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Simply Red
06-12-2008, 02:56 PM
It takes a real man to admit he jerks it...

Stewie
06-12-2008, 02:58 PM
TMI. I have a GF so she... uh, yeah... takes care of me.

chasedude
06-12-2008, 03:00 PM
Currently single, no gf... just like shaving with guys, everyday.

seclark
06-12-2008, 03:00 PM
hog farmer blast in 3...2...1
sec

Bowser
06-12-2008, 03:01 PM
I'm married, which means these days I jerk it more than when I was 15.

CoMoChief
06-12-2008, 03:02 PM
Why would anyone want to know these kinds of things?

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:03 PM
Why would anyone want to know these kinds of things?

It takes a man to admit he jerks.

Bowser
06-12-2008, 03:06 PM
Why would anyone want to know these kinds of things?

Donger dared Red to start this thread.

Donger
06-12-2008, 03:08 PM
That poll is inadequate.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:09 PM
Donger dared Red to start this thread.

How did you know that?

StcChief
06-12-2008, 03:09 PM
hog farmer blast in 3...2...1
secROFLROFL:shake: bad visual.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:09 PM
That poll is inadequate.

why? how?

ChiefsFanatic
06-12-2008, 03:10 PM
It takes a man to admit he jerks.

I just caught a rerun of According To Jim, where Jim admits he does not like birthday parties because when he was 13, he thought everyone forgot his birthday. So, when he got home from school he sat down with his mom's bra catalogue and started to "unwrap" his own present.

Only, just at that moment, everyone jumped out and yelled surprise. Then, as if that was not bad enough, he admits that he could not stop.

Of course, being a sitcom, the baby monitor was on, and everyone downstairs heard the whole thing. They all come upstairs to tell him it is ok, that he was only 13.

The best line was delivered by his brother-in-law, Andy. Andy said "It's no big deal, Jim. Everyone does it. Some of us even use it as a sleep aid."

seclark
06-12-2008, 03:12 PM
ROFLROFL:shake: bad visual.

i noticed that after the fact...yuck!
sec

siberian khatru
06-12-2008, 03:13 PM
I'm married, which means these days I jerk it more than when I was 15.

ROFLROFLROFL


Er, uh, I don't know why I'm laughing at that. Just being polite, I guess.

Rausch
06-12-2008, 03:15 PM
It takes a man to admit he jerks.

It takes a gay man to ask how often...

Donger
06-12-2008, 03:15 PM
Donger dared Red to start this thread.

I did?

Donger
06-12-2008, 03:16 PM
why? how?

It assumes that one masturbates daily or not at all.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:19 PM
It assumes that one masturbates daily or not at all.

yeah, I guess so.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:20 PM
It takes a gay man to ask how often...

PHOBE

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:21 PM
Everybody knows I'm brilliant at creating interest at this place (it's no big secret), yes, even if it is absurd and bordering on grossness.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:22 PM
It takes a gay man to ask how often...


No, No, I just want to be certain 7X per day is in the norm, based on the census. :(

Donger
06-12-2008, 03:23 PM
My wife asked me recently what I thought of/fantasized about while masturbating.

I answered: "Your sister."

That is apparently not the correct answer.

Rausch
06-12-2008, 03:24 PM
PHOBE

Sorry, you have to fear or hate to be a phobe. Or wear pink socks.

I'm a garden variety azzhole. Doesn't qualify when you hate everyone.:evil:

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:27 PM
Sorry, you have to fear or hate to be a phobe. Or wear pink socks.

I'm a garden variety azzhole. Doesn't qualify when you hate everyone.:evil:

blah, I'm not gay, I did think this would be a stupid thread, but hey; Donger dared me.

Redrum_69
06-12-2008, 03:28 PM
depends on how many times your mom drops by to visit

Donger
06-12-2008, 03:28 PM
blah, I'm not gay, I did think this would be a stupid thread, but hey; Donger dared me.

If you actually had any balls, you would have asked if folks go dry or lubed.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:29 PM
:eek::shake:If you actually had any balls, you would have asked if folks go dry or lubed.

ROFL:grr::mad::rolleyes::clap::cuss:

Redrum_69
06-12-2008, 03:30 PM
If you actually had any balls, you would have asked if folks go dry or lubed.


