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pikesome
11-14-2007, 08:56 AM
Some background...When I was younger my parents and my father's parents had a disagreement over alcohol in the house. Both of my parents were tea-toodlers, not for religious reasons, they just didn't drink anymore. My grandparents, on the other hand, had been social drinkers since recorded history. They never had any problems with it, always knew their limits and very, very rarely got more than tipsy. My grandfather, in particular, thought that it was unwise for me and my siblings to learn to drink outside of the house while my mother wasn't going to serve alcohol in her home just so we (us kids) could drink.

I have a son who will, likely, have some exposure sometime in a few years regardless of whether I want or not. My wife and I don't drink anymore, it's been years since I had more than 1 beer in a day and probably longer for her. We don't have any reasons for my kids to not drink, I just want them to know what's what before they're in a position where youthful invincibility and inexperience combine to get him in trouble. I have no plans to be that parent who lets his kids drink at home so they're not drinking other places, on the other hand, I'm not going to run a bar.

Anyone been through this before? How'd you handle it? Did you screw up along the way? I'm not looking to be overly permissive, I like to run a tight ship at home but alcohol is a part of life, starting in HS for a large number of kids and I'd rather be ahead of problems than looking for rehab clinics or caskets.

chasedude
11-14-2007, 09:04 AM
Have you talked with them about Drugs too?

pikesome
11-14-2007, 09:12 AM
Have you talked with them about Drugs too?

The wife, a pediatric nurse in a PICU, has covered that. With all of the nursing school classes on drug effects and that sort it's been gone over. I think we've done about the best possible on that front, at least till he gets a bit older. Drugs being illegal helps, that's why I worry a bit more about drinking.

chasedude
11-14-2007, 09:14 AM
The wife, a pediatric nurse in a PICU, has covered that. With all of the nursing school classes on drug effects and that sort it's been gone over. I think we've done about the best possible on that front, at least till he gets a bit older. Drugs being illegal helps, that's why I worry a bit more about drinking.

They're underage so it's illegal... that's a good selling point.

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 09:18 AM
They're underage so it's illegal... that's a good selling point.


In Kansas it's legal to serve your children alcohol.

RustShack
11-14-2007, 09:18 AM
Unless your kids have a 4.0 and no "cool" friends, your ****ed. Probably 90% of high schoolers drink. Most of the time parents will think their kids are in the right crowd that doesn't do that, they are wrong. There are the obvoius kids that drink, the ones who you think do but they really don't, and the ones who drink that you would never think would.

chasedude
11-14-2007, 09:19 AM
In Kansas it's legal to serve your children alcohol.

No Sh*t ?! Learn something new everyday.

Pushead2
11-14-2007, 09:20 AM
beat them into submission of no drinking.

pikesome
11-14-2007, 09:21 AM
They're underage so it's illegal... that's a good selling point.

Based on my own experiences, maybe not good enough. And when he hits 21 it suddenly becomes legal. I think it'd be prudent to have some familiarity before he's forced to make decisions on his own.

pikesome
11-14-2007, 09:22 AM
In Kansas it's legal to serve your children alcohol.

There's quiet a few rules to this but, yea, in essence it is.

RustShack
11-14-2007, 09:22 AM
Tell them you don't care if they have a couple friends over for beers every once in a blue moon, and not to drink and drive. Tell them if the police ever catch them not to call you, and they are on their own.

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 09:25 AM
No Sh*t ?! Learn something new everyday.


Doesn't mean that you can buy them a case and send them on their way to the party, or buy a keg when you leave on vacation. Child endangerment laws still apply, so you can't teach a 6 year old how to shotgun beers.

phisherman
11-14-2007, 09:26 AM
Unless your kids have a 4.0 and no "cool" friends, your ****ed. Probably 90% of high schoolers drink. Most of the time parents will think their kids are in the right crowd that doesn't do that, they are wrong. There are the obvoius kids that drink, the ones who you think do but they really don't, and the ones who drink that you would never think would.

agreed completely.

as the husband of a teacher, there are A TON of parents that say, "my child wouldn't do that".

makes me laugh; i was a clean cut kid in high school and i partied my a** off. it was SO easy to get away with it since I was such a "good kid". parents of my friends wouldn't suspect at all.

my parents were wise though to my shenanigans. they just tried to get me to use my best judgement and not harm others.

on the other hand, my wife grew up in a house where wine and beer were served regularly and never in excess, except by her parents. you'd think that growing up around responsible use would have kept her from getting crazy in college. WRONG. no matter how much you show your kids what's correct, they're still going to want to figure things out for themselves.

i just hope that when i have kids that they'll have enough of a sense of right/wrong to make those kinds of decisions.

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 09:26 AM
Give the kid a bottle of bourbon, then make him get up and mow the lawn the next morning.

