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View Full Version : Chiefs LJ Could be a 2000 yd back this year


KCJohnny
08-03-2008, 08:00 AM
http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d808b7f32


KC plays 9 games against teams who finished 21st or worst against the run
Chan is going to feature Larry
Chiefs face only 3 opponents in '08 with a top 15 run DIf he does have a PB year, it will make Carl's decision to give him all that $ a bit easier to accept. Personally, I don't blame LJ for the yucky ground attack last year.

12 more days till Madden 2009 comes out!!!!!!

KCJ
:arrow:

boogblaster
08-03-2008, 08:05 AM
He'll have to have better blocking to perform a 2000 yd. season ....

MichaelH
08-03-2008, 08:20 AM
Anybody could with 600+ carries.

JuicesFlowing
08-03-2008, 08:30 AM
LJ was on pace for 1,200 last year with the worse O-line in the league. I don't know if 2,000 is ever going to be possible with our current O-line, but he'll be a force this year. 1,500 yards is my guess.

KCJohnny
08-03-2008, 08:32 AM
LJ was on pace for 1,200 last year with the worse O-line in the league. I don't know if 2,000 is ever going to be possible with our current O-line, but he'll be a force this year. 1,500 yards is my guess.

Sounds more plausible than my homerific prediction, but I think as a team the Chiefs may get 2k.

JuicesFlowing
08-03-2008, 08:35 AM
I have no doubt that LJ has the ability for 2,000.

KCJohnny
08-03-2008, 08:38 AM
I have no doubt that LJ has the ability for 2,000.

What I see Chan doing is also getting LJ the ball in space on screens, swing passes and check downs... all plays that Larry excels in and can break for big gains.
I think the competition with Kolby and Jamal Charles is ONLY a good thing for the Deisel.
I also think if (God forbid) LJ gets hurt, our 2 and 3 backs can shine.

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 08:56 AM
Sounds more plausible than my homerific prediction, but I think as a team the Chiefs may get 2k.

I could live with that obviously. But ive said many times, the Chiefs need to limit LJ to 20-25 carries a game and around 1200-1400 yards a season to prolong his career.

Give those extra carries and yards to Charles and Smith.

BigMeatballDave
08-03-2008, 09:22 AM
LMAO Homerism extreme.

JuicesFlowing
08-03-2008, 09:51 AM
What I see Chan doing is also getting LJ the ball in space on screens, swing passes and check downs... all plays that Larry excels in and can break for big gains.
I think the competition with Kolby and Jamal Charles is ONLY a good thing for the Deisel.
I also think if (God forbid) LJ gets hurt, our 2 and 3 backs can shine.

I hope they do give LJ more swing passes ... I expected more of that sort of thing last year, but Solari was clueless.

Buehler445
08-03-2008, 09:53 AM
Possible, but unlikely. We'll see. I'm looking for him to stay healthy and get angry. The rest will work itself out.

Buehler445
08-03-2008, 09:53 AM
I hope they do give LJ more swing passes ... I expected more of that sort of thing last year, but Solari was clueless.

I think there was a diagram of Hutard throwing LJ a swing pass floating around here. ROFL

ChiefGator
08-03-2008, 10:10 AM
I pick 8th in my fantasy league, which is just about exactly where I wanted. Might be a wee bit of a reach, but I'm should be able to pick LJ there. I do expect a big year, especially with catching more passes out of the backfield.

Bowser
08-03-2008, 10:36 AM
No way, no how, not behind this inexperienced offensive line. And that's not even emntioning Albert's injury.

DaKCMan AP
08-03-2008, 10:38 AM
:rolleyes:

Short Leash Hootie
08-03-2008, 10:40 AM
I see another disappointing season in store for LJ with Niswanger and whoever the hell we have on our right side as lineman...

HonestChieffan
08-03-2008, 10:48 AM
Dreamland

ChiliConCarnage
08-03-2008, 10:55 AM
I think the Chiefs will do everything they can to limit LJ's touches this year. You definately want to re-establish him but I can't see them running him to death for no reason.

JASONSAUTO
08-03-2008, 11:35 AM
why limit his touches this year? to save the guy for next year? i think we all know that's not a good idea, who knows what next year will bring. you have to play to win now as players and coaches. also lj has always gotten better as the game goes on and the carries add up. he's BY FAR a better runner in the 4th qtr than the 1st.

blueballs
08-03-2008, 11:36 AM
it depends on length and depth of stroke

JuicesFlowing
08-03-2008, 01:20 PM
I pick 8th in my fantasy league, which is just about exactly where I wanted. Might be a wee bit of a reach, but I'm should be able to pick LJ there. I do expect a big year, especially with catching more passes out of the backfield.

I doubt I'll play fantasy football this year, but I'd pick LJ. Good pick, I think he's been projected as a #7 pick so far.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 01:22 PM
Chan Gailey told us point blank Larry was a "25 carries a game RB." That's 400 carries.

I won't be shocked if he comes close to that.

J Diddy
08-03-2008, 01:23 PM
No way, no how, not behind this inexperienced offensive line. And that's not even emntioning Albert's injury.


I agree

this years offense will be as bad as last years at first

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 01:30 PM
Chan Gailey told us point blank Larry was a "25 carries a game RB." That's 400 carries.

I won't be shocked if he comes close to that.

Nice knowing you LJ. You had a nice career while it lasted.

Dinny Blues
08-03-2008, 01:34 PM
LJ was on pace for 1,200 last year with the worse O-line in the league. I don't know if 2,000 is ever going to be possible with our current O-line, but he'll be a force this year. 1,500 yards is my guess.

The Titanic was on pace to cross the ocean.

Just sayin'.....

Dinny

JuicesFlowing
08-03-2008, 01:37 PM
The Titanic was on pace to cross the ocean.

Just sayin'.....

Dinny

My point was that the worst 8 games of his career were still not that bad.

Bwana
08-03-2008, 01:43 PM
With our line the way it stands now.....Ummm, no.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 01:45 PM
With our line the way it stands now.....Ummm, no.

