PDA

View Full Version : NFL Draft ***Official Vernon Gholston Facts Thread***


'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 05:36 PM
The Angel who impregnated Mary during the Immaculate Conception had to deal with Vernon Gholston's sloppy seconds.

I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.

He sheds his skin once a year.

He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Gholston."

Gholston once ate a whole live chicken.

They use Gholston's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at the Horseshoe in Columbus.

Mr. T, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Vernon Gholston are standing in front of God. God says to them,"I have call you three here because you are the greatest fighters in the world and I have a place for one of you at my right hand. You must prove to me whom of you it shall be." Mr. T steps and says "I pity the fool who doesn't let me sit at His right hand." God tells him that he was not good enough and sends Mr. T to hell. Arnold steps up and says "I was in predator, commando, the terminator. You must choose the governator." God tells him not good enough and sends Arnold to hell. God turns to Vernon Gholston and says "Why should you sit beside me?" Gholston quickly proceeds to blitz God from the blindside, and decleat his ass. Gholston then said, "Bitch, you're in my seat."

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 05:42 PM
Gholston once sneezed, they called it Hurricane Katrina

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 05:43 PM
Once while having sex in a trailer, Gholston's sperm accidentally got into the engine; you might know this trailer as Optimus Prime.

KurtCobain
04-25-2008, 05:45 PM
Gholston ****ed my mom last night.

And my girlfriend. While I videotaped the whole thing and whacked off.


He also ****ed my sister. I videotaped that too.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 05:47 PM
NASA had a problem launching their space shuttles, that same day Gholston felt like playing kickball and decided to smack the craft to the moon. Neil Armstrong thanked him afterward.

KurtCobain
04-25-2008, 05:48 PM
Gholston's poo tastes like skittles.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 05:50 PM
Gholston went back in time and pre-seeded the line that produced Carrie Underwood.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 05:51 PM
"Mr. Fusion" that powered the DeLorean in Back to the Future was not from 2015. It was molded from Gholston's afterbirth.

KurtCobain
04-25-2008, 05:52 PM
Gholston ****ed Carrie Underwood while goatboy wacked off in tears.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 05:52 PM
Gholston can't get haircuts, trimmers can't cut adamatium.

KurtCobain
04-25-2008, 05:53 PM
Gholston has three penises.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 05:53 PM
Gholston's feces is used as currency in Argentina.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 05:55 PM
Gholston beat the sun in a staring contest.

Gholston didnt wet the bed as a child, his bed wet itself out of fear for Gholston.

Gholston CAN divide by 0

Gholston can smell what "The Rock" is cookin.

LMAO

OnTheWarpath58
04-25-2008, 05:55 PM
Gholston ate a 50oz steak on his visit with the Rams, and finished before those pussy Long boys finished their 30oz -ers.


No, really. It happened,

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/columnists.nsf/berniemiklasz/story/549B854F568F3E0586257430001001E6?OpenDocument

Rams VP of personnel Billy Devaney told us that when the team took draft prospects Vernon Gholston, Chris Long and Jake Long to dinner last Sunday, Gholston devoured a 50-ounce cut of steak. The Longs settled for 30-ounce steaks. An impressed Devaney added that Gholston finished before everyone else at the table. ...

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 05:56 PM
Gholston ****ed Carrie Underwood while goatboy wacked off in tears.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 05:57 PM
Gholston ate a 50oz steak on his visit with the Rams, and finished before those pussy Long boys finished their 30oz -ers.


No, really. It happened,

http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/columnists.nsf/berniemiklasz/story/549B854F568F3E0586257430001001E6?OpenDocument

:hail:

"welp all done..." .... "no your not" .... "what? all thats left is bone and grissle(sp)" LMAO!!!!

rad
04-25-2008, 05:57 PM
Osama Bin Laden is still at large mainly because Vernon Gholston is awesome at hiding bodies.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 05:57 PM
The Shourd of Christ was originally Gholston's baby blanket, they just severely missed spelt the original owner's name when they came across it.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 05:59 PM
Skynet sent 50 Terminators back in time to kill Gholston as a toddler. He used their femurs as toothpicks. Upon finding that they weren't strong enough, Gholston later sold the Terminators to scrap metal recyclers in the Detroit area.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:00 PM
Gholston was having sex with 10,000 Supermodels, Playboy playmates, and Pornstars at once. When he came Southeast Asia was never the same do to the massive flooding and Tsunami's

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:01 PM
Gholston won the Iditarod with a field mouse and a three legged burro.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 06:02 PM
Gholston ****ed Carrie Underwood while goatboy wacked off in tears.

