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View Full Version : Life I need a name for a new sex position.


Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:36 PM
I don't think it's new to the universe, and I haven't consulted the Karma Sutra on this matter. But the girlfriend and I ended up in a fairly unique position by our standards and I haven't been able to locate it on any sex position websites, which will now start spamming my inbox and will probably give my computer a virus.

The closest I came to a position was what this website called the "lawn chair," but there are differences.

How Do You Get Into This Position?

Missionary. Very basic. Then you sit up, mostly on your own heels, and bring her up towards you. She does not sit all the way up, instead she holds herself up by putting both of her arms on the mattress (or surface of choice) behind her.

At this juncture, you should be sitting back on your own heels, she's facing you, her legs should be on either side of you, her hips should be against your hips, and she should be leaning back, holding herself up off the mattress with her own arms.

But How Does It Work?

At this point you'll lean on top of her. About half your body weight is being supported by her (helps if she's strong), and half is supported by putting your hands down on the mattress on either side of her.

At this point you can start gyrating and pumping your hips and it gives you an upward trajectory against her body, and at least in my situation, it feels great for me and it slams into her G-spot.

What I Need You To Do

I'm going to start a wildfire and ask for your help. I don't know what to call this name, and I'm looking for the typical sex name: short, sweet, and hilarious.

Do your best to visualize whatever the hell I just described and help me out.

penguinz
07-22-2008, 12:38 PM
The Ninja Turtle!

Nzoner
07-22-2008, 12:39 PM
For an older focker like me I'd call that a back spasm

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:39 PM
The Ninja Turtle!
COWABUNGA!!!!!!!!!!

Mecca
07-22-2008, 12:39 PM
You have to post a picture of your g/f first.

ChiefsOne
07-22-2008, 12:39 PM
This thread is worthless ...... well you know the routine.

ChiefsOne
07-22-2008, 12:40 PM
The Grasshopper

Redrum_69
07-22-2008, 12:41 PM
The Bob Dole

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:43 PM
You have to post a picture of your g/f first.
You asked for it, Clarence.

Keep in mind: she's mine.

rad
07-22-2008, 12:45 PM
Seems like simple elevated missionary to me. Good job, I saw the whole thing. Might wanna consider painting those walls.

tyton75
07-22-2008, 12:45 PM
Dude.. she has a green discharge coming from her crotch.... RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:46 PM
Seems like simple elevated missionary to me.

That name isn't tasty enough.

I want something with a proper name. The Bob Dole sounds promising. Something along those lines.

Nzoner
07-22-2008, 12:46 PM
Seriously,I'd call it The Clockwork Orange,based on the tables in the film

http://www.moviecritic.com.au/images/a-clockwork-orange-alex-at-the-korova-milk-bar.jpg

rad
07-22-2008, 12:48 PM
Seriously,I'd call it The Clockwork Orange,based on the tables in the film

http://www.moviecritic.com.au/images/a-clockwork-orange-alex-at-the-korova-milk-bar.jpg

That's pretty good...

rad
07-22-2008, 12:49 PM
That name isn't tasty enough.

I want something with a proper name. The Bob Dole sounds promising. Something along those lines.

Whoa! What did Dole have to do with it? You holding out pertinent info?

Name it after yourself or her, or a mixture of both.

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:49 PM
That is damn good. I need more pictures of those tables.

'Hamas' Jenkins
07-22-2008, 12:50 PM
The Springfield C*nt Augur.

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:50 PM
Name it after yourself or her, or a mixture of both.
WTF do we look like? Bradgelina?

Direckshun
07-22-2008, 12:51 PM
The Springfield C*nt Augur.
LMAO

Stryker
07-22-2008, 12:53 PM
It's a position in sex that's done by the masses
It's not the 69 or what you learned in classes
It increases the intensity of the f@cK
Legs thrown up high known as...

THE BUCK!

:D

TinyEvel
07-22-2008, 01:05 PM
The coffee table.
The levitating woman
The Pottery Barn
the hammer and the anvil

Hog Farmer
07-22-2008, 01:06 PM
Call it "The Antifreeze"

FAX
07-22-2008, 01:08 PM
Hmmm. It sounds as though this position might be potentially painful for the female partner, Mr. Direckshun. One slip and she transitions from being adrift in the seas of intense pleasure to sunk amidst the razor sharp reefs of physical agony.

Ergo; The Dreadnaught.

FAX

ChiefsOne
07-22-2008, 01:09 PM
Why not call it the Direckshun?

BucEyedPea
07-22-2008, 01:10 PM
Rocking Chair

Redrum_69
07-22-2008, 01:22 PM
Fierce Grape Gatorade

StcChief
07-22-2008, 01:22 PM
Rocking Chairyep.
nice to think kids found something new (let 'em dream)

Mr. Plow
07-22-2008, 01:24 PM
"The Tits McGee"

InChiefsHell
07-22-2008, 01:25 PM
You asked for it, Clarence.

Keep in mind: she's mine.

Wow, look at the guns on her! Congrats bro!!:D

acesn8s
07-22-2008, 01:29 PM
The Bob Dole Direckshun

RJ
07-22-2008, 01:31 PM
I don't have an answer but I do want to say that it's nice to see a thread with an FAQ section. I like that.

FAX
07-22-2008, 01:31 PM
Not bad nemesis. But, maybe some kind of variation would work better like, for example; "The Bobbin' Doley Pole"?

