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SPchief
11-23-2007, 10:53 PM
LMAO

http://www.kansascity.com/sports/columnists/jason_whitlock/story/374568.html


Just like the combatants in tonight’s Armageddon at Arrowhead, Kansas Citians need a scouting report/tip sheet on all the Missouri and Kansas football fans who have descended on our great city.

Seriously, if we’re going to survive this historic football clash, we need to know who we’re dealing with and what to expect.

Take, for instance, you get seated next to a Tiger fan hailing from St. Louis. You’re in for a very long night. St. Louis people know nothing about football. Why do you think Dick Vermeil won a Super Bowl in St. Louis, promptly quit and immediately moved to Kansas City to work in an environment where he could be understood and appreciated?

Seriously, most St. Louisans glean their limited football knowledge from digesting the ramblings of Post-Dispatch columnists Bryan Burwell and Bernie Miklasz, two scribes fondly referred to as Dumb and Dumber by football coaches. Personally, I like and enjoy Bernie and Bryan’s work … during baseball season. (For the record, I call ’em Salt and Peppa and consider them friends.)

My point is, don’t be surprised if a Mizzou fan from St. Louis tries to engage you in a debate about Jeremy Maclin’s range vs. Ozzie Smith’s or constantly asks you, “When’s the seventh-inning stretch?”

Plus, St. Louis is a bandwagon town. The only reason we’re dealing with the stench of St. Louis this weekend is because in the season opener the Tigers mopped up the Fighting Illini in a “border war” contest that was largely ignored by the national media because of location.

There’s no need to waste any more space on St. Louis. We’ve been putting St. Louis in its place since 1985. Nope. You need some insight and information on our other visitors.

•Topeka: Police have set up a special hotline number — 816-555-HELP — for Kansas City residents who can’t get Topeka visitors to return home. Topeka guests are harder to get rid of than a well-fed stray cat. My god, are things really that boring and stale in Topeka? As an enticement to go home, I’ve talked Star editors into running a front-page story in Sunday’s paper announcing a special Monday afternoon monster-truck race in Topeka.

•Salina: I know it’s going to be cold tonight, but I wouldn’t wear wool. Someone from Salina could mistake you for a sheep, and things could get very, very ugly. I darn near checked into a Super 8 this weekend just so I could watch Salina folks massacre the free continental breakfast.

•Springfield: Quite possibly the friendliest and most-easy-to-deal-with fans visiting over the weekend. As of late Friday evening, Highway Patrol reported few accidents as Springfield residents caravanned up U.S. 71 North in the longest motorcade of doublewide homes since the closing of I-70 Speedway for the race season. Area grocery stores prepared for the influx of Springfield-area Missouri fans by triple-stocking shelves with Hamburger Helper.

•Columbia: Look, I’m not saying people in Columbia like to drink, but fast-food joints along I-70 are serving Long Island iced teas from their drive-through windows all day today. If you see a car with Boone County plates, hit your brakes and proceed with extreme caution.

•Wichita: Another bandwagon town. If you see a Kansas fan wearing purple, it’s probably someone from Wichita. The city has had a major identity crisis ever since the original White Castle closed shop in 1938. The town’s claim to fame since then has been that Kirstie Alley learned to overeat there.

•St. Joe: Take-your-daddy-to-work day at area gentlemen’s clubs is likely to cut the St. Joe contingent in half.

•Cape Girardeau: The FDA advises that you not tailgate with these fans, especially if deer, squirrel, skunk or pheasant is on the menu. Roadkill is considered a delicacy in the Bootheel.

•Manhattan: Their lone purpose to come to the game is to start trouble. They’re so insanely jealous that they’ll come in droves, pretending they’re not jealous of the success obtained and attention focused on Kansas. But their conversation all afternoon will center on the fact that Michael Bishop was better than Reesing and Daniel, and that the ’98 K-State team would slaughter this year’s KU and MU squads.

•Lawrence: Honestly, most of these people will show up hoping ESPN/ABC will give them a forum to vent nationally about Lew Perkins’ seating policy at Allen Fieldhouse and decision to play this game at Arrowhead. People in Lawrence are opposed to change and haven’t been happy since Wilt Chamberlain’s last on-campus panty raid

Braincase
11-23-2007, 11:02 PM
Not funny.

