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FAX
11-14-2007, 03:21 PM
Husb: "Where Do You Want To Meet For Dinner?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Okay. Or we could go to Vallentinos."
Husb: "Uh ... okay."
Wife: "You don't want to go to Valentinos?"
Husb: "No. Valentinos is fine."
Wife: "Or, we could go to Jim and Nicks. Or the Green Hills Grill."
Husb: "Okay. Where do you want to go?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "Okay. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "Sure. But, we haven't been to Jim and Nicks in a while."
Husb: "So, you want to go to Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Isn't that where you want to go?"
Husb: "Jim and Nicks is fine."
Wife: "Well, you didn't sound too excited about Valentinos."
Husb: "No, not at all. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "No, that's okay."
Husb: "Why not? I thought you wanted to go to Valentinos?"
Wife: "No. Let's go to Jim and Nicks. Or The Green Hills Grill."

Does this sound remotely familiar to anybody?

FAX

Disclaimers: Sorry if re-post.

Pushead2
11-14-2007, 03:23 PM
:spock:

Lzen
11-14-2007, 03:23 PM
Yes, very familiar. ROFL

Donger
11-14-2007, 03:24 PM
No, I don't think we have those restaurants here.

StcChief
11-14-2007, 03:25 PM
so much BS. can't make a decision and second guesses any other one

Sure-Oz
11-14-2007, 03:27 PM
That sounds like my gf and I, i NEVER care where we go, im not that damn picky, damn woman!

chasedude
11-14-2007, 03:27 PM
She starts doing that I drive through Mickey D's... that helps them make up their minds quickly.

MIAdragon
11-14-2007, 03:28 PM
see you lost her here

"Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?""

She doesnít want a suggestion she wants you to tell her where to eat, for YOU to make the decision. At least this is what Iíve found, they like to be told what to do.

FAX
11-14-2007, 03:30 PM
see you lost her here

"Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?""

She doesnít want a suggestion she wants you to tell her where to eat, for YOU to make the decision. At least this is what Iíve found, they like to be told what to do.

Good point. I'll remember that, Mr. MIAdragon.

FAX

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 03:31 PM
Husb: "Where Do You Want To Meet For Dinner?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Okay. Or we could go to Vallentinos."
Husb: "Uh ... okay."
Wife: "You don't want to go to Valentinos?"
Husb: "No. Valentinos is fine."
Wife: "Or, we could go to Jim and Nicks. Or the Green Hills Grill."
Husb: "Okay. Where do you want to go?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "Okay. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "Sure. But, we haven't been to Jim and Nicks in a while."
Husb: "So, you want to go to Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Isn't that where you want to go?"
Husb: "Jim and Nicks is fine."
Wife: "Well, you didn't sound too excited about Valentinos."
Husb: "No, not at all. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "No, that's okay."
Husb: "Why not? I thought you wanted to go to Valentinos?"
Wife: "No. Let's go to Jim and Nicks. Or The Green Hills Grill."

Does this sound remotely familiar to anybody?

FAX

Disclaimers: Sorry if re-post.


Where did you plant the bug in my house?


I have made progress on this front recently...

Husb: Where do you want to meet for dinner?
Wife: Oh, I don't care.
Husb: El Cheapo Taco sounds good, unless you can think of something.
Wife: Uh, I got heartburn last time we went to El Cheapo Taco. How about Valentinos instead?
Husb: Sounds good to me.

wutamess
11-14-2007, 03:31 PM
I hate it that my wife is so indecisive.
I just tell her I'm not going anywhere until SHE decides.

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 03:33 PM
On the other hand, a good wife would have dinner ready for you when you get home after a hard day at work.

Sure-Oz
11-14-2007, 03:33 PM
see you lost her here

"Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?""

She doesnít want a suggestion she wants you to tell her where to eat, for YOU to make the decision. At least this is what Iíve found, they like to be told what to do.
Extremely true, and if she doesn't want to go there or doesn't like the food and bitches, then be like "SPEAK UP NEXT TIME BIIAAATCH!" :)

KcMizzou
11-14-2007, 03:33 PM
I hate it that my wife is so indecisive.
I just tell her I'm not going anywhere until SHE decides.Heh. She's got you trained.

Rain Man
11-14-2007, 03:34 PM
My wife is pretty good about these things.

Now my mother....

I remember that stuff driving me crazy as a teenager. The family would be in a restaurant and...

