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View Full Version : Life I'm cohabitating... would appreciate any advice.


Direckshun
05-02-2008, 09:15 AM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.

StcChief
05-02-2008, 09:17 AM
Just say no..... give her a drawer, little closet space, toothbrush....

seclark
05-02-2008, 09:17 AM
make sure she knows to raise the seat back up after she's finished.
sec

Direckshun
05-02-2008, 09:18 AM
Just say no..... give her a drawer, little closet space, toothbrush....

make sure she knows to raise the seat back up after she's finished.
sec
If only we still had tags.

Vegas_Dave
05-02-2008, 09:18 AM
Don't.

Basically, she will take over your place and you have only yourself to blame. Plus, you cannot ask her to leave post-lovin or post-argument.

Pestilence
05-02-2008, 09:19 AM
I'll be doing the same thing as you.....but further down the road.

Radar Chief
05-02-2008, 09:20 AM
Best advice I have for you is don't ask for love life advise on the Planet.

Direckshun
05-02-2008, 09:21 AM
Best advice I have for you is don't ask for love life advise on the Planet.
:thumb:

shakesthecat
05-02-2008, 09:21 AM
Make sure she signs up for her own ChiefsPlanet user account.

Saggysack
05-02-2008, 09:22 AM
What ever you do, never come home and say "honey, your breath smells like pure ass."

That didn't go over to well.

Brock
05-02-2008, 09:24 AM
Why are you doing this?

Dartgod
05-02-2008, 09:26 AM
i dont think ur boyfriend will be too happy if u have a girl living with u
Speaking from experience?

Demonpenz
05-02-2008, 09:27 AM
jizz in her noxema bottle

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 09:28 AM
What ever you do, never come home and say "honey, your breath smells like pure ass."

That didn't go over to well.

On that note, don't ever come home and left her smell your dik either.

Stinger
05-02-2008, 09:30 AM
Have plenty of this on hand

http://www.euromast.biz/erg/catalog/images/antifreeze_permanent_type_4l.jpg

Man this place is slipping

booyaf2
05-02-2008, 09:37 AM
first in with "Print Em!"

ChiefsCountry
05-02-2008, 09:41 AM
I wouldn't do it dude. For the ones I have seen work, I have seen twice as many fail.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 09:46 AM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.

Two words: Mutual respect.

It's the fundamental underpinning that has worked for us for many years.

If you're in MO, you don't have to be concerned about common-law marriage. However it is possible (and entirely voluntary) on the Kansas side. Also, if you decide to cohabitate long-term without getting that piece of paper, legal and medical proxies are also something to consider, but you had better be DAMN sure first.

That said, you've got a long way to go before that becomes a concern. Good luck to you both.

Fried Meat Ball!
05-02-2008, 09:49 AM
Never let her smell yo dick.


In all seriousness, don't take things too seriously.

Fish
05-02-2008, 09:49 AM
Hide your porn well...

Create a safe room for yourself..... i.e. tool shed, garage, game room, etc. Do it soon before she turns it into a sewing room....

Chest Rockwell
05-02-2008, 09:51 AM
Sinner.

Ok, now that that's out of the way mutual respect is good advice.

Expect everything to be 1,000 times harder than you would expect. It's going to be a big adjustment for both of you.

As much as possible, when there's a disagreement, try not to take things personally, and do not make them personal.

Bacon Cheeseburger
05-02-2008, 09:52 AM
Make sure only her name is on the lease.

Hoover
05-02-2008, 09:53 AM
I've never done it. But my friends who have done have not had the best of luck in doing it. Basically its like being married, but every argument centers around her moving out.

I had a chick who wanted to move in with me. I broke it off then and there.

Fried Meat Ball!
05-02-2008, 09:54 AM
Sinner.

Ok, now that that's out of the way mutual respect is good advice.

Expect everything to be 1,000 times harder than you would expect. It's going to be a big adjustment for both of you.

As much as possible, when there's a disagreement, try not to take things personally, and do not make them personal.
In addition: fight fair.

At some point you'll argue. Don't bring up things from the past.

Brock
05-02-2008, 09:56 AM
I've never done it. But my friends who have done have not had the best of luck in doing it. Basically its like being married, but every argument centers around her moving out.

I had a chick who wanted to move in with me. I broke it off then and there.

This is the thread winner. Either get married or don't.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 09:56 AM
In addition: fight fair.

At some point you'll argue. Don't bring up things from the past.

Yep. It's a partnership. Try to make it a contest, and it'll go down in flames. JMO.

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 09:57 AM
In addition: fight fair.



That means letting her select her weapon of choice first.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 10:03 AM
One other piece of advice. Remember this in case of emergency:

http://b.imagehost.org/0646/andycapp2091690080429.gif

:)

kaplin42
05-02-2008, 10:05 AM
I just did this last summer. And after 9 months I can tell you that for me, it's great. Some of the things are true in this thread. She will take over the place, so make a room that is yours, and tell her that she gets the entire place, just not this room.

Also communication is the best thing you can have. Neither of us believe that house work is "women's work". So we both contribute to keeping the place up. The biggest thing for me was that she would ask if I could do something (dishes for instance) and then get upset because I wasn't doing them the way she wanted. I was very clear with her after her first time of her freaking out, that she can ask and I will be happy to help. But she can't have me do something and stand over my shoulder while I do it. Either let me do it my way, or do it yourself. After that, things have been great.

If you're gonna do it though, you have to be able to communicate. Which doesn't mean yelling and screaming. You have to be able to talk to her, and her with you. Other wise you're just setting yourself up for misery.

Phobia
05-02-2008, 10:13 AM
Neither of us believe that house work is "women's work". So we both contribute to keeping the place up.

Could you come over clean our place, please? Feel free to bring your husband along.

Silock
05-02-2008, 10:16 AM
Say good-bye to your relationship plans for the future. Most cohabitating relationships don't survive the first year, and of those who go on to get married, they have a much higher divorce rate than those who did not previously cohabitate.

Rooster
05-02-2008, 10:16 AM
Thanks in advance.

I know one thing for sure. Do not under any circumstances have Roger Clemens over to your house.:evil:

Hoover
05-02-2008, 10:17 AM
Neither of us believe that house work is "women's work". .

So you do them all I bet :D

How are the whip marks on your back?

JK :D:D

Fat Elvis
05-02-2008, 10:19 AM
Make sure you both have a VERY CLEAR understanding of how your money works. In other words, who is responsible for what bills, how those bills are split. If one of you makes significantly more money than the other, will there be jealousy if you split the bills equally since one of you will have more left over money to do the things you want to do? Will you loan money to each other? Will you have a "community pot?"

How is the space to be divided up? Are you moving in with her/him, and if so, how much leeway does the movee have in personalizing the new space? People are very territorial creatures; sometimes it is best to find a new place together so you start with fresh boundaries.