They're run blocking pretty well up here. There's a noticeable difference from last year, especially in Waters.

Bwana
08-03-2008, 01:49 PM
They're run blocking pretty well up here. There's a noticeable difference from last year, especially in Waters.


That's great to hear, but LJ still isn't cracking 2K this year. I really don't expect much out of this years team. If our rooks get a lot of playing time and improve and we get a decent draft next season, we will be on the road to recovery. Don't get me wrong, we are headed in the right direction, but we are in for another ugly year.

wazu
08-03-2008, 01:55 PM
They're run blocking pretty well up here. There's a noticeable difference from last year, especially in Waters.

I'm happy to hear that, but the "especially in Waters" comment is disturbing. We need the improvement to come just about everywhere else. I'm fine with status quo for Waters. (Although improvement is still welcome.)

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 01:59 PM
I'm happy to hear that, but the "especially in Waters" comment is disturbing. We need the improvement to come just about everywhere else. I'm fine with status quo for Waters. (Although improvement is still welcome.)

Waters wasn't all that great last year, or even good.

There's improvement at center and left tackle (cross fingers). RG and RT are question marks.

If Albert is healthy, I expect us to run left on a lot of teams consistently.

L.A. Chieffan
08-03-2008, 02:47 PM
I don't see it, not with Kolby showing what he could do last year and Charles on the squad now. That's 2 very good RBs that'll cut into LJ's carries.

Let's hope for no injuries before we start hoping for crazy stuff.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:06 PM
why limit his touches this year? to save the guy for next year? i think we all know that's not a good idea, who knows what next year will bring. you have to play to win now as players and coaches. also lj has always gotten better as the game goes on and the carries add up. he's BY FAR a better runner in the 4th qtr than the 1st.

They already essentially ruined his career by giving him an NFL record of carries to sneak into the playoffs...

It's been prove time and time again you do not give someone 400 touches of the ball in a season it will significantly affect them.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:07 PM
You're wrong, Mecca. LJ looks great right now.

He's going to prove you wrong. DEAD WRONG.

Rausch
08-03-2008, 04:12 PM
LJ has the talent to put up 2,000 any year. He's a great HB.

That doesn't make it a good idea or something we should hope for. Getting to that number behind this line would mean an increase in carries and not YPC...

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:12 PM
He looks great in practice against our crappy team....just wait, last year he showed significant decline in every category, my friends who live in other cities would send me emails saying "LJ looks done dude, he runs like he's dead"

Then he got hurt, a typical theme of guys who carried the ball that many times, history says he will now always be an injury prone player that doesn't resemble what he use to be.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:16 PM
Mecca, he looked great against the Vikings. Explosive. Quick. Powerful.

Keep spinning, Mr. Negative.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:18 PM
Mecca, he looked great against the Vikings. Explosive. Quick. Powerful.

Keep spinning, Mr. Negative.

You were wrong last year about him....

Am I suppose to be impressed that he ran well against the Vikings backup crew?

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:19 PM
You were wrong last year about him....

Am I suppose to be impressed that he ran well against the Vikings backup crew?

Here we go again.

You know very well Adrian Peterson couldn't have run for shit behind our line last year.

JASONSAUTO
08-03-2008, 04:20 PM
They already essentially ruined his career by giving him an NFL record of carries to sneak into the playoffs...

It's been prove time and time again you do not give someone 400 touches of the ball in a season it will significantly affect them.

IF THATS THE CASE then why not ride him as far as he goes? i honestly think lj can take quite the beating and will be fine

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 04:21 PM
Why cant the Chiefs try and limit LJ carries to around 20 game average??? I dont get these idiots sometimes.

Id rather see LJ for 3-5 more years instead of two.

L.A. Chieffan
08-03-2008, 04:23 PM
The other problem LJ is gonna have is our lack of threat in passing downs. Other then Bowe and TG we have dick in the receiving game.

Defenses are gonna stack stack stack the line regardless how much our OL has improved.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:27 PM
IF THATS THE CASE then why not ride him as far as he goes? i honestly think lj can take quite the beating and will be fine

Well right now I'd say it's because you don't kill someone to win 5 games, I'd only support what they did to LJ 2 years ago if you could win a Superbowl doing it and he was at the end of his contract...

Now that the Chiefs (very stupidly) paid him they have no choice but to try to milk atleast 2 more years out of him, if they get close to 400 carries this year they'll have to get a new RB as early as next year.

I'm not worried about it because RB is an easy position to replace and should be one of the last pieces to put in place on a rebuilding team so they need to try to get this year and next year out of LJ before cutting him for a new younger drafted back when the team is ready.

Pasta Giant Meatball
08-03-2008, 04:28 PM
Just a silly idea. He'd have to get 5 yards a carry at 400 carries to do so and that isn't happening. A more likely goal would be 20 carries a game at 4 yards a pop. 320 carries for 1280 yards rushing. That would be a pretty good year considering what we have on the o-line.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:28 PM
The other problem LJ is gonna have is our lack of threat in passing downs. Other then Bowe and TG we have dick in the receiving game.

Defenses are gonna stack stack stack the line regardless how much our OL has improved.

That's where the new audible system comes into play.

We won't be running into 9 man fronts stubbornly this year. We're going to play smart football.

And teams are going to be scared shitless of Bowe...he's a beast.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:30 PM
That's where the new audible system comes into play.

We won't be running into 9 man fronts stubbornly this year. We're going to play smart football.

And teams are going to be scared shitless of Bowe...he's a beast.

We'll see how that goes, I have a hard time seeing a defense get scared against an offense that is almost assured to rank in the bottom 5.

L.A. Chieffan
08-03-2008, 04:31 PM
Chan Gailey does not frighten people.

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 04:32 PM
Chan Gailey does not frighten people.

He frightens me

L.A. Chieffan
08-03-2008, 04:33 PM
He frightens me

Yeah, other than us.

