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Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 01:23 AM
Seriously. An idea for a very short narrative, or something. Do it, and if you're nice, I'll share it with you.

tk13
10-10-2006, 01:26 AM
Roaches vs. Chiggers: The Bug Wars 2006

CosmicPal
10-10-2006, 01:31 AM
Write a short narrative of you discovering Jim Morrison is alive and well and living in a tenement outside St. Petersburg, Russia.

He's 62 years old now and has been out of the public eye since, of course, 1971.

You somehow coax him into talking with you as you've "been on his trail for the past few years" when someone in a Paris joint blatantly mentioned Jim was still alive and that he met him at a bar and Jim told him he was planning an elaborate, foil-proof, plan to fake his own demise and go into hiding on what was supposedly his last night on earth.

The story is then nothing but a remarkable conversation with a historical rock legend who's now making himself public.

:shrug:

KcMizzou
10-10-2006, 01:31 AM
Roaches vs. Chiggers: The Bug Wars 2006Brilliant!

Demonpenz
10-10-2006, 01:33 AM
roaches vrs bong water

SLAG
10-10-2006, 01:33 AM
Write about Dick Vermiel and the Coaching Genious he was-

and how Al Saunders should have replaced him as head coach

KcMizzou
10-10-2006, 01:33 AM
Write a short narrative of you discovering Jim Morrison is alive and well and living in a tenement outside St. Petersburg, Russia.

He's 62 years old now and has been out of the public eye since, of course, 1971.

You somehow coax him into talking with you as you've "been on his trail for the past few years" when someone in a Paris joint blatantly mentioned Jim was still alive and that he met him at a bar and told him he was planning an elaborate, foil-proof, plan to fake his own demise and go into hiding on what was supposedly his last night on earth.

The story is then nothing but a remarkable conversation with a historical rock legend who's now making himself public.

:shrug:
All joking aside, I'd love to read that. You should work on it, Cosmic. If you're into that sort of thing.

pr_capone
10-10-2006, 01:34 AM
Seriously. An idea for a very short narrative, or something. Do it, and if you're nice, I'll share it with you.

The benefits of a reach-around?

CosmicPal
10-10-2006, 01:36 AM
All joking aside, I'd love to read that. You should work on it, Cosmic. If you're into that sort of thing.

Actually, It's one of those stories I've been considering. As soon as I'm done with SWM, I'd love to go back and do some reseach on the Doors and Jim Morrison and then consider something like that.

Smed1065
10-10-2006, 01:42 AM
MJ versus alcohol if it is a college paper, works everytime.......


Did for me because I had facts.. :)

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 02:05 AM
        General Jones chewed at his chiggar nervously, having declined the offer of a light. The problems were almost too much to deal with, and the smoke would only be a distraction to the serious work that was to be undertaken. The time had come to launch the offensive, but things had gone awry quickly and monumentally.
        "What we need, sir, is--", the Captain was cut off by the Major.
        "What we need, Al, is a few capable officers who won't allow us to be overrun by a bunch of no-good cockroaches. Those bastards have taken far too many good mites' lives for us to sit back here twiddling our thumbs."
        "I understand, General, but our only remaining option is to launch Operation Autumn."
        "No. I refuse to believe that such drastic measures are necessary just yet."
        "We've lost millions of soldiers on the eastern front in the past few hours alone. If we don't do something drastic now, we may not have the chance later."
        "Very well, inform everyone and start preparations. This will be a defining day in our history; if we're lucky enough to even have a history in the coming weeks."
        In the roach command HQ on the eastern front, the mood was considerably less tense. After a resounding victory earlier, all were feeling confident of their ability to eventually quash the pests once and for all. Unbeknownst to them, annihilation lay just hours away. Commandant Jacoby was delivering a speech to a gathering of thousands of soldiers when he received word of the birth of his children. He received his congratulations and settled down to rest, when his good friend, Lt. Eskandarion, arrived.
        "So Jake, how are the bouncing bundles?"
        "Oh, they're great, Ted. Thirty boys and fifteen girls, can you believe it?"
        "That's amazing. I'm sure the first thing you're going to do when this unpleasantness is over is run right out and introduce them to their daddy."
        "You know it, Ted. So, how are things going out there?"
        "The war could be over by the end of the day, and if the grapevine was accurate, we may be giving them a chance to surrender within the next couple of hours."
        "Wonderful, Ted. I want to get back home as soon as possible."
        "You know, we're not so different from them, and it's a shame we have to fight in the first place. They have such spirit, and I canít help but admire them; even if they would rather see me dead than breathing."
        "War is hell, but we have to win to preserve our way of--do you hear something?"
        "I--what is that?"
        At that precise moment, the two roach officers, as well as upwards of forty thousand other roach soldiers, were all but erased from existence. Never would Commandant Jacoby see his latest, and final, batch of children, and never would Ted, an aspiring artist prior to being drafted, write another poem. The enormous collection of millions of kamikazes spelled an immediate, total end to the bloodiest war in the history of McCormack Park. They were crushed, but in doing so, crushed the brunt of the roach army. Bodies of heroic insects were strewn about the countryside.
        Operation Autumn was an unmitigated success, but with a cost of countless lives and much pain and suffering. The bodies of heroic insects were strewn about the countryside, with nothing to show for their efforts in the end but a return to the previous status quo. A cease fire was drawn up and enacted at once, and an uneasy peace remained until the winter.

