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ILikeBigTiddys
06-18-2007, 08:58 PM
So just this last Saturday a toothless black guy came up to the house wanting to mow my lawn. Considering he was only wanting $25 for my bitch of a yard I said, ok. While he was mowing I was thinking how I shouldn't even answered the door because I don't want him coming around. Well tonight I come home from the gym and my wif said a dirty old man, that she could barely comprehend, woke her up from a nap saying he knew her husband and wanted 35 cents. Like a dumb woman she gave it to him. Now this mofo is probably going to stop by all the time and I need it to quit without pissing him off, because I dont want him to steal my shit either. Do I need to purchase a gun and some fake home security signs? The wif already knows not to answer the door when he stops by and to keep the doors locked at all times. Any suggestions besides antifreeze?

QuikSsurfer
06-18-2007, 09:00 PM
http://www.betterhomesecurity.com/images/R750-l.jpg

blueballs
06-18-2007, 09:00 PM
the fact you mention he was toothless
is troublesome

QuikSsurfer
06-18-2007, 09:02 PM
or this zelda sword
http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/yhst-31644440917560_1954_35779555

Coach
06-18-2007, 09:02 PM
M-1 Rifle and some C4 explosives should do the trick.

JBucc
06-18-2007, 09:05 PM
Call his mama and have her come yell at him and smack him on the head. In fact, in his cracked out state he probably won't be able to tell the difference so any large black woman should do.

Cochise
06-18-2007, 09:06 PM
Invite Bwana over for a week or so. Pay him in beer and brisket.

Bwana
06-18-2007, 09:06 PM
http://www.betterhomesecurity.com/images/R750-l.jpg

Ding Ding ROFL

Coach
06-18-2007, 09:07 PM
Invite Bwana over for a week or so. Pay him in beer and brisket.

A brilliant idea.

Athis
06-18-2007, 09:08 PM
The next time the fuggers come to your door just call the cops.

Simply Red
06-18-2007, 09:08 PM
So just this last Saturday a toothless black guy came up to the house wanting to mow my lawn. Considering he was only wanting $25 for my bitch of a yard I said, ok. While he was mowing I was thinking how I shouldn't even answered the door because I don't want him coming around. Well tonight I come home from the gym and my wif said a dirty old man, that she could barely comprehend, woke her up from a nap saying he knew her husband and wanted 35 cents. Like a dumb woman she gave it to him. Now this mofo is probably going to stop by all the time and I need it to quit without pissing him off, because I dont want him to steal my shit either. Do I need to purchase a gun and some fake home security signs? The wif already knows not to answer the door when he stops by and to keep the doors locked at all times. Any suggestions besides antifreeze?
Whatever you do don't do it again (let him mow.) Chances are he doesn't have insurance and could sue you with any injury occuring on your prop.

Bwana
06-18-2007, 09:10 PM
On a side not, this story just reminded me I need to run down some bird bombs. I only have ONE shell left which won't do with the 4th of July so near and the neighbors likely launching bottle rockets again.

http://www.westernwildlifecontrol.com/Prod12ga1.html

:evil:

Phobia
06-18-2007, 09:10 PM
Uh - bowl of antifreeze?

Lzen
06-18-2007, 09:10 PM
Drano

SnakeXJones
06-18-2007, 09:11 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e4/303_chef_folks.gif

Thomas McElroy: Dammit, monster, I ain't givin you no treefiddy.

Coach
06-18-2007, 09:13 PM
Uh - bowl of antifreeze?

*ahem* I believe he did say this...

Any suggestions besides antifreeze?

Fish
06-18-2007, 09:13 PM
Fill a Super Soaker up with vinegar....

Demonpenz
06-18-2007, 09:14 PM
fill a supersoaker with mayonasse

Spott
06-18-2007, 09:15 PM
Just shoot him.

Phobia
06-18-2007, 09:15 PM
*ahem* I believe he did say this...

Oh, well I was reading the thread, watching a 4 year old, and last Saturday night's SNL. I got confused.