How will your time be spent? It is all lovey dovey romantic at first and then your significant other becomes human again and you will want time away from them (and they from you). Can both of you deal with that reality? What about significant dates such as holidays or family get togethers? Are either of you obligated to attend family functions of the other--especially if you HATE their nutjob families?

It isn't easy. Heck, as far as I'm concerned, it is even harder than marriage--at least in marriage, you have the (supposedly) stated committment to each other. Small things will piss both people off over time; do you have what it takes to make it through those rough times? On the other hand, if living together turns out to be a disasterous mistake, it is a whole lot easier to get out of the situation.

Best of luck. You'll need it.

Braincase
05-02-2008, 10:24 AM
When you are wrong, she'll tell you you're wrong. Admit you're wrong, even if you know you're right.

When she's wrong, keep your mouth shut. Let her figure out she's wrong, and don't ever say "I told you so."

blueballs
05-02-2008, 10:25 AM
make it clear
If she slips and falls on your jiz in the shower
she only has her self to blame

kaplin42
05-02-2008, 10:26 AM
Could you come over clean our place, please? Feel free to bring your husband along.


Sure thing. And right afterwards, I expect your wife to put out, and then make me a sandwhich.

Nothing's for free sir.



Seriously though, I expected these remarks from some on here. Some of you have to be old enough to have been involved in WWII, and thus come from old school ways. And I whole heartidly agree that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can put them down to put 'em out of their (my) misery.

Silock
05-02-2008, 10:31 AM
at least in marriage, you have the (supposedly) stated committment to each other

It's not just supposed. Studies have shown that people in cohabitating relationships are much less committed to the relationship, on average, than married people. It's why they're less likely to stick it out when things get tough and break up, and why they're more likely to cheat.

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 10:42 AM
It's not just supposed. Studies have shown that people in cohabitating relationships are much less committed to the relationship, on average, than married people. It's why they're less likely to stick it out when things get tough and break up, and why they're more likely to cheat.

Exactly. There's nothing holding the two together, no formal commitment. It's very easy to p.u. your stuff and walk out.

If you do go through with it, nothing but the best of luck to you, but I hope you can see that it may not be in the best interest of your relationship.

Radar Chief
05-02-2008, 10:50 AM
It's not just supposed. Studies have shown that people in cohabitating relationships are much less committed to the relationship, on average, than married people. It's why they're less likely to stick it out when things get tough and break up, and why they're more likely to cheat.

Wow, guess Mrs. Radar and I are the exception then.
We lived together for almost 2 years before I popped the question and will have been married for 10 years in December.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 10:53 AM
Exactly. There's nothing holding the two together, no formal commitment. It's very easy to p.u. your stuff and walk out.

If you do go through with it, nothing but the best of luck to you, but I hope you can see that it may not be in the best interest of your relationship.

I disagree with this in the extreme. Maybe we're an exception, but we've never needed the state or church to validate or strengthen our commitment. Love, Time, Effort, and Mutual Respect have done that. Without those, no piece of paper is going to mean anything at all.

If you consider that "nothing holding us together"...:shrug:...each to their own.

IMO, that piece of paper has absolutely no intrinsic value whatsoever, nor does it add much. All it does is place some legal obstacles if you decide to break up. If you need those as incentive to stay together in the rough times...as I said, each to their own.

jAZ
05-02-2008, 10:58 AM
I was lucky. I found the perfect woman and we moved in together 4-5 months after meeting. Had joint checking accounts and everything almost immediately.

Pick the right person and you have nothing to fear.

StcChief
05-02-2008, 10:59 AM
I was lucky. I found the perfect woman and we moved in together 4-5 months after meeting. Had joint checking accounts and everything almost immediately.

Pick the right person and you have nothing to fear.
one of the lucky ones....

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 11:03 AM
I disagree with this in the extreme. Maybe we're an exception, but we've never needed the state or church to validate or strengthen our commitment. Love, Time, Effort, and Mutual Respect have done that. Without those, no piece of paper is going to mean anything at all.

If you consider that "nothing holding us together"...:shrug:...each to their own.

IMO, that piece of paper has absolutely no intrinsic value whatsoever, nor does it add much. All it does is place some legal obstacles if you decide to break up. If you need those as incentive to stay together in the rough times...as I said, each to their own.

First, congrats to you on your successful relationship.

Second, I'm not saying a piece of paper or some authority is what keeps a relationship together, but as Silock pointed out studies have shown that statistically without the formal commitment this setup is not usually the best long term option. Again, as you said love and respect is what it comes down to in the end.

KCJohnny
05-02-2008, 11:05 AM
Best advice I have for you is don't ask for love life advise on the Planet.

:clap:

Why its a bad idea (http://www.geocities.com/maggi19/sex/cohabitation.htm)

Consider the following excerpts from various studies:

Cohabiting partners "experience significantly more difficulties in subsequent marriages and with issues of adultery, alcohol, drugs, and independence than couples who had not cohabited." Marriages preceded by cohabitation are 50 to 100 percent more likely to break up than those not preceded by cohabitation. (William Axinn and Arland Thornton, "The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?" Demography, Vol. 29, 1992, page 358.)
Of all sexually active people, married couples report being the most physically pleased and emotionally satisfied. (Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, and Edward O. Lauman, Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1994, page 124.)
Cohabiting couples have less healthy relationships than married couples. (Jan E. Stets, "The Link Between Past and Present Intimate Relationships," Journal of Family Issues, 114, 1993, page 251).
Males beating female partners are "at least twice as common among cohabitors as it is among married partners." (Jan E. Stets, "Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Social Isolation," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 53, 1991, pages 669-670)
The number of cases of major depression per 100 people per year: Married and Never Divorced--1.5; Never Married--2.4; Divorced Once--4.1; Cohabiting--5.1; Divorced twice--5.8. (Lee Robins and David Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America: The Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study, New York: Free Press, 1991, page 72.)
A study published in the American Sociological Review found that for couples that cohabit with their future spouses, they explain: "Overall association exists between premarital cohabitation and subsequent marital instability. The dissolution rates of women who cohabit premaritally with their future spouse are, on average, nearly 80 percent higher than the rates of those who do not."
Neil G. Bennett, Ann Blanc Klimas and David E. Bloom, Commitment and the Modern Union: Assessing the Link Between Premarital Cohabitation and Subsequent Marital Stability, American Sociological Review, 1988, p.132.
The University of California, Los Angeles, published research in The Journal of Personality Assessment, that looked at "problem areas" for married couples who did and did not cohabit prior to marriage. The study found the top three problems that distinguished pre-marital cohabitants from non-premarital cohabitants were drunkenness, adultery and drug-abuse (in that order).
Michael D. Newcomb and P.M. Bentler, Assessment of Personality and Demographic Aspects of Cohabitation and Marital Success, Journal of Personality Assessment, 1980, p.16

Brown University and the University of Michigan studying the nest-leaving process found that "only those leaving in conjunction with marriage were truly unlikely to return" to their parents' home. However, "cohabitors were very likely to return home for an extended stay," ibid. The study found 20 percent of cohabitants returned home and only 2 percent of marrieds returned. Goldscheider, et al. conclude that "it is difficult to argue that cohabitors resemble married people," ibid., p. 695.
Frances Goldsheider, Arland Thornton, and Linda Young-DeMarco, A Portrait of the Nest-Leaving Process in Early Adulthood, Demography, 1993, p. 694.
This is only the tip of the ice burg. It's not just religious people who say marriage is better, the actual facts speak for themselves. In truth, most women who live with a man before marriage really believe they will marry him. It is supposed to be a kind of "trial marriage". It seems like a good idea at first but it doesn't really work out that way.
Only one couple in five who lives together before marriage actually ends up getting married.

