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bogie
05-15-2007, 01:05 PM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

Iowanian
05-15-2007, 01:06 PM
Why stop there, Encourage her to go right to the coffee cup handle holes.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/06/south_asia_india0s_jewellery_villages/img/6.jpg

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:08 PM
Why stop there, Encourage her to go right to the coffee cup handle holes.

Do you think a 9 year old will understand this reasoning?

Mr. Laz
05-15-2007, 01:09 PM
too young imo


google it and find some pictures of infected ears from piercings and show her them ... they can get pretty nasty.

i bet there's some picturs out there where the ear rings got ripped out too.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 01:09 PM
It wouldn't bother me but hey that's just me.

luv
05-15-2007, 01:10 PM
There are people who have their newborn's ears pierced. Some people amaze me.

While I don't necessarily think 9 is too young, I had to wait until I was 12. Hold out. If she still wants them after her friend's have been done for awhile, then reconsider. Take into consideration that I'm not a parent, so this is JMO.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 01:10 PM
too young imo


google it and find some pictures of infected ears from piercings and show her them ... they can get pretty nasty.

i bet there's some picturs out there where the ear rings got ripped out too.


while your at it why not take her through a tour of ogrish.com. :shake:

CoMoChief
05-15-2007, 01:10 PM
I dont think it should be a problem. Many of the girls I went to school with had pierced ears by the 4th grade.

luv
05-15-2007, 01:11 PM
too young imo


google it and find some pictures of infected ears from piercings and show her them ... they can get pretty nasty.

i bet there's some picturs out there where the ear rings got ripped out too.
Yep, if she wants them done, she'll have to be the one to take care of them. My left ear kept getting infected, no matter what I did. THey weren't pierced for long.

Pestilence
05-15-2007, 01:11 PM
Just explain to her all the care that has to go into it.....and show her what happens if you don't.

Make her do chores to pay for the studs.

Valiant
05-15-2007, 01:12 PM
Ears pierced are no big deal in my opinion.. Now if she wants multiple where it justs gets tacky and gross you might be in trouble in the near future... This is what happens when you let your daughters play with barbie's...

luv
05-15-2007, 01:12 PM
Just think, in five years, she'll probably be wanting her nose or eyebrow done.

Valiant
05-15-2007, 01:13 PM
Make her do chores to pay for the studs.


She is only 9!!!!


:shake:

luv
05-15-2007, 01:15 PM
She is only 9!!!!


:shake:
I had chores when I was nine. If I was to want to get something like that done, my parents would have taken it out of my allowance. Of course, that was to see how bad I would have really wanted it.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:16 PM
Just explain to her all the care that has to go into it.....and show her what happens if you don't.

Make her do chores to pay for the studs.

We've discussed this. She's aware of it. I can't honestly say my reasoning is because of this. I just think 9 is too young. But I'm not sure being too young is not a good answer.

big nasty kcnut
05-15-2007, 01:17 PM
Just tell her that she don't need them and ask if she want something else instead. Like a cellphone or something that could trump the ear piercing coolness factor.

tooge
05-15-2007, 01:17 PM
Thank goodness, my daughter is about 6 years younger and I dont have to make a decision like this yet. Having said that, I think 9 is old enough if she is mature enough to know what they cost, and how to take care of them, in other words, value. Make her earn them and pay for them herself with grades or chores.

Iowanian
05-15-2007, 01:17 PM
Of the long list of things of which I'll be concerned about in my daughter's lifetime, this isn't terribly high on it....

If I have to pick my fights, I'll give on the earings in exchange for the 1930's full body swim suits.

Her mother will decide on earings....I'll have more opinion on makeup.

If I have my say, this will be her bikini
http://images.ibsys.com/sh/images/health/Randy.gif

Mr. Laz
05-15-2007, 01:18 PM
while your at it why not take her through a tour of ogrish.com. :shake:Yep, if she wants them done, she'll have to be the one to take care of them. My left ear kept getting infected, no matter what I did. THey weren't pierced for long.Just explain to her all the care that has to go into it.....and show her what happens if you don't.

Make her do chores to pay for the studs.

Buehler445
05-15-2007, 01:18 PM
I have no idea about the parents perspective, but there was a girl playing with my niece that was 4 and a half, and she had her ears pierced. I'd make her wait, but you should put very little stock in my opinion.

Valiant
05-15-2007, 01:18 PM
We've discussed this. She's aware of it. I can't honestly say my reasoning is because of this. I just think 9 is too young. But I'm not sure being too young is not a good answer.



Honestly you are the parent tell her that and go buy her some magnet earrings...

luv
05-15-2007, 01:18 PM
Just tell her that she don't need them and ask if she want something else instead. Like a cellphone or something that could trump the ear piercing coolness factor.
Then is when I say...She's only 9!!!

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:19 PM
Just tell her that she don't need them and ask if she want something else instead. Like a cellphone or something that could trump the ear piercing coolness factor.

I think I'm more okay with pierced ears than a cell phone. I'm too old I know.

big nasty kcnut
05-15-2007, 01:20 PM
She's only 9!!!

scott free
05-15-2007, 01:20 PM
I dont think its a big deal, she's getting to the age where they start to get interested in girly things. (No, thats not some veiled slam at earring wearing guys)

Tell her its gonna hurt a little bit & swab it with rubbing alcohol for a few days afterwards.

They're gonna grow up whether we like it or not.

Valiant
05-15-2007, 01:21 PM
I had chores when I was nine. If I was to want to get something like that done, my parents would have taken it out of my allowance. Of course, that was to see how bad I would have really wanted it.


I was making a play on words on the other part of the sentence not the chores, standard Chiefsplanet tasteless humor...

alpha_omega
05-15-2007, 01:22 PM
I would say no....9 sounds a little early to me...wait till jr. high.

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 01:25 PM
my neighbors daughters have had them pierced for years now and they are only 4 and 6. She' one of the best moms i ever known as well.

Pestilence
05-15-2007, 01:26 PM
She is only 9!!!!


:shake:

I've done chores since I was 6 years old.....big deal.

If she knows that she has to do chores to get what she wants.....then she is more apt to not ask for everything.

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 01:26 PM
I had chores when I was nine. If I was to want to get something like that done, my parents would have taken it out of my allowance. Of course, that was to see how bad I would have really wanted it.
haha, my dad used to tell me, i allow you to eat. That was my allowance.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 01:27 PM
I'm not sure what the issue is with letting girls be girls. Taking pride in the way they look is a good thing as long as the clothing stays appropriate from a sexual standpoint for their age.

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 01:29 PM
I'm not sure what the issue is with letting girls be girls. Taking pride in the way they look is a good thing as long as the clothing stays appropriate from a sexual standpoint for their age.
what you said

Amnorix
05-15-2007, 01:32 PM
We've discussed this. She's aware of it. I can't honestly say my reasoning is because of this. I just think 9 is too young. But I'm not sure being too young is not a good answer.


It's not a tat or piercing someplace weird right? So what's the big deal?

Pick your battles. Stuff like this doesn't matter. Heck, it doesn't really even qualify as being permanent....

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:32 PM
Of the long list of things of which I'll be concerned about in my daughter's lifetime, this isn't terribly high on it....

If I have to pick my fights, I'll give on the earings in exchange for the 1930's full body swim suits.

Her mother will decide on earings....I'll have more opinion on makeup.

If I have my say, this will be her bikini
http://images.ibsys.com/sh/images/health/Randy.gif

Her Mother will support my opinion. I think this is among the first of many pier pressure decisions I can help make for her.

Amnorix
05-15-2007, 01:33 PM
I'm not sure what the issue is with letting girls be girls. Taking pride in the way they look is a good thing as long as the clothing stays appropriate from a sexual standpoint for their age.


Word.

Pierced ears -- no big deal. Britney Spears clothing or other areas pierced -- uh-uh.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:43 PM
It's not a tat or piercing someplace weird right? So what's the big deal?

Pick your battles. Stuff like this doesn't matter. Heck, it doesn't really even qualify as being permanent....

I am picking my battles. This is one I'm considering to make a battle.

Mecca
05-15-2007, 01:44 PM
I think I'm more okay with pierced ears than a cell phone. I'm too old I know.

You're daughter is going to ask you if you are aware of the times when she gets older.........

Mecca
05-15-2007, 01:45 PM
I am picking my battles. This is one I'm considering to make a battle.

Be aware if this is a battle.........then EVERYTHING is going to be one because this is pretty small on the list of things in dealing with kids.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:46 PM
Word.

Pierced ears -- no big deal. Britney Spears clothing or other areas pierced -- uh-uh.

You guys did catch the part where she's 9 right? There are no Britney Spears issues coming up yet. If I don't make it clear that Daddy has a say on what I think is appropriate now, when do I make that point?

Mecca
05-15-2007, 01:48 PM
You guys did catch the part where she's 9 right? There are no Britney Spears issues coming up yet. If I don't make it clear that Daddy has a say on what I think is appropriate now, when do I make that point?

