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View Full Version : Have you ever felt like you were in an episode of Planet of the Apes?


JimNasium
10-15-2006, 12:37 PM
So I'm having a good Sunday morning. I get to have some coffee with extra-sugar with JennyGump and then we go get some breakfast and read the paper...great food and better conversation. Jenny had asked me to help her load and unload her newly repaired mower so we jump into the MILF-mobile and head over to the farm supply place. This is where things got weird.

Imagine that the MILF-mobile is actually the spacecraft that shuttles Charlton Heston to the Planet of the Apes. We get out of the spacecraft and enter the farm supply. I'm immediately confronted with a bunch of people that I have nothing more in common than Heston had with the super-evolved gorillas and orangutans. No problem Jim, don't make eye contact and surely no harm will come to you.

We get the ticket, make payment and are directed around back to pick up the mower. There we are greeted by a fifty-something man that is obviously not pleased by his lot in life...a life highlighted by working Sundays at a farm supply store. Things are cool up until he rolls the mower to the back of the MILF-mobile. As I'm signing for release of the mower, a voice emanates from behind me.

Him: Troy-Bilt huh? That's supposed to be a pretty good mower.

I turn around and find myself confronted by a thirty-something guy in a cowboy hat with a lazy eye. I'm momentarily speechless. Perhaps I was trying to decide which eye to look at or perhaps it was the fact that I was being asked to discuss something motorized but finally I was able to mutter "Yeah, it's been a good one so far." I bend down to fold the mower handles down so it will fit into the back of the MILF-mobile when I'm confronted with this retort.

Him: If it's been so good why did you have it here?

Me: Well, ummm....you see her son filled up the oil reservoir all the way and...

Him: Did it blow the seal?

Me: Ummm....the seal?

Now he's helping me load the mower into the back of the MILF-mobile. There is no escape. I'm trapped and being forced to converse with a brush ape. How did I end up on this planet? How will I ever get back to earth?

Him: Did the oil overfill cause you to blow a seal?

Me: No, we didn't know what was wrong. Ummm, so thanks for your help.

Him: No, problem.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I'm not on another planet. This is earth and earth has been taken over by beady-eyed, slope-headed, mouth-breathing brush apes. He extends his hand and while I was tempted to scream "Get your hands off of me you damned, dirty ape" I resisted. Instead I decided my best course of action was to shake his paw. Never, ever tease the animals.

JBucc
10-15-2006, 12:39 PM
It was nice meeting you btw.

CHIEF4EVER
10-15-2006, 12:42 PM
Have you ever felt like you were in an episode of Planet of the Apes?

Yes. Right after spending half an hour reading the "Chiefs will take Welbourne back" thread. LMAO

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 12:45 PM
It was nice meeting you btw.
I liked you hat.

Bob Dole
10-15-2006, 12:51 PM
Snob.

Did you at least offer him some of your plug tobacco?

stevieray
10-15-2006, 12:53 PM
I liked you hat.

did he like you giant silver chain that says bubba gump?

Flavor Nas

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 12:53 PM
You know what they say about brush apes....


takes one to know one.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 12:55 PM
Snob.

Did you at least offer him some of your plug tobacco?
Arturo Fuente? Havana Hon Bueno? Cohiba?

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 12:56 PM
did he like you giant silver chain that says bubba gump?

Flavor Nas
Wanna talk about rap being an extension of the blues?

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 12:57 PM
You picked up my mower, and that was nice, but you could have at least started my engine.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 12:59 PM
You picked up my mower, and that was nice, but you could have at least started my engine.
:banghead:

stevieray
10-15-2006, 01:01 PM
Wanna talk about rap being an extension of the blues?

"yo joe bob! dja git that there mower loaded up?"

"yup, I hope that feller doesn't get his dockers dirty get;n 'er out later..what kind of chimp doesn't know that overfilling the oil will blow the seal...? yukukukuk...i'll fig'r he don't even own a hammer....i'll bey that his purty sister wears the britches"

Bob Dole
10-15-2006, 01:01 PM
You picked up my mower, and that was nice, but you could have at least started my engine.

You mean the dumbass delivered the mower and didn't even hang around long enough to slap around the little man in your boat?

morphius
10-15-2006, 01:02 PM
I thought this was going to be a unshaven Jennygump story.

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 01:02 PM
You mean the dumbass delivered the mower and didn't even hang around long enough to slap around the little man in your boat?

I resent that. It's more like a life raft than a boat.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 01:02 PM
"yo joe bob! dja git that there mower loaded up?"

"yup, I hope that feller doesn't get his dockers dirty get;n 'er out later..what kind of chimp doesn't know that overfilling the oil will blow the seal...? yukukukuk...i'll fig'r he don't even own a hammer....i'll bey that his purty sister wears the britches"
LMAO LMAO

stevieray
10-15-2006, 01:03 PM
You mean the dumbass delivered the mower and didn't even hang around long enough to slap around the little man in your boat?

Laundry.

Bowser
10-15-2006, 01:03 PM
You picked up my mower, and that was nice, but you could have at least started my engine.

For your next b-day...

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 01:04 PM
For your next b-day...

You're quick.

Bowser
10-15-2006, 01:06 PM
You're quick.

Genious. Self conceded, as well.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 01:08 PM
You mean the dumbass delivered the mower and didn't even hang around long enough to slap around the little man in your boat?Ehem, coffee with extra sugar = super nookie. How cool is that?

Bowser
10-15-2006, 01:09 PM
Ehem, coffee with extra sugar = super nookie. How cool is that?

Can you get that at Starbucks?

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 01:10 PM
Ehem, coffee with extra sugar = super nookie. How cool is that?

Did you just type "super nookie"?

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 01:10 PM
Can you get that at Starbucks?
Only at the counter and only if you order a Grande.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 01:11 PM
Did you just type "super nookie"?
:( I'm so ashamed. I thought it was good for you too. :deevee:

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 01:13 PM
:( I'm so ashamed. I thought it was good for you too. :deevee:

No, no. It was wonderful. I'm just saying...."nookie"???? Next thing you are going to tell me is that you gave me the "VD". Have you been lying about your age?

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 01:14 PM
No, no. It was wonderful. I'm just saying...."nookie"???? Next thing you are going to tell me is that you gave me the "VD".
I got that from a toilet seat.

Bob Dole
10-15-2006, 01:16 PM
Ehem, coffee with extra sugar = super nookie. How cool is that?

Apparently about as cool as Hughes Net since she's on here bitching about an unstarted engine.

|Zach|
10-15-2006, 01:45 PM
Welcome to Springfield.

JimNasium
10-15-2006, 02:17 PM
It's amazing to me that someone like Skip can post a thread entitled "Have you ever eaten at McDonald's?" and receive 100 replies. I expend a little intellectual energy and can barely muster 2 pages.

Rain Man
10-15-2006, 03:47 PM
It's amazing to me that someone like Skip can post a thread entitled "Have you ever eaten at McDonald's?" and receive 100 replies. I expend a little intellectual energy and can barely muster 2 pages.

Duh. The world's been taken over by stupid people, remember? We have no idea what you're talking about.

And I went to McDonald's last week. I had a double cheeseburger.

Jenny Gump
10-15-2006, 04:04 PM
Duh. The world's been taken over by stupid people, remember? We have no idea what you're talking about.

And I went to McDonald's last week. I had a double cheeseburger.

Haven't you figured it out? This is the "Ignore Nasium" thread.