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 02:12 AM
See, people? Was it really so hard to take things seriously for a moment?

Smed1065
10-10-2006, 02:13 AM
I understand some but I work for orkin and it takes time to kill roaches. they lay eggs and nothing penetrates the egg cells which last up to 6 months. Good theory but if the teacher has knowledge, it might be downgraded to a C because of the no research...

Not trying to down you, but facts are facts....

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 02:14 AM
You misunderestimated the fight in these chiggers' hearts. Total annihilation means TOTAL ANNIHILATION when they set their minds to it.

KcMizzou
10-10-2006, 02:16 AM
Roaches are vile, nasty creatures. They creep me out. I'm glad the chiggers won.

tk13
10-10-2006, 02:17 AM
LMAO LMAO

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 02:18 AM
Chiggers don't win, they merely survive. No Mission Accomplished banners or anything.

KcMizzou
10-10-2006, 02:25 AM
Chiggers don't win, they merely survive. No Mission Accomplished banners or anything.Understood... damnit. :sulk:

Honorable little bastards, though.

Fight the good fight, fellas!!

KcMizzou
10-10-2006, 02:29 AM
Just so ya know...

This thread clearly illustrates why Chiefsplanet is the best NFL BB ever.

Where else can you get shit like this?

Psi's like Rainman on acid. It's amazing.

tk13
10-10-2006, 02:32 AM
We need more threads like this one. A brilliant story, with dark undertones relating to the North Korea situation, this epic tale works on so many levels. Mr. Peanut has done it again. 6 legs up.

Fried Meat Ball!
10-10-2006, 05:59 AM
I understand some but I work for orkin and it takes time to kill roaches. they lay eggs and nothing penetrates the egg cells which last up to 6 months. Good theory but if the teacher has knowledge, it might be downgraded to a C because of the no research...

Not trying to down you, but facts are facts....
I hate Orkin. They tried to poison my cats. Their "pet safe" self-contained rodent baits aren't so "pet safe" or self-contained. Nor was it safe if the animals ate it, like THREE of the customer service reps told me. Appears as though it's little more than DECON in a bait station.

Dartgod
10-10-2006, 06:39 AM
I hate Orkin. They tried to poison my cats. Their "pet safe" self-contained rodent baits aren't so "pet safe" or self-contained. Nor was it safe if the animals ate it, like THREE of the customer service reps told me. Appears as though it's little more than a bowl of antifreeze in a bait station..
Fixed your post...

seclark
10-10-2006, 07:10 AM
Understood... damnit. :sulk:

Honorable little bastards, though.

Fight the good fight, fellas!!
chiggers have no honor...they don't hesitate to go for your nuts.
sec

Bwana
10-10-2006, 07:14 AM
Find out why this guy gave up his ring and who the tool was that turned it into a fargen tie clasp.

http://cgi.ebay.com/1966-KANSAS-CIT...1QQcmdZViewItem (http://cgi.ebay.com/1966-KANSAS-CITY-CHIEFS-AFL-CHAMPIONS-RING-AUTHENTIC_W0QQitemZ330036378019QQihZ014QQcategoryZ37698QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem)

blueballs
10-10-2006, 08:02 AM
the chigger is the Chiefs fan, red & leave a whelp bigger than the bitter

the roach is the Raiders fan, they wear armor, disease packing & hide from the light of day

BucEyedPea
10-10-2006, 08:08 AM
The Electric Pickle

scott free
10-10-2006, 08:20 AM
An epic piece of work UP.........Pax Chiggera!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

boogblaster
10-10-2006, 09:02 AM
Chiggers make you itch and curse..Roaches let you know your cursed.....