Rausch
08-03-2008, 04:33 PM
We'll see how that goes, I have a hard time seeing a defense get scared against an offense that is almost assured to rank in the bottom 5.

I'm sure teams won't even bother trying to cover Bowe or Gono. Probably won't even try and stop LJ.

I mean, you're expected to have a $#itty offense. Who cares if there's any probowl or HOF talent there...

Pasta Giant Meatball
08-03-2008, 04:33 PM
Chan Gailey does not frighten people.

Maybe not, but he got pretty solid results out of mediocre players in Pitt and Miami. The guy has been a solid offensive coordinator in this league.

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 04:33 PM
I have a feeling Brodie Croyle will frighten some people this year.














Unfortunately it will be Chiefs fans.

Rausch
08-03-2008, 04:34 PM
Chan Gailey does not frighten people.

The NFL shook with fear when Al Saunders came to KC.

I think...

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:34 PM
I have a feeling Brodie Croyle will frighten some people this year.

Unfortunately it will be Chiefs fans.

He's going to make you gasp in fright and in amazement. He's fitting the ball into some tight spaces for sure.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:34 PM
I'm sure teams won't even bother trying to cover Bowe or Gono. Probably won't even try and stop LJ.

I mean, you're expected to have a $#itty offense. Who cares if there's any probowl or HOF talent there...

That wasn't the point the point was they'll likely see better offenses with more talent in most weeks, it isn't like we're gonna scare them NE or Indy style.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:35 PM
He's going to make you gasp in fright and in amazement. He's fitting the ball into some tight spaces for sure.

Will he make me gasp when someone grazes him and somehow it's a serious injury?

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:36 PM
Will he make me gasp when someone grazes him and somehow it's a serious injury?

That's what worries me more than anything.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:37 PM
That's what worries me more than anything.

Until he proves that he isn't injury prone I fully believe he'll get injured. His frail frame doesn't really inspire my confidence in him taking a hit either.

Pasta Giant Meatball
08-03-2008, 04:40 PM
He's going to make you gasp in fright and in amazement. He's fitting the ball into some tight spaces for sure.

Very good news. How's he throwing the ball under pressure?

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:42 PM
Very good news. How's he throwing the ball under pressure?

A couple of times he's stepped up away from pressure and just fired it. I see him hitting hot reads against the blitz all the time. Brodie just looks downfield, he doesn't see the rush.

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 04:43 PM
How's he throwing the ball under pressure?

I'm sorry but the pressure of training camp?Don't get me wrong I know it's good for the players but the defense he's seeing right now wants him upright and healthy

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:44 PM
I'm sorry but the pressure of training camp?Don't get me wrong I know it's good for the players but the defense he's seeing right now wants him upright and healthy

Let's also understand that even if they were it's a front that involves Ron Edwards, Alphonso Boone and end and Pat Thomas playing MLB.

Pasta Giant Meatball
08-03-2008, 04:46 PM
I'm sorry but the pressure of training camp?Don't get me wrong I know it's good for the players but the defense he's seeing right now wants him upright and healthy

Oh, I know it isn't going to be the same as game action pressure. Claythan mentioned he was throwing the ball well and I was curious if he was just sitting back in an easy chair or if there were guys actually in his face.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:46 PM
chiefs suk

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 04:46 PM
Let's also understand that even if they were it's a front that involves Ron Edwards, Alphonso Boone and end and Pat Thomas playing MLB.

In GUN I trust!


Cause ya know, he once did something like 11-13 years ago.

Mecca
08-03-2008, 04:49 PM
chiefs suk

That's a pretty fair statement at this time...

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 04:57 PM
chiefs always suk

4ever

J Diddy
08-03-2008, 05:04 PM
A couple of times he's stepped up away from pressure and just fired it. I see him hitting hot reads against the blitz all the time. Brodie just looks downfield, he doesn't see the rush.

yeah he'll be dead in months

Mecca
08-03-2008, 05:07 PM
yeah he'll be dead in minutes

Fixed your post.

Bowser
08-03-2008, 05:08 PM
Brodie is just so damned skinny. If Merriman could essentially end the career of a rocked up Priest Holmes.....


And, if LJ tops 1,300 yards this year, I think you could say that would be a Herculean effort.

J Diddy
08-03-2008, 05:10 PM
Brodie is just so damned skinny. If Merriman could essentially end the career of a rocked up Priest Holmes.....


And, if LJ tops 1,300 yards this year, I think you could say that would be a Herculean effort.



yeah but that hit on priest was just a freak thing

1000 yards would make me happy

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 05:12 PM
Brodie is just so damned skinny. If Merriman could essentially end the career of a rocked up Priest Holmes.....


And, if LJ tops 1,300 yards this year, I think you could say that would be a Herculean effort.

What really worries me is the line sucks so bad LJ says to hell with this and gets a mysterious injury only to get our back-ups killed as well.I sure as hell hope I'm wrong.

Bowser
08-03-2008, 05:14 PM
yeah but that hit on priest was just a freak thing

1000 yards would make me happy

Yeah, I know. But jesus, the kid needs to mix in a cheeseburger or something. No WAY is he over 175.

And, imho, 1,000 yards by a back is great, but it equals something like 62 yards a game over 16 games. I think 1,200 is a good number for backs to shoot for, also imho.

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 05:16 PM
Yeah, I know. But jesus, the kid needs to mix in a cheeseburger or something. No WAY is he over 175.

And, imho, 1,000 yards by a back is great, but it equals something like 62 yards a game over 16 games. I think 1,200 is a good number for backs to shoot for, also imho.

send some of the mrs chocolate chip cookies,that'll do it

Bowser
08-03-2008, 05:17 PM
What really worries me is the line sucks so bad LJ says to hell with this and gets a mysterious injury only to get our back-ups killed as well.I sure as hell hope I'm wrong.