AND I LIKED IT!

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:03 PM
Gholston scored infinity on the Wonderlic. He filled out the answer sheet with the preserved blood of Russian Czars. He used Teddy Roosevelt's penis as his pen.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:04 PM
One day Gholston decided to jog in the wilderness, he now has 20 bears, 30 wolverines, 50 Tigers, 40 Lions, and 60 Killer Whales as loyal pets.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:09 PM
Al Capone's Vault is Gholston's lunchbox.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:12 PM
There are 25 organized religions based on Gholstons life.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:14 PM
Diamonds are created when Gholston rubs charcoal briquets between his palms.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:17 PM
If Gholston's sweats, it can destroy the earth and its atmosphere.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:18 PM
Gholston shot a 28 at Winged Foot with the corpse of a pelican and the ribs from a 5 year old sheep as his golf clubs.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:23 PM
When the U.N. was created they had to get Gholston's approval first or it would've dissolved just by sheer power of Gholston's thinking that the said countries never existed

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:26 PM
The Pyramids of Giza are stacks of Gholston's childhood domino sets.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:30 PM
Once Gholston met the Devil in Georgia. Lucifer's now his shitlicking chauffeur

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:34 PM
The term "genocide" was invented when onlookers saw Gholston blitz into a max protect package.

Dicky McElephant
04-25-2008, 06:34 PM
Gholston is so great....that even he thinks this thread is the ghey.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:36 PM
United States defense department is waiting s to attain Gholston's urine so they can create the ulimate nuclear bomb

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 06:43 PM
When they were grinding up dinosaur bones to get DNA samples for Jurassic Park, they compared Vernon Gholston's DNA with everything. Gholston matched up with the T-Rex.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:48 PM
Ezekiel 25:17 was written about offensive linemen's attempts to block Gholston

Gholston bobs for apples in black holes

Gholston is not allowed to run for more than 40 meters, because if he does, he travels beyond the speed of light and actually moves back in time, thus incurring an offsides penalty.

Gholston's mother was prohibited from breastfeeding him, because the suction from Gholston would cause the entire universe to collapse upon itself.

Gholston weighed in at 450 pounds at the combine, but 185 were antimatter.

Gholston invented concrete because he didn't find Grape Nuts to be a sufficiently crunchy cereal.

KCChiefsMan
04-25-2008, 06:51 PM
Gholston has beat Tiger Woods in 18 holes by only using a sand wedge.

melbar
04-25-2008, 06:53 PM
Hopefully this thread will allow you guys to get all this homo-erotic love for VG out of your systems so you can begin discussing the draft rationally again...

KCChiefsMan
04-25-2008, 06:53 PM
Drinking 1 oz of Gholston's semen will add 20 years onto your life.

eazyb81
04-25-2008, 06:54 PM
Drinking 1 oz of Gholston's semen will add 20 years onto your life.

Do you know from experience?

:D

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 06:54 PM
Hopefully this thread will allow you guys to get all this homo-erotic love for VG out of your systems so you can begin discussing the draft rationally again...

melbar doesn't know it, but Gholston killed him 10 hours ago knowing that he would post this.

Tribal Warfare
04-25-2008, 06:56 PM
The Justice League wanted Gholston join but his response was "you guys are a bunch of pussies". They settled to have Superman instead

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 07:08 PM
Gholston was Reagan's Star Wars program.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:03 PM
melbar doesn't know it, but Gholston killed him 10 hours ago knowing that he would post this.

LMAO LMAO LMAO ROFL .. dude i cant breath from laughing so hard@!

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:06 PM
Gholston counted to infinity...TWICE!

