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View Full Version : Man arrested for sex with a picnic table...


MIAdragon
03-30-2008, 03:03 PM
WTF?! You cant make this shit up.

http://www.fox19.com/Global/story.asp?S=8083860&nav=menu63_2

Ohio man facing charges for having sex with a picnic table

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(BELLEVUE, OH) -- Police say a man in Bellevue, Ohio was caught on tape having sex with a picnic table. Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says Art Price, Jr., 40, was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table. What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.
The neighbor -- who wishes to remain anonymous -- saw Price walk out onto his deck, stand a round metal table on its side and use the hole in the umbrella to have sex. The most recent instance took place March 14, we're told. A neighbor videotaped Price. "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says. Police say Price admitted to the crimes -- four charges of public indecency. Usually these sorts of things are misdemeanors, but in this case, they are felonies.

"What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor," Johnson explains. The Price family did not want to talk with us, but neighbors did. Some are not happy Price was released on his own recognizance. "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again -- and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance," says Brice Jacobs, a neighbor.

Price is married with three school-aged children. Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids. "Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.
This case has police in this small town shaking their heads. "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around," Johnson says.

Bump
03-30-2008, 03:07 PM
wow and ouch!
sex with a picnic table.....wow

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 03:08 PM
Is it really that bad if they love each other?

alanm
03-30-2008, 03:11 PM
Let me get this straight. The guy is married but he prefers the picnic table. Please don't anyone come up with pictures of the wife. :shake:

blueballs
03-30-2008, 03:12 PM
When a man is horny
no hole is safe

Bump
03-30-2008, 03:13 PM
Let me get this straight. The guy is married but he prefers the picnic table. Please don't anyone come up with pictures of the wife. :shake:

or she doesn't give him any satisfaction

Phobia
03-30-2008, 03:14 PM
The umbrella hole? How does he put it in that tiny little thing?

BigMeatballDave
03-30-2008, 03:14 PM
LMAO

alanm
03-30-2008, 03:14 PM
or she doesn't give him any satisfaction
How bad do you have to be if you're worse than a metal picnic table. :eek:

milkman
03-30-2008, 03:14 PM
I wonder if there were any crumbs on that table?

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 03:15 PM
Let me get this straight. The guy is married but he prefers the picnic table. Please don't anyone come up with pictures of the wife. :shake:


Maybe the wife won't take it in the umbrella stand.

(I have no idea what that means, but it sure sounds dirty.)

Demonpenz
03-30-2008, 03:17 PM
ehhh I saw the pics of the table i've head better

MIAdragon
03-30-2008, 03:17 PM
Maybe the wife won't take it in the umbrella stand.

(I have no idea what that means, but it sure sounds dirty.)


ROFL

Jenson71
03-30-2008, 03:19 PM
ehhh I saw the pics of the table i've head better

LMAO

kstater
03-30-2008, 03:21 PM
So does, uh, the results of his experience end up in the same spot as chewing gum at McDonalds?

milkman
03-30-2008, 03:22 PM
ehhh I saw the pics of the table i've head better

A brick shithouse at the park?

Bump
03-30-2008, 03:24 PM
ok, now I got that stupid song in my head...I'm not really so sure how it goes but something like this

look at my umbrella...ella ella ay ay

blueballs
03-30-2008, 03:24 PM
He ripped off her top
rolled her over on her side
and went for the rust spot

kstater
03-30-2008, 03:26 PM
Reading this article, I had a perfectly good wood joke, but alas it was a metal table.

MIAdragon
03-30-2008, 03:29 PM
ok, now I got that stupid song in my head...I'm not really so sure how it goes but something like this

look at my umbrella...ella ella ay ay


Rihanna..http://www.southfloridastangs.net/sfsforum/images/smilies/new/drool.gif

Gonzo
03-30-2008, 03:34 PM
The sad thing is, you know he won't call the next day.

CosmicPal
03-30-2008, 03:35 PM
Neighbors tell us they're now worried about the kids. "Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.