Not to mention its a mortal sin (6th commandment) which leads to damnation.

keg in kc
05-02-2008, 11:05 AM
Don't go in with any expectations. Meaning don't expect it to work out, but also don't go into it like you're the Chiefs and Gunther Cunningham was just named HC again.

That is to say, neither one of you has any idea what's going to happen, and if you expect everything to be perfect, it'll never live up to that, and if you expect it all to go to shit, you'll make it do just that on a subconscious level.

This has been said already, but it's really the key: communicate. All the time. Not just when there's a fight. And remember you're not only lovers, but (I'm assuming) best friends. Don't take each other for granted (that's harder the longer you live together...); neither one of you's a piece of furniture. Oh, and one last thing: it's not 'your place' or 'her place', it's going to be both of your place, and there's an inherent respect there that you both need to have.

Oh, and one more last thing: make sure you both have some time and space to yourselves. You don't want to (literally) spend every waking moment together, 'cause you'll drive each other f*cking nuts.

Direckshun
05-02-2008, 11:10 AM
Thank you for all the advice.

I expect it to keep coming in this thread, but thanks for the thoughts.

Getting my own "room"/"space" is particularly brilliant. I'll definitely keep that one in mind.

Thanks for all the forewarnings, too.

plbrdude
05-02-2008, 11:12 AM
Either get married or don't.

good advice right there. listen to that man.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 11:13 AM
First, congrats to you on your successful relationship.

Second, I'm not saying a piece of paper or some authority is what keeps a relationship together, but as Silock pointed out studies have shown that statistically without the formal commitment this setup is not usually the best long term option. Again, as you said love and respect is what it comes down to in the end.

Thanks. I'm certainly not saying it's for everyone, but it works for us. One of the first things we decided was we didn't need the state or a church to validate our relationship or decision. I realize not everyone can approach it in that manner, for whatever reason. I'll also say that if we had reproduced, we may have started looking at it differently.

Brock
05-02-2008, 11:17 AM
Not to mention its a mortal sin (6th commandment) which leads to damnation.

Thanks for the view from the coocoo for cocoa puffs part of the world.

Demonpenz
05-02-2008, 11:43 AM
I would advise you to move in with her first. Because if you are married it's alot tougher to get out of the marriage. This way you can see if you guys work and if you don't more fish in the sea and other girls to date.

Arrowhead Pride
05-02-2008, 11:48 AM
I'm doing the same thing Direckshun.

The rules are....there are no rules. Or "correct" advice.

The only thing I can say is you won't always get your way and she won't always get hers. Compromise, fight only the battles that really matter and set the example you want her to follow - do the dishes, take out the trash and pick up after yourself.

Hopefully she'll follow suit.

beach tribe
05-02-2008, 12:05 PM
JUST got mine out, and I could not feel better. Good luck bro. Hope your's is not the psycho mine was. From experience I would have to say that all women are a little crazy. They think way too much.

Like I said good luck. It's gonna be a LONG time before I go down that road again.

alanm
05-02-2008, 12:22 PM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.
Thanks in advance.
You're so f*cked.

kaplin42
05-02-2008, 12:28 PM
I'm doing the same thing Direckshun.

The rules are....there are no rules. Or "correct" advice.

The only thing I can say is you won't always get your way and she won't always get hers. Compromise, fight only the battles that really matter and set the example you want her to follow - do the dishes, take out the trash and pick up after yourself.

Hopefully she'll follow suit.


Careful there man, you're heading down a sure fire way to being called Mr. Mom or some lame shit like that.

angelo
05-02-2008, 12:41 PM
1) You can try to hide your porn but she will find it. If you have anything other than a Victoria's secret catalog pitch it in the trash or you will be up all night. While she alternately sobs and screams at you about your fascination with Bridget the midget and Thai lady boy's or so I here.

2) The first time she asks you to do laundry screw it up big time ( same with making coffee) I have never been asked to do either in ten years.

3) Find one thing that you do well and tell her she never has to do it again. (except for bj's and if your really good at that then why is she moving in. I tend to fall of the couch.)

4) Have separate checking accounts

5) Keep an emergency out fund of $1500-2000 dollars secreted away (if you get married make it $5000) to get out of the relationship quickly.

6) Find a florist a have them randomly send flowers for no reason (never when you have done something wrong)

7) Make sure she has her own room for clothes

8) I have done this three times and the last one has been permanent so far.

9) On the first night as you lay in bed look deeply in her eyes and yank the covers over her head for a dutch oven. (if you haven't already)

crazycoffey
05-02-2008, 12:49 PM
Make sure only her name is on the lease.



Ding ding, we have a winner! Same with all the bills, so when you finally get tired of her bitching and crabbing, you can just grab your suitcase and hit the road.


So much for mutual respect.....

crazycoffey
05-02-2008, 12:51 PM
1) You can try to hide your porn but she will find it. If you have anything other than a Victoria's secret catalog pitch it in the trash or you will be up all night. While she alternately sobs and screams at you about your fascination with Bridget the midget and Thai lady boy's or so I here.

2) The first time she asks you to do laundry screw it up big time ( same with making coffee) I have never been asked to do either in ten years.

3) Find one thing that you do well and tell her she never has to do it again. (except for bj's and if your really good at that then why is she moving in. I tend to fall of the couch.)

4) Have separate checking accounts

5) Keep an emergency out fund of $1500-2000 dollars secreted away (if you get married make it $5000) to get out of the relationship quickly.

6) Find a florist a have them randomly send flowers for no reason (never when you have done something wrong)

7) Make sure she has her own room for clothes

8) I have done this three times and the last one has been permanent so far.



Rep - I love the laundry one....

Hoover
05-02-2008, 12:53 PM
I "do" her laundry once in a while to remind her ehy she needs to do it. Works like a charm.