Well, we'll know more about that if the Chiefs are 1-6. Everything I've seen or read says he is playing like a best right now. These two scrubs on Sirius NFL radio host a fantasy football show, and were saying people should wait until the second round before grabbing LJ, even though one was at the Chiefs/Vikes practice, and said LJ was running like a man possessed.

Count Alex's Wins
08-03-2008, 05:32 PM
one was at the Chiefs/Vikes practice, and said LJ was running like a man possessed.

http://img224.imageshack.us/img224/6088/larryboom2iy4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Bowser
08-03-2008, 05:33 PM
Heh. One of the guys talked about that very play where LJ bulldozed a Vikings DB.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 06:21 AM
He looks great in practice against our crappy team....just wait, last year he showed significant decline in every category, my friends who live in other cities would send me emails saying "LJ looks done dude, he runs like he's dead"

Then he got hurt, a typical theme of guys who carried the ball that many times, history says he will now always be an injury prone player that doesn't resemble what he use to be.

He rolled his ankle on a routine tackle. Freak accident. Had nothing to do with amount of carries.

The big news here is that we don't have a rookie signal caller trying to resuscitate the league's most complex playbook for an aging O anymore. Gailey's O is desined to one thing: get the ball into the hands of your best players and let them make plays.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 06:28 AM
Brodie is just so damned skinny. If Merriman could essentially end the career of a rocked up Priest Holmes.....


And, if LJ tops 1,300 yards this year, I think you could say that would be a Herculean effort.

DUDE. He gets 9 games against bottom feeder rushing defenses in 2008. He has a new OC (Memo to Chiefs Planet: the R2P2 offense is no longer in stock) who has had outstanding success everywhere he's gone. 13 of the Chiefs games will be against teams that ranked 16th or worse in rushing defense.
Even with that lame OL last year, substitute Gailey for Solari and you have an automatic upgrade of 50% or better.
After NE beats the living snot out of us in Foxboro, its off to the record books for LJ!
:arrow:

DaKCMan AP
08-04-2008, 07:08 AM
Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths are all crookedy

SBK
08-04-2008, 07:11 AM
If he gets 1,000 I'll be surprised.

DaKCMan AP
08-04-2008, 07:13 AM
If he gets 1,000 I'll be surprised.

You'll be surprised.

Count Alex's Wins
08-04-2008, 07:15 AM
If he gets 1,000 I'll be surprised.

Please. If he stays healthy he'll crack 1K, if not 1.2k, easily.

SBK
08-04-2008, 07:21 AM
Please. If he stays healthy he'll crack 1K, if not 1.2k, easily.

I'll be surprised if he stays healthy, and I'll be surprised if our o-line is any good. We should be better than last year, but I'm pretty sure that was as bas as we've ever been.

Then there's 3 RB's getting carries, not just 1.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 07:26 AM
Just to refresh everyone's memory...

This is the same Larry Johnson that gained 1,750 rushing yards in 2005 in NINE starts. I know that team was a threat to score on every possession, but it does show what LJ can do with a great supporting cast. And while the preliminary analysis is doubtful that the '08 Chiefs will be as explosive as the '05 Chiefs, the fact is we just don't know.

This offense will have three guys who are legitimate threats on every touch: LJ, Gonzo and D-Bowe. Of course 2,000 yards is an extravagant figure, but if the defenses are ineffective in stopping Larry, he'll make them pay.

Let's be honest, part of why LJ's #s fell off was R2P2. Its gone. Yes, the OL was in tatters. Yes, we had moonlighters playing FB. Yes, the O had grown long in the tooth and a step slower. But the main culprit was that 65,000 people week in and week out new Johnson was getting the rock, on which downs, and plugged 8-9 men up front to meet him. My money is on Gailey to solve that probelm.

Besides, Larry can get nearly 1,000 against the AFCW alone! LOL!

Count Alex's Wins
08-04-2008, 07:28 AM
KCJohnny, the Chiefs are audibling at the line frequently in camp. They won't be running into 9 man fronts anymore.

DaKCMan AP
08-04-2008, 07:30 AM
This thread showcases both extremes. LJ will not top 2K this season, nor will he finish below 1K.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 07:31 AM
KCJohnny, the Chiefs are audibling at the line frequently in camp. They won't be running into 9 man fronts anymore.

That's a huge change from the truncated Al Saunders playbook that poor Mike Solari was using.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 07:32 AM
This thread showcases both extremes. LJ will not top 2K this season, nor will he finish below 1K.

I think he could easily get 2200 total yards from scrimmage.

SBK
08-04-2008, 07:37 AM
This thread showcases both extremes. LJ will not top 2K this season, nor will he finish below 1K.

If he stays healthy he'll go over 1k for sure. I just don't think he'll be healthy all year, that's all.

I hope I'm dead wrong, dude used to be a stud, I hope he can return to that.

DaKCMan AP
08-04-2008, 07:53 AM
I think he could easily get 2200 total yards from scrimmage.

Possible, but unlikely. Still, 2200 total yards from scrimmage is different than 2K on the ground.

KCJohnny
08-04-2008, 08:21 AM
If he stays healthy he'll go over 1k for sure. I just don't think he'll be healthy all year, that's all.

I hope I'm dead wrong, dude used to be a stud, I hope he can return to that.

Depends on nature. If he's the Eddie George type RB, he's just about done. If he's the Curtis Martin/Marshall Faulk/Tiki Barber type, his best years are ahead of him. Apparently Carl, the Chiefs FO and Mr. Hunt think LJ's the latter. You got guys like Fred Taylor who have overcome injuries and are running like rookies. A lot just depends on nature and fate. Besides that one season with the 418 carries, LJ's miles are pretty reasonable for his age. Heck, Marcus Allen was still effective at 36. I think John Riggins was running LBs over into his mid-30s - not exactly a finesse back.

Maybe I'm just spoiled by my LJ stats on Madden 2008...:D

Rausch
08-04-2008, 09:54 AM
I'll be surprised if he stays healthy, and I'll be surprised if our o-line is any good.

Remind me how many injuries LJ's had.

