View Full Version : Things i've seen on the road....

08-18-2001, 01:06 PM
I started this thread a few months ago,hope no one minds me keeping it currant,and I hope you get a laugh out of it,even if it is at my expearience.

(ps...yeah I know I cant spell)

Ok Bishop...befor I have to get going,,heres a few of my favorite memories of 10yrs plus driving long haul coast to coast.....

Comming through the tunnel in Montreal Quebec one afternoon,I look in the mirrors to se this nissian 300zx all "blacked out" in the middle lane.
Looking down through the open T-top's when it got beside me (truckers have a WICKED view inside cars going by) I see this gal giving the driver a B.J. Traffic was really going slow,so being the sh*t disturber I am I light an M-60 fire cracker with about a 15 sec fuse on it and toss it into the back seat as they pulled away.....All I saw was his head and shoulders clear the roof line of the car.
He chased me for about 100 miles befor figuring out I wasnt pulling over.....

08-18-2001, 01:09 PM
On a sunday morning in Indyonapolis,Im driving along and see this beat up ole' peice of crap toyota pick up swerving along in the middle lane.I swithch to the far right one to pass him,and give the coustamary look in the vehicle...this old fella...and I swear on a stack of bibles he had to be pushing 70 is getting a B.J...He looks up at me gives me a toothless grin and waves.....I honk the air horns and give him the thumbs up...I mean what the hell,and old dude still getten some right on!!
About the time I hit the air horn,,,she lifts her head off his lap and waves at me with the hand holding her teeth,,,and she had to be pushing 80yrs old!!!

08-18-2001, 01:13 PM
NASTY!!!! Granny sex.

08-18-2001, 01:15 PM
I'm rolling into US coustoms in washington state out of British columbia one night,when I see these two dudes with all 3-4 garbage baggs on the ground trying to take apart a spare tire under a "street lamp"......I go in side coustoms,and start the process of "Clearing the load " so I can bring it into the USA.As I walk from the "Brokers " office...(the people who prepare the paper work for comercial loads for us truckers) I hear a bunch of guys just howling......
Seems the "Street light" these 2 fells were usuing was actually a security camera and they were trying to stuff about 15lbs of weed into the spare tire and clean every thing back up befor they crossed the border.

08-18-2001, 01:19 PM
Charlott N.C is a favorite city of mine to drive through...one afternoon I'm just buzzing along and a convertable comes roaring up past me.
The female is having a feild day with a "toy" one leg on the dash the other with the gas pedal hard to the floor.....was going great till she lost control and slammed into a police cruser who had another car pulled over ....

08-18-2001, 01:28 PM
That is crazy man. I guess you see the world from a whole new perspecive up there :D. Well guys, I am just about off of work and I have to do SOMETHING! I will talk to you guys tomorrow.

08-18-2001, 01:28 PM
"I see this gal giving the driver a B.J."

aww yes, road head. :D

08-18-2001, 01:32 PM
There;s nothing sweeter than making a cop look stupid when he's wrong and just wont admit it.One night in AZ i'm at a scale house getting a D.O.T safty inspection.
My truck at the time was an 83'...(which came from the factory with no brakes on the fron axle.
This guy darn near has an anurism when he pop's the hood.The "kid" as the cop was only about 19' becomes "Sheriff Justis T Bufford" from smokey and the bandit,,and goes ape nutts citing this and that and every thing else.
as hes writing up the tickets,he calls a tow truck to haul my truck to a shop to have front braks installed.I ask him if he knows much about the mechanical aspects of a truck,to which he informs me that "he state certified to inspect vehicles"...at this I ask him well then can you read?....now he really goes nutts,and starts mothering me up and down. I said "but sir...look at the wall behind you"....hanging there was a list of the new rules giving my truck a "grand father clause" to operate with out front brakes.
He looks,and says so what..."you truck is out of service" I ask on what grounds?....hes says "NO front brakes you idiot,what the hell do you think?"
I say ok...you fine me for that and i'll have to have you charged too.
Now he really goes nutts,,,,by this time the Staff sargent is back in the building hearing and looking things over...the tow truck has my truck hooked up,and he starts laughing.
And he says..."ahhh just what do you want officer (smith or what ever I cant remember right off hand) charged with?"
I said "impersonation of an intelligent human"...the old fella really starts laughing now....The "kid writing the ticket says "whats so funny anyway".....the old guy looks at him and says,,,You used your name to call that tow truck,this drivers truck has a FEDERAL grant to be in this state,and your dad is gonna skin you alive when he has to pay for the tow truck and this drivers time you just wasted.......
The kids father was a big mucky muck in the D.O.T and he was trying to earn a few extra brownie points.......

08-18-2001, 01:37 PM
Overhead: You're alright "for a Raiders fan." :D Now if we can just get you away from the dark side and get some red on you!

08-18-2001, 01:43 PM
Thanks Bwana,,,nice to come in here and not get "smaqued"just because I love the Raiders.
As for the dark side,,,sorry bud,been in it too many years to change,but heck look at it this way....now if I ever come in here mouthing off you can LYAO at me anyway.
I just enjoy football,and chatting to break up the time while I can when i'm on the road.I dont get online very often,only when I grab a motel room once in a blue moon,but it really helps to "get away from the B.S" that goes along with being gone from home 2-3 months at a time.

08-18-2001, 01:46 PM
So what do you haul??

08-18-2001, 01:48 PM


Being exposed to Chiefs fans for tonight's preseason game could be hazardous to your Dark-Side loyalty.


08-18-2001, 01:49 PM
Befor a crane operator knockeme 12 feet to the ground (we went to eat lunch he smoked it) I hauled machinery.These days I haul mainly dry goods,and industrial products.Currantly i'm in Jacksonville FL having just got a call my trailer is loaded.(Returned engine parts from Detroit Deisel) headding to Ohio for 2am monday,then I head to Brunswick OH to load pool tables back to Orlando.
Last week I was out in Montana delivering diapers.

08-18-2001, 01:51 PM
Thanks for the warning Luz...i'll take my Silver and Black pills for good measure...LOL

08-18-2001, 01:52 PM
"Last week I was out in Montana delivering diapers"

Really? I'm in Billings, did you make it through there on I-90?

08-18-2001, 01:54 PM
besides what would I do with my card collection if I went to the "Red Side".....the thought of parting with all those auto's from Stabler,Fredy B,Merv Hubbard,George Blanda,Lamonica,Tatum etc,etc,etc.........
GOD NO!!!!!:eek:

08-18-2001, 01:55 PM
Yeah I did,,,went to Butte.A walmart then dropped down to Chianne WY to reload for PA befor I headded to FL out of Baltimore

08-18-2001, 01:57 PM

I have a few suggestions for what you could do with them...


08-18-2001, 01:57 PM
If you caught a guy in a gold vet going by you at about a buck twenty, that was me.:D

As far as those cards, it's best to dispose of those things fast. Put them in a pile, fire up the match and burn baby burn! We here at the planet are a rather forgiving bunch and would welcome you as loyal a chief follower.:p

08-18-2001, 01:57 PM
Be nice will ya LUZ??? LMAO

08-18-2001, 01:59 PM
I generally run at night into the day break....never know I just might have seen ya.
Today i'm suffering miserably with an a/c cold.....90' out side and 55' in my truck,,,the extreams really play h*ll with me.

08-18-2001, 02:00 PM
Hey Luz,,,could I at least keep the ones with "Chiefs" in the back ground?.....LMAO

08-18-2001, 02:02 PM
good god! Burn a 90% compleat collection that goes back to 1960????,,,man you guy;s are a tough sell!:(

08-18-2001, 02:04 PM
"good god! Burn a 90% compleat collection that goes back to 1960????,,,man you guy;s are a tough sell!"

Hmm? I see your point....... Auction them off on ebay and you will have enough to lay out a down payment on a Trent Green Jersey.

08-18-2001, 03:15 PM
<cold shivers>..... T,T,T,T,T,Trent GGGGGGreen?.....man I just aint got what it takes to be a chiefs fan...roflmao

08-18-2001, 03:44 PM
Those are some funny stories! Especially the one with the BJ/Firecracker.

08-18-2001, 03:46 PM
cannibal...go read the one in the nick names thread,,,its the story of me falling off my truck naked in a snow bank...

08-18-2001, 04:02 PM
Some of the more usuall things I see in morning traffic,,,besides the ever popular "cell phone glued to the head so forget how to drive"...Is the assortment of ....
steering with knee while ..applying make up...reading the morning paper....eating a bowl of cerial....blow drying hair with a 12 volt dryer.....wiping down the interior or dash with what ever type of cleaner....digging into a brief case on the passenger set.....fiddling with a lap top on the pass seat...playing with the dog on lap while trying to see around rover.......playing with girl friend/wife on lap while trying to see around her....any and ALL sorts of sexual activity....well you get the piont...:rolleyes:

08-18-2001, 04:18 PM
Theres a certian guarantee in trucking...
What ever you just loaded was ordered a week late,,,shipped a week after that.....but you the driver are the one who get screamed at if you dont go from point A to point B in an insane time limit.
I just love how this happens.You book a load,that JUST NOW pop's up on the "load board" (the web site I go to to find loads)..and the load broker tells you ONLY AFTER you get it on the trailer ..."oh by the way it HAS to be there tomorrow".
NOw you gear up for a fun night of re-writing a log book several times,shoveling hand full after hand full of "what ever" to keep up for 24-36hrs at a time and ya feel like sh*t the next day,,,but hot dang,,,you made it!!!
Now here comes the kicker.....the goon at the dock looks at you with the blank "McDonalds attendant" stare and says somthing like......."ahhhh do ya have an apointment"?
Now what you reallly want to do is choke the sh*t outa him,,but you try in vain to explane that "THIS" is the load that was in such a rush,that the multi million dollar co. would shut the doors at 10am if they didnt get their goods by 6am to keep the 6 gazillion employies all supplied with butt wipe rags or what ever the heck else it was you had on the trailer.
You stand their for an hour while said "dumber than dirt" dock boy makes a million or 2 phone calls to see if your "ACME butt crack filler" is supposed to deliver today or next month...and guess what?......your 6 days eairly every time!!!!

08-18-2001, 06:33 PM
Along with having to be a clairvoint...you need to be part contortionest as well.(ok,ok,I cant spell!!:p )
Nothing will drive a guy battier than showing up at a loading dock and having the guy tell ya,,,"oh yeah "big" trucks come in here all the time.
Now this gets really intresting when your pulling a 53ft trailer as opposed to a 40ft "city" trailer,,,now compound that with the fact an average highway tractor is around 26ft long and a city truck (with no bunk) is about 14.....
Take the extra 13ft of trailer,and the 10 or so ft difference in cab lenghtand voila....you have somthing about 20-25ft longer that mr geinous at the dock is used to seeing.
Where am I going with this you might ask?......
Picture backing your car into a garage from a 90 degree angle....now....place a brick wall exaclty 8ft away from the mouth of that garage,and try backing into it!!
Some of these guys will design a multi million $$ complex but forget that in order to service it,ya need a weeee bit more room than 65ft from dock to said wall to fit the normal 75ft highway combination.....

