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View Full Version : Misc What's the most non-pr0nographic material you've used to..uh...spank it?


TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 03:34 PM
Before the days of teh interweb, pr0n was a LITTLE BIT tougher to come by. Especially if you were a minor and/or had no money. People had to improvise. I once caught my little brother sneaking up to the treehouse with the underwear page of the JC Penney circular.

I guess my best non-pr0n pr0n was this "local real estate listings channel" on cable. It just showed bad videotaped pans across the rooms in houses for sale. THere was this one pair of agents who were (sorta) hot women. They would put themselves in the video doing the Vanna White gesture in the rooms like the showcase girls in the Price is Right. A couple of times I :whackit: to those ladies listings. Something about ladies in dresses with big hair sprawled out on a stranger's sectional sofa.

Come to think of it, I did also :whackit: to the Showcase chicks on TPIR. Especially when they were on the speedboat.

L.A. Chieffan
08-03-2008, 03:37 PM
DT sacking Elway

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 03:38 PM
I really thought the first response would be a mom joke

Douche Baggins
08-03-2008, 03:39 PM
A calendar of clothed women.

A JPEG of a clothed woman in a completely non-sexual pose. In fact, it was a headshot.

Bugeater
08-03-2008, 03:39 PM
TV? Newspaper ads? Sure, maybe if you were rich. We had to draw our own pictures of nekkid women and jerk it to that.

CanadianChief
08-03-2008, 03:40 PM
A picture of Al Davis.

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 03:41 PM
Vulture should be along anytime now to tell us he's never spanked it because he's had bitches lined up since he was 8

Deberg_1990
08-03-2008, 03:42 PM
A PS3 TV ad.

TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 03:50 PM
.A PS3 TV ad.

Baby Lee
08-03-2008, 03:58 PM
I think Hamas is spanking it to a sweet shoe picture I unwittingly provided him.

Dick Bull
08-03-2008, 04:01 PM
Vulture should be along anytime now to tell us he's never spanked it because he's had bitches lined up since he was 8


the true magnet as a kid was his bicycle and before that his tricycle

chicks dig wheels

Dick Bull
08-03-2008, 04:01 PM
victorias secret catalog

Bugeater
08-03-2008, 04:03 PM
victorias secret catalog

Those ARE pr0n. Try again.

Bowser
08-03-2008, 04:03 PM
The Golden Girls.

TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 04:04 PM
A JPEG of a clothed woman in a completely non-sexual pose. In fact, it was a headshot.

Yeah, but cutting out the mouth and taping the pic over a hole in a cantaloupe doesn't count.

Dick Bull
08-03-2008, 04:05 PM
Yeah, but cutting out the mouth and taping the pic over a hole in a cantaloupe doesn't count.


i wish i'd have thought about that when i was a teenager

SBK
08-03-2008, 04:06 PM
findthedr told me he loved spanking to 2007 Notre Dame defensive highlights.

beach tribe
08-03-2008, 04:06 PM
Those ARE pr0n. Try again.

I have never rubbed it out for anything other than a picture of a girl. Be it mental, on screen, monitor, paper or live in person.

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 04:08 PM
Yeah, but cutting out the mouth and taping the pic over a hole in a cantaloupe doesn't count.

Is it any wonder the man is in advertising :)

Dick Bull
08-03-2008, 04:08 PM
Those ARE pr0n. Try again.

underwear ain't porn

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 04:10 PM
underwear ain't porn

sounds like a man that's used THAT ONE a few times in his life

BigRock
08-03-2008, 04:19 PM
http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8372/adba6.jpg

It's her line of sight that really drives it home.

Sanka
08-03-2008, 04:22 PM
TV? Newspaper ads? Sure, maybe if you were rich. We had to draw our own pictures of nekkid women and jerk it to that.


Possibly NSFW


<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/toH-D5NCehs&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/toH-D5NCehs&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toH-D5NCehs)

Douche Baggins
08-03-2008, 04:29 PM
This one does it for me. I could spank to this every week and it wouldn't get old.

http://www.ninjadude.com/images/Carrie-Underwood/carrie-underwood-CMA-2008.jpg

blueballs
08-03-2008, 04:30 PM
vat of hardee's gravy

Bowser
08-03-2008, 04:32 PM
Carrie Underwood IS pretty freaking hot. [/duh]

No shame in spanking it to her, I guess.

Bowser
08-03-2008, 04:32 PM
vat of hardee's gravy

I hope you at least had some biscuits to go with that.

StcChief
08-03-2008, 04:41 PM
vat of hardee's gravy
yet another reason to stay away from Fast food joints

Rain Man
08-03-2008, 04:56 PM
Statistics showing the height and weight distribution of American women.

Saulbadguy
08-03-2008, 05:34 PM
Married with Children. Peg and Kelly Bundy, and the random hotties that would appear on the show.

Bugeater
08-03-2008, 05:57 PM
Married with Children. Peg and Kelly Bundy, and the random hotties that would appear on the show.
Speaking of Kelly Bundy...

http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx/?news=325471&GT1=28103

Dick Bull
08-03-2008, 05:59 PM
Statistics showing the height and weight distribution of American women.


dude that's porn

AZORChiefFan
08-03-2008, 06:23 PM
Sears Wishbook

No mom I'm lookin' at toys.