Oh, and then remind me how he's not actually a fresh HB for his age because running for Priest's nacho's tired him out his first two years...

Pasta Giant Meatball
08-04-2008, 10:38 AM
Remind me how many injuries LJ's had.

Oh, and then remind me how he's not actually a fresh HB for his age because running for Priest's nacho's tired him out his first two years...

Yep, LJ's injury last year was a "fluke". It had nothing to do with the amount of carries he had the year before. It wasn't a wear and tear injury it was just bad luck. I think he comes back very strong this year and the only thing that would hold him back is a suspect line.

J Diddy
08-04-2008, 10:41 AM
Remind me how many injuries LJ's had.

Oh, and then remind me how he's not actually a fresh HB for his age because running for Priest's nacho's tired him out his first two years...

that's alot of nachos

alot of wear and tear on the old knees

Rausch
08-04-2008, 10:48 AM
Yep, LJ's injury last year was a "fluke". It had nothing to do with the amount of carries he had the year before. It wasn't a wear and tear injury it was just bad luck. I think he comes back very strong this year and the only thing that would hold him back is a suspect line.

Oh, but that workload he carried for them Knitting Lions might have ruined him before his days in KC.

Oh, he didn't even start until when?

Yeah, but when you spead out his carries over the length of his career he...wait...that only averages to around a very paltry 220+ carries a season?


Golly. Almost makes him sound like a fresh-legged young man...:)

Mecca
08-04-2008, 03:51 PM
Just to refresh everyone's memory...

This is the same Larry Johnson that gained 1,750 rushing yards in 2005 in NINE starts. I know that team was a threat to score on every possession, but it does show what LJ can do with a great supporting cast. And while the preliminary analysis is doubtful that the '08 Chiefs will be as explosive as the '05 Chiefs, the fact is we just don't know.

This offense will have three guys who are legitimate threats on every touch: LJ, Gonzo and D-Bowe. Of course 2,000 yards is an extravagant figure, but if the defenses are ineffective in stopping Larry, he'll make them pay.

Let's be honest, part of why LJ's #s fell off was R2P2. Its gone. Yes, the OL was in tatters. Yes, we had moonlighters playing FB. Yes, the O had grown long in the tooth and a step slower. But the main culprit was that 65,000 people week in and week out new Johnson was getting the rock, on which downs, and plugged 8-9 men up front to meet him. My money is on Gailey to solve that probelm.

Besides, Larry can get nearly 1,000 against the AFCW alone! LOL!

I hate this rationale, he had as many carries as guys who started 16, when he has as many carries you can't trump up that 9 starts thing.

Also he's alot more Eddie George than he is Curtis Martin.

Skip Towne
08-04-2008, 03:56 PM
He'd need 400 carries to do it. And I highly doubt he can average 5 ypc with this O line. Very unlikely.

kcfanXIII
08-04-2008, 04:15 PM
just another hopelessly optimistic thread from KCJ. dude, your just building yourself up for a let down. now go live your fantasy of a chiefs super bowl victory on madden.

Bowser
08-04-2008, 04:20 PM
I guess it could have been possible for LJ to pull a 2K yard season if we had only traded a first and a third to get a playmaker like Derek Anderson in the backfield with him.....


:titus:

ilovemichaelsettle
08-05-2008, 12:09 AM
well i look forward to see him get out on the field and actually playing like he used to. last year he pranced around like a little fairy, there is nothing that i hated more then seeing that during the games, and one of the most mind warping things was to see him get injured, but to see his replacement come in and do a good job

KCJohnny
08-05-2008, 05:20 AM
well i look forward to see him get out on the field and actually playing like he used to. last year he pranced around like a little fairy, there is nothing that i hated more then seeing that during the games, and one of the most mind warping things was to see him get injured, but to see his replacement come in and do a good job

I contend that a lot of that was (a) the playbook and (b) the play-calling. Solari was promoted from within because he knew the AS system. Then the play book was edited down significantly. Then, the play-calling grew so predictable that it made Paul Hackett look like Don Coryell. And yes, injuries to the OL got LJ dropped in the backfield a lot. But I think 60% of the problem was defenses crowding the LOS and stacking the A and B gaps (between the tackles where LJ was forced to go because of the play-calling). If you look back at his performance in 2005, there were a lot of Student Body Left power sweeps and off-tackle runs that got LJ past the LOS and into space.

I think Gailey wants to use this strategy (defenses crowding the box) to go over the top with play action - especially when we now have a WR who will win 90% of jump balls.

Having 2 FBs converted from other positions did not begin to replace all-world FB Tony Richardson, either. I think there are something like 5 FBs in camp right now, so Gailey sees the FB and blocking TE positions (Cottam) as key in run game.

Fruit Ninja
08-05-2008, 05:22 AM
I will be happy with 1500 and alot less carries and the other backs scoop up the other 2000 yards, but if he goes on in a few games like we all know he can, why not try for 2k. I really dont want him to get many carries.


I don't think his body is beaten up hardly at all. He hasnt played much football throughout his career.

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 08:04 AM
LJ leads AFC in rushing and is on a pace to gain 1700 yards again. I posted this on August 3rd.

John_Wayne
09-30-2008, 08:10 AM
Print 'em!

King_Chief_Fan
09-30-2008, 08:12 AM
LJ leads AFC in rushing and is on a pace to gain 1700 yards again. I posted this on August 3rd.\
only if we play more swiss cheese defenses like Denver's.

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 08:13 AM
\
only if we play more swiss cheese defenses like Denver's. Dude, that's the point. We do. Look at the thread starter topic.

Phobia
09-30-2008, 08:16 AM
LJ leads AFC in rushing and is on a pace to gain 1700 yards again. I posted this on August 3rd.

Are you finally gonna get a prediction right, John? I really hope you do. Lessee - it's 2008. I've been knowing you since you were a SPC. That's a lot of years. But it's a good thing your Army promotions aren't tied to your football predictions.