Have you seen what kids do today at 9............stuff like that is going to be an issue alot faster than you are assuming.

How old are you again?

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 01:48 PM
You guys did catch the part where she's 9 right? There are no Britney Spears issues coming up yet. If I don't make it clear that Daddy has a say on what I think is appropriate now, when do I make that point?
Pierced ears is no big deal. The Brittney is a big deal. We all know how that ended up, but its just her ears. There alot of little girls with earrings pierced. Its all up to you though. You know everyone here is going to have different opinions on the matter.

JBucc
05-15-2007, 01:51 PM
Clip ons.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:52 PM
Be aware if this is a battle.........then EVERYTHING is going to be one because this is pretty small on the list of things in dealing with kids.

Thanks. I am aware.

scott free
05-15-2007, 01:55 PM
You have the right to put your foot down anywhere you see fit dad, but honestly from my point of view, you should save your chits for enforcing choice of apparel a few very short years from now...as others have said.

Mecca
05-15-2007, 01:55 PM
One of my best friends had hers pierced when she was a baby.........

I think bogie is just trying to screw with his kids cool.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:56 PM
Have you seen what kids do today at 9............stuff like that is going to be an issue alot faster than you are assuming.

How old are you again?

I live a world surrounded by 9 year olds and their parents. They allow a lot of stuff I don't allow. I'm not assuming anything. I'm 49, how old are you?

tooge
05-15-2007, 01:56 PM
Clip ons.

one day its a clip-on, the next a strap-on, Oh where does the time go?

Chiefnj
05-15-2007, 01:58 PM
I would imagine that at 9 she might be one of the few girls in her class without pierced ears.

Pierced ear lobes aren't a sign of being promiscuous or racy or trash. So what's the big deal other than you wanting to keep your little girl your little girl? IMO, you are being selfish.

hawkchief
05-15-2007, 01:58 PM
bogie,

Ironically, my 9 year (+ 11 months) old daughter just got hers pierced this week. My wife told her several years ago that she could do it when she turned 10. We went a month ahead of schedule, and I don't think I've seen my daughter more excited than her 3 year-old Christmas Eve/morning.

She (and my wife) are definitely on the conservative side i.e. clothing, TV shows etc, so I am not worried about any perception on her part as to what this means. It was a VERY fun event, and we actually took some pictures, as she is scared to death of shots etc. The only negative is that my 7 year old was jealous for a day or so.

Good luck with your decision.

Mecca
05-15-2007, 01:59 PM
I live a world surrounded by 9 year olds and their parents. They allow a lot of stuff I don't allow. I'm not assuming anything. I'm 49, how old are you?

I'm 26..........I'm guessing most of their parents are younger than you...

At 9 these days some girls are already getting their periods....

I'm just saying you better pick and choose because if you get to the point of not allowing anything...like basic stuff like ear rings, when your daughter gets older you'll end up with the kid who rebels and does all sorta shit because of that.

bogie
05-15-2007, 01:59 PM
One of my best friends had hers pierced when she was a baby.........

I think bogie is just trying to screw with his kids cool.

If your best friend jump off a cliff... you know the rest...

Iowanian
05-15-2007, 02:01 PM
Every parent is going to have a different line.

I'll pretend I don't care about my 9 year old getting earings if mama bear says its ok.....I'll flip over furniture and compact cars before I'd allow a 15 year old a belly ring, nose or tongue piercing......and don't get me started on clothing.

Pick your fights wisely. Some are more important to win.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 02:01 PM
You guys did catch the part where she's 9 right? There are no Britney Spears issues coming up yet. If I don't make it clear that Daddy has a say on what I think is appropriate now, when do I make that point?

When she wants to do something that is inappropriate. If you want more input go out and buy a couple outfits with her and tell her why you like them. Piercing her ears is in no way inappropriate. Females are judged on their looks their entire life even much more so than men. The fact that she is taking some pride in the way she looks now and wants to be girly is a good thing IMO.

As far as the 9 year old thing goes there are young one's I see wearing things I would consider to be inappropriate especially during summer. It makes me wonder what the parents are thinking especially when they are walking down the street alone wearing it.

Best of luck with this.

Iowanian
05-15-2007, 02:02 PM
You'd know.

Rule 1 in on Mecca's "old enough to date" code.

I'm 26.......
At 9 these days some girls are already getting their periods....

.

Mecca
05-15-2007, 02:02 PM
I guess shits just different, one of my sisters friends has a lip ring and she's 16.

luv
05-15-2007, 02:03 PM
At 9 these days some girls are already getting their periods....

Yeah, because girls today are so physically different than they were 20 years ago.

:spock:

Mecca
05-15-2007, 02:03 PM
You'd know.

Rule 1 in on Mecca's "old enough to date" code.

LOL Har Har..........

Mecca
05-15-2007, 02:04 PM
Yeah, because girls today are so physically different than they were 20 years ago.

:spock:

Have you seen what 14,15,16 year old girls look like now? Atleast half of them can pass for 18-20.

luv
05-15-2007, 02:05 PM
Have you seen what 14,15,16 year old girls look like now? Atleast half of them can pass for 18-20.
And I'm pretty sure there were gilrs like that years ago too. They just didn't play it up like girls do now.

scott free
05-15-2007, 02:06 PM
Yeah, because girls today are so physically different than they were 20 years ago.

:spock:

I definitely think he's reaching with 9, but i do think girls physically mature far faster than when i was a kid.

tooge
05-15-2007, 02:07 PM
Besides, it really isn't so much the issue of earings, but WHICH earings. If they are little cute studs or something small and classy, then she is just trying to add beauty to herself, like all females do. If they turn out to be big black swaztickas, then you have a problem. Maybe you could let this one slide and just let her know that as long as they are pretty and appropriate, she can have them. then make your stand if she tries to wear inappropriate earings.

Chiefnj
05-15-2007, 02:07 PM
Have you seen what 14,15,16 year old girls look like now? Atleast half of them can pass for 18-20.

I think that was Jack Nicholson's defense in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. It didn't work out too well for him.

luv
05-15-2007, 02:08 PM
I definitely think he's reaching with 9, but i do think girls physically mature far faster than when i was a kid.
Is there something in the food, maybe water, that makes that so? Seriously. It's just more socially acceptable now to wear the make-up and the types of clothes that accentuate those "features" that make them look older.

Mecca
05-15-2007, 02:08 PM
I definitely think he's reaching with 9, but i do think girls physically mature far faster than when i was a kid.

Obviously 9-10 is a low % but it does happen.

luv
05-15-2007, 02:09 PM
Obviously 9-10 is a low % but it does happen.
I'm pretty sure it happened back then too. People just weren't as open about it. I have an aunt who's in her 60's that started when she was 10. So friggin' what?

Mecca
05-15-2007, 02:12 PM
I'm pretty sure it happened back then too. People just weren't as open about it. I have an aunt who's in her 60's that started when she was 10. So friggin' what?

So what is your point? Are you trying to say that having ear rings and makeup being socially acceptable is bad.........less reverse things some 40 years I guess.

jidar
05-15-2007, 02:12 PM
I really don't see anything wrong with it.
If the best answer is just "because you're too young" then probably you don't have a good reason.

scott free
05-15-2007, 02:13 PM
Is there something in the food, maybe water, that makes that so? Seriously. It's just more socially acceptable now to wear the make-up and the types of clothes that accentuate those "features" that make them look older.

I've heard it thrown around that the hormones they give cows these days accelerate the process (milk).

But certainly the clothes & makeup that have become, sadly, accepted today play into it.

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 02:19 PM
He should be thankful its just pierced ears and not clothing.

scooter
05-15-2007, 03:03 PM
"because she is too young" may or may not be an acceptable answer...depending on what the rest of the statement would be. Too young for what, exactly?

"Too young...
...to accept the responsibility of taking care of them."
...to be more "dressed up" with jewelery"
...for dad to picture her that grown up already"

Not that parents need to explain their reasoning to their children on everything, on something like this it might not be bad to dig more deeply into your "why" behind it, whether you tell her or not. At least then, if your answer is still no, you know more than just "because I am an old fuddy duddy".

I have an 11-year-old daughter, and have to agree with some of the previous posters about picking the battles. Also, in addition to making sure I know my own reasoning behind not allowing something, I also give my kids the opportunity to give reasons why they think they should be able to. Have her inform you about reasons than you may not be aware of. This can train your child to think more about these kinds of decisions, and maybe be better at thinking out future ones on thier own (esp. when you and/or mom aren't around)

Specifically about ear-piercing..my daughter had hers done at 3 months. My wife figured she would want them done when she is older, and felt it would be easiest for her to handle taking care of them at the beginning rather than when she was 5-6 years old or something.

Lzen
05-15-2007, 03:18 PM
9 years is plenty old. You're just a fuddy duddy. My 5 year old has hers pierced. No biggie.

