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FAX
05-05-2008, 09:53 AM
Wish me luck, you knuckleheads.

FAX

DenverChief
05-05-2008, 09:54 AM
Good luck!


why are you going?

Adept Havelock
05-05-2008, 09:54 AM
Good Luck. Sending positive waves your way.

Dinny Blues
05-05-2008, 09:55 AM
Break a leg.

Dinny

FAX
05-05-2008, 09:55 AM
Good luck!


why are you going?

Because I'm sick.

The mad scientists think I have an obstruction in my digestive tract that is preventing me from keeping food down.

FAX

Demonpenz
05-05-2008, 09:56 AM
i forgot fax was pregnant

FAX
05-05-2008, 09:56 AM
Must shower, shave, and find good underwear.

Later.

FAX

Frazod
05-05-2008, 09:57 AM
Good luck, Fax. Keep us posted.

FAX
05-05-2008, 09:58 AM
i forgot fax was pregnant

Damn.

You realize, of course, this is the kind of thing that really pisses sick people off.

FAX

Frankie
05-05-2008, 09:58 AM
Because I'm sick.

The mad scientists think I have an obstruction in my digestive tract that is preventing me from keeping food down.

FAX

Good luck Mr. Fax. Report back about your success asap.

ChiTown
05-05-2008, 09:59 AM
Good luck, Fax.

Prayers coming your way.

DenverChief
05-05-2008, 09:59 AM
Because I'm sick.

The mad scientists think I have an obstruction in my digestive tract that is preventing me from keeping food down.

FAX

ouch...thinking good thoughts for you my friend

siberian khatru
05-05-2008, 10:00 AM
Props for a creative "I'm leaving the Planet" thread.

seclark
05-05-2008, 10:02 AM
good luck fax...
sec

DaFace
05-05-2008, 10:02 AM
Good luck, FAX. I hope you get a hot nurse.

ChiTown
05-05-2008, 10:04 AM
Props for a creative "I'm leaving the Planet" thread.

:LOL:

cdcox
05-05-2008, 10:06 AM
Best wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery, FAX. Stay away from nurses with catheters.

Mr. Laz
05-05-2008, 10:07 AM
Because I'm sick.

The mad scientists think I have an obstruction in my digestive tract that is preventing me from keeping food down.

FAX

antifreeze?!? :shrug:








seriously though ..... hope you get well, Mr. Fax. :clap:

Skip Towne
05-05-2008, 10:08 AM
Is this a mission to score more Lortabs?

DenverChief
05-05-2008, 10:09 AM
Good luck, FAX. I hope you get a hot nurse.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Y4F4ponlL._SS500_.jpg

CosmicPal
05-05-2008, 10:14 AM
Good luck to you...hopefully your procedure goes well.

MeaTy The Pimp
05-05-2008, 10:40 AM
Antifreeze...

Braincase
05-05-2008, 10:47 AM
They'll massage your abdomen and try and work loose the obstruction. Happened to me a couple of times. Wear shorts that you aren't attached to... when they work it loose, you'll want to be REAL CLOSE to a bathroom.

Mr. Kotter
05-05-2008, 10:59 AM
Good Luck, FAX. I hope it all goes well and you are able to poop regularly again soon.

:thumb:

patteeu
05-05-2008, 11:04 AM
Good luck, FAX.

Stay away from nurses with catheters.

More importantly, make sure it's time to remove the catheter before your hot nurse removes it. No nurse is hot enough to make putting it back in fun.

Fire Me Boy!
05-05-2008, 11:06 AM
I look forward to a Hall of Classics-worthy poop thread upon your return.

Good luck.

PhillyChiefFan
05-05-2008, 11:12 AM
Best of Luck FAX, hope you get better soon!!

Rain Man
05-05-2008, 11:14 AM
If you live, let's make a pact to go discover the lost city of El Cibola or something. Life is too short to not hunt mythological cities.

Radar Chief
05-05-2008, 11:19 AM
Sure hope you get to feeling better Mr. Fax.

