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Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 08:55 PM
Thank you for joining us tonight. In a few moments Mr. Flopnuts will be here to make a statement. There will be a 30 minute question and answer session to follow. Please help yourselves to an empty seat, due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no punch and pie.

kstater
10-03-2008, 08:57 PM
there will be no punch and pie.

Nothing but unfufilled promises in this campaign.

Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 08:57 PM
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Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 09:00 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, Mr. Flopnuts.

http://i.pbase.com/o4/97/388497/1/64021719.CHPTbjAb.applause.gif

kstater
10-03-2008, 09:01 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you, Mr. Flopnuts.

http://i.pbase.com/o4/97/388497/1/64021719.CHPTbjAb.applause.gif

Fail
Not a good first impression.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:02 PM
Good evening everyone. I’d like to thank you all for braving the weather to come out tonight. We’ve reached the most trying times to ever hit our Nation’s proud history. We’ve passed dark days, but darker days are yet to come. It is time for us to rebuild. To tap into Chiefsplanet’s young talent, and teach them to create a brighter tomorrow. It will take a level of dedication that this country has not seen since our forefathers forged this great country some 230 years ago. It will also take a certain dynamic. One that has a new, fresh, and different approach.

Running as a member of any party is just not an option to a man that is truly for the people. No. A man that has your best interests at heart aligns with no one but you. Members of Chiefsplanet, you need someone to restore honor to your name. A common man who understands the daily rigors of working a 9-5 job (if you’re lucky) so you can feed your kids and try to provide a better life for them. Not someone who panders to lobbyists, and goes wherever the almighty dollar leads them.

The type of change that we need must come from within us all. It must come from a source so pure, that no dollar amount could ever taint it. It must come from the heart of every American. It is time for us to unite. To stand up and think for ourselves rather than absorb every piece of information passed to us as fact. We must search for ourselves and find the answers that trouble mankind today.

It is at this time I would like to announce my candidacy for President. It won’t be an easy task. I refuse to align myself with a political party that panders to the upper class. Or a party that will provide for you, but only if you allow it to regulate your every decision. There is not a party available today for you Mr. Common Man. No one has your best interests at heart.

Well that’s about to change. What about a world that allows you to live your life however you see fit? Provided you are not hurting anyone there shouldn’t be a person alive that has the right to tell you what to do. In a Flopnuts America major decisions will be decided by the people. The cost of polls you say? We live in an internet society and we have developed technology that will allow us to collect the vote of the people in a safe, secure manner, and we’re going to let them decide things for themselves. That’s a change from our world today isn’t it?

Let freedom ring, and make a contribution to the Flopnuts/08 campaign, and let’s take this bb back!!! $15,000 to enter is a steep price indeed, however the fact that it’s 3000% higher than the fee for those who’ve aligned themselves with the elite should tell you something. They want the control, and by having all of the money, control is exactly what they have. Let’s pool our resources together and fight back!!!


I understand the difficulties of the economy today. I know how hard it is to get ahead. So I have a plan for you to donate your hard earned money to my cause. After you’ve donated, go to the casino and click “reset cash”. It’s an endless supply of campaign money that in no way will take away from the services, and programs that you’ve come to expect. We’re going to take advantage of the same tax cuts the elite do and with that capital we are going to reclaim this country!!! A government that is FOR the people, BY the people.

It’s time for a change Planetarians. It’s time for us to band together and create our future, rather than allow the same old group of assholes to bamboozle us time and time again into thinking they’re different, that they are the ones to lead us to change. If we want change, we’re going to have to effect it ourselves. A vote for Flopnuts, is a vote for freedom!!! Let us bring about, a brighter tomorrow.

Thank you again for being here, are there any questions?

Ultra Peanut
10-03-2008, 09:02 PM
*polite applause*

As a fellow free thinker, I support the efforts of any and all Planetstanizens who wish to make our country better through their actions. I'm running in the Republican party primary, but I fully embrace the idea that one's party should not determine their ideals and beliefs. Their own ideals and beliefs should determine that. Party ain't nuthin' but a letter. Gettin' down ain't nothin' but--I digress. This Planet and this nation were not founded by drones, but rather by individuals who had a vision and saw it thorough. Positive change can only take place if we discard the chains of the past and forge our own way.

A Vote for Peanut is a Vote for U, and good luck.

Skip Towne
10-03-2008, 09:04 PM
Hiss!!!!! Booo!!!

Count Zarth
10-03-2008, 09:05 PM
How can you get me laid, Senator Flopnuts?

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:09 PM
How can you get me laid, Senator Flopnuts?