I dare simply red to log on to his premium WPI account and post this same topic over there.

Stewie
06-12-2008, 03:31 PM
Donger lubes with big oil.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:31 PM
I dare simply red to log on to his premium WPI account and post this same topic over there.

ROFL I'm going to create a `dry` or `lubed` thread. Just wait.

ChiefsFanatic
06-12-2008, 03:36 PM
My wife asked me recently what I thought of/fantasized about while masturbating.

I answered: "Your sister."

That is apparently not the correct answer.

Been there, Brother. I could have told you that was the wrong answer. Now, the next time you and her sister are alone in the same room, your wife will be thinking you are doing things you should not be doing.

Redrum_69
06-12-2008, 03:37 PM
ROFL I'm going to create a `dry` or `lubed` thread. Just wait.


you may want to include options for peanut butter or jelly...for the athan twins...

Redrum_69
06-12-2008, 03:40 PM
also, for those who voted 6x or more a day....your mom listens to your abuse.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:43 PM
also, for those who voted 6x or more a day....your mom listens to your abuse.

E U

The Rick
06-12-2008, 03:46 PM
I'm married, which means these days I jerk it more than when I was 15.
Ha! Ain't that the truth! :)

keg in kc
06-12-2008, 03:54 PM
It takes a gay man to ask how often...Seriously.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:55 PM
Seriously.

He wasn't talking to you.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 03:56 PM
Seriously.

PHOBE

CoMoChief
06-12-2008, 04:00 PM
It takes a man to admit he jerks.

I'm not saying I don't.

I just don't know why other men wanna know how much or how many times a day people tug on the ol' purple headed yogurt slinger.

BigRedChief
06-12-2008, 04:07 PM
You want to be a real man and show everyone.....Make it a public poll.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:07 PM
I'm not saying I don't.

I just don't know why other men wanna know how much or how many times a day people tug on the ol' purple headed yogurt slinger.

I'm not gay, lets get that out right now.

I thought it'd be a fun/stupid thread. Don't be mad at me because I have balls. I like all of you all. I REALLY DO.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:07 PM
You want to be a real man and show everyone.....Make it a public poll.

ROFL

Donger
06-12-2008, 04:10 PM
I'm not saying I don't.

I just don't know why other men wanna know how much or how many times a day people tug on the ol' purple headed yogurt slinger.

Maybe Simply Red is trying to judge whether or not his masturbatory frequency is in line with other folks?

Or, perhaps this thread is providing him with jerk off material.

Crashride
06-12-2008, 04:14 PM
Got a girl. Once a day. Dry. FAP.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:15 PM
Got a girl. Once a day. Dry. FAP.

I don't know what `FAP` is.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:15 PM
Maybe Simply Red is trying to judge whether or not his masturbatory frequency is in line with other folks?

Or, perhaps this thread is providing him with jerk off material.

Yes.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:16 PM
Maybe Simply Red is trying to judge whether or not his masturbatory frequency is in line with other folks?

Or, perhaps this thread is providing him with jerk off material.

No.

Donger
06-12-2008, 04:16 PM
I don't know what `FAP` is.

It's the sound that is produced when you masturbate furiously while lubricated.

Donger
06-12-2008, 04:18 PM
No.

I don't believe you.

Anyway, here's a good question (and one that all women want to know): How long, on average, do your masturbatory sessions last? Also, how long was the longest session? The shortest?

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:38 PM
I don't believe you.

Anyway, here's a good question (and one that all women want to know): How long, on average, do your masturbatory sessions last? Also, how long was the longest session? The shortest?

proprietary. Only for mine and PaLmela Anderson's ears.

Donger
06-12-2008, 04:40 PM
proprietary. Only for mine and PaLmela Anderson's ears.

I'd have to say average is about four minutes.

Longest is about 20 minutes.

Shortest is under one minute.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:53 PM
I'd have to say average is about four minutes.

Longest is about 20 minutes.

Shortest is under one minute.

My sessions have had ranges all over the map growing up, as well as now. But twenty minutes? What an amateur.:shake:

Donger
06-12-2008, 04:54 PM
My sessions have had ranges all over the map growing up. OH, and now. But twenty minutes? What an amateur.:shake:

You grew up in Ohio?

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 04:56 PM
You grew up in Ohio?

no.

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 05:47 PM
I'm not saying I don't.

