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View Full Version : Never send a woman to get your oil changed


Bill Parcells
01-30-2007, 02:38 PM
<object width='425' height='357'><param name='movie' value='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/459860'></param><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><embed src='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/459860' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' width='425' height='357'></embed></object><div><a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/459860/jokeid/107871'>Never Send a Woman to Get the Oil Changed</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox_sendtofriend.aspx?id=459860&jokeid=107871'>Send To Friends</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/'>Animation Videos at JibJab</a></div>

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 02:40 PM
yeah, he was dumb for letting her pull into the garage also.

Pitt Gorilla
01-30-2007, 02:44 PM
That was a woman?

Fish
01-30-2007, 02:49 PM
yeah, he was dumb for letting her pull into the garage also.

Yeah... as uncle used to say.. "The only tits allowed in the garage are the ones on the calendar in the shitter."

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 02:54 PM
Yeah... as uncle used to say.. "The only tits allowed in the garage are the ones on the calendar in the shitter."


that's funny.

sorta on topic, my little brother got a motorcycle, when I saw it I put one of my wife's thong tampax on the back part of the seat. He asked me why the hell I did that, I said it was the international sign for a "ball free zone".

It also helps to clarify who drives and who does not.

Sure-Oz
01-30-2007, 03:00 PM
What a ****ing dumbass

Fish
01-30-2007, 03:00 PM
that's funny.

sorta on topic, my little brother got a motorcycle, when I saw it I put one of my wife's thong tampax on the back part of the seat. He asked me why the hell I did that, I said it was the international sign for a "ball free zone".

It also helps to clarify who drives and who does not.

CC... I like you... but I gotta throw this out there....

What's worse... the fact that they make thong tampax... or the fact that you admit playing with them....

Bowser
01-30-2007, 03:03 PM
Haha.

What do you want to bet that that oil change place got sued?

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:05 PM
CC... I like you... but I gotta throw this out there....

What's worse... the fact that they make thong tampax... or the fact that you admit playing with them....


well, since my wife is hot enough to wear thongs, and small enough to wear thongs while she is on the rag, I gotta say you lost me on this one....

Fish
01-30-2007, 03:13 PM
well, since my wife is hot enough to wear thongs, and small enough to wear thongs while she is on the rag, I gotta say you lost me on this one....

OK... lemme say this without trying to inject any humor in it....

Don't tell your friends you play with your wife's menstruation absorbers... no matter how small or unused they may be.... it's just bad form....

Reerun_KC
01-30-2007, 03:17 PM
well, since my wife is hot enough to wear thongs, and small enough to wear thongs while she is on the rag, I gotta say you lost me on this one....


You are never lost for words.


OH and now that CC has brought up the hotness of his wife?

http://www.scrapgarden.net/forum/images/smiles/ttiwwp.gif

Donger
01-30-2007, 03:17 PM
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7RMLt28n0-M"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7RMLt28n0-M" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:21 PM
OK... lemme say this without trying to inject any humor in it....

Don't tell your friends you play with your wife's menstruation absorbers... no matter how small or unused they may be.... it's just bad form....


you don't have your redwings yet either do you?


And when did I tell my friends anything??????







I hear what you are saying, but this is in the same arena as poop threads, and it doesn't bother me. If it bothers you, then I find mild amusement at the shock value, but nothing else. As far as bad form, well, that would explain my bad back.

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:22 PM
You are never lost for words.


OH and now that CC has brought up the hotness of his wife?

http://www.scrapgarden.net/forum/images/smiles/ttiwwp.gif


yeah, that ain't happening..... I may still be new to the planet, but I am not new to the world.

Coach
01-30-2007, 03:28 PM
The only thing that makes me go WTF is that hole in the middle of the fuggin concrete. Why even bother putting a hole there in the first place?

BigRedChief
01-30-2007, 03:29 PM
Active content removed

Thats some funny chit right thar

BigRedChief
01-30-2007, 03:30 PM
yeah, he was dumb for letting her pull into the garage also.
I always pull into the garage at those places. But he should have reacted faster and she should have been paying attention better.

Fish
01-30-2007, 03:32 PM
you don't have your redwings yet either do you?

I prefer my fish without the marinara glaze...

BucEyedPea
01-30-2007, 03:36 PM
How can you tell that's a woman driving?
Come on, don't be dumb jock luv'ers, the window is fogged.

And if you still convinced of the gender, take a look at who's directing her.
Meh!

Donger
01-30-2007, 03:38 PM
How Men And Women Change Oil
.
WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total

MEN:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Total Time Spent ???
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
$1337 Total

Short Leash Hootie
01-30-2007, 03:42 PM
CC... I like you... but I gotta throw this out there....

What's worse... the fact that they make thong tampax... or the fact that you admit playing with them....
Man...

Someone likes that guy?

He talks way too much about himself. He's been here for what, a month...and I already know he makes billions of dollars a year, his wife is super hot and thin, he invented bagels, he plays online poker, blah blah blah blah blah...I wish he'd just STFU for a few minutes...