(Cut to restaurant scene)

Rain Man: What do you want as an appetizer.
Rain Man's Mom: Anything is fine.
Rain Man's Sister: No. You do this all the time. What do you want?
Mom: Anything. I like it all.
Rain Man: No. Seriously. Which of the items do you most want?
Mom: Any of them is fine. Seriously.
Sister: No, you want one thing more. Tell us what it is.
Mom: You pick.
Rain Man: No, you pick.
Mom: I can't decide.
Sister. Pick now, or we're going to get mad if you complain later.
Mom: You pick. They're all fine.
Rain Man: Let me approach it another way. We've got cheese sticks, potato skins, and onion rings on the menu. We need to order one. Is there one item that you don't want more so than the others? We need to know.
Mom: No. I like them all.
Waitress: What appetizer would you like?
Sister: Last chance, mom. Is there anything that you particularly want or don't want? Anything at all.
Mom: No. You pick.
Sister: We'll go with the potato skins.
(Five minutes later, waitress brings out potato skins.)
(Munch, munch, munch.)
Mom: Those cheese sticks sounded awfully good.

Mr. Plow
11-14-2007, 03:35 PM
I just say "Either pick a place or I'm leaving you here with the kids."

Wa-Z
11-14-2007, 03:35 PM
Me: What do you wanna eat?
GF: I don't know.
Me: How about a big sausage?

Donger
11-14-2007, 03:36 PM
On the other hand, a good wife would have dinner ready for you when you get home after a hard day at work.

Absolutely. Ladies, pay attention to the following:

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

* Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

KcMizzou
11-14-2007, 03:38 PM
What's that from, a 1953 issue of Redbook?

FAX
11-14-2007, 03:39 PM
My wife is pretty good about these things.

Now my mother....

I remember that stuff driving me crazy as a teenager. The family would be in a restaurant and...

(Cut to restaurant scene)

Rain Man: What do you want as an appetizer.
Rain Man's Mom: Anything is fine.
Rain Man's Sister: No. You do this all the time. What do you want?
Mom: Anything. I like it all.
Rain Man: No. Seriously. Which of the items do you most want?
Mom: Any of them is fine. Seriously.
Sister: No, you want one thing more. Tell us what it is.
Mom: You pick.
Rain Man: No, you pick.
Mom: I can't decide.
Sister. Pick now, or we're going to get mad if you complain later.
Mom: You pick. They're all fine.
Rain Man: Let me approach it another way. We've got cheese sticks, potato skins, and onion rings on the menu. We need to order one. Is there one item that you don't want more so than the others? We need to know.
Mom: No. I like them all.
Waitress: What appetizer would you like?
Sister: Last chance, mom. Is there anything that you particularly want or don't want? Anything at all.
Mom: No. You pick.
Sister: We'll go with the potato skins.
(Five minutes later, waitress brings out potato skins.)
(Munch, munch, munch.)
Mom: Those cheese sticks sounded awfully good.

ROFL

Been there, too. Potato skins with a heapin' helpin' of anxiety.

FAX

BucEyedPea
11-14-2007, 03:42 PM
Never went through anything like that ever.

Duck Dog
11-14-2007, 03:42 PM
That conversation is the exact opposite for my wife and I. She is always asking what I want to eat or where I want to eat when she knows she is going to turn down everyone of my suggestions.

wutamess
11-14-2007, 03:43 PM
Me: What do you wanna eat?
GF: I don't know.
Me: How about a big sausage?

When my wife asks me that ?
I always tell her p*ssy.

She no longer asks me as often.

RJ
11-14-2007, 03:44 PM
Shockingly familiar.

Mr. Plow
11-14-2007, 03:45 PM
Give her some tubesteak.

chasedude
11-14-2007, 03:45 PM
* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.



A little gay?

Wife: I brought one of my sexy GF over for a threesome
Husband: Wow baby, you just lifted my day!

Donger
11-14-2007, 03:45 PM
What's that from, a 1953 issue of Redbook?