Silock
05-02-2008, 01:02 PM
Wow, guess Mrs. Radar and I are the exception then.
We lived together for almost 2 years before I popped the question and will have been married for 10 years in December.

Definitely the exception :) Congrats :)

crazycoffey
05-02-2008, 01:03 PM
I was lucky. I found the perfect woman and we moved in together 4-5 months after meeting. Had joint checking accounts and everything almost immediately.

Pick the right person and you have nothing to fear.


what, you bought one of those "real dolls"?


Jaz, really you are right, Direckshun - When you know, you know. If there's a voice behind you saying you're making a mistake, listen to it. Then tell phobia to get out of your house and never ever walk up behind you again....
Unless you liked it, NTTAWWT.

Silock
05-02-2008, 01:05 PM
IMO, that piece of paper has absolutely no intrinsic value whatsoever, nor does it add much. All it does is place some legal obstacles if you decide to break up. If you need those as incentive to stay together in the rough times...as I said, each to their own.

I agree with that.

The fact that cohabitating relationships tend to fail is because of the different nature of the relationship. Each person feels more independent and they develop communication strategies based around that. It tends to be more of a "Is this person good enough for me?" approach than it is a "Am I good enough for this person, or what can I do to be a better partner for them?"

I would seriously advise working on communication. Cohabitating couples don't communicate very well because they're used to the independence aspect of the relationship.

I have a whole Powerpoint presentation complete with research studies and notes if you're REALLY interested in how to give your cohabitating relationship the best possible chance to succeed.

mlyonsd
05-02-2008, 01:10 PM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.



If you truly think it's a dumb thing just show her this thread. I'm guessing the problem will go away.

'Hamas' Jenkins
05-02-2008, 01:20 PM
If my wife and I hadn't lived together before we got married, there is no way that we would have lasted more than six months. I think it's a good way to hit the ground running, and it helps you get used to the quirks and annoyances of another without the full on pressure of marriage.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 01:25 PM
I have a whole Powerpoint presentation complete with research studies and notes if you're REALLY interested in how to give your cohabitating relationship the best possible chance to succeed.

I appreciate the offer, but we after this many years through good times and bad, I think we're OK. :thumb:

Agreed, communication is absolutely a key.

Silock
05-02-2008, 01:31 PM
I appreciate the offer, but we after this many years through good times and bad, I think we're OK. :thumb:

Agreed, communication is absolutely a key.

Sorry, that was for Direckshun :)

beach tribe
05-02-2008, 01:42 PM
If my wife and I hadn't lived together before we got married, there is no way that we would have lasted more than six months. I think it's a good way to hit the ground running, and it helps you get used to the quirks and annoyances of another without the full on pressure of marriage.

Yep, the only reason that stat is so high is because most people get with someone, and even though they can't stand eachother, they think that the only next step is to get married, and maybe their problems will go away.
I was just in this situation, and needless, proud, and happy to say, I am single.

Adept Havelock
05-02-2008, 01:48 PM
Sorry, that was for Direckshun :)

No apologies necessary. Either way, it's kind of you to offer it. It's not an easy road, but no relationship worth having ever is.

Silock
05-02-2008, 01:49 PM
Yep, the only reason that stat is so high is because most people get with someone, and even though they can't stand eachother, they think that the only next step is to get married, and maybe their problems will go away.
I was just in this situation, and needless, proud, and happy to say, I am single.

Actually, that's barely a reason at all. The underlying problem is the insufficient methods of communication due to the individualistic nature of cohabitating relationships.

stumppy
05-02-2008, 01:50 PM
Run Sucker run.

Demonpenz
05-02-2008, 01:52 PM
Run Sucker run.


the simple messages can be the best

Dunit35
05-02-2008, 02:02 PM
Take my advice

Either:

sign the lease as if you're living by yourself or she signs it herself.

DON'T SIGN IT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!

You make think you are in love and that she is the one but 8-9 months later it could be different.

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 02:06 PM
Take my advice

Either:

sign the lease as if you're living by yourself or she signs it herself.

DON'T SIGN IT TOGETHER!!!!!!!!

You make think you are in love and that she is the one but 8-9 months later it could be different.

But that's right when Jr. shows up!

Radar Chief
05-02-2008, 02:18 PM
Definitely the exception :) Congrats :)

Thank you.

Mr. Flopnuts
05-02-2008, 02:18 PM
Your draft analysis is going to go down the shitter.

vailpass
05-02-2008, 02:22 PM
When you feel you have lived together long enough to expand your horizons....make sure you spit on it first.
Don't worry if she fights you at first, she'll be into it once she realizes she can't stop you.

acesn8s
05-02-2008, 02:27 PM
Take all your porn and lay it on your bed. Go to bed completely naked and let her come in and find you in that state. If she stays without bitching she may be a keeper.


It leads to good sex too.







BTW Joie and I are getting married in August after living in mortal sin for 4 years.

crazycoffey
05-02-2008, 02:28 PM
Take all your porn and lay it on your bed. Go to bed completely naked and let her come in and find you in that state. If she stays without bitching she may be a keeper.


It leads to good sex too.



BTW Joie and I are getting married in August after living in mortal sin for 4 years.


And she loves the porn, awesome.....

tmax63
05-02-2008, 05:49 PM
Been living with my lady for 11 years now. I have to say it's all in the mindset, just like marriage. If you go in thinking that if there is problems then one of you can just get the f%^* out, then that is probably what will happen. If you go in thinking that when there's problems you will work them out, then you will as well. For us after 2-3 years we both realized that the other wasn't gonna pack up and leave we developed a lot more trust and a much better relationship. Here in Colorado the common-law laws are such that we were effectively married from the beginning.

Joie
05-02-2008, 05:57 PM
And she loves the porn, awesome.....

I know....I'll be the perfect wife:D

Zebedee DuBois
05-02-2008, 05:58 PM
I would suggest working out some system in advance, like hanging a necktie on the door knob, for when you have a date over.

Logical
05-02-2008, 06:05 PM
Main advice is don't have children.