RustShack
11-14-2007, 09:28 AM
Your not going to be able to stop them, just hope they are smart with it.

pikesome
11-14-2007, 09:29 AM
Give the kid a bottle of bourbon, then make him get up and mow the lawn the next morning.

That's my Grandfather's preferred poison. I don't see how he's been able to keep drinking that stuff. Although he does have a good number of friends who gift some awfully good liquor at times, he's got a bottle of Gran Mariner that's my age, pretty decent stuff.

pikesome
11-14-2007, 09:30 AM
Your not going to be able to stop them, just hope they are smart with it.

That's what I'm thinking. I'd like to help with the "smart with it" part if I could.

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 09:35 AM
Child endangerment laws still apply, so you can't teach a 6 year old how to shotgun beers.

that's too bad. you would be the hit of every party you brought him along to. your 6 year old would be the envy of his kindergarten class.



disclaimer: i don't believe it's right to have a 6 year old shotgunning beers or even drinking. they can wait til 9

Bump
11-14-2007, 09:43 AM
I never really started drinking until I was about 20 and in college. KU is a party school and I definately partied a lot over my years there. A lot of hangovers in class but I got it done and really have no regrets. I keep my drinking to a minimum these days but I do feel the urge to "let loose" at least once per week. It seems most kids drink in high school, you just have to make sure they can make decent decisions while drinking (not driving and don't over do it).

Demonpenz
11-14-2007, 09:44 AM
I would tell them that they would be in deep deep shit if they were caught drinking under 21, show them livers that have cirrosus then show pictures of decapitated bodies that were due to drinking and driving, then throw in a video of damon huard to really get them scarred shitless. Then the kids will have extra fun sneaking the booze around

RustShack
11-14-2007, 09:44 AM
Every school is a party school now.

Bump
11-14-2007, 09:52 AM
Every school is a party school now.

true

HolyHandgernade
11-14-2007, 09:57 AM
My son is only 8, so we don't feel alcohol is appropriate for him yet. My daughter, on the other hand, is 17, and we let her try anything she likes. She hates the taste of alcohol. She likes the taste of Pina Colodas, but not with rum!

Of course, my kids don't even like carbonated drinks, so perhaps my example isn't that great, but I always believed that if you take the tabboo away from certain things, its less likely to be a source of rebellion later.

-HH

Saulbadguy
11-14-2007, 10:02 AM
Just assure him under any circumstances, if he needs a ride home, to give you a call. IMO.

DaKCMan AP
11-14-2007, 10:19 AM
Every school is a party school now.

Some more than others:


Based on a combination of survey questions concerning the use of alcohol and drugs, hours of study each day, and the popularity of the Greek system

School Name
1 West Virginia University

2 University of Mississippi

3 The University of Texas at Austin

4 University of Florida

5 University of Georgia

6 Penn State--University Park

7 University of New Hampshire

8 Indiana University at Bloomington

9 Ohio University-Athens

10 University of California-Santa Barbara

11 Randolph-Macon College

12 University of Iowa

13 Louisiana State University

14 University of Maryland-College Park

15 University of Tennessee--Knoxville

16 University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

17 Arizona State University at the Tempe Campus

18 Florida State University

19 University of Alabama--Tuscaloosa

20 State University of New York at Albany

http://www.princetonreview.com/college/research/rankings/rankingDetails.asp?categoryID=3&topicID=26

ottawa_chiefs_fan
11-14-2007, 10:20 AM
On my third one through the process now. He is 15. Other 2 are 19 and 21 - in university. Drinking age up here is 19. All you can really do IMO is show a good example, don't treat alcohol like it is the devil's brew (like my parents) - introduce them to it under your supervision. We have a cottage and my older kids came up in the summer and my youngest was involved in drinking - again - under our supervision. So now he has an idea of how much he can drink, how fast, it's effects, etc. Better to find that out around us than his friends in the park (like me). I think a lot of early over-drinking is becuase kids do not realize the effects and how little it takes to lose your sense of control.

Is he drinking with his friends? Probably....I can't and won't try and control that...I just tell him I would rather he did not and DO NOT get into a car with a driver who has been drinking...EVER!! That is the MOST IMPORTANT RULE. PERIOD!

NewChief
11-14-2007, 10:26 AM
Anyone been through this before? How'd you handle it? Did you screw up along the way? I'm not looking to be overly permissive, I like to run a tight ship at home but alcohol is a part of life, starting in HS for a large number of kids and I'd rather be ahead of problems than looking for rehab clinics or caskets.

Ours are too young to worry about this currently, but the families' of my wife and I are a pretty good example of two different techniques. My brothers and I were all raised around Southern Baptist teetotalers. All three of us rebelled like hell and were extremely dangerous and stupid with alcohol. All three of us still probably drink more than we should (with one of my brothers being a full blown substance abuser).

My wife's family, on the other hand, were raised all drinking socially and responsibly with their parents. None of them have anything close to a drinking problem, and my wife drinks significantly less than I do.