StcChief
05-05-2008, 12:05 PM
All best FAX. good results, hot nurses, no catheters, "sponge bathes" by hot nurses.

Boon
05-05-2008, 12:50 PM
Good luck Mr Fax.
Prayers from me to you.

blueballs
05-05-2008, 12:52 PM
It could be worse
you could be going to the horse pistol

the Talking Can
05-05-2008, 12:57 PM
don't let them amputate anything

wishing you good health, fax...

Mr. Plow
05-05-2008, 12:58 PM
Can I have all your rep points while you're gone?

Easy 6
05-05-2008, 12:58 PM
Get well soon Mr FAX.

crazycoffey
05-05-2008, 01:12 PM
when did you come back, mr. fax?
Glad that you did,
and hope your trip is successful.

Buehler445
05-05-2008, 01:14 PM
Good luck Mr. FAX. Speedy recovery and hot nurse wishes.

Friendo
05-05-2008, 01:17 PM
hope you get a nice roomie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG81Bvyzi6w&feature=related

DeezNutz
05-05-2008, 01:19 PM
May you get a lifetime prescription of medical marijuana out of the deal. Get well soon, Mr. Fax.

alpha_omega
05-05-2008, 01:23 PM
Get well soon!!!!!
Hope to see you back on the board in a short amount of time.

gblowfish
05-05-2008, 01:24 PM
There once was a poster named Fax
Whose bowels he just could not relax
A nurse's massage
Will surely dislodge
A Brown Steaming Load in his Slacks!

Baby Lee
05-05-2008, 01:30 PM
There once was a poster named Fax
Whose bowels he just could not relax
A nurse's massage
Will surely dislodge
A Brown Steaming Load in his Slacks!

Perhaps the perfect post.

Braincase
05-05-2008, 01:33 PM
Good luck, FAX.



More importantly, make sure it's time to remove the catheter before your hot nurse removes it. No nurse is hot enough to make putting it back in fun.

When I had cancer, they sent in a nurse to remove my catheter... and she (poor girl) had a condition called Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia, compounded by other defects, but she was a sweet girl and a good nurse. I think they sent her so she had a chance to touch a winkie... she had the same condition as Michael Berryman. So, when I meet my maker, St. Peter will ask me about my good deeds, and I'll be able to tell him that this guy's cousin got to grab yonder johnson.

Here's a picture of Michael Berryman... now imagine with 8 fingers instead of 10, and curly hair.. may have been a whig.

dirk digler
05-05-2008, 01:33 PM
There once was a poster named Fax
Whose bowels he just could not relax
A nurse's massage
Will surely dislodge
A Brown Steaming Load in his Slacks!

LMAO

Get well Fax

Baby Lee
05-05-2008, 01:34 PM
Mr. Fax announces a trip
See, his esophagus is losing it's grip
the mad scientists he trusts
to keep things from going bust
and disorging his cheesy bean dip.

Chiefnj2
05-05-2008, 01:40 PM
Good luck Mr. Fax.

ottawa_chiefs_fan
05-05-2008, 01:46 PM
All the best, man - you are in my prayers ...

patteeu
05-05-2008, 02:06 PM
When I had cancer, they sent in a nurse to remove my catheter... and she (poor girl) had a condition called Hypohidrotic Ectodermal Dysplasia, compounded by other defects, but she was a sweet girl and a good nurse. I think they sent her so she had a chance to touch a winkie... she had the same condition as Michael Berryman. So, when I meet my maker, St. Peter will ask me about my good deeds, and I'll be able to tell him that this guy's cousin got to grab yonder johnson.

Here's a picture of Michael Berryman... now imagine with 8 fingers instead of 10, and curly hair.. may have been a whig.

Is that a penis growing out of that doll's head?

Gonzo
05-05-2008, 02:18 PM
Good luck Fax!
Get well soon!

Big Chief Homer
05-05-2008, 05:31 PM
Take care Mr. Fax Hope to see you back soon.

JBucc
05-05-2008, 05:48 PM
If you die can I have your funny?

ClevelandBronco
05-05-2008, 05:50 PM
Cheating Donk prayers headed your way, Mr. FAX.