2nd max 5 years or you will be married in the eyes of the law

Spicy McHaggis
05-02-2008, 06:06 PM
I'm nine months into my first cohabitation. I've learned a few things:

1. Beer signs are apparently not considered "decor"
2. Dirty socks are not to be set on the kitchen counter
3. Apparently if you run out of "food", you go to the grocery store and get more. And not just frozen pizza and tacos. You might argue that a bottle of BBQ sauce, three pieces of bread and week-old Chinese would qualify you as "not out of food". You are wrong.
4. If she won't let you watch a game that you need to see (this is any game) break up with her immediately. You were a fan of that team a lot ****ing longer than you've been a fan of her. If she does enjoy sports, watch them to explaining the nuances of football. This however, will still not prevent her from exlaiming "Look! He's so tiny!!!" every time Maurice-Jones Drew is shown on the screen.
5. You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Joie
05-02-2008, 06:11 PM
I'm nine months into my first cohabitation. I've learned a few things:

1. Beer signs are apparently not considered "decor"
2. Dirty socks are not to be set on the kitchen counter
3. Apparently if you run out of "food", you go to the grocery store and get more. And not just frozen pizza and tacos. You might argue that a bottle of BBQ sauce, three pieces of bread and week-old Chinese would qualify you as "not out of food". You are wrong.
4. If she won't let you watch a game that you need to see (this is any game) break up with her immediately. You were a fan of that team a lot ****ing longer than you've been a fan of her. If she does enjoy sports, watch them to explaining the nuances of football. This however, will still not prevent her from exlaiming "Look! He's so tiny!!!" every time Maurice-Jones Drew is shown on the screen.
5. You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
I take offense!! Most of my sports memorabilia is going to be in my stepdaughter's room because it was "too much". I love frozen pizza, and left to my own devices would probably live off of it and SpaghettiO's. And not only do I love sports, but am now a diehard Chiefs, Royals and Jayhawks fan. Basketball aside, I can generally watch each of these without explanation.

There are perfect women out there, my friends.

Skip Towne
05-02-2008, 06:15 PM
Have you given any thought to being common law married? It can happen easily depending on the state you live in.

The Bad Guy
05-02-2008, 06:26 PM
I've lived with my lady for almost 2 years now. We are getting married in July.

It's great living together.

Two things:

Compromise
Compromise

If you can do that, you can survive.

Buehler445
05-02-2008, 08:16 PM
Hey dude, I'm living with my lady. We're getting married in July.

The first thing I would tell you is don't do it unless you are going to get married. If you think you are getting married, treat it like a marriage. Don't ever think that you would do it differently if you are married.

The critical part of living together is effective communication. I would guess that 95% of fights stem from improper assumptions. Do your best to destroy assumptions, and be wary of making assumptions yourself.

You seem like a sharp fella. Don't be a dumbshit, and remain objective about the situation and you will be fine.

If you have specific questions, feel free to PM me.

stlchiefs
05-02-2008, 08:24 PM
I'm nine months into my first cohabitation. I've learned a few things:

1. Beer signs are apparently not considered "decor"
2. Dirty socks are not to be set on the kitchen counter
3. Apparently if you run out of "food", you go to the grocery store and get more. And not just frozen pizza and tacos. You might argue that a bottle of BBQ sauce, three pieces of bread and week-old Chinese would qualify you as "not out of food". You are wrong.
4. If she won't let you watch a game that you need to see (this is any game) break up with her immediately. You were a fan of that team a lot ****ing longer than you've been a fan of her. If she does enjoy sports, watch them to explaining the nuances of football. This however, will still not prevent her from exlaiming "Look! He's so tiny!!!" every time Maurice-Jones Drew is shown on the screen.
5. You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

This was a great read. ROFL. I loved the Maurice JD part.

UteChief
05-02-2008, 09:22 PM
Don't let her wear one of your tee shirts or sweat shirts or jackets because you will not get them back.

Joie
05-02-2008, 09:25 PM
Don't let her wear one of your tee shirts or sweat shirts or jackets because you will not get them back.

This is true. I'm wearing Aces' bathrobe right now. And "borrow" his shirts often...I like to sleep in them.

acesn8s
05-03-2008, 12:54 AM
This is true. I'm wearing Aces' bathrobe right now. And "borrow" his shirts often...I like to sleep in them.
I was wondering what happened to my clothing.:doh!:

5. You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. Love the Clerks reference.:thumb:

tmax63
05-03-2008, 07:20 AM
I always thought women looked their sexiest when they were wearing my shirt and not much else especially when you'd helped get her clothes dirty in the first place.

Joie
05-03-2008, 09:34 AM
I was wondering what happened to my clothing.:doh!:

It's all hanging on your side of the closet, baby. Except for the sweatshirts that are now mine, and your bathrobe, which once again I'm wearing. o:-)

stlchiefs
05-03-2008, 09:47 AM
Ironically enough I one of my best friends just ended things with his cohabitating gf last night. It'll be interesting to see how they solve everything. Last night he went to sleep at his moms house so they weren't in the same place. Now he has to figure out how to get her out of the place. His biggest problem is that she was living with her grandparents before they moved in together and when moving out told them my friend and her were getting married to quell their worries. :) He pretty much paid for the place and other expenses of hers while she's been in school so she doesn't really have a place to go. This one's going to get interesting.

ChiefsFire
05-03-2008, 09:55 AM
Ironically enough I one of my best friends just ended things with his cohabitating gf last night. It'll be interesting to see how they solve everything. Last night he went to sleep at his moms house so they weren't in the same place. Now he has to figure out how to get her out of the place. His biggest problem is that she was living with her grandparents before they moved in together and when moving out told them my friend and her were getting married to quell their worries. :) He pretty much paid for the place and other expenses of hers while she's been in school so she doesn't really have a place to go. This one's going to get interesting.

Is she hot?

I got a free bed.

Joie
05-03-2008, 10:04 AM
Is she hot?

I got a free bed.

Did you not read his post? It ain't free.....you'll be paying all of her expenses while she goes to school.

ChiefsFire
05-03-2008, 10:09 AM
Did you not read his post? It ain't free.....you'll be paying all of her expenses while she goes to school.

Yes I read it....

So she will use alil hot water and some electricity...

I will through an egg mcmuffin or some mac and cheese at her once in awhile.

Its a hand up not a handout...

Baby Lee
05-03-2008, 10:42 AM
Love the Clerks reference.:thumb:
Thanks for dereferencing the reference before I could get my 'thirty-seven dicks!!!' line. :cuss:

Calcountry
05-03-2008, 11:05 AM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.If she has a sister, flirt with her big time.

banyon
05-03-2008, 01:14 PM
Have you given any thought to being common law married? It can happen easily depending on the state you live in.

Bad idea. Common law married still means you may need a real divorce, especially if kids are involved.

jAZ
05-03-2008, 02:55 PM
This is only the tip of the ice burg. It's not just religious people who say marriage is better, the actual facts speak for themselves. In truth, most women who live with a man before marriage really believe they will marry him. It is supposed to be a kind of "trial marriage". It seems like a good idea at first but it doesn't really work out that way.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]
Only one couple in five who lives together before marriage actually ends up getting married.

Not to mention its a mortal sin (6th commandment) which leads to damnation.

Success of cohabitation and marriage is a reflection of personal emotional maturity. If you are an emotional adult, who's entering the search for a partner with open eyes, and a desire to make healthy, selfless sacrifices, then you will be far more likely to find someone who has a similar world view.

