4 min late, Wed-6 and so on. See how many days it takes.

3) Inquire about the company firearms policy.

4) Print and copy all your documents on legal size paper. Probably won't get you fired, but it will annoy the hell out of everyone.

5) Make every day "Bring your daughter to work day".

6) After your boss returns your shoddily prepared presentation, argue about the "creative integrity" of the project.

7) In the evening go jogging in your work clothes, wear the next day, repeat.

8) "accidentally" CC the company global with every email you send to your boss

9) Keep asking for copies of documents "just to have a record of things"

10) Make a point of repeated running into your supervisor's boss. Complain about your supervisor's work habits, lack of leadership, inappropriate behavior, office temperature, etc

burt
09-19-2006, 10:21 AM
This is a complete waste of time...and funny!

You all are too complicated. Walk around looking crazy, salivate A LOT, and tell everyone "I'm Batman!!"

Iowanian
09-19-2006, 10:55 AM
While I pondered your potential discomfort....sitting in your own mud all day, and the chaffing that could follow, I thought of another way.....a more annoying way.

From this point forward, only communicate in Whale Sounds. Particularly fun when answeringing the phone.

"bogie, this is Ted down at Shipping"
"mmmfffffffYyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr"
"Bogie? Bogie? I said this is..."
"wRYyrrrrrrrrrrrHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmmm PPP Mmmmp mmmmp mmp"

crispystl420
09-19-2006, 11:00 AM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?
This is easy just get caught sleeping on the job or come in late everyday.

Wile_E_Coyote
09-19-2006, 11:02 AM
why would they pay the severance if they can get out of it

burt
09-19-2006, 11:02 AM
This is easy just get caught sleeping on the job or come in late everyday.

You are gonna have to be more creative to stick around here.......

burt
09-19-2006, 11:06 AM
why would they pay the severance if they can get out of it

Therein lies the creativity...getting fired without losing the severence. Walking around saying "I am Batman" is something that they couldn't keep severence for. Being mentally impared is a desease, and something they couldn't use to keep your severence.

Iowanian
09-19-2006, 11:13 AM
I'd think the actual best way, and a way that wouldn't give alot of reasons to work against your severence.....is if you just begin to do really, really subpar work.

Let an Eff bomb slip onto a tape or something.

"Good Night and Go Eff yourself Sandy Eggo"

StcChief
09-19-2006, 11:17 AM
Therein lies the creativity...getting fired without losing the severence. Walking around saying "I am Batman" is something that they couldn't keep severence for. Being mentally impared is a desease, and something they couldn't use to keep your severence.
I know someone that used the 'mental' issue and bleed it dry, had to see a shrink monthly.

Hog Farmer
09-19-2006, 11:36 AM
You could always take an AK-47 to work and massacre all your coworkers. Leave the boss so he can still fire you.

greg63
09-19-2006, 12:23 PM
This is a complete waste of time...and funny!

You all are too complicated. Walk around looking crazy, salivate A LOT, and tell everyone "I'm Batman!!"

Eh, just ask yer boss to fire you.

JBucc
09-19-2006, 12:35 PM
You could always take an AK-47 to work and massacre all your coworkers. Leave the boss so he can still fire you.And then after he fires you massacre him too.

burt
09-19-2006, 12:40 PM
Develop a new mental condition...NFL Toretts...Out of nowhere, yell "F**k Denver" or "Forty Niner f**kheads""....that could work!!!

ROFL ROFL NFL Toretts!!!!! ROFL I crack me up!!!

Fire Me Boy!
09-19-2006, 12:59 PM
I bet you could get fired simply for walking around dropping f-bombs every other word.
You've never worked in TV, huh?

Hog Farmer
09-19-2006, 01:01 PM
Every day when you go to work ask your boss if he will smell your finger. Tell him to guess," Nuts or Ass" after he smells.

ChiefaRoo
09-19-2006, 01:06 PM
While I pondered your potential discomfort....sitting in your own mud all day, and the chaffing that could follow, I thought of another way.....a more annoying way.

From this point forward, only communicate in Whale Sounds. Particularly fun when answeringing the phone.