Rain Man
05-05-2008, 05:57 PM
Is that a penis growing out of that doll's head?

If we all had that, hair salons would be a great investment.

"Would you like a shampoo today?"

"Yes! Oh, god, yes!"

Hydrae
05-05-2008, 06:40 PM
Hmmm, did he take the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX to see Ironman yesterday? If not, well a woman scorned and all that. :eek:

NUMBER7
05-05-2008, 09:20 PM
Good Luck Fax...hope you get back soon.

KcMizzou
05-05-2008, 09:23 PM
Good luck, Mr. FAX. Hope to see you back before long.

Rausch
05-05-2008, 09:25 PM
Cheating Donk prayers headed your way, Mr. FAX.

ROFL

ROYC75
05-05-2008, 09:49 PM
Funny thread .....

But seriously Mr Fax, Get Well Soon ! :thumb:

FAX
05-07-2008, 10:32 AM
Hmmmm. Thank you all for the good wishes. I returned home today. Here's what I learned at the hospital.

1) Home > Hospital.
2) All Night Ass Kicking By 4 Starving Angry Lesbian Chinese Kung Fu Bitches > Hospital.
3) I had flare up of Crohn's and pancreatitis (not a poop issue after all).

My compliments to Mr. gblowfish for the fabulous and remarkable limerick. An excellent, excellent, job right there. And, my gratitude to all for the kind words and thoughts. I don't understand how my impending demise would not, however, warrant a sticky. I mean somebody's lost dog thread once warranted a freaking sticky.

Ah well, thanks again to all.

FAX THE SURVIVOR OF IDIOT DOCTORS AND THEIR PERNICIOUS WAYS

DaFace
05-07-2008, 10:34 AM
Hmmmm. Thank you all for the good wishes. I returned home today. Here's what I learned at the hospital.

1) Home > Hospital.
2) All Night Ass Kicking By 4 Starving Angry Lesbian Chinese Kung Fu Bitches > Hospital.
3) I had flare up of Crohn's and pancreatitis (not a poop issue after all).

My compliments to Mr. gblowfish for the fabulous and remarkable limerick. An excellent, excellent, job right there. And, my gratitude to all for the kind words and thoughts. I don't understand how my impending demise would not, however, warrant a sticky. I mean somebody's lost dog thread once warranted a freaking sticky.

Ah well, thanks again to all.

FAX THE SURVIVOR OF IDIOT DOCTORS AND THEIR PERNICIOUS WAYS

Damn Nazi mods. :shake:

Adept Havelock
05-07-2008, 10:37 AM
Hmmmm. Thank you all for the good wishes. I returned home today. Here's what I learned at the hospital.

1) Home > Hospital.
2) All Night Ass Kicking By 4 Starving Angry Lesbian Chinese Kung Fu Bitches > Hospital.
3) I had flare up of Crohn's and pancreatitis (not a poop issue after all).

My compliments to Mr. gblowfish for the fabulous and remarkable limerick. An excellent, excellent, job right there. And, my gratitude to all for the kind words and thoughts. I don't understand how my impending demise would not, however, warrant a sticky. I mean somebody's lost dog thread once warranted a freaking sticky.

Ah well, thanks again to all.

FAX THE SURVIVOR OF IDIOT DOCTORS AND THEIR PERNICIOUS WAYS

Glad to hear you survived Dr. Mengele's Inpatient Clinic and Smorgasbord.

kregger
05-07-2008, 10:53 AM
Hmmmm. Thank you all for the good wishes. I returned home today. Here's what I learned at the hospital.

1) Home > Hospital.

FAX THE SURVIVOR OF IDIOT DOCTORS AND THEIR PERNICIOUS WAYS

Glad to hear you're back in one piece Mr. FAX. By the way you have failed to mention the hot or not nurses. We are an inquisitive lot.

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 11:04 AM
I was just hoping that the nurses wouldn't mix you up with another patient and send you home with the wrong family.

