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thurman merman
07-30-2008, 06:05 PM
Walterfootball.com has compiiled an exhaustive list of the greatest quotes of all time from profound NFL analyst Emmitt Smith. I have chosen several of my favorites (actually, 28 of them), and I am trying to decide which one is best. I believe we should all place votes on our favorite quote. The quotes have commentary after them from Walter Cherepinsky, because most of the time it is pretty hard to figure out what is going on without the commentary.

Here are the choices:

1. "Norv Turner have a lot of experience in the playoff." (Commentary: When Emmitt uttered that statement, Norv Turner's postseason record was 1-1. Good thing we're talking about the playoff here, and not the playoffs.)

2. "Tom Brady is buyin' time for his lineman." (Commentary: And here I thought that offensive linemen were "buyin' time" for the quarterback.)

3. "Brett Favre went into Dallas nine times and have a big goose egg." (Commentary: And I bet Emmitt had tons of big goose eggs on his grammar tests when he was in high school.)

4. "That offense does... do look good." (Commentary: He was actually about to say "That offense does look good," but changed what he said mid-sentence to "That offense do look good." I'm speechless. How can someone be so poor at grammar?)

5. "Reggie Bush is definitely effective. Just not tonight." (Commentary: Emmitt said this after the Falcons-Saints Monday night game. Note to Emmitt: Bush wasn't effective... because... HE DIDN'T EVEN PLAY! No wonder he wasn't effective tonight.)

6. "The NFC West is probably one of the weakest... CONFERENCES... in the whole NFC. These guys over here, you have the Cardinals, you have the 49ers, you have the Seahawks, and you also have the Rams..." (Commentary: Thank God Emmitt's around, or else we'd forget which teams are in all the divisions... I mean... CONFERENCES.)

7. (On the Super Bowl) "The loss tonight... And the loss today is gonna hurt for a long time." (Commentary: So, apparently the Patriots lost to the Giants twice. Once at night, and once in the afternoon. Damn it, I only saw one of those games.)

8. "He was coming through line to make a move and got blind sided by Al Wi... Al Wi... Al Jackson." (Commentary: Don't bother searching for Al Jackson on NFL.com. He doesn't exist in real life - only in Emmitt's mind.)

9. "The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders." (Commentary: Wow, that's a really profound statement.)

10. "If it slip in Week 1, it slip in Week 8." (Commentary: I don't know what slip in Week 1, but clearly the same thing happened in Week 8. Let's just hope that when it slip in Week 15, the verb is actually conjugated.)

11. "The percentages for teams that go into score before the first half is pretty high that they wins the game." (Commentary: Wow. Just, wow. Aside from the horrific grammar, Emmitt's making up stats and trends. But what about the percentages for analysis that make grammaritcal error is pretty high that they gets fired at the end of the years?)

12. "The one thing that derail a team is a thing called the injury bugs." (Commentary: So, there's only one single thing that derails a team, and it's the injury bugs, not the injury bug? I never played professional football, but I wasn't aware there are actual bugs that cause injuries.)

13. "You have to have the personality to match up with the Patriots." (Commentary: Just a hunch, but I think Emmitt means personnel; not personality. Unless, of course, he believes it takes a Capricorn who likes to take long walks on the beach to beat New England.)

14. "Not only does he have the NFC East record for touchdowns, but also the team record." (Commentary: Is it possible to have a divisional record that's not a team record? It's like saying, "Not only does Emmitt Smith have the World Record for grammatical errors per TV show, he also has the record for most grammatical errors per TV show in his family." More evidence that Emmitt is ahead of our time.)

15. "Last year there was a lot of things the Colts had to address. They couldn't stop the run... and all those... that was one of the biggest things they had to address." (Commentary: Brain fart, much?)

16. "The Jets can only be disrespected by every team in the league" (Commentary: What the hell does that mean? Seriously?)

17. "The way you perform make them feel about you different." (Commentary: I think Emmitt's brain gathers the words he wants to use and rearranges them randomly.)

18. "They can ride Adrian Peterson into the doggone playoff." (Commentary: Not the playoff... The Doggone Playoff!)

19. "Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage." (Commentary: Damn it, why haven't I been given the rice of passage?)

20. "He's giving them all the confidences they need... he giving them the confidence that he need." (Commentary: It's a good thing that he's giving them more than one confidence. Everyone needs a few confidences , and needs a confidence in return at the same time. Whatever that means.)

21. "When you are the single or the lone ranger, so to speak." (Commentary: The Single Ranger? Sounds like some porn movie. And who says, "When you are the lone ranger, so to speak?" Who speaks that way, exactly?)

22. "I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time." (Commentary: So, in other words, his self-confidence in himself makes him confident. I guess that makes sense. Sure, you're saying the same thing three times, but who's counting?)