Smed1065
01-30-2007, 03:45 PM
yeah, he was dumb for letting her pull into the garage also.

For standing in front of the vehicle.....

Bowser
01-30-2007, 03:45 PM
Man...

Someone likes that guy?

He talks way too much about himself. He's been here for what, a month...and I already know he makes billions of dollars a year, his wife is super hot and thin, he invented bagels, he plays online poker, blah blah blah blah blah...I wish he'd just STFU for a few minutes...

Next up on the 509 yard Par 5, we have ChiefsPlanet. *applause*

BigRedChief
01-30-2007, 03:47 PM
How Men And Women Change Oil
.
WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total

MEN:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Total Time Spent ???
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
$1337 Total
Funny chit man. Rep

Fish
01-30-2007, 03:48 PM
blah blah blah blah blah...I wish he'd just STFU for a few minutes...

Green > Huard

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:48 PM
Man...

Someone likes that guy?

He talks way too much about himself. He's been here for what, a month...and I already know he makes billions of dollars a year, his wife is super hot and thin, he invented bagels, he plays online poker, blah blah blah blah blah...I wish he'd just STFU for a few minutes...




you have me confused with Some other N00b.


I heart you.

Bill Parcells
01-30-2007, 03:49 PM
How can you tell that's a woman driving?
Come on, don't be dumb jock luv'ers, the window is fogged.

And if you still convinced of the gender, take a look at who's directing her.
Meh!
Look at Donger's video for proof..what are you getting so defensive for?nobody said anything about politically correct females in the Tampa area being bad drivers..unless of course you are not a good driver yourself. :p

Reerun_KC
01-30-2007, 03:50 PM
you have me confused with Some other N00b.


I heart you.


dont worry about Hootie, CC. He is just upset that the season is over and he cant cry on Huards johnson right now...

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:51 PM
I prefer my fish without the marinara glaze...


good come back, since we are on this topic now...
...you know why the tampons have a string attached to it don't you? For Dental Floss when your done :p.













that grosses me out too.

Reerun_KC
01-30-2007, 03:53 PM
good come back, since we are on this topic now...
...you know why the tampons have a string attached to it don't you? For Dental Floss when your done :p.


that grosses me out too.

Just wrong CC, Just wrong!

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 03:54 PM
Just wrong CC, Just wrong!



I said it grossed me out too.

Smed1065
01-30-2007, 03:56 PM
How Men And Women Change Oil
.
WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent:
$20.00 Oil Change
$1.00 Coffee
----------------
$21.00 Total

MEN:

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
14. Look for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.
27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
29. Begin cussing fit.
30. Throw wrench.
31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left breast.
32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
33. Beer.
34. Beer.
35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
36. Beer.
37. Lower car from jack stands
38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
40. Test drive car.
41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
42. Car gets impounded.
43. Make bail. Get car from impound yard.

Total Time Spent ???
Money Spent:
$50 parts
$12 beer
$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!
$1000 Bail
$200 Impound and towing fee
---------------------------
$1337 Total


I want my royalties too dang it!

Donger
01-30-2007, 03:57 PM
I want my royalties to dang it!

You'll get nothing.

And like it.

Bill Parcells
01-30-2007, 03:57 PM
For BEP..to make you ''feel better'' :rolleyes:

<object width='425' height='357'><param name='movie' value='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991'></param><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><embed src='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' width='425' height='357'></embed></object><div><a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/341991/jokeid/89135'>Ever Had One Of These Days?</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox_sendtofriend.aspx?id=341991&jokeid=89135'>Send To Friends</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/'>Funny Pictures at JibJab</a></div>

BucEyedPea
01-30-2007, 03:58 PM
Look at Donger's video for proof..what are you getting so defensive for?nobody said anything about politically correct females in the Tampa area being bad drivers..unless of course you are not a good driver yourself. :p
Defensive? I'm not getting defensive...I've having fun with this in a tongue-n'-cheek mock indignation. Even if I pointed out the facts! There's truth in humor.

But Donger's video...I didn't see any Dongervideo.

As far as driving goes, I win the "Best Parallel Parker" in the greater Tampa Bay area every year! I could handled that ramp in that garage. Piece-o'-cake! :p

BigRedChief
01-30-2007, 04:06 PM
You'll get nothing.

And like it.
http://www.myfolsom.com/sportsblog/caddyshack.jpg

Chief Chief
01-30-2007, 04:09 PM
The only thing that makes me go WTF is that hole in the middle of the fuggin concrete. Why even bother putting a hole there in the first place?

That's so the lube dude below can quickly access the oil pan to drain it. The best way to prevent this incident would be to place 4-inch high 'curbs' all the way around the hole to help prevent tires from plundering into the pit.

bogie
01-30-2007, 04:11 PM
For BEP..to make you ''feel better'' :rolleyes:

<object width='425' height='357'><param name='movie' value='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991'></param><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><embed src='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' width='425' height='357'></embed></object><div><a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/341991/jokeid/89135'>Ever Had One Of These Days?</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox_sendtofriend.aspx?id=341991&jokeid=89135'>Send To Friends</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/'>Funny Pictures at JibJab</a></div>


ROFL ROFL really

Smed1065
01-30-2007, 04:13 PM
You'll get nothing.

