PDA

View Full Version : Automatic Flushers in the Crapper


sedated
01-10-2007, 04:19 PM
I really don't like these things.

They just installed them at work.

Thing flushes as soon as I stand up, then I gotta wave around and dance a little jig to get them to flush when I'm actually done. I don't see a manual flush.

Half the time I walk in there and there's half a roll of brown ass-paper floating around. yummy.

Buck
01-10-2007, 04:21 PM
Those things have to be worth some money, rip them out of the wall and sell them, problem solved.

HonestChieffan
01-10-2007, 04:27 PM
dont sit down

SLAG
01-10-2007, 04:27 PM
wrap toilet paper around it so it thinks your still there and then leave

Coach
01-10-2007, 04:28 PM
Make sure you wipe down the seat before sitting your ass on it.

noa
01-10-2007, 04:34 PM
i hate when it flushes prematurely while you're still sitting on it just because you lean forward to pull the balloons of heroin out of your ass.

Rooster
01-10-2007, 04:40 PM
Have you seen the ones that automatically put the ass gasket on for you before you sit down? They are kinda of creepy and don't seem to work very well. I have only seen them in a few airports though.

sedated
01-10-2007, 04:54 PM
ass gasket

ass gasket?

Rooster
01-10-2007, 04:58 PM
ass gasket?

The disposable thin paper things you put on the seat before you sit down. We always called them ass gaskets. :shrug:

sedated
01-10-2007, 05:03 PM
The disposable thin paper things you put on the seat before you sit down. We always called them ass gaskets. :shrug:

oh


I always used that term in a totally different way...

StcChief
01-10-2007, 05:45 PM
Put your hand on the 'eye' and then remove it to flush.

sedated
01-10-2007, 06:35 PM
Put your hand on the 'eye' and then remove it to flush.

I ain't touching that sh!t

for all I know, some herpes-infected crack-head just jerked off all over that thing

noa
01-10-2007, 06:36 PM
I ain't touching that sh!t

for all I know, some herpes-infected crack-head just jerked off all over that thing


All the cool poopers are doing it

boogblaster
01-10-2007, 06:44 PM
Is this another shit-thread ?

PinkFloyd
01-10-2007, 06:46 PM
They had those back in 1998 in Acapulco, Mexico when I was down there...

Over-Head
01-10-2007, 07:56 PM
They were created by the same 3 handed prick who invented the "spring loaded" tap you have to hold in the on position to wash your hands.

Kerberos
01-10-2007, 08:19 PM
Have you seen the ones that automatically put the ass gasket on for you before you sit down? They are kinda of creepy and don't seem to work very well. I have only seen them in a few airports though.

When I read ASS GASKET I laughed so hard I had I almost pissed myself.

That's a new one!!!!11!1

ROFL LMAO

.

journeyscarab
01-10-2007, 09:04 PM
ass gasket?
Do you need to put a little oil around the edges so it seats correctly and you can loosen it when you're done?

Iowanian
01-10-2007, 09:06 PM
I do hate it when the Electronic Eye is apparently Blinded, and I'm saluting the Brown Armada.

Frazod
01-10-2007, 09:12 PM
There is a button you can push that makes the toilet flush. They just don't design it to stand out. It's probably near the sensor on the side.

FAX
01-10-2007, 09:14 PM
If you put tape over the little potty bot's eye, would it flush all the time or not at all?

FAX

milkman
01-10-2007, 09:26 PM
I ain't touching that sh!t

for all I know, some herpes-infected crack-head just jerked off all over that thing

And yet, you'll sit on the toilet that herpes infested crack-head just jerked off all over.

KCJohnny
01-10-2007, 11:19 PM
And yet, you'll sit on the toilet that herpes infested crack-head just jerked off all over.
Does your mom know you talk like this?
Eeeewwww!

Demonpenz
01-11-2007, 12:57 AM
I remember a memo that was sent out at a company that was like

Dear whoever, For those of you who for afraid to ask. There is a button on the side of the toilet that you can push the button and make it flush. Please be courtous to the other users and press the button if your waste doesn't go down.

Thanks management

I thought? WHo the hell was afraid to ask?

el borracho
01-11-2007, 01:00 AM
You're standing up before you are done?

el borracho
01-11-2007, 01:02 AM
I remember a memo that was sent out at a company that was like

Dear whoever, For those of you who for afraid to ask. There is a button on the side of the toilet that you can push the button and make it flush. Please be courtous to the other users and press the button if your waste doesn't go down.