Lzen
06-18-2007, 09:17 PM
Fill a Supersoaker up with gasoline while carry a lighter.

Fish
06-18-2007, 09:17 PM
Buy a large jar of jalapeņos.....

Drain juice in to Super Soaker....

Coach
06-18-2007, 09:17 PM
Oh, well I was reading the thread, watching a 4 year old, and last Saturday night's SNL. I got confused.

*nods*

Frazod
06-18-2007, 09:19 PM
That's the problem with these dirtbags - you give them a buck or handful of change once and they mark you as their personal free ATM forever.

TinyEvel
06-18-2007, 09:24 PM
Are pitbulls legal where you live?

Coach
06-18-2007, 09:25 PM
Just call the cops.

Fish
06-18-2007, 09:26 PM
Get a 1.75 of your favorite whiskey....

Fill Super Soaker with it...

Shoot yourself in the mouth repeatedly until you forget about the bum at the door...

ILikeBigTiddys
06-18-2007, 09:29 PM
Yeah no pitbulls allowed here. I do have a pussy Golden Retriever though. I mentioned about getting a German shepard to the wif but she isnt down with that.

Easy 6
06-18-2007, 09:32 PM
Get a 1.75 of your favorite whiskey....

Fill Super Soaker with it...

Shoot yourself in the mouth repeatedly until you forget about the bum at the door...

... LMAO ...

CoMoChief
06-18-2007, 09:32 PM
You got any black friends?

Wilson
06-18-2007, 09:45 PM
May I recommend a stab in the face?

ILikeBigTiddys
06-18-2007, 09:47 PM
You got any black friends?

Yep, why?

Delano
06-18-2007, 09:50 PM
WTF is up with the "wif" schtick?

ILikeBigTiddys
06-18-2007, 09:53 PM
WTF is up with the "wif" schtick?
Instead of saying the wife I say the wif.

Delano
06-18-2007, 09:54 PM
Instead of saying the wife I say the wif.

Pronounced whiff, as in, get a whiff of that thang?

Predarat
06-18-2007, 09:56 PM
Find a way to get him onto your dental plan and get him some new teeth. Thats all he wants, once he gets those he will either leave you alone or bite you with them to get more money for crack.

ILikeBigTiddys
06-18-2007, 10:20 PM
Pronounced whiff, as in, get a whiff of that thang?

Yeah

Simplex3
06-18-2007, 10:31 PM
You got any black friends?
He does now. :)

Baconeater
06-18-2007, 10:33 PM
Move.

Simplex3
06-18-2007, 10:34 PM
You can start by just waiting for the next time he comes around and just laying it out like it is:

"Hey man, I helped you out twice. At this point, though, you're freaking my wife out. If you'd like I'll help you out one last time and drive you to a shelter. Otherwise, thanks for mowing the lawn. Good luck and God bless."

He's done this before, he knows what time it is.

Then if he doesn't get the hint start calling the cops.

Bwana
06-18-2007, 11:09 PM
Yeah no pitbulls allowed here. I do have a pussy Golden Retriever though. I mentioned about getting a German shepard to the wif but she isnt down with that.

Take back pants from "wif", go obtain the crack ho eating German Shepard you want. :hmmm:

DenverChief
06-19-2007, 01:38 AM
http://www.dog.com/breed/docgrafx/belgmali.jpg

DenverChief
06-19-2007, 01:40 AM
Take back pants from "wif", go obtain the crack ho eating German Shepard you want. :hmmm:


Belgian Malinois

Kerberos
06-19-2007, 07:15 AM
toothless black guy

Racist.

Reerun_KC
06-19-2007, 08:02 AM
Find a way to get him onto your dental plan and get him some new teeth. Thats all he wants, once he gets those he will either leave you alone or bite you with them to get more money for crack.


ROFL That is priceless!

Iowanian
06-19-2007, 09:05 AM
For some reason, I think you can look forward to Dave Chappel characters' with powder on thier faces, crapping behind your trashcans for the remainder of your stay.