HemiEd
05-15-2007, 03:23 PM
When I was raising my two daughters, I felt it was the Daddy's job to spoil them. Give them what they want until you can't manage them anymore. :)

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:24 PM
When she wants to do something that is inappropriate. If you want more input go out and buy a couple outfits with her and tell her why you like them. Piercing her ears is in no way inappropriate. Females are judged on their looks their entire life even much more so than men. The fact that she is taking some pride in the way she looks now and wants to be girly is a good thing IMO.

As far as the 9 year old thing goes there are young one's I see wearing things I would consider to be inappropriate especially during summer. It makes me wonder what the parents are thinking especially when they are walking down the street alone wearing it.

Best of luck with this.

Jesus Christ man. I truely mean no offense. You judge women by their looks, I'm saddened if society feels the same.

ClevelandBronco
05-15-2007, 03:25 PM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

My wife comes from a culture in which many girls' ears are pierced shortly after birth. I held out against her and my daughter's wishes for 10 years and counted it as a victory.

If pierced ears were somewhat rare, I'd have held out until she turned 16, but the fact is that there is an overwhelming probability that she'd eventually have her ears pierced anyway, and that she'd never have any reason to regret it.

I say let your daughter get it done.

tommykat
05-15-2007, 03:29 PM
After reading much of this.....9 is not to young. My grandma pierced my ears at home with putting clothes pins on my lobes to numb them! (OUCH) Some people will find out with infections that they are allergic to nickle. Which means that they can only where real gold earrings. No biggie, but limits alot of choices of jewerly...Let her have them pierced. Heck I have pierced them for years. Not a big deal.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:30 PM
I really don't see anything wrong with it.
If the best answer is just "because you're too young" then probably you don't have a good reason.

I agree with this. I want a better answer than you're just too young. But, I think she's just too young.

tooge
05-15-2007, 03:31 PM
My wife comes from a culture in which many girls' ears are pierced shortly after birth. I held out against her and my daughter's wishes for 10 years and counted it as a victory.

If pierced ears were somewhat rare, I'd have held out until she turned 16, but the fact is that there is an overwhelming probability that she'd eventually have her ears pierced anyway, and that she'd never have any reason to regret it.

I say let your daughter get it done.

Some cultures let grown men marry and have sex with prepubescent girls, so does that make it OK here? No. Look, it is real simple. Nobody looks down on a nine year olf, or a four year old girl for having earings. They are only scoffed at if they are in bad taste. Let her fit in with the rest of the girls, and make sure the things she wears are classy. This whole argument is getting too deep.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 03:31 PM
Jesus Christ man. I truely mean no offense. You judge women by their looks, I'm saddened if society feels the same.

Everyone is judged by there looks, women more than me. You do it too. I bet the first time you saw your wife you weren't checking on the brains on that one.

Even kids do it. They did a test in school I posted here a number of years ago the PC people were all upset about. They put in two substitute teachers in at a school for one week each with young children. One was smoking hot and was very hard on the kids. The next one was fat and ugly and gave the kids lots of free stuff and did activities that were fun. After the two weeks were over they asked the kids which teacher they liked best and they picked the hot one.

To say otherwise is ridiculous, really. She will be treated better and find life easier if she takes care of herself and tries to look good.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 03:33 PM
I agree with this. I want a better answer than you're just too young. But, I think she's just too young.

Too young from what standpoint? It's not like getting her ears pierced isn't going to attract guys or something.

ClevelandBronco
05-15-2007, 03:34 PM
Some cultures let grown men marry and have sex with prepubescent girls, so does that make it OK here? No.

You say "sex with prepubescent girls;" I say "pierced ears."

Yeah. We're on the same page.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:36 PM
I would imagine that at 9 she might be one of the few girls in her class without pierced ears.

Pierced ear lobes aren't a sign of being promiscuous or racy or trash. So what's the big deal other than you wanting to keep your little girl your little girl? IMO, you are being selfish.

I'm trying to keep up with the responses. I'm not afraid of her being promiscuous. This has nothing to do with sexual maturity. My child is very well informed about sexual stuff. I just think she should wait until she's older to pierce her ears.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:42 PM
"because she is too young" may or may not be an acceptable answer...depending on what the rest of the statement would be. Too young for what, exactly?

"Too young...
...to accept the responsibility of taking care of them."
...to be more "dressed up" with jewelery"
...for dad to picture her that grown up already"

Not that parents need to explain their reasoning to their children on everything, on something like this it might not be bad to dig more deeply into your "why" behind it, whether you tell her or not. At least then, if your answer is still no, you know more than just "because I am an old fuddy duddy".

I have an 11-year-old daughter, and have to agree with some of the previous posters about picking the battles. Also, in addition to making sure I know my own reasoning behind not allowing something, I also give my kids the opportunity to give reasons why they think they should be able to. Have her inform you about reasons than you may not be aware of. This can train your child to think more about these kinds of decisions, and maybe be better at thinking out future ones on thier own (esp. when you and/or mom aren't around)

Specifically about ear-piercing..my daughter had hers done at 3 months. My wife figured she would want them done when she is older, and felt it would be easiest for her to handle taking care of them at the beginning rather than when she was 5-6 years old or something.

I believe her only reason is because her friend is doing it. I believe it's a good time to teach her about pier pressure.

KcMizzou
05-15-2007, 03:44 PM
Just tell her that she don't need them and ask if she want something else instead. Like a cellphone or something that could trump the ear piercing coolness factor.I'd let a 9 yr old have pierced ears long before I'd let them have a cell phone.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:48 PM
Everyone is judged by there looks, women more than me. You do it too. I bet the first time you saw your wife you weren't checking on the brains on that one.

Even kids do it. They did a test in school I posted here a number of years ago the PC people were all upset about. They put in two substitute teachers in at a school for one week each with young children. One was smoking hot and was very hard on the kids. The next one was fat and ugly and gave the kids lots of free stuff and did activities that were fun. After the two weeks were over they asked the kids which teacher they liked best and they picked the hot one.

To say otherwise is ridiculous, really. She will be treated better and find life easier if she takes care of herself and tries to look good.

Cool. I'll make it very clear to her that for her to succeed in life she needs to be good looking.

ChiefaRoo
05-15-2007, 03:49 PM
If it was my kid I'd say she is too young to properly make the decision and to take care of her ears. I'd say 13 or so would be about right.

I have relatives who have lived in Puerto Rico for a long time. Lots of little kids down there have them and I've seen several babies with them too. I think it's as much a cultural thing as anything. Here in the Midwest I'd say wait there's no hurry.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:50 PM
Too young from what standpoint? It's not like getting her ears pierced isn't going to attract guys or something.

BD, you're freaking me out. This issue has nothing to do with attracting or not attracting guys.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 03:51 PM
Cool. I'll make it very clear to her that for her to succeed in life she needs to be good looking.

Sheesus dude, where is your attitude coming from? I never said she had to be good looking to be successful, I just said she will find life easier if she does her best to look good and I think that is a trait that should be encouraged.

So tell me bogie, what was it that first attracted you to your wife?

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 03:55 PM
BD, you're freaking me out. This issue has nothing to do with attracting or not attracting guys.

Well that was my point, it's not inappropriate so why would you make it an issue? It's girly, that's a good thing. I am not sure where you are creating an issue. Pier pressure? Come on dude it's not like there is anything wrong with her request. It's a direction you want her to go so why not embrace it?

StcChief
05-15-2007, 03:56 PM
NFW. don't do it. the tramp stamp is next at 13.

bogie
05-15-2007, 03:58 PM
Sheesus dude, where is your attitude coming from? I never said she had to be good looking to be successful, I just said whe will find life easier if she does her best to look good and I think that is a trait that should be encouraged.

So tell me bogie, what was it that first attracted you to your wife?

Her ass. And then her ears.

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:01 PM
Seriously, I simply think 9 is too young. Why is my 9 year old daughter right and I'm wrong.

scott free
05-15-2007, 04:02 PM
This looks like a dead conversation, the girl isnt getting them as long as bogie has a say so & thats well within his rights.

But bogie, this could come back & bite you in the ass when you REALLY, REALLY feel strongly about something like choice of friends, clothes etc.

You asked the Planet, but your mind was already made up.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:07 PM
Her ass. And then her ears.


ROFL there you go. ROFL

All I am saying is her request to pierce her ears should have a positive impact on taking care of herself and her grooming which is a good trait for later in life. It may not be right in your eyes but if I had two people in an interview and one really took care of themself and the other did not that would have an impact on my decision.

Likewise when looking for a quality husband later on in life it will have an impact there as well.

You may not like it but it's the way of the world brother.

redbrian
05-15-2007, 04:07 PM
You are not wrong for your stance; we waited until our oldest girl was 12 to allow her to get pierced ears.

You are wrong to be asking this group of misfits and doubly wrong for even discussing it with your daughter.

Tell her she has to wait till she is 12 (or an age you feel appropriate) and case closed.

We have never discussed, bribed or bartered with our kids; we tell them the rules and stick to our guns without discussion.