Ultra Peanut
04-25-2008, 10:07 PM
He is THE MOST ELECTRIFYING DEFENSIVE END IN SPORTS AND ENTERTAINMENT TODAY!

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:10 PM
When Gholston was a child he put razor blades in his own Halloween candy because he was worried he might have an iron deficiency.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:10 PM
Gholston can sneeze with his eyes open.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:12 PM
Gholston can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.


Gholston doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:14 PM
Gholston once charged the mound after hitting a homerun off of God in a father-son game.

KcMizzou
04-25-2008, 10:15 PM
Gholston once charged the mound after hitting a homerun off of God in a father-son game.LMAO

Now that's impressive.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:17 PM
Gholston beat Rickson via armbar

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:18 PM
Gholston once bowled a 300 in 7 frames.

eazyb81
04-25-2008, 10:20 PM
Gholston can eat two dozen Hooter's wings and not have the shits the next morning.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:21 PM
Gholston runs an illegal Mike Vick fighting ring.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:24 PM
Gholston used to be a high school punter, but he was barred from participating after he intentionally let an edge rusher attempt to block his punt. He decapitated the rusher on the follow through after punting the ball three counties.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:26 PM
Gholston molds plastic explosives into disposable flatware for his weekly excursions culling souls from the River Styx.

SBK
04-25-2008, 10:26 PM
Gholston took a urine test and the doctor informed him he had an extremely high level of steroids in his urine. To which Gholston replied, "duh, what do you think they make steroids out of?"

markk
04-25-2008, 10:27 PM
The children at the Yearning for Zion sect are the result of Vernon Gholston having a 20 minute layover at DFW. When he was 9.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:30 PM
Gholston won the 1998 homerun derby with a dowel rod.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:35 PM
The heat-resistant shielding on the Space Shuttle is made from Gholston's sloughed off epidermis.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 10:36 PM
The heat-resistant shielding on the Space Shuttle is made from Gholston's sloughed off epidermis.

Along those same lines, when Gholston was a baby, he was circumcised. His foreskin was stretched in a laboratory and will someday replace the ozone layer.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:38 PM
Gholston has a trophy case of the spinal columns of offensive linemen who tried to cut block him.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 10:39 PM
Gholston has a trophy case of the spinal columns of offensive linemen who tried to cut block him.

Seen in Predator 2.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:41 PM
Gholston once terrified tourists in Las Vegas by tearing the throat out of Montecore the Tiger during his 5*-rated variety show. He did it while juggling bowling balls that held the skulls of former presidents.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:42 PM
Seen in Predator 2.

Ironically, the Predator can't see Gholston.

xbarretx
04-25-2008, 10:46 PM
Gholston beat god in a game of "steal the bacon" and the bacon used for the game was a 1000 lb football

http://img88.imageshack.us/img88/2484/gholstonmw8.jpg

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-25-2008, 10:50 PM
The Japanese laughed after we dropped the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. They immediately surrendered when we sent them a picture of Gholston's DNA sequence.

the Talking Can
04-25-2008, 10:53 PM
Gholston's blood type is 'Gholston'.

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 10:55 PM
Ironically, the Predator can't see Gholston.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

http://photo.the-ozone.net/photos/2007_2008/Football/07-09-01-FB-0080.jpg

Count Alex's Losses
04-25-2008, 11:11 PM
Defensive end Vernon Gholston will hear his name called Saturday not long after the National Football League draft commences. However, a shocking number of personnel people have no idea why.

In their opinion, Gholston is the most overrated top player in the draft.

"He's Mike Mamula," a personnel director for an NFC team said last week. "Let's say there's 44 plays. On 42 of them he's doing nothing."

Them's fighting words, sort of like labeling a player in Green Bay as the next Jamal Reynolds.

Mamula tested out like a demon at the combine in 1995 and catapulted all the way to the Philadelphia Eagles' seventh selection. An undersized pass rusher with a 38-inch vertical jump, he ran 40 yards in 4.61 seconds, broad-jumped 10 feet 5 inches and bench-pressed 225 pounds 26 times.

In the hours and weeks that followed, some scouts compared Mamula to Richard Dent, others to Charles Haley, Dexter Manley and Chris Doleman. But when Mamula's pedestrian career with the Eagles came to a close six years later, those who derisively dismissed him as a "workout wonder" had been proved right.