Of course, my mom's sister raised her kids pretty much the same way (teetotaler) as my parents raised us, and all of her kids are teetotalers as well, now, and never really drank or raised hell in high school or college.

It's really hard to say what the right answer is.

Delano
11-14-2007, 10:32 AM
My parents introduced me to alcohol after working in the hayfield or mowing the yard on particularly hot days.

Probably a decent way to introduce the stuff without saying "kid, we want you to find out your tolerance."

Rausch
11-14-2007, 10:33 AM
In my senior class I can only think of 3 kids who didn't drink.

If there was something I wanted my kids to know about drinking before they started I'd start telling them now. Pro or con or whatever you better get your ideas in their head early because they're going to have some awfully stiff competition later on...

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 10:45 AM
My old man used to give us drinks of his beer when he was grilling or watching a game back when we were kids. I always hated the taste and swore I'd never drink.

Fast forward to age 14 when I had my first drunk experience. Drank vodka all night with my friend and his sisters (senior in HS) friends. Walked home the next morning (lived in same neighborhood) and then puked in my bathroom. After I passed out, I remember my dad waking me up and asking "It's not so great the next day is it?" .....I didn't drink for two more years.

I smoked pot and drank from my junior year of HS into college and always had the "support" of my parents. Now I didn't do it in front of them in high school, but they knew I was doing it. They always told me just to not go to excess (which I rarely did) and to never, ever drive or ride with those who had been drinking.

Today I drink at tailgates, poker, nights out, etc...but I rarely drink to excess. It's my opinion that if your parents hold you hostage and tell you drinking is the devil, you'll do it just to piss them off. It's better that they learn from you and that you have an open policy about it. I never understood my friends that told me their parents would whip their ass if they got drinking. Talking about it with your kids usually solves (prevents) a lot of problems down the road.

sedated
11-14-2007, 12:24 PM
My old man used to give us drinks of his beer when he was grilling or watching a game back when we were kids. I always hated the taste and swore I'd never drink.

Fast forward to age 14 when I had my first drunk experience. Drank vodka all night with my friend and his sisters (senior in HS) friends. Walked home the next morning (lived in same neighborhood) and then puked in my bathroom. After I passed out, I remember my dad waking me up and asking "It's not so great the next day is it?" .....I didn't drink for two more years.

I smoked pot and drank from my junior year of HS into college...

this section of your post is nearly the exact same as me and my background with alcohol/drugs.

but after that, it couldn't be more opposite.

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 12:26 PM
this section of your post is nearly the exact same as me and my background with alcohol/drugs.

but after that, it couldn't be more opposite.

i assume you're pointing out that you still smoke pot, while i don't??

Wile_E_Coyote
11-14-2007, 12:32 PM
The best time to vaccum is on a Sunday morning outside the kid's room :cuss:

MaxFects
11-14-2007, 12:38 PM
I think I was scarred by watching my older wasted brother one time puke his brains out in a backyard when I was 12. Ive never been the type to let myself get past buzzed because of this. So maybe you should drink and puke in front of them :)

ChiefsCountry
11-14-2007, 12:41 PM
I remember the time my parents wanted me to try alcohol of course at this time I already had but they didnt know that. Mom had this small bottle of whiskey, so I went grapped a Coke out of the fridge. Of course my little sister spit it out and I finished the rest of the bottle. The funniest thing was Dad asking why I went and got a chaser. And he said looks like you have done that before.

Demonpenz
11-14-2007, 01:07 PM
I drank some in high school. You would get kicked off the baseball team or football team if you got caught. So i drank some during basketball. My basic thinking is man if you start drinking when you are 17-18 that is along time being drunk before you even get to 21. 21-25 drinking is pretty fun. If you still go out and party like your in college when you are 26-27 you are having some problems

BigOlChiefsfan
11-14-2007, 01:45 PM
In europe children see their parents drinking wine with dinner. When they're 'old enough' (and that age varies) the parents start allowing the children to have small amounts of wine - usually 'cut' with water - with their meals. They learn to enjoy wine with food, they DON'T learn to get drunk.
My family of teetotalers didn't know how to prepare me very well for life-after-their-house and it took me several years to learn that alcohol should be a pleasure, not a competetive sport. If you can teach them to enjoy their drink of choice with food and/or friends, and put a 2 drink per day limit on themselves from the start they'll never have many problems.

MOhillbilly
11-14-2007, 01:48 PM
my dad would drink a case before noon. according to him though he was never drunk.

barry_smilez20
11-14-2007, 03:59 PM
I think I was scarred by watching my older wasted brother one time puke his brains out in a backyard when I was 12. Ive never been the type to let myself get past buzzed because of this. So maybe you should drink and puke in front of them :)

this man is a truthsayer same thing happened with me younger brother watching me wasted