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View Full Version : RUDE and off topic Best/worst pickup lines


Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 02:50 PM
Well we have pretty well beat the Chiefs are playing like crap subject into the ground so how about a little juvenile humor. Most of us on occasion have spent some time in a drinking establishment and either heard our even used a line to break the ice. Example- ď You must wash your pants in Windex, cuz I can see myself in them. Or you must work at Subway,, you just gave me a foot-long. Any others that are humors or particularly clever please post below.<BR>

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 02:53 PM
Bob Dole doesn't know if it would be considered clever, but used this one just last night.

"Why don't you take your little brother home and come back with me."

Goes over big with their date.

58Forever
12-06-2000, 02:54 PM
not too clever and not to humorous but a friend of mine use to just walk up and say...

do you want to ****?....hey if it worked 1 out of ten times it was successful...

My favorite though...if you see a pretty woman just walk up to her and say...

Excuse me...I'm sorry to bother you, but I was taught never to let any thing of beauty go unnoticed...I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to witness and share your beauty today....

Then just walk away...if she's the least bit interested...she will stop you before you get 10 feet away...<P>

Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 02:55 PM
F@$k me if I wrong! But isn't your name Glenda.

Cormac
12-06-2000, 02:57 PM
"Do you have any Irish in you?"

"No."

"Want some?"

Sorry, couldn't resist!

Nelson Muntz
12-06-2000, 03:00 PM
just walk up to the girl while staring at her shoes and say
nice shoes .... wanna ****?

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~R.I.P. Tupac Shakur~

Mark M
12-06-2000, 03:01 PM
"Are your legs tired? Cause you've been running through my mind all day."

"You know what would look good on you? Me."

I know, I know, old and boring.

MM
~~Been out of circulation for too damn long.

BIG_DADDY
12-06-2000, 03:03 PM
"Baby you me have something in common. You got that bad rascal and I need one".

BIG DADDY
Still partial to "How Much?"

58Forever
12-06-2000, 03:03 PM
I drive a Lamborghini, own a 30 room mansion in the Bahamas and I have $10 million in the bank...so do you think I care if you go home with me or not?

Doesn't work well if you have just puked on yourself and you are wearing jeans and a tee shirt that has a picture of the Confederat Flag on it...

Baby Lee
12-06-2000, 03:11 PM
that shirt is very becoming on you. of course, if I were on you Iíd be coming too.

wanna go out for pizza and a ****? what, you donít like pizza?

do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk past you again?

all those curves, and me with no brakes.

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

So... How am I doin'?

A women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You: "Do you have the energy?"

Hey baby, want to go halves on a bastard?

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 03:13 PM
Bob Dole's father told him nearly the same thing 20 years ago, Joe.

Go to the bar early while you're still sober and the lighting is still good. Find a woman you find extremely attractive and ask her if she'd like to go home with you. If she ever speaks to you again, she will.

Another good one is to walk over and quietly whisper in their ear, "You know...I'm hung like a chigger."

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 03:14 PM
Bob Dole is laughing his a$$ off at the "go halves on a bastard" line.

Gaz
12-06-2000, 03:15 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Helvetica, verdana, ariel">quote:</font><HR>Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That one made me laugh out loud.

And I'm still at work.

xoxo~
gaz
enduring the stares of co-workers.

Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 03:21 PM
If I was a squirrel and you were a tree would ya mind if I busted a nut in your hole?

Hey would you believe my watch is psychic? It says youíre naked.
Ah hell itís an hour fast again.<BR>

Iowanian
12-06-2000, 03:22 PM
I prefer.
"Hello, I'm Mr. Right, I hear you've been looking for me."

BIG_DADDY
12-06-2000, 03:23 PM
JC,
Outstanding, I like the the shirt becoming line as well.

Mark M
12-06-2000, 03:24 PM
Where in the hell were you guys when I was single?? I could've been slapped twice as often!

Cormac--
The Irish thing is freaking hilarious!

I guess just whipping out your unit, pointing at it and saying "Would you like this for here or to go?" counts as rude, don't it?

MM
~~Gone too far?

[This message has been edited by Mark M (edited 12-06-2000).]

Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 03:24 PM
bastard" line.

