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blueballs
12-30-2006, 06:23 PM
time
from knocking on the front door to knocking the headboard
first date extra points

Fire Me Boy!
12-30-2006, 06:26 PM
3 hours, maybe? Dinner/movie... first date. She was a whore. Ended up cheating on me later with her orchestra conductor. She was also psycho.

cheeeefs
12-30-2006, 06:27 PM
I got a number from a waitress at Olive Garden once while I was in Florida. I called her when her shift was over, picked her up at her house to go hang out on the beach at about 1AM. by 2AM we weren't knocking headboards, but sand got in places it's pretty uncomfortable to be. She was a dirty ho come to find out, so not much of an accomplishment on my part.

PunkinDrublic
12-30-2006, 06:57 PM
A couple of months ago I had just gotten off work and I was messing around online because I wasn't ready to crash out yet. I get this chick I was chatting with on IM to get on the phone with me. After talking to her on the phone for about a half hour she sounds legit and her pictures that she sends me doesn't lead me to suspect she's lying about who she is or is just an escort. Turns out this lady is on her way over to her ex boyfriends house because he kicked her out and she's trying to get a bunch of stuff back from him. After her ex refuses to let her stay she asks if she can come over and stay with me for the night. I say sure and figure if she's fugly I can just not answer the door. So she gets to my apartment about 3am after I'm directing her how to get there from across town. I watch her get out of the car and I decided that while she's not smokin hot she's cute enough for 3am plus there were no signs of a set up. Anyways after several hours of taking the beef bus to tuna town (of course I used protection), we both crash out and she leaves about 11am and I never saw her again. It was pretty sleazy how it all went down but I'd been pretty preoccupied with school and work, so I hadn't gotten the opportunity to get laid in quite some time. Time 4.5 hours

88TG88
12-30-2006, 09:34 PM
probably about 3 hours. it was at a party i get there and its slim pickens. the hottest girl there (not very hot but in comparison to others she was ok and she wasnt under age). we get to talkin and before i know shes downing beers and doing shots. shes starts asking if i have weed or any other drugs. i say no but ask her if she wants to step outside. she does and no sooner do i sit down on the front porch does she have her tongue down my throat. so me being the gentlman i am i ask her if she wants to take this to the backseat of my friends 87 oldsmobile. we do our thing and i leave after she gives me her number. never called her and im sure she was devastated never hearing from me again.

SPchief
12-31-2006, 12:21 AM
Do hookers count?

wutamess
12-31-2006, 12:26 AM
Home from school one Xmas break...
My friend hooks us up with 2 chicks at one of the chicks house in Olathe. We get there around 10pm... Immediately I'm thinking... I'd love to phluck that. So we're shooting the shit and decide to watch Scarface. Lights off...

My friend and his girl he'd been talking & sitting on one couch and me and the chick I'm interested in on her other couch. At first we sat on the couch like at different ends. By the end of the movie we're both basically leaning our heads to the middle of the couch flirting, etc.

Movie over...
My friend is ready to leave with his friend as it's about 1pmish... He asks me am I ready to go. I tell him, "nope, I'm staying" (I haven't asked for her approval or anything). As soon as the door shuts she's polishing the knob before we go upstairs and sign the contract.
One of the best nights of my life.

Funny thing is... if she was a slut... she was a high priced slut. She lived in a REALLY NICE NEIGHBORHOOD.

Bugeater
12-31-2006, 12:27 AM
Hookers! Now there's a temporary solution!

wutamess
12-31-2006, 12:35 AM
Another time (Not so proud of this one)... This was before adultfriendfinder charged and in my (once again) bored college days. This time I was home over the summer.

Hooked up with some chick after emailing & talking with her on the phone. It took about 30 minutes after meeting her in person before we signed the contract.

Another one... Met this chick in the club... Used to be called Tucan Sam's on 85th and Wornall. Got her # and spoke to her for about 1 hour before she was telling me what she wanted to do to me. I thought she was talking shit until I went over her house around 2am & she came to the door with a see-through robe on & no panties.