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 11:29 AM
I could use, like, eight more decent ideas by December.

tia kthxbai

FAX
10-10-2006, 11:30 AM
Nice job, Mr. Ultra Peanut.

FAX

Demonpenz
10-10-2006, 11:51 AM
i will bury those cockaroches!

'Hamas' Jenkins
10-10-2006, 12:19 PM
MJ versus alcohol if it is a college paper, works everytime.......


Did for me because I had facts.. :)

As someone who teaches college composition, I am f*cking sick of that paper. It's pretty much a deal-breaker at this point.

joesomebody
10-10-2006, 12:28 PM
How about a deadly strain of E-Colli in spinach?

CoMoChief
10-10-2006, 12:29 PM
Do a novel on the Anexation of Puerto Rico.


And yes this is the football play, not the historical event.

Rain Man
10-10-2006, 12:30 PM
I could use, like, eight more decent ideas by December.

tia kthxbai

A guy on a desert island talking to himself after discovering that a large number of Japanese-language newspapers have just washed up on his beach.

joesomebody
10-10-2006, 12:32 PM
A guy on a desert island talking to himself after discovering that a large number of Japanese-language newspapers have just washed up on his beach.And they are infected with E-Colli.

joesomebody
10-10-2006, 12:35 PM
OK, a somewhat serious one this time. My 1 year old golden retreiver has been running/barking lately in his sleep.
Write what a dog dreams about. He was recently uprooted from his home in Salt Lake City to rural Missouri, so I'm guessing he misses chasing Mormons.

That's it! He's dreaming that the Missouri Squirrel population is trying to convert him to Mormonism. You can go somewhat Orwellian with a religous war involved.

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 02:00 PM
Lost at sea since who knows when, family and friends
or anyone else for that matter, never to be seen again
He faces the prospect of a life lived alone
His heart still hopes for rescue
but His mind expects no such reprieve

On a microscopic island, the place He now calls home
a routine developed to secure His sanity
(ever-present loneliness excepted, of course)
Chirping along with birds, making up His own tunes
This is the only way He survives

It seems like no one else exists, or ever did before
In the distance a crash is heard, something big
washed up and pounding the rocks
The crate sits battered but firm as he fishes it out
He ponders its contents and scrabbles it open

The crate reveals its bounty, protected from the sea
He peers inside and lets out a gasp
All the news that's fit to print; a connection, if tenuous
to an entire world that seemed forever erased
There was only one minor catch

"学生は愚かな主題についての詩を書く," He sees
and the symbols mean less than nothing
He balls up a few pages and flings them back to the seas
wondering what kind of person delivers a message
to someone who can't comprehend it

A few days later, He tries to salvage something positive
from the treasure trove of dross
Looking at the pages, He creates a new world
"Emperor Marries Goat in Lavish Ceremony," in resulting fashion
as such, His amusement is long-lasting

Weeks later, He reaches the last paper in the pile
displaying the headline, "皇帝は物惜しみしない式のヤギと結婚する"
A sliver of recognition strikes, then fades away
So finding it difficult to arrive at a conclusion
He starts the pile over anew

Rain Man
10-10-2006, 04:08 PM
"皇帝は物惜しみしない式のヤギと結婚する"



Heh. I like that.

Iowanian
10-10-2006, 04:18 PM
I have 10,000 terra cotta football fans in a barn. I've been pondering renting them to various struggling professional franchises to help make their stadium look full during televised games, and to reduce the likelyhood that someone notices them pumping in artificial crowd noise.

Terra Cotta First Down Elvis is a hoot.

Write about other alternative Uses of my Terra Cotta football army.

Ultra Peanut
10-10-2006, 07:09 PM
Heh. I like that.It's a scientific fact that goats are comedy gold, no matter the language.

Simply Red
10-10-2006, 07:17 PM
See, people? Was it really so hard to take things seriously for a moment?


This falls on the "Something" side of the sentence in your thread.

Okay Okay Peanut. I think I have one.


Nevermind....

Simply Red
10-10-2006, 07:23 PM
Lots of ideas U.P.

I am struggling on the very short part of your request..

Count Zarth
10-10-2006, 07:49 PM
Write about a cheese revolution.

SNR
10-10-2006, 09:50 PM
Write about a North Dakotan college organist who saves a roomful of bikini babes from a burning building while fighting hoards of alien robots with machine guns and chainsaws

Ultra Peanut
10-17-2006, 12:02 PM
I am bored. Make something tickle my fancy.