Not really a gripe,more of a vent folks......

08-18-2001, 07:18 PM

You are hilarious!!!!!:D

~Pretty fly for a Raider guy! :p

Joe Seahawk
08-18-2001, 07:22 PM
Great stuff Overhead...LMAO...

08-18-2001, 07:26 PM
In all serriousness,,,everything I've written is TRUE.
I've often thought about writing a book,but didnt know if it would be worth reading (by others),,,tell me honestly,,,all the foot notes and stuff I've made over the years,,,If I did a book like this,would you actually read it?
I aint asken for a critique or trying to be the next Stephen King,,,but I've always wanted to write but understand just how hard it is.

08-18-2001, 07:28 PM
hey Joe and stryker...check out the "nick name thread"...its the first "story" I told to Bishop,,,also the most F'ing embarrasing moment of my life!!!!

08-18-2001, 07:30 PM
I read it as well as all the others. As for the book...

3 words my "RIVAL" friend:

GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

08-18-2001, 07:52 PM
Now most of you have had that "slip in the rain" story to relate...this one happened on a misseriable night in Pittsburg.
I was at some grocerie center loading dock at O dark hundred when this dude ..oh lets call him "Loading dock Louie" descides that I not he should hand load 550 cases of "pampers"(as in baby diappers) into my trailer. While I wont give a verbatum on the dialouge,,it suffice to say the "F" word got used mighty liberally that evening. He figured my C.D.L...(commercial drivers licence) stood for Combination Driver Loader.
Getting ever more P*ssed by the min,as I was already 4 hrs late,ole' "Louie" descides now is a great time to "spark up a fatty".
Ok,,,now i'm seeing red!!!( I have to take random pee tests and I cant have any) I storm down the dock towards my truck,,,ahhhh did I mention it was raining? more like a friggen monsoon.... I did.... Good!
Because at exactly the same time my foot "thought" it was firmly decending the stairs to the parking lot below the dock,I began to see the stairs up close and personal.Yeppper...here's our "big time trucking hero" doing the Swan river head stand down a flight of stairs.
I read a book once where the author stated that he had this relationship with pain...."if I hurt then I know i'm still alive"....Trust me folks,,,I was very F'ing much alive at this moment!
"Louie" naerly p*ssed himself laughing at me,and now having firmly drenched m'self in Lake Utopia which had developed at the foot of the staris I limped back to the cab,for some dry cloths.
A funny thing happens when a parking lot gets all wet....the oils, grease and road slime from vehicles seem to come right out of the asphalt ,and cling to your shoes like baby sh*t to a blanket but as slippery as slick 50.........(keep this in mind,)..............
Now in the cab,and changed,put on a few band aids to ease my bleeding knee caps, light up a smoke and begin to try and out wait "Loading dock Louie" as to who exactly was gonna "finger print these here pampers. NO CONTEST!! As fast as he downed said "fatty" he passed out on the dock.
I begin to climb out of the truck now I'm really good and mad!!....
They teach you in safty school never have less than 2 points of contact between you and your truck when getting in and out of said vehical..(at least 1 hand on a grab handle or other solid means of support,with 1 or more body parts in relativly the same position) A good rule,,,,A REALLY GOOD RULE!!!!!
Guess what gentle readers???...the only point of contact at this piticular moment was my sneaker,,,,,,,,whats that you say?...Ahhhh you remembered the slimy gunk on the bottem of said sneaker from 3 partagraphs agao,,,.so like I really dont have to tell you what happend next do I ???
Mellon first onto the ole' ground AGAIN but only after preforming what must have been a compleat summersault on the way down which I would imagine looked like a cross between an elephant doing the splits and an albatros trying to take flight.

To make a long story short,I went through 3 sets of cloths , "Louie" never did wake back up and I spent the night like a drowned rat tossing casses of pampers in to my trailer.!!!!