Well, now that it's publicized all over the local, national, and global news- I'm sure the kids will be just fine. :rolleyes: I mean, this sort of stuff happens all the time with fathers, so why wouldn't the kids be embarrassed? Geezit...if you're worried about the kids, then stfu Emily Grote and let the family deal with their own crisis.

Jenson71
03-30-2008, 03:36 PM
This story reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.

Adept Havelock
03-30-2008, 03:42 PM
Let me get this straight. The guy is married but he prefers the picnic table. Please don't anyone come up with pictures of the wife. :shake:

I hadn't thought of that. :eek:

Maybe she is rustier inside than the table?

Braincase
03-30-2008, 03:48 PM
I remember when I caught a sexy piece of lawn furniture checking out my ass... I knew it wanted me in the worst way...

CosmicPal
03-30-2008, 03:51 PM
I remember when I caught a sexy piece of lawn furniture checking out my ass... I knew it wanted me in the worst way...

That's what happens when you mix acid with Flintstone vitamins.

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 03:54 PM
I remember when I caught a sexy piece of lawn furniture checking out my ass... I knew it wanted me in the worst way...

I bet it was a chaise lounge. It may be politically incorrect to say this, but we all know that they're the sluttiest lawn furniture in general.

Adept Havelock
03-30-2008, 04:00 PM
I bet it was a chaise lounge. It may be politically incorrect to say this, but we all know that they're the sluttiest lawn furniture in general.

What do you expect? It's a french piece of furniture. :p

KCChiefsMan
03-30-2008, 04:03 PM
Well, now that it's publicized all over the local, national, and global news- I'm sure the kids will be just fine. :rolleyes: I mean, this sort of stuff happens all the time with fathers, so why wouldn't the kids be embarrassed? Geezit...if you're worried about the kids, then stfu Emily Grote and let the family deal with their own crisis.

those kids are gonna have to move town to avoid the daily bashing that the kids will provide. Kids are cruel to each other

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 04:04 PM
those kids are gonna have to move town to avoid the daily bashing that the kids will provide. Kids are cruel to each other

Perhaps those kids should start wearing high heels and makeup to distract from the picnic table thing.

Ultra Peanut
03-30-2008, 04:05 PM
So THAT's what Steve Bozell looks like.

Phobia
03-30-2008, 04:05 PM
The table wasn't even that great. She just laid there.

Phobia
03-30-2008, 04:06 PM
I wish my name was "Captain Johnson". I'll bet the Chief is scoring with every woman in town and all the sheep too, which may be why Mr. Price was reduced to hitting a table.

Frankie
03-30-2008, 04:19 PM
That's it. No more Tabletop Stuffing for me!

stlchiefs
03-30-2008, 04:30 PM
I've had better. That umbrella is just a little to thin for my taste.

Lonewolf Ed
03-30-2008, 05:02 PM
From the article:

"Hopefully it stays between the adults and the kids don't get a lot of the information so they aren't so cruel to the little kids," says Emily Grote, a neighbor.

Yeaaaaahhhhh, right! The wife and kids have got to move to a different State.

dj56dt58
03-30-2008, 05:08 PM
This is what happens when a picnic table dresses like a ****in slut..what did it expect?

BWillie
03-30-2008, 05:40 PM
A felony? Come on. The guy is a moron and a weirdo but he was just beating off with a picnic table. It was on his own damn deck. If you don't want to watch, look away. That is so ****ing stupid that they give you a felony just because a child could have possibly seen it.

I blame his wife, I bet she wasn't putting out

stlchiefs
03-30-2008, 05:46 PM
A felony? Come on. The guy is a moron and a weirdo but he was just beating off with a picnic table. It was on his own damn deck. If you don't want to watch, look away. That is so ****ing stupid that they give you a felony just because a child could have possibly seen it.

I blame his wife, I bet she wasn't putting out

Settle down, I'm sure your dad will beat these charges (no pun intended). I wish your family the best. :thumb:

dj56dt58
03-30-2008, 05:47 PM
A felony? Come on. The guy is a moron and a weirdo but he was just beating off with a picnic table. It was on his own damn deck. If you don't want to watch, look away. That is so ****ing stupid that they give you a felony just because a child could have possibly seen it.