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

seclark
11-14-2007, 03:46 PM
Husb: "Where Do You Want To Meet For Dinner?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "How about Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Okay. Or we could go to Vallentinos."
Husb: "Uh ... okay."
Wife: "You don't want to go to Valentinos?"
Husb: "No. Valentinos is fine."
Wife: "Or, we could go to Jim and Nicks. Or the Green Hills Grill."
Husb: "Okay. Where do you want to go?"
Wife: "I don't care."
Husb: "Okay. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "Sure. But, we haven't been to Jim and Nicks in a while."
Husb: "So, you want to go to Jim and Nicks?"
Wife: "Isn't that where you want to go?"
Husb: "Jim and Nicks is fine."
Wife: "Well, you didn't sound too excited about Valentinos."
Husb: "No, not at all. Let's go to Valentinos."
Wife: "No, that's okay."
Husb: "Why not? I thought you wanted to go to Valentinos?"
Wife: "No. Let's go to Jim and Nicks. Or The Green Hills Grill."

Does this sound remotely familiar to anybody?

FAX

Disclaimers: Sorry if re-post.

yep...go thru the same thing. when she does finally decide, and we get there, she says:
"all i want is a salad."
wtf?
sec

Donger
11-14-2007, 03:49 PM
The scary thing is that my daughter is already displaying some shockingly bad decision-making ability. One of her favorite words is, "Yesno."

Wife: Victoria, would you like chicken for dinner?
Vic: Yesno.
Wife: WTF does that mean?
Vic: Ummmm, yes. Wait, no. Yes.
Wife: Victoria, this is ridiculous. You need to make a decision.
Vic: Can I have PBJ instead?
Wife: Sure, whatever.
Vic: Okay, thanks Mommy. But can I have chicken too?

That's usually when the catfight begins in earnest.

Gonzo
11-14-2007, 04:03 PM
Me: What do you wanna eat?
GF: I don't know.
Me: How about a big sausage?

Whatever... it actually goes:

Wa-Z: What do you wanna eat?
GF: I don't know.
Wa-Z: How about a big sausage?
GF: Why, is your brother or dad coming over?

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 04:05 PM
A little gay?

Wife: I brought one of my sexy GF over for a threesome
Husband: Wow baby, you just lifted my day!
ROFL

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 04:17 PM
There must be a gene in females that causes this crap to go on. This was my monday night with a girl I used to date and am now sort of seeing again.

Keep in mind that she asked me to bring over Saw 3...

Me: So should I put the movie in?
Her: I'm not sure I want to watch it. I get really scared during movies like this.
Me: That's fine. Let's just watch something else then. What do you want to see?
Her: How about Blood Diamond? Have you seen that?
Me: Nope, sure haven't. Heard it's good. Let's watch that
Her: Okay. Well actually, why don't you put in Saw 3. I think I'll be fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: No let's just watch Blood Diamond.

After this she gets up and puts in Saw 3.

Me: Why did you put that in?
Her: Well you want to watch Saw 3, so let's just watch it.
Me: I told you I didn't care, but whatever.

5 minutes later her face was buried in the pillow and we were watching Blood Diamond
:banghead:

MIAdragon
11-14-2007, 04:18 PM
Whatever... it actually goes:

Wa-Z: What do you wanna eat?
GF: I don't know.
Wa-Z: How about a big sausage?
GF: Why, is your brother or dad coming over?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f5/Vienna_sausage_tasty.JPG/180px-Vienna_sausage_tasty.JPG

ROFL

Sure-Oz
11-14-2007, 04:18 PM
There must be a gene in females that causes this crap to go on. This was my monday night with a girl I used to date and am now sort of seeing again.

Keep in mind that she asked me to bring over Saw 3...

Me: So should I put the movie in?
Her: I'm not sure I want to watch it. I get really scared during movies like this.
Me: That's fine. Let's just watch something else then. What do you want to see?
Her: How about Blood Diamond? Have you seen that?
Me: Nope, sure haven't. Heard it's good. Let's watch that
Her: Okay. Well actually, why don't you put in Saw 3. I think I'll be fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: No let's just watch Blood Diamond.

After this she gets up and puts in Saw 3.

Me: Why did you put that in?
Her: Well you want to watch Saw 3, so let's just watch it.
Me: I told you I didn't care, but whatever.

5 minutes later her face was buried in the pillow and we were watching Blood Diamond
:banghead:
It's so hard for them to comprehend the obvious.

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 04:21 PM
My wife is pretty good about these things.

Now my mother....

I remember that stuff driving me crazy as a teenager. The family would be in a restaurant and...