For this effort we have been complemented by teachers and other adults for having the most well behaved and polite kids they have been around.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:09 PM
Seriously, I simply think 9 is too young. Why is my 9 year old daughter right and I'm wrong.


Seriously, I keep asking you to define too young as it applies to piercing her ears but you never answer it.

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:09 PM
This looks like a dead conversation, the girl isnt getting them as long as bogie has a say so & thats well within his rights.

But bogie, this could come back & bite you in the ass when you REALLY, REALLY feel strongly about something like choice of friends, clothes etc.

You asked the Planet, but your mind was already made up.

My mind is not made up. I have taken a lot of good information from this thread and I appreciate it. If my mind was made up I wouldn't have started this thread. I start very few threads. The opinions seem mixed. I think this decision could have an opposite effect of coming back to bite me. I think this is one of the few decisions I've made that's worth the battle. I think my daughter might take out of this, that Dad feels this way and I have to abide by his rules.

scott free
05-15-2007, 04:12 PM
You are wrong to be asking this group of misfits

Misfits in SO many ways...yes, but i am NO free & easy dumbass parent & neither are most here from what i've seen.

There is no right or wrong choice here.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:12 PM
You are not wrong for your stance; we waited until our oldest girl was 12 to allow her to get pierced ears.

You are wrong to be asking this group of misfits and doubly wrong for even discussing it with your daughter.

Tell her she has to wait till she is 12 (or an age you feel appropriate) and case closed.

We have never discussed, bribed or bartered with our kids; we tell them the rules and stick to our guns without discussion.

For this effort we have been complemented by teachers and other adults for having the most well behaved and polite kids they have been around.

I don't think anyone is saying he is wrong, I am just trying to understand where the too young thing comes in from his stand point. Obviously he is well within his rights, that goes without saying.

KcMizzou
05-15-2007, 04:12 PM
Well that was my point, it's not inappropriate so why would you make it an issue? It's girly, that's a good thing. I agree. I see nothing wrong with it.

However, had he asked about letting her say... wear make-up, I'd say she's much to young. Not sure what the difference is, but there is one.

scott free
05-15-2007, 04:14 PM
My mind is not made up. I have taken a lot of good information from this thread and I appreciate it. If my mind was made up I wouldn't have started this thread. I start very few threads. The opinions seem mixed. I think this decision could have an opposite effect of coming back to bite me. I think this is one of the few decisions I've made that's worth the battle. I think my daughter might take out of this, that Dad feels this way and I have to abide by his rules.

Fair enough.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:18 PM
I agree. I see nothing wrong with it.

However, had he asked about letting her say... wear make-up, I'd say she's much to young. Not sure what the difference is, but there is one.

Agreed

I think woman can wear make up and look much more sexually attractive and I don't think that applies to earrings. Based upon that I think it's only natural to apply that standard when addressing what a young daughter wants to do if that makes sense.

ClevelandBronco
05-15-2007, 04:19 PM
...I am just trying to understand where the too young thing comes in from his stand point...

Maybe you should ask him.

redbrian
05-15-2007, 04:20 PM
I don't think anyone is saying he is wrong, I am just trying to understand where the too young thing comes in from his stand point. Obviously he is well within his rights, that goes without saying.

She is too young because he thinks she is too young.

And she is definitely too young to be trying to have a rational discussion with.

You need to wait until she is about 20 something, for that discusion (if ever).

Oh by the way I only mean the term misfit in the most endearing way (and of course I include myself as a misfit). :evil:

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:21 PM
Seriously, I keep asking you to define too young as it applies to piercing her ears but you never answer it.

Hmm, I guess I missed your inquiries that keep asking me to define too young that I never answer. I think a 9 year old making decisions based solely on pier pressure is too young.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:21 PM
Maybe you should ask him. ROFL

scott free
05-15-2007, 04:23 PM
Oh by the way I only mean the term misfit in the most endearing way (and of course I include myself as a misfit). :evil:

Well i'll tell ya WHAT buddy, that just SUX, i was looking to get into a retarted argument with someone over somebody else' kid... :)

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:26 PM
Hmm, I guess I missed your inquiries that keep asking me to define too young that I never answer. I think a 9 year old making decisions based solely on pier pressure is too young.

OK, if you're sure this pier pressure thing really applies and it's a negative thing then I understand. I mean, when my friend got an ice cream cone I wanted one too and I don't look at that as being a negative pier pressure event. On the other hand if my friend was doing something negative and I wanted to do the same thing I would totally agree.

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:33 PM
OK, if you're sure this pier pressure thing really applies and it's a negative thing then I understand. I mean, when my friend got an ice cream cone I wanted one too and I don't look at that as being a negative pier pressure event. On the other hand if my friend was doing something negative and I wanted to do the same thing I would totally agree.

I'm sure it's pier pressure (I don't know if "pressure" is the right word). Last week, she didn't give a shit, this week her friend is getting her ears pierced and suddenly it's important. Last week I didn't want her to have her ears pierced at 9, this week, I don't want her to have her ears pierced at 9. But, if I'm being a fuddy duddy I want to know. That's why I brought this point to the all knowing, all seeing, Planet.

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:37 PM
Holy Moly, I think I've only had one other thread break 100, imagine if my 9 year old wanted her clit pierced.

luv
05-15-2007, 04:38 PM
Holy Moly, I think I've only had one other thread break 100, imagine if my 9 year old wanted her clit pierced.
You won't even let her get her ears pierced!!!

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:42 PM
You won't even let her get her ears pierced!!!

I know, but you know, the clit is kinda cool.

big nasty kcnut
05-15-2007, 04:42 PM
But skip the part about the cellphone how about a bike or something the girl want that would make her cool to the other kids but at the same time make you look cool in her eyes.

bogie
05-15-2007, 04:46 PM
But skip the part about the cellphone how about a bike or something the girl want that would make her cool to the other kids but at the same time make you look cool in her eyes.

I undersatnd your point. Replace the ear piercing with something that will probably change her focus. I just think this is something (right or wrong) that Dad is taking a stand on.

Phobia
05-15-2007, 04:52 PM
With my two oldest girls, I waited until they were old enough to ask. I don't remember what age they actually got them but it was around 9.

With the youngest, my wife pierced her ears when she was a baby. She said there's less chance of ear infection if it's something she grows up with - she'll leave them alone rather than fiddling with them and putting her grubby paws all over the hole.

BIG_DADDY
05-15-2007, 04:53 PM
I'm sure it's pier pressure (I don't know if "pressure" is the right word). Last week, she didn't give a shit, this week her friend is getting her ears pierced and suddenly it's important. Last week I didn't want her to have her ears pierced at 9, this week, I don't want her to have her ears pierced at 9. But, if I'm being a fuddy duddy I want to know. That's why I brought this point to the all knowing, all seeing, Planet.

Wait a second. When I asked you why you didn't want to her to have her ears pierced and to define too young you said it was because:

Hmm, I guess I missed your inquiries that keep asking me to define too young that I never answer. I think a 9 year old making decisions based solely on pier pressure is too young.

Now you are saying before any of this you already didn't want her to pierce her ears. My guess is again because you think it's too young but I am not sure you are being honest with yourself about your definition of why you think it's too young. If it really bugs you this much though I would just tell her she can never have them pierced, buy her the annual bag of old baggy sweats and be done with it already.

Phobia
05-15-2007, 04:56 PM
I'm sure it's pier pressure (I don't know if "pressure" is the right word). Last week, she didn't give a shit, this week her friend is getting her ears pierced and suddenly it's important. Last week I didn't want her to have her ears pierced at 9, this week, I don't want her to have her ears pierced at 9. But, if I'm being a fuddy duddy I want to know. That's why I brought this point to the all knowing, all seeing, Planet.
Peer pressure is going to define most of what she does from now until .... forever. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Peer pressure got me to stop smoking dope when I was 17.

I think you're being a fuddy-duddy about it. But I do think it's a decision that needs to be made with both parents. It doesn't matter that she wants to do it because her friend did it, though. That shouldn't be an issue, IMO.

Most girls get their ears pierced at some point. There's no magic age. If she understands the ramifications of getting it done, you should release some control. Ear piercing is gonna be the last thing on your mind when she's 15,16,17.....

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 05:04 PM
Seriously, I simply think 9 is too young. Why is my 9 year old daughter right and I'm wrong.
i dont think most people care if its right or wrong. To most people its just not a big deal at all. Most people actually think its a non issue.

Why did you even start this thread if you knew your answer was going to be no? did you want someone to take your side? Maybe it makes you feel better about your choice? I just dont think this thread came out the way you thought it would.

KcMizzou
05-15-2007, 05:05 PM
i dont think most people care if its right or wrong. To most people its just not a big deal at all. Most people actually think its a non issue.Yep.

bogie
05-15-2007, 05:36 PM
Wait a second. When I asked you why you didn't want to her to have her ears pierced and to define too young you said it was because:



Now you are saying before any of this you already didn't want her to pierce her ears. My guess is again because you think it's too young but I am not sure you are being honest with yourself about your definition of why you think it's too young. If it really bugs you this much though I would just tell her she can never have them pierced, buy her the annual bag of old baggy sweats and be done with it already.

