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Gonzo
03-31-2008, 05:35 PM
A friend of mine is on the big bird back to the states today. Before he left Iraq, he sent me some Deployment Rules I thought I should share with you. These are pretty funny...



Here is something else Iíve been doing to pass time. It is a short list of rules that Iíll keep adding to throughout the deployment. These are lessons that I have learned over the course of 3 deployments.


- Do not taunt Iraqi kids with cheeseburgers during Ramadan.

- If you do, do not look back at the soldier filming the incident and say,
"Itís funny because they canít have one!" Especially when your Commander will eventually see the video.

- Laying in bed jerking off while staring at your sleeping roomate to make
sure he doesnít wake up and catch you is not gay.

- Staring at him hoping he does, is gay.

- "Okay, weíre gonna go out and do some things, then some shit, and if we
have time weíll do some other stuff." can be a proper combat patrol brief.

- Patrolling with a dead cat taped to your Rhino system (long thing that sticks straight out the front of the humvee) is not a bad idea, unless the cat has been in the sun for a while before hand.

- When your Command Sergeant Major asks you where your First Sergeant is, "I give up, where is he?" is NOT the correct answer.

- Putting "Jedi Knight" on your dog tags as your religeon is frowned upon.

- Punishing one of your squads for drinking by only allowing them to do
two short patrols a day around the city because you say you canít trust
them is not seen as punishment by that squad.

- Giving Iraqi kids candy via wrist rocket is effective, but not necissarily
recommended.

- Throwing one Jolly Rancher into a group of 10 or more Iraqi kids is funny.

- Rubbing cheetah blood on something will not make it faster, so donít
suggest it, your leadership will get annoyed.

- Doing 11 push-ups, 11 sit-ups, and your 2 mile run in just under 40 minutes
on your PT test because someone said you wouldnít makes your First Sergeant angry.

- Telling your Battalion Commander that your plates arenít in your vest because theyíre a sensitive item is not a valid arguement when youíve left your rifle in
the truck.

- If youíre a CAV unit leaving mobilization training just before the Infantry unit
youíre with, it is recommended that you donít leave anything behind thatís
red and white, unless you want it painted blue.

- Hiding that youíre taking a quick nap in the gun turret is okay, but
drooling on your TC will get you caught everytime.

- If the trainers at mobilization training give you a suggestion that you disagree with during a training excercise, some appropriate responses could be:
"Iíll take that under advisement."
"Thatís a good technique."
"Iíll bring that up in the AAR."
Telling them to "**** off" is rarely correct.

- Using the above suggestions on your First Sergeant after he was the one to give you these options is not advised, he will know what you really mean to say is, "**** off."

- Sneaking up on someone and covering their mouth before they can say "No"
is still considered rape, not "surprise sex." Even if you add, "Surprise!
Iím inside you!" to it.

- When youíre setting a rat trap, put the bait on first, then set the trap.
Not the other way around.

- Easter is the celebration of Jesusís reserection, not erection. (Not really rule, but good to remember for any social situation.)

mdstu
03-31-2008, 07:34 PM
-When prick Sergeant Major yells at you for wearing gloves on M16 range and 10 minutes latter he walks by and you are wearing them again. "Oh, I thought you were kidding" usually doesn't fly.

alanm
03-31-2008, 08:20 PM
Good stuff.. Thanks.

a1na2
03-31-2008, 08:27 PM
I'd like to see the actual, original, Army generated list.

I spent quite a bit of time dealing with the what not to do's in foreign places while I was in the Navy and we never, ever, had anything that could even be construed as a joke that read like that.