Ari Chi3fs
08-03-2008, 06:25 PM
Sears Wishbook

No mom I'm lookin' at toys.

Wow, that was my response. Heh. Actually, the bra section of the Sears Catalog was my response.

Bwana
08-03-2008, 06:35 PM
Vulture should be along anytime now to tell us he's never spanked it because he's had bitches lined up since he was 8


That's gold right there.

ROFL

StcChief
08-03-2008, 06:37 PM
Vulture should be along anytime now to tell us he's never spanked it because he's had bitches lined up since he was 8
no he's getting busy with his bike.

runnercyclist
08-03-2008, 07:25 PM
The old TV show entitled "20 Minute Workout". It had super hot chicks doing stretching and aerobics. Loved that show!

kstater
08-03-2008, 07:26 PM
The picture of Midnight's bike, if he would ever post it.

Joe Seahawk
08-03-2008, 07:31 PM
http://www.mostlyposters.com/images/posters/fullsize/24120.jpg

runnercyclist
08-03-2008, 07:33 PM
http://www.mostlyposters.com/images/posters/fullsize/24120.jpg

"Oh the hours I've spent holding up that poster with one hand"

-Steve Martin

BCD
08-03-2008, 08:22 PM
The old TV show entitled "20 Minute Workout". It had super hot chicks doing stretching and aerobics. Loved that show!http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/eccentric/20whos.htm ROFL

RJ
08-03-2008, 08:26 PM
Cosmopolitan Magazine. Early 70's. Hot stuff.

blueballs
08-03-2008, 08:31 PM
http://www.mostlyposters.com/images/posters/fullsize/24120.jpg

they wear less cloth than that to church
did you wack it to the hair

KCUnited
08-03-2008, 09:29 PM
"You told me you were combing your hair!"

CrazyPhuD
08-03-2008, 09:46 PM
A fresh warm apple pie....:)

Nzoner
08-03-2008, 09:48 PM
That's gold right there.

ROFL

Thank you sir,I'm glad someone appreciated it :toast:

DaneMcCloud
08-03-2008, 10:02 PM
Colin's Sleazy Friends was my first real exposure to porn.

I had always dated and hung with strippers and rock chicks so I never really had the need for porn in KC.

Once I moved to Los Angeles, I was exposed to the GREATEST public access cable show of ALL TIME, called "Colin's Sleazy Friends".

This total dirtbag named Colin Malone hosted a cable access show that was on every week He'd "interview" hot porn sluts and ask them questions like "Now, you just finished up with Harry Buttsex 5. Should I watch Harry Buttsex Episodes 1-4 so that I can keep up with the narrative?" To which the porn slut would undoubtedly reply "Yes! I think it would really help you to understand the story". Classic, comedy gold (except of course, the porn slut wasn't in on the joke!).

He'd usually end his show with said porn slut diddling herself in studio just after pole dancing or stripping. It was un-freakin'-real.

He became so popular that non-porn people like Janine Garofalo and Bob Odenkirk would show up and interview but those definitely took a backseat to the sluts.

Ironically, my girlfriend (now wife) worked briefly at Century Communications in Santa Monica and all the guys in the office would pass around and watch Colin's show on video tape the day after he taped it (it usually wasn't shown for another 6 days after taping).

Greatest. Public. Access. Show.

EVAR!!!!

TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 10:48 PM
Haha Dane, I remember that show. but it actually made me sad, like too sleazy. Had I been into blow at the time I wold have really dug it, though.

redbrian
08-03-2008, 10:53 PM
Old School here.....National Geograhic.........man that was some hot stuff...

Predarat
08-03-2008, 10:53 PM
The JC Pennys and Sears catalogues, and there was this Carmen Electra video called Get On Up or something but that was damn near pron.

DaneMcCloud
08-03-2008, 10:55 PM
Haha Dane, I remember that show. but it actually made me sad, like too sleazy. Had I been into blow at the time I wold have really dug it, though.


Never got into blow.

But Long Island Ice Tea's at the Rainbow certainly did the trick back in the day.

TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 10:56 PM
Chris Rock had an awesome standup bit talking about he couldn't find any pr0n, so the only pic of a chick in his whole house was Aunt Jemimah on the Syrup bottle. Then he goes into a whole routine about spankin' it to Aunt Jemimah. "C'mon boy....whip that buttah for ol' Aunt Jemimah..oh yeah..."

That was a good bit!

DaneMcCloud
08-03-2008, 10:59 PM
If I were to chose women outside of internet porn, I'd choose hairdressers.

They're usually hot, slutty and just one gene away from strippers.

Of course, I banged all those chicks, too.

Man, I'm ****ing bad.

Jewish Rabbi
08-03-2008, 11:12 PM
My avatar

TinyEvel
08-03-2008, 11:14 PM
If I were to chose women outside of internet porn, I'd choose hairdressers.

They're usually hot, slutty and just one gene away from strippers.

Of course, I banged all those chicks, too.

Man, I'm ****ing bad.

I'm my own hairdresser (and....thread has come full circle. Mods, retire it please)

DaneMcCloud
08-03-2008, 11:30 PM
I'm my own hairdresser (and....thread has come full circle. Mods, retire it please)

Uh...