I'm not sure what industry you're involved in, but in my industry, people are hired by their skills, not their looks. I however, don't work in the gym, wrestling, hooker industry.

Chiefnj2
05-15-2007, 05:50 PM
I still think you are being selfish. You don't want to lose your little girl. You haven't been able to set forth a good reason other than you think she's too young.

Even with pierced ears, she'll still be your little angel.

bogie
05-15-2007, 05:52 PM
i dont think most people care if its right or wrong. To most people its just not a big deal at all. Most people actually think its a non issue.

Why did you even start this thread if you knew your answer was going to be no? did you want someone to take your side? Maybe it makes you feel better about your choice? I just dont think this thread came out the way you thought it would.

I've tried to come up with a response but I thought I would just repost my opening statement. Let me know what questions of your aren't answered.

I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

luv
05-15-2007, 05:55 PM
I've tried to come up with a response but I thought I would just repost my opening statement. Let me know what questions of your aren't answered.

I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.
You seem to be looking for another excuse to tell her no that is more "valid" than you feel your reasoning is. I believe someone said it earlier. You're the parent. She is the child. Although I hated it when my dad used to say it.....The answer is no because I said so. Sometimes, you have to be the parent and not the friend.

Phobia
05-15-2007, 06:07 PM
I've tried to come up with a response but I thought I would just repost my opening statement. Let me know what questions of your aren't answered.

I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

Dude, if you want it not to be about her best friend having it done then set a reasonable amount of time (3-6 months) where she'll come back to you and ask again. If it's still important to her she'll remember, or maybe she'll forget. Maybe you could do it for her as a back to school gift next fall.

Or you could give her some kind of incentive to obtain your permission - straight A's, a project around the house, or something that shows she really wants the ear piercing.

I'm a father as well and I have trouble letting go.... but if we don't let go, we're going to have teenagers that realize at some point that their parents really don't have as much control as they think and then they rebel far beyond your worst nightmares - kinda like I did to my parents when they wanted to control every aspect of my life. Earrings are no big deal.

Fruit Ninja
05-15-2007, 06:14 PM
I've tried to come up with a response but I thought I would just repost my opening statement. Let me know what questions of your aren't answered.

I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.
Her friend could also be opening up something she has wanted, but was scared to do it. Her friend did it, so she may figure now's my time, and i can come back with, hey my friend did it. I am not saying this is the case, but you never know. Just tell her wait a few weeks , think about it. If you still want it then, we can talk about it.

Your the parent though. Good luck with your, hell, i dont know what to call it.

bogie
05-15-2007, 06:16 PM
So...maybe I'm getting it... is this so much of a non issue that it's silly to make it an issue?

Phobia
05-15-2007, 08:44 PM
So...maybe I'm getting it... is this so much of a non issue that it's silly to make it an issue?

In our culture? Yes. It's like wearing pants. It's simply a part of an accepted/expected attire for girls/women.

Piercing other areas of the body are something entirely different and certainly something worth fighting for.

My 14 year old daughter showed up for summer visitation at my house with a nose diamond last summer. I showed her no reaction whatsoever (because I think that's what she wanted) but I was livid at her mother. No mention or discussion about it with me. Fortunately she was required to remove it during soccer games and she didn't bother to put it back in so now the hole has healed over. Had I overreacted, I'm confident she'd have done everything she could to make sure she had it in each time she visited me. That's what teenagers do.

Joie
05-15-2007, 08:53 PM
First...I admit I have not read the whole thread.

That said, I had my ears pierced when I was six for a Kindergarten graduation present from my aunt (with my parents permission). I had begged for months and I was ready. I took very good care of them and only had one mishap when I was 8 and almost ripped one completely out when it got caught. But, it was something I had wanted for a long time.

My opinion? Make an agreement that if she still wants it in six months she can have her ears pierced as part of her Christmas gift.

ClevelandBronco
05-15-2007, 09:33 PM
In our culture? Yes. It's like wearing pants. It's simply a part of an accepted/expected attire for girls/women.

Piercing other areas of the body are something entirely different and certainly something worth fighting for.

My 14 year old daughter showed up for summer visitation at my house with a nose diamond last summer. I showed her no reaction whatsoever (because I think that's what she wanted) but I was livid at her mother. No mention or discussion about it with me. Fortunately she was required to remove it during soccer games and she didn't bother to put it back in so now the hole has healed over. Had I overreacted, I'm confident she'd have done everything she could to make sure she had it in each time she visited me. That's what teenagers do.

Taboo in our house for our daughters (as long as we're supporting them): Multiple piercings in one ear, piercing any body part other than the ear, ink.

Taboo in our house for our son (as long as we're supporting him): Any piercing, ink.

Punishment: The offending offspring will not be allowed to live in our home once he/she reaches the age of 18, and we will not pay for college.

This is obviously an incomplete list, but these rules are most germane to this discussion.

Joie
05-15-2007, 09:36 PM
Taboo in our house for our daughters (as long as we're supporting them): Multiple piercings in one ear, piercing any body part other than the ear, ink.

Taboo in our house for our son (as long as we're supporting him): Any piercing, ink.

Punishment: The offending offspring will not be allowed to live in our home once he/she reaches the age of 18, and we will not pay for college.

This is obviously an incomplete list, but these rules are most germane to this discussion.
Yeah. My parents had a multiple piercing rule too. Until I was 17 and bribed my Mom. I told her if she would allow me to get my second earlobe piercing I would pay to have hers done too. She couldn't resist.

Iowanian
05-15-2007, 09:50 PM
I just found out if they go down to Wanda's on the strip mall, she can get a complimentary coupon for a plate lip and a nose bone.

cdcox
05-15-2007, 10:37 PM
I'm about as conservative when it comes to my (17 yo) daughter as any father. On the other hand, I want her to share my values when she's old enough to make decisions completely on her own. When my daughter wants to try some new thing that is normally associated with "growing up", I normally have her wait for some period of time before allowing it.

The pattern is as follows:

daughter wants to try new thing
father and mother say just not yet
6 mos or a year or some appropriate time later we will agree that she can do it.

What you need to understand is that as soon as you give in on ear piercing, it will be leg shaving, or double piercing or some other thing. Then it will be more adult rated movies, dating, etc. The kid is always going to be pushing for the next thing. That is the kid's job. Your job is to slow them down so they are not emulating Brittany Spears at 13. If you wait a little while on ear piercing, it delays the time she will start lobbying for the next milestone because she will be too busy bugging you about ear piercing.

It's also okay to set some hard limits. We let our daughter get double piercings in her ears around age 14, with the understanding that there would not be any more piercings or ink while under our roof. That has made it a non-issue. She still talks about how some tattoos aren't so bad. I'll share my opinion and then remind her that when she can support herself she can get whatever tattoos she wants. That way she is allowed to have a contrary opinion without me agreeing to allow her to get a tattoo, now. Hard limits need to be made known in the early-tweener teen years so they aren't matters for negotiation later. Be careful of having two many of these though and keep them realistic. If you say no dating until you're 18, you'll have a hard time maintaining that and will just create unwanted rebellion if you try.

A few weeks ago my daughter wanted to put a blue streak in her hair. I wasn't in favor of it but relented on the grounds that 1) she was a good kid with good friends 2) hair grows out, its not permanent and 3) hair is the age old ( and relatively harmless) way for teens to express individuality and rebellion against their parents. After we gave permission she decided a few days later that she didn't want to do it after all, because her boyfriend thought it was kind of weird.

In these early tweener-teen years it is especially important to take things slowly. Drag things out as long as possible. Because once she hits 15 or so, you need to start slowly transitioning to a more permissive attitude. You want to give her more responsibility for making good decisions while she is still at home and you can have a big influence on helping her handle that responsibility. Give her more responsibility as she shows she can handle it. Talk about it in concrete terms: "Your mother and I have agreed you are old enough for "activity x" because you showed such good responsibility in the way that you handled "situation y". By the time she goes off to college, you want her to be making mostly good decisions on her own and to have a good deal of freedom and responsibility.

A key to make this work is to spend lots of time with your daughter both as a family and some father-daughter time. These activities should be fun and include some time to for the two of you to talk. Relate to her experiences that you had when you were her age. She'll be interested in these stories and you can use them to subtlety influence her perceptions. You want to talk to her about the importance of making good decisions. It doesn't hurt to point to young women who you think are good and bad examples of decision making. By the time she reaches 14 or 15, she'll unfortunately have run across kids who have made bad decisions: girls who have gotten pregnant, kids who have gotten in trouble with the law, or kids who have died in drunk driving accidents. She'll see that mom and dad were looking after her interest when they were a little fuddy-duddy.