08-18-2001, 08:53 PM
Ok...one last one before I call it a night ,as my trailer is loaded and I have to get headding for Ohio.
Back a few years ago I used to pull flat bed trailers,now these are just dandy for hauling x-mass trees on.In a closed box trailer you can get ohhh 4-500 trees.On a flat bed,well heck,,,how greedy are ya?...I've personally gotten 750-900 on one.This of cource doesnt come with out some sacrafice!!
That would be the legal hight your allowed to run (13'6") Now a real funny thing happens when you start boogieing up the Blvd 15'6" tall with a load of "ho-ho bushes"....first off they WILL settle a bit,so when you come to the first state scale house ,all they make you do is try to tighten your cargo straps down a bit more,and send you on your way. I'm here to tell ya from first hand expearience....you might squash 14'6 down to 13'6'...and if your really BIG and strong ya might even get 15" down to 13'6"....but aint no way in hell yer EVER gonna get 15'6" to the 13-6 line.
You first happen to go under a few underpasses.....Ahhhhh the memories,,,,you feel the thud,knowing your load has "shrunk" a bit,you look in the mirrors to see if all's well only to see the "green cloud of pine needles" disapate,and be replaced by the funky red and blue's of a state trooper!
Ok...after he reams you a new hole,,your on your way to the "Big Apple"...yepper NYC,great place,used to love starting in Yonkers and going out to Long Isl with 15-20 dropps.
The first few are mighty neat,especially if the guys helping you......(read that : catching the trees YOU throw off the top of the trailer to them) unload are first timers,,or just temp help who have been having "cock-tails" to keep warm while waiting for you to show up.....
And trust me it never fails to be the coldest day of the week/year/century when you have to hump almost a 1000 "ho-ho-bushes" off your trailer.
The first few trees uysually look like building grade lumber "Good one side"....(refer back to the hight and underpass thing) this one year I skun up the top trees on the load dang near perfectly.
They could have laid flat against a wall......so thats what I told this guy on 141st st in Manhattan. ( See a driver has to come good for damaged trees and I do hate giving away $$$) He says....."WTF are these"??? I replied "arent you the one who ordered the .....(god i'm good on my feet at thinking quick) "APARTMENT TREES"....he looks at me like I have 3 heads and again says "WTF".....I explane to him how their the biggest rage in canada this year,,,and selling like hot cakes,as people in small appt's. can now have a big tree in half the space.Ya just stand it flush to a wall staple it in place and voliaaa!
I'd like to think it was my sales men ship that seald the deal...not the fifth of Jack he had obviously inhaled that day....He bought it hook line and sinker!!

08-18-2001, 09:10 PM
well guys..thats it for me. Hope you've enjoyed a few stories of "every day life " on the road.I know it brought back more than a few laughable memories for me.Hope I can pop in again soon.
Who knows??..I just may write that book somday...........

Heres to a great year of rivalries and highlights.See ya in the trenches

11-01-2001, 12:06 AM
I'm trying to keep this thread active for those out there that may enjoy a chuckel at my expence!!

11-01-2001, 12:17 AM
Heres one from a not too long ago trip......

I was in a resturant /trk stop..when I over hear 2 folks going at it.(Couldnt help but over hear they were screaming!!)Now I had Nick with me...(he's built like a fire hydrant ..no neck all muscle)This guy..who we can call "Larry Lovelorn" was mighty persistant in going home with this woman...While she kept saying NO,,,he figured it was "in the bag"....
Now i'm no prude.....but after a long day of fighting 4 wheelers I was gettinga bit tired of this "soap opra"....
So I get up out of the booth,,,,after looking at Nick and saying ...."if this goes sour,,back me up"....And look at Joe Casanova ands say..."Knock it off bub,,,The lady said NO!"...
....Well..First I get a wide eye'd stare from him.But to my utter belief SHE jumps up and says......"Mind your own God D*mn busness!!"...turns to "Larry"and says....""Come on,,lest get out of here!".
I sheepshly slid back into my own booth and see Nick laughing his bloody, head off,just as he sputters......

"I was gonna jump in Over-Head...but that gal didnt look so tough,,any way Your still my hero".....
Took 2 weeks for me to live that one down!!

11-01-2001, 12:36 AM
OK....now this one dont involve me..its one I heard over a cup offf coffee............

Million Mile Max was was climbing up the east side of "Rodgers Pass"..(in BC canada,,on the Trans Canada highway)with his new rookie/trainee Nervious Ned.
This pass is (I've been here folks!!!!) a mighty steep up hill grade for many miles,and the further up they go the worse the weather gets.,ANYWAY,,,,their climbing away,,,and about 3/4 the way up,is when they SHOULD have stopped and put tire chains on the drives of the Tractor for traction.....
Well the ole' Truck with her load of steal "wipes her feet" (trucker slang for "starts to spin") on an icy section.And of cource by now you can hear the snow flakes falling on the hood cuz it's snowing so hard outside,and ole' Max is attempting to chew through the ice to hold er' on the hill and its about as usles as a diaper on a buffalo.
The rig starts sliding backwards,Max lets er' go,and Nervious Ned go's ballastic.While the truck and trailer are going backwards down the mountain,Max ever so gently steers the trailer into the shoulder snow bank,where it fetches up!
NOW THE STORY REALLY GETS GOOD!!....he wips er' around,catches a gear,and startes back down the hill to a flat spot to chain up,,,then clears the mountain on the second try.So much for gods gift to truck driving!
Rumer has it when Max hit the bottem he took the grey hound home,and today is driving a delivery van for Eatons!,,,Acording to Ned,Max lost it and should be put away,Acording to Max,,,its a story that ....."you aint gonna believe this,but I swear it's true"!!!

11-01-2001, 01:09 AM
Ok...back in 90' I went "up on the ice " for the first time,,,,(Driving the ice feilds of the Yukon,and North West Territories).And man was I green as to the "ways of the old guy's"......

