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pr_capone
01-08-2008, 02:02 PM
Dear Internet Porn,

These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to.

When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality.

As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her.

But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.

I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me.

Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there.

There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come.

So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame.

- Your shamed lover

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/518589816.html

LMFAO

ChiefsCountry
01-08-2008, 02:05 PM
I thought it was pron?

88TG88
01-08-2008, 02:07 PM
What a quitter :deevee:

Mr. Plow
01-08-2008, 02:09 PM
ROFL

Jilly
01-08-2008, 02:10 PM
that's somewhat brilliant

ChiefaRoo
01-08-2008, 02:10 PM
For a minute I thought PR had developed writing skills.

Dicky McElephant
01-08-2008, 02:15 PM
How dare you post my article and not even give me credit.

dshyne101
01-08-2008, 02:15 PM
JadaFire 4 President!!!

Rooster
01-08-2008, 02:18 PM
ROFL ROFL Very funny. A guy I work with lost his wife because he was addicted the internet pron. Sad really but in a funny way.

Der Flöprer
01-08-2008, 02:22 PM
ROFL ROFL Very funny. A guy I work with lost his wife because he was addicted the internet pron. Sad really but in a funny way.


Sad that the bitch left him over nekkid pictures. My wife hated it at first, now she says "You're a man." She's ****in right too. Don't blame me, blame my penis. ;)

greg63
01-08-2008, 02:23 PM
When we first met I was a loser......And obviously still is.

pr_capone
01-08-2008, 02:32 PM
For a minute I thought PR had developed writing skills.

I have MAD writing skillz yo.... I just simply choose not to share that side of myself with the barbarians on this board. :D

LOL

Rooster
01-08-2008, 03:08 PM
Sad that the bitch left him over nekkid pictures. My wife hated it at first, now she says "You're a man." She's ****in right too. Don't blame me, blame my penis. ;)

LOL.. From my understanding of the situation it got a lot weirder than just a few naked pictures.

kstater
01-08-2008, 03:11 PM
LOL.. From my understanding of the situation it got a lot weirder than just a few naked pictures.


Any Links? :drool:

88TG88
01-08-2008, 03:26 PM
How dare you post my article and not even give me credit.
lol, ya right. Like you would ever give up internet porn ROFL





:p :p

Ebolapox
01-08-2008, 11:31 PM
wow, george carlin really outdid himself.

or was that ted nugent?

mcan
01-08-2008, 11:38 PM
Pretty funny. Here's one of the custom motivational posters I made on another thread a couple of months ago.

TinyEvel
01-08-2008, 11:41 PM
That's why all my shiznit goes into a folder named "VW parts schematics'

doomy3
01-08-2008, 11:58 PM
ROFL ROFL ROFL

Agent V
01-09-2008, 12:01 AM
That's why all my shiznit goes into a folder named "VW parts schematics'
I put mine in the "Chiefs vs. Broncos 1998 Playoffs Film" folder. Nobody looks in there.

Zeke Ziggle
01-09-2008, 12:16 AM
I put mine in the "Chiefs vs. Broncos 1998 Playoffs Film" folder. Nobody looks in there.
I had a friend who put his in a folder named elton john under the assumption that know one would look for straight pr0n in a gay man

Ari Chi3fs
01-09-2008, 12:26 AM
That's why all my shiznit goes into a folder named "VW parts schematics'


hah. Mine is in a folder called Insurance Seminar.

88TG88
01-09-2008, 12:51 AM
My best pr0no flick is named "super bowl IV". :p

DenverChief
01-09-2008, 02:49 AM
hah. Mine is in a folder called Insurance Seminar.


Video Hardware Drivers :shrug:

Archie F. Swin
01-09-2008, 07:56 AM
I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass...

Why would you want to put your girlfriend's face up her ass?