Mecca
09-30-2008, 08:16 AM
Dude, that's the point. We do. Look at the thread starter topic.

Have you seen the upcoming schedule?

Short Leash Hootie
09-30-2008, 08:21 AM
I see LJ rushing for around 1350 and 10-12 TD's...

I complimented him in another thread saying how ridiculous it was that he was always healthy.

Only other guy I can remember being more durable is Tiki Barber...

I know he had that foot injury last year but that was pretty flukey IMO.

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 08:23 AM
Are you finally gonna get a prediction right, John? I really hope you do. Lessee - it's 2008. I've been knowing you since you were a SPC. That's a lot of years. But it's a good thing your Army promotions aren't tied to your football predictions.

OK Phil, I was also right about Ramifization but let's not go there.

Oh I know its early in the season and there will be tougher opponents than Denver ahead, but this is exactly what Gailey has made a name for himself in the NFL doing: taking offenses in decline or disrepair and making them solid, playoff caliber units.

Actually, I was an E6 when I started posting on Chiefs BBs. Has it been 8 years? Wow. Where has the time gone?

Go Chiefs!
:arrow:

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 08:24 AM
I see LJ rushing for around 1350 and 10-12 TD's...

I complimented him in another thread saying how ridiculous it was that he was always healthy.

Only other guy I can remember being more durable is Tiki Barber...

I know he had that foot injury last year but that was pretty flukey IMO.

Don't leave out the indestructable Curtis Martin.

Phobia
09-30-2008, 08:47 AM
Dude - THIS BB has been around 8 years. We chatted on the Star's site for years prior to that.

Reerun_KC
09-30-2008, 08:48 AM
Dude - THIS BB has been around 8 years. We chatted on the Star's site for years prior to that.
You two need to get a room?

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 08:59 AM
Dude - THIS BB has been around 8 years. We chatted on the Star's site for years prior to that.

Agreed. But I pinned on E5 in the summer of 1995.

Fairplay
09-30-2008, 09:09 AM
Are you finally gonna get a prediction right, John? a SPC. But it's a good thing your Army promotions aren't tied to your football predictions.


I would strip him of his stripes and make him to mandatory latrine duty the rest of his career. Hear that trainee?

'Hamas' Jenkins
09-30-2008, 09:57 AM
http://www.nfl.com/videos?videoId=09000d5d808b7f32


KC plays 9 games against teams who finished 21st or worst against the run
Chan is going to feature Larry
Chiefs face only 3 opponents in '08 with a top 15 run DIf he does have a PB year, it will make Carl's decision to give him all that $ a bit easier to accept. Personally, I don't blame LJ for the yucky ground attack last year.

12 more days till Madden 2009 comes out!!!!!!

KCJ
:arrow:

kill yourself.

KCJohnny
09-30-2008, 10:10 AM
kill yourself.

Please, lead by example.

'Hamas' Jenkins
09-30-2008, 10:17 AM
Please, lead by example.

Ok. I will provide you with several textual examples.

Pay attention, son.

Life Got You Down?

If you've been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are some suggestion on how to kill yourself. Even if you don't use these exclusive royalty free suicide methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible.

Don't be boring and just take sleeping pills, go out with style and flare. All these methods require some planning but don't let that dissuade you. Your life must be pretty pathetic if you're killing yourself. Why not leave a legacy?

Jumping

Here are a couple of great ways to kill yourself by jumping off a tall building, or cliff, or basically anything really high. The thing about these is that they generally work best if you can get a big crowd watching before you jump. Don't do it when there is no one around. There's just no bloody point in that.

Explosives Strapped to Your Body

Difficulty level: 7

1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
3. Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea smarty pants) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a very reliable wind-proof lighter. Torch lighters are best.
6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more explosives you use, the better. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life does not make for a good sound bite, something about trees telling you to kill yourself works good. Ask for news cameras from the major networks, so you can warn them of the coming tree invasion. Pace around while waving your arms and pointing a lot. If there are trees around, point at them.
9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
12. Try to steer yourself towards the people in the crowd who are chanting 'jump, jump, jump'. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt them when you explode. If you used enough explosives, everyone within seeing distance will have a piece of you.
13. Congratulations! You've just made history. I bet it feels good just thinking about it. But don't cheer up, there are plenty of other ways to do the deed.


Falling through Chain Saws

Difficulty level: 10

This is much more difficult to pull off. Instead of explosives, the money shot is you falling though three or four operating chain saws. You do not need as high a building for this --- anything above three stories will do. Remember to use the vaseline-gasoline mixture. That's the ingredient that adds pizzazz.

Bullet in Your Head

Difficulty level: 1

HAMMER a bullet into your skull. Make sure there is an empty gun nearby but do not fire it (a gun that has never been fired works best in this situation). Bash the bullet into your frontal lobe. It doesn't matter how you get it done it will perplex the authorities for years and you will, most assuredly, be a hot news topic. You'll probably even make it on MythBusters. Hell, you want fame in death to rival the obscurity you had in life don't you?

Death by Hairball

Difficulty level: 3

Get a cat or a dog and brush it every day. Save the hair until you have a giant hairball. Plug up your nose then shove the hairball into your mouth.

Leave a cryptic note about how you believe little Fluffy or Rover was planning to kill you in your sleep.

Meat Grinder

Difficulty level: 11

Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.

Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.

In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will, will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.

Drown in Your Own Urine

Difficulty level: 8

Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."

This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You will have to get some viagra and work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do?
Pop into alt.binaries.erotica.bestiality, get the vibrator out and get crackin'. Remember, do something really weird and original, something that will tell them you are/were special.

Make a Political Statement

Difficulty level: 5

The abundance of media outlets these days has afforded a nearly infinite number of ways to relay your message of doom and despair while consequently minimizing the impact. No longer can you be assured a sizable audience for the ranting and pontificating that so often accompany political/ecological/religious movements.

"Oh, whatever can I do?!" you may be wailing. "The world is coming to an end. Death and despair loom on the horizon. [Insert your hated adversary's name here] is the embodiment of evil. He/she/they/it is/are/will be the antichrist/destruction of us all/black death come to haunt us/etc."