This one day,i'm siting in a base camp when the boss come out and says I need a crew to do me a favore....(years later I now know,,you fake a ruptured apendix befor you do a camp boss a favor!)
It seemed that there was an old shed that neede moved up the ice a few miles.Now this camp boss had sort of taken it over from the last "crew" that was ther storing old tires and what have you in it.
So the plan was,,,with a pole and winch truck to lift it,,,put a set of portable axles under it,,,and drag it across the ice roads to it new home.
As we start to unload all the junk from insie we discover to our UTTER delight a half empty jug of clearliquid.Now these guys i'm with have been around,and it took all of a 3rd and inches fast audibal to determine it was moonshine!!Hell they even identified the the brand!
A snif and a finger lick conviences "Zoro" that it was Walter what's hisnames,while "Chips" is sure its Steve Simplysmashing's" brew.
The jug gets passed aroundand my little snort BARLY stays down,I didnt get sick or anything but my body just didnt need to feel "jet fuel " in it at 9am.
A half hr later these guys are stewed!!
Lets just drag er' cross the ice on er' skids " is "Zoro's" idea. "I mean the ice road is ICE and all...so it'll slide right?"...Who am I to not trust the judjement of a 25yr vetran of the ice feilds????
So here we go...2 guys with the Jug in the winch trk,,,and me with "Zoro" following behind in the co.pickup.
Well th ole' shack slid mighty fine the first few miles,and them two nuts "Chip's",and "Lester" are flying along lie they actually DID put a set of wheels under that shack.
BUt when we arrived at a paved section of road we had to follow for a mile or so...they forgot about the lack of wheels......

Well they took the turn onto the DRY road like a rocket on rails nearly sending the shack into the ditch on the far side.And peices of the sjkids the shack sat onwere flying out like the skin off of a peeled banana.

Now to this day I really dont know weither it was somthing IN the shed,,or the skids that cought fire,,,but by the time we got 2 miles up the road it was burning quite well and fine by it's self!
So now with "Zoro" passed oput beside me,,,and the other 2 a mess,,,,,,somone has to call the boss right?Was I scared?....Do rubber bots make yer feet smelll?? DAMN right I was
When the boss got there he just looked at me and said take the co.truck back to the camp...as for Zoro,Chip,and Lester....well the a$$ rippen them 3 got just aint printable!!

11-01-2001, 11:04 AM
You're not so bad, for a Raiders fan. You just need to get rid of that sig.
These trucker stories are great. Love 'em. Got any more?:D

11-01-2001, 11:50 AM
Last night, "on the road" I saw an Opossum that looked like it had been run over 3-4 times...direct hits.

I thought to myself "at least another raider fan can feed his family tonight". ;)

01-13-2002, 08:06 AM
Just a quick one to keep this thread currant...Hope you get a laugh out of it, even at my expense.

............If you've read any of the previous stories,you've already figured out that for the most part truckers are a "breed of their own". And in the years I've been in the industry, one thing i've learned is true! While your at "Insert name here" truck stop in "insert name of town/state here" you can always cheer up an otherwise rotten day by sitting "near" the coffee counter and listening to the incredible (read that ...impossible, mind numming and I just ain't buying this sh*t) stories they have to tell on another. And trust me, the coffee counter stories are always the best *ones*?!?.

Now the coffee counter is a world of its own. There are some prerequisists for being able (read that allowed) to sit there. Now I'm not talking about the big sign hanging that says "Professional Drivers Only". No gentle readers this goes much further. First and foremost you must have the ten gallon hat--two sizes too large, the chain drive wallet, the quick draw pencil holder (the leather pouch with two holes for hanging pens..or pencils...much like a pocket protecter the geek in school used to wear, only not in your shirt)..hanging from your belt, the stearing wheel belt buckle holding together said belt, which holds up said quick draw pencil holder, hanging beside the belt clip holding 400 keys and 18 feathers that hangs to their knees of which 300 they have NO idea what they are used for.

Now cap this off with the hundred dollar "Tony Lamas" which 9 times out of 10 are $30 K-mart specials...(just dont' ever say that to their face)..which are wrapped with the steal bumpers in the front and the spurs on the back....jingle jangling as they walk. Pretty picture ...ain't it folks. Now wrap a leather vest around him, hang a winston ever so precariously from his bottom lip, 4 days growth stubble on face and eyeballs that look like two pi$$ holes in the snow.

Now if you can accomplish all of this and still walk like you just got kicked in the nutts but not have the "Oh My God This Hurts" look on your face, you too can sit at the coffee counter. But I might add...you also have to be able to talk normally yet be the loudest idiot in the whole restaurant.

PS....I don't sit at the coffee counter,just close enough to laugh!;)

01-15-2002, 07:24 PM
Here's one from wayyyy back.

A lot of guy's *claim* it was them it happend to,as for me it was not nor ever will be.!

...........As the story goes...."Billy Big Rigger" is on his way to *the other country* (be it from USA to CAN or vise versa) with a load of ...You guessed it............PING PONG BALLS!
Now this isn't just *any* load,,,no sir'eeee. This is a "honest to god,I swear it was even though you may not believe it" LOOSE load of ping pong balls.
Loose?....Why yes gentil reader,,,now is about the time where he draws you close to explane how they *blew the load into the trailer through the front "fruit hatch"...(a fruit hatch is a vent door on both ends of a trailer,more noted on refirigerated ones for fresh air circulation) with a big ole hose,,,,,so they can get more into the trailer,...UH HUHHHH sure they did.:rolleyes:
You see the packaging would take up much more space so they blow them in loose.
Now as "Billy Big Rigger" reaches the border the coustoms and immograting inspectors deside they want to look at and inspect his load.
Now ole' Billy try's in vain to explane how the load is "A gazillion" LOOSE ping pong balls,and if they open his doors they'll all fall out!!