LMAO

mlyonsd
12-06-2000, 03:26 PM
You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?<BR>

Mi_chief_fan
12-06-2000, 03:31 PM
If a cop pulls you over for speeding, say:

"I'm sorry officer, but my wife is getting pregnant tonight, and i'd like to be there when she does."

I never had much luck with lines.........

KCTitus
12-06-2000, 03:33 PM
LMAO @ RCG's Squirrel and Mark's 'here or to go'.

58Forever
12-06-2000, 03:35 PM
LMAO....halves on a bastard...

But I'm not sure if the sheep would understand that one....

Why do you lead a sheep to the edge of a cliff?...It pushes back harder.

[This message has been edited by 58Forever (edited 12-06-2000).]

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 03:42 PM
LMAO, you guys are funny! Having never had a date I will remember these lines as things not to say when I finally try to get one. Thank you for showing me what not to do. :)
Some of the best advice my father has given me is putting down the old saying that experience is the best teacher. He has found that someone else's experience is the best teacher.

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Iowanian
12-06-2000, 03:49 PM
i used one in college that dealt with telling a gal about the "tiger in my pocket and how she could reach in, pull his tail, and see if she could make him roar..."

worked twice...i was drunk..."butterfacer chicks"..everything looked good, but her face..

not that i'm exactly clark gable. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/wink.gif

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 03:50 PM
raiderhader: Bob Dole hopes that you've not had a date because you're young, rather than because you look like BroncoFan.

That said, the useful follow-up to the "hung like a chigger" line (which must be immediately followed by a proud smile and eyebrow wiggling, by the way), is to exclaim, "But when it's hard...OH when it's hard, I'm hung like a mosquito!"

58Forever
12-06-2000, 03:54 PM
You know Bob, I used the chigger line...but I forgot the mosquito part...now I know why it didn't work... :(

[This message has been edited by 58Forever (edited 12-06-2000).]

Iowanian
12-06-2000, 03:55 PM
bobdole

I've never used the chigger line, but I have referenced being hung like a shetlen field mouse...with a similar delivery..

mildly effective...for a laugh..

shakesthecat
12-06-2000, 03:55 PM
The "bastard" is outstanding!

I wish you were a door so I could slam you
all day long.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

I may not be the best looking guy in here,
but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the
happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can
blow the hell outta me.<P>

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 04:00 PM
Bob Dole just feels (perhaps incorrectly, based on recent experience) that most women appreciate a guy who a) doesn't take himself too seriously and b) can poke fun at himself. If they don't have a sense of humor, Bob Dole isn't much interested anyway...

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:03 PM
Senator, yes it is because I am young. 19 to be exact. I know that I am of the age, but I just can't find a girl that wants anything to do with me. Not because of my looks though. I think I might be black listed because of the hard times I have been known to give the female population. Just a guess though.

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Nelson Muntz
12-06-2000, 04:12 PM
raiderhader i feel your pain... i'm 22 and in the same boat as you. all the girls around here would rather date the guys that play them and beat them than a nice guy like me... go figure

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~R.I.P. Tupac Shakur~

Iowanian
12-06-2000, 04:12 PM
raiderhater,

You are probably being too nice, or trying too hard...relax and never, ever use any of the lines you've read on this thread..


I always looked at dating like a sport...as a freshman in football, you don't go right into a varstiy game...you practice, and you practice against the meat squad...younger, smaller and larger kids...not the star RB...you have to practice, because thats where you learn....no one really cares if you "fumble" in practice...but if you practice enough...you'll look pretty good scampering in for that TD when you get in the game....to the point..ask out a fat chick, or more common girl that is nice, fun, and won't be as picky...get your confidence.....in other words...practice...

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:20 PM
Iowian, I can't help but be nice and act like a gentlemen and treat woemen the way they are supposed to be treated. It is the way I have been raised.
Slim, I know what you mean. There is this girl that I know was made for me, and me for her, but instead she goes with these jerks, that just want to control her. And the wierd thing is, it is not her personality to be controlled. But she allows it anyways. Unless of course it is someone who cares about her and is only trying to help her. Weomen, can't live with 'em, can't live with out 'em!



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Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:22 PM
Iowian, another thing. I don't try at all. I am just biding my time, watching and waiting.

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[This message has been edited by raiderhader (edited 12-06-2000).]

KCWolfman
12-06-2000, 04:22 PM
Worst pickup line I ever heard was my best friends in a singles bar

"Your name must be Diarrhea because I am having trouble holding in everything I feel for you."