I just don't know why other men wanna know how much or how many times a day people tug on the ol' purple headed yogurt slinger.

ROFL

Ultra Peanut
06-12-2008, 06:45 PM
http://i26.tinypic.com/2dbw4zl.jpg

SHIT YOU GOTTA MAN UP SON ****IN MAN UP MOTHER****ER ****IN LIKE GODDAMN SON ****IN MAN UP

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 08:13 PM
http://i26.tinypic.com/2dbw4zl.jpg

SHIT YOU GOTTA MAN UP SON ****IN MAN UP MOTHER****ER ****IN LIKE GODDAMN SON ****IN MAN UP

I don't know what you mean.

Ultra Peanut
06-12-2008, 09:24 PM
I mean http://i28.tinypic.com/2a9dt9v.gif.

http://i27.tinypic.com/16jqix.jpg

Simply Red
06-12-2008, 09:27 PM
I mean http://i28.tinypic.com/2a9dt9v.gif.

http://i27.tinypic.com/16jqix.jpg

I see now.

Mr. Flopnuts
06-12-2008, 09:29 PM
TMI. I have a GF so she... uh, yeah... takes care of me.

Dude, if you're letting your girlfriend handle THAT for you, ****, I don't even know. My wife tried that shit once and I told her, either put it in your mouth, or just let the professional handle that.

Easy 6
06-13-2008, 09:30 AM
I'm surprised that i get anything done at all, i'm guessing Scott Jr. takes about 160 vicious pummelings a day.

One time, i swear, it screamed at me to 'PLEASE STOP!'.

ChiefsFanatic
06-13-2008, 09:40 AM
I'm surprised that i get anything done at all, i'm guessing Scott Jr. takes about 160 vicious pummelings a day.

One time, i swear, it screamed at me to 'PLEASE STOP!'.

:clap::D:D:DROFL

Kerberos
06-13-2008, 11:49 AM
Uncle Mort used to pound the Salami 3 or 4 times a day.

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 01:17 PM
Uncle Mort used to pound the Salami 3 or 4 times a day.

Who's that?

sedated
06-13-2008, 01:35 PM
How long, on average, do your masturbatory sessions last? Also, how long was the longest session? The shortest?

do you count the time it takes to get hard, or just pure stroke time?

what about clean up?

Donger
06-13-2008, 01:39 PM
do you count the time it takes to get hard, or just pure stroke time?

what about clean up?

From erection to ejaculation.

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 02:04 PM
clean up wouldn't count

El Jefe
06-13-2008, 02:16 PM
You grew up in Ohio?

WTF that supposed to mean?

Nzoner
06-13-2008, 02:19 PM
I'm married, which means these days I jerk it more than when I was 15.

This is funny yet sad because it's true for alot of men,I can't say how fortunate I am that even after 22 years my mrs enjoys having sex as much as she did when were dating,in fact it's gotten to the point where's she's surpassed me in that area and I never thought that was possible.

That's not to say I still don't venture to porn hub now and then for a little date with rosy palm and her 5 sisters :D

Sure-Oz
06-13-2008, 02:19 PM
TMI. I have a GF so she... uh, yeah... takes care of me.

thats my answer as well

sedated
06-13-2008, 02:30 PM
it's gotten to the point where's she's surpassed me in that area

I know, she told me while we shared a cigarette.

crazycoffey
06-13-2008, 04:42 PM
All the time, in fact I just did.
the thought of voting in this poll made me horney...

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 04:44 PM
All the time, in fact I just did.
the thought of voting in this poll made me horney...

You sicko!

Donger
06-13-2008, 04:51 PM
WTF that supposed to mean?

Is it not clear?

Donger
06-13-2008, 04:52 PM
This is funny yet sad because it's true for alot of men,I can't say how fortunate I am that even after 22 years my mrs enjoys having sex as much as she did when were dating

With you?

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 04:55 PM
I usually go once or twice a day. But other times I can go a few days w/ no personal activity.

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 04:55 PM
With you?

are you talking to me?

Donger
06-13-2008, 04:56 PM
are you talking to me?

No.

Simply Red
06-13-2008, 04:58 PM
ROFLNo.

Kerberos
06-13-2008, 05:12 PM
Who's that?


You've obviously never seen "American Pie"?