Thanks management

I thought? WHo the hell was afraid to ask?
Apparently, herpes infested crack-heads are a shy bunch.

luv
01-11-2007, 01:03 AM
You're standing up before you are done?
LOL....

Just what I was thinking.

Saggysack
01-11-2007, 03:09 AM
I don't know about anybody else but, I'd be glad if they installed auto flushers. You just know there are nasty people out there that get the poo on their hand and then get it on the handle when they flush.

el borracho
01-11-2007, 03:11 AM
I don't know about anybody else but, I'd be glad if they installed auto flushers. You just know there are nasty people out there that get the poo on their hand and then get it on the handle when they flush.
That is why you always kick it to flush.

cdcox
01-11-2007, 03:13 AM
They are in the middle of remodeling the bathrooms at work. They've finsihed the one on the 2nd floor, but are still remodeling the basement and first floor. I'm in the basement and have to climb two flights of stairs to get to the facilites.

But it's worth it. These are luxury accomodations. Autoflushers on both the pisser and the crapper, auto sink, auto soap, and auto paper towels. I only have to touch the main door and the door to the crapper.

And the auto crapper is perfectly calibrated. No false flushes that splash up on your backside. It flushes sometime between me fastening my pants and reaching the sink without fail.

I'm living large.

Saggysack
01-11-2007, 06:31 AM
That is why you always kick it to flush.

I don't want shit on my shoe either. Why can't people just wipe properly? Why is there always the guy that leaves streaks on the bowl? Or howabout the person that leaves poo residue on seat?

The bathroom is one of the most disgusting places there is. Leave the toilet seat up when you flush. Little water droplets of urine and fecal matter splash up on the seat when you flush. The next person that sits down, is literally sitting in poo. And the person who used the bathroom before you... well, you get the point.

Over-Head
01-11-2007, 06:45 AM
I don't want shit on my shoe either. Why can't people just wipe properly? Why is there always the guy that leaves streaks on the bowl? Or howabout the person that leaves poo residue on seat?

The bathroom is one of the most disgusting places there is. Leave the toilet seat up when you flush. Little water droplets of urine and fecal matter splash up on the seat when you flush. The next person that sits down, is literally sitting in poo. And the person who used the bathroom before you... well, you get the point.

I use a small pack sanitary wipes (the ones like in super markets for wiping down shopping cart handles) if I have to use a "public" restroom, due to the growing amount of fuggen disgusting pigs in this world who havenít the foggiest idea of what "hygiene" stands for.
And wipe the seat down first.

As for you pricks who "kick to flush" how would you like it if I came to your home and put my shoes all over your furniture?
Think about it, oneís just as bad as the other. I just love your "shoe goo" on the fluser handel.
Canít you mental marvels just grab a bit of paper towel BEFORE you enter the crapper? Or are you that stupid? 4321

seclark
01-11-2007, 08:14 AM
outhouse
sec

Kerberos
01-11-2007, 08:23 AM
That is why you always kick it to flush.


Ding Ding Ding ... We have a Winner here folks.



As for you pricks who "kick to flush" how would you like it if I came to your home and put my shoes all over your furniture?
Think about it, oneís just as bad as the other. I just love your "shoe goo" on the fluser handel.

We can just agree to disagree on this one.

If I gotta take a shit with a PRIORITY ONE, Get to the FUGGIN TOILET NOW before I sh!t my drawers, the LAST fuggin thing I'm gonna do is find some paper towel to wipe down the stinking blow hole handle.

Get done dumping off, wipe the ass clean and KICK the flusher.

Works like a champ.

BTW: Me kicking the flush handle and walking on your funiture are not in the same ballpark.... there not even the same SPORT.

:shake:

.

Skip Towne
01-11-2007, 08:24 AM
They are in the middle of remodeling the bathrooms at work. They've finsihed the one on the 2nd floor, but are still remodeling the basement and first floor. I'm in the basement and have to climb two flights of stairs to get to the facilites.

But it's worth it. These are luxury accomodations. Autoflushers on both the pisser and the crapper, auto sink, auto soap, and auto paper towels. I only have to touch the main door and the door to the crapper.

And the auto crapper is perfectly calibrated. No false flushes that splash up on your backside. It flushes sometime between me fastening my pants and reaching the sink without fail.