"bogie, this is Ted down at Shipping"
"mmmfffffffYyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr"
"Bogie? Bogie? I said this is..."
"wRYyrrrrrrrrrrrHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRmmmmmmmm PPP Mmmmp mmmmp mmp"


Whale sounds? Iowa, I think you scratched the bottom of the humor barrel on this one :)


I'll give you a serious answer if you really want one. Be up front with your boss. Look him in the eye and tell him what you want to do and what you want regarding a severance. I bet you'll work it out to your mutual satisfaction. It's just a bad call to leave any significant job in any way that is less than honorable.

Now back to Whale sounds.

bogie
09-19-2006, 04:44 PM
Walk around the office with your pockets out and your pecker dangling from your open zipper. When confronted, make an elephant noise and then chase them around screaming, "STAMPEDE" and laughing hysterically.


ROFL You seem to have thought this out before.

bogie
09-19-2006, 04:50 PM
How long have you been doing this type of work, and what other careers did you have in mind?

roughly 15 years in TV management. Prior to that, I was in theme park management. honestly, I'm not sure what I want to do next. I would like to flip houses, but with the decline of real estate values, I'm afraid I've missed the boat on that for a while. Plus, I haven't really done my research with buying, fixing up and selling houses.

blueballs
09-19-2006, 04:53 PM
take Viagra every morning then
walk around the work place saying
damn I love my job

bogie
09-19-2006, 04:53 PM
Brag about how much more work you've gotten done since you started wearing Depends. Lie down on top of your desk and change yourself periodically throughout the day. Talk to yourself in the baby voice while you do it, "You are a good boy. A BIG boy too. Look at you." Leave the soiled diapers in your regular trash.

holy shit! ROFL you are on a roll!

Bob Dole
09-19-2006, 04:53 PM
Develop a new mental condition...NFL Toretts...Out of nowhere, yell "F**k Denver" or "Forty Niner f**kheads""....that could work!!!

ROFL ROFL NFL Toretts!!!!! ROFL I crack me up!!!

That's only ****ing funny if you don't have Tourette's you ****ing ****.

bogie
09-19-2006, 04:54 PM
Or have your mom come in and change you.
ROFL

bogie
09-19-2006, 04:55 PM
be late ......... i mean late for everything


but not enough to implode anything



i don't know how much a time factor is at your work ... but whatever it is, be 5 minutes late.

a little late for lunch
a little late everyday for work
a little late with your paperwork

a particularly effective one is being late for a meeting. Nothing busts the ballz of a boss more than having someone walk in while they are giving the opening outline for a meeting and then having to repeat it etc.


if you are late it will make everything else you do a little bit "off" just because they are irritated.


don't shave ....... don't know about the dress code at your work. If it's dress, then have 2 o'clock shadow EVERY day. It will drive your boss nuts.


enough small irritating things and the first chance they get, you will be gone.

This is good too.

bogie
09-19-2006, 05:12 PM
In all seriousness, I would have to wonder if the severence would be worth hurting your resume by first, being fired, and secondly, being unemployed for a extended period of time. If you are tired of your job, I would think it might better to land a job that the pay is acceptable and the job would be more stimulating/interesting and then submit a 2 week notice. That way, if 6 months down the road, the old job isn't looking goo bad, you haven't burned your bridges.

If I can find a good way to get fired rather than quit, it means roughly 3 months severence (company policy, based on how long I've been with the company). About $29k. I agree with your opinion, but, 3 month severence means I can take a month off and do nothing! I've been working since I was 17 years old (31 years) I want to take a month off and do nothing guilt free. I have several contacts that after I've taken my month off, I feel pretty confident that if I can't find another field of work, I could land a similar job for similar pay.

burt
09-19-2006, 05:42 PM
take Viagra every morning then
walk around the work place saying
damn I love my job


Start typing all
your inter office memos in this
stupid f***ing way

SLAG
09-19-2006, 05:44 PM
dont hack the proxy servers that dont work

bogie
09-19-2006, 06:08 PM
Just go talk to your boss and work it out face to face and leave with honor and dignity. Don't go out like a weasel.

$29,000.00!! My boss isn't my friend. He's a good guy, I appreciate the fact that he's given me employment, I've earned every penny he's paid me. I'm being selfish, but it would be better for me personally to be fired

Count Alex's Losses
09-19-2006, 06:16 PM
About $29k.

