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View Full Version : Well thought out Craigslist ad...


Pestilence
05-10-2007, 03:53 PM
I thought it was pretty damn funny.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/gms/323978869.html

Bitchin' Garage Sale! You wish your stuff was this great! (oakland lake merritt / grand)

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Reply to: sale-323978869@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-03, 7:28PM PDT



Saturday, May 5th 9am-? 3606 Balfour Avenue, Oakland it's off of lakeshore... the cross street is Santa Ray.

Fuzzy Ottoman covered in 3 inch orange fur (opens for storage! it's on wheels!) If a muppet had sex with a loveseat the offspring of their one night stand might look a little something like this. Once an ugly piece of 80's hotel lobby furniture, this glam bad boy grew up, grew some hair and copped an attitude! What says I'm a little crazyy more than this beauty as a showpiece in your living room? see picture. fabulous light fixture is not for sale. rhinestone encrusted chuck taylor for scale purposes only. also... it's quite comfortable.

Electric Bass with hard shell case This Bass Guitar sort of resembles Britanny Murphy... blonde and a little trashy. it's a Fender one the cheap ones from the 90's? but it's still a bass. I think someone's mom took it away from them because they were plugged in and rocking too hard for her to be able to think straight. You'll show her... just like the kid in those Twisted Sister videos!

My Entire CD collection about 3000 cds all for sale! (sorry no jewel cases) $1 each Compact Discs were what music was on before we had computers and mp3 players... if you like indie rock, this garage sale could change your life! Oh there's some Jazz, some electronica and the usual crap you'd find at any other loser Garage Sale... but c'mon The Mountain Goats? Trail of Dead? The Meat Puppets? Cat Power? come and help me let go of these plastic discs which were once an obsession.

Cat Furniture or Outsider Art? You decide! Pretty sure these are American made. When you see them, you'll understand why we pay people in other countries to make our complicated electronics. New York Times art critic Robert Shipley called one of these "an abomination of twine and carpet". Cats however give them 2 paws up. Perfect for someone who has everything, or a lot of cats.

Computer Cables Speaking of Crazy Cat People (the kind who have lots of cats. not the movie from the 1980's) Computer People are sometimes worse... oh the cables... firewire, USB, video, audio, DVI, we have them all... lovingly wrapped in rubber bands to keep them separate from each other, and to keep them from making more cables.

Purple Fur covered chaise lounge This was created to scratch an itch about 5 years ago... a free craigslist chaise lounge (striped fabric crate and barrel 1980s vintage?) and $200 worth of Purple Muppet fur from Poppy fabric Equals one bad ass opium den worthy lounge that all your friends will marvel at. ok, it's seen better days... but with a little TLC via a staple gun and some light sewing... good as new!

Roland MC 303 Groovebox (needs power supply) access your inner Moby. The original groovebox for dance/techno! It's got 303, 808, 909, Jupiter, and Juno sounds. It is a sequencer arranger and looks a lot like the original 303's and 808's... Not to mention it includes real-time Filter Cutoff, resonance, panning and arpeggiator. With this box alone you can become a techno music genius.

Crushed Velvet Satin backed Curtains + matching Queen duvet Cover get your Goth on! Rumored to have once graced the Love Palace of The Cure's Robert Smith... these dark wine colored satin backed, crushed velvet curtains will bring the passion of the Children of the Night into your own den of iniquity. set of 8 panels and duvet lovingly packed in a space bag.

USB EPSON Stylus 820 Photo printer... we'll even throw in brand new free ink Who needs a job making money, when you can just buy this printer and make your own? Start your own country, make flyers for a garage sale and resell this printer! Mac and PC compatible. USB cable included.

USB EPSON flatbed scanner Effortlessly scan pictures of yourself and photoshop them into pictures with people who have more fun and interesting lives than yours! Scan your friend's college diploma, and insert your own name, Doctor! Hey what happens if I sit on this thing and press the button? The fun never stops. USB cable included!

SEGA Dreamcast oh yeah... you know you want to kick it old school with this rocking console of yesteryear and matching set of games from the 90's. It will take you back to the magical time when Chris Cornell was in a good band called Soundgarden and those Rage Against the Machine kids were still in high school in suburban Illinois.

Lampshade of unknown origin Target? Pottery Barn? who can tell these days... definitely made by a small child in a southeast asian country with deft sewing skills working from Martha Stewart's color palate. Sort of an olive green with a subtle and lovely leaf pattern

LEGOs robotic set It doesn't matter that you can't have a baby... you can make a robot baby and show up your friends at the park because yours has replaceable parts and fits in a box under your bed! this is in a slightly damaged original box, unopened box, original set.

Sharper Image 8 motor full body Massage Mat What could you possibly put in your house that would make people think you are some sort of loose and free pleasure seeking hedonist? well, you could start with this thing which lovingly sends pulses of vibration to all of your chakras at once or in programmed patterns! It's alien technology! *seller not responsible for permanent numbness in any body area caused by buyer falling asleep on OR attempting to have sex with... this Massage Mat.

Books I often judge the quality of a garage sale by the books on display... this isn't the usual line up of worn out John Grisham legal thrillers... we actually have some nice offerings for $1 each. There may actually even be some "literature" in the pile. Also, for the sentimental punk rocker, there is a stack of zines that must go as a single bundled item, a real find.

Did I mention the fuzzy orange ottoman?






it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 323978869

kepp
05-10-2007, 04:24 PM
Pretty funny. I'd go to it.

DaFace
05-10-2007, 04:44 PM
Haha...someone needs a job in advertising. Pretty clever stuff in there.