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'Hamas' Jenkins
12-27-2007, 06:29 PM
So I was talking to someone today when some Taco Bell that I had for lunch launched a full scale frontal assault on my descending colon. Much like the battered bastards of Bastogne, my sphincter bulged, strained, but ultimately held its ground. But I'll admit, I stared death right in the face and damn near blinked.

With that being said, it reminded me of the last time I shit my pants. I'm not sure if it really counts as shitting my pants or shitting myself, though. I was 20 and I passed out in my bathtub. I was so drunk that I woke up, sat down at my computer chair, and thinkining it was a toilet, preceded to defecate on it. It Najeh Davenport-esque.

Sober, I think the last time I shit my pants was some time in preschool, but maybe I'm blacking something out.

What about you?

KCGridironBeast
12-27-2007, 06:31 PM
I knew a man who once said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back."

JohninGpt
12-27-2007, 06:32 PM
Northern Iraq 1991. I bought a kabob and a Tuborg from a street vendor. I have never been so sick either before or since.



Damn Tuborg.

Dicky McElephant
12-27-2007, 06:32 PM
I think I was like 5 or 6. Somehow.....getting up and going to the bathroom just didn't seem to be worth it at the time (I was watching cartoons). I've never shit my pants when I was drunk.

evolve27
12-27-2007, 06:32 PM
Last time LJ broke a tackle and the very latest was when Samie Parker scored.

blueballs
12-27-2007, 06:33 PM
If you shit your pants
you have entertain the cock

pr_capone
12-27-2007, 06:34 PM
I was 10 and my parents had left me to play with the nintendo at sears or some shit like that.

I got the urge and tried to fight it thinking about the beating I would get for having left that area without telling my parents.... who I had no idea where they were.

I held it as long as I could and went off in search of a bathroom.

I did not find it in time and shat myself.

Bill Parcells
12-27-2007, 06:37 PM
Does sharting count?

'Hamas' Jenkins
12-27-2007, 06:38 PM
Does sharting count?

If there is shit in your pants it counts.

MTG#10
12-27-2007, 06:39 PM
I shit my pants quite often. Its very invigorating.

Frazod
12-27-2007, 06:40 PM
Does sharting count?

I hate it when that happens. :banghead:

a1na2
12-27-2007, 06:40 PM
What time is it?

88TG88
12-27-2007, 08:06 PM
If there is shit in your pants it counts.
The last time I did that was about 8 years ago. I don't remember why or how.

snatch
12-27-2007, 08:09 PM
Three weeks ago when I had the flu. Thought it was a fart but ended in a shart.

Count Alex's Losses
12-27-2007, 08:10 PM
I dunno but these new pants I bought feel great on my balls.

Pablo
12-27-2007, 08:59 PM
I sharted a couple years ago and when I went to the bathroom to clean it out, it looked like a murky yellowish gravy... Kind of like turkey gravy.

Pretty odd. You're all welcome for the visual.

CrazyPhuD
12-27-2007, 09:03 PM
Does intentionally shitting in someone else's pants count? What if we were wearing them??

Pablo
12-27-2007, 09:07 PM
Does intentionally shitting in someone else's pants count? What if we were wearing them??That's pretty f*cking gross and funny.

Rain Man
12-27-2007, 09:07 PM
1993. Seoul, South Korea. It was borderline according to your definition, but only because I could run fast back then. I learned to avoid Korean fast food after that.

Simply Red
12-27-2007, 09:09 PM
I got a little more than I bargained for fairly recently. It was when I was on Alka Selzer Cold. It always gives me gas w/ some potential leakage. But pooping today took a solid turn.

ChiefaRoo
12-27-2007, 09:12 PM
I hate these threads. Please God make it stop.

Simply Red
12-27-2007, 09:16 PM
I hate these threads. Please God make it stop.
lmfao

FAX
12-27-2007, 09:19 PM
This reminds me of the time when I went to the bathroom at an airport and there was a midget in a tiny midget suit doing a little hop dance because he needed to go too and he asked me to hold him up so he could pee into the urinal so I told him no dang way and suggested he bring a chair next time and the next thing you know he started bawling like midgets do when they don't get their way and I had to leave the restroom and walk all the way down to another concourse to find a restroom where I could do my business in peace. Damn midget travellers.

