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KS Smitty
07-20-2001, 10:05 PM
:) :( :D ;) :cool: :p :o :rolleyes: :confused:

keg in kc
07-20-2001, 10:16 PM
Yes! I'm quite happy to report. :D

I've done a buncha writing these last two weeks as well as worked-out 3-5 hours per day (I've lost about 5 pounds and counting!!).

Sometimes when you see me on here, it's because I've forgotten to turn off IE (I do my writing in a notebook and/or on my laptop, not on this machine).

I have slipped a little on here, I guess, but I'm happy with the amount of work I'm doing, so I'll let it slide as long as it doesn't keep me from getting work done - I'm generally on here while eating or immediately after working out, because I keep track of everything I eat and all my excercise on a program called "Vivonic Fitness Planner."

I'll have to be careful during training camp though, when there's actually news... :(

Gracie Dean
07-20-2001, 10:19 PM
what are you writing?


Can you give us a teaser?

KS Smitty
07-20-2001, 10:21 PM
Good deal! I was just razzin ya a little. You had said that the BBs were your downfall. Keep up the good work, if your "work" writing is a s good as your posts you'll do fine. And keep up the workouts too, your health is one thing you can have a lot of control over.
Smitty

keg in kc
07-20-2001, 10:35 PM
This is a bit that I wrote a few months ago that I'm not using in the book (might use it in another work but I doubt it, which is why I have no problem sharing it here). Keep in mind that this is a first draft, completely unedited, but it's pretty indicative of my style, such as it is... It's science fiction, or maybe future fantasy would be more apt, because I'm less interested in hard science fiction (technologically centered) than I am in character and story development. Okay, here it is:



A gentle rain falls soft and slow upon the arid plain, each drop ending in a plume of dust from the rust-hued loam. I have been standing here for some time, securely cloaked in a blanket of solitude, shrouded in silence save for the peal of raindrops against the crystal walls and ceiling which shelter me. I come here often; this is my haven, my sanctuary, if you will. The one place in all the world where I can escape the others. Forget who and what they are. Forget, if only for a moment, what I am.

The dark claw of night begins to unclench in the sky above me, its tendrils creeping slowly and steadily over the dome toward the lone remaining vestige of sunlight along the far horizon. The earth, now rain-slicked, takes on an eerie tint in the receding light, and it sends a chill through me. A shudder I cannot suppress. I tell myself itís an illusion, a trick of light and shadow, butÖ

I swallow hard, past the lump growing in my throat, and steady myself against the glass with my right hand. The left catches my forehead as it weakly falls and then a moment later its fingers begin to massage my suddenly stinging eyes. Inhaling deeply, I take my hand off the wall and raise my head, eyes still closed. An eternity of seconds pass before I find the strength to exhale slowly and open them again to the grisly spectacle.

The desert below has turned into an ocean of blood.

With each passing moment the day grows darker and the vision more real. I lose myself in it, seeing my destiny, seeing the price I know I must pay for the things Iíve done. Itís like a window overlooking my own damnation. My hell, manifest. The hell Iíve earned. The hell Iíve built with my own two bloodstained hands. Iím standing on an isle of bones deep in a churning sea of crimson. Specters rise from the pools and eddies, faces twisted in agony and rage with eyes that bore deeply into me. I recognize them, every one. Finally the shade is enough that my own reflection appears in the glass before me, and the illusion is complete. Like a grim doppelganger, he stares at me from amid the boiling sea, as tormented as the souls writhing around him. A tear falls from his cheek.

For the second time I close my eyes and breathe deeply, but to my relief, when I open them again the night has come and the hell of just a moment past lies hidden under its dark cloak. The ghosts fade away as I look to the sky and see the first stars of night begin to show through thin and broken clouds. They seem strangely sad, these stars, as they hold their silent, eternal vigil high above.

I stay a while longer, in my refuge, and listen to the gentle timbre of the still-falling rain. It comforts me, insofar as I can find comfort, and helps keep silent the memories that will haunt me to my grave. My mind, my soul, is bloodstained, too, and no amount of darkness hides that truth.

Finally I leave.

And the rain still falls, like tears from the stars, brothers to the tears falling from my own eyes.

Gracie Dean
07-20-2001, 10:46 PM
Wow, you are good. I expect an autographed copy when you hit the NY times best seller list or the Oprah club. :cool:

California Injun
07-21-2001, 12:01 AM
Kyle,

How about: "I am feeling remorseful about my past and watching the rain fall around me is causing me to release these tears I was unable to express when the events were actually unfolding?"

You have a helluva vocabulary to describe this man's torment but I got lost in all the numerous descriptions.