Gholston has a lot more going for him coming out of Ohio State than Mamula did out of Boston College. He had 14 sacks as a fourth-year junior for the nation's top-rated defense, and 8{ the year before that.

Obviously, there are football people who hold the 6-foot-3, 263-pound Gholston in the highest regard.

"I love Gholston," said Bill Polian, president of the Indianapolis Colts. "Size, speed, flexibility, bore, natural pass rush, tough as nails. He's an aggressive, kill-you football player. He and Chris Long are just so overwhelming, just such perfect players."

The momentum for Gholston also gained steam at the combine in February. He went from room to room backstage at the RCA Dome, doing 15-minute interviews dressed in a three-piece suit the cut of which isn't often seen on football players.

"Very impressive," an AFC personnel director recalled. "He was all business. Very classy person."

Gholston, a graduate of Cass Tech in Detroit, is smart, too, evidenced by his score of 21 on the Wonderlic intelligence test.

A day later, Gholston benched 37 times and had jumps of 35{ inches (vertical) and 10-5 (broad). Two weeks later, he improved his vertical to an astronomical 42. His 40 time was 4.6 flat.

On tape, there was a lot to like. One personnel man for an AFC team who is notorious for being hard to please voted for him as the best player in the draft and compared him to the Colts' Dwight Freeney.

"He's got the same first step as Freeney and he's bigger and stronger," the scout said. "He doesn't play the run well now and he doesn't play hard all the time, but he can do whatever he wants to do."

ClevelandBronco
04-25-2008, 11:20 PM
...Gholston, a graduate of Cass Tech in Detroit, is smart, too, evidenced by his score of 21 on the Wonderlic intelligence test...

http://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showpost.php?p=4708721&postcount=22

The perfect score of 21 in the Wonderlic was established by Gholston's performance.

Ultra Peanut
04-25-2008, 11:46 PM
I like having kill-you defensive ends, but I guess some people are askeered that he'll only maul the opposition rather than permanently disable them.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 11:38 AM
Gholston invented HDTV because he got tired of people not being able to see the blood spatter from quarterbacks he sacked.

Tribal Warfare
04-26-2008, 11:41 AM
Gholston created Noah's ark out of a splinter

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 11:42 AM
Gholston won the 1991 World Series of Poker without any chips.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 11:44 AM
Gholston's mom bought him a slingshot for his 7th birthday. You may remember the results as Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9.

boogblaster
04-26-2008, 11:45 AM
Gholston ass-humped Underwood.. then bitch-slaped goathump for watchin' ...

Tribal Warfare
04-26-2008, 11:47 AM
Gholston's mom bought him a slingshot for his 7th birthday. You may remember the results as Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9.



Gholston was the pioneer of modern day medicine, because he kills or severely wounds people by the force of the jet stream that follows him when he walks by someone.

Gonzo
04-26-2008, 11:56 AM
Gholston uses 8X10 sheets of plywood for toilet paper.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 01:19 PM
A computer programmer put Gholston into Tecmo Bowl. As a sign of deference, Bo Jackson immediately gave the AI Gholston fellatio.

Bowser
04-26-2008, 01:22 PM
Gholston would have won the six day war, by himself, in three days.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 01:23 PM
Gholston's VORP is infinity+1.

Coach
04-26-2008, 01:23 PM
If you have five dollars and Gholston has five dollars, Gholston has more money than you do.

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 01:25 PM
The Dolphins passed on Gholston in the draft due to pressure from local sharks, who were concerned about the possibility for "Gholston Attacks" should he visit South Beach.

Mr. Flopnuts
04-26-2008, 01:25 PM
Gholston's feces is used as currency in Argentina.

LMAO Winner winner live chicken dinner!

'Hamas' Jenkins
04-26-2008, 01:25 PM
Gholston's nickname for Rocco Siffredi is "needle dick".

Coach
04-26-2008, 01:26 PM
Vernon Gholston destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Bowser
04-26-2008, 01:27 PM
VerrrnAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNNNN GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLSton!!!!!





At least he has chicken.