And like it.

Tell me something new, I have got use to that old idea...Sadly!

bogie
01-30-2007, 04:15 PM
:) :)

booger
01-30-2007, 04:22 PM
good come back, since we are on this topic now...
...you know why the tampons have a string attached to it don't you? For Dental Floss when your done :p.













that grosses me out too.
that's not floss.

Fuse.

Cherry bomb.

Smed1065
01-30-2007, 04:23 PM
that's not floss.

Fuse.

Cherry bomb.

So they become virgins again?

:hmmm:

Radar Chief
01-30-2007, 04:23 PM
How can you tell that's a woman driving?
Come on, don't be dumb jock luv'ers, the window is fogged.

And if you still convinced of the gender, take a look at who's directing her.
Meh!

Notice he’s try’n to steer her to’is right so she ignores that and goes straight? Then he tries to wave’er off and instead she gasses it. :doh!: Who else is gonna do the exact opposite of what a guy is try’n to tell’er? Of course it’s a chick. ;)

BigRedChief
01-30-2007, 04:25 PM
So they become virgins again?

:hmmm:
Sure. But they have to convert to Islam. They need virgins for the martyr's

booger
01-30-2007, 04:26 PM
So they become virgins again?

:hmmm:
don't know.

Never actually lit the string.


Hold on a second.

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 04:31 PM
don't know.

Never actually lit the string.


Hold on a second.


that is what it should say beside your avatar,

"Ahhh, you lit the string!"

booger
01-30-2007, 04:33 PM
LOL
that would work too.

Silock
01-30-2007, 05:06 PM
People still pay for oil changes?

Ecto-I
01-30-2007, 05:47 PM
For BEP..to make you ''feel better'' :rolleyes:

<object width='425' height='357'><param name='movie' value='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991'></param><param name='wmode' value='transparent'></param><embed src='http://www.jibjab.com/watch/341991' type='application/x-shockwave-flash' wmode='transparent' width='425' height='357'></embed></object><div><a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/jibjab/id/341991/jokeid/89135'>Ever Had One Of These Days?</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox_sendtofriend.aspx?id=341991&jokeid=89135'>Send To Friends</a> | <a href='http://www.jibjab.com/'>Funny Pictures at JibJab</a></div>
ROFL ROFL

Phobia
01-30-2007, 06:15 PM
well, since my wife is hot enough to wear thongs, and small enough to wear thongs while she is on the rag, I gotta say you lost me on this one....

Okay, we're gonna require some proof now. Seriously. Post pics or we'll just assume you're a hogger.

Phobia
01-30-2007, 06:16 PM
yeah, that ain't happening..... I may still be new to the planet, but I am not new to the world.

No, you gotta back that up, dude. I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Count Alex's Losses
01-30-2007, 06:21 PM
No one here is more full of shit than coffey.

BucEyedPea
01-30-2007, 06:24 PM
Notice he’s try’n to steer her to’is right so she ignores that and goes straight? Then he tries to wave’er off and instead she gasses it. :doh!: Who else is gonna do the exact opposite of what a guy is try’n to tell’er? Of course it’s a chick. ;)
Oh, an okie-in-the-skokie accent guy tryin' to parse this to make it seem reasonable. Still, haven't provin' it's a woman inside.. ;)

As I recall, not I'm not gonna go look again, the gassin' it was alreading in motion when he had a delayed reaction with his hands to stop...just can't stop the momentum that easily. Still, I bet it's another teen drivin' that car. :)

crazycoffey
01-30-2007, 11:09 PM
No one here is more full of shit than coffey.




we interupt your regular scheduled posting to bring you this important update.



*****BEEP***BEEP**** Man crush alert ******BEEP***BEEP******










you may now return to your posting.

Phobia
01-30-2007, 11:50 PM
Just post a pic of your hog, Coughy. We're all waiting.
http://media.funlol.com/content/img/fat-lady-on-bench.jpg

crazycoffey
01-31-2007, 12:01 AM
Just post a pic of your hog, Coughy. We're all waiting.
http://media.funlol.com/content/img/fat-lady-on-bench.jpg



hoooly crap, that is classy, I'd lick her strechmarks, mmmmhmmm.

Lzen
01-31-2007, 08:50 AM
1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

I don't know what auto parts store you go to, but dayum!! That is some expensive oil.

btw, that joke is old. Very, very old.

Skip Towne
01-31-2007, 09:07 AM
You are never lost for words.



I guess not! He is at 78 posts per day. Mouthy n00b.

Lzen
01-31-2007, 09:09 AM
That video that Donger posted was the best. ROFL I'll bet she couldn't do that again if she tried.