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View Full Version : Update on Huard's Condition: ANAL INFLAMMATION


vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:06 PM
Kansas City, MO October 27 2006 11:03 a.m.
Huard to Miss Seattle Start

Kansas City Chiefs starting QB Damon Huard is listed as doubtful for this Sunday's game against Seattle . Huard is suffering from severe inflammation and chapping of the gluteus maximus. The condition makes it extremely painful for Huard to sit, walk, or run and radically limits his ability to perform as an NFL quarterback.

Surgery Required
Team doctors identified the cause as a 195 pound tumor attached to Huard's posterior. After surgically removing the tumor it was determined to be a very rare form of anal algae known as footballus writerus pretendae. The tumor identifies a host organism, artificially manufactures an affectation for said host in order to differentiate itself from the dominant males in the herd, and proceeds to attach itself to the host by first repeatedly kissing the host's anus and eventually lodging it's entire head firmly in the host's rectal cavity. Science has not yet discovered a rational explanation for this behavior other than the apparent pleasure derived by the tumor from prolonged exposure to the male anal orifice.

"Nightmare"
"I couldn't shake the little freak" explained Huard.
"It's like everywhere I went there he was, trying to kiss my ass. He had a fake press pass written in crayon on the back of a Carrie Fisher Fan Club card and kept trying to ask me what he thought were football questions. It was obvious he didn't know the first thing about the game and I wanted to walk away but every time I turned my back WHAM! there he was trying to shove his head up my butt. Finally he succeeded and now I'm going to miss a game because of that frigging butt magnet.It's like a nightmare. How do they let freaks like that roam free?"

No immediate comment has been issued from One Arrowhead Drive, although Carl Peterson was overheard asking if Huard's tumor should have been charged the standard ticket price for his seat.

Count Zarth
10-27-2006, 12:08 PM
You jerk. Double nuthooks.

ChiefsCountry
10-27-2006, 12:08 PM
Oh its the Jake Plummer injury.

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:08 PM
god damnit you son of a bitch I'm going to neg rep you for thirteen minutes now...

Dartgod
10-27-2006, 12:08 PM
Nuthooks!

VonneMarie
10-27-2006, 12:09 PM
Dude, WTF? :cuss:

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:10 PM
scared the shit out of me...I'll be honest.

Croyle sucks ass.

vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:11 PM
Nuthooks!

Sorry all, I just realized the thread title was causing some heart attacks. I changed it.

StcChief
10-27-2006, 12:13 PM
I called BS when I saw who posted it. :p

FAX
10-27-2006, 12:14 PM
heart stopping ... breath slowing ... vision blurring ...

barely able to ... reach ... the neg rep ... button ...

FAX

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:14 PM
vailpass is a homo.

King_Chief_Fan
10-27-2006, 12:14 PM
Kansas City, MO October 27 2006 11:03 a.m.
Huard to Miss Seattle Start

Kansas City Chiefs starting QB Damon Huard is listed as doubtful for this Sunday's game against Seattle . Huard is suffering from severe inflammation and chapping of the gluteus maximus. The condition makes it extremely painful for Huard to sit, walk, or run and radically limits his ability to perform as an NFL quarterback.

Surgery Required
Team doctors identified the cause as a 195 pound tumor attached to Huard's posterior. After surgically removing the tumor it was determined to be a very rare form of anal algae known as footballus writerus pretendae. The tumor identifies a host organism, artificially manufactures an affectation for said host in order to differentiate itself from the dominant males in the herd, and proceeds to attach itself to the host by first repeatedly kissing the host's anus and eventually lodging it's entire head firmly in the host's rectal cavity. Science has not yet discovered a rational explanation for this behavior other than the apparent pleasure derived by the tumor from prolonged exposure to the male anal orifice.

"Nightmare"
"I couldn't shake the little freak" explained Huard.
"It's like everywhere I went there he was, trying to kiss my ass. He had a fake press pass written in crayon on the back of a Carrie Fisher Fan Club card and kept trying to ask me what he thought were football questions. It was obvious he didn't know the first thing about the game and I wanted to walk away but every time I turned my back WHAM! there he was trying to shove his head up my butt. Finally he succeeded and now I'm going to miss a game because of that frigging butt magnet.It's like a nightmare. How do they let freaks like that roam free?"

No immediate comment has been issued from One Arrowhead Drive, although Carl Peterson was overheard asking if Huard's tumor should have been charged the standard ticket price for his seat.

Donks jealousy of the Chiefs starting their rookie when the Donks have to start Plummer caused you to write this....didn't it:)

vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:16 PM
God I could use a nice tight piece of man ass. I hope vailpass is a homo.

FYP

Mr. Laz
10-27-2006, 12:16 PM
i thought it was funny

JBucc
10-27-2006, 12:17 PM
heh

gblowfish
10-27-2006, 12:18 PM
Well, if anyone would know about anal inflammation, it's Vailpass...

Easy 6
10-27-2006, 12:18 PM
I called BS when I saw who posted it. :p
Exactly.

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:19 PM
I still play Monopoly on Saturday nights because I think it's an extraordinary game. Milton Bradley must've been a genius, and I'm not talking about that baseball player for the Oakland A's, either. Shit, I was at McDonald's the other day...their version of Monopoly sucks. I was all like, get me the #1, regular, and then I found out the Monopoly pieces only come on large value meals. WTF is that shit?!?!? I was livid. You're telling me I have to upgrade my value meal to a large just to get a few Monopoly pieces. It didn't used to be like that. Total bullshit. GOD DAMN *****!

