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bkkcoh
03-23-2001, 10:21 AM
How is this for an uncomfortable situation?

My wife's ex-husbands step-mom died this week. The funeral is on Saturday and the wife is taking the kids to the funeral. Her ex-husband is one of those types who quit his good paying job in order to not to have to pay so he wouldn't have to pay so much in child support. He is only having to pay $107 for 3 kids a week, and at that he is over $2000 in arrearage. Our oldest son tried to get in touch with him around Christmas and wasn't able to. He has our phone number, but he hasn't tried to contact him either.

The wife doesn't want me to go to the funeral, but wants me up there? What do this sound like to you?? Good idea or bad.

JohninGpt
03-23-2001, 10:53 AM
Sounds like your wife wants you to be there for her and the kids, but also wants to prevent you from knocking the snot out of the deadbeat.
Probably a good idea. No matter how irresponsible this bonehead is, it's not his stepmoms fault, and it's her funeral. Don't ruin the funeral. Wait outside, follow him home, and take the $2k out of his hide.

John
AKA-Ann Landers on crack

Mark M
03-23-2001, 11:07 AM
Well, I don't support kicking the crap out of him (well, I kinda do. I pay my child support on time and loathe those that don't ... there is no excuse.) but I do agree with the rest of Johnin's post.

Support her and the kids. Tell the boy who tried to get a hold of him to talk to the loser and see what's up. You should probably remain in the background and be an attentive ear, nothing more, nothing less.

Just my 2˘. You're in a heckuva place and there are no easy anwers.

MM
~~AKA—Dear Abbey Post Bong Hit.

ptlyon
03-23-2001, 11:17 AM
Both are correct my friend. Remember what the reason of a funeral is for. Nothing should be said, perhaps even from your wife about that subject there. Perhaps just one hint from your wife that legal action could be taken if needed.
As far as I`m concerned, the child support issue is none of your business and should be treated as so.

Good Luck and Condolances...

bkkcoh
03-23-2001, 11:21 AM
Now, throw this monkey wrench in the works. What if the sob says something about his kids, I know they are his kids in name only. He hasn't had a darn thing to do with them for over 7 years..

BIG_DADDY
03-23-2001, 11:25 AM
You should be there to support your wife and kids but it is unreasonable to expect you not to go in. It sounds like she is doing it out of respect for him when he shows her and the kids no respect. Your the one supporting and raising his KIDS when he obviously doesn't care. If she wants to go she should support you the same way you support her and their kids.

BIG DADDY

Would assure her you will put your differences aside for the day.

BIG_DADDY
03-23-2001, 11:27 AM
bkkcoh,

If he is stupid enough to bring it up simply tell him this is not the place or time.

Iowanian
03-23-2001, 11:38 AM
There is a time and place for everything....a funeral isn't a place for confrontation.....I say go, support your kids and the wife..they both know who has and who hasn't been there...If he says something out of line, its better to "deal" with it when they aren't around to see it anyway...as far as the $$...$107 isn't enough to make much of a difference and shows the true color of the snakes belly...YELLOW.

Last summer I attended a wedding with a Girlfriend(ex now) and a guy who had date raped her sat 2 rows behind us...Every ounce of me wanted to jump the seat..but didn't...I had better opportunity a couple of weeks later to "let him know how i felt" about what he had done....that being said...It will be tough to sit still that day...and you'll probably chew a hole in your lip....but its for the best..

~I don't envy your situation.

JohninGpt
03-23-2001, 11:53 AM
Mark M
I really don't advocate beating the guy up either. I do, however despise people who don't take responsibility for their children. Can we legalise caning?

BIG_DADDY
03-23-2001, 11:54 AM
Iowanian,

You show more control than I would have. Not at the funeral but later. I think i would have pretended not to know anything and then when he least expected it, introduced him to the old Louisville Slugger.

BIG DADDY

Would have never seen me coming.

ptlyon
03-23-2001, 11:56 AM
Brian, if he attempts to say something like that then you know (and I guess you already know) what kind of person he is. It is not the time or place to "discuss" it. If he were to say something like that, then say, "Yes, well Your kids are living with Me now", and drop it. Ignore him. You can beat him at his own game, just don`t stoop to his level.

Remember. You are there for your wife and her kids. Nothing more, nothing less, and forget the rest.

______________________

~~ Looking back and thinking Brian will be Alright...

Lightning Rod
03-23-2001, 12:16 PM
There is a time and a place for everything. This is the time to take the moral high ground. In addition to that while I share your disdain for the actions and lack of responsibility shown by this man, it is important to keep a few things in mind. This is not some sort of party to honor him. It is to honor the deceased. Also many of the people in attendance have most likely been feed his version of the truth. Being a divorced father myself I have heard some real doozies.

