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Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:21 PM
Hypothetical Situation:*

On one particularly cold winter night, when the wolves are howling and the tendrils of icy fog are rising from the lawn and bears are coming out of hibernation just to steal parkas from hunters, you and your loving spouse decide to go on a tropical cruise. You buy the tickets, you both pack your stuff, including your family collection of clothing and toys that are illegal in seven southern states and Utah, and you head off to Aruba for seven days and six nights of beachcombing, water sports, and clinking champagne glasses under enormous tropical moons while dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns.

On Day 4, tragedy strikes. You forget to put sunscreen on the part of your ankles barely below the sock line, and after a day of fun and sun you have bad burns that are going to still be visible months from now. You hobble to your cabin to apply sunscreen, and then come back up to the deck.

Then a second tragedy strikes. As your loving spouse turns to look lovingly at you, he/she is struck from behind by a flying fish and is knocked overboard. You rush to his/her aid, and reach the rail just in time to see him/her get attacked by a large number of sharks, electric eels, box jellyfish, seagoing piranha, orcas, giant squid, and at least one very angry sea cucumber. Before your horrified eyes, your spouse succumbs to this attack, and before you can retrieve the body, a giant white sperm whale bursts from the water, eats it, and disappears, looking you directly in the eye with a sense of defiance as it leaves.

You swear that you will someday gain vengeance upon the great white whale, but first things first. You finish the cruise (no sense in wasting the money), then go home and arrange for the funeral.

Your spouse's will called for his/her high school yearbook photo to be prominently displayed at his/her funeral, because your spouse thought it was the best picture ever taken of him/her, and even though you disagree and thought his/her hair was kind of dated and goofy, you have a commitment to honor the request.

You begin digging through his/her closet to find the yearbook, and as you dig, you discover underneath his/her old band camp paraphernalia a small box about the size of a terrier but without the legs that is very fancy. It's also locked with a big padlock on it and has the message, "[Your name here], Don't EVER Open This Box!".

Curious, you take the box to the garage and retrieve the tiny box of lockpicking tools that you purchased back when you had briefly considered a career in escape artistry. The tiny box has a sharp corner, and you pound it and pound it and pound it on the lock until the lock breaks.

You open the box, and inside you find your spouse's diary (if female) or journal (if male). The diary/journal contains, in your spouse's handwriting, a factual record of an act to be described in the accompanying poll.

For each act described in the poll, would you consider that your spouse "cheated" on you, or not?

Poll to follow as soon as all of these prostitutes leave my office.











*Donger's thread about spousal cheating (and to a lesser extent, blueballs' thread about testicular massage) got me thinking about this topic.

Definitions and Criteria:

1. All actions take place between your spouse and another person of your gender. No girl/girl action which would make all of this stuff not just okay, but exciting.

2. "Close emotional relationship" means that they shared discussions that are normally only reserved for spouses, about things like feelings and stuff.

3. In all cases, the act described represents the pinnacle of the behavior, and nothing "more intimate", according to your own definition of that term, occurred.

4. Assume that all acts occurred after you were married.

5. Assume that any of the other people involved were described in the diary journal generically, so that you can't identify them.

scorpio
04-27-2007, 07:23 PM
too long/didn't read. cliff notes?

|Zach|
04-27-2007, 07:29 PM
too long/didn't read. cliff notes?
You people are lazy.

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:31 PM
too long/didn't read. cliff notes?

Several people have had sex with your wife, and you don't know about it yet.

scorpio
04-27-2007, 07:36 PM
Several people have had sex with your wife, and you don't know about it yet.

That's unfortunate.

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 07:38 PM
You people are lazy."You people"? Most of the regulars know Rainman's threads are well worth the time.

DaFace
04-27-2007, 07:39 PM
Poll to follow as soon as all of these prostitutes leave my office.

What the...did I leave too early?

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 07:40 PM
What the...did I leave too early?Management has it's perks.

