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View Full Version : Wanna see a picture of an idiot?


Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:14 PM
So...I'm on a plane tonght, and it's on United Airlines, which is a horrible, horrible mistake to start with. In my defense, I only flew on United because they gave me a $100 certificate in exchange for the last time they royally screwed up. Other than one more flight that I've already bought, never again on United Airlines. Never again.

I decide that I'd like to do a little work on the plane. It's practically impossible to do that in Economy since it's basically an Iron Maiden torture device, and if the person in front of you leans back, you can't open your laptop all the way. So I paid an extra $29 each to get United's "Economy Plus", which would be a good deal if United wasn't the most incompetent piece of feces that ever lost a suitcase.

Long story short, when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking, three people got up from Economy Class and came up to Economy Plus and sat down. An obese, slack-jawed, sissified low-achiever who, it is rumored, wet the bed until he was 20 and dresses like a woman on his days off (though I can't confirm that) made a big production out of picking a seat, and moved all of his stuff up from Economy. He picked the seat across the aisle from me.

I'm an easygoing guy. I really am. But stuff like this ticks me off. I just paid to upgrade, and these people cheated when the Sky Waitresses weren't looking. So I politely told the guy, "Just FYI, these seats cost more money. I don't think you can move up here."

He made a stupid comment back, of the sort that I don't absorb very well. So I narced him to the Sky Waitress when she came by. I told her that three people moved up from Economy, and would she please ask them to move back since I just paid extra to move up.

And you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT? The Sky Waitress said - in front of the guy, "We have a hard time policing that, so we don't enforce it." So in other words, United Airlines stole my money.

Well, she leaves and the guy starts jawing at me, and then says, "I'll be finding you outside the baggage area."

What the - ? Is this high school? Are we meeting after class for a fight? Is the potbellied guy with the 70s porn moustache going to beat me up after school? I mean, this dude is probably 45 years old, and I doubt he's ever been on a date, unless you count taking his mother to the prom (though that's a rumor - I can't confirm that). I haven't been physically threatened since...well, since that homeless guy with the soup, but before that it's probably been 30 years.

I figured y'all would want a picture of him, so I took a couple at the baggage claim where he was supposed to beat me up. (See the first couple of posts.) As I suspected, he just stood there with his eyes down like a complete wimp. I got my bag, left, and as I got on the escalator to the ground transport, I looked back. The guy is running over. He had waited until I was halfway down the escalator, and then he ran over and made a bunch of obscene gestures at me. ROFL

Honestly, I'm not so annoyed at the guy because I understand that some people simply aren't smart enough to understand how proper society works. I'm really more annoyed at United Airlines, which once again proved that they are the biggest group of mouth-breathers on the face of the planet. I guess I deserve what I get for giving them money.

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:17 PM
Here's the idiot from afar. I think he's waiting for me to beat me up, though he didn't do anything when I was standing there. But I think he really intended to beat me up. Maybe he just has trouble remembering faces or something.

milkman
03-15-2008, 11:19 PM
Tattletale.

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:21 PM
Here's a front view. It's a little blurry, because he was quaking with fear. He was wearing a "BrainShare" jacket, which I presume means that he's on the waiting list for one.

Sadly, I had put my phone away when I was on the escalator, so I didn't get a photo of him running over being a jackass. That would've been fun to put on the Internet.

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:23 PM
Tattletale.

And proud of it.

More and more, this world needs a plague that only affects people who can't function in society.

stevieray
03-15-2008, 11:25 PM
the first shot looks like you were in a corner, and the second looks like stealth mode...

pikesome
03-15-2008, 11:25 PM
I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:27 PM
the first shot looks like you were in a corner, and the second looks like stealth mode...

Keep in mind that I've never won a fight, though of course I've never fought that guy.

milkman
03-15-2008, 11:27 PM
I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."

I doubt that happens.

He's on a Donkey board.

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:29 PM
I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."

