PDA

View Full Version : Life Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars


Douche Baggins
05-26-2008, 04:34 PM
Hemied, that you?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00672/car-sex-man-1_672784n.jpg

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-%5C%27having-sex%5C%27-with-1,000-cars.html

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.

But he confesses that many of the cars he has had sex with have belonged to strangers or car showrooms.

His last relationship with a woman was 12 years ago - and he could not bring himself to consummate it, although he did have sex with girls in his younger days.

Mr Smith, from Washington state in the US, kept quiet about his secret fetish for years, but agreed to be interviewed as part of a channel Five documentary into “mechaphilia”. He is shown meeting other enthusiasts at a rally in California

Talking about how his unusual passion developed, Mr Smith said: "It's something that grew as a part of me when I was a kid and I could not shake it.

"I just loved cute cars right from the beginning, but over the years it got stronger once I got into my teenage years and was my first having sexual urges.

"When I turned 13 and the famous Corvette Stingray came about, that car was pure sex and just an incredible machine. I wanted it.

"I didn't fully understand it myself except that I know I'm not hurting anyone and I do not intend to."

He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.

"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them.

"As far as women go, they never really interested me much. And I'm not gay.”

Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.

Direckshun
05-26-2008, 04:38 PM
I'm going to regret asking.

But how does one have sex with a car?

Basileus777
05-26-2008, 04:39 PM
Where does he put it?

blueballs Jr
05-26-2008, 04:40 PM
My Father just can't stay out of the news.

Smed1065
05-26-2008, 04:41 PM
I'm going to regret asking.

But how does one have sex with a car?

That would be TMI!

milkman
05-26-2008, 04:41 PM
I'm going to regret asking.

But how does one have sex with a car?

I think we're all going to regret that you asked.

Deberg_1990
05-26-2008, 04:42 PM
Where does he put it?

Tailpipe??

milkman
05-26-2008, 04:44 PM
Tailpipe??

Poke her in the rear.

Mr. Plow
05-26-2008, 04:45 PM
He added: "There are moments way out in the middle of nowhere when I see a little car parked and I swear it needs loving.


LMAO

"I swear officer, it needed lovin'."

Rain Man
05-26-2008, 05:11 PM
I'm going to regret asking.

But how does one have sex with a car?

Maybe Dodgie style? Or Model A-nal?

We can pretty much be sure that it's not by letting the car be on top.

Sully
05-26-2008, 05:12 PM
This guy is a huge fan of trannies.

PastorMikH
05-26-2008, 05:16 PM
Eh, oddly enoughrecently, we were in a resturaunt waiting for a table and were looking through their gift shop. There was this little plaque with odd OK laws. One of which was in our very town it is illegal to molest an automobile. I saw that and told the wife and the friends we were with that it wouldn't be a law if someone hadn't done it.

:shake:

Rain Man
05-26-2008, 05:24 PM
I wonder if that guy views sex with a bicycle as pedophilia.

PastorMikH
05-26-2008, 05:28 PM
I wonder if that guy views sex with a bicycle as pedophilia.


LMAO


I wonder how many people here you'll have to explain that too.




I'll bet he takes bikes from around the downtown Denver area, loves them then leaves them wherever he is when he's through with them.

Douche Baggins
05-26-2008, 05:30 PM
I wonder if that guy views sex with a bicycle as pedophilia.

No, I'd think it would be sex with those kiddie cars you get in the toy department.

http://images.google.com/url?q=http://www.family-vacation-getaways-at-los-angeles-theme-parks.com/images/SDKiddieCar.gif&usg=AFQjCNEJUQedRqe63xZptMb5A-6wTNZLkQ

Or perhaps matchbox cars.

Smed1065
05-26-2008, 05:36 PM
Maybe he is just into the head-


ers.

blueballs
05-26-2008, 05:43 PM
1 horsepower is enough to kill
this guy's on a suicide mission

Adept Havelock
05-26-2008, 05:44 PM
Now that's a new take on autoeroticism.

Sully
05-26-2008, 05:54 PM
So when he sees that commercial where the woman asks,"When you turn on your car, does it return the favor?" He can honestly answer, "Yes!!"

"Bob" Dobbs
05-26-2008, 05:55 PM
I AM MERC LOVIN'!!

Mr. Flopnuts
05-26-2008, 06:07 PM
So when he sees that commercial where the woman asks,"When you turn on your car, does it return the favor?" He can honestly answer, "Yes!!"

That's that commercial that talks about the kansas city good bye.

