View Full Version : Bill Simmons

10-04-2006, 08:51 AM
I don't know where people stand with the "Sports Guy." I know his unabashed Boston homering rubs people wrong... but the guy makes me laugh every time.

This one had me in tears, from one of his game diaries posted yesterday...

1:00 p.m. (PST) -- The Quadruple-A Playoffs kicks off: Chris Carpenter against Jake Peavy, Chris Berman and Orel Hershiser announcing, and me still reeling from my random celebrity encounter between games. While waiting in line for a sandwich at one of my neighborhood lunch places, it took about 10 seconds before I realized that the guy standing behind me was the same guy who paid Dirk Diggler to, umm, pleasure himself outside the church in "Boogie Nights."

So that left me with three choices:

A. Tell him that I "loved you in 'Boogie Nights,'" followed by him spending the next 10 minutes wondering if that meant I loved him in 'Boogie Nights,' or I just love scenes where guys pay former porn stars to pleasure themselves outside a church, followed by their friends beating the hell out of them.

B. Wait to pick up my sandwich, make eye contact with him, then tell him as calmly as possible, "It's 5 dollars if you want to see it, 10 dollars if you want me to (bleep) the sandwich off."

C. Stand there debating Option A vs. Option B for 10 minutes, do nothing, get my sandwich and leave.

(Needless to say, I chose Option C. I'm a wuss. Back to the game.)

10-04-2006, 08:55 AM
a) B would've been a sweet choice
b) Who the hell recognizes such a minor actor? How many damn times has Bill Simmons watched that movie?

10-04-2006, 08:58 AM
I would have complimented him on his grisly death scene in Deadwood.

10-04-2006, 09:46 AM
You like him because he's like your twin thinker or something!! I laugh at about half of what he writes, the rest of it I usually don't get because of my lack of experience in sports knowledge.

The Rick
10-04-2006, 11:10 AM
Simmons is my favorite sports columnist. Always look forward to his columns. Maybe it's because we're near the same age and watch a lot of the same stuff on TV, but his pop culture references always hit home with me and have me rolling.

I've been meaning to pick up his book for a while. Looks like a good read.

10-04-2006, 11:14 AM
in all seriousness i would have chosen B I would have taken the sandwhich and put it down my pants and pulled it out through the zipper to make it look like a penis then used meatballs to look like real life human male testicals. I may have gotten sauce on my wal mart jeans, but atleast I think the guy would have liked my effort.

10-04-2006, 01:06 PM
Simmons is brilliant. I can see where Boston homerism would be annoying, but just ignore that stuff. He's the prototypical sports fan, so of course he's a homer, and he doesn't really make any bones about it.

10-04-2006, 02:24 PM
Simmons is great....but he doesnt have much love for the midwest or the chiefs....

In fact, he's been a bit harsh on them in his columns this year especially....

But still the funniest columnist out there....

'Hamas' Jenkins
10-04-2006, 02:29 PM
Simmons has hated the Chiefs since '03, Can't stand the Cards, but does show a lot of love for Joe Po in the KC Star (has called him a great columnist a couple of times)...I'd hold off on buying his book, because it's just a regurgitation of his various Sox columns. If you get a free trial of Insider for two weeks you can essentially read his "book" for free.