(Cut to restaurant scene)

Rain Man: What do you want as an appetizer.
Rain Man's Mom: Anything is fine.
Rain Man's Sister: No. You do this all the time. What do you want?
Mom: Anything. I like it all.
Rain Man: No. Seriously. Which of the items do you most want?
Mom: Any of them is fine. Seriously.
Sister: No, you want one thing more. Tell us what it is.
Mom: You pick.
Rain Man: No, you pick.
Mom: I can't decide.
Sister. Pick now, or we're going to get mad if you complain later.
Mom: You pick. They're all fine.
Rain Man: Let me approach it another way. We've got cheese sticks, potato skins, and onion rings on the menu. We need to order one. Is there one item that you don't want more so than the others? We need to know.
Mom: No. I like them all.
Waitress: What appetizer would you like?
Sister: Last chance, mom. Is there anything that you particularly want or don't want? Anything at all.
Mom: No. You pick.
Sister: We'll go with the potato skins.
(Five minutes later, waitress brings out potato skins.)
(Munch, munch, munch.)
Mom: Those cheese sticks sounded awfully good.



Sampler platter.

Sure-Oz
11-14-2007, 04:21 PM
Sampler platter.
I just get buffalo wings, my gf hates those when she can't decide an appetizer. :evil:

tooge
11-14-2007, 04:21 PM
There must be a gene in females that causes this crap to go on. This was my monday night with a girl I used to date and am now sort of seeing again.

Keep in mind that she asked me to bring over Saw 3...

Me: So should I put the movie in?
Her: I'm not sure I want to watch it. I get really scared during movies like this.
Me: That's fine. Let's just watch something else then. What do you want to see?
Her: How about Blood Diamond? Have you seen that?
Me: Nope, sure haven't. Heard it's good. Let's watch that
Her: Okay. Well actually, why don't you put in Saw 3. I think I'll be fine.
Me: Are you sure?
Her: No let's just watch Blood Diamond.

After this she gets up and puts in Saw 3.

Me: Why did you put that in?
Her: Well you want to watch Saw 3, so let's just watch it.
Me: I told you I didn't care, but whatever.

5 minutes later her face was buried in the pillow and we were watching Blood Diamond
:banghead:
"Look hun, I really could give a rats ass what we watch. I am simply over here for a good lay. So you watch whatever the hell you want and when it is over we get busy. Capiche? (sp)
now that is how you handle it if you are not married.

Mr. Plow
11-14-2007, 04:23 PM
5 minutes later her face was buried in the pillow and we were watching Blood Diamond
:banghead:

Since she wasn't watching the movie, you should have let her have the tubesteak.

RockChalk
11-14-2007, 04:50 PM
Since she wasn't watching the movie, you should have let her have the tubesteak.

That typically is done but I pissed her off about 3 minutes into the movie (Saw) when I scared the sh*t out of her after she explicitly told me not to do so :)

Stewie
11-14-2007, 04:56 PM
She doesn't complain about where we eat because I always carry the tray... and have coupons...

barry_smilez20
11-14-2007, 05:03 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f5/Vienna_sausage_tasty.JPG/180px-Vienna_sausage_tasty.JPG

ROFL
ROFL

Bump
11-14-2007, 05:19 PM
One of my ex's was crazy when it came to going out. She would recommend a place that she just loved and I would go for it and if I didn't jump for joy with excitement and rave about how great it is she would get all depressed because she thought I hated this place she really liked. It was ridiculous and I can't believe I put up with it for a while.

Demonpenz
11-14-2007, 05:28 PM
Well atleast she doesn't pick out the big pieces of peanut butter out of the ice cream. IF I WANTED VANILLA I WOULD HAVE PICKED UP VANILLA....COW!

jAZ
11-14-2007, 05:39 PM
Where did you plant the bug in my house?


I have made progress on this front recently...

Husb: Where do you want to meet for dinner?
Wife: Oh, I don't care.
Husb: El Cheapo Taco sounds good, unless you can think of something.
Wife: Uh, I got heartburn last time we went to El Cheapo Taco. How about Valentinos instead?
Husb: Sounds good to me.
I usually give 2-3 options rather than 1. But that idea works most every time.

siberian khatru
11-14-2007, 06:34 PM
Does this sound remotely familiar to anybody?




Yes, it sounds exactly like your wife -- when we're talking about having sex.

FAX
11-14-2007, 06:36 PM
Yes, it sounds exactly like your wife -- when we're talking about having sex.

Very funny, Mr. siberian khatru. But, I know you're fibbing because those conversations are far more confusing.

FAX

CoMoChief
11-14-2007, 06:45 PM
Sounds like you need to slap some sense into your wife.