Jesus! What do you do?

bogie
09-19-2006, 06:27 PM
why would they pay the severance if they can get out of it

Good question. I'm thinking if my boss feels like I'm burning out and it would be better for me and the company that I wasn't around, he would pay me a severence. He has always respected the job I've done, he knows I have a family and he is an okay guy.

bogie
09-19-2006, 06:29 PM
You've never worked in TV, huh?

ROFL

bogie
09-19-2006, 06:33 PM
Jesus! What do you do?

I live in Southern CA. It's not that much out here.

ChiefFan31
09-20-2006, 12:48 AM
LMAO LMAO Awesome thread!

Some of those are great ideas.

However, I realized that I show up late, cuss like there is no tomorrow, talk all kinds of shit about my company and my Boss. Tell inappropriate jokes....

The best part is, I got a promotion and a raise a couple of months back :D

Miles
09-20-2006, 01:18 AM
I heard what you did in the parking lot, big boy, and it is in-excuse-a-bull. You personally insulted me, my staff... I cannot believe that you, body-suit man, could perpetrate such a disloyalty. Breaks my heart to say it... Oh, who am I kidding? I love it. You're fi...

Rausch
09-20-2006, 01:20 AM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?

POD.

Puzzy on duty.

Washroom, closet, shed, etc...

Miles
09-20-2006, 01:22 AM
POD.

Puzzy on duty.

Washroom, closet, shed, etc...

Boss: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

George: Who said that?

Boss: She did.

George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frouned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you peope do that all the time.

Rausch
09-20-2006, 01:26 AM
Boss: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

George: Who said that?

Boss: She did.

George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frouned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you peope do that all the time.

Well, technically, if she pressured you...wink wink, nudge nudge...

Miles
09-20-2006, 01:29 AM
Well, technically, if she pressured you...wink wink, nudge nudge...

Know what i mean, know what I mean, say no more, say no more.

Bwana
09-20-2006, 07:16 PM
Sooooooooo, are you still employed? :)

bogie
09-20-2006, 07:28 PM
Sooooooooo, are you still employed? :)

I am. He hasn't found the soiled Depends, he likes the name Scooter and when I walk around the office with my pockets out and my pecker dangling from my open zipper, I look like a Pug dog not an elephant, so when I yell STAMPEDE nobody cares.

Bwana
09-20-2006, 08:00 PM
I am. He hasn't found the soiled Depends, he likes the name Scooter and when I walk around the office with my pockets out and my pecker dangling from my open zipper, I look like a Pug dog not an elephant, so when I yell STAMPEDE nobody cares.

ROFL

It sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

bogie
09-20-2006, 08:20 PM
Luckily I had an erection or I couldn't have pulled off the Pug look.

Jenny Gump
09-20-2006, 08:21 PM
Luckily I had an erection or I couldn't have pulled off the Pug look.

You know what I would do? I would come to work drunk.

ChiefaRoo
09-20-2006, 08:47 PM
$29,000.00!! My boss isn't my friend. He's a good guy, I appreciate the fact that he's given me employment, I've earned every penny he's paid me. I'm being selfish, but it would be better for me personally to be fired


So your dignity and honor are only worth $29K?

Do what you got to do but I'm telling you right now Karma is a biatch and going out as a manipulative weasel is just wrong.

Bwana
09-20-2006, 08:49 PM
So your dignity and honor are only worth $29K?

Do what you got to do but I'm telling you right now Karma is a biatch and going out as a manipulative weasel is just wrong.

I bet you are the life of the party when you show up.

ChiefFan31
09-20-2006, 09:06 PM
I bet you are the life of the party when you show up.

Not even kidding. Good Grief.

ChiefaRoo
09-20-2006, 09:43 PM
Oh, it's a joke. Ok, do the diaper thing then. I thought this was a real question that deserved a real answer. Yeah, go back to discussing shiteing in the trashcan or whatever you were talking about. :)

boogblaster
09-20-2006, 10:44 PM
this thread is still going huh..take your boss to dinner tell him you want out..you want whats coming to you,,pay for the dinner tell him after you get in the car im going to throw you out of this car if you disagree,,plus im going to back-up and run over you....

greg63
09-21-2006, 12:35 AM
Well if you have a good working relationship with your boss then just as real nice to be fired.