Easy 6
11-23-2007, 11:02 PM
Wow, i cant believe how serious this Border War shizz is...its not only completely dominating this BB, but its all over the news, the cover of this weeks SI...everywhere.

I honestly cant recall a Chiefs topic getting this much attention here.

Fruit Ninja
11-23-2007, 11:03 PM
Wow, i cant believe how serious this Border War shizz is...its not only completely dominating this BB, but its all over the news, the cover of this weeks SI...everywhere.

I honestly cant recall a Chiefs topic getting this much attention here.
Becuase everyone knows no matter what, the Chiefs just wont get it done.

Count Alex's Losses
11-23-2007, 11:16 PM
Creative and refreshing column from Whitlock. Funny.

OnTheWarpath58
11-23-2007, 11:20 PM
There you go, Jason. Knock every possible group you can that is bringing money into the city this weekend.

Go choke on a beef rib, fuqtard.

Count Alex's Losses
11-23-2007, 11:24 PM
There you go, Jason. Knock every possible group you can that is bringing money into the city this weekend.

Go choke on a beef rib, fuqtard.

Stop being a pussy. Sports journalism is fun and games. To treat it as anything else lowers you to the level of Rufus Dawes and his ilk at KcChiefs.com.

DaFace
11-23-2007, 11:26 PM
Heh...I thought it was funny.

Deberg_1990
11-23-2007, 11:29 PM
There you go, Jason. Knock every possible group you can that is bringing money into the city this weekend.

Go choke on a beef rib, fuqtard.

Jesus, chill out.

Some of you guys take JWhit far too seriously.

Hes clearly having some good natured fun.

blueballs
11-23-2007, 11:36 PM
Poor old Kansans don't have fences to trap a sheep in
they have to settle for priarie dog holes

Skip Towne
11-23-2007, 11:38 PM
Wow, i cant believe how serious this Border War shizz is...its not only completely dominating this BB, but its all over the news, the cover of this weeks SI...everywhere.

I honestly cant recall a Chiefs topic getting this much attention here.
There was that one time in 1969.

Jayhawkerman2001
11-24-2007, 12:00 AM
what he said about manhattan is clearly 100% correct and it makes me laugh hysterically!!! Also, living in Columbia and having to deal with those douche bags constantly, his comments are correct there also.

This is going to be the game of the century, not only for kansas city, but for all of college football!! May the best team win and represent the north well in the bigXII championship game and most likely the national championship game.

|Zach|
11-24-2007, 12:03 AM
I laughed out loud.

BigMeatballDave
11-24-2007, 06:27 AM
•Manhattan: Their lone purpose to come to the game is to start trouble. They’re so insanely jealous that they’ll come in droves, pretending they’re not jealous of the success obtained and attention focused on Kansas. But their conversation all afternoon will center on the fact that Michael Bishop was better than Reesing and Daniel, and that the ’98 K-State team would slaughter this year’s KU and MU squads.

This cracked me up a bit. I was just wondering how this season's KU and MU teams stack up to that KSU team.

ChiefsFan4Life
11-24-2007, 07:33 AM
That was hilarious ... he should have added that all categories will probably get overly offended at a humorous article because they want everyone to like them.

Nice article jwhit.

kstater
11-24-2007, 07:39 AM
This cracked me up a bit. I was just wondering how this season's KU and MU teams stack up to that KSU team.

That's a good question. Clearly that team was inferior since they couldn't beat A&M in triple overtime, and only played in the Alamo bowl. And with everything on the line couldn't get it done in the bowl game.

KChiefs1
11-24-2007, 08:05 AM
is he trying to offend as many people as he possibly can?

NUMBER7
11-24-2007, 08:17 AM
is he trying to offend as many people as he possibly can?

JW with the smack against the fans...the man never quits making enemies.

Guru
11-24-2007, 08:23 AM
Yes Jason, Topuka is THAT stale.

|Zach|
11-24-2007, 11:18 AM
is he trying to offend as many people as he possibly can?