I blame his wife, I bet she wasn't putting out

I agree..while I don't ever see myself wanting to **** a picnic table, it would be nice to know that i should be able to on my own property if need be

and..would this be considered adultery?

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 05:50 PM
I agree..while I don't ever see myself wanting to **** a picnic table, it would be nice to know that i should be able to on my own property if need be

and..would this be considered adultery?

Don't worry. You probably just haven't met the right picnic table yet.

bkkcoh
03-30-2008, 05:50 PM
Are they gonna make sure that his tetanus shot is updated?

Jenson71
03-30-2008, 05:52 PM
I agree..while I don't ever see myself wanting to **** a picnic table, it would be nice to know that i should be able to on my own property if need be

and..would this be considered adultery?

Just for future reference for when in Ohio - take the table out on a date to the garage.

Jenson71
03-30-2008, 05:54 PM
Are they gonna make sure that his tetanus shot is updated?

The picnic table may have given him an STD. For the good of the children, this must be implemented in our sex ed. classes.

bkkcoh
03-30-2008, 05:55 PM
Just for future reference for when in Ohio - take the table out on a date to the garage.


Please keep in mind that not all people in Ohio are like the jerk in the story.

ROYC75
03-30-2008, 06:28 PM
Guy was really hard up .......

dj56dt58
03-30-2008, 06:32 PM
Don't worry. You probably just haven't met the right picnic table yet.

eharmony is such a ripoff...

HolmeZz
03-30-2008, 06:34 PM
Picnic tables always give me wood.

ChiefGator
03-30-2008, 07:05 PM
Poor bastard.. he lives too close to a school.

In a side note, I live like 30 feet from a school, although a deep ravine and alot of trees seperate me from their track field. I always wonder if I somehow get caught doing something if that will come back and bite me in the ass. Like, maybe I get busted goin' down the wrong hole so close to school.... Eeeek! Suddenly I'm in the fed prison.

Those rules are slightly dumb.

Mark

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 07:08 PM
Please keep in mind that not all people in Ohio are like the jerk in the story.

I figure Dayton is not like that at all. Canton was beyond reproach too, until they let Elway in there.

stevieray
03-30-2008, 07:21 PM
freakazoid: "hey let's give new meaning to let's do lunch"
Table : " sure, just let make a hole in my schedule"

groooooooooooooooooooaaan

Frankie
03-30-2008, 10:06 PM
maybe I get busted goin' down the wrong hole so close to school.... Eeeek! Suddenly I'm in the fed prison.
An eye for an eye, man.

KCChiefsMan
03-30-2008, 10:38 PM
meanwhile, several Chiefs Planet members are calculating how close their homes are to the nearest school.

KCChiefsMan
03-30-2008, 10:38 PM
I hope he gets anal raped in prison for how he raped that poor table.

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 11:03 PM
I hope he gets anal raped in prison for how he raped that poor table.

The guards will probably put him in a cell with some revenge-seeking gang members.

http://www.directpine.co.uk/media/coronanestoftable.jpg

milkman
03-30-2008, 11:05 PM
The guards will probably put him in a cell with some revenge-seeking gang members.

http://www.directpine.co.uk/media/coronanestoftable.jpg

Is that a threesome?

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 11:05 PM
I just noticed in the mug shot. Am I reading correctly that the dude is something like 6'-9"?

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 11:06 PM
Is that a threesome?

No, no. It's a gang.

milkman
03-30-2008, 11:14 PM
No, no. It's a gang.

It's a gang bang?

boogblaster
03-30-2008, 11:16 PM
Sticky hole in table makes perfect ant-trap ....

KcMizzou
03-30-2008, 11:17 PM
I haven't read the thread, but hey, if a dude wants to bang a picnic table on his own property... who am I to judge?