BucEyedPea
11-14-2007, 06:51 PM
There must be a gene in females that causes this crap to go on. This was my monday night with a girl I used to date and am now sort of seeing again.
If ya' want a female perspective on this type of situation, this scene seems to show she was aimin' to please you once she thought about her own choice afterwards. I can see it in her mind. "Blood Diamond." [Inside her head: Oh! Well, maybe he really wants to watch "Saw" more?] That's what I say her hestation was...basic consideration.

Now once, a girl knows the guy well enough or is married it may be a different story. I'm like the above girl, but not at all in the latter type situation when I more comfortable being myself. Then I know what I to see, where I want to eat and what. Occasionally, I'm ambivalent.

BucEyedPea
11-14-2007, 07:04 PM
Absolutely. Ladies, pay attention to the following:

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

* Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.


I just hope you can afford all this.

This comes with the following price:

Protect her from the Rat-Race by fully supporting her along with generous weekly cash allowance for her as well as runnng the home and raising the kids. Fur coats, jewelry with real gems, exotic trips, cruises, wardrobe from the best boutiques and department stores, hefty insurance policy ( in case you croak and when you croak since she had no career to take care of herself and too much time as passed), a nice car, monthly trips to the spa for the works, manicures, pedicures and a personal trainer.

That's all. However, I do reserve the right to add to the list if I think of more.

As to trnobrd's request of a meal on the table....I can agree with that. That's something I think a woman should be able to do, unless tired from working on occasion.

Demonpenz
11-14-2007, 07:29 PM
that was from snopes but i thought the girls are supposed to get get martin's for me

stevieray
11-14-2007, 07:31 PM
My wife tries to coerce me me into something she also likes so "we" can split "our" meals half/half.

Count Alex's Losses
11-14-2007, 07:44 PM
Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin somethin' stupid on TV
I'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me

She says "Is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?"
And I say "I don't know.
Say, it's gettin' late...watcha wanna do for dinner?

She says "I kinda had a big lunch.
So I'm not super hungry."
I said "Well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either
But I could eat."

She said "So whadya have in mind?"
I said "I don't know what about you?"
She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat."
I said "That's what we're gonna do!"

"But first you gotta tell me
What it is you're hungry for!"
And she says "Let me think...
...What's left in our refridgerator?"

I said "Well, there's tuna, I know."
She said "That went bad a week ago!"
I said "Is the chili OK?"
She said "You finished that yesterday!"

I hopped up and I said
"I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?"
She's like "Why would I want to eat liver?
I don't even like liver!"

I'm like "No, I said 'delivered'."
She's like "I heard you say liver!"
I'm like "I should know what I said..."
She's like "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!"

Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be callin' me?
Well I checked my caller ID

It was just cousin Larry
Callin' for the third time today...
My wife said "Let it go to voicemail."
I said, "OK."

"Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d'ya want to do?"
She said "Why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?"
"Yeah," I said, "Why don't you?"

And then she said "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
I says "No"
She says "Yes"
I says "No"
She says "Yes"
I says "No"
She says "Yes...
...Oh, here's your keys"

I step a little bit closer
Say "OK, where ya want to go?"
She says "How about The Ivy?"
I said "Yeah, well I don't know..."

I don't feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin' expensive food
She's says "Olive Garden?"
I say "Nah, I'm not in the mood...

...And Burrito King would make me gassy
There's no doubt"
She says "Just forget about it"
I said "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!"

Then I get an idea
I says "I know what we'll do!"
She says "What?"
I say "Guess"
She says "What?"
I say "We're goin' to the drive-thru!"

So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
Then I open the car doors
And we get in those car doors

Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
Then we fasten our seat belts
As we pull out the driveway

Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru
We're approaching the drive-thru
Getting close to the drive-thru!

Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we're here at the drive thru
Here in line at the drive-thru
Did I mention the drive-thru?

Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her.
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us.
All just waiting to order

There's some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me
I lean out the window and scream
"Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?"

My wife says "Maybe we should park...
...We could just go eat inside."
I said "I'm wearin' bunny slippers
So I ain't leavin' this ride..."

Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?"
I said "Yes indeed, you certainly can
We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese."

Then my wife says
"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!
I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead, this time"

I said "You always get a cheeseburger!"
She says "That's not what I'm hungry for."
I put my head in my hands and screamed,
"I don't know who you are anymore!"