23. "Why doesn't... don't the defensive players put their hands on Randy Moss? Don't back back." (Commentary: That's not an error on my part. Emmitt actually said, "Don't back back." I recorded it and seriously went through it 10 times. I would have done it an 11th, but VCR exploded.)

24. "They need to right the score to get revenge." (Commentary: Right the ship, right the score. Tomato, tomahto.)

25. "Brady will put up monster numbers because he can throw." (Commentary: Seriously, where else can you get this sort of analysis?)

26. "You cannot change the stripes of a leopard." (Commentary: Now, Emmitt, repeat after me. A cow says moooo...)

27. "...Go to Arizona, sharp as a whistle, and do some finishing touches, so we can go down in the Super Bowl and play our best football of the whole entire season."(Commentary: Yeah, watch out for those sharp whistles - they can be really pointy.)

28. "The strength of the Patriots, their offense, got... DEBACLED." (Commentary: I was 99 percent sure Debacled wasn't a word, but I made sure in Microsoft Word. I typed it in, but instead of placing a red line below it, Microsoft Word just laughed at me.)

Believe or not, there are many more quotes, folks! Those were only the highlights. For a complete list of Emmitt's Best, check out http://walterfootball.com/emmitt.php.

Vote for your favorite here. I'm gonna need some more time to narrow it down.

Crashride
07-30-2008, 06:17 PM
LOL

blueballs
07-30-2008, 06:21 PM
i quit

SPATCH
07-30-2008, 06:30 PM
19 LMAO

DaKCMan AP
07-30-2008, 06:31 PM
#3 bitches

thurman merman
07-30-2008, 06:33 PM
19 LMAO

i LOLFR'd (laughed out loud for real) when i read that one the first time. also on the second and third times.

JASONSAUTO
07-30-2008, 06:37 PM
gotta be 19, rice WTF?

Old Dog
07-30-2008, 07:06 PM
I voted #17, but I think 26 made me laugh the hardest

milkman
07-30-2008, 07:43 PM
I am always awestruck by people who use words that they clearly haven't a clue of their meaning.

I sure hope we can debacle the Pats offense.

FAX
07-30-2008, 08:42 PM
ROFL

Awesome. Finally, Herm have some doggone competition.

FAX

FAX
07-30-2008, 08:45 PM
... I sure hope we can debacle the Pats offense.

ROFL

FAX

thurman merman
07-30-2008, 08:49 PM
ROFL

Awesome. Finally, Herm have some doggone competition.

FAX

ROFL

Skip Towne
07-30-2008, 08:55 PM
He clearly footballed his way through high school. How did he get through college or did he?

BIG K
07-30-2008, 08:56 PM
And to think, dis guy actually FINISHED college at his moms request.....

She mustn bin prode of him.....

milkman
07-30-2008, 08:58 PM
ROFL

Awesome. Finally, Herm have some doggone competition.

FAX

Let me see if I can respond in Emmitt Smith speak.

That is unfatigable.

BIG K
07-30-2008, 08:59 PM
I can see Milkman bitch slapping his ass all the way back to 'kindagarden'.....ESL Emmitt, ESL!!!!

milkman
07-30-2008, 09:02 PM
I can see Milkman bitch slapping his ass all the way back to 'kindagarden'.....ESL Emmitt, ESL!!!!

You know I'd try.

BIG K
07-30-2008, 09:05 PM
You know I'd try.

How you doing my friend? I might be moving down yonder yer way to Arroyo pretty soon.... Your back still strong? :)

milkman
07-30-2008, 09:07 PM
How you doing my friend? I might be moving down yonder yer way to Arroyo pretty soon.... Your back still strong? :)

Damn.

You're like a freakin' nomad.

Yep, the back is still strong.

Still have my number?

BIG K
07-30-2008, 09:18 PM
Damn.

You're like a freakin' nomad.

Yep, the back is still strong.

Still have my number?

Yeah, you are correct about that. Actually, just trying to pick up another house while the market is down...Then again, prolly has nothing to do with the 5'3" blonde measuring 36-26-36 who has urged me to purchase down there by her....

I'll admit, sometimes I can get owned........:)

I am shameless....

milkman
07-30-2008, 09:25 PM
Yeah, you are correct about that. Actually, just trying to pick up another house while the market is down...Then again, prolly has nothing to do with the 5'3" blonde measuring 36-26-36 who has urged me to purchase down there by her....

I'll admit, sometimes I can get owned........:)

I am shameless....

That's what I called whipped.

BIG K
07-30-2008, 09:35 PM
That's what I called whipped.


Yeah but, if you saw her, you would understand........:)

milkman
07-30-2008, 09:39 PM
Yeah but, if you saw her, you would understand........:)

How do you know I haven't seen her?