FAX
05-07-2008, 11:04 AM
Glad to hear you're back in one piece Mr. FAX. By the way you have failed to mention the hot or not nurses. We are an inquisitive lot.

I went in through the ER because my doctor wanted some immediate tests run, so I had a bunch of nurses throughout my brief stay, Mr. kregger. I'd break it down this way; 1 Fairly Hot. 2 Medium Hot. 2 Not So Hot. 1 Please Burn Out My Freaking Eyes.

The most hot of all was, interestingly, a Malaysian girl from London. A perfectly symmetrical face, pretty smile, large brown eyes, perky breasts, and very nice arrangements of other body parts. Not my type at all, but a real catch for some guy.

FAX

FAX
05-07-2008, 11:08 AM
I was just hoping that the nurses wouldn't mix you up with another patient and send you home with the wrong family.

You aren't far off. There is another person with my exact name, Mr. Rain Man, who also had been in Baptist Hospital recently. This person, however, is approximately 85 years old. Somehow, some of his medical history got added to my records and I spent about 20 minutes arguing with a doctor that I had not had my gall bladder removed last month.

FAX

seclark
05-07-2008, 11:08 AM
The most hot of all was, interestingly, a Malaysian girl from London. A perfectly symmetrical face, pretty smile, large brown eyes, perky breasts, and very nice arrangements of other body parts. Not my type at all, but a real catch for some guy.

FAX

bet she couldn't piss a 12' stream unless she's standing on top of a ladder.
sec

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 11:12 AM
I went in through the ER because my doctor wanted some immediate tests run, so I had a bunch of nurses throughout my brief stay, Mr. kregger. I'd break it down this way; 1 Fairly Hot. 2 Medium Hot. 2 Not So Hot. 1 Please Burn Out My Freaking Eyes.

The most hot of all was, interestingly, a Malaysian girl from London. A perfectly symmetrical face, pretty smile, large brown eyes, perky breasts, and very nice arrangements of other body parts. Not my type at all, but a real catch for some guy.

FAX


Did you get to touch her Kuala Lumpurs? Enter the Straits of Molucca?

cdcox
05-07-2008, 11:26 AM
Crohn's is the suck (not from personal experience). Hope your case stays relatively mild and the flare ups rare.

FAX
05-07-2008, 11:43 AM
Did you get to touch her Kuala Lumpurs? Enter the Straits of Molucca?

None of the above. Actually, no effort was made to access her Archipelago, Mr. Rain Man.

Frankly, I could not imagine the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX's reaction should she walk in during a tour of another girl's Putrajaya.

FAX

FAX
05-07-2008, 11:46 AM
Crohn's is the suck (not from personal experience). Hope your case stays relatively mild and the flare ups rare.

You're right about the suck part, Mr. cdcox. Autoimmune stuff is weird in the extreme. At this point in my life, I am firmly in the anti-autoimmune camp.

FAX

Frosty
05-07-2008, 12:09 PM
I spent about 20 minutes arguing with a doctor that I had not had my gall bladder removed last month.

You would think a simple "Look - no scar" would have cut that short.

FAX
05-07-2008, 12:11 PM
You would think a simple "Look - no scar" would have cut that short.

That's what it came to.

EDIT: It's astonishing, frankly, Mr. arc. If it's in their computer, it's real. No matter what you say. It's scary. Very scary.

FAX

Boon
05-07-2008, 12:20 PM
Welcome bax
Mr Fax

Frosty
05-07-2008, 12:21 PM
It's scary. Very scary.

FAX

It is, which is why I avoid them as much as humanly possible. I get in arguments with my dad about this all of the time. To him, Doctors = God. To me, doctors = fallible humans with God complex.

Sfeihc
05-07-2008, 12:24 PM
Good to see you're back and as witty as ever, Mr. Fax.

FAX
05-07-2008, 01:28 PM
Welcome bax
Mr Fax

Thanks, Mr. 88-31-10. (If that's your real number).

And, happy birthday, by the way.

FAX

Frankie
05-07-2008, 01:40 PM
I was just hoping that the nurses wouldn't mix you up with another patient and send you home with the wrong family.

the Wong family would immediately discover the mistake as Mr. FAX does not look Chinese at all.