BucEyedPea
04-27-2007, 07:41 PM
I picked all but #1,3,27 and 29.

This would be much better if the poll was not private. :p

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:42 PM
What the...did I leave too early?

I sent the memo around. I just figured that you had something else to do.

DaFace
04-27-2007, 07:43 PM
I sent the memo around. I just figured that you had something else to do.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:44 PM
I picked all but #1,3,27 and 29.

This would be much better if the poll was not private. :p


Hmm. Then why do I see no votes on several other options? Is this some kind of female trickery?

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:46 PM
:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

Oh. Wait. I accidentally misspelled your e-mail address on the memo. Oh well.

BucEyedPea
04-27-2007, 07:47 PM
Hmm. Then why do I see no votes on several other options? Is this some kind of female trickery?
T'wasn't me unless I made a mistake...t'was a long read.

One time - went to a strip club, and touching/lap dancing was involved

I'd consider that cheating. Looking no.

BucEyedPea
04-27-2007, 07:49 PM
Apparently, I forgot to hit vote...after clicking them all. But went to post next. Oh well, I can be a scatterbrain.

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 07:53 PM
Apparently, I forgot to hit vote...after clicking them all. But went to post next. Oh well, I can be a scatterbrain.

I hope you haven't been making the same mistake in voting booths all these years.

the Talking Can
04-27-2007, 07:56 PM
can I give someone my answers and have them click for me?

BucEyedPea
04-27-2007, 08:01 PM
I hope you haven't been making the same mistake in voting booths all these years.
I hope not! :hmmm: That type of thing, I would check over anyway as opposed to a more casual situation.

But there was one time I thought I goofed my ballot, believe it or not, and that was in 2000 here in Florida. I didn't even have the butterfly ballot either. But I thought I punched the wrong candidate, just after I did it....panicked....came out from behind the curtain looking for help, all freaked out. I was told that if I had I could have a new ballot. Wonder why others weren't so aware here in Florida that year.

Other than that I am the type that loses my keys often...even my wallot has been lost on more than one occassion....yet always returned with no theft.

Psyko Tek
04-27-2007, 08:03 PM
It's only cheating if you get caught

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 08:03 PM
I must be more liberal than most. I was torn on many of these, but I eventually decided that:

1. I wouldn't consider any of the one-time events to be cheating, because they were just that - one-time events. I wouldn't be happy with the ones that involved physical contact, but I'd deal with it. Things happen.

2. I wouldn't have a problem with the regular acts that didn't involve physical contact or contact with the same person/people. Big deal - everyone has a libido.

3. I would consider any of the regular physical acts that involve emotional connections to be cheating.

4. I would consider cybersex with a friend or with a "regular" to be cheating, because it presumably involves an emotional connection or at least some kind of relationship. This is a bit of an anomaly compared to my other judgments.

5. I had a lot of trouble with the regular physical acts that were purely physical in origin. I would definitely be unhappy about it, but at the same time if I really knew that it was nothing but a physical thing, I think I would get over it and not really consider it cheating. It's just a sex toy that happened to be human.

6. The one that intrigues me is the close emotional connection that involves no physical contact. I wouldn't consider that cheating, but I think I actually might be more jealous about that than about actual acts that are purely for physical reasons. Perhaps I think I'd be more likely to lose my spouse in this scenario than in a pure physical scenario.

Bottom line: I guess I view cheating far more as an improper personal connection than as a physical act.

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 08:04 PM
can I give someone my answers and have them click for me?

Would your spouse consider that to be cheating?

BucEyedPea
04-27-2007, 08:08 PM
Big deal - everyone has a libido.
I don't. I'm a godsend for loyalty and faithfulness.

6. The one that intrigues me is the close emotional connection that involves no physical contact. I wouldn't consider that cheating, but I think I actually might be more jealous about that than about actual acts that are purely for physical reasons. Perhaps I think I'd be more likely to lose my spouse in this scenario than in a pure physical scenario.
This could be an issue. I think it can move on to more. I guess it depends on the nature of the conversation though.