"How can I get my cause the attention it deserves?" you ask. The answer is simple: A futile pointless violent act displayed to millions on the evening news.

Chop Your Own Head Off While Standing Next to a Major World Leader

1. Ingratiate yourself with your chosen mark. Get his/her/its confidence. Become a trusted member of the inner circle.
2. Sew a hand ax into a coat or jacket so that it is easily removable but not particularly visible.
3. Make a statement. Video tape is preferable because the TV news shows love visuals. The more visual material they have the better. The next best thing would be audio tape. It won't hold an audience as well but at least it can be played under the video of your death. Never write a letter. No one reads anymore. No one will care. Make sure your message will be easily found on your corpse.
4. On the day of a major rally, with hundreds or thousands of attendees and lots of television cameras, wear the coat with the hand ax attached.
5. Send backup copies of your message to as many news outlets as you can on the appointed day.
6. Stand in the background as you remove the ax from the coat. When you are finished move slowly toward your dignitary.
7. As the event reaches its climax, whip out the ax and lop off your own head. If possible try to run around like a chicken. Make sure to get as much blood on the famous person as possible. Aim well. That will be the image that gets the news coverage.
8. Bask in your glorious death. You've made the supreme sacrifice to save the world and have ended the torment that was your existence.


Assisted Suicide

Sometimes you need help. Sometimes it takes a committee. Some of the many ways of suicide are just too complicated to do alone. These are perfectly valid routes to bliss and will not taint, in any way, your death.

Death by Seinfeld

Difficulty level: 9

Find a strong burly friend that will help you. Then find Jerry Seinfeld. Have your strong burly friend pick up Seinfeld and beat you to death with him.

Later Jerry will make a tv show out of it or maybe it will just end up in his act. "So I said, Hey! Who are these people that pick up other people and beat other people to death with them?"

Plug 'Em Up

Difficulty level: -1

Get a lot of ten-ton epoxy to seal any and all body openings. Wait a while. Explode.

This method contributed by Scott Disanno

A Pun Death

Difficulty level: 3

Take five large steaks. Rub them all over your body and stuff what remains into every pocket and orifice you can find. Tape at least one steak inside your clothing directly to your body. Find one large hungry grizzly bear. Taunt it till it comes to a full boil, attacks, and kills you.

Dying this way, at the paws of a grizzly bear, will allow the tabloid newspapers and daily tv news shows to use the headline "Grizzly Death!" repeatedly.

Intest You Intest Me

Difficulty level: 4

Sometimes you want to do something violent and bloody but you just don't have the wherewithal to assemble a cache of assault weapons. This method is simple and convenient for those on limited budgets.

1. Make a small incision in your stomach.
2. Pull out your intestines.
3. Hang yourself with the intestines.
4. A cryptic note about aliens might be a nice touch.


End the Holiday Madness

Difficulty level: 6

Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood.

The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to:

1. If you have any investments, convert them to money. Take all your money and lose it playing online poker. This is especially important if you are well off. Don't tell family members and other greedy people that would profit from your demise. After you die, they will go crazy trying to find the missing money. They may even kill each other. This will bring you satisfaction, maybe even some companionship, in hell.
2. Now, stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven, preferably during the Christmas DayTM family gathering but a Thanksgiving DayTM end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
3. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms and yelling obscenities. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill yourself. The more flailing the better.
4. Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidently saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
[Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).]
5. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.

Fairplay
09-30-2008, 10:54 AM
Please, lead by example.



Pull a Michael Hutchence.

Fairplay
09-30-2008, 05:06 PM
........

Mr. Laz
09-30-2008, 05:20 PM
anyone who wants LJ to get 2000 yrds this year is a complete idiot

kstater
09-30-2008, 07:06 PM
Ok. I will provide you with several textual examples.

Pay attention, son.

Life Got You Down?

If you've been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are some suggestion on how to kill yourself. Even if you don't use these exclusive royalty free suicide methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible.

Don't be boring and just take sleeping pills, go out with style and flare. All these methods require some planning but don't let that dissuade you. Your life must be pretty pathetic if you're killing yourself. Why not leave a legacy?

Jumping

Here are a couple of great ways to kill yourself by jumping off a tall building, or cliff, or basically anything really high. The thing about these is that they generally work best if you can get a big crowd watching before you jump. Don't do it when there is no one around. There's just no bloody point in that.

Explosives Strapped to Your Body

Difficulty level: 7

1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
3. Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea smarty pants) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a very reliable wind-proof lighter. Torch lighters are best.
6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more explosives you use, the better. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life does not make for a good sound bite, something about trees telling you to kill yourself works good. Ask for news cameras from the major networks, so you can warn them of the coming tree invasion. Pace around while waving your arms and pointing a lot. If there are trees around, point at them.
9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
12. Try to steer yourself towards the people in the crowd who are chanting 'jump, jump, jump'. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt them when you explode. If you used enough explosives, everyone within seeing distance will have a piece of you.
13. Congratulations! You've just made history. I bet it feels good just thinking about it. But don't cheer up, there are plenty of other ways to do the deed.


Falling through Chain Saws

Difficulty level: 10

This is much more difficult to pull off. Instead of explosives, the money shot is you falling though three or four operating chain saws. You do not need as high a building for this --- anything above three stories will do. Remember to use the vaseline-gasoline mixture. That's the ingredient that adds pizzazz.

Bullet in Your Head

Difficulty level: 1

HAMMER a bullet into your skull. Make sure there is an empty gun nearby but do not fire it (a gun that has never been fired works best in this situation). Bash the bullet into your frontal lobe. It doesn't matter how you get it done it will perplex the authorities for years and you will, most assuredly, be a hot news topic. You'll probably even make it on MythBusters. Hell, you want fame in death to rival the obscurity you had in life don't you?