Finally, friends are huge. Go out of your way to facilitate and encourage activities with good kids, so she can form strong friendships with them. This doesn't have to be heavy handed. Be the dad that drives all her friends around when the friends are good. Look at their families: good families are more likely to have the kind of kids you want your child to have as teenage friends. Also families that share similar values to you are likely to be giving permission for new things near the same age as you are comfortable with. Talk about her friends with her so that you get a feeling about the direction they are going and she sees that you are interested in her life.

This has worked for me with my daughter. But every kid is different, so you will probably have to adapt this advice to your own situation.

Bet you didn't think that ear piercing was such a big deal, huh?

WestcoastChief
05-16-2007, 02:08 AM
Look at it this way, your not having to worry about a nine year old boy wanting his ears pierced. My niece was ten when she got hers done and she's twenty now, and she doesn't have coffee cups from her lobes just diamonds.

ChiefsFanatic
05-16-2007, 08:35 AM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

I let my 4 year old son get his ear pierced. I explained that it would hurt, I made hime watch people get it done, and he still decided to go through with it.

He let out a loud, wailing scream....and the women said "Thats it" and he was like "thats it?" and stopped screaming.

He had it for about 6 years until it got infected. He is 14 now, and has no desire to get it pierced again.

My daughter has had her ears pierced for a long time. She is 10 now. She wants a bikini for this summer, but I told her that if the top didn't touch the bottom, she wasn't wearing it.

NY CHIEF
05-16-2007, 09:19 AM
Thats about the right age these days my daughter had her ears done at 8 1/2 , cleans them every day no problems great kid......

BIG_DADDY
05-16-2007, 10:18 AM
I'm not sure what industry you're involved in, but in my industry, people are hired by their skills, not their looks. I however, don't work in the gym, wrestling, hooker industry.

Nice spin and convenient deflection. Sorry I even responded.

bogie
05-16-2007, 10:25 AM
I'm about as conservative when it comes to my (17 yo) daughter as any father. On the other hand, I want her to share my values when she's old enough to make decisions completely on her own. When my daughter wants to try some new thing that is normally associated with "growing up", I normally have her wait for some period of time before allowing it.

The pattern is as follows:

daughter wants to try new thing
father and mother say just not yet
6 mos or a year or some appropriate time later we will agree that she can do it.

What you need to understand is that as soon as you give in on ear piercing, it will be leg shaving, or double piercing or some other thing. Then it will be more adult rated movies, dating, etc. The kid is always going to be pushing for the next thing. That is the kid's job. Your job is to slow them down so they are not emulating Brittany Spears at 13. If you wait a little while on ear piercing, it delays the time she will start lobbying for the next milestone because she will be too busy bugging you about ear piercing.

It's also okay to set some hard limits. We let our daughter get double piercings in her ears around age 14, with the understanding that there would not be any more piercings or ink while under our roof. That has made it a non-issue. She still talks about how some tattoos aren't so bad. I'll share my opinion and then remind her that when she can support herself she can get whatever tattoos she wants. That way she is allowed to have a contrary opinion without me agreeing to allow her to get a tattoo, now. Hard limits need to be made known in the early-tweener teen years so they aren't matters for negotiation later. Be careful of having two many of these though and keep them realistic. If you say no dating until you're 18, you'll have a hard time maintaining that and will just create unwanted rebellion if you try.

A few weeks ago my daughter wanted to put a blue streak in her hair. I wasn't in favor of it but relented on the grounds that 1) she was a good kid with good friends 2) hair grows out, its not permanent and 3) hair is the age old ( and relatively harmless) way for teens to express individuality and rebellion against their parents. After we gave permission she decided a few days later that she didn't want to do it after all, because her boyfriend thought it was kind of weird.

In these early tweener-teen years it is especially important to take things slowly. Drag things out as long as possible. Because once she hits 15 or so, you need to start slowly transitioning to a more permissive attitude. You want to give her more responsibility for making good decisions while she is still at home and you can have a big influence on helping her handle that responsibility. Give her more responsibility as she shows she can handle it. Talk about it in concrete terms: "Your mother and I have agreed you are old enough for "activity x" because you showed such good responsibility in the way that you handled "situation y". By the time she goes off to college, you want her to be making mostly good decisions on her own and to have a good deal of freedom and responsibility.

A key to make this work is to spend lots of time with your daughter both as a family and some father-daughter time. These activities should be fun and include some time to for the two of you to talk. Relate to her experiences that you had when you were her age. She'll be interested in these stories and you can use them to subtlety influence her perceptions. You want to talk to her about the importance of making good decisions. It doesn't hurt to point to young women who you think are good and bad examples of decision making. By the time she reaches 14 or 15, she'll unfortunately have run across kids who have made bad decisions: girls who have gotten pregnant, kids who have gotten in trouble with the law, or kids who have died in drunk driving accidents. She'll see that mom and dad were looking after her interest when they were a little fuddy-duddy.

Finally, friends are huge. Go out of your way to facilitate and encourage activities with good kids, so she can form strong friendships with them. This doesn't have to be heavy handed. Be the dad that drives all her friends around when the friends are good. Look at their families: good families are more likely to have the kind of kids you want your child to have as teenage friends. Also families that share similar values to you are likely to be giving permission for new things near the same age as you are comfortable with. Talk about her friends with her so that you get a feeling about the direction they are going and she sees that you are interested in her life.

This has worked for me with my daughter. But every kid is different, so you will probably have to adapt this advice to your own situation.

Bet you didn't think that ear piercing was such a big deal, huh?

Excellent post sir. I know it's only pierced ears and all the kids are doing it. I just think this is a good time to teach her that she's not always going to be able to do what all the kids are doing. I'm trying not to say to her "you can't do it because I said so." We've given her a few reasons other than "you're too young." I was raised by parents that set rules (no matter how much I disagreed) and stuck to them. Hell I had a crew cut until I was a freshman in High School because that's how my Dad insisted I wear my hair. Even though ALL my friends had longer hair. I admit this thread has caused me to think more about the issue. As usual, I am impressed by the Planet.

bogie
05-16-2007, 10:37 AM
Nice spin and convenient deflection. Sorry I even responded.

You just seem to put so much emphasis on outer beauty, at least that's how I interpret some of your posts. That's cool, I just don't agree. I admit my post was border-line insulting. Sorry about that.

cdcox
05-16-2007, 10:50 AM
Excellent post sir. I know it's only pierced ears and all the kids are doing it. I just think this is a good time to teach her that she's not always going to be able to do what all the kids are doing. I'm trying not to say to her "you can't do it because I said so." We've given her a few reasons other than "you're too young." I was raised by parents that set rules (no matter how much I disagreed) and stuck to them. Hell I had a crew cut until I was a freshman in High School because that's how my Dad insisted I wear my hair. Even though ALL my friends had longer hair. I admit this thread has caused me to think more about the issue. As usual, I am impressed by the Planet.

You might explain that one purpose of feminine adorments, such as pierce ears, make-up, etc is to make ones self attractive to boys. And that you and her mother believe she is a little too young to start that path. That has a little more rationale than "your too young" and sets the tone for the future.

As others have suggested, I'd set a time line or a specific goal at which point she can have it done. That will show her that you are listening to her desires and that you understand she is growing up. You may want to start increasing her responsibilities as she gains privileges, to show that growing up is a two-way street.

Joie
05-16-2007, 11:20 AM
You might explain that one purpose of feminine adorments, such as pierce ears, make-up, etc is to make ones self attractive to boys. And that you and her mother believe she is a little too young to start that path. That has a little more rationale than "your too young" and sets the tone for the future.

As others have suggested, I'd set a time line or a specific goal at which point she can have it done. That will show her that you are listening to her desires and that you understand she is growing up. You may want to start increasing her responsibilities as she gains privileges, to show that growing up is a two-way street.
Why plant a seed that may not be there yet? I wouldn't even bring up making one's self attractive to boys because that may just open a Pandora's Box neither of you are ready for yet.

chieftp
05-16-2007, 12:37 PM
My personal opinion is the exact opposite, I think if she is mature enough to properly take care of the earrings (keeping them clean, turning them regularly, and not letting them become a distraction to her other responsibilities at school or home) then let her have them. You know your child the best if she is ready then there is no reason to make her wait. I have two (twins) 10 yr old daughters who were ready to have their ears pierced at 8 yrs old. I feel that kids today are not given enough responsibilities and then when they get to be teenagers all hell breaks loose. They start getting their ears pierced, then make up, boys start calling, cell phones and then cars and ins. then they get jobs to help pay for all the things that their into. Next their off to college and away from mom and dad and running buck wild because they don't have a clue on how to handle all the responsibility they have just been given. It's just my opinion but if you start them young even if it something as small as properly caring for their own earrings, then learning how to handle their responsibilities then when they are older they much more ahead of the game. From my personal experince my daughters wanted to do it because they were big girls and promissed to properly take care of them, not because they were interested in boys, they have had their ears pierced for 2 yrs now and still have no intrest in boys except as play mates when other little girls are not around

Mr. Laz
05-16-2007, 12:57 PM
You say "sex with prepubescent girls;" I say "pierced ears."