Ebolapox
05-26-2008, 07:11 PM
ROFL

this thread has the potential for greatness...

I know this isn't the first place this has been said, but I wonder if a car takes it up the tailpipe...

is the intake valve properly lubed?

built for speed!

that car sure is curvy!

slippery when wet!..


alright, that's enough. wait, one more...

cars make his engine rev!!

FAX
05-26-2008, 08:04 PM
There once was a strange man who felt
Amore for cars that were svelt
Then came the day
When love went astray
And his sack got caught in a fan belt

FAX

the Talking Can
05-26-2008, 08:13 PM
I'd pee in a Ferrari's butt...

acesn8s
05-26-2008, 08:54 PM
OMG there are 500 of these freaks.

Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.

By the way, does the car need to be 18 years old to be considered legal?

Rain Man
05-26-2008, 09:15 PM
I don't even want to think about what he'd do with a Hummer.

Rain Man
05-26-2008, 09:16 PM
Or for that matter, a Ford Probe.

blueballs
05-26-2008, 09:25 PM
They will all die of STPs

Rain Man
05-26-2008, 09:25 PM
I must admit that I'm somewhat shamefully curious about the MG Midget, though.

FAX
05-26-2008, 09:26 PM
I'm not a big fan of the Ford Probe, Mr. Rain Man.

I prefer the Mitsubishi Fellatio.

FAX

FAX
05-26-2008, 09:33 PM
I must admit that I'm somewhat shamefully curious about the MG Midget, though.

Maybe you don't really love the MG Midget, Mr. Rain Man. It could be that you just enjoy the Chrysler Conquest.

FAX

Pablo
05-26-2008, 09:46 PM
So, he's attracted to 'cute' cars. I'm assuming small cars are cute to him.

I wonder if he's ever molested bigger trucks...or if they're just too butch for him.

"Oh my thilly little Ranger Splash is all I ever need, that F-250 is just too much man!!!"

"Bob" Dobbs
05-26-2008, 09:52 PM
Gives new meaning to "Le Car".

blueballs
05-26-2008, 09:54 PM
but does he turn their cranks

asdf
05-26-2008, 10:27 PM
http://new.music.yahoo.com/videos/--50828023

Queen
I'm In Love With My Car
Written by Roger Taylor

The machine of a dream, such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam
When I'm holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
With my hand on your grease gun
Mmm it's like a disease son
I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl I'll have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks saying this is the end now
Cars don't talk back they're just four wheeled friends now

When I'm holding your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When I'm cruisin' in overdrive
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile
I'm in love with my car, string back gloves in my automolove

chiefs1111
05-26-2008, 10:33 PM
I really dont know what to make of this article..... some of the things people do these days is just out there...........

Coach
05-26-2008, 10:46 PM
This gentleman needs to seek professional help.

Joie
05-26-2008, 11:45 PM
This gentleman needs to seek professional help.

He has. He said that he's "had" cars on the showroom floor.....



"Excuse me, sir. That's really not what I meant about taking her for a 'test drive'."

mcan
05-27-2008, 01:01 AM
Just shocked that nobody posted this yet.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/jkEw1rsBUak&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/jkEw1rsBUak&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

chasedude
05-27-2008, 08:00 AM
"Fill 'er Up" LMAO

FAX
05-27-2008, 08:11 AM
A construction worker named Doug
Enjoyed giving cars the love hug
But he let manners slide
When he said to his ride
"Hey Baby! C'mon show us your plugs!"

FAX

chagrin
05-27-2008, 08:20 AM
I wonder if that guy views sex with a bicycle as pedophilia.

I think you were going for, pedalphilia?

gblowfish
05-27-2008, 08:36 AM
Every time I've been screwed by a car it was in the dealership financing office.

the Talking Can
05-27-2008, 09:14 AM
he's the Wilt Chamberlain of car ****ing....

Demonpenz
05-27-2008, 09:17 AM
he must be exhausted

HemiEd
05-27-2008, 09:34 AM
he's the Wilt Chamberlain of car ****ing....

ROFL

bkkcoh
05-27-2008, 10:43 AM
Be careful shifting gears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blueballs
05-27-2008, 10:48 AM
If you get tired of their shit
just take them out and roll 'em in a ditch

Sully
05-27-2008, 10:49 AM
Seriously, though...
If we are talking about 5-speeds, here, it's not a given that this guy was the "man" in this scenario.

FAX
05-27-2008, 10:55 AM
A British man's lifelong ambition
Was to have hot sex with a transmission
So he made a date
And it was all going great
Until someone turned on the ignition

FAX