Bottom line: I guess I view cheating far more as an improper personal connection than as a physical act.
:hmmm:

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 08:09 PM
I don't. Ouch, how unfortunate.

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 08:11 PM
I don't. I'm a godsend for loyalty and faithfulness.



You're the most dangerous kind. You're repressing it, and someday you'll be on a business trip to Mobile, Alabama, and the waiter will put just a little too much rum in the rum punch and - bam! - you'll careen totally out of control like a space satellite programmed in metric instead of English, and you will become the stuff of legend to the 2,000 people attending the Xerox convention two hotels over.

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 08:13 PM
You're the most dangerous kind. You're repressing it, and someday you'll be on a business trip to Mobile, Alabama, and the waiter will put just a little too much rum in the rum punch and - bam! - you'll careen totally out of control like a space satellite programmed in metric instead of English, and you will become the stuff of legend to the 2,000 people attending the Xerox convention two hotels over."It was the best business trip ever"

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 08:18 PM
It's interesting to me that regularly cybersexing random strangers is far more likely to be viewed as cheating than regularly going to a strip club and touching naughty bits.

mlyonsd
04-27-2007, 08:22 PM
Holy chit this thread makes me feel old.

Rain Man
04-27-2007, 08:23 PM
Holy chit this thread makes me feel old.

For the purposes of this thread, just assume that your spouse is still young enough to perform those acts.

el borracho
04-27-2007, 08:23 PM
Well, most of those I would consider cheating, some of those I don't consider cheating but would be nearly as problematic and some of those wouldn't bother me at all.

P.S. I don't really know what "cybersex" is. Is that like phonesex but on the computer via e-mail, instant messenger, etc?

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 08:25 PM
Well, most of those I would consider cheating, some of those I don't consider cheating but would be nearly as problematic and some of those wouldn't bother me at all.

P.S. I don't really know what "cybersex" is. Is that like phonesex but on the computer via e-mail, instant messenger, etc?Pretty much.

I voted for most of them too.

mlyonsd
04-27-2007, 08:26 PM
For the purposes of this thread, just assume that your spouse is still young enough to perform those acts.
My spose made it clear many years ago that Loreana Bobbit was a hero and should replace George Washington on the dollar bill.

With that in mind I don't take any chances so I'd consider all of the above cheating.

noa
04-27-2007, 09:04 PM
I need clarification on the massage with release. Is the masseuse a male or female? If the masseuse is a woman, I'm all for it and I will pay her myself happily, but if its a guy I will murder him in the face.

EDIT: I see the criteria stipulate that its a male masseuse who gives her "release," which I most definitely am not down with.

KcMizzou
04-27-2007, 09:05 PM
I need clarification on the massage with release. Is the masseuse a male or female? If the masseuse is a woman, I'm all for it and I will pay her myself happily, but if its a guy I will murder him in the face.Great point.

el borracho
04-27-2007, 09:05 PM
I need clarification on the massage with release. Is the masseuse a male or female? If the masseuse is a woman, I'm all for it and I will pay her myself happily, but if its a guy I will murder him in the face.
"Definitions and Criteria:

1. All actions take place between your spouse and another person of your gender. No girl/girl action which would make all of this stuff not just okay, but exciting."

noa
04-27-2007, 09:09 PM
"Definitions and Criteria:

1. All actions take place between your spouse and another person of your gender. No girl/girl action which would make all of this stuff not just okay, but exciting."

Ah, thanks. I was fatigued by the time I got to the definitions and criteria. In that case, she's a cheater!

el borracho
04-27-2007, 09:10 PM
Maybe if you didn't fatigue so easily your spouse wouldn't have to cheat!!!

ChiefsFire
04-27-2007, 09:47 PM
It's interesting to me that regularly cybersexing random strangers is far more likely to be viewed as cheating than regularly going to a strip club and touching naughty bits.

Where ya been Clint??

Hows Wichita?