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Pneuma
07-03-2008, 02:49 PM
25 Clever Bar Pick Up Lines

1. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. My name is _________.

2. Hi, can I buy you several drinks?

3. Inheriting 80 million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!

4. You might as well come home with me because I'm going to tell everyone you did anyway.

5. You look like my second wife, and I've only been married once.

6. Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh never mind, it's just a sparkle.

7. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

8. My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

9. Get your coat, you've pulled.

10. I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

11. Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

12. Greetings and salivations.

13. I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

14. Did you see the fight outside a little while ago? These two girls were fighting over a short guy named [your name].

15. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

16. I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

17. Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He'd like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning.

18. (Give the person a pint of beer) Drink this, then call me when you're ready.

19. I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

20. Excuse me, do you want a double entendre?

21. Is your husband still on nights?

22. Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

23. You're going to have to buy me a drink?
Her: What for?
I dropped mine when I saw you.

24. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job?
Her: No.
Do you want to do lunch?

25. There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?

http://www.sloshspot.com/blog/07-02-2008/25-Clever-Bar-Pick-Up-Lines-26


A great deal of these lines are usable IMO...

Bowser
07-03-2008, 02:57 PM
The one that cracked my wife up - Her and her girlfriends were at a table drinking when a guy comes up to them and asks them, one by one, if they were "here just for the drinks, or would they like some sex, too?" They all laugh at him, and he moves on to the next group. The law of averages dictates that the guy probably got laid that night.


BONUS!

The first thing my wife said to me - "Are you gay?" My response - "Well, I'm happy to be here, but I'm no homosexual, if that's what you mean."

stumppy
07-03-2008, 03:18 PM
Picked one up at closing time, The only thing I said was "looks like you're it" she said "let me get my purse".

True story.

CoMoChief
07-03-2008, 03:21 PM
ROFL

I laughed at the first one.

CoMoChief
07-03-2008, 03:22 PM
Picked one up at closing time, The only thing I said was "looks like you're it" she said "let me get my purse".

True story.

BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHIT

The Pedestrian
07-03-2008, 03:22 PM
One of my friends got this one...said she didn't laugh at the time, but giggled a little when the guy wasn't paying attention. "I lost my number, can I borrow yours?"

ChiefsCountry
07-03-2008, 03:25 PM
Picked one up at closing time, The only thing I said was "looks like you're it" she said "let me get my purse".

True story.

I've seen my friends have that happen to them, its been on the outside of the bar walking home.

siberian khatru
07-03-2008, 03:27 PM
No. 17 is funny, although probably worked better before everyone had a cell phone.

CrazyPhuD
07-03-2008, 03:31 PM
Picked one up at closing time, The only thing I said was "looks like you're it" she said "let me get my purse".

True story.

Be honest you were a cop and she was a hooker.

BWillie
07-03-2008, 03:38 PM
My drunk friend Travis uses this one down at the Power and Light the other weekend. While it didn't get him laid, it did get a warm reception.

He walks up to 3 chicks sitting down and goes "Do you know a veterinarian?". They go "No". Then he goes "'Cuz these puppies are SICK!!!" pointing to his guns.

It's just so bad that it's funny. You gotta try that 1

Demonpenz
07-03-2008, 03:41 PM
I bought some cigs the other day instead of buying girls drinks I asked if they wanted to go smoke with me. The only thing is I don't smoke so It kind of ended with
Yeah so I don't smoke but whats up?

Demonpenz
07-03-2008, 03:41 PM
Damnit bigwillie I said that joke awhile ago! I ususally say. This place has alot of mice, that's ok I need to feed these pythons! *Shows biceps*

Hog Farmer
07-03-2008, 03:45 PM
Women usually start conversations with me. I had three the other night at the same time look at me as I walked up to the bar. They all said at the same time "What's that smell, did you shit your pants"

Fire Me Boy!
07-03-2008, 03:49 PM
My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?

That's the winner!

