View Full Version : The Beemanity!

07-05-2007, 05:14 PM
Found this on another board and got a kick out of it. Sounds like something Psicosis or GC would write.



I am visiting my family in Florida for the holidays. I was chillin at my sister's house when we looked out back and noticed a swarm of honeybees congregating on their swingset. There are a lot of kids around, including my sister's 3 kids. They were inside at the time, fortunately.

****in Bees!

The bees were coming from A hole in the house behind my sister's place. We told the landlady about it and she didn't seem to care or want to be bothered that she was renting a house to people that had ****ing BEEES living inside it.

The neighbor called a bee removal company and they said they wouldn't come out unless we paid a hefty fee, but he did recommend waiting until dark and go buy some stuff from Home Depot and squirt them with it and that should kill them off.

Well that plan was OK except for 2 things. 1 was that my sister's husband is crazy. The 2nd thing is we didn't want to wait that long nor spend any money.

So we did the next best thing. Started ****ing with the bees.

My bro in law chucks a tennis ball at the clump of bees, that was the size of a basketball. He knocked off a fist sized clump of bees, which eventually just flew back up into the main clump.

That was pretty boring, so we decide to try something a little bigger....

Yeah, a 40lb trailer hitch for a Dodge Caravan. INCOMING!

CLANG! We have bees in freefall! Did I mention he is severely allergic to bees?

Pile O Bees

The bees dust themselves off, and resume taking over the swingset. Every single one pretty much flew back up into a ball of bee death.

At this point it was clear these little assholes weren't getting the message. Their arrival in my sister's property was an act of agression, and we weren't going to stand for it. So it was time for some redneck engineering:

Bee incinerator contraption:
- 30 feet of rope
- 1 large fire pit
- 1 science project board
- miscellaneous rags and a bedsheet
- gas

Fill 'er up! Slide the incinerator under the bees and....



Amazingly some bees still survived the first wave. What should we do next?

The next ingredient is 1.5 quarts of PAINT THINNER

OH YES!!!!


Tonight we are having Roast Bee

The Aftermath.

Number of allied casualties (er, stings): 0
Number of bees killed: est. 10,000
Number of bee survivors: about 25 or so


07-05-2007, 05:34 PM
They didn't want to spend any money but fried up $20 in paint thinner and two swings. Brilliant.

07-05-2007, 06:22 PM
amazing photography work, or were those frame grabs from a hi-def camera?

Dave Lane
07-05-2007, 06:58 PM
You do know they would have flown away as soon as they found a spot to nest in 2 - 4 hours normally. I used to raise bees so I hate to see them destroyed without reason but whatever...


Ari Chi3fs
07-05-2007, 11:09 PM
**** you bees!

07-05-2007, 11:12 PM
That probably made the price of oranges go up alittle bit

07-05-2007, 11:13 PM
DAmn dude. That would have been fun to watch. How was the heat wave?

07-05-2007, 11:17 PM
That sucks for the bees. We're already going to be facing an agriculture crisis because of a lack of bees.

Not cool. Not cool at all :(

07-05-2007, 11:21 PM
While I do think that is a very nice photo narrative, I must say, with the bee population so important and suddenly disappearing, that was a bummer.
He handled that like a true George W Bush cronie.

07-06-2007, 01:50 AM
Could have just smoked them away without burning them to death.