Those two people will work hard to learn how to have a healthy relationship, no matter what religion dictates, or scholars study. Picking the right person for you is critical and it takes time and a personal willingness to be open and honest about who you are, where you are in your life and what your expectations in a relationship are. And most importantly, it requires a willingness to be alone as you take a pass on one wrong person after another. Neediness and desperation, even if only a little, cause so many people to jump into this or that relationship, and hoping it will work out this time.

For me, the right person, seperated herself from everyone else I had dated in such a completely obvious way that it was easy.

I can't speak for all relationships and all people, but my experience tells me that if you have doubts, it's probably not the right situation at the right time.

AustinChief
05-03-2008, 03:50 PM
Not to mention its a mortal sin (6th commandment) which leads to damnation.

um, no. The 6th commandment is against ADULTRY...
Adultery is defined as sexual intercourse between a man and a married woman who is not his wife

What in hell does that have to do with living with a woman?

Unless you use the alternate numbering of the commandments and then #6 is murder... in which case... I haver lived with a few women... and you may be right to warn on that one....

Fairplay
05-03-2008, 04:27 PM
Success of cohabitation and marriage is a reflection of personal emotional maturity. If you are an emotional adult, who's entering the search for a partner with open eyes, and a desire to make healthy, selfless sacrifices, then you will be far more likely to find someone who has a similar world view.

Those two people will work hard to learn how to have a healthy relationship, no matter what religion dictates, or scholars study. Picking the right person for you is critical and it takes time and a personal willingness to be open and honest about who you are, where you are in your life and what your expectations in a relationship are. And most importantly, it requires a willingness to be alone as you take a pass on one wrong person after another. Neediness and desperation, even if only a little, cause so many people to jump into this or that relationship, and hoping it will work out this time.

For me, the right person, seperated herself from everyone else I had dated in such a completely obvious way that it was easy.

I can't speak for all relationships and all people, but my experience tells me that if you have doubts, it's probably not the right situation at the right time.

yeah....yeah.....ZZZzzzzzzz:ZZZ:

keg in kc
05-03-2008, 04:31 PM
I just noticed that my neighbor has a nice ox. I hope God sneezed or something, and I didn't get caught.

Adept Havelock
05-03-2008, 04:33 PM
I just noticed that my neighbor has a nice ox. I hope God sneezed or something, and I didn't get caught.

Would that be Zeus and Company, or the one that thinks you are perfect just as you are?[/Baltar] :p

Stewie
05-03-2008, 05:18 PM
She's looking for a ring. And if you don't produce, you're a deadbeat. You're in a no-win situation.

alanm
05-03-2008, 05:28 PM
ROFLMake sure only her name is on the lease.

cdcox
05-03-2008, 05:38 PM
um, no. The 6th commandment is against ADULTRY...


What in hell does that have to do with living with a woman?




The church has historically interpreted adultry as mentioned in the 6th commandment rather broadly to encompass all sexual sin. This is consistent with the teachings of Jesus:

"But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:28

kstater
05-03-2008, 05:40 PM
I just noticed that my neighbor has a nice ox. I hope God sneezed or something, and I didn't get caught.

You know how I know I currently live in Arkansas? Driving down the highway I saw a goat in the back of a pickup yesterday. Tried to get a cameraphone pic, but was too blurry.

Joie
05-03-2008, 05:44 PM
She's looking for a ring. And if you don't produce, you're a deadbeat. You're in a no-win situation.

Aces and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed. I made it clear I wanted to eventually get married, but he didn't ask until HE was ready to. I strongly suggest all men do the same...you don't want to propose, and then regret it.

kstater
05-03-2008, 05:45 PM
Aces and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed. I made it clear I wanted to eventually get married, but he didn't ask until HE was ready to. I strongly suggest all men do the same...you don't want to propose, and then regret it.

So the short answer to that story was that you were looking for a ring.

Bowser
05-03-2008, 05:56 PM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.



My brother, you love her
But don't give up your instincts
Hang onto you know what
They'll be gone fast as you blink
They're trained to suduce you
Suck you dry quick as they can
They tried to reduce you
Now you're barely a man

Oh my God
How can you deny the flood
That's flowing through you

Hey you
You're saying that she's all that you desire
Liar
Hey you
You think you can throw water on this fire
Liar

It's not wrong to let go
And let the woman ride you
For **** sake, don't lose touch
With the dog that's inside you
She wanted what you had
You bet she smelt the spore
Don't give up, **** her up
One more time, slam that door

Oh my God
How can you deny the flood
That's flowing through you

Hey you
You're saying that she's all that you desire
Liar
Hey you
You think you can throw water on this fire
Liar

Oh my God
How can you deny the flood
That's flowing through you

Hey you
You're saying that she's all that you desire
Liar
Hey you
You think you can throw water on this fire
Liar

Oh my God
How can you deny the flood
That's flowing through you

Delano
05-03-2008, 06:23 PM
So the short answer to that story was that you were looking for a ring.

ROFL

Straight to the point.

Joie
05-03-2008, 06:28 PM
So the short answer to that story was that you were looking for a ring.

Eventually. Had he proposed too soon, however, I would have asked to wait a while.

Spicy McHaggis
05-03-2008, 08:34 PM
Driving down the highway I saw a goat in the back of a pickup yesterday.

Hey, so you guys going to the ragu festival?

stlchiefs
05-03-2008, 09:35 PM
Hey, so you guys going to the ragu festival?

I got ****in no dukes! You better not do that again.

For those that don't know you must listen to this hilarious skit:

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Psyko Tek
05-03-2008, 10:20 PM
living together ...

don't man
just don't
get a dog and a hooker
one will go away when your finished and the other stay no mater what happens

|Zach|
05-03-2008, 10:42 PM
Best of luck to you buddy. Truly.

ClevelandBronco
05-03-2008, 10:50 PM
I'd advise against it entirely, but I'm likely as old as your father.

I guess that you crazy kids are entitled to your own ideas about cohabitation now that you're not under my roof. We certainly all made own mistakes when we were young and...well, let's just leave it as young.

On the other hand, I don't really see any point in getting to know her until you're married. Please don't bring her home for Christmas. You still have a younger sister living here with us and I'd hesitate to send her the message that your mother and I condone this sort of thing. If you do bring her home, you'll understand why we have to put you up in separate bedrooms.

(By the way, you've broken your mother's heart, not that you ever cared about doing that. Not since that 8th grade incident that I swore I'd never mention again — even though you know what I'm referring to — but she's crying about that and trying to rock herself to sleep right now wondering how she failed to instill all women's crying need for permanent, unconditional love in your sorry ass.)

I hope all is well,

Your Other Dad

acesn8s
05-04-2008, 01:29 AM
Thanks for dereferencing the reference before I could get my 'thirty-seven dicks!!!' line. :cuss:
THIRTYSEVEN?!?

Skip the 37 dicks joke and go right for the snowball joke.

KcMizzou
05-04-2008, 01:37 AM
I'd advise against it entirely, but I'm likely as old as your father.