Simply Red
07-03-2008, 03:51 PM
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Valiant
07-03-2008, 03:55 PM
One of my friends got this one...said she didn't laugh at the time, but giggled a little when the guy wasn't paying attention. "I lost my number, can I borrow yours?"

Holy shit.. Has Gochiefs nemesis returned..

stumppy
07-03-2008, 04:10 PM
BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHIT


Seriously.

blueballs
07-03-2008, 04:14 PM
a little fabric softner behind the ears
and a -damn! I just washed my sheets
should do the trick

Carlota69
07-03-2008, 04:38 PM
The cheesiest one I ever heard was " Is that a mirror in your pants cuz I could sure see myself inside them."

POND_OF_RED
07-03-2008, 05:10 PM
I'm not from the flinstones but I can still make your bedrock.

"Bob" Dobbs
07-03-2008, 05:20 PM
26:

"I have a badass motorcycle... want to ride? First let me take your picture so I can pwn a bunch of fatass Chiefs fans"


I got nothin'. :shrug:

Buehler445
07-03-2008, 06:33 PM
"Do you know a veterinarian?". They go "No". Then he goes "'Cuz these puppies are SICK!!!" pointing to his guns.


OK, true story, one of my coworkers has a boy in kindergarten. She said they were sitting around watching TV and he pulled out that line. At the time, it was the first time I'd heard it. I was rolling around laughing, it was so hilarious.

Jewish Rabbi
07-03-2008, 06:36 PM
Guy- We should get jerseys
Girl- Why?
Guy- Because we make a good team

Gonzo
07-03-2008, 06:48 PM
This one always kills them...


"Are you're parents retarded? Cuz you're special."

Demonpenz
07-03-2008, 06:54 PM
Do you coach first base for the royals? Cause it looks like you got a Rusty Kuntz

jjjayb
07-03-2008, 07:07 PM
Who needs pickup lines when you have a bike. Chicks dig guys with bikes. There are pictures posted here somewhere to prove it. :p

Pestilence
07-03-2008, 07:14 PM
Your body is like a wrench....because every time I see it...my nuts tighten.

Easy Money
07-03-2008, 07:49 PM
I usually just flop my cak onto the bar and wait for something to happen. So far, I'm 0 for 12.

gblowfish
07-03-2008, 07:51 PM
I usually just flop my cak onto the bar and wait for something to happen. So far, I'm 0 for 12.

You need a t-shirt that says "I have a 12 inch Johnson" and maybe you'll go 1 for 13.

Hermcock
11-17-2008, 12:15 AM
My wife has a restraining order on me. I am free to play.

blueballs
11-17-2008, 12:19 AM
Why yes
yes I am Tyler Thigpen

morphius
11-17-2008, 12:33 AM
My drunk friend Travis uses this one down at the Power and Light the other weekend. While it didn't get him laid, it did get a warm reception.

He walks up to 3 chicks sitting down and goes "Do you know a veterinarian?". They go "No". Then he goes "'Cuz these puppies are SICK!!!" pointing to his guns.

It's just so bad that it's funny. You gotta try that 1
That reminded me of my buddy Flohr, guy wasn't afraid to bomb, even a slow, flame ridden, burning wreck. The worst bomb I ever saw involved him calling over a couple girls at the mall that were looking for jobs, there were 4 of us at the table. Half way through 2 of the guys actually had to leave the table, and I had my head buried in my arms on the table laughing, 'cause I couldn't will myself up. After about 15 minutes the last thing he said was, "make sure they have a good dental plan, because you don't know the number of unreported chipped teeth in the workplace". They said they would keep that in mind and walk away. I still can't think about it without my eyes starting to water from laughing.

Hog Farmer
11-18-2008, 01:36 PM
Sometimes I use the "Wanna smell my finger" approach.

KILLER_CLOWN
05-27-2012, 03:00 AM
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LiL stumppy
05-27-2012, 04:01 AM
Picked one up at closing time, The only thing I said was "looks like you're it" she said "let me get my purse".

True story.

Mom?

