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Mr. Laz
05-24-2007, 02:25 PM
The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat in this?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?



What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer,
which most likely is one of the following: a. "Football." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"


Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, sh*tloads." b.
"Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"

Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"

Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call
you fat, but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the
proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better
personality." b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win
question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour
of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?

Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?

Man: Of course I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Man: Okay, I'd get married again.

Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

Man: (audible groan)

Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Man: Where else would we sleep?

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.

Woman: (silence)

Man: Sh*t.

afchiefs
05-24-2007, 02:30 PM
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.

Woman: (silence)

Man: Sh*t.[/QUOTE]

ROFL ROFL ROFL
that earns a rep

Direckshun
05-24-2007, 02:34 PM
I dated a brunette not too long ago.

She asked me what my favorite features were on her. I told her I liked her hair because I love brunettes.

And she asks, dead serious and intent on driving me nuts, "All brunettes?"

No, sweetheart. Just you. You're the only brunette on the planet that looks good...

kepp
05-24-2007, 02:37 PM
"Do I look fat?"
"Compared to what?"
ROFL

Donger
05-24-2007, 02:46 PM
I dated a brunette not too long ago.

She asked me what my favorite features were on her. I told her I liked her hair because I love brunettes.

And she asks, dead serious and intent on driving me nuts, "All brunettes?"

No, sweetheart. Just you. You're the only brunette on the planet that looks good...

Heh. This is an actual quote of mine long ago to my then girlfriend: "I love all women, honey. Just you specifically right now."

Yeah, that went over really well.

BIG_DADDY
05-24-2007, 02:55 PM
I can think of worse questions. Maybe it's just me but I never get those questions jus the do you love me one when we started out and ran across hard times once. Things I hate to hear are:

1. Who is "place girls name here"?
2. Boys trip to Vegas "So what are you doing?" :cuss:
3. Find another cute girl who goes both ways "but I'm not attracted to her" :banghead:
4. I guess the "why do you love me?" bugged me more when she used to say it.

lil momma is pretty secure so I don't have some of the issues other guys have.

CoMoChief
05-24-2007, 02:56 PM
How about "would you ever marry me?"

BIG_DADDY
05-24-2007, 03:01 PM
How about "would you ever marry me?"

That's easy, "why are you desperate or something?"

CoMoChief
05-24-2007, 03:06 PM
That's easy, "why are you desperate or something?"


I'm not sure if thats so much a knock on her or yourself.

:p

Cave Johnson
05-24-2007, 03:07 PM
1. Who is "place girls name here"?

Probably my least favorite, other than "Let's talk about our relationship."

BIG_DADDY
05-24-2007, 03:12 PM
Actually all those are pretty easy. The love one only came up when we were breaking up once so it had to be handled differently.

1. What are you thinking about? Where you should take me to dinner.

2. Do you love me? Yea I love you, when you're secure about yourself. Actually used this a long time ago. She asked what that was supposed to mean and I just smiled.

3. Do I look fat in this? I don't get this but my answer would be the same as I give to question I do get asked. Do you like this? If I don't I just say I would prefer something else.

4. Do you think she is prettier than me? Never got this ever. I think I would say "someone feeling insecure today"

5. What would you do if I died? Get someone else, you should too.
Although she never actually asked this it came up when trying to get her dad to move on after mom died.

BIG_DADDY
05-24-2007, 03:13 PM
I'm not sure if thats so much a knock on her or yourself.

:p

That depends on the delivery. :)

BIG_DADDY
05-24-2007, 03:19 PM
Probably my least favorite, other than "Let's talk about our relationship."

That's usually a sign that they want to speed up the relationship and draw more committment usually out of their own insecurity. Insecurity to me is BY FAR the least attractive personality trait. I tell any homeboys to run away from women like that as fast as they can.

Fruit Ninja
05-24-2007, 03:43 PM
with 4, you have to say no in .5 seconds after the question is asked.

1adam1238
05-24-2007, 03:47 PM
The one I don't want to hear is: Are you in yet?

Stewie
05-24-2007, 04:54 PM
Whaaaaaa?

#1 is "We need to talk."

Slick32
05-24-2007, 05:27 PM
My best friend's wife asked the following:

Are you happy?

That was the beginning of the end.

If you hear that one I'd recommend running at full speed to your lawyer, that way you might get to keep your golf clubs. He lost everything except the family debt.

Direckshun
05-24-2007, 05:29 PM
What's wrong?

Nothin'.

You sure?

You sure?

You sure?

You sure?

Spott
05-24-2007, 06:43 PM
1. What are you thinking about?
Either sex, football or beer.

2. Do you love me?
Does it matter?

3. Do I look fat in this?
I'd still do you.

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Why, do you think she'd be game for a threesome?

5. What would you do if I died?
Go to the strip club with my buddies.

luv
05-24-2007, 07:26 PM
The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

1. What are you thinking about?

2. Do you love me?

3. Do I look fat in this?

4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

5. What would you do if I died?


1. Good conversation starter, granted he's in the mood to talk (which he probably isn't).
2. She should already know without having to ask.
3. She should already know without having to ask.
4. She should already know without having to ask.
5. Why would she care? She's dead. It really won't matter.