Now I crossed the American/Canadian border more times in the run of a "normal" year...than most folks will in their entire life time,and while I dont necessiarly have a love affair with *most coustoms officers,I realise they do have a job to do.Mind you some are as dumb as a fence post (like the collage kids they use at Niagra falls in the summer).*most do a pritty fair job,and really won't hassle you UNLESS provoked...BUTTTTTTTTTT there are a few exceptions,,,(most noted at the Windsor/ Detroit border BOTH ways!!)

Well the "good ole' boycoustoms inspector"dont listen to the explination of how when Billy reaches his delivery that he'll un hook from the trailer and the plant will lift it up on a big platform and open the back doors with a hydrolic ram of some sort or another,,,and let em' roll on out!

(BTW this is exactly how wood chips are unloaded at lumber mills)

And low and behold,,,the coustoms gard opens the door and all holy heck breaks loose!,,
Ping Pong Balls start go'n every where,and Billy sits back and laughs while the coustomes guards start picking up the balls.

......Now aint that a pip?

Rain Man
01-15-2002, 07:59 PM
With regard to the coffee counter, can I sit there if I'm not a trucker and dress like that?

01-15-2002, 08:02 PM
Fill your boots Kevin,,,,or shoud I say prepare to have them filled for ya....Man the SH*T fly's around the counter.I guess it's just so open an audience for "a guy prone to stretchen it a bit"..and he can talk to many at once.

Hope you got a laugh at some of the stories I wrote

01-17-2002, 11:33 AM
Some times we get laughed at from somthing we do,say,or had happen to us.Here's one that happened to me and as humilliating as this is I SWEAR IT'S THE TRUTH....

On winters night i'm sleeping in a rest area in ILL.I wake up having to pee really bad.Looking quickly for a gator aid bottle or what ever else (gross I know but hey,it works when the can is a 1/4 mile away and your on the off ramp leading out of the rest area)
Not finding one,I know its only a matter of time befor I have a puddle in the trk if I dont do somthing quick....Being partially hidden by the trees,I open the pasangers door,and sort of kneel on the seat with one leg out on the running board and do my thing.well,while in the process begin freezing my foot,I start to lose my ballance so I step out fully on the running board,and shimmy a bit from te frozen aluminum running bords against my bear feet,just about the time a big ole gust of wind comes wipping down the side of my trk and trailer toward me....shivering like a fool,I really lose my ballance just about the same time the said gust of wind hits the door and sends me bare a$$ naked falling into a snow bank...........STOP LAUGHING IT GETS BETTER

Now here I am ,trying not to freeze to death and another gust of wind swings my door back the other way......Let me stop at this point to bring to your attention that the doors of a Freightliner dont UN-LOCK just because you open them from the inside.....back to the story.........

As I scramble for the door,I slip and said door closes,,,me out side,,,naked in a snow bank,with the door keys resting snuggly in my pants pocket ON THE FLOOR BY MY BED!!
Now I figure in about 4 min i'm gonna freeze to death out here,I I start holding on to the mirror arm,hanging off t cab of the truck like a feeble attempt at playing tarzan, and begin kicking the small vent glass window in the passangers door on the bottem.....about this time 1 big mother of an ILL state trooper is walking up behind said "naked white boy trying to break into said truck"
When He hollered freeze I fell into the snow bank a second time,and as I got up doing quite an amazing version of the funky chicken trying to stay warm I said sir,,,"just shoot me now will ya"
He says...I'm gonna pop that door with a slim jim...and god help ya if there aint a picture id with you on it in there!!!!

And you thought you were having a bad day

01-17-2002, 11:41 AM

Who do you haul for?

I have a brother who hauls for Dart who is unfortunately a Raider fan also...

01-17-2002, 11:46 AM
I'm an indepentant but I'm Landstar Ligon (out of Jacksonville)Qualified.I trip lease to them,or their agents almost exclusivly.

02-09-2002, 03:03 PM
oK,,WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.Here's a few Bigies from years gone by.

One I heard over a cup of coffee way back when went somthing like this.................
Seems A driver was given the keys to a brand new Cab Over Freightliner specially spec'd out for hauling low boy trailers.Any way,,the first night he has the truck parked at the yard just down the road from his house,locked up,but the keys in it so teh service mechanic coulod do his thing the next morning. the truck get's boosted!
By mid morning when the company calls for him to bring the truck down for servicing,,the driver relates where he left the unit,,,after the cops show up,and the insurance people get involved the case with little to go on,,,gets colder than a penguin's ***.
BUT THEN..............
A couple of months later this shady looking fella drives up to the shop in an old and abused pick up truck,and offers the head mechanic a "used" 13spd transmission for sale *cheap* then takes him out side the shop for a look see.
The first thing that catches the mechanic's eye is the fact that this "used tranny" dont have a drop of dirt/oil/or road grime on it,,,,and then he spot's the *almost ground off serial numbers*.
The shop forman comes out on the scean and hear's the offer,tells teh seller "hold tight while I calll the office to cut you a cheque"
In reality the forman called the cops,,,who actually showed up in the same hour...and the seller stayed at te party a weeeee bit too long!
To make a long story short the fella squeels like a stuck pig on the parts scam,and the trail leads back to a farmer in western Canada,who along with a few others get's busted with a barn fgull of *old parts* he's usuing to subsidizing his grain quota.
He'd steal the truck,strip the parts,then BURY the cab's and frames.
But they hadn't even had time to bury the Cab over they stole. (refer to first paragraph)
Someone was said to be over heard saying....."No wonder farmer Brown cant grow enough grain.....His bloody feild has so many cab's buried in it it's solid steel!"
Had the dude the farmer told to go sell the tranny gone to a chop shop and not a rescectibl co. the 2 just might be still in busness.