The voice on the speaker says
"I don't have all day!"
I said "Then, take our order,
And we'll be on our way!

I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too
She's like "You want onions on that?"
I'm like "Yeah, I already said that I do...

...Plus we need curly fries
And don't you dare forget it!
And two medium root beers
No, just one, we'll split it."

Then I said "I'm guessin' that
You're probably not too bright...
So read me back my order
Let's make sure you got it right."

She says "One, you want a chicken sandwich.
Two, you want a cheeseburger
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer"
"Stop, don't go no further!"

"I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!"
Then she says "We're havin' a special,
I supersized you at no charge."

"Oh." And that's all
I could say, was "Oh."
And she says "Now there is somethin' else
That I really think you should know.

You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more..."
I say "Great, except we're in the drive thru...
So what would I want that for?"

Then she says "Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar...hey, is this Paul?
And my wife is all like "No, that ain't Paul,
Now tell me, who's this Paul?

She says "Oh, he's just some guy
Who goes to school with me.
I sat behind him last year
And I copied off him in Geometry.

I said "I know a guy named Paul.
He used to be my plumber
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer.

He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe."
And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there,
That's way more than I needed to know!"

And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense
Then she says "Next window please,
That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents."

So we inched ahead in line
Movin' painfully slow
I got a little bored
So I turned on the radio...

[Song plays]

[Click] Turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache
So we both just sat there quietly
For her sake.

Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me
And I said "Um,
I think you have somethin' in your teeth."

She turned away from me
And then turned back and said "Did I get it?"
I said "Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it...
But hey, ya know, don't sweat it."

Then she said "How about now?"
I said "Yeah, almost.
There's still a little bit there
But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast."

Now we're at the pay window
Or whatever you call it
Put my hand in my pocket
I can't believe there's no wallet!

And the lady at the window's like,
"Well, well that'll be five eighty two."
I turn around to my wife, and say
"How much have you got on you?"

She just rolls her eyes and says
"I'll pay for this, I guess."
So she reaches into her purse
And pulls out the American Express

I hand it to the lady
And she says "Oh, dear.
It's gotta be cash only
We don't take credit cards here."

I took back the card and said
"Gee, really? Well that sucks."
And that's when I found out
My wife was only carryin' three bucks.

I said "I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today"
She says "I never got around to it
So where's your wallet anyway?

And I said "Nevermind,
Just help me to find some change..."
Now the lady at the window
Is lookin at me kinda strange...

And she says "Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along"
I said "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady,
We won't be long."

We looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet
I found a nickel in the ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space betweent he seats

Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
The lady counts it up and says
"You're still about a dollar short"

And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face
She screams, "you know
I wasn't even really hungry in the first place"

And so I turned around
To the cashier again
I shrugged and said "OK
Forget the chicken sandwich then"

So I pick up my change
Pick up my reciept
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can't wait to eat

And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
Wearin' a dorky nametag that says
"Hello, my name is Eugene."

And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
And I say to him "Hey, Eugene,
Can I get some ketchup for my fries?"

Well he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him

And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he says "I'm sorry
What did you want again?"

I say "Ketchup!"
And he says "Oh yeah, that's right...
...I just spaced out there for a second
I'm really kind of burnt tonight."

And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we're finally drivin' away
And the food is drivin' me mad
With its intoxicating bouquet

I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
I say "Baby, gimme that burger,
I just gotta have a bite!"

So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger

And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
And I just can't believe it
They forgot the onions!

trndobrd
11-14-2007, 09:17 PM
I just hope you can afford all this.

This comes with the following price:

Protect her from the Rat-Race by fully supporting her along with generous weekly cash allowance for her as well as runnng the home and raising the kids. Fur coats, jewelry with real gems, exotic trips, cruises, wardrobe from the best boutiques and department stores, hefty insurance policy ( in case you croak and when you croak since she had no career to take care of herself and too much time as passed), a nice car, monthly trips to the spa for the works, manicures, pedicures and a personal trainer.

That's all. However, I do reserve the right to add to the list if I think of more.

As to trnobrd's request of a meal on the table....I can agree with that. That's something I think a woman should be able to do, unless tired from working on occasion.


Whoa, whoa, whoa....men are talking here, sweetheart. Why don't you bake a pie, press some flowers or other woman stuff.



FYI-husbands send their wife to the spa so they don't have to worry about getting caught, but if once a month is OK with you...