We all rolled on the floor, even the girl and her friends started laughing and joined us for the night.

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 04:23 PM
Bob Dole thought the saying was: "Women...can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em."

(Perhaps there's a good reason Bob Dole is single...)

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:24 PM
Wolfman, if they joined you, then it must not have been such a bad line after all. LOL, that is funny though.

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Iowanian
12-06-2000, 04:25 PM
raider,

I'm in no way suggesting you mis-treat them or beat them....I promote being nice, but the "too nice" thing doesn't cut it..I'm only suggesting not looking at every woman as wife potential...get a few dates under your belt with gals you are more sure of and comfortable around...get some "practice"...it takes some doing to get comfortable with girls if you haven't dated much...i thought I was pretty cool in HS, but still got nervous on my 1st dates...still do a little, but I know to just relax, be yourself and have a good time and things work out...

Find a girl you are pretty sure will go out with you, take her out, treat her well, and have a good time...it doesn't mean it has to be a longterm deal....

58Forever
12-06-2000, 04:25 PM
Well there is a theory about why women go for abusive guys...

seems that even though they are being abused...at least they are the center of attention...where as nice guys are nice to everyone and therefore don't pay as much attention to their women....I read this somewhere...makes sense to me...I mean...I know ever woman would rather be beat and paid attention to then have to share their man with friends, family etc....go figure


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joe

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:26 PM
Senator, I have heard that one too. And if it were not for my upbrining, it is probaly the one I would use.

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Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 04:30 PM
(damnit)

[This message has been edited by Robert_Dole (edited 12-06-2000).]

Bob Dole
12-06-2000, 04:31 PM
Now Bob Dole is worried that his upbringing was substandard.

How about: "Women...can't live with 'em. Why the he1l would I want to? What the he1l am I thinking?"

(Okay...maybe there's more than one reason Bob Dole is single...)

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:31 PM
58, I live for this girl. When she is around I am there. Now she doesn't know my feelings for her because of the situation, but she has to see the way I try to take care of her and watch out for her. I garuntee she knows that she has my attention even when she doesn't want it. You might think that is part of the problem, but I am not so sure. You kinda have to understand our past and relationship.

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shakesthecat
12-06-2000, 04:32 PM
I thought it was-

Women, can't live with'em,
can't put'em out by the curb when you're done with'em.

raiderhater-
Iowanian's right. Besides, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that, women talk.
If you date one and things don't work out, she probably has a friend or 2 that would love to date a good guy.

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:34 PM
Sorry Senator, I didn't mean to make you feel bad about yourself. That was not my intention. Please don't start feeling depressed, and go and do something drastic. I don't know what the world would do with out Bob Dole. :)

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KCWolfman
12-06-2000, 04:37 PM
"Women - Henry VIII had the right idea"

Waiting for the inevitable 'head' puns to start rolling (pun intended)

Iowanian
12-06-2000, 04:38 PM
bobdole,

i've come home from dates thinking...if women didn't have one certain thing, there would be a bounty on them...in iowa the conservation used to pay $5 for a coyote ear...pest elimination...

but of course i think women are great..

raider..i don't understand much about them..women don't seem to understand each other either....I agree with women when they say we have 2 brains...ITs TRUE...the bottom one is just where we keep LOGIC, and REASON!

Good luck and good night.

58Forever
12-06-2000, 04:38 PM
RaiderHader, in my experience, the women that I lived for...sure didn't live for me...except to use me because they knew they could...then I started trying to ignore them and guess what...they started wondering what was wrong...sometimes too much attention is a bad thing...the thing that is weird is that the type of attentions some women want...black eyes and bruises...instead of flowers and candy...

Wow, we've gone from raunch comedy to Oprah....
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joe

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

[This message has been edited by 58Forever (edited 12-06-2000).]

Iowanian
12-06-2000, 04:38 PM
bobdole,

i've come home from dates thinking...if women didn't have one certain thing, there would be a bounty on them...in iowa the conservation used to pay $5 for a coyote ear...pest elimination...

but of course i think women are great..

raider..i don't understand much about them..women don't seem to understand each other either....I agree with women when they say we have 2 brains...ITs TRUE...the bottom one is just where we keep LOGIC, and REASON!

Good luck and good night.