I guess that you crazy kids are entitled to your own ideas about cohabitation now that you're not under my roof. We certainly all made own mistakes when we were young and...well, let's just leave it as young.

On the other hand, I don't really see any point in getting to know her until you're married. Please don't bring her home for Christmas. You still have a younger sister living here with us and I'd hesitate to send her the message that your mother and I condone this sort of thing. If you do bring her home, you'll understand why we have to put you up in separate bedrooms.

(By the way, you've broken your mother's heart, not that you ever cared about doing that. Not since that 8th grade incident that I swore I'd never mention again even though you know what I'm referring to but she's crying about that and trying to rock herself to sleep right now wondering how she failed to instill all women's crying need for permanent, unconditional love in your sorry ass.)

I hope all is well,

Your Other DadAre you sure you're not my dad?

ClevelandBronco
05-04-2008, 01:54 AM
Are you sure you're not my dad?

I'm available for anyone who's missing a father. How's that?

I'll post a resume if anyone needs one.

J Diddy
05-04-2008, 02:35 AM
just be prepared

for you don't know what

nonetheless, be prepared

J Diddy
05-04-2008, 02:37 AM
I'm available for anyone who's missing a father. How's that?

I'll post a resume if anyone needs one.

sweet

will be sending a formal bill for past due child support

knew I could count on ya pops

:thumb:

ClevelandBronco
05-04-2008, 02:50 AM
sweet

will be sending a formal bill for past due child support

knew I could count on ya pops

:thumb:

Uh-oh.

KcMizzou
05-04-2008, 02:54 AM
sweet

will be sending a formal bill for past due child support

knew I could count on ya pops

:thumb:LMAO

You're an "idea" man.

J Diddy
05-04-2008, 03:08 AM
Uh-oh.


oh I see

gonna run out, huh?

you were never there for me:grr:

J Diddy
05-04-2008, 03:09 AM
LMAO

You're an "idea" man.


:shady:

pst play along I'll cut you in


:shake:

Demonpenz
05-04-2008, 10:50 AM
Aces and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed. I made it clear I wanted to eventually get married, but he didn't ask until HE was ready to. I strongly suggest all men do the same...you don't want to propose, and then regret it.

no one ever at anytimes regrets it

chagrin
05-04-2008, 11:33 AM
Never get married unless you have a plan for divorce, same applies with cohabitating

luv
05-04-2008, 12:57 PM
I'm actually thinking about moving in with someone myself. Kind of nervous. My mom and her boyfriend have lived together for over 10 years. Neither has the desire to get married. It's worked for them. I think you just have to know where you're going in your relationship by doing this. AS long as you're on the same page with the same expectations, then all should go fairly well.

Good luck and enjoy!

StcChief
05-04-2008, 01:17 PM
Good luck LUV, everything happens for a reason, I just hope your not in the 2/3 major of failures.

R&GHomer
05-04-2008, 01:19 PM
I haven't read through every post, but don't listen to half of these ass hat's. Just make sure you really care enough about her, because a relationship changes when you live together. Talk to her and make sure you're in agreement on things. Ie.. who takes out the trash, mops the floors, cleans the garage etc...

Good luck

The Bad Guy
05-04-2008, 01:46 PM
Anyone who says "You shouldn't really get to know your spouse until you are married," is a ****ing clown.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with living together before marriage. You get to realize if you are making a mistake in marriage, or if this is the 100% right person for you.

Rain Man
05-04-2008, 04:17 PM
I would advise you to hold your ground on the means by which you fold the towels, and how clean the dishes need to be when they go in the dishwasher, and where the toothpaste tube is squeezed. These may not seem like big deals, but if you fold on them, you'll lose traction on more important issues that arise later.

luv
05-04-2008, 04:20 PM
I would advise you to hold your ground on the means by which you fold the towels, and how clean the dishes need to be when they go in the dishwasher, and where the toothpaste tube is squeezed. These may not seem like big deals, but if you fold on them, you'll lose traction on more important issues that arise later.

Also, the toilet paper should always go on to where it rolls over the top.

keg in kc
05-04-2008, 04:22 PM
Also, the toilet paper should always go on to where it rolls over the top.One of the weird things that's always annoyed me. Somebody putting the tp on backwards.

AustinChief
05-04-2008, 05:03 PM
The church has historically interpreted adultry as mentioned in the 6th commandment rather broadly to encompass all sexual sin. This is consistent with the teachings of Jesus:

"But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:28

um, nope.

The commandment as WRITTEN is very very clear. ADULTERY is sex with a MARRIED WOMAN. End of story. In the Judaic tradition it was quite specific.

Now, if you want to talk about the MODERN Church...
The modern Catechism of the Catholic Church (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catechism_of_the_Catholic_Church) expresses: "Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations—even transient ones—they commit adultery."

If some made up church believes otherwise, then fair enough... but when it comes to defining the Commandments.. I tend to defer to what they were MEANT to be understood to say AT THE TIME THEY WERE WRITTEN and by the people that they were written for.

If I write a law that forbids quaqlagog and I define quaglagog to be the drinking of beer through a straw. Then somewhere down the line people start to think of quaglagog as the drinking of ANY fermented beverage through a straw... Does that mean I am breaking the law if I drink wine through a straw? See the problem with reintepretation?

Sorry for the hijacking... misinterpretation of the bible is a pet peeve....

My advice, I'm sure someone has mentioned it... COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE. It isn't just about saying what needs to be said.. but also learning HOW to say it. ASK HER how she prefers to be communicated with... and try to accomodate that.

booger
05-04-2008, 05:30 PM
part 1
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part 2
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cdcox
05-04-2008, 07:20 PM
um, nope.

The commandment as WRITTEN is very very clear. ADULTERY is sex with a MARRIED WOMAN. End of story. In the Judaic tradition it was quite specific.

Now, if you want to talk about the MODERN Church...


If some made up church believes otherwise, then fair enough... but when it comes to defining the Commandments.. I tend to defer to what they were MEANT to be understood to say AT THE TIME THEY WERE WRITTEN and by the people that they were written for.

If I write a law that forbids quaqlagog and I define quaglagog to be the drinking of beer through a straw. Then somewhere down the line people start to think of quaglagog as the drinking of ANY fermented beverage through a straw... Does that mean I am breaking the law if I drink wine through a straw? See the problem with reintepretation?

Sorry for the hijacking... misinterpretation of the bible is a pet peeve....



It all boils down to what you think the 10 commandments are. If you think they are a tradition created by humans to govern their own situation in a particular time and place. then, you could make an arguement for a very narrow "constructionist" interpretation. However, in that case, they would have zero relevance for today since that society and culture is long dead. Even modern day religious Jews do not live in the culture of circa 1500 BC, hence the laws written by humans in that time and place have no bearing on today.