JW with the smack against the fans...the man never quits making enemies.

Eh, I think when you look at this column and then the one the day before about letting the players decide this not the fans it is pretty clear what he is doing.

It is a funny piece.

It is meant to add some humor into a situation that by some people...prob even myself is being taken a bit seriously.

Pablo
11-24-2007, 11:27 AM
We have two strip clubs in St. Joe and they both suck. Nobody goes to them.

He could have at least made a joke about how poor our economy is since almost every single major company located here has shut down in the past 10 years and folks from around here just can't afford tickets. Now that would have been funny.

gblowfish
11-24-2007, 11:38 AM
He predicted the game to end in a tie. Ergo, a gutless wonder.
No guts no glory.

|Zach|
11-24-2007, 11:41 AM
He predicted the game to end in a tie. Ergo, a gutless wonder.
No guts no glory.
Stirs the pot too much...

Doesn't make a prediction and is a gutless wonder.

There is literally no pleasing Chiefs Planet.

ROFL

Thig Lyfe
11-24-2007, 11:45 AM
There was that one time in 1969.

Internet was around back then?

cdcox
11-24-2007, 12:01 PM
If you got offended over this, you take yourself way too seriously.

NUMBER7
11-24-2007, 12:05 PM
Eh, I think when you look at this column and then the one the day before about letting the players decide this not the fans it is pretty clear what he is doing.

It is a funny piece.

It is meant to add some humor into a situation that by some people...prob even myself is being taken a bit seriously.

Could be? However this is JW's MO...he prides himself on being controversial...I seem to remember a gay comment at a NFL game in Indy. IMO at times like many he lacks judgement...most times I take his drivel as blatherings of nonsense...much like I do with many of the writers of the KC fish wrap.

|Zach|
11-24-2007, 12:09 PM
Could be? However this is JW's MO...he prides himself on being controversial...I seem to remember a gay comment at a NFL game in Indy. IMO at times like many he lacks judgement...most times I take his drivel as blatherings of nonsense...much like I do with many of the writers of the KC fish wrap.
The drama.

FAX
11-24-2007, 12:15 PM
It's unfortunate that a man with Whitlock's talent feels compelled to write so poorly. He squeezes out these articles like turds after dinner at Fiber King. Forced.

A little more thought and this could have been a nice piece.

FAX

Extra Point
11-24-2007, 12:15 PM
Whitlock would feel right at home in the morning while spending a few nights at a Salina Super 8.

Only he could make a little round table turn into trough.

NUMBER7
11-24-2007, 12:16 PM
It's unfortunate that a man with Whitlock's talent feels compelled to write so poorly. He squeezes out these articles like turds after dinner at Fiber King. Forced.

A little more thought and this could have been a nice piece.

FAX

Exactly..."squeezes out these articles like turds." ROFLROFL

Demonpenz
11-24-2007, 12:35 PM
st louis duechebags collars just popped 2 inches further

CoMoChief
11-24-2007, 12:39 PM
Very true about STL fans. They dont know shit about football. Nothing worse than talking football with a Rams fan.

Otter
11-24-2007, 02:27 PM
Wow, i cant believe how serious this Border War shizz is...its not only completely dominating this BB, but its all over the news, the cover of this weeks SI...everywhere.

I honestly cant recall a Chiefs topic getting this much attention here.

Small market town is an excuse only when it's convenient.

ROYC75
11-24-2007, 02:35 PM
Jason stirring the pot .......

StcChief
11-24-2007, 03:58 PM
Very true about STL fans. They dont know shit about football. Nothing worse than talking football with a Rams fan.
yeah. those roaches have reappeared from under the woodwork after two wins in row :)

Easy 6
11-24-2007, 08:20 PM
JW with the smack against the fans...the man never quits making enemies.

I DEFINITELY!!! dont always agree with him, but i like Jason for the same reasons i like Chris Rock...he takes shots at EVERYBODY & pulls no punches when he does it.

milkman
11-24-2007, 10:02 PM
I have to say that I am terribly unoffended by this.

Valiant
11-24-2007, 10:25 PM
amazing