Phobia
09-21-2006, 12:50 AM
I'm glad you don't work in the NFL. You have to do a lot better than shitting in closets, domestic violence, drugs, and disrespecting your boss to get canned.

Archie F. Swin
09-21-2006, 08:42 AM
Do you work for a entertainment company or a television station?

isired
09-21-2006, 11:45 AM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?

tell your boss that you've recently taken the lord as your savior, and your new mission in life is to save as many people as you can before you leave this world, starting with your co-workers. then ask permission to distribute information, set up one-on-one's with all of your co-workers, and hold the conference room reserved for weekly gatherings and random interventions/exorcisms. then tell him you'd like 'spiritual leader' added to your title, and, of course, a raise (in light of the importance and additional workload of your added responsibilities).

bogie
09-21-2006, 12:36 PM
Do you work for a entertainment company or a television station?

entertainment company

bogie
09-21-2006, 12:39 PM
tell your boss that you've recently taken the lord as your savior, and your new mission in life is to save as many people as you can before you leave this world, starting with your co-workers. then ask permission to distribute information, set up one-on-one's with all of your co-workers, and hold the conference room reserved for weekly gatherings and random interventions/exorcisms. then tell him you'd like 'spiritual leader' added to your title, and, of course, a raise (in light of the importance and additional workload of your added responsibilities).

This one may be gold. He'll have to fire me because of God. I'm sure that would come with a severence.

greg63
09-22-2006, 12:01 AM
This one may be gold. He'll have to fire me because of God. I'm sure that would come with a severence.


Yep.

Halfcan
09-22-2006, 12:09 AM
Just burn the place to the ground-they will fire ya.

Halfcan
09-22-2006, 12:11 AM
Keep a pound of rotting hamburger in your desk, quit showering, and fart every chance you can-they will fire you for sure after a week of stinking up the place.

Or just come to work Naked on Acid.

Fish
09-22-2006, 12:26 AM
Keep a pound of rotting hamburger in your desk, quit showering, and fart every chance you can-they will fire you for sure after a week of stinking up the place.

Or just come to work Naked on Acid.

Slow down killer.... don't let the stupidity pile up at the end....

greg63
09-22-2006, 12:31 AM
Just burn the place to the ground-they will fire ya.

Heh, Iím pretty sure that local authorities take a dim view of arson.

Halfcan
09-22-2006, 12:34 AM
Heh, Iím pretty sure that local authorities take a dim view of arson.

Your right, its probably better he gets thrown in jail for being naked on drugs than arson-lol

greg63
09-22-2006, 12:38 AM
Your right, its probably better he gets thrown in jail for being naked on drugs than arson-lol
LMAO


I don't know; I'll bet not many inmates mess with an arsonist.

chiefspuffpuff
09-22-2006, 07:00 AM
tell them your a chiefs fan you will get fired real quick lol

stevieray
09-22-2006, 07:35 AM
Piss off everyone in your village to the point that they burn your hut down.

Hence, fired.

Archie F. Swin
09-22-2006, 08:30 AM
If there's one thing I can relate too, Bogie, its that when people find out you work in TV they think you have the coolest job in the world and its all glitz and glamour. Many of those will be under the impression you make a lot of money too.
Lord knows I dont, unless you consider firemen and high school teachers rich.
No matter your line of work...some jobs can really suck!

KC-TBB
09-22-2006, 10:45 AM
Download lots of porn, then invite your boss over to 'take a look' then in your best Austin Powers voice ask, "Does that make you horney baybe?"

greg63
09-22-2006, 11:46 AM
Ask your boss if he has any pictures of his wife naked, and when he says: "NO!" reply with: "Would ya like some?"

DMAC
09-22-2006, 11:52 AM
Give everyone a signed baseball saying "I'm sorry that I come in every night when you are gone and teabag your coffee mug."

Iowanian
09-22-2006, 12:01 PM
In actuality, its a small, small world.

If you hate your job so much, start looking for a new one. When you find it, accept it, give your 2 weeks notice and go on.

bogie
09-22-2006, 12:04 PM
If there's one thing I can relate too, Bogie, its that when people find out you work in TV they think you have the coolest job in the world and its all glitz and glamour. Many of those will be under the impression you make a lot of money too.
Lord knows I dont, unless you consider firemen and high school teachers rich.
No matter your line of work...some jobs can really suck!