FAX

stumppy
07-22-2008, 01:41 PM
The "Stump Hump"

Braincase
07-22-2008, 01:42 PM
The Midnight Vulture Mounts His Rice Burner

FAX
07-22-2008, 01:45 PM
I still worry about how comfortable the female is in this whole deal.

How about, "The Seizing Cramp That Won't Go Away" position?

FAX

sedated
07-22-2008, 01:45 PM
footy pajamas

acesn8s
07-22-2008, 01:48 PM
Not bad nemesis. But, maybe some kind of variation would work better like, for example; "The Bobbin' Doley Pole"?

FAXOr the FAX faux pas ****? :shrug:

tooge
07-22-2008, 01:48 PM
the IR, or injured reserve. That is what I would be placed on if I tried that chit.

gblowfish
07-22-2008, 01:49 PM
The Telescope
The Loose Gutter
The Silly Straw
The Illegal Left Turn
The Futon Breaker

boogblaster
07-22-2008, 01:51 PM
Headless Heel

MVChiefFan
07-22-2008, 02:07 PM
The "Jim Jones" - missionary with a twist.

StcChief
07-22-2008, 02:13 PM
I still worry about how comfortable the female is in this whole deal.

How about, "The Seizing Cramp That Won't Go Away" position?

FAXas long as the cramp/clamp is right.

Count Alex's Losses
07-22-2008, 02:17 PM
Kinky Overdrive

angelo
07-22-2008, 02:23 PM
I may be envisioning this wrong ,but I keep seeing a lower with hydraulics bouncing up and down.

So maybe call it the Lowrider.

Ang

FAX
07-22-2008, 03:08 PM
The "Jim Jones" - missionary with a twist.

I'm no judge of sex position names, but I think this is excellent, Mr. MVChiefFan. It has it all; illiteration, easy to remember, and accurately describes this modified missionary with the potential to end very badly. Great job.

FAX

MVChiefFan
07-22-2008, 03:30 PM
I'm no judge of sex position names, but I think this is excellent, Mr. MVChiefFan. It has it all; illiteration, easy to remember, and accurately describes this modified missionary with the potential to end very badly. Great job.

FAX

ROFL Your "wordsmithery" always astounds me! You nailed it on the head as usual. Coming from you fax, this is a true compliment.

Adept Havelock
07-22-2008, 03:32 PM
I'm no judge of sex position names, but I think this is excellent, Mr. MVChiefFan. It has it all; illiteration, easy to remember, and accurately describes this modified missionary with the potential to end very badly. Great job.

FAX

LMAO

A superb assessment of a great name.

Bowser
07-22-2008, 03:38 PM
The Ramma Jamma Ding Dong Slamma

SPATCH
07-22-2008, 03:45 PM
I'm no judge of sex position names, but I think this is excellent, Mr. MVChiefFan. It has it all; illiteration, easy to remember, and accurately describes this modified missionary with the potential to end very badly. Great job.

FAX

ROFL Your "wordsmithery" always astounds me! You nailed it on the head as usual. Coming from you fax, this is a true compliment.

i agree except...

the word is alliteration. minor mistake in wordsmithery

BigChiefFan
07-22-2008, 03:53 PM
Read the Kama Sutra, I'm sure this isn't a new position.

blueballs
07-22-2008, 03:59 PM
what ever comes out of your gf's voice box
while in the act

StcChief
07-22-2008, 04:00 PM
Read the Kama Sutra, I'm sure this isn't a new position.it isn't.... Rocking Chair or (DotNotFeather equivlent name)
for it.

but an updated (1978?) "Jim Jones" Missionary with a twist is ok too.

FAX
07-22-2008, 04:47 PM
i agree except...

the word is alliteration. minor mistake in wordsmithery

Dang.

Sounds like ...

FAX

booger
07-22-2008, 05:23 PM
sounds like jenga

one false move and you all fall down.

which reminds me of ring around the rosey.
///////////////////////////////////////////


Ring around the jenga.

Ring around the jenga
i slam my pecker in ya
slippy splashy
we all fall down.

Rain Man
07-22-2008, 05:48 PM
The Partial Threesome.

FAX
07-22-2008, 06:21 PM
That gives me a pretty fair idea, Mr. Rain Man. If she had a horse and, after sex, Mr. Direckshun ran him off, he could call it the El Guapo!!!

FAX

Rain Man
07-22-2008, 06:59 PM
i agree except...

the word is alliteration. minor mistake in wordsmithery



I think there's some really sophisticated humor involved in misspelling a word as illiteration.

FAX
07-22-2008, 07:18 PM
I think there's some really sophisticated humor involved in misspelling a word as illiteration.

Thank you, Mr. Rain Man. I am oft misunderstood in the world of normal people. For example, I think Mr. the_spatula considers me to be alliterate.

FAX

Rain Man
07-22-2008, 07:25 PM
Thank you, Mr. Rain Man. I am oft misunderstood in the world of normal people. For example, I think Mr. the_spatula considers me to be alliterate.

FAX

I think the world of normal people is a scam filmed on a sound stage in a California warehouse.

Easy Money
07-23-2008, 01:11 AM
The Failed Triangle Choke

Chiefs=Good
07-23-2008, 02:31 AM
I may be visualizing this entirely wrong, but couldn’t u just do it with pillows or a wall, or even both. May save some pain...?

JuicesFlowing
07-23-2008, 02:36 AM
You asked for it, Clarence.

Keep in mind: she's mine.

Isn't that Robert Smith of The Cure?