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ROYC75
03-16-2001, 11:12 AM
Doesn't matter if it's a 1 liner or a long one ...Send them over.

This blonde whent for a job interveiw and under education.....she put "Hooked on Phonics ".

She thought Taco Bell was a Mexican Phone Co.

Iowanian
03-16-2001, 11:16 AM
> A married couple were asleep when the
> phone rang at 2 in the morning.
> The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up
> the phone,listened a moment
> and said, "How should I know, that's 200
> miles from here!" and hung up.
> The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife
> said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
> clear."
>
> TWO
> Two blondes are walking down the street.
> One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
> She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person
> looks familiar."
> The second blonde says, "Here, let me
> see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one
> looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
>
> THREE
> A blonde suspects her boyfriend of
> cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to
> his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door
she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde
is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey,
don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're
next!"

Iowanian
03-16-2001, 11:17 AM
> FOUR
> A blonde was bragging about her knowledge
> of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I
> know all of them."
> A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of
> Wisconsin?"
> The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
>
> FIVE
> What did the blonde say to her doctor when
> he told her she was pregnant?
> "Is it mine?"
>
> SIX
> A blonde had just totaled her car in a
> horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself
> from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick
> when the state trooper arrived.
> "OH MY!" the trooper gasped. "Your car
> looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK
> ma'am?"
> "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde
> chirped." "Well, how in the world did this happen?"
> the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
> "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the
> blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from
> out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to
> the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left
> and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was
> another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
> "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her
> off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air
> freshener swinging back and forth."
>
> SEVEN
> Returning home from work, a blonde was
> shocked to find her house ransacked
> and burglarized. She telephoned the police
> at once and reported the crime.
> The police dispatcher broadcast the call
> on the channels, and a K-9 unit.
> As the K-9 officer approached the house
> with his dog on a leash, the blonde
> ran out on the porch, shuddered at the
> sight of the cop and his dog, then
> sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her
> hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions
> stolen. I call the police for help,
> and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

ROYC75
03-16-2001, 11:37 AM
A womans scocial club took a trip to Paris. As they aboarded a 2 tier bus,for fun the president took all the blondes and let them ride on top. About a hour into the sight seeing tour the Prez. went upstairs to see how the others were doing. As she got up on top,she was shocked to see that all the women were terrified,cling to there seats ,glued in,affraid to move. The prez.says,what is wrong up here,we're having fun,drink'n and party'n. One blonde spoke up and said "Yeah,But you have a driver down there and we don't"!

Raiderhader
03-16-2001, 07:35 PM
This was an e-mail sent to me-

Blonde story to end all blonde stories!

A True Story.... if she had killed herself --God forbid -- she'd be a shoe-in for the Darwin Award.

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a
nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. (REMEMBER, this is TRUE) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.


Q: how do you confuse a blonde?
A: put her in a circular room and tell her to find a corner

Q: what confuses you?
A: when she comes back and tells you she has found one

Otter
03-16-2001, 08:19 PM
I posted this one once before but hey, its worth a second look...


Another Dumb Blond Joke

A blond walks into Western Union and says she needs to get a message to her mom who is at a remote location in Central Asia. The man looks at her and says "no problem, that will be $300.00."

The women gasps "$300.00 dollars!! I don't have that kind of money!! But I'll do anything to get this message to my mom."

"Anything?!?!" the man replies. "Yes, anything."

The man tells the blond to come into the back room. The blond comes into the back room. The man tells her to shut the door. She shuts the door. The man says get on your knees. The women gets on her knees. He then tells her to pull down his zipper. She pulls down his zipper. He tell her to pull it out. She pulls it out with both hands and looks at him. He says "well - go ahead."

The blond brings it up to her mouth and says "HELLO-- MOM?!?!"

ck_IN
03-16-2001, 08:42 PM
Three pregnant women are sitting in an OB/GYN waiting room. They start making conversation and the brunette said 'I read that the gender of your baby is determined by what position you were in when it was concieved. For instance mine will be a girl because I was on top.'

The second woman, a red head, brightens and says 'Then mine will be a boy because he was on top.'

The third woman, a blonde, begins to cry. The other two console her and ask her why she's crying. Through sobs and red eyes she responds 'Then that means I'll have puppies!'

