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View Full Version : Life Heaven help me, I don't want to become a helicopter parent.


Braincase
11-11-2008, 10:02 PM
I've always been pretty good about being a low-key sports parent. Drop the kids off at practice, go do something else for an hour, go back and pick them up.

That's going to change.

Tonight I picked my daughters up from basketball practice. They're in 5th and 6th grade, playing in a 5/6 league sponsored by Parks & Rec. I originally signed them both up to play for the same team my oldest daughter played for last year, and I wanted to keep them together, but something happened and there weren't enough spots open for both of my daughters on that team. We got reassigned to a new team, patchwork, with a couple of moms coaching. One mom who is suposed to be the head coach seems pretty nice. The other is taking over the team, setting up her 4th grader (yeah, playing up) as the star of the team which essentially means ball hog.

My youngest daughter was in tears on the way home from practice tonight begging for me to put her on a different team.

They've got my oldest daughter playing a 1-2 when she's always played a 4 or a 5 (aggressive rebounder and shot blocker, average scorer). My youngest is playing the 2 as well, when she's more of a 3-4 (this one is going to be 6 feet tall).

The fourth grader is a helluvan athlete, but she makes stupid mistakes, picking up her dribble without having a freakin' clue where she's going to put the ball, turnovers, bad shot selection, and zero passing.

My kids have always been coached from a team perspective. Balanced scoring, work the ball inside, get the easy shot, rebound, cherry pick, play good defense.

I guess it's time for me to start showing up . I had intended to coach my 6th graders CYO team after the Parks & Rec season was done, but a bunch of the girls decided to play volleyball instead. I might have to put my whistle back on anyway.

Lord, help me keep my head on straight, and help me be fair. I want to be a good parent & coach. If I do this, I want all the kids to improve as individuals and team players.

luv
11-11-2008, 10:17 PM
Kudos to you. Sincerely.

Dartgod
11-11-2008, 10:20 PM
WTF is a helicopter parent?

chasedude
11-11-2008, 10:21 PM
What does it mean to be a "Helicopter Parent"?

Dartgod
11-11-2008, 10:29 PM
What does it mean to be a "Helicopter Parent"?
Thank goodness someone finally asked.

smittysbar
11-11-2008, 10:35 PM
Thank goodness someone finally asked.

Never heard of it.

luv
11-11-2008, 10:37 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children.

An extension of the term, "Black Hawk parents," has been coined for those who cross the line from a mere excess of zeal to unethical behavior, such as writing their children's college admission essays. (The reference is to the military helicopter of the same name.) Some college professors and administrators are now referring to "Lawnmower parents" to describe mothers and fathers who attempt to smooth out and mow down all obstacles, to the extent that they may even attempt to interfere at their children's workplaces, regarding salaries and promotions, after they have graduated from college and are supposedly living on their own.

KcMizzou
11-11-2008, 10:37 PM
What does it mean to be a "Helicopter Parent"?A parent who hovers over their child... you know the type.

Thig Lyfe
11-11-2008, 10:39 PM
What does it mean to be a "Helicopter Parent"?

http://pbskids.org/jayjay/img/fun.meet.herky.lg.jpg

cdcox
11-11-2008, 10:40 PM
Parents who hover around their kids.

There are parents who call college professors about their kid's grades (never happened to me).

Corporate recruiters now openly recognize that they also have to court the parents of the recruit, because the parent's opinion will play a huge role in where the young professional goes to work.

luv
11-11-2008, 10:41 PM
FTR, I don't think this is the case in this situation. I don't think a helicopter parent would be aware that they have the problem. Also, in this case, you may be preventing a problem, but you're also going to be a fair coach to your kids, as well as others.

Groves
11-11-2008, 10:48 PM
I saw we go with curling parent.

TinyEvel
11-11-2008, 11:51 PM
First question to ask is, "Are they having fun?"

Right? No brainer.

Then, let them flourish where they do best. I have no idea about the number system you mention (regarding positions, or play-type) but the big thing might be to not get politcal.

From your description, the mom coach with the 4th grader seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Anyone else stepping up to coach? No? then you might have little grounds for complaint.
I remember as a kid, in any croup activity (football, T-ball, Boy Scouts) the kid with the parent who's the coach/leader is always the "star." But that doesn't make it right.
Not sure what to say, but helicopter is not the way to go.

Just don't do anything rash. Don't grab the torches and pitchforks. The goal is to let the girls have fun and develop athletic/social skills.

Sorry to be Herm/vague. Just kinda saying this is touchy. Tread lightly.

'Hamas' Jenkins
11-11-2008, 11:59 PM
My In-laws are this to my wife's little brother.

Went to his HS Golf tournaments (WTF??), checked his grades everyday on-line, called his teachers anytime they didn't like one of his grades...

Now he's halfway through his first semester of college and he's going to flunk out of a 32K a year private school that isn't even that good of a school (along with losing 20 grand of scholarships and 6K of their own money in one semester).

Nice work, guys :thumb:

L.A. Chieffan
11-12-2008, 12:03 AM
I got a couple of little people that live with me and eat my food and watch my TV and stuff. Am i being too controlling?

KcMizzou
11-12-2008, 12:57 AM
I got a couple of little people that live with me and eat my food and watch my TV and stuff. Am i being too controlling?Not unless you make them fetch beers.

Mecca
11-12-2008, 12:58 AM
I'm never having kids that's all there is to it.

ClevelandBronco
11-12-2008, 02:03 AM
My daughter had the best soccer coach imaginable.

It was a city rec league team made up of a bunch of girls who attended the same small private school.

There were three girls on the team that had the ability to take themselves to the next level. The rest were there to socialize, mostly. The coach made sure that he taught the fundamentals to all the girls, and he worked to each girl's ability and talent. When his daughter was ready to play in a competitive league, he stopped coaching.

He never let anyone know if he cared whether the team won or lost. He smiled and laughed and joked with the players, the parents and the officials through practices and games. He kept all the parents on the sidelines loose. He taught each girl how to play, and how to enjoy playing, even if she couldn't play worth a damn when it was all said and done.

The three girls who should have made it are playing JV soccer now. The other girls and their parents remember the four years we all spent together very fondly.

My daughter does not play these days, but when she did she played for a great coach.

DaneMcCloud
11-12-2008, 02:05 AM
I'm never having kids that's all there is to it.

And Bono and Angelina Jolie breathe a sigh of relief

Guru
11-12-2008, 03:46 AM
And Bono and Angelina Jolie breathe a sigh of relief:spock:ROFL

Braincase
11-12-2008, 06:44 AM
And Bono and Angelina Jolie breathe a sigh of relief

DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

Followup: I sent both coaches an email last night asking what kind of offensive set they were running, so I could work with them after school when time permits.

TinyEvel: In basketball, the numbers typically mean the following..

1. Point Guard
2. Shooting Guard
3. Small Forward
4. Power Forward
5. Center

Hope that helps.

Demonpenz
11-12-2008, 07:12 AM
I am going to be an airwolf dad. Hiding out in a mountain and come and blow shit up for a half with earnest borgnine

John_Wayne
11-12-2008, 08:57 AM
I've always been pretty good about being a low-key sports parent. Drop the kids off at practice, go do something else for an hour, go back and pick them up.

That's going to change.

Tonight I picked my daughters up from basketball practice. They're in 5th and 6th grade, playing in a 5/6 league sponsored by Parks & Rec. I originally signed them both up to play for the same team my oldest daughter played for last year, and I wanted to keep them together, but something happened and there weren't enough spots open for both of my daughters on that team. We got reassigned to a new team, patchwork, with a couple of moms coaching. One mom who is suposed to be the head coach seems pretty nice. The other is taking over the team, setting up her 4th grader (yeah, playing up) as the star of the team which essentially means ball hog.

My youngest daughter was in tears on the way home from practice tonight begging for me to put her on a different team.

They've got my oldest daughter playing a 1-2 when she's always played a 4 or a 5 (aggressive rebounder and shot blocker, average scorer). My youngest is playing the 2 as well, when she's more of a 3-4 (this one is going to be 6 feet tall).

The fourth grader is a helluvan athlete, but she makes stupid mistakes, picking up her dribble without having a freakin' clue where she's going to put the ball, turnovers, bad shot selection, and zero passing.

My kids have always been coached from a team perspective. Balanced scoring, work the ball inside, get the easy shot, rebound, cherry pick, play good defense.

I guess it's time for me to start showing up . I had intended to coach my 6th graders CYO team after the Parks & Rec season was done, but a bunch of the girls decided to play volleyball instead. I might have to put my whistle back on anyway.

Lord, help me keep my head on straight, and help me be fair. I want to be a good parent & coach. If I do this, I want all the kids to improve as individuals and team players.

Who cares? They're just children. None of them are going to be pro athletes. Teach your daughter that lift is hard and it's not always fair. Teach her to work 10x harder than the 4th grade girl and beat her out of the starting spot. Even if she doesn't get the spot, she'll benefit from the ethic of hard work. I don't know why parents continually fall prey to this kind of stuff. It's NOT life and death. It's just a children's basketball team. Sit back and enjoy it. They'll only be kids once. Sorry to be harsh. The topic of modern day parents and their obsession with their child's sports is a pet peeve of mine. Just make sure they get good grades in school and marry a good spouse. That's what real life is about, not basketball.

John_Wayne
11-12-2008, 08:59 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children.

An extension of the term, "Black Hawk parents," has been coined for those who cross the line from a mere excess of zeal to unethical behavior, such as writing their children's college admission essays. (The reference is to the military helicopter of the same name.) Some college professors and administrators are now referring to "Lawnmower parents" to describe mothers and fathers who attempt to smooth out and mow down all obstacles, to the extent that they may even attempt to interfere at their children's workplaces, regarding salaries and promotions, after they have graduated from college and are supposedly living on their own.

Oh, good Lord. The END is truely near.

Mr. Plow
11-12-2008, 11:30 AM
If I do this, I want all the kids to improve as individuals and team players.

Good luck with that....seriously. I'm in the same mindset as you - don't focus on one individual, try to get the TEAM to succeed.....or at the very least, let everyone have fun and learn the game. Unfortunately, in today's world of parents sacrificing school & education for sports, we are becoming a rare breed.

Demonpenz
11-12-2008, 12:58 PM
Good luck with that....seriously. I'm in the same mindset as you - don't focus on one individual, try to get the TEAM to succeed.....or at the very least, let everyone have fun and learn the game. Unfortunately, in today's world of parents sacrificing school & education for sports, we are becoming a rare breed.

You know it's sad but true............/metallica

Braincase
11-14-2008, 02:35 PM
Teach her to work 10x harder than the 4th grade girl and beat her out of the starting spot.

My daughters are starters. Problem is the 4th grader plays the point and won't pass the ball - she either turns it over when she gets trapped in a corner or she takes bad shots from way outside that 18 feet away off the rim where the trees can't pull in a rebound because they're on the baseline where they're supposed to be.