Have you sold the screenplay yet? I'd watch the movie.:D

keg in kc
07-21-2001, 12:23 AM
Thanks, Pam, that was nice to hear.

Injun, I'd agree completely; my first move if I was going to use that passage would probably be to edit it down a few words. It's awfully...err, wordy, for lack of a better...uhm, word. ;) I constantly work to try to keep my ideas crisp and consise, but I'm so visually-oriented (I think of my writing as word-painting) that it's difficult for me. The images in my mind are so detailed that sometimes I just put too much on the page. I'll probably always struggle with that...

It's not a bad passage; it's not my best writing nor is it my worst (and man have I written some bad stuff...). I've always been tentative to post anything like that, but I suppose it can't hurt to do it once...

Rausch
07-21-2001, 02:09 AM
If it goes on the Oprah club we'll have no choice but ask you to leave....:D




Sorry, religon, polotics, whatever.....but no oprah....:mad:

keg in kc
07-21-2001, 02:18 AM
I hear that, Brad.

I didn't want to say it, since I'd assume Pam meant is as a compliment, but I don't think Oprah is where I want to be headed. ;)

Although, if the money's good...

(does that make me a money-grubbin' ho?)

Rausch
07-21-2001, 02:21 AM
Keg,


no....



It would mean that your book is being pushed by one.....:D

Rausch
07-21-2001, 02:21 AM
Ps...



are all us writers insomniacs too?....:rolleyes:

keg in kc
07-21-2001, 02:35 AM
Seems so...

I had it licked for a while, but I just can't seem to keep myself on the daylight hours.

Have to change that though, I'm due to start jogging on Tuesday, and the only time it's below 90 degrees here right now is early in the morning...

Skip Towne
07-21-2001, 07:28 AM
Hey - Keg - How about verbose. Would that work for wordy?

KS Smitty
07-21-2001, 02:55 PM
keg:
The work you posted made me think of Roland the Gunslinger in the Dark Tower series by Stephen King (although Roland wouldn't admit to emotions). King too, IMO, is a bit wordy (verbose) at times but he is also one of my favorite authors. And sometimes all those words are needed. I can think of storylines but locations and details escape me, therefor I don't even attempt fiction. Thanks for the look see.

keg in kc
07-21-2001, 02:55 PM
Yes Skip, I think "verbose" would do.

I tend to think of it as "Diarrhea of the Pen". ;)

keg in kc
07-21-2001, 02:59 PM
Believe it or not, Smitty, I've never read any Stephen King except for his book On Writing. I haven't read any of his fiction, although I keep saying I'm going to buy and read The Stand but I never seem to get to it. I always forget to get it when I go to the bookstore...

KS Smitty
07-21-2001, 03:07 PM
You're not the first person to tell me that. I read ALOT and a few of his books actually had me tensed up waiting......I don't have that with very many authors, usually I can figure out the who what and where but King always has an extra surprise. I really enjoyed The Shining and Cujo. The Stand was good too, actually I can't think of any that I didn't like, once I got into them. There were a couple that I would start and it took soooo long for the background etc that I'd put it down for awhile then when I picked it back up I couldn't put it down til it was done. Anyway the King comparison was meant as a compliment.:D

KS Smitty
07-21-2001, 03:16 PM
I also don't think he's been on Oprah

Zebedee DuBois
07-21-2001, 03:41 PM
Keg,,
I'll buy a copy of your book, but I'll only be looking for a title whose author is listed as Keg in KC ! ;)

Stephen King brings to responces from me. I love his writing style when he is talking about normal things. When he brings in the "hocus pocus" stuff, my interest starts to wane. That is a problem, since most of his stories involve hocus pocus - otherworldly stuff. His style when describing people interacting with one another, what they are thinking, etc. is excellent.. very understandable. Some of his best stuff is his collections of short stories, that include Stand by Me, Shawshank Redemption. I can enjoy his 'magic' stuff like The Stand too, in fact I've read it a couple of times, but prefer the non-voodoo stuff.

Keep Working Keg! Resist the BB Tarbaby! :D

KS Smitty
09-03-2002, 10:30 AM
Gee look what I found. I believe this is the post Phobia was referring to a week or so ago. Post 4 contains a sample of keg's excellent (IMO) writing skills.

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 10:34 AM
Good lord, talk about a blast from the past. :eek:

KCJohnny
09-03-2002, 10:36 AM
Kyle,
Your writing reminds me of Robert Louis Stevenson.
And you actually used the word "doppleganger."

You are very talented. I always thought that Mr. Hunt should have you on the payroll here for the amount of work you put into promoting the Chiefs.

K C J

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 10:38 AM
Thank you, John, that's very nice of you to say.

Iowanian
09-03-2002, 10:38 AM
That wasn't Judy Bloom was it?