You might as well just put some cots in your garage now, and save them the trouble of breaking into your car.


Yesterday, 2 American _________ Terriers became property of the city in which I live, after one tackled a 60 year old female meter reader and chewed holes big enough to hide golf balls in her arm and back....and another American ________ Terrier attacked a lady's dog that she was walking.

I think their just in holding until they're destroyed anyway....I'll bet you could borrow one of these friendly, loving family pets to defend your crackdom.

Molitoth
06-19-2007, 09:06 AM
http://www.costumesandprops.com/graphics/NoisyCricket254x173.jpg

Was going to suggest busting out the noisy cricket, but he might think its drug paraphernalia.

Dicky McElephant
06-19-2007, 09:12 AM
Switch out your house number with the neighbor next door. When he comes to the door...answer it and act like you don't know him. Tell him he has the wrong house. If he's on crack....he'll get confused and leave.

Micjones
06-19-2007, 09:23 AM
Just be honest with the man and tell him not to keep dropping by your house looking for favors.

Simply Red
06-19-2007, 09:34 AM
He does now. :)
ROFL

chasedude
06-19-2007, 09:52 AM
Heh... goggle crackhead repellent.

This is the first thing that came up.

Simply Red
06-19-2007, 10:03 AM
Heh... goggle crackhead repellent.

This is the first thing that came up.

:) Goggle? :)

chasedude
06-19-2007, 10:18 AM
:) Goggle? :)
:spock: sorry index finger twitching aggain.

edit: it really is twitching, I didn't mean to type again with 2 g's... ROFL

Phobia
06-19-2007, 10:24 AM
Just be honest with the man and tell him not to keep dropping by your house looking for favors.

You're absolutely right. I don't know why people can't just communicate the simple stuff. Folks seem to take drastic measures when basic communication skills would probably resolve the problem very simply.

Nice post.

Simply Red
06-19-2007, 10:33 AM
You're absolutely right. I don't know why people can't just communicate the simple stuff. Folks seem to take drastic measures when basic communication skills would probably resolve the problem very simply.

Nice post.

Actually, I thought the same thing when I read that. Mic, it's about time, But I agree w/ Phil simply thought out post, well done.

ILikeBigTiddys
06-19-2007, 10:53 AM
Basically, Im going to say what Simplex3 and micjones mentioned earlier. And I'm definitely going to keep in mind what Simply Red said about someone suing me. Because there are a couple of areas where someone could easily get hurt. Hell, a month ago a couple of Mexicans came by wanting to mow until I showed them the back yard. Then they realized it was going to be too much work and backed out. I about shitted myself. I wanted to ask them if they were Mexicans or Mexicants but that would be pretty effed.

Eric
06-19-2007, 11:08 AM
Dumbass. Call the police.

ChiefsFire
06-19-2007, 11:21 AM
Just be honest with the man and tell him not to keep dropping by your house looking for favors.

And the fun in that is?

Have him mow your yard again...prior to that, dig large hole in said yard...As he passes over it, he will drop into the hole...backfill with dirt....overseed with new grass seed....

The benefit is two-fold...no more hobo and a new mower

MOhillbilly
06-19-2007, 11:27 AM
throw a rubbersnake on him.

eazyb81
06-19-2007, 12:05 PM
Get a pitbull and tie him to a tree in the front yard. If anyone asks if it's a pitbull, just tell em it's a mutt you got from the pound.

Baby Lee
06-19-2007, 12:09 PM
We have a neighborhood guy who is mute, or plays one, who has the balls to ring your doorbell to ask for $$ [on his little notebook]. That I could weather graciously. But then, last year he came up to me while I was sweating my balls off dragging brush off my yard after the big storm. It's a billion degrees, I'm in shorts and a tank top, sweating buckets, tugging a bundled metric ton of brush down the alley, my electricity has been off all week, and he wants $$. I think I was polite, but I definitely was firm in my refusal. Haven't seen him in a while.

Iowanian
06-19-2007, 12:11 PM
AntiFreeze Brownies.