Iowanian
03-23-2001, 01:07 PM
Bigdaddy,

maybe i should clarify that my expression of my feelings began with an overhand right...with not a word before...and "explained" it as we "went along"...I was on his home turf and alone, so it wasn't completely finished..but he completely understood my position on the issue...probably for several days.:mad:

seclark
03-23-2001, 01:20 PM
iowa!!! you freaking sucker-punched the dude???

i hope he was right in the middle of taking a drink of his beer.
sec

Iowanian
03-23-2001, 01:25 PM
sec,

I wouldn't consider what I did a sucker punch...I drank a beer and worked my mad up...walked back where he and 2 guys were playing pool...walked straight in front of him looked him in the eye...and let the devil loose..so to speak.

...the ex came in during the ruckus...and I was in trouble for months...probably a good portion of the demise of that situation.

BIG_DADDY
03-23-2001, 01:33 PM
Iowanian,

Good for you. Just went up several notches in BIG DADDYS book.

Iowanian
03-23-2001, 01:58 PM
bd,

I guess its my nature to take care of business. I'm the oldest of my siblings, and of my large family of cousins and have always been given the job of being "the enforcer"...I've never been physically big and always dealt with the "i'm bigger than you" guys/kids...i learned early not to take any crap and got a chronic case of "little man's disease"...kept people from screwing with my family, and gave me a way to "deal" with theives and bullies.I found out 14 years after a close family memeber was molested and did the exact same thing to that guy..if the law doesn't take care of things..i always will..sometimes getting me in trouble...but oh well....I don't like that kind of trouble, but if something is serious enough to fight..there isn't much need to "talk" about it and push and shove....when most people were bigger than me...you have to get the drop on em'.

~not proud, but i can sleep at night...and wouldn't if i didn't...if that makes any sense.

ChiefsFanatic
03-23-2001, 03:19 PM
Any body who dates rapes a women deserves reservation at the local prison on "date night".

When I met my sister-in-law she had a 6 month old baby. I have been this childs uncle now for 9 years. Her husband divorced her when the child was one, and off and on has payed much less in child support because my sister-in-law didn't force it. A few months ago he told her he was not going to pay anymore because he needed the money for his new wife and the baby they had together. At the time he was paying $326. She went through the state and she was just awarded $779 a month. He works at Ford and makes $5000 a month, and he had been lying to her about where he works.

This guy is so slimy that he has not spoken a word to his daughter in 8 years, and stopped telling his mother his address and phone number because she always gave it to my sister-in-law.

The point to this story is that when I see him, no matter where it is, I am going to beat his a$$ until he can't stand, and then I am going to sit on him and beat his a$$ some more. And he better hope that someone who cares enough about him is there to stop me.

So, bkkcoh, I think anywhere this guy gets it is fine. If you have to wait for after the funeral, use that extra time to "get your mad up."

Mult9
03-24-2001, 09:50 PM
Although it may feel good to stomp this guy lower than whale s#!t, it will not be worth it to you. The low life scum sucker will probably sue you and ruin your life.

I'm a firm believer of what goes around comes around. This guy will get his one way or another.

When I act out the ******* in me, it always catches me in spades.

Let him live in his own feces, he won't need your help to go down the tubes.

LOL

bkkcoh
03-24-2001, 10:56 PM
Guys, we are back from the funeral.

It was kind of funny. Remember, he hadn't seen any of the kids for around 7 years. He went to hug the DJ, the youngest, and DJ said, 'Step back, please!' I wish I could have seen the sob's face. DJ then said when we get back to the van are we going to have lunch with daddy. That put a smile on my face. The ex made a comment about the kids sure grew up fast, and the wife said, no not really if you would have seen them every week. The wife was real relieved to get the situation over with. I guess the interesting thing now is, is he going to stay out of their lives for another 7 years.

ptlyon
03-26-2001, 09:21 AM
Glad everything worked out for you Brian. And once again, my condolances.

ct
03-26-2001, 09:44 AM
Guess this is case in point that nothing will hurt this guy more than his own kids demonstrating they are well aware of just what kind of person he is. If I were you, I'd give DJ the biggest praise I could possibly come up with.

BTW, I'm in a situation not far from you, excluding the leftover credit problems. My wife's X has just about zero interest in his son, now 10. He has a new family, with 2 kids, and a third on the way with his 2nd wife. He's just about NEVER paid any child support, and the few times we've arranged to split some expenses, such as summer camp, he's left us holding the bag. Our income is much greater than thiers, so it doesn't hurt us too much to clean up, and has always been the reason we don't push the issue on him. But the issue is just under the surface, and has been made very clear to him, should he pull anything, we got the goods to bury his arse for many many years. This tends to keep him in line, and keeps us in good control of the relationship situation. None of which does a damn bit of good the the kid, who desparately wants his 'Dad' to be part of his life, yet he gets burned every time. I think he's very close to pulling one of those DJ moves, and I anxiously await the day!

BIG_DADDY
03-26-2001, 10:37 AM
ptlyon,

Really good to hear everything worked out. I have a godson that I help support and raise. Like Corys situation this kids father has never paid any support and has only talked to him once when he was 6. That was a phone call. When your own child will not acknowledge you as their father that has to hurts them more than anything we can do. I certainly agree with that sentiment. The world could sure use alot more people like you. God bless you and your family. I am sure you will make all the difference in those kids lives. You will also receive all of the rewards.