FAX

Iowanian
12-27-2007, 09:27 PM
not since I was a kid, but when the wife walked through a minute ago....she assumed I just had.

Iowanian
12-27-2007, 09:29 PM
I hate these threads. Please God make it stop.

A higher brow reading experience is what you desire. Try this original.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?p=4480481#post4480481

Stryker
12-27-2007, 09:29 PM
I hate these threads. Please God make it stop.


TRANSLATION: "JUST NOW!"

ROFL ROFL ROFL

Skip Towne
12-27-2007, 09:35 PM
not since I was a kid, but when the wife walked through a minute ago....she assumed I just had.
If you didn't you missed a hell of a chance.

a1na2
12-27-2007, 09:53 PM
This reminds me of the time when I went to the bathroom at an airport and there was a midget in a tiny midget suit doing a little hop dance because he needed to go too and he asked me to hold him up so he could pee into the urinal so I told him no dang way and suggested he bring a chair next time and the next thing you know he started bawling like midgets do when they don't get their way and I had to leave the restroom and walk all the way down to another concourse to find a restroom where I could do my business in peace. Damn midget travellers.

FAX

I was waiting at the Denver Airport for weather to clear. It seemed to be clearing and a few planes that had been orbiting started coming in. I decided to go take a dump before my flight as I hate using the cans on the planes.

I was peacefully sitting and doing my duty as I heard some fast moving steps coming into the area. The door a few down slammed shut and then the eruption like someone blew the bottom out of the toilet. I knew the feeling, I thought, as did someone further down ... they laughed out loud.

The response was priceless, a voice sounded saying that if we thought that was good that we needed for him to get his pants down!

I pinched it off, cleaned up and headed out. I didn't want to see anyone coming out of any of the shitters!

My flight left in about 15 minutes ... didn't see anyone with the old stain moving around the airport before I left.

Deberg_1990
12-27-2007, 09:57 PM
Prairie dogged it many times.....


But done remember the last time i shat myself....

Davechief
12-27-2007, 10:00 PM
I've never shit in the Denver Airport but I would love to take a dump on the 50 yard line at Pile High Stadium

Jamie
12-27-2007, 10:07 PM
I was about 10 and home from school with a stomach ache. I was headed to the bathroom but it didn't seem urgent, and I made the rookie mistake of letting a fart go on the way. Everything I had on below the waist had to be thrown away.

FAX
12-27-2007, 10:08 PM
They say that the government installed a huge underground facility beneath the Denver airport and that's why it took so long to build, Mr. Davechief. According to an expert on coasttocoast am, they use the facility to reverse engineer alien technology including anti-gravity propulsion which is cool because it means that we don't need oil except that they won't tell us about it because the Illuminati don't want us to know. Apparently, they're also doing genetic experiments there and combining the DNA of aliens and humans to see if they can create a race of people who can withstand a nuclear strike which explains a lot, especially when you think about Shanahan's wife's appearance.

FAX

Buck
12-27-2007, 10:15 PM
If shneezes count, then like 2.5 weeks ago, If not the last time was when I was 9 and had a very bad skiing accident.

Cochise
12-27-2007, 10:49 PM
You mean today?

SBK
12-27-2007, 10:54 PM
I once thought I could drive all the way home while my gut was doing jumping jacks. Finally I decided I couldn't play that game and headed for QT. While in the car parked right in front of the door I pinched my cheeks as hard as I could and lost. The worst, and best feelings I've ever felt came on me at the same exact instant.

That was the day my hatred for public bathrooms ended. I no longer stare death in the face, I used to all the time. It only takes one loss.....

Worst of all my wife was in the car next to me and laughing at me all the way home while I drove standing up.

Phobia
12-27-2007, 11:13 PM
It was this summer. Tomatoes were too perfect and too tasty. I couldn't control myself the day before nor the day of the event. It wasn't a fart. I paid dearly.