I figure he's on some group therapy site for people who have no social skills telling his story right now. "And I found a seat that was way bigger than mine, and this guy didn't want me to sit in it. I have no idea why. And then I started to chew some gum and fell down, and I don't remember much after that."

stevieray
03-15-2008, 11:29 PM
Keep in mind that I've never won a fight, though of course I've never fought that guy.

I heard the Mission Impossible theme

pikesome
03-15-2008, 11:30 PM
I doubt that happens.

He's on a Donkey board.

Who's stupider, A Donk fan or a WPI subscriber?

Rausch
03-15-2008, 11:30 PM
...and then there are some of us thinking about buying United for the free upgrade...

unothadeal
03-15-2008, 11:31 PM
Should have told him he was in "baggage area elite" and needed to pay an extra $19.95 to pick up his bags there.

Iowanian
03-15-2008, 11:32 PM
I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.

milkman
03-15-2008, 11:33 PM
Who's stupider, A Donk fan or a WPI subscriber?

That's a tough call, but I'm going to go with Donk fan.

pikesome
03-15-2008, 11:33 PM
I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.

http://www.fasterwebs.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/shonuff.jpg

pikesome
03-15-2008, 11:35 PM
That's a tough call, but I'm going to go with Donk fan.

I'm leaning to the WPI, there is a reoccurring cost for WPI. It's like getting nut-punched every month. And paying for it.

Rain Man
03-15-2008, 11:36 PM
I'll teach you my famed "uppercut to the taint" punch of nut-death for any future incidents.

You'll be strutting around like LeRoy with "the glow"....the iowani-glow.

you are the last dragon.

Maybe I need to sign up for lessons. One of these days, one of these guys will actually have testicles and really will hit me.

It just struck me as hilarious that the guy waited until I was on the escalator before he ran over and "made his move". I'll bet he would've screamed like a little girl if I had come back up the escalator two minutes later.

Iowanian
03-15-2008, 11:37 PM
Show him your "eagle claws" and say in a very disturbed voice

"mcBitch, I'll rip out your mcCooterbone and feed it to the pigeons and they'll crap it on your geo metro!"


You can steal all of my cyber-macho you want....free of charge.

I'd also recommend "the dragon"...you've seen it here before.

.When I'm kickin ass on the innerweb, I prefer smokers.

I wait until they do that "cooL, I'm a smoker, last big drag and cig flip before getting macho"....as they watch the cig flicker so cooly to the ground, I jackie Chan their ass.

The coolest part is when I unleash what I shall from here on out call "the dragon".

As they lay on their back, gasping for air.....fart in their mouth, and stick the cig back in. when they Exhale....WOOOOOOOOOOF

Dragon.

Thats How I roll. WE GOTS DANCAS IN FORTWAYNIAN

cdcox
03-15-2008, 11:38 PM
I'm pretty sure he was a sky marshall.

KcMizzou
03-15-2008, 11:39 PM
You should have tazered him... and posted the video.

Rausch
03-15-2008, 11:47 PM
Maybe I need to sign up for lessons. One of these days, one of these guys will actually have testicles and really will hit me.


On a plane? Plenty of witnesses to an assault there. All his base will belong to Apricot beamer...

Count Zarth
03-16-2008, 02:11 AM
I'd laugh my ass off if there's some dud over on WPI or the Star's board typing up a post..."So this jack off tells the stewardess..."

It's probably T0m Cash. I wouldn't be shocked.

RustShack
03-16-2008, 02:35 AM
I hope this guy is a regular on CP...

BigMeatballDave
03-16-2008, 07:11 AM
LMAO

Iowanian
03-16-2008, 07:52 AM
bRainman is studying Taladega Nights for his self defense smack now.

"One of you turds is about to get smacked in mouth".

I have the court reporters rendition of this mornings meeting, where he makes daface play the villain

Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are *terrible* boys!
Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!
Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby: Come on!
Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip: What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!


These are the lines, deemed most effective in the market research evaluations.

Iowanian
03-16-2008, 08:05 AM
haha.