Classic movie of it's time.

little jacob
06-13-2008, 05:12 PM
during chiefs games. i'm into sado-masochism

Easy 6
06-13-2008, 05:37 PM
My favorite way, is grinding it with glowstick juice in the dark...

Simply Red
06-15-2008, 12:20 PM
My favorite way, is grinding it with glowstick juice in the dark...

That's just gross.

ChiefsFanatic
06-19-2008, 12:43 AM
It takes a real man to admit he jerks it....

Extra Point
06-19-2008, 01:06 AM
My favorite way, is grinding it with glowstick juice in the dark...
Moved beyond Cheetos, eh? You better than us?

Extra Point
06-19-2008, 01:07 AM
.
That clinches it! HOC!

Extra Point
06-19-2008, 01:09 AM
This is funny yet sad because it's true for alot of men,I can't say how fortunate I am that even after 22 years my mrs enjoys having sex as much as she did when were dating,in fact it's gotten to the point where's she's surpassed me in that area and I never thought that was possible. :D
26 years-- after 20 they learn from the master, err, mastur.

Extra Point
06-19-2008, 01:11 AM
Donger was right: the poll is incomplete.

The ballot for "Yes, I'm married, and I'm a sick pervert" is not included.

Gravedigger
06-19-2008, 07:36 AM
My girlfriend has been in China since May 23rd. She gets back this Saturday finally!!! But yeah usually I only do it like once every two weeks while she's around but while she's been gone wtf do you expect me to do?

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 08:07 AM
Donger was right: the poll is incomplete.

The ballot for "Yes, I'm married, and I'm a sick pervert" is not included.

Screw Donger.

Donger
06-19-2008, 08:12 AM
Screw Donger.

I'd rather not.

Mr. Plow
06-19-2008, 08:46 AM
SINNERS!!11! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL!!1!1!ONE!

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 08:57 AM
I'd rather not.

ROFL

ChiefsFanatic
06-19-2008, 03:58 PM
for OSU fans

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 04:44 PM
for OSU fans

you've gotta be kidding me.

RibKing67
06-19-2008, 06:12 PM
for OSU fans

It takes "special pipe" to handle semen? Thats a new one. I need to call a plumber to see if the pipes in my house are rated properly.

BWillie
06-19-2008, 09:08 PM
Jerking it is gay. It is for Homos. Queers. Butt Bandits. Anal Goblins. Pillow Biters. If you touch your wang and it becomes erect, then that is a sexual movement and makes you gay. You are indeed male, so if you stroke you own penis and it becomes erect and the mighty rod pukes..you are a homo. Of course while pissing while the wang is flaccid is a non-sexual action and therefore not gay. I have never beat off in my life, besides my grandma told me it'd make me go blind. You all are a bunch of homos

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 09:44 PM
Jerking it is gay. It is for Homos. Queers. Butt Bandits. Anal Goblins. Pillow Biters. If you touch your wang and it becomes erect, then that is a sexual movement and makes you gay. You are indeed male, so if you stroke you own penis and it becomes erect and the mighty rod pukes..you are a homo. Of course while pissing while the wang is flaccid is a non-sexual action and therefore not gay. I have never beat off in my life, besides my grandma told me it'd make me go blind. You all are a bunch of homos

Terrible.

Mr. Flopnuts
06-19-2008, 10:46 PM
Jerking it is gay. It is for Homos. Queers. Butt Bandits. Anal Goblins. Pillow Biters. If you touch your wang and it becomes erect, then that is a sexual movement and makes you gay. You are indeed male, so if you stroke you own penis and it becomes erect and the mighty rod pukes..you are a homo. Of course while pissing while the wang is flaccid is a non-sexual action and therefore not gay. I have never beat off in my life, besides my grandma told me it'd make me go blind. You all are a bunch of homos

LMAO LMAO LMAO

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 10:49 PM
LMAO LMAO LMAO

That made no sense at all to me. It was approaching blueballs-esque

blueballs
06-19-2008, 10:57 PM
enough of the seed spilling
CLOSE DOWN THIS thread
BWILLIE007 lied kittens died

Simply Red
06-19-2008, 11:02 PM
enough of the seed spilling
CLOSE DOWN THIS thread
BWILLIE007 lied kittens died

LMAO:LOL:

BWillie
06-20-2008, 01:05 AM
There are other ways to masturbate my friends. Like the guy with the picnic table on his deck, or the guy that liked cars a little to much. These are all options that are not gay. And you can always try this as well

<object width="464" height="392"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MzgxNzA5"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MzgxNzA5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="464" height="392"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://view.break.com/381709">http://view.break.com/381709</a> - Watch more <a href="http://www.break.com/">free videos</a></font>

Remember, don't be gay. Use a fake vagina. I hope I have helped many of you who are confused with your sexuality.

