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View Full Version : Hypothetical: Your visit to Stingapore


Rain Man
06-07-2007, 09:20 AM
Hypothetical situation: You're single and unattached, and despite all of your hours at Burger King, it's very hard to meet quality people. On a quiet Sunday morning, you reheat the previous day's leftover Whopper, wander out to your veranda, and read the Sunday paper.

On page J13, deep in the heart of the Travel & Leisure section, you suddenly see it. There, in the middle of the page. No, a little lower. A little lower. Further right. There. An ad. An ad by the famous travel company, Crabberzombie and Bent, displaying a special price to the Southeast Asian wonderland of Swingapore. Ah, Swingapore, where the hotels are nice and the women are naughty. Swingapore, where women outnumber men three to one, and will do exactly that for twenty dollars and a piece of cheesecake. Swingapore, where every GI since the Spanish-American war has left illegitimate dependents in small jungle villages where they're cared for by non-self-immolating Buddhist monks.

You call up Crabberzombie and Bent, and Gladys, the 87 year-old Swingapore travel consultant, punches you up some tickets in brave defiance of her increasing senility that can’t quite be diagnosed as Alzheimer’s so she has to work instead of being institutionalized. Three weeks later, you're off!

14 hours after takeoff, after three bags of airline pretzels and two movies that barely avoided direct-to-youtube status, you land in your sophomoric wonderland. You pop off the plane, retrieve your luggage, and wander into the airport bar. There are women there, lots of them, and you coyly make eye contact with one of them, just like you do at the Burger King back home.

Suddenly, there are sirens and police and old guys with black hats and bushy beards. They taser you and beat you with their batons and use that police choking technique that you must admit is really very effective. Ten minutes later, you're hauled before a stern-looking judge in a turban that you must admit is a nice shade of greenish-gold and really flatters his complexion.

What is this? you wonder. Swingapore is the most lax nation on earth. You can do anything in Swingapore. Men have been known to marry household appliances in Swingapore. What happened?

And then you see it: behind the stern-faced judge is a flag that shows a red crown on a gold field of daisies in front of a blue background. Swingapore's flag is a blue crown on a red field of daisies in front of a gold background. With a start, you realize that Gladys made the reservations improperly. You're not in Swingapore, you're in Stingapore!

Stingapore is in southwest Asia, not southeast Asia, and it’s the strictest nation on earth. People here are electrocuted for wasting electricity. People here are hanged here for commenting that they don’t like hanging. They’re shot here for saying that they don’t like that episode of WKRP where everyone was all sad because of the trampling deaths at the rock concert. Damn that Gladys and the doctor who diagnosed her!

There is no jury for your trial because they’ve all been hanged. There is no defender because he’s been shot. The bailiff is being stoned to death as you approach the bench. The judge, whose nickname is Hangin’ Shootin’ Stonin’ Draggin’ Behind Horses ‘Til You’re Dead Judge Baktalavi, pronounces you guilty of “looking at a women with intent toward perversion”, and bangs his gavel on the head of a guy who was sentenced to be the judge’s gavel base as a result of making incorrect change at a Burger King.

However, Stingapore has a new president, and he’s a lot more liberal than the old one, who was executed for being too strict. Under the new system, first-time offenders get to choose their punishment from a list of options to be provided by the judge. The judge hands you a list, and you have two minutes to decide. That list is in the poll to follow.

luv
06-07-2007, 09:32 AM
I voted for the 4-day long orgy. Maybe they'll buy that I'm least attracted to guys since I was heading to Swingapore, where the women outnumber the men by 3-1. And considering I'm there for eyeing a woman...

Rain Man
06-07-2007, 09:35 AM
Sorry, luv. You can't fool the judiciary. But your sentence has already been selected, so...

Pestilence
06-07-2007, 09:35 AM
I went with 8 hours locked in a hardware store with three bipolar skinheads/Crips, whichever is less preferable for your race, whose car you just door-dinged. I think that I could just cry and act like a little whiny bitch and they'd leave me alone. Plus it's only for 8 hours.

crazycoffey
06-07-2007, 09:46 AM
First of all, I want the name of your doctor, Mr. Rainman. I need me some of your prescriptions, please....


Second. I chose the .22 bullet. I know it could be a life threatening part of the body, but if it is truely a random body part selection, I have a much greater chance it ends up one of my appendages, the pain will suck but it seems quick and too the point comparable to the other choices, anyway....