I found video of brainman and daface practicing for the return flight.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9OypVF7Lda8&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9OypVF7Lda8&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

Hoover
03-16-2008, 08:19 AM
LMAO

JBucc
03-16-2008, 08:23 AM
How are they supposed to stop terrorists if they can't even get a wimp like Ari Chiefs to go back to his seat?

Deberg_1990
03-16-2008, 08:28 AM
Did you get his permission to post his pic on the internet??


When you departed the plane, did you seek a United Supervisor out and tell them your story about what one of their stewardess's said??


People will always try and scam the system. (Its just human nature) I guess if United isnt going to enforce their own policies, i cant blame these people for doing it??

Frankie
03-16-2008, 08:51 AM
Meh Rain Man. We got a couple of them guys right here on this bb. Don't fret dude.

keg in kc
03-16-2008, 09:14 AM
More and more, this world needs a plague that only affects people who can't function in society.I'm not ready to die yet.

Sure-Oz
03-16-2008, 09:23 AM
What a fat pos, and United does blow ass. I feel sufficated when im in economy as well.

You should've beat his ass and gotten your $29 or whatever from him

burt
03-16-2008, 09:27 AM
Meh Rain Man. We got a couple of them guys right here on this bb. Don't fret dude.

Leave me alone!

blueballs
03-16-2008, 10:36 AM
I think that's Bob Gretz

Rain Man
03-16-2008, 10:46 AM
I'm debating my plan for the return trip. I'm considering the following options for the people who will doubtless do the same thing then.

1. If United won't enforce their own rules, I'll tell each of the people that I "represent United Airlines" and that if they would like to buy an instant upgrade I'd be glad to sell them one. If they pay me $29 each, fine, and apparently the stewardess won't intervene.

2. I'll go sit in the middle seat right next to them and hum "Oh, Susanna" the entire flight.

3. I'll pick one of them, follow them to their car at a dark spot at DIA, and stab them to death. Then I'll write in blood on their windshield, "Next time, pay the $29."

I kind of like Option 1. It's not like United is going to stop me, right? If I can get payment from 10 people, my trip is free.

blueballs
03-16-2008, 10:49 AM
Eat lots of red meat and drink plenty of strong beer
then mark your territory

DaFace
03-16-2008, 10:58 AM
I'm surprised you have time to post on the Planet. I mean, how are you going to fit in all of the sights and sounds of Minneapolis in one day? Get out there and see the world!

88TG88
03-16-2008, 11:18 AM
Shoulda kicked his ass.

Rain Man
03-16-2008, 11:22 AM
I'm surprised you have time to post on the Planet. I mean, how are you going to fit in all of the sights and sounds of Minneapolis in one day? Get out there and see the world!

MC is out, so I have to finish her proposal. :(

DaFace
03-16-2008, 11:25 AM
MC is out, so I have to finish her proposal. :(

Eww. Well, hope it goes quickly at least.

StcChief
03-16-2008, 11:33 AM
Yeah. wonder why the Airlines are in trouble. at $29/ea. and not enforcing "free upgrade" .... fire a few Stewardess over this and watch what happens

Halfcan
03-16-2008, 11:33 AM
You should have came up behind him at the baggage deal and kicked him as hard as you could in the nuts and said.....

You know who you fuggin with you you dumb mother fugger????

I am RAINMAN!!!!

And as he is laying on the floor craddleing his tiny nuts-you quietly grab your bag and his his-and then walk out.

Iowanian
03-16-2008, 11:36 AM
Holy Crap...

ladies and Gentlemen....BILL BRASKEY IS IN THE HOUSE!


painting it.

chagrin
03-16-2008, 02:22 PM
Sorry about that Rain Man - I hate people like that and never miss an opportunity to call one out; frankly I admire your restraint, he looks like a typical bully wannabe. You shouldn't have to pay full price and I hope you took the STEWARDESS's name, the flight number and the situation down to report it to them; surely they'd make amends somehow since you fly so much.

burt
03-16-2008, 02:33 PM
Oh, Susanna, won't you play for me.....