This is a very good question Mr. Claythan. In a Flopnuts America we will encourage fornication as an uninhibited, financially viable form of entertainment. There will be no guilt for our young women, there will be no shame. There will only be contraceptives. And there will be an abundance. We will recognize this act as nothing more than a financially sound, biological act between consenting adults.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:11 PM
*polite applause*

As a fellow free thinker, I support the efforts of any and all Planetstanizens who wish to make our country better through their actions. I'm running in the Republican party primary, but I fully embrace the idea that one's party should not determine their ideals and beliefs. Their own ideals and beliefs should determine that. Party ain't nuthin' but a letter. Gettin' down ain't nothin' but--I digress. This Planet and this nation were not founded by drones, but rather by individuals who had a vision and saw it thorough. Positive change can only take place if we discard the chains of the past and forge our own way.

A Vote for Peanut is a Vote for U, and good luck.

Mrs. Peanut makes a very good point. Unfortunately it is the very same point that all first time politicians make when entering the field. Fact is Chiefmerica, and it's well documented, if you belong to the Republicans or the Democrats, you hate your country.

Phobia
10-03-2008, 09:11 PM
Where do you stand on a ladder rated only for those 250 lbs and lighter?

TinyEvel
10-03-2008, 09:12 PM
How can you get me laid, Senator Flopnuts?

Talk about a "bridge to nowhere"

Count Zarth
10-03-2008, 09:13 PM
This is a very good question Mr. Claythan. In a Flopnuts America we will encourage fornication as an uninhibited, financially viable form of entertainment. There will be no guilt for our young women, there will be no shame. There will only be contraceptives. And there will be an abundance. We will recognize this act as nothing more than a financially sound, biological act between consenting adults.

Will the government regulate this grand new age of widespread whoredom?

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:14 PM
Where do you stand on a ladder rated only for those 250 lbs and lighter?

I believe that the free market will dictate what a ladder rating should be. As Americans have enjoyed the fruits of their labor more and more, those ladder ratings have steadfastedly increased. Why, just 50 years ago you couldn't find a ladder rating over 225lbs, and by damned 50 years from now, you won't be able to find one under 350. We will do what it takes to put this country, and that ladder, back in YOUR hands.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:15 PM
Will the government regulate this grand new age of widespread whoredom?

I ABSOLUTELY OPPOSE THE REGULATION OF FORNICATION ACT THAT SENATOR PEANUT ENDORSED LAST YEAR!!!!!

Count Zarth
10-03-2008, 09:18 PM
So if there are going to more women of the night per capita, how are you going to ensure quality control? With more fucking business opportunities available, low-quality sexual congress outlets will become rampant. Disease could spread.

In short, we need regulation of the fucking industry. I'm cheap, but don't feel like catching a venereal disease.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:19 PM
As you all process my proclamations I would like to add that I feel there is a certain dynamic missing from the Chiefmerican experience. When elected, I will hold not only public lashings, but public bannings. We will root out all evil doers, and we will ban them to the depths of teh intrawebs. Hopefully with rehabilitation we can achieve the unachievable.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:21 PM
So if there are going to more women of the night per capita, how are you going to ensure quality control? With more f***ing business opportunities available, low-quality sexual congress outlets will become rampant. Disease could spread.

In short, we need regulation of the f***ing industry. I'm cheap, but don't feel like catching a venereal disease.

Again, this is a free market issue. The choice to fornicate or not fornicate lies solely within an individual. The quality of your fornication will be dependent upon the amount of time, effort, energy, and money that each individual invests. For some, that will require deep pockets. For others, it will simply be a matter of building sweat equity. The government will in no way interfere. We will only encourage everyone to be as safe as possible when engaging in such activity.

Count Zarth
10-03-2008, 09:23 PM
Senator Flopnuts, I have a concern.

You're going to legalize prostitution while enforcing publish lashings and public bannings.

What's next? Are you going to bring back jousting? Your policies and desire for a more "visceral" Chiefmerica seems to focus around re-introducing more medieval elements of human civilization.

While I support your cause, I am wary. However, if we burn Broncos fans at the stake, you have my vote.

Smed1065
10-03-2008, 09:26 PM
Mrs. Peanut makes a very good point. Unfortunately it is the very same point that all first time politicians make when entering the field. Fact is Chiefmerica, and it's well documented, if you belong to the Republicans or the Democrats, you hate your country.

Seems like the same old politics so far with mudslinging this early, plus the never ending promises.

:shake:

I have heard this in the news everyday for the last 6 months.

We need to hear how you are going to accomplish things, not what you are promising to accomplish.

:evil:

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:28 PM
Senator Flopnuts, I have a concern.

You're going to legalize prostitution while enforcing publish lashings and public bannings.

What's next? Are you going to bring back jousting? Your policies and desire for a more "visceral" Chiefmerica seems to focus around re-introducing more medieval elements of human civilization.

While I support your cause, I am wary. However, if we burn Broncos fans at the stake, you have my vote.

Let me address this in order of importance. First, the burning of Bronco fans should be a given with any candidate that truly claims to be a man of Chiefmerica. As far as medieval elements go, the government is simply not going to interfere with the desires of Chiefkind as they wade through their own individual journey of life.

The only people who will be lashed, and banned will be those largely determined by the public at large through public polls as being a burden to our society. It is a cost effective tool that will improve the quality of the greater population's life.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:30 PM
Seems like the same old politics so far with mudslinging this early, plus the never ending promises.

:shake:

I have heard this in the news everyday for the last 6 months.

We need to hear how you are going to accomplish things, not what you are promising to accomplish.

:evil:

We are going to provide a forum for the people to decide. We will introduce Chiefsplanet polls for important issues. These polls will have different time lengths based on the neccessity of action. For issues that won't require legislation for months, the poll will run for months. For those issues of great importance that must be decided upon with the utmost importance, these polls may last for 24 hours. The government is yours, you will decide. How much depends on how active you are in the community.

Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 09:31 PM
We'll take 1 last question.

Ultra Peanut
10-03-2008, 09:33 PM
I believe that the free market will dictate what a ladder rating should be. As Americans have enjoyed the fruits of their labor more and more, those ladder ratings have steadfastedly increased. Why, just 50 years ago you couldn't find a ladder rating over 225lbs, and by damned 50 years from now, you won't be able to find one under 350. We will do what it takes to put this country, and that ladder, back in YOUR hands.Oh, so you're in the (very large) pocket of Big Fat?

That's disappointing. I am very disappointed.

Until the voters make a decision, I offer this as a convenient signature placeholder:

http://i36.tinypic.com/2089zpw.png

Ultra Peanut
10-03-2008, 09:35 PM
We are going to provide a forum for the people to decide. We will introduce Chiefsplanet polls for important issues. These polls will have different time lengths based on the neccessity of action. For issues that won't require legislation for months, the poll will run for months. For those issues of great importance that must be decided upon with the utmost importance, these polls may last for 24 hours. The government is yours, you will decide. How much depends on how active you are in the community.The will of the people is important, but what you're suggesting is as offensive to the spirit of this nation as not owning at least one or two slaves. Direct democracy is an inefficient monster, and there's a reason our Founders, in their great foresight, decided upon a representational system of government.

Smed1065
10-03-2008, 09:35 PM
We are going to provide a forum for the people to decide. We will introduce Chiefsplanet polls for important issues. These polls will have different time lengths based on the neccessity of action. For issues that won't require legislation for months, the poll will run for months. For those issues of great importance that must be decided upon with the utmost importance, these polls may last for 24 hours. The government is yours, you will decide. How much depends on how active you are in the community.

Nice save, except answering my concerns about the same old.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 09:36 PM
Oh, so you're in the (very large) pocket of Big Fat?

That's disappointing. I am very disappointed.

Until the voters make a decision, I offer this as a convenient signature placeholder:

http://i36.tinypic.com/2089zpw.png

In no way Mrs. Peanut do we support big fat. We support Chieficans. Period. If they choose to partake in the fattyfication of Chiefmerica then we believe that that is their choice. We want Chieficans to be free. To make their own decisions, and live together in harmony. We know our road is difficult, we know there will be many trials ahead. We are here to reclaim something long gone, our liberation.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would again like to thank you for coming tonight. If you have any further questions throughout the campaign please feel free to forward them to my inbox. I will take provide a sample of those questions in this thread with my stance on the policies that will make Chiefmerica stronger.

As we forge ahead toward a brighter tomorrow let us stand together, and oppose those that would control our day to day lives. It will take a lot of hard work, dedication, and desire, but my friends that is something that is in great supply in this great land of Chiefmerica. As you leave please remember, a vote for Flopnuts is a vote for freedom!!! Good night.

Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 09:38 PM
Ladies and gentlemen we'd like to thank you all for coming. We hope that you're ready to undertake this ominous task at hand. This is the most important election of our lifetimes. We hope you'll vote for freedom. We hope you'll vote for Ace Flopnuts. Please forward donations toward his hefty bipartisan entrance fee directly to him. Thank you again, and good night.

Peter Riverpants
10-03-2008, 09:38 PM
http://i.pbase.com/o4/97/388497/1/64021719.CHPTbjAb.applause.gif

Phobia
10-03-2008, 09:40 PM
I believe that the free market will dictate what a ladder rating should be. As Americans have enjoyed the fruits of their labor more and more, those ladder ratings have steadfastedly increased. Why, just 50 years ago you couldn't find a ladder rating over 225lbs, and by damned 50 years from now, you won't be able to find one under 350. We will do what it takes to put this country, and that ladder, back in YOUR hands.

Uh. No. You stand on the ground, moron. A ladder rated for 250 lbs would crumble if you stood on it. Come on already. You caught politics brain. I never knew it could strike so quickly.

btlook1
10-03-2008, 09:40 PM
I think you guys need a thread explaining what each candidate believes in. Maybe keep it to one post from each candidate and sticky it so we can compare without having to jump all over the board looking! Good idea?

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 11:06 PM
Uh. No. You stand on the ground, moron. A ladder rated for 250 lbs would crumble if you stood on it. Come on already. You caught politics brain. I never knew it could strike so quickly.

Personal attacks will never lead us out of this great depression our society has entered. We must work together to achieve our goals, and realize our dreams. Here is my contribution to you fellow Chiefican.

http://www.woot.com/

Will you consider a contribution to the Flopnuts campaign? Together we can!!!!!

luv
10-03-2008, 11:09 PM
Where do you stand on a ladder rated only for those 250 lbs and lighter?

The bottom.

FAX
10-03-2008, 11:11 PM
A question, Mr. Mr Flopnuts.

FAX

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 11:13 PM
A question, Mr. Mr Flopnuts.

FAX

An answer Mr. Fax.

FAX
10-03-2008, 11:23 PM
An answer Mr. Fax.

Thank you.

Your opponents have accused you of belonging to an anti-nipple organization in the early 90s. They say that you have personally distributed anti-nipple literature and, on at least one occasion, entered the girl's domatory showers at the University of Birmingham and covered a young, female student with a cozy quilt. How do you respond to those accusations? And can you tell the Planet people just exactly what is your position on nipples?

FAX

Mr. Flopnuts
10-03-2008, 11:32 PM
Thank you.

Your opponents have accused you of belonging to an anti-nipple organization in the early 90s. They say that you have personally distributed anti-nipple literature and, on at least one occasion, entered the girl's domatory showers at the University of Birmingham and covered a young, female student with a cozy quilt. How do you respond to those accusations? And can you tell the Planet people just exactly what is your position on nipples?

FAX

Those allegations are as unfounded today as they were when they originated. My record is clear on nipples. Big, or small, I love them all. As far as the University of Birmingham incident, I had an invitation, and what I gave her hasn't been called "the cozy quilt" in quite some time. Heh, I will say though she needed stitching when Mr. Flopnuts left. Anyways, back to the lecture at hand. My position on nipples is that an individual has the right to do with them whatever they please.

Whether that means gentle rubbing, self indulgence, tattooing, piercing, whatever you please. They're YOUR nipples, and I encourage you to enjoy them, and share them with whomever you please. This administration will give tax cuts to individuals who can prove they belong to the Titillation Innovation Theocracy Society, otherwise known as TITS. We believe in a freedom of religion. Even if you worship a bunch of boobs.

Mr. Flopnuts
10-04-2008, 11:39 AM
A vote for Flopnuts, is a vote for freedom. We will be exploring a repathon as we are still in dire need of funds to pay the exhorberant entrance fees for those not affiliated with the political elitists. We must band together, and create a brighter tomorrow. Please consider a donation to the Flopnuts campaign. In return you will be repped by a powerful repper.

KurtCobain
10-04-2008, 03:25 PM
But are you cool?

J Diddy
10-04-2008, 03:30 PM
Those allegations are as unfounded today as they were when they originated. My record is clear on nipples. Big, or small, I love them all. As far as the University of Birmingham incident, I had an invitation, and what I gave her hasn't been called "the cozy quilt" in quite some time. Heh, I will say though she needed stitching when Mr. Flopnuts left. Anyways, back to the lecture at hand. My position on nipples is that an individual has the right to do with them whatever they please.

Whether that means gentle rubbing, self indulgence, tattooing, piercing, whatever you please. They're YOUR nipples, and I encourage you to enjoy them, and share them with whomever you please. This administration will give tax cuts to individuals who can prove they belong to the Titillation Innovation Theocracy Society, otherwise known as TITS. We believe in a freedom of religion. Even if you worship a bunch of boobs.

Mr. Flopnuts,

I believe you to be telling only part of the truth. Is it not true that you like manboobs more so than woman boobs. Admit it sir, you like the hairy nipples.

Ultra Peanut
10-07-2008, 04:14 PM
How goes the campaign, my fair potential opponent?

Mr. Flopnuts
10-20-2008, 08:28 AM
I am dropping my bid for Chiefsplanet President due to a lack of interest. I failed to generate the neccessary funds to run for office and am ready to endorse a candidate.

This is the most important election of our time. An election where the fate of the world is at stake. And there are those who would see it burn in a position of great power right now.

But the tide is turning. A new day is on the horizon, and a candidate for the people, by the people, and doesn't eat people is here. That candidate is......................


ULTRA PEANUT!!!!!!!

Please except my modest $5250 donation to your campaign. I wish you luck ma'am.