Zebedee DuBois
03-16-2001, 08:43 PM
Did you hear about the two blonds that died of exposure at the Drive-In?
The went to see "Closed for Winter"

Joe Seahawk
03-16-2001, 08:52 PM
Q: What did the blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard...

Q: How do you keep a blonde occupied for hours?
A: Write "turn page over" an both sides of a sheet of paper and give it to her...

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that said, "Disneyland Left" -- So they turned around and went home...


Man to blonde while pouring her a drink: "Say when." Blonde: "Right after this drink."

A blonde went to California and saw a sign, "Clean restroom ahead." By the time she had reached the coast, she had cleaned 68 of them..

Zebedee DuBois
03-16-2001, 09:24 PM
This is an observation, not a joke --butt..

Royce75 may have had a blond moment when typing the topic title.

We have a blond woman at work whose job is to set up shipments. This affects the workflow of many others, including my lab. She excels in "last minute setups" resulting in overtime, extra work. To which we sigh, "We've been Blond-sided again!"

KS Smitty
03-16-2001, 10:32 PM
> She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

...she thought a quarterback was a refund,

....she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:

...she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

...she thought General Motors was in the army

...she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

....she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Joe Seahawk
03-16-2001, 10:36 PM
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:



She got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the W's

Archie F. Swin
03-16-2001, 10:49 PM
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

It's not too bright and it spreads easy.







A blonde walking along a river bank sees a woman walking along the opposite bank. The blonde cries out "How do I get to the other side?"
The woman on the opposite bank ,who coincidently is also blonde, replies " you are on the other side!"

Raiderhader
03-17-2001, 08:46 PM
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?

A: She kept having affairs with men!


Q: What's dumber than two brunettes trying to build a house at the bottom of the ocean?

A: Two blondes trying to burn it down


A blonde is driving down the highway and looks into the field where she sees another blonde sitting in a row boat in the middle of the field just rowing away. She quickly turns her car around and pulls over to the side of the road and yells at the blonde in the boat, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us a bad name, and if I could swim I would come out there and kick your @$$!"

[Edited by raiderhader on 03-17-2001 at 08:49 PM]

Raiderhader
03-17-2001, 09:05 PM
Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?

Her husband was a blonde too!



A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

California Injun
03-18-2001, 10:19 PM
A CEO was interviewing for his next secretary and did not have a lot of time to do a thorough interview. Out in the waiting area was a brunette, and redhead, and a blonde. He brings in the brunette for the following exchange;

CEO: "How many D's are there in Bonanza"?

BRUNETTE: "Why, there aren't any D's in Bonanza!"

CEO: "That's correct. Thank you for your time."


The next one in for questioning is the Redhead;


CEO" "How many D's are there in Bonanza"?

REDHEAD: "Ahhhhh. there aren't any D's in Bonanza"!

CEO: "That's is indeed correct. Thanks for coming."


Finally he calls in the Dumb Blonde......

CEO: "How many D's are there in Bonanza"?

BLONDE: (counting to herself) "Why, there's 17!!!!!!!"

CEO: "Huh? Did you say 17? How did you arrive at that?"

BLONDE: That's easy!! Dum-da-da-Dum-da-da-Dum-da-da-Dum... (Starts singing the Bonanza theme song)

scooter
03-19-2001, 11:32 AM
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out
as a handyman, and started canvassing a well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you
charge?"
The blonde after looking about, said, "How about 50 dollars?
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might
need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband
"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the
house?"
The man replied "She should, she
was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"
"No....I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by
> all the 'dumb blonde' e-mail we've been receiving".
A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect
her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes" the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats".
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch,
it's a Lexus."


[Edited by scooter on 03-19-2001 at 11:35 AM]

Dommer 05
03-19-2001, 10:57 PM
Q. What did the blonde say when she put on her lipstick?

A. Oops wrong hole.

47mack
03-20-2001, 09:04 AM
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

BIG_DADDY
03-20-2001, 09:51 AM
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles

Why is a blonde like a doorknob?
Everyone gets a turn

What does a blonde say after sex?
What’s the name of this team again?
Are all you guys in the same band?

How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex?
Opens the car door

What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room

What's the difference between a blonde and your toothbrush?
You don't let your best freind borrow your toothbrush

BIG_DADDY
03-20-2001, 10:35 AM
Oh yea,

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic.