Og. Prehistoric Private Eye.

[FAX]

The cavern smelled of animal flesh and the evening fire, which had now gone cold. The shuffling sounds of waking emanated from the darkest corners of the cave as several of the tribe members began to emerge from sleep. Lug, the tribal leader was the first to rise.

Making his way to the fire stones near the cave entrance, Lug reached for his flint pouch and, not finding it on its thong, raised his head and emitted an horrific and shocking howl that sounded like both a cry of war and a sustained roar of intense agony. Shaking his great, hoary head and screaming with a fierce and guttural hoarseness, Lug began kicking at the reclining tribe members who rolled and crawled away from his sudden and unanticipated fury. From his own bedding of elk skins and pine needles, Og watched intently as Lug made his way around and through the cave attacking each man and woman in turn.

Og's mind turned on the problem. Lug mad. Lug mind bad, too. No fire. Lug no find sun stone bag.

Glancing around the cave, Og noticed the tribe's flint pouch near a dusty alcove. The flint pouch which Lug, as the group’s leader and most experienced bringer of meat, kept in his possession at all times had slipped from Lug's grasp sometime during the night. Og screamed and began hopping on his knees and, after gaining Lug's attention, pointed furiously at the alcove. Momentarily stunned by Og's outburst, Lug paused, puzzled. He then crouched as if to attack Og, but fortunately, his small, dark, narrow eyes followed Og's hand motions and a hint of recognition slowly passed over his dull-witted, weathered face as he saw the flint pouch. Lug leaped into the alcove and recovered the tribe's most valuable item clutching it to his breast, barring his teeth and hissing.

Some of the tribe members turned to go back to sleep. Others began rubbing their arms and legs where Lug’s vicious attacks had caused the most damage. Og rose and walked out of the cave to take a leak. Another case closed.

FAX

[Pestilence]

on the next CSI.

[alnorth]

:spock:

[crazycoffey]

MOMMMMMMM, Fax is smoking the crack pipe again.......






and he's not sharing.

[HemiEd]

FAX, I want to read more of this. It left me hanging! Is it a book?

[FAX]

Fax, I want to read more of this. It left me hanging! Is it a book?

Not a book, Mr. HemiEd. I envision the adventures of Og - Prehistoric PI as a sort of short story collection. Kind of like a stone age Hardy Boys series.

FAX

[Branden Albert's Huge Balls]

I demand that Larry Johnson be introduced to this prehistoric epic via time travel.

[FAX]

I demand that Larry Johnson be introduced to this prehistoric epic via time travel.

Not a bad idea, Mr. GoChiefs. I had actually considered that, in episode 7, Dick Vermeil might use some sort of time travel device to bring Og into the future to assist in locating the 2003 defense.

FAX

[HemiEd]

Not a book, Mr. HemiEd. I envision the adventures of Og - Prehistoric PI as a sort of short story collection. Kind of like a stone age Hardy Boys series.

FAX

Well put me on the customer list Mr. Fax, I have always found any information on these guys very interesting. I would enjoy reading your short stories.

MHM beat me to the Geico avatar!

[KcMizzou]

I, too, wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[HemiEd]

Not a bad idea, Mr. GoChiefs. I had actually considered that, in episode 7, Dick Vermeil might use some sort of time travel device to bring Og into the future to assist in locating the 2003 defense.

FAX


No offense to Dick Vermeil Mr. Fax, in fact I just opened a bottle of 2000 "On The Edge" Cabernet in his honor, but the 2003 Defense has been lost for a reason.

[FAX]

The Case Of The Strange Light.

The dark, azure, evening sky was just beginning to glimmer with stars and a light blue quarter moon when a sudden flash of yellow light appeared on the horizon. On a bluff a mile away, Mutta, the tribe's holy man, and Og were sharing the last of a sun-dried dog haunch when the remarkable event occurred. Curious, Mutta and Og seized their spears and set off in the direction of the light.

Upon arriving, Mutta and Og found a scorched patch of earth, several burned trees, and, in the center of the charred area, lying prostrate in the blackened grass, a pale, hairless monkey with a penis the size of a grass sprout.

Having never observed such an animal, Mutta and Og began the tribe's traditional dance of aggression, beating their chests and waving their stone-tipped spears in a highly threatening manner. Seeing this, the hairless monkey mouthed a low, broken sob and scuttled away from them on the ground. Then, huddling with his back against the burned out stump of a tree, the peculiar animal said, "My name is Taco John! How did I get here?" These sounds, of course, meant nothing to Mutta and Og, but they were intrigued by the noise and the monkey's amazingly small penis.

Og’s mind immediately went into overdrive. No penis. No hair. Make good pet. Maybe boar bait.

Using a series of hand signals and low, guttural tones, Og communicated to Mutta that they should take the monkey to the cave and present it to Lug as a gift. So, tying it with thongs, they dragged the unfamiliar animal back to the tribe’s cave.

After a brief and relatively simple ceremony, they presented Lug with the hairless monkey prize who appeared pleased and, after bashing it in the head several times with a large rock, named it “No Baby Stick” and carried it into a corner of the tribe's cave. The next day, Og took No Baby Stick into a nearby clearing and, again forced to use rocks to subdue its now constant whimpering, left it in the open and waited behind a small stand of aspen trees. Before the sun made small shadows, an enormous boar, attracted to the scent of No Baby Stick, entered the glade and began having sex with their discovery. With the boar intensely occupied with coupling, Og easily killed the swine and a great feast was held that night that included roasted pig and tribal sex with No Baby Stick in order to ensure that the sun would rise the next day.

FAX

[stumppy]

And now everybody know's where Oakland Raiders originally came from. A denver fan crossed with a wild boar.

[Zebedee DuBois]

Why was the leader, Lug, wearing a thong in the first storr?
That seems a little kinky.

[HemiEd]

No Baby stick. ROFL