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:39 PM
Shakes, I don't want to date around. I know that it is very difficult to find the right girl on the first try, but I am not one of those guys who likes to be with as many differnt girls as he can. It just isn't me. Partly because of the fact that a relationship that doesn't work out can be hard. The thought of going through that lots of times, does not appeal to me.

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Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 04:39 PM
Gay bar pick up line

"Mind if I push up a stool".

I know I know sick-sick-sick

[This message has been edited by RCGChief (edited 12-06-2000).]

58Forever
12-06-2000, 04:42 PM
God granted one wish to this really religious guy and he wishes for a bridge to Hawaii...God says, of course I can do it but do know how much concrete it will take...and the logisitcs of putting the pylons into the ocean are almost beyond me...can't you think of a better wish, more suitable, to glorify me.

The guy thinks then says...Well, I wish I could understand women...

God says...two lanes or four?

KCWolfman
12-06-2000, 04:42 PM
hater - Sounds like you might get involved emotionally too quick if you dont want to date around. (Sorry if I sound judgemental, just trying to help).

It is a real pleasure to meet a variety of the opposite sex and learn (or try to learn) what makes them tick.

I loved dating, and didnt mind when it didnt work out. It was nice just to go out with others and enjoy their company. I never read too much into a date until long after we had established a relationship (at least 3 months).

KCWolfman
12-06-2000, 04:44 PM
Joe - Now that is funny.....

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 04:47 PM
I really haven't had a problem with being used, it is just that we have been friends and that is what she considers me to be. You all know the old Gene Pitney song "It Hurts to be in Love"? The second chorus goes (pardon my singing voice, or lack of) - How long can I exsist, wanting lips I've never kissed? She gives all her kisses to somebody else. She thinks I'm just a friend, though it hurts I must pretend, the only way to keep her, is to keep her to myself. - Well that is my situation, and it sucks!

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58Forever
12-06-2000, 04:52 PM
I'm a member of the "he man women hater club"<P>

Lightning Rod
12-06-2000, 04:56 PM
Hey where are the females they could certainly put in their $00.02 worth. I'd certainly like to hear from them.The minute you think you understand women they will pull the rug out from under you and remind you that you don't.

And $00.02 more from the peanut gallery. If you want to be noticed by women, be seen with women. Think about it. If a man and a good-looking woman walk into a room all the guys look at the girl. Guess what all the women look at the woman also. Checking out the competition if you will. The fact that a guy is seen with a woman automatically raises his stock. I could go into an exceptionally long winded explanation about this theory and experience with it but it is about time to go home.

By the way my luck with them has sucked as of late.

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"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 05:02 PM
Wolfman, in this particular case, I haven't rushed the emotional side, I have been friends with her for some time. But in general, OK maybe i am looking for love and I don't want to wait. Now I have no problem with just spending time with girls, even though they tend to drive me batty, but I don't think dating is the best way to go about that. Actually my parents don't belive in dating, because when your dating you tend to show the best side of yourself, and the pther person does the same. So neither of you really know much about the true side of the other. My parents belive that courtship is the best way to go. Because family is involved so you are sure to get a better idea of what the other person is really like. The idea is also that when you start looking, you are not just looking for fun, but you are looking for your future spouse. Also you are chaparoned(sp?) so you are not in a bad situation, if you catch my drift, and I am sure that you do. Now I will not be under these circumstances for very long now, but I still intend to look for a future mate, and not just a good time.

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Chief Henry
12-06-2000, 05:03 PM
ROTHF,LMAO.

I've got to come back and read every single post on this topic.....I luv it.

This should be said to some bi%$@ that you don't like........
"Hey Babeeeeeee, wanna get lucky? Go to the zooooooooo"



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Chiefs Rock

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 05:06 PM
RCG, it would be kinda hard for this girl that i like to see me with other girls, since she is living in NM, and I am living in OK. Yes I know, a long distance relationship to start off with isn't a great idea. This has got to be sounding crazier and crazier to you guys all the time.
RCG, another thing, women are never around when you need them.

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Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 05:07 PM
LOL Henry

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WisChief
12-06-2000, 05:15 PM
Damn, I'm glad I stayed away from this one at work. I'd been hauled out in a strait jacket. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. Oh, wait, it was just a few hours ago at Broncobilly and ButtPack!<P>

morphius
12-06-2000, 05:16 PM
Wanna go for a ride on my crotch rocket; then maybe we can go for a ride on the bike.

Morphius
http://morphiustech.homestead.com/files/jeff2.jpg

[This message has been edited by morphius (edited 12-06-2000).]

morphius
12-06-2000, 05:38 PM
RH - I wouldn't wish that situation on anyone, I know way too much about long distance relationships, and they are not fun in any way shape or form.

Morphius
Former 9 year long distance relationship...

Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 05:55 PM
Well Morph, the only long distance relationship I have with her right now is friendship. That is not a bad thing, it was through friendship that I fell in love with her (I guess it's love. Having never been in love before I can't say for sure. But having never had this feeling before, I don't know what else to call it). But right now a long distance relationship sounds better than the way things are now. Mabey not. It doesn't look like I'll be finding out anytime soon. Oh well, life goes on.

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Raiderhader
12-06-2000, 06:01 PM
You know I sure hope my brothers don't get on here and read this. They have been bugging me trying to find out who this girl is, but that is one of the last things that I want to happen! So far they haven't seemed to interested in this or any other BB, so I should be safe. But they are wondering what it is that keeps my on here so much. I just hope they don't start getting nosey.

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Frazod
12-06-2000, 06:15 PM
"So, what's for breakfast?"
"Nice a$$. Can I wear it as a hat?"

All I can think of at the moment. Been out of circulation for eons.

Most unsuccessful pick-up attempt - while I was very, very drunk at a bar, I asked an incredibly beautiful, and incredibly tall, woman to dance. She was well over 6 feet tall - I'm about 5'8".

ME: "Ya wannaaa dance? *burp*
HER: NO. You're to short!
ME: It's not my fault you're a f#cking mutant!

I was short enough to dodge the slap....

Pitt Gorilla
12-06-2000, 07:04 PM
On the whole, I'd say that this thread is doing little to change the sterotypic perception of most BB posters. Not that that is a bad thing; just an observation.

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GO PITT!

Chiefnj
12-06-2000, 07:18 PM
Worst pick up line: "You'd look a lot better with my balls bouncing off of your chin."

Guy to Girl "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"
Girl: "Yes"
Guy: "Would you sleep with me for 5 dollars?"
Girl: "No! What kind of girl do you think I am?"
Guy: "We've already established what type of girl you are, now we are just trying to set a price."

morphius
12-06-2000, 07:46 PM
restaurant pick up line:

"Wanna spoon?"

The Rick
12-06-2000, 07:52 PM
How about this one:

"Your body's like a Visa...it's everywhere I want to be!"

Cannibal
12-06-2000, 08:00 PM
LMAO at post # 8!

KCWolfman
12-06-2000, 08:05 PM
worst ones

"Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?"

"Lets take a shower together -- you smell"

"You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno

"You're ugly but you intrigue me"

"I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples"

"Hey you don't sweat much for a fat girl"

Best ones

"Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!"

Look at the tag in her shirt and say, "I wanted to see if you were really made in heaven"

"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up my driveway!"

"I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"

Send a waitress over with cold milk in a wine glass, and a message, "The gentleman over there, wanted to tell you that "every great body needs milk."

morphius
12-06-2000, 08:11 PM
"My body is your playground... come let's play."

Morphius
Luckily never had to use pick up lines...

Spott
12-07-2000, 06:05 AM
My favorite line is a ripoff from that old Airplane movie.

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

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It looks I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

Mi_chief_fan
12-07-2000, 06:48 AM
"I'm a minister of the lord. Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what i'm here after."

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:07 AM
Here's one that I have heard and I quote:

"Damn B*tch! You stupid fly, lemme pull up to that bumper and smack that monkey!"

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:09 AM
And one that I have actually heard Bishop say:

"Hey Baby, let me guess your weight. If I am wrong I'll eat the difference."

Mi_chief_fan
12-07-2000, 08:16 AM
Which one worked on you? http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/wink.gif

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:28 AM
Neither

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:31 AM
I did have a bouncer, standing outside of a club, try to talk to me and when I kept on walking he became irritated that I wouldn't give him the time of day and smack my arm. He gave me a look that said "B*tch, get your @ss over here and talk to me". Just the charming kinda guy I want to be with.

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:33 AM
I have given many a guy the slip that wouldn't leave me alone in a club. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 08:35 AM
Hey, I am a regular now! Hooray for my side!!!

Baby Lee
12-07-2000, 08:42 AM
"nice blouse, is it cotton?"

"No."

"Well it must be FELT, then."

Iowanian
12-07-2000, 09:01 AM
post line rejection response...

I didn't say "do you wanna dance, I said, Damn, your @$$ looks fat it those pants".

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 09:02 AM
Here is actually one that made me smile :)

"I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?"<BR>

Iowanian
12-07-2000, 09:09 AM
A while back, I heard a buddy..walk up to a gal and say "I'd army crawl naked through a swamp full of broken beer bottles just to eat a peanut out of your"...well, its too nasty to continue....but he got her number..???

I'll never fully understand...

bishop_74
12-07-2000, 09:15 AM
I am hung like a moose...wanna get some coffee?

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 09:25 AM
A moose? Hell yeah I'll have coffee with you!!! In fact we could skip the coffee all together, wanna f#ck?
;)<P>

Joe Seahawk
12-07-2000, 09:29 AM
If I was in charge of the alphabet, I would put U and I together.... http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/rolleyes.gif

morphius
12-07-2000, 09:30 AM
I think #76 is from a comedy skit, possibly George Carlin, it is done like a language learning tape, only you are learning ebonics.

Morphius
Has the MP3...

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 09:33 AM
"Wow! Are those real?"

Not the most creative, but one I have heard.

Mark M
12-07-2000, 09:33 AM
Okay you two bishops...there will be enough of that!

Bishop's Girl--
As a female (I'm assuming you are, but with bishop you can never tell! :D Just kiddin' dude.) are there any lines on this board that would make you do anything other than slap someone?

I ask not for myself, but for raiderhaider who seems to need a little lovin'.

MM
~~Trying to help those in need.

[This message has been edited by Mark M (edited 12-07-2000).]

Iowanian
12-07-2000, 09:35 AM
i've said this before...

I'll guarantee 3 screaming orgasms tonight if you come home with me...if you work hard, you can have some too. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif

PostalChief
12-07-2000, 09:46 AM
Walk up to your potential target, lick your thumb and dab it on their shirt/blouse and say:

"Hi, how about coming to my place and let me help you out of those wet clothes."

Believe it or not, it worked for me about 75% of the time.

Lightning Rod
12-07-2000, 09:56 AM
Remember I did state this was Rude right at the top.

Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
No.
Can I?

Hey Baby ... Wanna dance?
She : No.
He : Oh, C'mon! Lower you're standards a little. I did...

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.


------------------
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

seclark
12-07-2000, 10:01 AM
i never was much for come on lines...i'd just walk up to the the gal and lick my eyebrows...

i remember one time at a tavern, one of the guys at my table said to the waitress, "honey, i'd love to get into your pants."

she came back instantly with, "why, did you **** in yours?"
cracked us all up.
sec

[This message has been edited by seclark (edited 12-07-2000).]

[This message has been edited by seclark (edited 12-07-2000).]

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 10:32 AM
I have never slapped a guy, though lord knows that many guys have deserved it. Most of the lines on this board would not gain my attention. I have successfully hooked up with 1 guy in a bar before and not because of a pick up line. He was sweet, a little shy, yet outgoing enough to talk with me and dance with me. He was always very respectful, made me laugh and was honest with me. We didn't date long, but I think very highly of him and we are still friends today. Boys, be genuine.

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 10:39 AM
On a girls' night out I saw one of my ex-co-workers in a hip club. He was pretty sloshed and after informing me that he and all of the other guys that we worked with thought I was really hot, he said "You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!". I gave a half laugh, being awkwardly embarrasedand not knowing what to say. Within a few minutes I had rounded up my girlfriends and snuck out of the club, after telling him to wait for me while I went to get a drink.

PostalChief
12-07-2000, 10:44 AM
Bishop's Girl,

"You're not tired, are you?. Because you've been running through my mind all night."<P>

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 11:17 AM
Giggle...Blush...

[This message has been edited by Bishop's_Girl (edited 12-07-2000).]

Mi_chief_fan
12-07-2000, 11:19 AM
Postal Chief,
Still nothing on the e-mail. I know you tried again. What is it anyway?