If on the other hand you think the 10 commandments are written by God then you would need to consider what the giver of the 10 commandments say about them. I fall into this camp. Specifically, I believe they were written by the Triune God as revealed in the Old and New Testament in order to show all people their sins. Therefore, what the second person of the Trinity (Jesus Christ) has to say about them is very relevant, since Jesus is the author.

I think we probably disagree on who is the author and what was/is their purpose. Without agreement on that point, it is rather difficult to have a meaningful discussion.

EyePod
05-04-2008, 07:38 PM
Really, just be willing to change some of the normal things you're used to. If things seem to bother her, then let her know you'll try and stop. If she's rational (and you are too), then she'll hopefully do the same with you. Also, do household things together i.e. I take the laundry downstairs and put it in the washer, my gf switches it to the dryer and after takes it upstairs. Then we both fold it (together, or one of us will surprise the other and do it). Good Luck and let us know how it goes.....

Mile High Mania
05-04-2008, 07:40 PM
Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.


I haven't read through all the replies...

I lived with an ex for a while (just after college) and I lived with my wife for about 3 months leading up to the wedding, so I did this twice. I've changed my view on things in the last 12 years... but, I'll save you that and just say that you have to live with your decisions.

I don't know how involved you are with this girl... I don't know her history, but it sounds like she's been down this path before. Living with a girl is a big step, especially if you want it to lead somewhere. So, be smart about... don't listen to a bunch of guys on a message board.

Some things you have to figure out for yourself. Nobody knows what is up in your life with this girl except you... I don't know what you believe in and I'm not going to try and discuss it on a message board.

Just think about it and don't be stupid.

Oh and maybe you were trying to be cool, but looking at the BOLD parts above... you shouldn't do it. Also, why are you waiting until the fall? Current lease situations or what...

AustinChief
05-04-2008, 07:53 PM
I think we probably disagree on who is the author and what was/is their purpose. Without agreement on that point, it is rather difficult to have a meaningful discussion.

Fair enough, I can go with TWO possible arguements. #1 must be looked at int he exact context of the time/culture from which it came .. or #2 brought to us by God .. in which case I would defer to the people most qualified to interpret the EXACT meaning... which in my opinion would be the Catholic Church... (who broaden the definition to mean any extramarital relation.. but DOES not apply it to single persons)

That was the real basis for my disagreement with KCJohnny... Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)

I just don't feel that people like KCJohnny (No offense KCJ) are qualified to tell someone how to apply the 6th Commandment, nor do I think Pastor Joe is... that is why I defer to the big boys.

stlchiefs
05-04-2008, 08:42 PM
I haven't read through all the replies...

I lived with an ex for a while (just after college) and I lived with my wife for about 3 months leading up to the wedding, so I did this twice. I've changed my view on things in the last 12 years... but, I'll save you that and just say that you have to live with your decisions.

I don't know how involved you are with this girl... I don't know her history, but it sounds like she's been down this path before. Living with a girl is a big step, especially if you want it to lead somewhere. So, be smart about... don't listen to a bunch of guys on a message board.

Some things you have to figure out for yourself. Nobody knows what is up in your life with this girl except you... I don't know what you believe in and I'm not going to try and discuss it on a message board.

Just think about it and don't be stupid.

Oh and maybe you were trying to be cool, but looking at the BOLD parts above... you shouldn't do it. Also, why are you waiting until the fall? Current lease situations or what...

Summary: don't listen to guys on a message board, they are idiots. So here is my opinion, you should listen to it. :D

keg in kc
05-04-2008, 08:52 PM
Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)Religions are largely political entities, and in that light, the ten commandments, and the meaning of much of the bible (and much of religion, in fact, as far as interpretation goes) are fluid. Interpretation is generally a matter of what most benefits the folks in charge, and morality is usually summed up by "we do it this way, so it must be right, the rest of you are wrong. Until we change, in which case the new way is right. Unless we go back to the old way later. Either way, you're wrong, and will go to hell for not being like us."

Marty Mac Ver 2.0
05-04-2008, 09:03 PM
Winner, winner chicken dinner. I'm in this boat right now.

Aces and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed. I made it clear I wanted to eventually get married, but he didn't ask until HE was ready to. I strongly suggest all men do the same...you don't want to propose, and then regret it.

stlchiefs
05-04-2008, 09:05 PM
Really, just be willing to change some of the normal things you're used to. If things seem to bother her, then let her know you'll try and stop. If she's rational (and you are too), then she'll hopefully do the same with you. Also, do household things together i.e. I take the laundry downstairs and put it in the washer, my gf switches it to the dryer and after takes it upstairs. Then we both fold it (together, or one of us will surprise the other and do it). Good Luck and let us know how it goes.....

Friend: Hey come hit this right here, you need to hit this.
EyePod: No, I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides I got a big day tomorrow, you guys have a great time.
Friend: A big day? Doin what?
EyePod: Well, um, actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're uh, gonna go to Home Depot, yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time.

:D

cdcox
05-05-2008, 01:00 AM
Fair enough, I can go with TWO possible arguements. #1 must be looked at int he exact context of the time/culture from which it came .. or #2 brought to us by God .. in which case I would defer to the people most qualified to interpret the EXACT meaning... which in my opinion would be the Catholic Church... (who broaden the definition to mean any extramarital relation.. but DOES not apply it to single persons)

That was the real basis for my disagreement with KCJohnny... Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)

I just don't feel that people like KCJohnny (No offense KCJ) are qualified to tell someone how to apply the 6th Commandment, nor do I think Pastor Joe is... that is why I defer to the big boys.

The Roman Catholic Church most certainly does apply the sixth commandment to single persons. The link below is the section of the Roman Catholic Catechism that explains the sixth commandment.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

luv
05-05-2008, 06:36 AM
If Direckshun isn't violating any beliefs he may have, then I say he's good.

Al Bundy
05-05-2008, 08:31 AM
I am currently living with my girlfriend. Everything is everything. We fit together perfectly in just about every way possible.

Mile High Mania
05-05-2008, 10:54 AM
If Direckshun isn't violating any beliefs he may have, then I say he's good.

Well, considering the pic in his profile... I'm guessing he's ok with what he's doing.

Mr. Flopnuts
09-08-2008, 10:41 PM
Well? Has this happened yet? I'll trade you Tony Gonzalez for her. :D

Chief Chief
09-09-2008, 01:55 PM
Remember to keep your cohabitant, Gheythan, happy or (s)he'll ditch ya and run back to Hutard!

Micjones
09-09-2008, 01:59 PM
Have a candid conversation about your expectations and house rules.
Then be sure to iron out the responsibilities and splits with housework, groceries, bills, etc.

tooge
09-09-2008, 02:39 PM
The most important thing in the universe, from the words of the great Gambelli...."No matter what, always"....No, wait, "Never....."