FYP

VonneMarie
10-27-2006, 12:19 PM
I called BS when I saw who posted it. :p
Yadier Molina!

http://www.endi.com/XStatic/endi/images/espanol/20061022_DepBEI_927154.jpg

Mr. Laz
10-27-2006, 12:19 PM
Well, if anyone would know about anal inflammation, it's Vailpass...
that's even funnier :)

Count Zarth
10-27-2006, 12:19 PM
You know...upon closer examination...I seem to have a similar condition.

I have vailpass-itis and FloridaBronco Disease. It's a very nasty double infection that has no cure.

If you attempt to remove the infection, it just grows back. Very persistent, like a bad fungus. Fortunately, it is not life-threatening. It's a minor annoyance.

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:20 PM
i thought it was funny
that's because your sense of humor is equivalent to a 2nd graders! (and not one of those freak advanced little kids, either. God I hate those showoff mother ****ers!)

Mr. Laz
10-27-2006, 12:21 PM
You know...upon closer examination...I seem to have a similar condition.

I have vailpass-itis and FloridaBronco Disease. It's a very nasty double infection that has no cure.

that's what you get from having unprotected anal sex with 2 guys at once.

DenverDanChiefsFan
10-27-2006, 12:21 PM
i thought it was funnyMe too - I just figured anal inflamation was VPs specialty.

Mr. Laz
10-27-2006, 12:22 PM
that's because your sense of humor is equivalent to a 2nd graders! (and not one of those freak advanced little kids, either. God I hate those showoff mother ****ers!)
might i suggest an Anger Management Class

vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:24 PM
You jerk. Double nuthooks.

C'mon, you didn't think it was even a LITTLE BIT funny?

NewChief
10-27-2006, 12:26 PM
Predictable but funny.

Fried Meat Ball!
10-27-2006, 12:27 PM
For the record...

Chiefs' Huard may not start in Sunday's game

KANSAS CITY, Mo. (AP) Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Damon Huard is nursing a sore hamstring and did not practice today and he may not start Sunday against Seattle.

Coach Herm Edwards said rookie Brodie Croyle would start if Huard can't play. He said it could be a game-day decision.

Croyle was drafted last spring out of Alabama. He worked exclusively with the first team today, while Huard watched from the sidelines. Croyle said he thinks he'll be ready Sunday "if I need to be."

Huard was injured yesterday, leaving Croyle to finish that day's practice with the first team.

Number-one quarterback Trent Green returned to limited practice this week for the first time since suffering a severe concussion on Sept. 10. He's expected to miss at least two more games.

Although Huard hadn't started a game since 2000, he has done well in Green's absence. He has passed for 1,163 yards, thrown for seven touchdowns and only one interception and compiled a quarterback rating of 96.7.

Count Zarth
10-27-2006, 12:28 PM
Here's a photo of my infection. It has spread to the lower leg:

http://img50.imageshack.us/img50/6417/13885612504f0465502uv8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

SBK
10-27-2006, 12:28 PM
Me too - I just figured anal inflamation was VPs specialty.

pick a team or I'm neg reppin you. :cuss:

:)

vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:34 PM
Here's a photo of my date last week. It's the closest thing to a piece of tail I've ever had.
http://img50.imageshack.us/img50/6417/13885612504f0465502uv8.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

FYP

Count Zarth
10-27-2006, 12:36 PM
Quote editing is lame. Then again, so are you.

Short Leash Hootie
10-27-2006, 12:37 PM
Quote editing is lame. Then again, so are you.
just fix one of his posts with something that makes absolutely no sense...I did it a few pages ago. I'm an idiot though, SOOOO....

DenverDanChiefsFan
10-27-2006, 12:37 PM
pick a team or I'm neg reppin you. :cuss:

:)What? I only root for the Chiefs. Doesn't mean the post didn't make me laugh - or stop me from thinking that VP is probably an expert on anal inflamtionROFL

carlos3652
10-27-2006, 12:39 PM
LOL - funny post Vailpass... everyone else needs to take a chill pill...

CupidStunt
10-27-2006, 12:41 PM
At least you tried.

vailpass
10-27-2006, 12:46 PM
LOL - funny post Vailpass... everyone else needs to take a chill pill...

LMAO It's fun to flush out the posters who sit when they pee.

Gonzo
10-27-2006, 12:49 PM
Lame, Quote editing is. Then again, you are too.

FYP

Halfcan
10-27-2006, 01:09 PM
nuthooks

blueballs
10-27-2006, 01:26 PM
LMAO It's fun to flush out the posters who sit when they pee.


so you're a douche bag

TinyEvel
10-27-2006, 01:34 PM
I dug it.

You guys need ot be able to take a joke (tho I never saw the original title of the post)

vailpass
10-27-2006, 01:57 PM
I dug it.

You guys need ot be able to take a joke (tho I never saw the original title of the post)

The original title was "Huard to Miss Seattle Game". Out of 400+ views there are only a few who are weeping about it; I suspect the other 395+ have a good a sense of humor much like yourself.

Geez, it's not like I posted a thread about LJ not being able to sustain last year's 6 game pace over the course of an entire season this year.... o:-)