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deadbabyseal
06-04-2007, 12:44 PM
* Fred Thompson often fills in for Paul Harvey and Batman.
* Physicists say nothing can escape a black hole or Fred Thompson.
* Why does Iran want nukes? Fear of Fred Thompson.
* Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn't stopped wetting his pants.
* Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.
* Every night, Osama checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.
* Fred Thompson is a prime number.
* Actual cause of global warming? Fred Thompson's burning rage.
* Fred Thompson appears human size because he is actually standing a million miles away.
* Not only does Fred Thompson cut taxes, he cuts tax collectors.
Since they know they can't outrun Fred Thompson, grizzly bears will often try and play dead.
One lazy afternoon, Fred Thompson felt like whittling. The result: Mount Rushmore
With Fred Thompson departing from Law & Order, it's now being renamed The Cops and Lawyers Fun Hour.
They say that after a nuclear blast, the only things that will survive will be cockroaches and Fred Thompson... except that Fred Thompson doesn't like cockroaches. So the only thing that will survive will be Fred Thompson.
Fred Thompson honors the fallen on Memorial Day by setting fire to hippies. Burn long and hard in their remembrance, you filthy hippies.
The grass is always greener on Fred Thompson's lawn. Always.
Fred Thompson has enough strength to throw Rosie O'Donnell ten feet.
In a Fred Thompson administration, there will always be room to disagree with him. That room is called the morgue.
In the series Law & Order, Fred Thompson plays the title character.
In times of trouble, Fred Thompson activates the secret gamma accelerator hidden his watch and powers up and transforms into... Fred Thompson.
Usually for a bill to become a law, it has to be passed by the House and the Senate and signed by the President, but once Fred Thompson made a bill into law by saying, "This bill is now the law" and punching Bill Clinton in the nads.
When Fred Thompson had to watch Sleepless in Seattle with his wife, somehow that version had ninja attacks, gun fights, and explosions.He still thought it was gay.
Fred Thompson was originally considered for the lead to 24, but then the producers realized that, with how long it takes Fred Thompson to solve any national crisis, they'd have to rename the series 0.2.
There's a UN council that focuses on finding ways to protect countries from the wrath of Fred Thompson. Their solution: Nuke selves.
When Fred Thompson throws a cat, it always lands on its head.
Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions solved problems like Maria.
Fred Thompson kills at least one terrorist every day before he even has his first cup of coffee. You don't want to be the terrorist he kills before he gets his first cup of coffee.
Fred Thompson can pat his head, rub his belly, and kill you all at the same time.
If all the computers in the world worked together, it would still take them six quintillion years to calculate exactly how awesome Fred Thompson is. In fact, computers will never be able to calculate that since Fred Thompson's awesomeness increases faster than Moore's Law.
Fred Thompson's response to the debate question "What do you dislike most about America?" would be to rip off Chris Matthew's head and shove it up his ass.
Fred Thompson can win any presidential debate by answering "I'm Fred Thompson" to every question.
Fred Thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.
In an election, it costs ten dollars to vote for Fred Thompson since voting for him is a privilege, not a right.
To save tax money, for a while Tennessee reduced it's police force to just Fred Thompson armed with a claw hammer. During that time, there was no crime in Tennessee or any contiguous state.
What would prove that the United States of America is the greatest nation to ever have existed? If Fred Thompson decides were worthy enough to have him as our leader.
When Fred Thompson found out a Senator had added pork to a bill, Fred Thompson ripped off the man's leg and beat him with it. The leg was later returned to the Senator as part of a bi-partisan compromise.
Fred Thompson can kill you just by thinking about you. Luckily, you're far too insignificant for him to think about.
Fred Thompson appears human sized because he is actually standing a million miles away.
While he is opposed to gay marriage, Fred Thompson is very compassionate towards gays since, in comparison to him, every man is a flaming homosexual.
Inexplicably, Fred Thompson receives a copy of tomorrow's newspaper at his doorstep every morning. He uses it to wrap fish since Fred Thompson doesn't care about either today's or tomorrow's liberal slant on the news.

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