:evil:

Baby Lee
07-31-2008, 05:35 AM
ROFL

Awesome. Finally, Herm have some doggone competition.

FAX

It's flusterating, being the leopards who can't change their stripe all of a time.

Consistent1
07-31-2008, 06:43 AM
Well, he is no Larry Johnson. Quit ****ing with Emmitt. It doesn't matter how he got where he is, he was damn good. Does he belong on TV? No.

Old Dog
07-31-2008, 07:11 AM
That's a SEC "student" athlete ya'll are picking on.

thurman merman
04-09-2009, 07:01 PM
It's flusterating, being the leopards who can't change their stripe all of a time.

ROFL

beach tribe
04-09-2009, 07:22 PM
He's like the sheriff of rottingham on Robin hood men in tights.

"Ungirl that hand"

KCChiefsMan
04-09-2009, 07:22 PM
lol, the Jets can only be disrespected by every team in the league

thurman merman
08-05-2010, 12:00 PM
ROFL

Emmitt at his Hall of Fame induction today:

"To me, it's like the crowning of a king, or the crowning of a cake."

tomahawk kid
08-05-2010, 12:02 PM
Where's "I'm half the running back that Walter Payton / Barry Sanders was."

Haywood Jablomi
08-05-2010, 12:18 PM
"...rice of passage " ??

Does that come with an egg roll?

DMAC
08-05-2010, 12:48 PM
There are so many things funny about that list. How things confusing... and all those... that was one of the biggest things funny about the list.

gblowfish
08-05-2010, 01:49 PM
Meh.
He's got nothing on Neil Smith's 'Neilbonics." Nobody fractures English like Neil Smith.

Goldmember
08-05-2010, 01:56 PM
Who was the mental midget that put him on TV in the first place???? That was some real jeenyus move right there!!

SnakeXJones
08-05-2010, 01:59 PM
Who was the mental midget that put him on TV in the first place???? That was some real jeenyus move right there!! Irvin also

loochy
08-05-2010, 02:13 PM
Don't forget this gem about the wonderful meat that is PORK!

For fans that are going to the ball game, they have an opportunity now to tailgate at a brand new stadium and smoke it up and saranate the whole stadium itself. To me tailgating is a part of gameday experience. And what we found is that 42% of the people prefer pork over the other meat. And at tailgate parties I can understand why because pork is easy, easy to cook, its simple and it's affordable, and so going to gameday stadium, look for everyone out there to be tailgatin. To be using some type of pork meat on their grills.



Watch the first 55 seconds. ROFL

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

gblowfish
08-05-2010, 03:09 PM
Don't forget this gem about the wonderful meat that is PORK!





Watch the first 55 seconds. ROFL

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

"Smoke it up and serenate the whole stadium itself!"

"Serenate?"
Is that a cross between "Serenade" and "Marinate?"

Misplaced_Chiefs_Fan
08-05-2010, 04:20 PM
Can you imagine Neal and him calling a game together.

Would the production manager shoot himself before halftime?

ROFL

SnakeXJones
08-05-2010, 04:26 PM
Can you imagine Neal and him calling a game together.

Would the production manager shoot himself before halftime?

ROFL Micheal Irvin is a pretty dumb bastard too might as well add him

Hog Farmer
08-05-2010, 06:52 PM
I'm not trying to start a racist thingy but why in the hell do black people have such a big problem with the Englsh language ?

Lonewolf Ed
08-05-2010, 07:03 PM
19 LMAO

The rice of passage: 1 quart of water, 2 cups of rice, 1 cup of castor oil. Boil, serve, run to toilet.

MahiMike
08-05-2010, 07:35 PM
my head hurt. make my sides 'splode from disrespective

Deberg_1990
08-05-2010, 07:38 PM
Hi, Im Emmit Smith, ive got 3 Super Bowl Rings, im rich and your not.

thurman merman
08-05-2010, 07:44 PM
my head hurt. make my sides 'splode from disrespective

ROFL

I am still laughing uncontrollably while reading these, even tough I've read them at least five times before.

thurman merman
08-05-2010, 07:47 PM
Don't forget this gem about the wonderful meat that is PORK!





Watch the first 55 seconds. ROFL

<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sG-nJz1XQVQ&border=1&color1=0x6699&color2=0x54abd6&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

Julius...Julius...uh...Felix Jones

Plenty of excitement in the city of Minnesota!

ROFL

thurman merman
08-05-2010, 07:50 PM
"Smoke it up and serenate the whole stadium itself!"

"Serenate?"
Is that a cross between "Serenade" and "Marinate?"

ROFL

Boon
08-05-2010, 07:55 PM
17