BigMeatballDave
06-20-2008, 01:36 AM
Usually 2-3 times a week. I haven't done it in about 3 months. My new GF is also a nympho...

Alices Allstars
06-20-2008, 04:46 AM
I think you need to start a poll and find out how many times a day women do the same.

Simply Red
06-20-2008, 08:14 AM
I think you need to start a poll and find out how many times a day women do the same.

you should. It'd be a spring-board to your CP posting success.

boogblaster
06-20-2008, 09:13 AM
I only MAN-UP on days ending with Y ....

Donger
06-20-2008, 09:15 AM
I think you need to start a poll and find out how many times a day women do the same.

It would need to be on a weekly or monthly basis, not daily.

booger
06-20-2008, 09:23 AM
There are other ways to masturbate my friends. Like the guy with the picnic table on his deck, or the guy that liked cars a little to much. These are all options that are not gay. And you can always try this as well

<object width="464" height="392"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/MzgxNzA5"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/MzgxNzA5" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="464" height="392"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://view.break.com/381709">http://view.break.com/381709</a> - Watch more <a href="http://www.break.com/">free videos</a></font>

Remember, don't be gay. Use a fake vagina. I hope I have helped many of you who are confused with your sexuality.

brilliant:clap:

booger
06-20-2008, 09:23 AM
where is the hourly option?

Iowanian
06-20-2008, 12:17 PM
NOW I know why nObama does the fist touch greeting.

I think I'm done shaking hands too.

Simply Red
12-30-2008, 12:38 PM
I have been on a frenzy lately of not masturbating.

lazepoo
12-30-2008, 12:40 PM
why?

Delano
12-30-2008, 01:02 PM
I have been on a frenzy lately of not masturbating.

I don't believe it at all. What, with all of your posts in the adult website thread in MediaCenter.

Be a man and man up, brah.

Buck
12-30-2008, 01:03 PM
Well before I had a girlfriend, I only did like 4 to 7 times a week.

Then I got a girlfriend and it was down to 1 to 2 times a week.

Then I broke up with her and now its up to like 10 a week.

Simply Red
12-30-2008, 01:19 PM
I don't believe it at all. What, with all of your posts in the adult website thread in MediaCenter.

Be a man and man up, brah.

This is crap. I was being sarcastic!!

Delano
12-30-2008, 01:25 PM
This is crap. I was being sarcastic!!

Me too!! LOL!!

*AP, F*P, FA*

Jilly
12-30-2008, 01:31 PM
seriously, six times a day? SIX TIMES?

Iowanian
12-30-2008, 01:33 PM
Some of you need a new hobby.


Never sharing from a communitiy chip bag or popcorn bowl again.


Pardon me if I don't shake hands.

Donger
12-30-2008, 01:35 PM
I meant to ask earlier, but does the "jerk" have to include ejaculation?

ChiefButthurt
12-30-2008, 01:37 PM
Please note my signature. This has been in place on my account for awhile.

Simply Red
12-30-2008, 02:12 PM
I meant to ask earlier, but does the "jerk" have to include ejaculation?

I'd say, yes, yes it would have to.

Mr. Kotter
12-30-2008, 02:15 PM
seriously, six times a day? SIX TIMES?

I imagine those folks buy lotion and tissue in bulk at Sam's Club.... :shake:

Frankly, I suspect they are lying.... :rolleyes:

Donger
12-30-2008, 02:17 PM
I'd say, yes, yes it would have to.

Oh. I cannot remember whether or not I voted in your poll, but that would definitely have impact on my answer now.

Ari Chi3fs
12-30-2008, 02:44 PM
I think Simply Gay may have a problem.

Braincase
12-30-2008, 03:24 PM
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/attachment.php?attachmentid=78978&stc=1&d=1213857808