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Braincase
07-20-2008, 07:17 PM
Blatantly Stolen from this site (http://iamameme.com/archive/2008/07/17/mens-rules-for-men.aspx)

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice *ss, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

alanm
07-20-2008, 08:03 PM
ROFL at #15

Buehler445
07-20-2008, 08:51 PM
QFTPosted via Mobile Device

LiL stumppy
07-20-2008, 08:54 PM
lmao funny stuff

KCUnited
07-20-2008, 09:13 PM
In reference to #12. There is a private pool in downtown KC that I've frequented for years. One day this salt and peppered haired mofo starts showing up in a speedo, we're all disgusted, even the chicks. So, one night my girl talks me into meeting her and her girlfriend who is seeing some new guy out for drinks. So I call a couple of my friends to come with because I know its going to suck. So we get there and guess who the guy is? We broke that dudes balls for the speedo the whole night. It was br00tal.

Count Zarth
07-20-2008, 09:19 PM
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Garbage.


3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
And many others. It's not 1950.


6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes I'd wait longer depending on the situation.


11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model... and it's free. Bullshit. Sometimes it's just nice to feel a little fruity.


12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. BULLSHIT! If I have the body of Brad Pitt, I'm going to show it off. Might score some ladies.


14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. No. Nurture their habit and let it grow. Don't treat it with suspicion.


16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. No. Nothing wrong with admiring another man's musculature. Especially Midnight Vulture's.


19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary. Bullplop. Maybe she wants to discuss Star Wars for like two hours. I'm down.


20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.COCKBLOCKING IS WRONG!!!

So is posting your e-mail forwards.

Lonewolf Ed
07-20-2008, 09:56 PM
Garbage.

And many others. It's not 1950.

I'd wait longer depending on the situation.

Bullshit. Sometimes it's just nice to feel a little fruity.

BULLSHIT! If I have the body of Brad Pitt, I'm going to show it off. Might score some ladies.

No. Nurture their habit and let it grow. Don't treat it with suspicion.

No. Nothing wrong with admiring another man's musculature. Especially Midnight Vulture's.


Bullplop. Maybe she wants to discuss Star Wars for like two hours. I'm down.

COCKBLOCKING IS WRONG!!!

So is posting your e-mail forwards.


So, how is the estrogen therapy going?

Smed1065
07-20-2008, 09:59 PM
Blatantly Stolen from this site (http://iamameme.com/archive/2008/07/17/mens-rules-for-men.aspx)

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless super model... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice *ss, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

I did not see stealing from another site listed? Well I bet it applies though.

I still any threads and my fist.....

Braincase

Count Zarth
07-20-2008, 10:01 PM
So, how is the estrogen therapy going?

More and more testosterone pumps through my body every day as my muscles get bigger...and bigger...and bigger. I listen to the soundtrack from Rambo II when I run. I do shave my chest, though. Doesn't that just blow your mind?

Smed1065
07-20-2008, 10:10 PM
I'll meet you and your hormones anytime again for the 2nd invite again.

Good job losing weight but same scared azz to meet me again? You talk shit like before and will not show again because you talk shit.
I am only 5'8 but am willing to met you like before.

Valiant
07-20-2008, 11:06 PM
In reference to #12. There is a private pool in downtown KC that I've frequented for years. One day this salt and peppered haired mofo starts showing up in a speedo, we're all disgusted, even the chicks. So, one night my girl talks me into meeting her and her girlfriend who is seeing some new guy out for drinks. So I call a couple of my friends to come with because I know its going to suck. So we get there and guess who the guy is? We broke that dudes balls for the speedo the whole night. It was br00tal.

Hey, if you have a 12 inch penis you can get away with wearing a speedo.. It is liking telling everybody this is your hood..

Valiant
07-20-2008, 11:07 PM
More and more testosterone pumps through my body every day as my muscles get bigger...and bigger...and bigger. I listen to the soundtrack from Rambo II when I run. I do shave my chest, though. Doesn't that just blow your mind?

Do you mean Rocky???

Count Zarth
07-20-2008, 11:08 PM
Do you mean Rocky???

No, Rambo. II and III, actually. I throw in some Rocky now and again. When I need to fly.

Fruit Ninja
07-21-2008, 01:00 AM
Yep, you dont cockblock for anything. 20 is wrong. Even if your not getting laid. NEVER take that away from your buddy. EVER.