Nice thread, kind Sir!

kstater
06-07-2007, 05:52 PM
6 yards of fire. Only 18 feet. Couple burns and I'm home free.

noa
06-07-2007, 06:22 PM
You know, I've always wondered about this scenario myself. Thanks for bringing it up.

I went with 2 years in the Congo. I would try to pass as a journalist and see if I can make it two years that way. I'm assuming I would have no money, so I would have to get some clothes and a camera somehow (probably illegally), but once I have those things, I would be on my way. I wouldn't put any film in the camera. I would just go around taking pictures of threatening people/groups in order to make them feel cool in return for food and shelter. I would promise that when I return to Australia (because people don't like Americans) in two years, I will feature them on my blog.

Count Zarth
06-07-2007, 07:11 PM
I picked the hardware store option. I can take 'em out.

Count Zarth
06-07-2007, 07:13 PM
I almost picked the tiger option, but realized they can climb trees. Although it WOULD be exciting. I'd fashion a crude spear from a tree branch.

Phobia
06-07-2007, 07:29 PM
6 yards of fire. Only 18 feet. Couple burns and I'm home free.

I figure you can get through it quickly enough to avoid burns, but it's gonna take care of all that unsightly body hair for sure.

Phobia
06-07-2007, 07:30 PM
I picked the hardware store option. I can take 'em out.

To.... McDonalds? I'm guessing Vern Troyer would give you a vicious beating.

Count Zarth
06-07-2007, 07:39 PM
To.... McDonalds? I'm guessing Vern Troyer would give you a vicious beating.

You can make a bomb from several items found within most hardware stores.

luv
06-07-2007, 07:40 PM
You can make a bomb from several items found within most hardware stores.
But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?

Count Zarth
06-07-2007, 07:44 PM
But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?

A hardware store is a big place.

KcMizzou
06-07-2007, 07:44 PM
But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?LMAO

She has a point.

Phobia
06-07-2007, 07:53 PM
But can you build it before they beat the shit out of you and stab you to death?Oh, I doubt they'd be much of a match for him. I'm guessing he'd neg rep them to death.

Fried Meat Ball!
06-07-2007, 07:53 PM
Two questions: I'd never go to Burger King. I prefer Wendys. Can I go to Wendy's instead?

Second: What kind of shoes am I wearing?

Phobia
06-07-2007, 07:55 PM
Second: What kind of shoes am I wearing?
Wow, that question came out of nowhere but I'll play.

I'm guessing 3.5" pumps. Same as usual.

Count Zarth
06-07-2007, 07:56 PM
Seriously. Do you folks know how many episodes of the A-Team I watched? I'd be lethal in a hardware store. Your worst ****ing nightmare.

Phobia
06-07-2007, 07:57 PM
Seriously. Do you folks know how many episodes of the A-Team I watched? I'd be lethal in a hardware store. Your worst ****ing nightmare.

Bubble gum doesn't actually explode.

crazycoffey
06-07-2007, 08:12 PM
The Hardware option is a tough one to choose, all the tools and things they could pull parts of your skin off with....

The fire option? 18 feet is nothing to sneer at, I say you fall on the other side, not dead, but good and bright red, no body hair, maybe part of your eyelids and lips gone. Not to mention if they make you run through completely naked, goodbye to the ol' bean bag.

big nasty kcnut
06-07-2007, 08:14 PM
I would want to fight one of their cop for my freedom.

boogblaster
06-07-2007, 08:20 PM
Probably should of stayed home and whacked-off to anal-pictures of Rosie O'Dongless....

Rain Man
06-07-2007, 09:13 PM
Am I thinking that running through 18 feet of a flaming gasoline fire is worse than it is? Because I'd think that it would be a lot worse than singed hair.

luv
06-07-2007, 09:15 PM
Enjoying day 1 of my orgy.

KcMizzou
06-07-2007, 09:16 PM
Am I thinking that running through 18 feet of a flaming gasoline fire is worse than it is? Because I'd think that it would be a lot worse than singed hair.Depends how fast you are, I guess. I could be pretty fast if I was on fire.

KcMizzou
06-07-2007, 09:17 PM
Even a slow fat guy can cover 18ft pretty quick.

Esp. on fire.

luv
06-07-2007, 09:20 PM
No guy has chosen the 4-day long orgy? Geez!

KcMizzou
06-07-2007, 09:22 PM
No guy has chosen the 4-day long orgy? Geez!I'll try my luck in the fire, thanks.