Yeah. We're on the same page.
ROFL

Taco John
05-16-2007, 12:57 PM
My little sister had her ears pierced at 6 months...

I don't have a daughter, but when and if I do, I'll let her get her ears peirced when she's old enough to ask for it and make the choice for herself. She's a girl afterall...

scott free
05-16-2007, 01:04 PM
At age 9, i'd bet my car that a girls only thoughts on attracting boys is..."YUCKY".

luv
05-16-2007, 01:06 PM
At age 9, i'd bet my car that a girls only thoughts on attracting boys is..."YUCKY".
What kind of car?

scott free
05-16-2007, 01:08 PM
What kind of car?

The baddest 2000 Dodge Avenger you ever laid eyes on...shoot, i bet it'll do 220...

Taco John
05-16-2007, 01:09 PM
I think my daughter might take out of this, that Dad feels this way and I have to abide by his rules.


That's not what I took out of it when I was a kid and my Dad forced non-sensical rules on me. What I took out of it was that my Dad was irrational, didn't understand me, and thus was not worth my time trying to relate to. In fact, nonsense rules that I had growing up gave me less appreciation for rules, not more.

If the best you can do is "you're too young," all you're really doing is driving a wedge in between you and your daughter because she's not learning anything from it other than you value yourself and your rules more than you value her individualism. Only she won't think of it on rational adult terms like that. Whatever terms she relates it to, the bottom line is that unless you can give her a good reason that she can understand, you're not doing any teaching; you're just driving wedges.

luv
05-16-2007, 01:13 PM
The baddest 2000 Dodge Avenger you ever laid eyes on...shoot, i bet it'll do 220...
So, all I have to do is find a 9 year old interested in boys, and it's mine?

BIG_DADDY
05-16-2007, 01:13 PM
You just seem to put so much emphasis on outer beauty, at least that's how I interpret some of your posts. That's cool, I just don't agree. I admit my post was border-line insulting. Sorry about that.


For a guy who jacks people up for straight forward answers you sure have been spinning like a mo in this thread. I can't get you to address jack. Hell you won't even admit that people are judged by their looks their entire life. Pretty ridiculous dude. Makes it hard to have a real conversation with you. I can't imagine a 9 year old trying.

scott free
05-16-2007, 01:16 PM
So, all I have to do is find a 9 year old interested in boys, and it's mine?

Why do i get the distinct feeling i'm being led straight into a trap...

bogie
05-16-2007, 01:17 PM
You might explain that one purpose of feminine adorments, such as pierce ears, make-up, etc is to make ones self attractive to boys. And that you and her mother believe she is a little too young to start that path. That has a little more rationale than "your too young" and sets the tone for the future.

As others have suggested, I'd set a time line or a specific goal at which point she can have it done. That will show her that you are listening to her desires and that you understand she is growing up. You may want to start increasing her responsibilities as she gains privileges, to show that growing up is a two-way street.

I like setting a specific goal. We often do that when there's a toy she wants, she'll do extra chores to earn it.

luv
05-16-2007, 01:19 PM
At age 9, i'd bet my car that a girls only thoughts on attracting boys is..."YUCKY".
Oh wait. They don't have to like them, they just don't have to think they're yucky.

Would a 10 year old girl be close enough? My niece isn't interested in "attracting" them, but she doesn't think they're yucky.

bogie
05-16-2007, 01:20 PM
At age 9, i'd bet my car that a girls only thoughts on attracting boys is..."YUCKY".

I find that to be true with mine. However, at 8 her thought on attracting boys were YUCKY, POOEY, SPIT! Now they're only YUCKY.

scott free
05-16-2007, 01:25 PM
Oh wait. They don't have to like them, they just don't have to think they're yucky.

Would a 10 year old girl be close enough? My niece isn't interested in "attracting" them, but she doesn't think they're yucky.

Uh-Huh, i KNEW it...you were setting me up for the kill ay???

:)

luv
05-16-2007, 01:26 PM
Uh-Huh, i KNEW it...you were setting me up for the kill ay???

:)
Eh. I don't really need a car anyway. I've already got one. You can sell yours and send me the money though. :)

dr00d
05-16-2007, 01:44 PM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.


get over it, old man, just let her get her ears pierced.

Yellowbutter72
05-16-2007, 06:51 PM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

I have raised three girls and in my experience you need to pick your fights. This is not a fight that I would think you would want to pick as an important fight. There is so much peer pressure and most little girls have pierced ears. I would let my daughter pierce their ears, but I would tell her that certain earrings are off limits after they are pierced. You will have much bigger battles to settle as she grows older. Let her have this one if you think she is responsible enough to take care of them. Why not? Wouldn't pierced ears be better than a tatoo?

I never allowed my daughters to get their belly button pierced, but when they went away to college they had it done. I had to step back and tell myself that this was a trivial thing to worry about when they could have had a tatoo, been doing drugs, be pregnant our of wedlock. It was then that I realized how you have to pick your fights.

Good luck!

Future35
05-16-2007, 07:25 PM
I had my ears pierced way before I was 9, so did my little sisters. I don't see why it would be a big deal... its only her ears.... when I was in high school I wanted my belly button pierced my parents wouldnt let me said as long as I lived with them I couldnt... well as soon as I turned 18 I went and got it done then didnt find out til 3 months later when my cousin got her nose pierced they asked me if I had any piercing they should know about so I told them... they took my cell phone from me and said if they saw it they would rip it out... I still have it today and they only person that doesnt like it is my fiance... lol

cdcox
05-16-2007, 08:12 PM
Last two posts show that early ear piercing lead to belly button piercings.

Joie
05-16-2007, 08:16 PM
Last two posts show that early ear piercing lead to belly button piercings.
I can counter that. I had my ears pierced when I was six and have no body piercings and no tatoos. The worst I have is a cartilage piercing which I no longer use.

cdcox
05-16-2007, 08:31 PM
I can counter that. I had my ears pierced when I was six and have no body piercings and no tatoos. The worst I have is a cartilage piercing which I no longer use.

HA! Cartilage piercing! I knew it! Early poercing leads to rebellion!

Joie
05-16-2007, 08:40 PM
HA! Cartilage piercing! I knew it! Early poercing leads to rebellion!
I'll fess up. I have a total of six ear piercings. Four in my left ear and two in the right (right ear tends to get infected easy for some reason). Including the one cartilage piercing. The original holes were done when I was six, the double piercing at 17, the third hole in the left ear when I was 18 or 19 and the cartilage at about 20. I'm now 28 and only ever wear earrings in the original holes (for maybe the last two years or so).

Future35
05-16-2007, 08:46 PM
Last two posts show that early ear piercing lead to belly button piercings.
that wasn't my point at all I dont believe that it does.... It was my choice to get the belly button pierced not because I had my ears pierced early... I know several girls that have the ears pierced that dont have the belly button as well as girls that have belly button piercing and no ears...

cdcox
05-16-2007, 08:48 PM
I'll fess up. I have a total of six ear piercings. Four in my left ear and two in the right (right ear tends to get infected easy for some reason). Including the one cartilage piercing. The original holes were done when I was six, the double piercing at 17, the third hole in the left ear when I was 18 or 19 and the cartilage at about 20. I'm now 28 and only ever wear earrings in the original holes (for maybe the last two years or so).

Heh. No need to 'fess anything. I'm just having fun. My wife has 3 on one side and 2 on the other. She likes to be assymetrical.

Joie
05-16-2007, 08:55 PM
Heh. No need to 'fess anything. I'm just having fun. My wife has 3 on one side and 2 on the other. She likes to be assymetrical.
I figured since you called me on the cartilage piercing I could be honest. I often think about getting another.....but I never wear earrings in most of the ones I have now. I'm just glad I never got a tattoo. I had fully intended to about 5 years ago, and never had the chance.

bogie
05-17-2007, 10:33 AM
As I understand it, when you get your ears pierced, for the first few weeks of healing you need to spin them or something and keep them clean. Does anyone know how many weeks you need to worry about infection?

KCChiefsMan
05-17-2007, 02:53 PM
She is only 9!!!!


:shake:


nothing wrong with doing chores to earn what you want. it's better than just having everything handed to you and being spoiled

bogie
05-18-2007, 12:49 PM
Just to put a period on this. We are giving her 5 weeks to prove she's responsible enough to take care of her ears by herself. For the next 5 weeks, she will pretend she has ear rings and will come to us twice a day and tell us she rotated the ear rings and cleaned her ear lobes. She made a chart to track this. If she's successful, she'll be wearing new ear rings on her last day of school. I have changed my mind about her being too young. I truely hope she's successful.

BIG_DADDY
05-18-2007, 01:07 PM
Just to put a period on this. We are giving her 5 weeks to prove she's responsible enough to take care of her ears by herself. For the next 5 weeks, she will pretend she has ear rings and will come to us twice a day and tell us she rotated the ear rings and cleaned her ear lobes. She made a chart to track this. If she's successful, she'll be wearing new ear rings on her last day of school. I have changed my mind about her being too young. I truely hope she's successful.