Different strokes (and splinters) for different folks. :shrug:

Rausch
03-30-2008, 11:19 PM
I don't even know this guy but he looks like someone who'd make seggs with someone who really isn't even there.

KcMizzou
03-30-2008, 11:21 PM
I don't even know this guy but he looks like someone who'd make seggs with someone who really isn't even there.Hey don't judge... some uh, people... do that often.

J Diddy
03-30-2008, 11:24 PM
bowling for soups next hit

"there's nothing wrong with ohio, except people ****ing picnic tables"

Rausch
03-30-2008, 11:29 PM
Hey don't judge... some uh, people... do that often.

Not outside my shower I don't...

Fairplay
03-30-2008, 11:30 PM
If the picnic table is under 18 years old then this will be a federal case for it. If underaged he could be slapped with child molestation charge.

Lumber experts are to be flown in tomorrow to determine how old the wood is, and if its a boy or a girl.

In the meantime residents in the area have been asked to report any mayonnaise like substance that they see on picnic tables in the area.

KcMizzou
03-30-2008, 11:31 PM
Not outside my shower I don't...It's yours. You can wash it as often and as fast as you want.

Boon
03-30-2008, 11:36 PM
I got nuthin.

smittysbar
03-30-2008, 11:37 PM
They will probably table this case until further investigation....

Rain Man
03-30-2008, 11:38 PM
If the picnic table is under 18 years old then this will be a federal case for it. If underaged he could be slapped with child molestation charge.


Technically, I think it's sapling molestation.

keg in kc
03-30-2008, 11:40 PM
I don't even know this guy but he looks like someone who'd make seggs with someone who really isn't even there.Some of us can't get it any other way.

Rausch
03-30-2008, 11:43 PM
It's yours. You can wash it as often and as fast as you want.

Keep voting libertarian!:D

KcMizzou
03-30-2008, 11:43 PM
Technically, I think it's sapling molestation.He's probably pine-ing for a new cherry. If I were him, I'd check out Oakland.

Fairplay
03-30-2008, 11:53 PM
Cross a picnic table with a mans reproductive system and what to you get?

We could invent new life. Be bold and experiment on your favorite picnic table. When months later you see other little tables with your family's strong resemblance on it. Then you will see you started a whole new race.

Ah yes, the joys of parenthood.

From what i know about wood people they are very anti-smoking supporters.

blueballs
03-31-2008, 12:20 AM
Bellevue
this could be an early April fool's joke

seclark
03-31-2008, 09:28 AM
he's screwing the picnic table, but dreaming of a lawn chair.
too bad there wasn't a large wasp nest on the underside.
sec

tooge
03-31-2008, 09:31 AM
give the guy a break. He was just grudge farking it. His wife is cheating on him with the umbrella.

gblowfish
03-31-2008, 09:34 AM
The only thing that would make this story weirder is if the guy was dressed up like Yogi Bear...

crazycoffey
03-31-2008, 10:03 AM
Whatever happened to the good old days were you just made love to your hand or your vacuum's accessories...
Where's the world going?

el borracho
03-31-2008, 10:31 AM
I guess lunch was a penis butter and jelly sandwhich. :shrug:

kepp
03-31-2008, 10:31 AM
This story reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.
..

el borracho
03-31-2008, 10:32 AM
He effed the table on his porch because he didn't really feel like eating out.

el borracho
03-31-2008, 10:33 AM
9 months later the table gave birth to a baby girl and named her, "Patty O'Furniture."

Simply Red
03-31-2008, 01:02 PM
I'm guessing it's `stained`

seclark
04-01-2008, 12:55 PM
scoreboard table f@cker.

"Charges against Art Price Jr., 40, the Bellevue, Ohio man allegedly caught on video having sex with a picnic table behind his home, were dismissed Monday in Bellevue Municipal Court. However, that's because, according to Huron County prosecutor Russell Leffler, the crime didn't deserve a felony count. Lesser charges may still be filed."
http://www.topix.com/forum/city/bellevue-oh/TI3PFGTLARJ7S2ET7