My job was okay up until about 6 months ago. Our company hired a new CFO and I think I pissed him off early on. He's gunning for me. I have been in the same position for over 11 years, and this accounting MOTHER F*CKER is pissing in MY nest. Maybe, rather than starting a thread about how to get fired, I should have started a thread of how to get this CFO MOFO fired.

bogie
09-22-2006, 12:05 PM
Ask your boss if he has any pictures of his wife naked, and when he says: "NO!" reply with: "Would ya like some?"

Great!
ROFL ROFL ROFL

bogie
09-22-2006, 12:17 PM
In actuality, its a small, small world.

If you hate your job so much, start looking for a new one. When you find it, accept it, give your 2 weeks notice and go on.

I know you're right. This is the best way to handle it. I started looking for a job a month after the new guy started. I have one company (a current vender) that has told me they will hire me when I'm avaiable. I have a second that I have just started pitching. Both of these potential jobs could pan out, or flop. But honest to God, if I get fired from my current job, rather than quit, and my boss has sympathy when he fires me, it's worth $29,000.00. Let me spell it out TWENTY NINE THOUSAND DOLLARS! Do you know what I can do with $29,000.00?

bogie
09-22-2006, 12:19 PM
In actuality, its a small, small world.

If you hate your job so much, start looking for a new one. When you find it, accept it, give your 2 weeks notice and go on.

By the way... It is a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it.

greg63
09-22-2006, 12:24 PM
Great!
ROFL ROFL ROFL


...Thought ya might like it.

Iowanian
09-22-2006, 02:06 PM
Do you know what I can do with $29,000.00?

Pay 13,000 of it to the govt in taxes?

Hire a Bronco fan to clean your house for 3 years?


It is my strong recommendation that you find something in firm, writing that confirms your belief on this subject and that it is signed. I'll also wager that if it is, there is alot of fine print relating to "reasons" for your termination.

I'm surprised bRainman hasn't had some input, given his previous employement issues with promises and former bosses.


You're going to do what you want anyway......just go ahead and build it without a permit. They could never find out.

isired
09-22-2006, 02:14 PM
In actuality, its a small, small world.

If you hate your job so much, start looking for a new one. When you find it, accept it, give your 2 weeks notice and go on.
iowanian, the voice of reason?!?!

i know i've only been here a short time, but i'm pretty sure that's the first post i've seen that didn't include 'ass cancer' or some such vulgarity directed at someone... and not always a jets fan!

ou must be settling down in your old age...

Iowanian
09-22-2006, 02:18 PM
Pack your ass full of dead rats.

CoMoChief
09-22-2006, 02:20 PM
I have lost interest in my job. :( I could give numerous reasons why I am no longer happy, but that's not the issue. If I get fired (depending on why I'm fired), I can get up to 3 months severance + accrued vacation. If I quit, I only get accrued vacation. How can I get myself fired without making it look like I'm trying to get fired?


Show up late alot. Take long lunches, slack off. There are many ways.

onescrewleftuntwisted
09-22-2006, 02:32 PM
act like all 3 stooges and poke yourself in the eyes and and hit yourself untill some asks what is wrong and then you start in on them, and keep it up till our poking ur boss in the eye 2

onescrewleftuntwisted
09-22-2006, 02:33 PM
i myself normaly just rip what ever fast food shirt im wearing off and throw it at the nerdy 17 year old im working for and walk out

Hog Farmer
09-22-2006, 03:21 PM
Pack your ass full of dead rats.


That might get him a date from his boss instead.

BWillie
09-22-2006, 04:59 PM
Well, you don't want to get a bad reference do ya? Do something really ****in' crazy. I would shit on a plate, and put parsley, leave a nice glass of merlot on ur bosses desk right on the plate of shit. Be sure to add some nice silverware. You'll be sure to get fired and then if you ever get referenced he'll ask your boss how you did..he'll go "O he shit on a plate, put it on my desk, and tried to get me to eat it". You'll have that job immediately, whoever is hiring you will be like ya right that guy is a nutjob. You got the job.