I'm living large.
You sure are, Seedy

Simplex3
01-11-2007, 08:48 AM
I don't know about anybody else but, I'd be glad if they installed auto flushers. You just know there are nasty people out there that get the poo on their hand and then get it on the handle when they flush.
On their hand nothing. I've got a bunch of rep for the first person that can explain to me how the hell these guys get s**t on the toilet seat and the rim under the seat. And I'm not talking about a little smear, I'm talking about actual fecal matter here.

Simplex3
01-11-2007, 08:53 AM
Another thing. I'm currently in an office with all these "don't touch stuff" bathrooms, yet I still have to open the door right after the guy who just grabbed his cock, didn't wash, and then opened the door.

If you're the guy who's doing this, let me know. I'll come by later and rub my cock on your computer keyboard. It seems by your standards that's not nasty.

ROYC75
01-11-2007, 09:02 AM
This is a shitty subject......... Plus you get shitty answers.

What else do you expect out of shit ?

Fish
01-11-2007, 09:24 AM
You're standing up before you are done?

There is a surprising number of "standup" poopers here. I'd never heard of the technique before CP.... but apparently the process involves standing up during the cleanup phase.... so to speak....

The fact that I know this makes me think I need a long vacation...

Chief Nute
01-11-2007, 09:53 AM
I don't want shit on my shoe either. Why can't people just wipe properly? Why is there always the guy that leaves streaks on the bowl? Or howabout the person that leaves poo residue on seat?

The bathroom is one of the most disgusting places there is. Leave the toilet seat up when you flush. Little water droplets of urine and fecal matter splash up on the seat when you flush. The next person that sits down, is literally sitting in poo. And the person who used the bathroom before you... well, you get the point.


I cant say that I condone leaving shit on the actual seat, however, what he **** am I supposed to do if I leave a shit streak in the middle of the bowl? I dont think I am gonna go grab some cleaning agent and get on my ****ing knees at work and clean THEIR bowl so that YOU can take a shit in a clean bowl.

However, back at the ranch.........apparently I need to to work on my bathroom etiquette anyways........I guess I was taking a dump at work the other day and some turd burgular came barging into the stall. I took responsibility because I guess I forgot to latch the damn thing shut......but how many of you guys just go barging into a stall without looking for a pair of feet first? Dumb prick.......

Kerberos
01-11-2007, 10:10 AM
I cant say that I condone leaving shit on the actual seat, however, what he **** am I supposed to do if I leave a shit streak in the middle of the bowl? I dont think I am gonna go grab some cleaning agent and get on my ****ing knees at work and clean THEIR bowl so that YOU can take a shit in a clean bowl.

However, back at the ranch.........apparently I need to to work on my bathroom etiquette anyways........I guess I was taking a dump at work the other day and some turd burgular came barging into the stall. I took responsibility because I guess I forgot to latch the damn thing shut......but how many of you guys just go barging into a stall without looking for a pair of feet first? Dumb prick.......


You didn't give the "courtesy" COUGH when someone entered the bathroom?

Dude not latching the door is the SECOND thing you did wrong.

Learn your bathroom etiquette before calling someone ELSE a Dumb Prick!

;)

.

Chief Nute
01-11-2007, 10:26 AM
You didn't give the "courtesy" COUGH when someone entered the bathroom?

Dude not latching the door is the SECOND thing you did wrong.

Learn your bathroom etiquette before calling someone ELSE a Dumb Prick!

;)

.


I usually do the cough.....but I'd been in there so long, I figured he would smell the turds and know the deal.

I literally bend down to see if I see feet.....I would hate to barge in on someone, so I take all of the necessary precautions. I cant depend on someone to cough, because seeing someone sitting there defenseless is as awkward as it gets.

journeyscarab
01-11-2007, 10:32 AM
How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ChiefButthurt
01-11-2007, 11:10 AM
Another thing. I'm currently in an office with all these "don't touch stuff" bathrooms, yet I still have to open the door right after the guy who just grabbed his cock, didn't wash, and then opened the door.

If you're the guy who's doing this, let me know. I'll come by later and rub my cock on your computer keyboard. It seems by your standards that's not nasty.

I agree. I'm gonna invent an alarm that goes off when someone flushes the urinal or the toilet AND the water doesn't turn on in the sink afterwards. The audible alarm will alert others that we either have "shithooks" OR "cockhooks" on the loose.

Chief Chief
01-11-2007, 01:40 PM
The professional term for the slangy "ass gasket" is: "keister coaster"...