Wait till she brings home the g-string panties in her teen years. ROFL

Can't wait to see your response then you ol poop.

bogie
05-18-2007, 01:25 PM
Wait till she brings home the g-string panties in her teen years. ROFL

Can't wait to see your response then you ol poop.

I know, I know. I am an old poop. Other than several good points from this thread, the thing that finally changed my mind was remembering how pissed I was at my Dad for not letting me grow my hair longer like the rest of my friends. He had no good reason other than that's the way he was raised. I have no good reason for her not to have her ears pierced other than that was the rules my Dad made for my sisters. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Mecca
05-18-2007, 01:37 PM
Jesus, my 16 year old sister will be like "look at my underwear" and your like uh..........atleast she's not wearing it when she does that that would be extremely creepy.

Joie
05-18-2007, 04:39 PM
As I understand it, when you get your ears pierced, for the first few weeks of healing you need to spin them or something and keep them clean. Does anyone know how many weeks you need to worry about infection?
Six weeks of twice daily cleaning and turning whenever she thinks about it. Eight weeks is even better. She'll hit a point eventually where she turns them without even thinking about it. I still play with my earrings sometimes and they've been pierced 22 years (God, I'm old!). Good luck to your daughter and if you have any questions at all before or after they're pierced feel free to PM me.

Yellowbutter72
05-20-2007, 07:14 PM
I know, I know. I am an old poop. Other than several good points from this thread, the thing that finally changed my mind was remembering how pissed I was at my Dad for not letting me grow my hair longer like the rest of my friends. He had no good reason other than that's the way he was raised. I have no good reason for her not to have her ears pierced other than that was the rules my Dad made for my sisters. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

I remember how upset I was with my mother because she would NOT let me get my ears pierced. She and my dad went on a business trip to New York and while she was gone I got them pierced. When she called me during their trip I told her I had my ears pierced and for her to cool down before she returned home. Then when she turned 65 she had me hold her hand while she got hers pierced! She is 80 now and still wears pierced earrings. I asked her why she would never let me get my ears pierced and she said that when she was growing up all the sluts had their ears pierced so she didn't want her daughter labeled a slut. Generation gap! lol

scott free
05-20-2007, 09:00 PM
I know, I know. I am an old poop. Other than several good points from this thread, the thing that finally changed my mind was remembering how pissed I was at my Dad for not letting me grow my hair longer like the rest of my friends. He had no good reason other than that's the way he was raised. I have no good reason for her not to have her ears pierced other than that was the rules my Dad made for my sisters. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Kudos to you bogie, i honestly think you made the right call...the part about Dad & your hair, really brings it into focus.

You are now in a VERY solid position to bring the hammer down, with regards to upcoming friends & clothes.

bogie
05-21-2007, 10:29 AM
I remember how upset I was with my mother because she would NOT let me get my ears pierced. She and my dad went on a business trip to New York and while she was gone I got them pierced. When she called me during their trip I told her I had my ears pierced and for her to cool down before she returned home. Then when she turned 65 she had me hold her hand while she got hers pierced! She is 80 now and still wears pierced earrings. I asked her why she would never let me get my ears pierced and she said that when she was growing up all the sluts had their ears pierced so she didn't want her daughter labeled a slut. Generation gap! lol

It is definitely a generation gap. Hell for my daughter and I it's almost two generations. Many of my high school friends are already grandparents and I'm still trying to raise a 9 year old. We've got a lot of challenges ahead of us.

BIG_DADDY
05-21-2007, 10:38 AM
I know, I know. I am an old poop. Other than several good points from this thread, the thing that finally changed my mind was remembering how pissed I was at my Dad for not letting me grow my hair longer like the rest of my friends. He had no good reason other than that's the way he was raised. I have no good reason for her not to have her ears pierced other than that was the rules my Dad made for my sisters. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks.

I think that was a good decision for what it's worth.

bogie
05-21-2007, 10:42 AM
I think that was a good decision for what it's worth.

I appreciate that sir.

Phobia
05-21-2007, 10:49 AM
Kudos to you for your ability to recognize your closed mind, admit the error, and correct it in favor of your daughter. It takes a mature man with an ego that is in check to do so. Most of us don't have that ability. I speak for myself when I say so.

bogie
05-21-2007, 11:02 AM
Kudos to you for your ability to recognize your closed mind, admit the error, and correct it in favor of your daughter. It takes a mature man with an ego that is in check to do so. Most of us don't have that ability. I speak for myself when I say so.

Thanks, I think.
:)

Phobia
05-21-2007, 11:04 AM
Nah, it was a big compliment IMO. I aspire to have the ego checked like that some day. Hopefully soon. Unfortunately most issues with my ego are eventually solved through much wailing and gnashing of the teeth befor the ego succumbs.

stevieray
05-21-2007, 11:41 AM
Kudos to you for your ability to recognize your closed mind, admit the error, and correct it in favor of your daughter. It takes a mature man with an ego that is in check to do so. Most of us don't have that ability. I speak for myself when I say so.

melodramtic, I'm sure his daughter would've survived.

bogie
05-21-2007, 11:44 AM
Fortunately or unfortunately, my ego gets checked on a regular basis.

Phobia
05-21-2007, 11:50 AM
melodramtic, I'm sure his daughter would've survived.

There is little doubt, but would it have started a rebellion ball rolling downhill? Who knows? We, as parents, have to find the appropriate balance in control. By age 9, kids should be making 50% of their daily decisions on their own - picking out their clothes in the morning, what to eat for breakfast, whether or not they should cuss like their friends at school, etc. If we parents are making most of those decisions for them, they aren't going to magically develop the ability to make good choices when we're not there to hand-hold.

stevieray
05-21-2007, 12:03 PM
Fortunately or unfortunately, my ego gets checked on a regular basis.

beauty of being a parent... the circle of family..

bogie, you've asked for advice before, and I'm glad to see you are following your heart. Don't feel guilty or blame yourself over your initial indecisiveness regarding this decison. Only you and your wife know your daughter, and what works for you and her.. it shows me that you care for the her well-being..and a sign of a good dad.

:toast:

bogie
05-21-2007, 12:40 PM
beauty of being a parent... the circle of family..

bogie, you've asked for advice before, and I'm glad to see you are following your heart. Don't feel guilty or blame yourself over your initial indecisiveness regarding this decison. Only you and your wife know your daughter, and what works for you and her.. it shows me that you care for the her well-being..and a sign of a good dad.

:toast:

I definately do care for her well-being. I constantly struggle to not go overboard with it.

stevieray
05-21-2007, 01:08 PM
I definately do care for her well-being. I constantly struggle to not go overboard with it.


to provide, as a Servant King
to protect, as a Tender Warrior
to teach, as a Wise Mentor and
to connect, as a Faithful Friend


A king who is not a servant is merely a tyrant.
A warrior who is not tender is only a brute.
A mentor who is not wise is just a know it all.
A friend who is not faithful is at best an aquaintence, or worse, a betrayer...

excerpts from the four pillars of a man's heart.

Chief Faithful
05-21-2007, 01:34 PM
I just want opinions. My 9 year old daughter wants to have her ears pierced. I believe the only reason she wants it is because her best friend is having it done. I am opposed to it, only because I think 9 is too young for pierced ears. I don't really have good reasons other than I think 9 is too young. Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Sorry if this is a REPOST. I just want other opinions.

My daughter had her ears pierced when she was nine. There was no negative consequence, they looked good, and it made for fun shopping trips to the mall with my daughter.

allen_kcCard
05-21-2007, 03:22 PM
My daugther is only 1, but my take on it doesn't really matter if she wants them when she is 5 or 13.

When she wants them it will probably be my first test for her to question peer pressure. Assuming she is old enough to manage it (on her own or with my help), my first task for her will be to go on the internet and find out for herself how to take care of pierced ears and what can happen if you don't.

If she still wants to at that point, my answer would be yes, but you have to earn it first, and then she would have some appropriately challenging chore that she would definately prefer to not do the chore on it's on merit, but attainable enough that if she really wants her ears pierced she can prove to me with her actions.

After that it would be up to her to change my "yes" to a "no" from her, and if she decides that it isn't that important to her I'll let her know she can ask again any time.


That is pretty much my way of doing things for most things with her older brother too. Instant gratification on "I want that" kind of requests is nice sometimes, but for the most part I like to give the "Yes, but...." answer and let them earn it. I think it means more to them that way and teaches them a lot in the process.

Yellowbutter72
05-21-2007, 04:56 PM
It is definitely a generation gap. Hell for my daughter and I it's almost two generations. Many of my high school friends are already grandparents and I'm still trying to raise a 9 year old. We've got a lot of challenges ahead of us.

Yes, you will have many challenges,and I admire you for making them, so this should be way down on the ladder of choices. Piercing ears does not mame you for life! If she decides she isn't ready then it is one of those decisions I think she is old enough to make. If the ears become infected it is only going to hurt her and nobody else. You rules sound very fair so good luck!