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 10:41 AM
Actually, Iowa, I've had enough of children's books, and that's a blurb from my new bestseller Fall Brothers.

Iowanian
09-03-2002, 10:42 AM
IS a dopplegagger a 2nd cousin to the Dingleberry?

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 10:49 AM
Originally posted by Iowanian
IS a dopplegagger a 2nd cousin to the Dingleberry? Dopplegagger?

I think I saw Jenna Jameson pull that move in a porno one time.

It was amazing. :eek:

Baby Lee
09-03-2002, 11:01 AM
A gentle rain falls soft and slow upon the arid plain, each drop ending in a plume of dust from the rust-hued loam.
Unsolicited advice, feel free to ignore.
I liked the excerpt, 'course I'm a sucker for that kind of exposition on a internal but seminal moment. But the use of the word loam took me out of the scene like a slap. Loam connotes richness, darkness and organic wealth, which is contrary to all the imagery summoned by 'arid,' 'dust,' and 'rust hued.'
Maybe 'marl?'
Or if you wanna go rocky, I like 'chirt.'

Rausch
09-03-2002, 11:04 AM
Originally posted by keg in kc
Dopplegagger?

I think I saw Jenna Jameson pull that move in a porno one time.

It was amazing. :eek:

Chamelions...

Brad,

Use ta' run a video store....:rolleyes:

Lzen
09-03-2002, 11:04 AM
Nice work keg. Have you ever read the Stormbringer series by Michael Moorcock? Your writing sample reminded me of this.

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 11:06 AM
Note to everyone -- this is a thread from over a year ago... :D

KS Smitty
09-03-2002, 11:07 AM
Originally posted by keg in kc
Note to everyone -- this is a thread from over a year ago... :D

See it's timeless too! :)

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 11:09 AM
Originally posted by KS Smitty


See it's timeless too! :) It's my writing that's timeless....

as in hard to read 'cause it utterly lacks any recognizable meter. :D

Rausch
09-03-2002, 11:13 AM
Originally posted by keg in kc
It's my writing that's timeless....

as in hard to read 'cause it utterly lacks any recognizable meter. :D

Like this short story I had ta' read last year 'bout the Philli Fire.....:grr:

keg in kc
09-03-2002, 11:14 AM
Originally posted by BRAD_CAUDLE


Like this short story I had ta' read last year 'bout the Philli Fire.....:grr: Or this short story I had to read about this cigarette smoking guy in the midwe---

errrrr, never mind. :evil:

:D

Logical
09-03-2002, 11:28 PM
Originally posted by keg in kc
This is a bit that I wrote a few months ago that I'm not using in the book (might use it in another work but I doubt it, which is why I have no problem sharing it here). Keep in mind that this is a first draft, completely unedited, but it's pretty indicative of my style, such as it is... It's science fiction, or maybe future fantasy would be more apt, because I'm less interested in hard science fiction (technologically centered) than I am in character and story development. ...

Awfully full of symbolism and a little to much soliloquy for my tastes Keg. I can see your underlying talent. However, you seem enmeshed in creating art instead of literature. JMO no offense intended.

Logical
09-03-2002, 11:36 PM
Oh just a note I just read some of the other post and see this is a really old thread. So is the book done? Have you lost the weight? Are you still working out?

Rausch
09-04-2002, 12:13 AM
Originally posted by keg in kc
Or this short story I had to read about this cigarette smoking guy in the midwe---

errrrr, never mind. :evil:

:D


Not following....:spock:

Ebolapox
09-04-2002, 03:12 AM
Kyle, I was floored... loved the imagery that was painted, and the comparison smitty made to roland gunslinger from the dark tower series was dead on, IMO...

I'd buy your book, needless to say... you have a very powerful writing style... I'm not too easily impressed by other people's written work, but that literally sent me to literature bliss...



-ougla5-...(acknowledged bookworm)

keg in kc
09-04-2002, 05:59 AM
Brad -- nevermind. Mean joke...

Jim -- these days, I'm not interested in art or litera-chore, just telling a story; more into trying to entertain people than trying to floor them with my own wit or style, something I used to be hung up on. I'm still fairly visually-oriented, though. My weight's down about another 5 or 6 pounds from where it was a year ago, and I'm still working. I have a ways to go, yet, but I still making progress. I'm even jogging now, for the first time in 10 years. As for the book, I'm pretty close. My goal is to hand my wife the final draft on our 1st anniversary, which is a month from Friday, and I'm on target for that, even a little ahead of schedule (hope she doesn't read this BBS, 'cause that's supposed to be a surprise ;)). Thanks for asking...

Ougla -- thanks, that's a nice sentiment from one bookworm to another. :)