I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. small talk small talk small talk... Then she straddles me and starts giving me a lap dance. 30 minutes within meeting her outside the club to sign that contract.

On the reverse side of that... We were in college my sophomore year and one of my friends had his own apartment and had some chicks over & one was for me. To make a long story short... I must've spent 5 hours straight trying to sign that contract. She wasn't budging because she said I wouldn't talk to her the next day if we did.

I finally gave up (after 5 hours). I got to my dorm room and my balls hurt so bad they mad my stomach hurt. Before that, I only heard about the blue balls feeling. I went straight to the shower to relieve myself while taking a shower. Best damn feeling EVA.

Next night we were to go over there. She was upset I didn't come over because she wanted to give me some the next night. By that point, I was so pissed about the night before I wouldn't have touched her cooter with GoChiefs rod.

BWillie
12-31-2006, 12:55 AM
You gotta use myspace man, it's so easy and alot of the time they talk to you first. I think it's the most efficient way to pick up whores. That way no chicks I know or guys I know will know these girls originally, and that means less drama, which is a very good thing. I can't tell you how many fights I've had in high school and some in college regarding stupid issues with girls. Not only is it efficient, but if u meet them and don't ever want to talk to them again, you don't have to. It's easy to screen too, you can pretty much figure out from their profile if they are crazy or gold diggers, etc. Chicks on myspace are so crazy horny it's not even fair, and when you both don't have any social connection to common family or friends chicks will screw you alot more because nobody will know about it.

But to answer the question, the fastest after I've met a girl to me sleeping with them wasn't from finding them online. It was during spring break last year. It was at the end of the night, club was closing down, and I was annihilated. As me and my buddies stumbled out, I asked a chick what she thought about casual sex. She kinda laughed at first, and we talked for maybe 3-4 minutes. You know, typical drunk talk. Then she's like so where do you want to go? And well, the beach was only about 2 blocks away so that was where the magic occured. I'm sure there was literally sand in her giner when we were done.

Time from first word spoken to each other until the genital fricton ocurred......about 12 minutes.

wutamess
12-31-2006, 12:58 AM
Oh... forgot PERSONAL BEST.

My dad used to throw some hella parties over the summer (I'm talking 200-300 people attending) in his backyard. Anyhow, my distant relative cousin brings over a friend that's already shit faced. Introduced as soon as they come to party. We go to fix plates and sit down in T.V. room. She asks where's the bathroom to wash the bbq sauce off her hands.

I took her and as soon as she finished washing her hands I was on her & we went into the next room and signed the contract.

She was pissed because I was 2-minute man. I just wanted to quickly get out of the room we were in (my-dad's). That must've been about 15 minutes introduction to signing the contract.

wutamess
12-31-2006, 01:02 AM
You gotta use myspace man, it's so easy and alot of the time they talk to you first. I think it's the most efficient way to pick up whores. That way no chicks I know or guys I know will know these girls, and that means less drama, which is a good thing. Not only is it efficient, but if u meet them and don't ever want to talk to them again, you don't have to. It's easy to screen too, you can pretty much figure out from their profile if they are crazy or gold diggers, etc. Chicks on myspace are so crazy horny it's not even fair, and when you both don't have any social connection to common family or friends chicks will screw you alot more because nobody will know about it.


Happily married now. Now it's more of a question of what's the shortest amount of times between sessions?

Someone will put your suggestion to use though I'm sure.

T-post Tom
12-31-2006, 01:28 AM
And this one time, at band camp...

Rausch
12-31-2006, 02:55 AM
I have a good one but I save it for people who show up to events.

Ask me about Denise...

Douche Baggins
01-13-2009, 06:58 PM
This thread requires more replies.

KChiefs1
01-13-2009, 07:27 PM
30 seconds on the 4th date....
she answered the door naked & said, "why wait because I know we'll end up there in 5 hours anyway."

BigVE
01-13-2009, 07:28 PM
This thread requires more replies.