Dark Horse
10-17-2006, 12:28 PM
A short time ago in a kingdom not so far a way, a once proud warrior ascended the throne of king Hank the Great. The kingdom was in shambles after the misguided rein of king Dick the cryin heart. The new king Herman The Hopeful, promised to restore honor to the kingdom by achieving the impossible dream of capturing the trophy of Lombardi.
The kings seer had fortold the trophy was being held hostage in the castle of the evil Lord Cowher. King Herman vowed to attack the castle of Lord Cowher and restore the trophy to it's rightful place. As the armies of King herman entered evil Lord Cowhers kingdom they found the one thing the seer had forgot to mention. King Herman exclaimed Dammit Carl! Upon seeing the Dragon. His faithful crusaders undaunted by the fiery beast attacked with standards held high and were promptly and unceremoniously devoured. The End.

Knob
10-17-2006, 12:36 PM
Seriously. An idea for a very short narrative, or something. Do it, and if you're nice, I'll share it with you.



Write about how ROYC75 has a penis in his avatar and has offended half of chiefsplanet please.

Rain Man
10-17-2006, 01:37 PM
Write about a popsicle that yearns to be a cowboy.

Dartgod
10-17-2006, 01:55 PM
Write about a popsicle that yearns to be a cowboy.
Once upon a time there was a grape popsicle that yearned to be a cowboy. Then the sun came out and he melted.

The End

Count Zarth
10-17-2006, 01:58 PM
Write about a cheese revolution.

Yes!

Rain Man
10-17-2006, 02:09 PM
Once upon a time there was a grape popsicle that yearned to be a cowboy. Then the sun came out and he melted.

The End

Why is the popsicle grape? Is this an allegory for the decline of French colonial power?

Dartgod
10-17-2006, 02:13 PM
Why is the popsicle grape? Is this an allegory for the decline of French colonial power?It's because I like grape popsicles.







And yeah, that French thing too.

Rain Man
10-17-2006, 02:14 PM
No. It's because I like grape popsicles.

That would've been my second guess.

Ultra Peanut
10-28-2006, 09:57 PM
NEEDS MORE DRAMA

scott free
10-28-2006, 10:20 PM
Write a story that breaks down the reasons why the DC forum is so frickin' annoying.

Rain Man
10-28-2006, 10:33 PM
Write about the day that Flea auditioned for the Dixie Chicks.

Direckshun
10-28-2006, 11:48 PM
I am really, really reaching with this thing. Jesus.

Rated PG-13.

===================================

It had been a long day for Bonnie May.

She had been toiling at work all day - staring out her office window as the sun rose and sank as she stirred at her desk. She signed papers, she read the reports, she authorized the designations that the department asked for. All the dirt jobs. Over time, she felt like her very life was thankless. It was just a matter of time before her life disintegrated into a pit of irreversible despair, or less likely, found some way to rejuvenate herself.

Her thoughts occasionally graced over "him." They had displayed romantic interest in each other, but in light of her own insecurity and timidness nothing was ever truly sparked. Just another path she could have wandered down and subsequently took care to avoid. No reason for it - just worked out that way. "He" did not seem like the kind to take initiative, and neither was she. The romance died, she believed, from this lack of action-taking. Now, she sits at her desk, with her thick glasses and outdated computer, as the sun once again falls on another pointless day, with absolutely nothing in her life outside of work to compensate for it.

Turned the computer off. Put her coat on. Bon picked up her briefcase and locked the office door behind her. With no company but her own shadow from the parking lot lights, she sauntered towards her automobile in silence. Started her car. Drove home.

Her experiences in the car were always a bit bittersweet. She had a deep affection for music - mostly hard rock from artists like 311, Tool, and Our Lady Peace - and often found escape from every negative aspect in her life by disappearing in the vocals of Maynard James Keenan or the bass guitar of P. Nut. Her life needed an occasional escape and music was that hatch - however she felt like that's all she had. As soon as she pulled into her driveway, turning the car off, and once again enveloping herself in dark shadow, she once again found silence to be the ultimate buzzkill - the trump card on any moment of relief.

Arriving at her door, she noticed something odd: the door seemed to be slightly opened. Walking into her house she began recalling her actions in the morning, wondering if she had, in fact, failed to shut the door properly or if someone had broken into her home. She searched the house frantically, every corner of every room as she ensured her valuables were still in her possession.

That's when she saw him. He was back.