02-09-2002, 03:15 PM
Here's a driver mistake that just kill's me when I think about it....
Back a few years ago I was leased to an outfit which used to send me out to western Canada quite often.
We had hired a new driver and he had made one sucessfull trip from Edmonton to Vancouver,branch to branch both ways and it went well.
His second trip was to take him to a smelter plant in "Trail British Columbia" Later the second afternoon the driver makes a call to dispatch and ask's if he knows how to find the plant.
I was in the office and the exchange I heard on the speaker phone went somtbhing like this.
Dispatch:....you see any smoke stacks?
driver...........ah no,,,no stacks.
Dispatch:...thats funny,,,you can see them from anywhere in the town.Which side of town are ya on?
driver:........the east side
Dispatch.....Are you sure?..from there you should be almost on top of the plant.What can you see?
driver:.........ahhhh the Port Mann scale i'm calling you from.
Dispatcher" Oh jim dandy! Your almost to VANCOUVER!!! you only missed Trail by 200miles.Look at your paper work.

A few seconds of silence and then..........

driver...: oh yeahhhhh Hehehe,,,guess i'll head back and call ya in the morning.

Ok...why does this crack me up?.....
Here's why...in order for the driver to have gotten to the Port MAnn scale to call he would have had to made a left turn right in front of the COMINCO SMELTER PLANT he had left 200 miles behind him!!!!:rolleyes:

02-09-2002, 08:13 PM
There's an unwritten law that states A) The boss is never wrong,,,and B)If the boss does in fact make a mistake,,,refer to law A.
Well here's one from the last company I worked for...and boy it's a doozie!!:eek:
Seems the boss commited to moving a peice of heavy equipment for a coustermer,and then discovered that dispatch didnt have any avaliable trucks to do it.He couldnt beg borrow or stael help from anyone! So he take s a city truck to go load it,and brings it back to the yard HOPING a driver would show up to take the dozer down the highway.
The boss is standing in the dispatcher's office when a fairly new looking truck with no name on the door roll's into the yard.He say's..."hire that guy.Load the D-8 onto him,,,and get his *** to Toronto PRONTO and dont be any more than a half hour doing it!
"What about test drive and back ground check's " asked the dispatcher,,,"that'll blow holes in our hiring policy"
"I dont give a rusty flying F word about that sh*t" screams the boss ..."we'll do it when he gats back!"
Well the guy gets a job,,and away he goes....and the boss is on the phone to the coustermer saying "your D-8 will be there day after tomorrow!
FOUR days later our office gets a call at 8am sharp, from the coustomer...."where's our BLANKITY BLANK MOTHERBLANKING DOZER?????"
The second call comes in at 8:01 sharp from the RCMP wondering if our outfit had seen a stolen truck,that perfectly matched our *newest owner operator"?
Do I really have to tell you that the dozer disappeared like a lead life preserbver?
Three weeks later though,the trailer was spotted and the equipment recovered...did we feel sorry for the boss?....NOT!!!!

03-31-2002, 12:22 AM
Talk about making yer self feel stupid!:huh:
Last week I was at a truck stop just out side Toronto Ont,filling up my rig.This really nice Peterbuilt comes in besdie me and begins to fuel up as well.
WE both go in to pay for our deisel and come back out to our trucks but I notice that his has liquid falling out from under it.
I say shut er' down quick and lets take a look.(Being a former mechanic,I could pritty much tell it was rad fluid and there's only so many spots it can come from,so the repair shouldn't have been too hard.)
He pop's the hood,and see's what I see,,,a busted Rad hose right by the clamp comming out ot the top of the rad.Looking at me he says,,,with a bit of a southern drawl we Canadians pick right up on ...."Y'all know of a shop that can send out a service truck to get me fix'ed up"?
I looked at it and said,,"Hang on a sec,,I think I can jerry rig it up to get you to the Pete dealer just down 3 exits".
Making a long story short,I cut the hose compleatly,took out a bit of slack,pulled a new hose clamp out of my "TRUSTY" tool box which several of my friends claim has ONE of EVERYTHING known to mankind in it...tighten it up,help him top off the rad fluid and close the hood.
Feeling good about just helping somone is usually all the thanks I ever ask for...too many people in life have their hands stuck out,,,or just dont bother to help folks anymore.
..He says ..."What do I owe ya"?..I replied,,,"Buy me a coffe somtime and we'll call it square...You dont owe me a thing pal...welcom to Canada and have a great trip".
He askes me for my ph number and stuff..(I just gave him a busnes card)..and says if I ever get to TN,,look him up,and by the way 1 of his bosses will probably call to personally thank me,,"cuz it's just the way they are" he says.
I though nothing of it at all....UNTILL!!!!

About 2 hrs later i'm sitting in my truck nuking lunch (I have a microwave in my bunk) when my cell rings.....
Now I cant rmrmber looking at the lettering on the side of the guy's truck,,but I'm sure it didnt say what I now think it said!!!!