Okie_Apparition
05-27-2012, 05:10 AM
Stubble free
It's red & blue & needs some white though
BB

BoneKrusher
05-27-2012, 06:52 AM
“How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fried, scrambled or fertilized?”

T-post Tom
05-27-2012, 06:57 AM
“Hi, I'm Matt Cassel: 6'5”, 230 lb, laser rocket arm.”

bevischief
05-27-2012, 07:27 AM
“How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fried, scrambled or fertilized?”

LMAO

Gary
05-27-2012, 07:52 AM
I usually just flop my cak onto the bar and wait for something to happen. So far, I'm 0 for 12.

You should have no problem in this bar:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kjWMBDVnBHE/TqmiFcs1kWI/AAAAAAAAM8I/VMUDJZj9pis/s1600/blue-oyster.jpg

bevischief
05-27-2012, 07:56 AM
The Captain Morgen girls with trays of Captain Morgen shots help too.

Dayze
05-27-2012, 08:05 AM
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LMAO
so many good ones in there.
the Pirate one, the 142/Incredible Hulk.

I've listened to it like 5 times.

although, when I hear these things, the only thing that comes to mind is Fax's "Wendy Meets a Draft Tabulator" thread.

notorious
05-27-2012, 08:10 AM
"Hi" usually works for me. It doesn't guarantee sex, but it sure gets a seat at the table.


Working as a bartender for 8 years taught me that pick-up lines don't work worth a shit unless the girl is an absolute whore (which is Okay, too).

BoneKrusher
05-27-2012, 08:26 AM
Nice legs...what time do they open?

or this one:

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning

Sorter
05-27-2012, 09:48 AM
Why yes
yes I am Tyler Thigpen

LMAO

KILLER_CLOWN
05-27-2012, 10:05 AM
LMAO
so many good ones in there.
the Pirate one, the 142/Incredible Hulk.

I've listened to it like 5 times.

although, when I hear these things, the only thing that comes to mind is Fax's "Wendy Meets a Draft Tabulator" thread.

My favorite.. "Are You retarded, because you're something special" LOLZ that one should work everytime and just screams of a CP pickup line.

TinyEvel
05-27-2012, 11:37 AM
I used to always just compliment them on their shoes or something they were wearing, name their hairstyle or designer they were wearing. They'd usually assume I was teh ghey and let me in, then after about five minutes of talking WHA-BAM!

Inmem58
05-27-2012, 11:54 AM
Best one


"Fuck me if I'm wrong, is your middle name Steve"?

Canofbier
05-27-2012, 11:55 AM
"Hi" usually works for me. It doesn't guarantee sex, but it sure gets a seat at the table.


Working as a bartender for 8 years taught me that pick-up lines don't work worth a shit unless the girl is an absolute whore (which is Okay, too).

True that.

lcarus
05-27-2012, 11:56 AM
Best one


"Fuck me if I'm wrong, is your middle name Steve"?

:LOL:

Okie_Apparition
05-27-2012, 12:26 PM
Somewhere on a Twilight message board
there is a thread on pick up line return smack downs

Hog Farmer
05-27-2012, 02:43 PM
I've fucked sows that weren't as big as you

aturnis
05-27-2012, 02:58 PM
Around closing time, I know guys who'll simply strike up conversation, then ever so abruptly, "so you wanna fuck or what?". It has definitely worked.

jspchief
05-27-2012, 03:08 PM
I used to always just compliment them on their shoes or something they were wearing, name their hairstyle or designer they were wearing. They'd usually assume I was teh ghey and let me in, then after about five minutes of talking WHA-BAM!Wait. You're not gay?

Inmem58
05-27-2012, 03:10 PM
Wait. You're not gay?

I was thinking the same.

notorious
05-27-2012, 04:17 PM
My brother, as legend has it, turned to a chick he met that night and asked her,"Ret' to go?"

That closed the deal. Sluts are awesome.

WhiteWhale
05-27-2012, 05:59 PM
I've seen my friends have that happen to them, its been on the outside of the bar walking home.

Picking up the desperate skanks at closing time is a good way to get your name on the blister list.