Reaper16
06-07-2007, 09:25 PM
I do like the gamble of the random body part being shot. Odds are good. 4-day orgy is the next best option, especially after the dudes slip some roofies in my drink so I can loosen up and hopefully forget about it all. Of course, that is all presuming that the "do-as-your-told" aspect of the orgy is concerning only sexual acts. Ultimately, the trauma is less damning than the other scenarios (aside from random body part being shot), which are brushes with death at best.

trndobrd
06-07-2007, 09:27 PM
Still not seeing "receive a very stern talking-to". I'll have to go through the options again.

luv
06-07-2007, 09:30 PM
I do like the gamble of the random body part being shot. Odds are good. 4-day orgy is the next best option, especially after the dudes slip some roofies in my drink so I can loosen up and hopefully forget about it all. Of course, that is all presuming that the "do-as-your-told" aspect of the orgy is concerning only sexual acts. Ultimately, the trauma is less damning than the other scenarios (aside from random body part being shot), which are brushes with death at best.
Unless they have some sort of funky STD's.

Bacon Cheeseburger
06-07-2007, 09:31 PM
I voted for the 10 shots to the groin. I figure after the first 3 or 4 I'd be numb to it and it would be over fairly quickly.

crazycoffey
06-07-2007, 09:37 PM
Am I thinking that running through 18 feet of a flaming gasoline fire is worse than it is? Because I'd think that it would be a lot worse than singed hair.


post 21, eyelids, partial lips, ball sack = all gone. not to mention that if it was a gasoline fire, some of the gasoline would be burning and still liquid, so it gets on your feet and splashes up on you legs and ass and back......


no thanks.

Reaper16
06-07-2007, 09:42 PM
Unless they have some sort of funky STD's.
Oh, damn. You're right, they've got to be loaded with panasian nightmares ready to destroy my body from the inside out. Good call, I rescind my position on the orgy.

Rain Man
06-07-2007, 10:05 PM
Enjoying day 1 of my orgy.

I'm enjoying thinking of Day 1 of your orgy.

ChiefJustice
06-08-2007, 02:03 AM
I'd take my chances with the tiger.

20 acres is pretty big.As long as there is a source of
water.. i could hold out for 9 days.

Since this enclosure is heavily wooded it should contain some other small wildlife that might satiate
the tiger's hunger for awhile.Or i could try and catch
a rabbit or something to use as bait in a trap.

First things first though:Fire and lots of it!
I'll need it for immediate defense,light at night,for making and hardening stakes and spears...and,for roasting that tiger over a spit.

It's all in the Boy Scout Handbook.

Now,if it was a hungry grizzly bear...i might be wishing i had chosen that 6 yard dash.

SPchief
06-08-2007, 02:35 AM
No guy has chosen the 4-day long orgy? Geez!



Being banged by four guys for three days? I'd rather die.

Fried Meat Ball!
06-08-2007, 06:50 AM
Wow, that question came out of nowhere but I'll play.

I'm guessing 3.5" pumps. Same as usual.
It's important. If I choose the tiger option, I wanna know what I'm capable of.

But the beige 3.5" pumps go with everything, you're right.

Pestilence
06-08-2007, 08:11 AM
I chose the hardware store.

Is this like a Home Depot? or a little Mom and Pop store?

I figure if it's home depot....I can just hide up on top of the rafters. Either that or try my best to fend them off with some tools. Mom and Pop store....I'd set that shit up like Home Alone....paint cans falling from the ceiling....

trndobrd
06-08-2007, 09:07 AM
I suppose I would take the hardware store. Being bi-polar, I'm sure they would have issues. We probably wouldn't have a lot to say at first, but eventually we would open up to each other....how we each ended up in the hardware store, the unrealistic expectation of our parents, how society unfairly labels us. We might not be friends when we leave, but we would respect each other.


.

Rain Man
06-08-2007, 12:06 PM
Interesting findings so far, with the wide dissemination of responses. Perhaps I should've toned down #3 and #7.

crazycoffey
06-08-2007, 12:09 PM
Interesting findings so far, with the wide dissemination of responses. Perhaps I should've toned down #3 and #7.


yeah, those two choices were almost the same thing.....

Rain Man
06-08-2007, 12:10 PM
Later, I realized that a good #3 would have been "Have three randomly selected non-big toes amputated." I wonder how that would've done.

crazycoffey
06-08-2007, 12:15 PM
Later, I realized that a good #3 would have been "Have three randomly selected non-big toes amputated." I wonder how that would've done.


I think I would have had a hard time being so certain for the 22 shot. I would probably have to look at the random wheel for random body part. (in four parts - Head, Chest, Penis, anywhere else - really would be easier to go for the 3 toes then.....)