The call went somthing like this....(and the caller had a suthern drawl as well)
Ahhh,,it this Mr Over-Head?
Yeah,thats me,,,who's this?
This is the owner of the truck you just helped out,and I wanted to ask you a few questions...
(First I think,,Oh boy,,he's mad,adn now i'm in for it...)
Go ahead I say,,,what did ya want to know?
Well,,,he says what exactly did you do so I know what to tell teh Pete shop to look for?
I say,,"I shortned up the rad hose,clamped it,stuffed er' full a juice and told him to gouge on it to the next exit".
bit of a silence came over th3e phone,,,,
Ahhh Mr Over-Head...what exactly does that mean?
Ok,,now i'm lost,,he owns trucks and dont know what I just said?????
Befor I could answer,he than says.."You see I dont know much about our trucks,,its not really the end of the company i'm in."
OH GREAT!:rolleyes:
I'm dealing with a bean counter I think...
"I'm in the musical end." he says..But then again you probably figured that out"
I replied..."How would I know that?...and by the way who the fu#k is this any way?"
"Oh excuse me he says...This is Kixx Brooks, (YES PEOPLE!!! FROM THE COUNTRY GROUP BROOKS AND DUNN!!!)I thought you knew who owned the truck,didnt my driver tell you?"
Now i'm getting anoyed...
"All right Billy quit fu#king around will ya?".....
Billy is my best friend in the whole world,(even though he hates football) and is ALWAYS pulling gag's like this on me.
The line goes really quiet and then the voice says...
"I don't know who Billy is,,but are you the fella that fixed up our equipment truck"?
I think for a quick second,,,and it hits me,,,Billy hasnt called me yet today,,how would he know I helped a fella fix his truck??
"OH DEAR GOD " I shreak in the phone...:"I'm sorry....I thought it was my friend playing a gag as he knows I really like your music and couldnt get tickets to your show in Ottawa on the 13th cus they were sold out"....
Now feeling compleatly stupid and not knowing what to say,,,I begin to appoligise profusly over and over...
...he says..."Not to worry,,,we really wanted to thank you fro your kindness and to let you know there's going to be 2 back stage passes for you at all 4 of our Canadian Shows next month,,just kind of our way to say thanks for the free help"!
I hung up the phone thinking wow,,,it aint every day you get to talk to a star,,,then got to thinking,ahh hell it was probably just some manager or somthing. That was until today.You see I just got back home from a raod trip about 3 hrs ago,,,and when I opened my mail I say a BIG letter from the Brooks and Dunn offices...In it were letters for the back stage passes,and autographed pictures for me...done in real ink,,not just some printed litograph style.
Now thats a story i'll always remember!!!!!

Fat Elvis
03-31-2002, 12:37 AM
I'm glad to hear that a good deed was done.
I'm also glad to hear that it was appreciated.
Have fun at the concerts.

03-19-2005, 07:33 AM
It's taken a few years, But I finished the manuscript a month or so ago, sent it to an editor in Toronto who forwarded it along to a publisher, who VERY intrested in doing my book. PBJ

03-23-2005, 06:07 PM
You should start your own blogger.

go to http://www.blogspot.com and share your travel stories with everyone across the globe. I'm sure people would love it.

03-24-2005, 05:03 AM
It seems to me that Over-Head is the ORIGINAL Commatard...


04-01-2005, 02:38 AM
Didja see this on?

04-16-2005, 02:32 AM
You should start your own blogger.

go to http://www.blogspot.com and share your travel stories with everyone across the globe. I'm sure people would love it.

No clue what a "blogger" is, but i'm planning on sharing my "road stories", the old fashion way.
Yes folks, you'll have to read with out usuing a keyboard and mouse ROFL

Not to mention I get a nifty little thing called an advance for writing it :thumb:

01-29-2009, 07:37 AM
great thread, please consider a follow up.

10-14-2009, 05:50 PM
This one needs a bump, funny stuff!

Pink Paradise 2010
11-04-2009, 06:32 PM
wow....lol.... LMAO

01-11-2011, 05:28 PM
I have been seeing a guy, for a while now. He is not my boy friend but we spend a lot of time together.
Problem is he refuses to kiss me. Don't get me wrong we have done everything else but kiss.
I'm 22 and he is 24, and he says he doesn't kiss because he did it so much in high school that he got tired of it.
How do people get tired of kissing. I'm desperate, we have had many arguments over the issue and I don't want to just go ahead and kiss him cause he obviously doesn't want to and I don't want to feel like I'm disrespecting him.
I feel we are in the movie pretty women except he's the prostitute and I'm just the girl, since he won't kiss.
What can I do?????
I mean is he just afraid of getting emotionally attached if he kisses me? or could he be BI.
I mean a guy at his age should be more mature about things.
Well please help this is really bothering me.


Sofa King
01-13-2011, 01:16 PM
I have been seeing a guy, for a while now. He is not my boy friend but we spend a lot of time together.
Problem is he refuses to kiss me. Don't get me wrong we have done everything else but kiss.
I'm 22 and he is 24, and he says he doesn't kiss because he did it so much in high school that he got tired of it.
How do people get tired of kissing. I'm desperate, we have had many arguments over the issue and I don't want to just go ahead and kiss him cause he obviously doesn't want to and I don't want to feel like I'm disrespecting him.
I feel we are in the movie pretty women except he's the prostitute and I'm just the girl, since he won't kiss.
What can I do?????
I mean is he just afraid of getting emotionally attached if he kisses me? or could he be BI.
I mean a guy at his age should be more mature about things.
Well please help this is really bothering me.


It might help if you post naked pictures of yourself on the internet. He'll get jealous and kiss you.

EDIT: you better not be a mult.