Marty Mac Ver 2.0
12-27-2007, 11:16 PM
I shat my pants watching ASU play tonight.

Phobia
12-27-2007, 11:23 PM
I'm a little concerned for tomorrow morning. I had quite a bit of bean dip over at BigRedChief's house. Thankfully, I had some cheese log to counteract - hopefully. Maybe I should eat a bunch of celery tonight, no?

Demonpenz
12-27-2007, 11:41 PM
peanut butter should bind you up

Mr. Flopnuts
12-27-2007, 11:49 PM
Eat a McRib.

Simplex3
12-28-2007, 12:04 AM
I must have a sixth sense that alerts me to the presence of matter against my sphincter. I don't recall ever having this problem.

Woodrow Call
12-28-2007, 12:06 AM
I was in the 1st grade at a friend's house. We were out on the swing set laughing and I laughed too hard.

Marty Mac Ver 2.0
12-28-2007, 12:43 AM
I can eat Mexican food or hot wings all day and never have to go but the minute my bung hole senses I am 10 minutes from home, I have to go in a major way. I was pulled over once and told the cop either let me go and crap or stay here and suffer with me. He goes, "ok, slow down. I've been there before. Get home and take of business."

Bump
12-28-2007, 02:08 AM
mmm, a few months ago I kinda had a "trick fart." I was in my apartment by myself so I just ran to the bathroom and ass pissed the rest. That was one of those poops that are not enjoyable.

philfree
12-28-2007, 02:11 AM
Never! what a bucnch of pusies!

PhilFree:arrow:

bowener
12-28-2007, 02:33 AM
Anyone here had the flu and had to make The Choice? When you have to decide to puke in the toilet and shit your pants, or shit in the toilet and puke on yourself (only if a trashcan isnt near). I've done this twice with mixed results, first time I looked like a pro, yanking down pants and grabbing a trashcan all as my entire body turned inside out and I shit a fountain and puked chunks... didnt miss a bit. The second time I was n00bish and decided to shit in the toilet and couldnt reach the trash can so I puked spahettio's on my ankles and in my pants.... What a mess :shake:

Troy1220
12-28-2007, 06:47 AM
Here's the deal. I do short term missions work in Africa. Last year I was on an island on Lake Victoria in Kenya. I got very sick after eating my 100th fish and rice meal. A thunderstorm was rolling in so I had to get to my tent. I had to go #2 baaaaaad, but it was raining hard and I really didn't want to wander outside this village I was staying in. I laid in my tent with butt cheeks fully clinched. I was very tired, but knew that if I were to fall asleep my sphincter would relax and a river of poo would fill my pants. Yep, I nodded off and soon after.....it happened. A warm feeling...um down there. I cleaned myself up the best I could in the dark, small 1 man tent, and stashed all evidence of the accident in a ziplock bag in my suitcase. I had to fly early the next morning aboard a small puddle jumper from Kenya to Mwanza, Tanzania. I knew that my suitcase would be gone through at customs, and I really didn't want to explain the contents of the plastic bag. What was I going to do? I explained my situation to the pilot as we were flying towards Tanzania and he laughed, and opened my small window and told me to fling it out the window into Lake Victoria....so I did. There....not proud of it..but it happened.

Skip Towne
12-28-2007, 07:36 AM
Now you guys have made me afraid to fart.

Bob Dole
12-28-2007, 10:14 AM
Just now.

Damned unfiltered wheat beer.

StcChief
12-28-2007, 11:08 AM
Just now.

Damned unfiltered wheat beer.
Beer it's not just for Breakfast anymore.

Braincase
12-28-2007, 12:49 PM
It was about 6 weeks ago. A guy at work told me that Chase Daniel would easily win the Heisman, and I got to laughing so hard... well, you can guess the rest.

Skip Towne
12-28-2007, 12:53 PM
It was about 6 weeks ago. A guy at work told me that Chase Daniels would easily win the Heisman, and I got to laughing so hard... well, you can guess the rest.
Fixed it

Braincase
12-28-2007, 12:57 PM
Fixed it

Damn, Skip. I had to look that over about 6 times before I figured out wtf you did. LOL.