What's that?




Oh, the WRONG family




Never mind.

Frankie
05-07-2008, 01:42 PM
I went in through the ER because my doctor wanted some immediate tests run, so I had a bunch of nurses throughout my briefs

FYP ;)

morphius
05-07-2008, 02:31 PM
morphius hasn't been on much, otherwise Mr, Fax would have received his sticky thread.

Sorry to hear about the Crohn's thing, my best friend and BiL both have that nasty thing.

FAX
05-07-2008, 02:34 PM
morphius hasn't been on much, otherwise Mr, Fax would have received his sticky thread.

Sorry to hear about the Crohn's thing, my best friend and BiL both have that nasty thing.

No hard feelings whatsoever, Mr. morphius. I was just making a sick joke.

I've had the Crohn's for a long time, so it's not a problem. It just flares up on occasion. A lot of other people are far worse off than I. Best to your friend and relations, though. Some folks have a very tough time with it.

FAX

morphius
05-07-2008, 02:41 PM
No hard feelings whatsoever, Mr. morphius. I was just making a sick joke.

I've had the Crohn's for a long time, so it's not a problem. It just flares up on occasion. A lot of other people are far worse off than I. Best to your friend and relations, though. Some folks have a very tough time with it.

FAX
Yeah, my best friend apparently didn't hit puberty until he was 18, I have to imagine that that would suck. He has it pretty under control now though. My BiL goes in once a month for some shot/IV something or other that seems to help him a lot, though there are a lot of things that still bother him if he eats them.

FAX
05-07-2008, 02:47 PM
Yeah, my best friend apparently didn't hit puberty until he was 18, I have to imagine that that would suck. He has it pretty under control now though. My BiL goes in once a month for some shot/IV something or other that seems to help him a lot, though there are a lot of things that still bother him if he eats them.

They're probably giving your Brother in Law injections of immune-suppressing drugs and/or steroids and/or antibodies. It all sucks. I had a surgery some time back to bypass the affected areas and I'm doing great. I was lucky, though. I have conjured good vibes for your friend and BiL and sending them into the ethers. We sick bastards must stick together.

FAX

Silock
05-07-2008, 02:51 PM
So, you're okay, right?

Hydrae
05-07-2008, 02:52 PM
So, you're okay, right?

Please define okay. ;)

Skip Towne
05-07-2008, 02:55 PM
What about Lortabs? Did you get any Lortabs?

HemiEd
05-07-2008, 03:01 PM
Hmmmm. Thank you all for the good wishes. I returned home today. Here's what I learned at the hospital.

1) Home > Hospital.
2) All Night Ass Kicking By 4 Starving Angry Lesbian Chinese Kung Fu Bitches > Hospital.
3) I had flare up of Crohn's and pancreatitis (not a poop issue after all).

My compliments to Mr. gblowfish for the fabulous and remarkable limerick. An excellent, excellent, job right there. And, my gratitude to all for the kind words and thoughts. I don't understand how my impending demise would not, however, warrant a sticky. I mean somebody's lost dog thread once warranted a freaking sticky.

Ah well, thanks again to all.

FAX THE SURVIVOR OF IDIOT DOCTORS AND THEIR PERNICIOUS WAYSGlad to see you are doing ok, I must have missed the sticky, and was not aware of your problem.

FAX
05-07-2008, 03:03 PM
So, you're okay, right?

Physically, yes. Thanks for asking, Mr. Silock. That's almost as good as a sticky.

They gave me a CAT scan, bed rest, pain meds, IV fluids, no food, etc. Standard procedure for an active Crohn's episode and/or pancreatitis. Things quieted down and I was good to go. The problem was that I couldn't keep any food down and I actually didn't eat anything whatsoever from Friday to Tuesday. Lost 17 pounds in water weight during that period. I got out of the hospital and went directly to Arby's.

Mr. Skip Towne: Actually, the pain med was 2 mg dilaudid every three hours delivered IV. They did give me a walking prescription for some lortab in case I need them, though.