She stood silently, her eyes remaining blinkless as she tried recollecting why exactly this was happening. That's right, she said to herself, I gave him a key. That's right, she said to herself, he never gave it back. That's right, she said to herself, I do believe I loved him once. That's right, she said to herself, the pain was so terribly horrible from their departure that she forced their relationship out of her mind over the past couple years. And that's right, she said to herself, there was still a place in her heart for him, and in a way she was glad to see him. Still attracted to him. Still aroused by him.

He would break the silence which had lasted for about five minutes. He sat there, sitting against the head of her mattress with his back firmly planted against the wall. A shadow stretched over his face, and his anxiousness added a quiver to his speaking voice.

"Bon Bon...I'd say it's time for fun fun."

Bonnie gulped - he always said that when sexually primed. But what did he want if he had suddenly reappeared in her life out of nowhere, ready for promiscuous activity? Casual love making? Or did he want to rebirth the relationship and once again rekindle what was once dekindled in a disasterous explosion? She thought for another hard minute, and decided that ultimately, she didn't care.

"...Roger?" she said, a quiver evident in her voice as well. "Is that you Roger?"

Roger jumped to his feet immediately on the bed and started tapping his foot and honking his nose while his bow-tie spun in place. "That's me, Bon Bon m'dear! Roger Rabbit - at your service! Now how's about a little fun fun?!?"

Bon stared awkwardly. This could be an invitation for pain, she thought to herself. Just then, Roger flashed his cartoon rabbit eyes at her...

"P-b-b-b-b-b-b-LEASE, Bon Bon?"

That was it. Immediate she shrugged off her shirt and shoes and proceeded to tackle him on her bed. She couldn't bridle her passion anymore in this lifetime, she thought - she had canned her emotions for the last time. She started pulling his big, red suspenders off his shoulders and slid them off his big, rabbit feet. She took his hands with the mandatory white gloves and put them on her breasts. He immediate began to fondle her, with cartoon steam coming out his ears as he pushed his wiskers against her face and kissed her intently. He began fondling at her bra as well, but seeing how his fingers were overly large and quite uncoordinated she assisted him after he fumbled around for approximately ten minutes. From there, her panties soon joined the rest of the clothing scattered on the floor and she soon sank onto Roger Rabbit's long, rabbit penis. From there she rode him furiously while he screamed out several showtunes from "Hello, Dolly!" and "Oklahoma!," all the while shooting out fireworks from his anus and into the air.

It was a great night. She would never forget it. They agreed on two things the following morning. First, that their romantic relationship could never begin again like they had at one point, but that they were both willing to continue a relationship of casual sex. The other agreement was that Roger would stop sticking his long ears in her anus when giving her cunnilingus. Even Roger himself admitted that was a little too much.

luv
10-29-2006, 12:08 AM
In my more creative days, I wrote about three college aged girls sharing a house in Southern California.

Drinking age
Sleeping with other people's boyfriends
PMS
Harrassment on the job
Even murder

Probably kind of adolescent for someone your age to write about though. How old are you again?

greg63
10-29-2006, 12:11 AM
In my more creative days, I wrote about three college aged girls sharing a house in Southern California.

Drinking age
Sleeping with other people's boyfriends
PMS
Harrassment on the job
Even murder

Probably kind of adolescent for someone your age to write about though. How old are you again?


Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys? :p

luv
10-29-2006, 12:15 AM
Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys? :p
I was in high school when I wrote it. I used people I knew as the characters, but changed their names to protect the innocent. My best friend read it, and she could tell me who each character was in real life.

Ari Chi3fs
10-29-2006, 01:56 AM
Yeah, but the Chiggers keep sending troops over, and the renegade Roaches continue to terrorize the Chigger population. Chigger Congress then appropriated 73 billion to fund the Chigger-Roach War. There is no exit strategy, and the President of Chiggers wishes to remain in battle. This is a quagmire, folks.

Ultra Peanut
10-29-2006, 04:25 AM
Yeah, but the Chiggers keep sending troops over, and the renegade Roaches continue to terrorize the Chigger population. Chigger Congress then appropriated 73 billion to fund the Chigger-Roach War. There is no exit strategy, and the President of Chiggers wishes to remain in battle. This is a quagmire, folks.Sadly, this seems very reminiscent of Fleatnam.

greg63
10-29-2006, 11:16 PM
...There once was a man fron Nan Tuckit...

Reaper16
10-30-2006, 12:13 AM
Sadly, this seems very reminiscent of Fleatnam.
Posting has reached a new zenith :clap: