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View Full Version : What is the appropriate age for "the talk"?


Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 03:16 PM
As a parent of an 8 year old, I often tell myself that he is "far to young to be thinking about sex, drugs, etc." I have already begun the drug talks. I have even brought him here, to the Planet, to show the affects drugs can have. :)

With how kids seem to be more interested in these types of things at a younger age than I was, I am starting to wonder if I am being completely naive to what my oldest knows about and talks about to his friends.



So, the short version - what is the appropriate age for the birds & bees talk nowadays?

ROYC75
04-25-2007, 03:20 PM
I told III this at age 10, he spent the next 3 days outside with a pair of binoculars on..........

SLAG
04-25-2007, 03:20 PM
4th grade

CosmicPal
04-25-2007, 03:23 PM
I'd show him how it's done.

StcChief
04-25-2007, 03:24 PM
I'll Go with SLAG

now a adays likely 4th Grade. Old enough and attention span for the conversation.

What is done at your school regarding drug talk.

SEX maybe 5th.

Iowanian
04-25-2007, 03:26 PM
Have Monte Python teach him about the act of mating.....

Show him some old Quicksurfer posts to show the danger of the other.

Drug talk now......the other in 5th grade.

Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 03:28 PM
I'll Go with SLAG

now a adays likely 4th Grade. Old enough and attention span for the conversation.

What is done at your school regarding drug talk.

SEX maybe 5th.


They've been talking about "Say no to drugs" and all that jazz. Same stuff that I went through, but much later in life.

I've done the same with him. Talk about what to do if someone offers him drugs, etc. Not going into to many details, just trying to set a foundation to build upon as he gets older.

wutamess
04-25-2007, 03:28 PM
My daughter just turned 10. I gave her "the talk" around 6 mos ago. It's hard to wait too long with the influences T.V. has on the childs brain. Sex is everywhere (even with the filter).

I know she's curious but she knows we can talk candidly about the subject as I've busted her on ifilm looking at a comedians (sexual positions) video Thank God for History feature.

And she was only on there trying to find music videos.

She thought she'd get in trouble when I gave her the opportunity to come clean. I told her she'd get in trouble the next time though and to ask me about it if she has any questions and I'd answer them.

Next freaking question out of her mouth is... "do you and mama do those positions". I responded with... "Your mama's a freak". Of course the wifey didn't like it too well but it let my daughter know that I'd candidly (probably too honest) answer her ?'s.

BTW: The school had them watch a video about sex (a coupla weeks ago) and had a Q&A afterwards. The daughter still had questions and I answered them that night.

Boys... I think I'd wait a year depending on the child. They develop slower than girls. Childern as a whole grow up so fast these days. I wasn't thinking about nothing but playing outside at that age (aside from the "show me yours I'll show you mine" with the distant cousin)

Reerun_KC
04-25-2007, 03:32 PM
Been talking to my daughter about it since she was 10 or 11.. She is now 14 and understands that men are worthless shit bags...

Chiefnj
04-25-2007, 03:34 PM
For the drug talk I'd suggest playing Requiem For a Dream for the lad. That should discourage him for a few years.

Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 03:36 PM
Dear God. I've got a baby daughter on the way (due in Sept) and I can only imagine how I will be when she gets to this age. Luckily, she will have 3 older brothers that I will teach to beat up any boy that comes with in touching distance of her.

htismaqe
04-25-2007, 03:37 PM
I'm gonna tell my kids that if anyone ever offers them drugs, bring them to me immediately.

BigRock
04-25-2007, 03:39 PM
Man, 5th grade seems awfully late for a sex talk, IMO. When I was in 3rd grade my friends were sneaking their older brothers' Playboys out of the house to show the rest of us, and we had our first "health" class about it during 4th grade. And that was over 15 years ago.

I don't have kids, but I can only assume that, like every generation, they find out about this stuff younger and younger. I'd say like... when they're 8 or 9.

Iowanian
04-25-2007, 03:40 PM
My wife will be tasked with speaking on the sex topics with any daughters, I'll tend to the boys.

I don't think I could have that chat with a daughter..boyond the

"you tell all the boys If you See a Pickle, your daddy will pull it out and show them the roots".

htismaqe
04-25-2007, 03:43 PM
I'm worried about the whole sex talk with my girls. I don't have any boys, and I'm a goddamn pervert.

kstater
04-25-2007, 03:44 PM
For the drug talk I'd suggest playing Requiem For a Dream for the lad. That should discourage him for a few years.


Yeah I'd do that. Great movie, but I know it will probably freak out the kids.

wutamess
04-25-2007, 03:45 PM
My wife will be tasked with speaking on the sex topics with any daughters, I'll tend to the boys.

I don't think I could have that chat with a daughter..boyond the

"you tell all the boys If you See a Pickle, your daddy will pull it out and show them the roots".

We thought about that approach but my wife doesn't know how we think and the daughter seems to know I won't sugarcoat any of it as nothing is sugar coated in this world when it's presented to her. Somehow... I don't think she likes the toned down versions the mother gives her.

Basically we both do it and add on when we need to.
It helps we all sit @ the dinner table everyday. Keeps communication open. With 3.75 kids... Sometimes TOO open.

Baby Lee
04-25-2007, 03:51 PM
A nice slutty 8yo girl showed my 7yo ass the ropes, sparing my dad the ordeal. Not that he was aware of that particular afternoon delight, but somehow by telepathy he knew growing up that I somewhere, somehow knew what was up.

Chief Chief
04-25-2007, 03:52 PM
At my kids' elementary school, the staff does D.A.R.E.-type activities with ALL the kids from K-5th grades. As far as sex-related information, only the 5th graders get that stuff.

Cochise
04-25-2007, 03:55 PM
I never got a talk at all. I'm still wondering where the hell they come from.

Baconeater
04-25-2007, 03:59 PM
I learned everything I know from National Geographic videos.

JimNasium
04-25-2007, 04:54 PM
I talked to my fourth grader in the Fall. At first she was uncomfortable and I gave her a book and told her to come back and talk to me when she was ready. She came back a month later and we finished it up. My advice is don't force it on them but give them the opportunity before their friends do.

stlchiefs
04-25-2007, 04:56 PM
Just leave it to the pornos under the kids best friend's dad's bed.

Adept Havelock
04-25-2007, 05:00 PM
I learned about it from a neighbor girl one summer in St. Louis when I was 10 or 11...

Sounds about the right age to me.

|Zach|
04-25-2007, 05:02 PM
I'm worried about the whole sex talk with my girls. I don't have any boys, and I'm a goddamn pervert.
ROFL

siberian khatru
04-25-2007, 05:03 PM
I figure they'll find Daddy's bookmarks on the computer eventually and figure it out for themselves.

CoMoChief
04-25-2007, 05:03 PM
I knew in 1st grade from my friends. The boys more than likely will know before you tell them. At least if you dont be a pussy and raise your kid around Disney all the time.

patteeu
04-25-2007, 05:43 PM
My wife handles it with our two girls. She started having annual talks with each of them when they were about 6. I don't know exactly what they talk about because she takes each of them away, individually, for a "special day" of shopping, eating, talking, and hanging out while I take the other one to a go see a movie or something. She bought a couple of books that she used for their early years to talk about anatomy and friendships and things like that. In subsequent years the talks cover more explicit sex topics and boyfriends.

So far it seems to be working because they are 12 and 9 now and they still aren't pregnant. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the next few years.

stlchiefs
04-25-2007, 06:18 PM
12 & 9 and no pregnancies? Father of the year right here folks. :) Just keep the keys for the chastity belts well hidden Patteeu.

memyselfI
04-25-2007, 06:22 PM
My wife handles it with our two girls. She started having annual talks with each of them when they were about 6. I don't know exactly what they talk about because she takes each of them away, individually, for a "special day" of shopping, eating, talking, and hanging out while I take the other one to a go see a movie or something. She bought a couple of books that she used for their early years to talk about anatomy and friendships and things like that. In subsequent years the talks cover more explicit sex topics and boyfriends.

So far it seems to be working because they are 12 and 9 now and they still aren't pregnant. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the next few years.

You do realize that at some point you will need to talk to them about this as well and the longer you wait the more difficult and less receptive they will be...

memyselfI
04-25-2007, 06:24 PM
There is no set age. It's a matter of maturity and circumstance instead. Our older son is very mature and yet we didn't discuss things with him until he was approx. 11. My younger son, having an older brother and hearing lots of things, is much less mature but we've had to discuss things with him at age 9.

Jenny Gump
04-25-2007, 06:56 PM
My son is 8 (3rd grade) and must feel that he can talk to me because we discussed erections last night. Caught me a little off guard, but I have been slowly giving him small doses. I can tell he isn't quite ready for the full talk yet, but he has asked about certain things, like "periods" for example.

I have always given him information in straight up terms, with the correct names of parts, I think that's important, but its kind of funny...until he was 6 he called it a "peanut" instead of penis. I would correct him, but he went straight back to peanut.

I gotta say though, its kind of nice to know he will ask his stupid "old" mom questions if he needs to. His dad and I plan to have the full talk probably this summer. The biggest thing I am worried about is my son then "educating" everyone at school.

I'm not naive, and I know he "knows" things, but I also know my son, he's not quite ready for the full deal.

Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 07:40 PM
Just leave it to the pornos under the kids best friend's dad's bed.

So you are saying I should hide my pornos.

BADFAX
04-25-2007, 07:41 PM
if you really wanna teach her
demonstrate with a farm creature

BADFAX

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 07:42 PM
Unless you've completely sheltered your kids, the 'talk' will probably be pointless. Better off saving yourself the embarrassment.

Jayhawkerman2001
04-25-2007, 07:44 PM
Its really hard to give an exact age, but if you're the type of parent that really knows your child, you'll know when the right time would be to talk to him about it.

Phobia
04-25-2007, 07:46 PM
I've been having it with my daughters their whole lives. They're never too young, IMO. The younger you start programming them, the better chance it will stick. However, I don't tell them what they should or should not do. I know they're likely to have sex before I'm ready for them to do so. Therefore, I just tell them about what can happen if they're not smart.

Iowanian
04-25-2007, 07:47 PM
So you are saying I should hide my pornos.

It won't matter....they'll find them anyway.

Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 07:48 PM
It won't matter....they'll find them anyway.


Not if I have a secret chamber behind the wall....like a Bat Porn Chamber. You have pull on a certain hanger to reveal the door.

Silock
04-25-2007, 07:49 PM
I would say as young as possible. I was attempting to have sex when I was in 2nd grade, but I didn't know what I was doing, nor could I have gotten her pregnant, but still...

Teach 'em young.

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 07:50 PM
I'll Go with SLAG

now a adays likely 4th Grade. Old enough and attention span for the conversation.

What is done at your school regarding drug talk.

SEX maybe 5th.

We had the first talk in 3rd grade--but it was pretty general, and "biologically" oriented; we'll have another this summer...before 6th grade, with a more detailed discussion.

Mr. Plow
04-25-2007, 07:50 PM
Its really hard to give an exact age, but if you're the type of parent that really knows your child, you'll know when the right time would be to talk to him about it.


I wasn't looking for an exact age.....just an appropriate one. I'd rather be too early than too late.

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 07:52 PM
Unless you've completely sheltered your kids, the 'talk' will probably be pointless. Better off saving yourself the embarrassment.

I sure hope you are either:

Joking

or

Sterile.

:shake:

BADFAX
04-25-2007, 07:54 PM
teach them now you should not wait
before the plows all replicate

BADFAX

Silock
04-25-2007, 07:59 PM
I wasn't looking for an exact age.....just an appropriate one. I'd rather be too early than too late.

I think that the younger you talk to them, the less of an issue it becomes. The longer you wait, the higher the "giggle" and "dread" factor becomes.

Demonpenz
04-25-2007, 08:18 PM
teach the son about the gspot, fingering, and pulling out. The daughter no sex until marriage unless you want to be a whore.

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 08:25 PM
I sure hope you are either:

Joking

or

Sterile.

:shake:

Nope. I didn't need 'the talk'. Kids deserve a little more credit with this stuff. The dangers and consequences of sex are public knowledge. It gets taught in schools. It's out there in our culture. They'll have plenty of knowledge about this stuff by the time they hit their teenage years.

And I definitely don't see the point in talking about it with an 8 year old. That's borderline creepy to me.

I'd be more concerned about drugs.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2007, 08:28 PM
Do it sooner rather than later. At one point I thought you got girls pregnant by pissing in them.

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 08:31 PM
Do it sooner rather than later. At one point I thought you got girls pregnant by pissing in them.

Safe to assume 'at one point' means within the past year, right?

Skip Towne
04-25-2007, 08:33 PM
Do it sooner rather than later. At one point I thought you got girls pregnant by pissing in them.
You mean that isn't right?

Phobia
04-25-2007, 08:37 PM
Do it sooner rather than later. At one point I thought you got girls pregnant by pissing in them.

I'm pretty sure you still haven't the slightest idea how to get a girl preggo.

Slick32
04-25-2007, 08:38 PM
Most of the guys my age started field research in the 4th or 5th grade with classmates sisters that were willing to show us what a kutchie looked like. The same girls showed us their tits when they bloomed but not long after that they got "the talk" from their moms and we were left with the Playboys.

I don't remember when I told my boys.

bringbackmarty
04-25-2007, 08:41 PM
Gave my boy the talk when he was seven, no regrets. He is really smart and was asking a lot of questions. I felt no need to mislead him. He was grossed out, especially when I took him out in the field and we blasted that poor sunofabitch in the knees with a shotgun. Now nobody goes within 10 feet of his sister.

bringbackmarty
04-25-2007, 08:49 PM
just kidding about the sunofabitch part.......

I did give him the talk when he was in 1st grade. I also gave him the gun safety talk in the same week. I was on a roll I guess. He took it well, and actually he shocked me with how maturely he behaved about it. I don't think he is the type to share this information with his friends. When I polled the other parents, about 1\3 of them had the talk already. He was asking some pretty direct questions, asking if his mother had eggs in her belly, and where do babies come from. I felt no need to mislead him because of the person he is.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2007, 09:04 PM
I'm pretty sure you still haven't the slightest idea how to get a girl preggo.

I stick my wee-wee in her hoo-ha, right?

Silock
04-25-2007, 10:03 PM
Nope. I didn't need 'the talk'. Kids deserve a little more credit with this stuff. The dangers and consequences of sex are public knowledge. It gets taught in schools. It's out there in our culture. They'll have plenty of knowledge about this stuff by the time they hit their teenage years.

And I definitely don't see the point in talking about it with an 8 year old. That's borderline creepy to me.

I'd be more concerned about drugs.

Leaving it up to schools to teach it only works for .000000001% of kids.

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 10:30 PM
What is 'works'? Are you preaching abstinence?

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 10:39 PM
Nope. I didn't need 'the talk'. Kids deserve a little more credit with this stuff. The dangers and consequences of sex are public knowledge. It gets taught in schools. It's out there in our culture. They'll have plenty of knowledge about this stuff by the time they hit their teenage years.

And I definitely don't see the point in talking about it with an 8 year old. That's borderline creepy to me.

I'd be more concerned about drugs.
Then, you my friend, were "lucky." IF you honestly learned what you needed to know....

Credit? I know he thinks he "knows." It may be "out" there....but there is lots of conflicting and contradictory stuff...and, as for the consequences, well....all youth consider themselves bulletproof, so that needs to be tempered by responsible and honest parenting.

Certainly, drugs are another conversation....but if you abdicate teaching your kids about the "birds and the bees" do you REALLY wanna trust that 'pop culture' to properly instill an understanding of sexuality and the moral values related to sexuality, to.....Brittany Spears, PDiddy, and the rest of Hollyweird???

I don't. But maybe that's just me... :shrug:

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 10:45 PM
I don't consider myself lucky. I just have a good head on my shoulders.

I think you're confusing being sexually active with being sexually unaware. There are plenty of kids who know the consequences of what they're doing and still do it. That's the choice they make. Those kinds of kids are always going to exist. You can't change that. They just have to learn from their experiences.

Is the goal with these 'talks' abstinence? I'm sure it differs with parents.

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 10:52 PM
I don't consider myself lucky. I consider myself logical and aware.

I think you're confusing being sexually active with being sexually unaware. There are plenty of kids who know the consequences of what they're doing and still do it. That's the choice they make. Those kinds of kids are always going to exist. You can't change that. They just have to learn from their experiences.

Is the goals with these 'talks' abstinence? I'm sure it differs with parents.
Have I suggested otherwise? Or have I even, once, mentioned abstinence here? :rolleyes:

I haven't been teaching for 15 yrs in a vacuum....or in Utopia. I know better.

However, NOR do I assume that "knowledgeable" means....able, and willing, to take risks either. I intend to lay it all out there; knowing that, ultimately, they will make the choices.

I only hope and pray that given them the entire view (not just abstinence; but not just the "everybody does it, so I expect you to do it' view" either...) will empower them to make good choices for themselves.

Guess we'll see which approach works better, eh? :shrug:

As for me, I give "them" as individuals....empowered with free will....much more responsibility, and a much larger stake (and responsibility) in this....than either you and I could hope to have. Much to our chagrin. JMHO. :(

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2007, 11:00 PM
If everyone was raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, teen pregnancy would be at an all time low!

HolmeZz
04-25-2007, 11:05 PM
If everyone was raised as Jehovah's Witnesses, teen pregnancy would be at an all time low!

The same would be true if every guy had your ability with women.

Ari Chi3fs
04-25-2007, 11:12 PM
teach them now you should not wait
before the plows all replicate

BADFAX


blueballs, you aren't even mildly funny.

Jenson71
04-25-2007, 11:20 PM
I never got the talk. My parents left it up to my schools. And they never really talked to me about drugs either. I think they thought DARE would be enough.

Baconeater
04-25-2007, 11:34 PM
I never got the talk. My parents left it up to my schools. And they never really talked to me about drugs either. I think they thought DARE would be enough.
My mom didn't talk to me about drugs because she was clueless about them. She found a bong in my brother's closet and no idea wtf it was.

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 11:46 PM
I never got the talk. My parents left it up to my schools. And they never really talked to me about drugs either. I think they thought DARE would be enough.
As Tom Petty might say....

They "got lucky, babe." :)

Good for them for, hopefully, knowing and trusting.....my 11 yr old boy has been really cool....so far.

Masturbation, and menstruation.....this summer "may" pose more of a challenge though....:hmmm:

My mom didn't talk to me about drugs because she was clueless about them. She found a bong in my brother's closet and no idea wtf it was.

That's why it must suck...to have a former Drug Awareness Officer from his Army days; and a high school teacher....as a dad.

I LOVE it....heh. :)

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2007, 11:49 PM
I remember I was like 16 and sitting in the parking lot of my Kingdom Hall with dad. He asked me if I had ever had an erection. My god, dad, I'm 16. What the hell do you think? You missed the boat. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Heh.

Mr. Kotter
04-25-2007, 11:52 PM
I remember I was like 16 and sitting in the parking lot of my Kingdom Hall with dad. He asked me if I had ever had an erection. My god, dad, I'm 16. What the hell do you think? You missed the boat. I wanted to get the hell out of there. Heh.
I'll be asking, this summer....at age 11 for him.... :)

In hopes, that age 26 or so...that he won't STILL be inhabiting my basement.

:p