FAX

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 05:02 PM
So was this nurse an ethnic Malay, or was she a chinese Malaysian?

FAX
05-07-2008, 05:13 PM
So was this nurse an ethnic Malay, or was she a chinese Malaysian?

Ethnic, I suppose. Although, to be honest, it's somewhat difficult to say. The Malay race are a mixed bag. Definitely not Chinese or, in my distressed state, I might well have been frightened to death that her weaponized bra might go off unexpectedly.

FAX

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 05:19 PM
Ethnic, I suppose. Although, to be honest, it's somewhat difficult to say. The Malay race are a mixed bag. Definitely not Chinese or, in my distressed state, I might well have been frightened to death that her weaponized bra might go off unexpectedly.

FAX


Ooooh, that's the best kind of Malay.

Der Flöprer
05-07-2008, 05:41 PM
Good luck, FAX. I hope you get a hot nurse.

And lortabs.

Der Flöprer
05-07-2008, 05:43 PM
Is this a mission to score more Lortabs?

That'd be a nice perc......I mean perk.

ChiefaRoo
05-07-2008, 05:58 PM
Get well and all that stuff.

Donger
05-07-2008, 06:05 PM
I didn't know what Crohn's was until today. It sounds unpleasant. This is one reason I didn't become a doctor. I probably would have invented multiple nasty diseases that would have had my name attached to them.

Do get well soon, FAX.

ClevelandBronco
05-07-2008, 06:09 PM
I didn't know what Crohn's was until today. It sounds unpleasant. This is one reason I didn't become a doctor. I probably would have invented multiple nasty diseases that would have had my name attached to them.

Do get well soon, FAX.

I don't even want to imagine the symptoms of Donger disease.

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 06:11 PM
I didn't know what Crohn's was until today. It sounds unpleasant. This is one reason I didn't become a doctor. I probably would have invented multiple nasty diseases that would have had my name attached to them.

Do get well soon, FAX.


People think there's more money in inventing the cure, but the drug companies pay big bucks to doctors who invent new diseases.

Donger
05-07-2008, 06:21 PM
I don't even want to imagine the symptoms of Donger disease.

I wouldn't either, to be blunt. But, I'd like to think it would involve something like growing another pinky toe or something. Not something that people would point and laugh at the grocery store, mind you, but something you could show off at cocktail parties and such.

seclark
05-07-2008, 06:37 PM
I wouldn't either, to be blunt. But, I'd like to think it would involve something like growing another pinky toe or something. Not something that people would point and laugh at the grocery store, mind you, but something you could show off at cocktail parties and such.

kinda like smiling bob?
sec

Rain Man
05-07-2008, 06:39 PM
I fear that Rain Man disease would likely involve incontinence.

Jenny Gump
05-07-2008, 08:36 PM
People think there's more money in inventing the cure, but the drug companies pay big bucks to doctors who invent new diseases.

They pay even more to the little sneaky people in trenchcoats who infect everyone with the diseases.

FAX
05-07-2008, 08:39 PM
I imagine Mr. Rain Man disease as some sort of severe mental condition.

FAX

FAX
05-07-2008, 08:43 PM
I didn't know what Crohn's was until today. It sounds unpleasant. This is one reason I didn't become a doctor. I probably would have invented multiple nasty diseases that would have had my name attached to them.

Do get well soon, FAX.

Thanks, Mr. Donger. I've been dealing with this thing for a long time with few problems. So, as I've mentioned, I'm very lucky in that respect. My pseudo-cure took place at UCLA which I recommend to anyone who has a serious condition that requires decent care. I was first operated on in KC where the doctors were both confused and confounded. The guys at UCLA, however, were dedicated and on the ball.

I think it's interesting that so many afflictions are autoimmune in nature. There's something afoot, I tell you.

FAX

kc rush
05-07-2008, 10:39 PM
Crohn's is the suck (not from personal experience). Hope your case stays relatively mild and the flare ups rare.

One of my best friends has Crohn's and ended up having his colon removed. Suck indeed.