This threads over 2 years old and you STILL have nothing to add?

philfree
01-13-2009, 07:59 PM
I can't recall but when I was younger living at mom and dads I'd be asleep in the basement anly to be awakened by a female who through the basement door or by the dog barking who had'em tree'd on the hood of thier car. I was pretty easy in that situation so they had their way with me just as soon as the joint was smoked. Yeah they brought that too! Or my lil sisters friend who would call me and then drive around the corner to pick me up in the side yard. It was a secret but she'd pick me up and I've one ready to burn and by the time it was burnt we were naked in her firebird. She was almost 6' tall ....we gotter done. That was a great summer. I'd like overs please! .....Oh! And then there was that time..........

PhilFree:arrow:

Dr. Facebook Fever
01-13-2009, 08:10 PM
I scored with a chick from another high school on Senior trip. We were in the Ozarks and everyone else was busy having a dance so we snuck away to a cabin. It was fun. She was cute. I think her name was Annette. I'm pretty certain it started with an A.

She probably tells the story and says I think his name was beer man. Course she's probably a major whore and doesn't even remember.

No........ she remembers.

Oh yea time..... ummmm...... it was no more than an hour. I really don't remember it being that long. Until we did it that is. I think we were both on a mission that night.

Iowanian
01-13-2009, 08:47 PM
In college, a buddy and This guy I know...met 3 girls at a gas station. This guy I know was half full of beer and was pretty direct in his introduction and desire for the next series of events.

This guy and friend had 2 buddies with them(4 in the car).

15 minutes later, this guy I know was trying to roll her car over from the inside, while this guy's buddy was bouncing his balls on snow bank and another girls' ass. Their wallflower got in with this guy's wallflowers and listened to each other breath or something.


This guy gave her a faux-name, because this guy was in a jerk phase....this guys' friend screwed up and gave her his real name. Not long after, this guys' dipshit roomate is romancing some broad on the phone, invites her down....the chic had found out my real name and called, he worked his phone Fonzie on her. Her car broke down on the way, he went 30 miles and got her.....a few hours and beers later,this guy I knew completed a 2nd round KO. He drove her home.

I hear that guy is much classier now.

boogblaster
01-13-2009, 09:11 PM
Back in the day .. some green-buds and powder you had them standin' in line ...

Iowanian
01-13-2009, 09:13 PM
claythan rolls into the thread at light speed, trying to learn how to use the he-force.

http://i40.tinypic.com/21c9phc.jpg

Douche Baggins
01-13-2009, 09:14 PM
claythan rolls into the thread at light speed, trying to learn how to use the he-force.

http://i40.tinypic.com/21c9phc.jpg

I just met a swinger.

Skip Towne
01-13-2009, 09:16 PM
I just met a swinger.

Why are you posting in this thread?

Iowanian
01-13-2009, 09:17 PM
As posted before....its because her HUSBAND is about to break his personal record for star stuffing while sprinting from a closet door.

Douche Baggins
01-13-2009, 09:19 PM
As posted before....its because her HUSBAND is about to break his personal record for star stuffing while sprinting from a closet door.

No, he just wants to watch.

http://www.venetianmasksshop.com/images/eyes_wide_shut.jpg

Iowanian
01-13-2009, 09:21 PM
I wonder if she'll post the video on dilfhunter dot com

luv
01-13-2009, 09:22 PM
No, he just wants to watch.


Why on earth would you agree to that? You honestly want another guy watching you mishandle his wife because you have no clue what you're doing? You think he's going to give you pointers? Sometimes I think I have more respect for the sanctity of marriage than half the married people I come across, and I've never been married! Wait, maybe that's why....

Iowanian
01-13-2009, 09:25 PM
than half the married people I come across


There has to be a joke in her about a cockhold and pearl necklace for gc.

Skip Towne
01-13-2009, 09:26 PM
While I was in Korea. About 10 minutes after I walkedin the cluband paid my $2.

Psyko Tek
01-13-2009, 09:30 PM
was at a party in high school
this chick walked up to me grabbed my package and said how you doing?

so we went to the parking lot and into the back seat of my '66 Impala

15 minutes tops

probl'ly including til I go off