Death by Hairball

Difficulty level: 3

Get a cat or a dog and brush it every day. Save the hair until you have a giant hairball. Plug up your nose then shove the hairball into your mouth.

Leave a cryptic note about how you believe little Fluffy or Rover was planning to kill you in your sleep.

Meat Grinder

Difficulty level: 11

Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.

Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.

In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will, will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.

Drown in Your Own Urine

Difficulty level: 8

Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."

This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You will have to get some viagra and work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do?
Pop into alt.binaries.erotica.bestiality, get the vibrator out and get crackin'. Remember, do something really weird and original, something that will tell them you are/were special.

Make a Political Statement

Difficulty level: 5

The abundance of media outlets these days has afforded a nearly infinite number of ways to relay your message of doom and despair while consequently minimizing the impact. No longer can you be assured a sizable audience for the ranting and pontificating that so often accompany political/ecological/religious movements.

"Oh, whatever can I do?!" you may be wailing. "The world is coming to an end. Death and despair loom on the horizon. [Insert your hated adversary's name here] is the embodiment of evil. He/she/they/it is/are/will be the antichrist/destruction of us all/black death come to haunt us/etc."

"How can I get my cause the attention it deserves?" you ask. The answer is simple: A futile pointless violent act displayed to millions on the evening news.

Chop Your Own Head Off While Standing Next to a Major World Leader

1. Ingratiate yourself with your chosen mark. Get his/her/its confidence. Become a trusted member of the inner circle.
2. Sew a hand ax into a coat or jacket so that it is easily removable but not particularly visible.
3. Make a statement. Video tape is preferable because the TV news shows love visuals. The more visual material they have the better. The next best thing would be audio tape. It won't hold an audience as well but at least it can be played under the video of your death. Never write a letter. No one reads anymore. No one will care. Make sure your message will be easily found on your corpse.
4. On the day of a major rally, with hundreds or thousands of attendees and lots of television cameras, wear the coat with the hand ax attached.
5. Send backup copies of your message to as many news outlets as you can on the appointed day.
6. Stand in the background as you remove the ax from the coat. When you are finished move slowly toward your dignitary.
7. As the event reaches its climax, whip out the ax and lop off your own head. If possible try to run around like a chicken. Make sure to get as much blood on the famous person as possible. Aim well. That will be the image that gets the news coverage.
8. Bask in your glorious death. You've made the supreme sacrifice to save the world and have ended the torment that was your existence.


Assisted Suicide

Sometimes you need help. Sometimes it takes a committee. Some of the many ways of suicide are just too complicated to do alone. These are perfectly valid routes to bliss and will not taint, in any way, your death.

Death by Seinfeld

Difficulty level: 9

Find a strong burly friend that will help you. Then find Jerry Seinfeld. Have your strong burly friend pick up Seinfeld and beat you to death with him.

Later Jerry will make a tv show out of it or maybe it will just end up in his act. "So I said, Hey! Who are these people that pick up other people and beat other people to death with them?"

Plug 'Em Up

Difficulty level: -1

Get a lot of ten-ton epoxy to seal any and all body openings. Wait a while. Explode.

This method contributed by Scott Disanno

A Pun Death

Difficulty level: 3

Take five large steaks. Rub them all over your body and stuff what remains into every pocket and orifice you can find. Tape at least one steak inside your clothing directly to your body. Find one large hungry grizzly bear. Taunt it till it comes to a full boil, attacks, and kills you.

Dying this way, at the paws of a grizzly bear, will allow the tabloid newspapers and daily tv news shows to use the headline "Grizzly Death!" repeatedly.

Intest You Intest Me

Difficulty level: 4

Sometimes you want to do something violent and bloody but you just don't have the wherewithal to assemble a cache of assault weapons. This method is simple and convenient for those on limited budgets.

1. Make a small incision in your stomach.
2. Pull out your intestines.
3. Hang yourself with the intestines.
4. A cryptic note about aliens might be a nice touch.


End the Holiday Madness

Difficulty level: 6

Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood.

The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to:

1. If you have any investments, convert them to money. Take all your money and lose it playing online poker. This is especially important if you are well off. Don't tell family members and other greedy people that would profit from your demise. After you die, they will go crazy trying to find the missing money. They may even kill each other. This will bring you satisfaction, maybe even some companionship, in hell.
2. Now, stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven, preferably during the Christmas DayTM family gathering but a Thanksgiving DayTM end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
3. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms and yelling obscenities. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill yourself. The more flailing the better.
4. Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidently saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
[Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).]
5. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.



Holy crap that's a disturbing, yet funny post. I like the meat grinder one.

Chief Faithful
09-30-2008, 08:23 PM
I could see LJ getting 1995 yards with 10 minutes left in the last game and not getting another carry because they were behind and passing to catch up in a meaningless game.

KCJohnny
10-01-2008, 05:38 AM
Mr. Jenkins:
Most people posting things like that are speaking indirectly and are calling out for help in disguised ways.
That kind of anger, that kind of irrational hate and hostility is not normal.

As a member of the US Army Chaplain Corps I have had the undesirable task of dealing with many suicides. We are currently experiencing a spike in suicides from returning veterans, most who are dealing with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Each suicide is an invasive, ugly, permanent scarring of everyone related to or connected with the suicide. Suicides leave loved ones in shock, filled with questions and guilt, and permanently traumatized. It is nothing to joke about, not even here.

I have 80 hours of advanced training and education in suicide theory, prevention, intervention and victim counseling from the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, KS. I have supervised the ceremonial remembrances for dozens of suicides. They are heavy, grievous and hope-deprived events that exhaust participants and bleed despair into the greater community.

If you feel at anytime, even for fleeting moments, that you might devise a plan or take action to end your own life, please see a counselor, a minister, a trusted friend or family member or a mental health professional and get the help you need and deserve. There is help out there for you and there is always hope for a better tomorrow.

KCJohnny

Ebolapox
10-01-2008, 08:02 AM
ROFL

leave it up to kcj to take hamas seriously.