58Forever
12-07-2000, 11:30 AM
http://kcfx.com/pix/vp3.gif

Mark M
12-07-2000, 11:47 AM
58--
LOL!! Love the pic!! Beer has been getting ugly people dates for hundreds of years.

B.Girl--
What line did bishop use to get your attention? Just curious.

And good advice for raiderhader and others who have problems finding dates: just be yourself, act natural and good things will happen. Being hung like an elephant doesn't hurt either. ;) How do you think I convinced Rebecca to marry me? Wasn't my charming personality! :D

Actually, in my experience no line will always work, and most will never work. I have found that if you can make a woman laugh (legitimately, not just a "I'm being nice" giggle) you're half way there. This doesn't apply once you get her in bed, however. Then, laughing's bad. Just ask Packfan. It would explain his attitude.

MM
~~Glad he's married...seriously...it's not bad at all...stop laughing...it's great.

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 12:14 PM
Wow, there is no short and simple answer to that question. We have a long history together. He never used any pick up lines on me, he is just a charming boy.

nmt1
12-07-2000, 02:34 PM
Live around here often?

KCWolfman
12-07-2000, 05:06 PM
My wife loved it when I said "If I could be anything I'd be a tear- Born in your eye, live on your cheek, and die at your lips." But it stills seems pretty hokey to me.

Bishop's_Girl
12-07-2000, 05:37 PM
OOOooooooo!!! I had a guy say that to me once too!!! It was wonderful!!! It just about melted me, and yes, it worked http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif

Snapper
12-07-2000, 06:06 PM
Like to dance? ....No...........thatz ok, I had to go take a $hit anyway!

SDChief
12-07-2000, 10:29 PM
How about telling a group of girls that you are out looking for pirates, and when they give the common reply of "huh?" Then you say "you know a pirate, a blond with a black patch!!

Lbedrock1
12-08-2000, 04:09 AM
The pickup line I used was corny but I always got a smile or at least a conversation. Hi what is your name? Well hi _____ my name is Calgon can I take you away.

Mi_chief_fan
12-15-2000, 06:18 AM
Love this topic.

Lightning Rod
12-15-2000, 09:33 AM
I'm an organ donor, need anything?

Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?<BR>

Baby Lee
12-15-2000, 09:58 AM
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.<P>

Baby Lee
12-15-2000, 09:58 AM
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

ROYC75
12-15-2000, 11:35 AM
I've been reading this thread for sometime now and have to admit ...you guys a re funny.LMAO on these post..I feel cheated that I didn't get to try some of this....My life was to simple,to plain...Not Boast'n here....but I didn't have to use p/u lines,I didn't play the field,the women came after me.Really...But my wife was different...I had to chase her,she couldn't stand me at 1st...had to win here...she was so jealous of the women during our dating,they would come to my house,while she was there,Caused alot of problems to.

Looking back,I feel that 1 good woman was better than several women. (IMHO) Now some of you might think I had my head on backwards...naw...just old fashion values!

Mark M
12-15-2000, 11:47 AM
JC--
That had to be, hands down, the most inventive, interesting and hilarious bit I've heard concerning this topic. (in my best John Cleese from Monty Python's Holy Grail voice, "Its a very nice!")

When I first met my wife, I just talked to her a little bit. After a few drinks, I looked at her and said "Come to Butthead" in my best Butthead voice.

It worked.

MM
~~Glad the Mrs. had/has a sense of humor.<BR>

TheFly
12-15-2000, 07:17 PM
"Didn't we meet on the ChiefsPlanet BB?"

Baby Lee
12-15-2000, 07:53 PM
The Fly - SHHH! Just shutup. You had me at 'didn't.'

stevieray
12-15-2000, 08:18 PM
Walk up to a girl and ask if she wants to play "jubilee""...When she asks what that is, you reply "Sit on my face and I'll guees how much you weigh".


When I met my wife I told her she had a great big ol' heart, with no one to give it to...

Dec 5 was our 8th Anniversary.

BigOlChiefsfan
12-16-2000, 12:04 AM
It's been many years, but this one worked back when I had a waistline and some hair...I smiled at one pretty girl in the bar until she smiled back-then while she was watching I slapped my own face, walked over and said 'thought I'd save you the trouble...wanna get out of here and go f***?'
She grabbed her coat, and away we went.<P>

Mi_chief_fan
12-29-2000, 07:15 PM
We need more of these. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif